"So, have been shown around properly?"

Jackson looked towards his doctor, the man was in in late fifty and had perfectly round glasses, every now and again he would bend his head to check his notes, when he did Jackson could see a perfectly round bald patch to match.

"Yeah, this morning."

Doctor Jacobs smiled, "and do you have any questions?"

Jackson shook his head, although the reality of it was that he didn't want to be here, but he'd promised his Mum.

"Jackson you can relax and you can say anything to me, it's all confidential."

"Sorry," Jackson cleared his throat, "this is all new to me."

"Of course," Doctor Jacobs studied him, "you know from your notes I expected someone a little different than you." Jackson raised an eyebrow, questioningly and the doctor continued. "It says here that you have difficulty controlling your anger, you're extremely defensive, you can be volatile and uncooperative and suffer intense mood swings." Jackson closed his eyes embarrassed, "It also says that you have no concern for your own well-being and refuse even simple care."

Jackson blew air from his mouth; he didn't know what to say.

"The nurses told me that you willingly ate breakfast this morning with no fuss, admittedly it wasn't much, but then considering how small your stomach has shrunk from lack of regular food, it's understandable." Jackson nodded, "So what's changed?" the doctor asked, "What's happened between yesterday and today, because I don't see the man described on this piece of paper."

Jackson knew that every word written on that piece of paper was true, and he hated this fact, he thought back to all the lectures he'd given Aaron on his behaviour and wanted to laugh, what a hypocrite he'd become, Jackson licked his lips, "I'm not crazy, and I've not had a breakdown – this isn't some miraculous recovery to mental health."

"No, and no one had ever thought that you have a serious mental illness."

"I'm just angry..."

"… and depressed."

Jackson narrowed his eyes, "I thought you said I didn't have a mental illness."

"I said not a serious one."

"Right," continued Jackson, "I'm just angry and..." he didn't like to say the word, "depressed." He sighed loudly, "apparently though the people around me are not going to let me get my wish, so anger and refusing to cooperate seems pointless."

"And what is that wish?"

"You know what it is," Jackson rolled his eyes; "I wish I was dead."

The doctor leaned forward in his chair, "Is that what you want more than anything in the world?"

"Yeah."

"You sure about that?"

Jackson thought for a moment, "Well no, actually I want to have never of had the accident in the first place."

"But that's not possible."

"No," Jackson ducked his head sadly.

"Out of the two options would you rather - have a full filling life where you accepted your condition and continued to have goals and achievements and be happy or would you rather be dead?"

Jackson looked out of the window, it was a bright sunny day and he could see other patients wandering around, his eye's fell on one man, who it appeared, had no hands, he was laughing and joking.

Jackson took a deep breath, "The first option, I want the first one."

"Great," the doctor said leaning back, "Were going to help you get that."

:

Jackson wheeled himself into his room, keen to get some privacy; the day had been a bit of a whirlwind. He'd had therapy, then went to a nutritionist, who poked a prodded and draw up a lovely little diet sheet. He was also shown a list of the many activities he could undertake whilst there – but his first day had been so exhausting that he just wanted to be alone, the nurses had been happy to let him be, everyone seemed so understanding that it left Jackson a little nauseas.

He settled himself into his room and turned to his mobile, he'd promised to call Aaron again that night, their chat earlier being too short for Jackson's liking. It worried him that there was such a distance between them; it meant he couldn't keep an eye on the younger man.

Jackson called up Aaron's number and let it ring, the lad answered after the third dial,

"Hay," began Aaron.

Jackson frowned, Aaron sounded out of breath.

"Hay yourself, are you ok?"

"Yeah,"

"Why are you out of breath?"

"I'm running."

"Why?"

"Just cause."

Jackson shook his head, bemused, "What, for exercise? You never exercise; you don't even like walking anywhere."

He heard Aaron laugh, "Shut up you cheeky sod."

"Where are you?"

Aaron continued to take massive heaving breaths, it sounded like he'd been running for his life, "Just by the river, I was bored."

Jackson laughed; he wasn't sure why he was so amused by it all.

"Anyway," Aaron began, "enough about me how was your day?"

"All right, not much to tell, doctors are ok, nurses are ok, facilities are ok."

Aaron laughed, "let's hope they don't ask you for a recommendation once you leave."

"Nah, it's ok, just all a bit new."

"You eating alright?"

Jackson grinned, despite everything that had happened and even though most days he felt complete despair at his situation, one thing he couldn't deny was how much he loved that Aaron cared for him, "Yeah the foods not so bad here, they're giving me lots of small meals to try and get my weight up."

He felt Aaron pause, "And you're ok with all this?"

"Yeah."

"You'd tell me if you weren't wouldn't you. If you feel angry or upset you can call me at any time to off load, you know that right?"

Jackson closed his eyes, "I've done enough to you already."

"No Jackson listen," Aaron's breathing had evened out, "It's always you and me ok, us against life - remember?"

"Yeah, I know" Jackson smiled remembering that conversation, he really did love Aaron. "So what about you? Did you end up having that bacon sandwich this morning?" Aaron didn't respond straight away, "Aaron?"

"Yeah, yeah I did."

Jackson could sense by Aaron's tone that something wasn't right, "What's wrong?"

There was silence for a moment and then Aaron spoke, "They're all doing my head in, you know how they get, always fussing."

"They just care for you."

"Well they don't have to."

Jackson paused for a moment, thinking, he was aware that they hadn't really discussed what Aaron had done to himself, he had with other people but not Aaron directly, he didn't really want to do this on the phone but it would be a couple of weeks before seeing him, "are you ok though?"

"Yeah."

"Really, so you're feeling ok and you're alright?"

"Meaning?"

Jackson didn't know how to broach this, in the hospital; Aaron's behaviour had been so strange, it had shocked him out of acting so self-involved, "You know… calm?"

He heard Aaron snort gently, "don't you start as well."

"Why, who's saying anything?"

Aaron huffed loudly, "Paddy, me Mum, Cain, they have this crazy idea that I should move in with Mum for a bit."

"Why?"

Jackson could sense Aaron getting aggravated, he could her him clench his jaw, "I don't know! It's stupid. They said something about keeping an eye on me at all times and the baby needing some space, they've pissed me off- the lot of them."

Suddenly things clicked into place and it all made sense, "So you had a row?" Jackson asked cautiously.

"A small one."

"And that's why you were running?"

"No!" but Jackson knew he was right, "I told you I was bored."

"No Aaron, you've had a row and you've now run away!"

"Look I've got to go," the younger lad sounded panicked.

"Aaron!" but he'd already hung up the call. Jackson took a deep shuddering breath and called up Paddy's number, he answered immediately.

"Jackson, hi."

"Hi."

"Er, you ok?" Jackson could hear in Paddy's tone how troubled his sounded; he was also out of breath.

"Yeah this isn't a social call; I've just been on the phone to Aaron."

"You have, is he ok?" Paddy's relief was measurable.

"I'm not sure; you've had an argument haven't you."

"He told you?"

Jackson shook his head, "not really, I guessed."

"Jackson it was more than an argument, Aaron lost control, he was kicking and screaming, he trashed the kitchen - me and Cain had to hold him down."

"What!"

Jackson heard Paddy swallow, "he pulled a knife on Cain, but ended up cutting his own hand when Cain tried to get it off him!"

"Is it bad?"

"I don't think so but he ran off before we could check."

Jackson took deep steadying breath, he felt so angry, he should be there, not stuck in some useless body, "Aaron said he was down by the river, you need to head over there!"

"Ok, I'll call you when we find him."