SRIV, a take on the confession scene between the boss and Johnny. Recently rewritten to catch a bit more of what should've been there the first time around.
It was supposed to be easy. Something to admit and move past before the awkwardness could set in or so they could go back to the way things were. Easy enough. Foolproof.
Feelings weren't, but V had run through this conversation with herself before. Not directly, but the dodgy fashion in which she'd danced around it - acknowledging it, but not - had worked previously, and it should've done the trick again.
The avoidance should've kicked in the moment she felt that flutter linger, that warmth that kept on creeping back into her the minute she'd hear Johnny's voice in the hallway.
Should've, but didn't.
She'd chalked it up to missing it – and him – at first. The voice that she had grown used to in the mornings had been Pierce, throwing open the curtains while reminding her in too cheery of a tone to ever be used at that hour that she had shit to get done.
That wake up call didn't involve the sharp tone of an alarm that she'd hated with a passion, but now felt hollow without. Or the quick tug of the sheets covering her, because she was the only one left in the place dragging her feet.
Now, and for the last few nights she'd woken up in the cockpit, still bleary from the combination of fluorescent lights and sensors, to find Gat nearby. Sometimes, he'd be staring out into space, his mouth set in a harsh line, but other times he'd be trying to nap as well, his chest rising and falling with every deep breath.
It'd left her staring at him until he'd shake himself awake, and she'd quickly switch to the gibberish floating on the screen in front of her, because she couldn't trust herself to meet his eyes and show nothing.
Because that was the problem. She cared about him. Not just cared, but cared, and whenever she'd look his way for two seconds too long, she'd have to drop her eyes, because it wasn't fading. None of it, not like before, and that scared the shit out of her.
It actually even had her trying to skirt around Gat for a while, but on a cramped ship with too-little space and too many people, it was damn near impossible.
And she'd missed him enough. Had gone years with only the silly declarations, memorials, and old photos to go off of, and like hell was she going to burn any more time avoiding someone she cared for. She'd burned enough, lost enough to what she'd believed was the right thing to do, and she wasn't going to fuck that up again.
But how much longer did they have? That question ran through her mind every time she lined up to be hooked into the sim, and every time she left it. It was borrowed at best, and when she opened her eyes to stare at the ceiling, she'd ask herself if she'd get another chance to do so.
If she'd get another chance to see her friends, her family.
If she'd have a chance to finally open her mouth and say something, anything.
It was silly and stupid, but she cared, and she'd grown tired of hiding it.
And after another sleepless night spent half in and out of the system, it was the only thing running through her mind as she attempted to eat what they had cobbled together for breakfast. The fork in her hand hit the tray in a steady rhythm, tapping lightly as it hovered close to the protein square, but not close enough to pierce it. V hit it with the next strike, eying it as her lip curled, and Johnny chuckled when she started chewing on one of its corners.
The knife in his hands spun in the air as he caught it absently, and her attention went straight to him with every motion. It was hypnotic in a way, and it took three tosses for her to finally pick up on the way he was watching her. "You feeling okay, boss?"
The square hit the tray with a plop, and she dropped her fork shortly after. "Eh."
His eyebrow went up. "Eh?"
"Yeah. One of those shitty days, I guess," she muttered, feeling worn down and worn out, but that was par for the course for all of them. They'd been slowly working themselves to the bone, and with things amping up there was no sign of it stopping yet. Not as long as that fucker was left breathing. "They're all starting to bleed together a bit, but it'll get better once we get back in the sim again."
The frown on his face deepened. "You sure? You want out for a few, I can grab Pierce or Shaundi."
"No, I can do it." I have to do it. "Besides, I could use a pick me up. Spitting in Zinyak's eye's a good one, and I've been slacking lately." His serious expression hadn't changed once during their conversation, and V couldn't help but think of Troy then. How he'd worn a look so close to that, and the sharp pang made her fingers clench. "Hey, don't worry about me, okay? I'm good."
"Right." Johnny dropped it, but the corners of his mouth still edged down. "Think I should take a look at our load out here before we go?"
She nodded. "Why not? You never know when the Zin'll come knocking."
His chair skidded back as he got up and he gestured towards the armory when he noticed she hadn't done the same. "You coming?"
"...In a little bit," she said, hesitating. He noticed it, but didn't say anything as he left the room, and the minute his silhouette disappeared through that doorway she pressed her hands flat to the table. Heard that internal clock keep on ticking as she waited, and asked herself one more time.
It only took her a second to find her answer. Taking in a shaky breath, she shoved her chair back and ran after him.
He was close to his usual spot out in the hall when she caught up, tensed and flushed, and his eyebrow went up. "That was fast. So much for your fucking breather-"
V held up a hand. "Just listen to me for a few minutes, okay? I've got a couple of things to say, and I've got to get this off of my chest, or I'm going to explode."
Now he definitely did look surprised, but he folded his arms and gave her the floor.
"We've known each other a long time. A hell of a long time, actually," she said, swallowing hard against the sudden dryness in her mouth. "You're the only one left that knew me back when I was playing at being a gangster, seeing if this life would agree with me, and the only one I had left when I woke up five years after that."
V remembered that disconnect, that feeling of floating through a place that she should've been able to call home, and how he'd been the only thing that had grounded her. Made sense. "You got me through that shit, Gat. Your support helped me get my act together and face the fact that I had some responsibilities to take up if we wanted the city back."
He shrugged, but she shook her head. "Hey, I mean it, I was out of it and lost, and I needed a kick in the ass bad. I woke up with nothing, less than what I'd had when I'd joined up, with five years gone on top of that. I should've been strong enough to push past that, to get a fucking grip, but I couldn't get it through my head until you tried. Johnny Gat, Stilwater's poster boy and the scourge of law enforcement worldwide."
Her teeth dug into her lip. "Apparently he believed in me, someway somehow, and how the hell could I ever say no to him? One of the scariest motherfuckers that I know, but also my friend. My best friend, and someone that I respected like crazy. So, the minute you just had to put your two cents in, I had to listen, and like hell was I going to disappoint you."
"Never have," Gat said, the corner of his mouth curved up.
"I know," she started, feeling the words start to catch in her throat, "and I have no idea how I managed that, but yeah. Somehow I'd done the impossible. Figured out a way to make you think it was worth your time to spend it with me, and bumbled my way up from the dirt to the top. It wasn't easy to deal with then, and it certainly wasn't easy to deal with the increase in publicity after that. The growth, the movies, the comics, the shows, all that shit. It was fun at first, but got old, and I knew it was getting to you.
"Sorry, man," she said, giving him a weak smile. "I did know, and for some reason you still stood with us through that. With me. Side by side, right? You did that even then, and I was grateful as hell for it," she said, recalling the stress of the shoots and publicity stunts. "But then something happened. The Syndicate and that fucking plane, and...I had seven years to wonder what the hell I did wrong."
Johnny's eyes didn't leave her for a second, and when his grin fell she floundered. Had to search for her voice again before she could keep on going, and she had to. There could be no stopping now. Not when she'd come this far, and no matter how wet her eyes got.
"What did I miss? What could I have done? Just..." She let her arms fall and took in a deep breath. "There was no reason that Shaundi and I couldn't have stayed behind and fought hard, but at the same time I'd never even considered the other possibility. That the stupid plane would be it. The last time I'd ever get to see you, and I couldn't make any fucking sense of it. Couldn't even let that run through my mind, because it couldn't be true. You couldn't be dead. And when I started to believe that I...I was lost all over again. There was this Johnny-shaped hole in my life that I couldn't fill with anything, though lord knows I tried."
Her hand wavered as she raised it. "Partying? Been there done that. Sex?" V laughed, and swiped at her eyes, trying not to think about the way Troy had held her, and her voice gave. "Yeah, that's all I'm going to say about that. Revenge? It's fun and all, but it's revenge. Been there, done that, and it still doesn't fix anything. Didn't in Stilwater, and it didn't in Steelport. In fact, all it did was make me want you more, because nothing felt right. The city, the people, the fucking food. Do you know how hard it was to find a decent burger there? Fucking criminal."
A chuckle slipped out of Gat, and V wished it didn't hurt to hear it. It was still that odd brand of familiar that she'd missed, but knew, and she hadn't finished getting used to it again.
"But that's not what I'm trying to say. It's...it's funny how much you realize you need someone when they're not there anymore. Can't bug the shit out of them, or see who could rack up enough minor traffic violations to piss off a cop first. Can't even call them late to see if they feel like a drive, or a conversation about the awful porno you'd TiVo-ed by accident."
She sighed and wiped her eyes again with her thumb. "The others tried, but I didn't want anyone else for that. I wanted you. Needed you. Couldn't see anyone else but you." She pushed the words out, keeping them going, because everything needed to come out. "But I'm not Aisha, and I would never try to be her. She's too important, and I-"
He grabbed her. Took her firmly into his arms and kissed her with enough feeling to make her lose the rest of her sentence in him. Real, tangible him, as she felt her legs about to give way. "It's about respect, right?" he asked, breathing hard when he broke away. "I've never fucking doubted that. Not once."
And he kissed her again, making whatever sense was left in her fade as his mouth moved against hers. Her hands grabbed for every inch of him, his shoulders, his arms, his neck, every bit as he backed her up, and when she hit the wall, he kissed her harder. Slid his tongue along her lips as she moaned and kept on trying to wrap herself around him, and he had her pinned.
The zipper broke on her suit when he forced it down, and his mouth traced every bit of skin he exposed, sucking gently at first before teasing with his teeth. The first real nip made her jump, but when his mouth closed over the spot soon after, she dug her nails into the sleeves of his suit and arched into him.
"Johnny." One of his hands moved down between her legs, rubbing her through the suit, and her voice caught when she felt that insistent press. "Johnny. I-"
He tugged at the zipper, gave it one last yank and drew back with a scowl. "Fucking piece of shit."
"Johnny." His eyes snapped to hers, and V used a hand to brush the hair out of her eyes. "I think we should move."
"Not much for crowds, boss?" he asked, leaning back in to run his tongue along her ear.
"Not right now," she gasped, every inch of her on fire as he moved her suit down and over her shoulders. The metal was cold against her back, but it barely even registered. Not with her this damn close to coming in his arms. Did she want that? To the point that she was ready to strip the rest of her suit off and spread her legs wide. Did she feel like everyone needed to see or hear that? Not so much, and she idly wondered just how much they'd caught already. "We're moving."
"I didn't hear you ask," he said, sliding his warm fingers over her stomach.
Leaning into the touch, she let herself savor it for a minute before giving him a pointed glare. "Wasn't asking."
Grabbing the chains around his neck, she pulled him forward to bite at his bottom lip before letting go to lead him towards the small side entrance to the crew quarters. He caught up to her partway down the hall, the harsh kiss stealing her breath as she bit at him again, and after the second Gat hefted her over his shoulder. The sudden shift made her yelp as he carried her the rest of the way towards her room, his hand palming the back of her thigh when he wasn't trailing his fingers down the inside of her legs.
The doors hissed as they opened and closed, and the minute V knew they were in the clear, she pushed herself up and wrapped her legs around his waist.
"See? That wasn't so bad," she stated, her heart pounding as she slid against him. "Pays to listen to your boss."
"Right." Johnny cupped the back of her head as his tongue slid into her mouth, curling it around hers before pulling back. "Any other requests?"
It took a second for her to recover, but she rocked against him. "Oh? You offering?"
His grin went sharp. "Nah, but what's the harm?"
Her muffled insult was barely heard as they fell onto the bed, his weight almost knocking the breath out of her. He pushed himself up shortly after and when she saw the knife come out she didn't even flinch. Not even when it sliced her suit the rest of the way down. The strips were easy to peel off, and she couldn't help but laugh. "Why am I not surprised?"
"Got to get it off somehow." She lifted herself up so he could slip it down her legs, and loved how warm his palms were on her thighs. "And you."
"Subtle," she said, wetting her lips. "Real subtle."
"Doesn't matter long as it works, and I know you're wet right now."
He dragged her under him when she tried to sit up and didn't give her a chance to make another comeback. His hips moved against hers as he groaned above her, and she couldn't close her eyes. Not now. Tugging him down to cover his mouth with hers, she gave him a harder bite to his lip than before, and the sharp intake of breath was her only warning before he pulled back to drag her underwear down. It was a miracle that the pair didn't tear when they tangled around her knees, but once he got them off he reached for the knife again.
And that brief moment was all it took for her to get him on his back. Climbing up to pin his arms with her knees, she braced against the light pressure he used to test her hold and chucked the knife off to the side. "Not happening," she quipped, flicking at one of her bra straps before slipping it off.
The smirk that earned was beautiful, and one she wanted to see again. "Sure thing, boss."
He then tried to push her off of him, but she held him down, her hips shifting as her hands pressed into the mattress. "You heard me."
When he remained still, she moved, but only so she could get at the zipper of his suit. He'd already given her more than enough to take in, but she couldn't resist trying for that extra inch. Not when she could trace her fingers over his skin, and hear his quick inhale with the flick of her tongue to his neck.
But when he leaned up to catch her mouth, she didn't think twice about kissing him back, or letting him draw her back down. And when one of his arms slipped out from under her to tangle in her hair, it didn't register at first, not until she felt him smile before planting her flat on her back.
The rest of his suit came off after that, her hands pushing at it just as eagerly as his. Her nails trailed down a few of the scars revealed to her, some of them more familiar than others. She'd avoided it deliberately, but when he guided her hand to the one on his side, her eyes went straight to his covered ones.
And he pulled her to him, kissing her until her lips tingled, and she had no choice but to come up for air. His sunglasses stared back at her still, but he flicked them off, almost casually tossing them towards the end of the bed.
"You would find a way to break them," he murmured, his dark eyes glinting.
She'd seen them only a handful of times, but never with a look like that. Not outside of the ideas she'd played around with in the past, with alcohol as her fuel, and her imagination as the match. Unlike those times, however, she voiced exactly what she'd wanted to, and words tumbled out of her mouth before she could stop them. "Why aren't you inside me yet?"
He laughed. "Fucking impatient. Got to learn some self-control, V."
"You shut the fuck up, because I'm not going to hear you talk to me about that-"
Her face went into the mattress and she swore loudly. Then his mouth sucked hard on the back of her neck and she gasped when he traveled lower, moving along her spine as his body brushed her back. He took his time, sucking at the skin while he held her in place, and by the time he reached her lower back she was practically writhing under him. That's when she felt his fingers tease at her. Light touches to the inside of her thighs as she moved her hips, and when they dipped inside of her her nails went straight into her palms.
"Told you. Impatient."
He entered her again, and the mattress did little to mask the whine that left her mouth. The slide had her trying to buck against his hand in minutes, and by the time she was left panting into the sheets, he was doing the same, his breath hot by her ear. But he didn't curve his fingers, or send her over the edge just yet. They slipped out of her, and she glanced over her shoulder to see him suck on them shortly before he turned her over and buried his face between her legs.
Spreading them further apart to lick at her, he had her breathing fast and struggling not to kick him as his tongue drew every possible noise out of her. Clawing at the sheets, she felt her mouth move as she tried to form words and phrases, but she'd gone straight to the swearing stage. Was cursing him and calling him everything in the book as she caught the expression gracing his face right before he made her come.
And she felt his teeth graze the inside of her thigh as she came down, scratching her hard, but not enough to leave a mark. The sharp suck that followed would, however, and she sat up to grab at him the moment his mouth left her skin. That's when she looked. Took him in as she felt his erection brush against her flushed skin, and traced her fingers over the tip.
"Shit. I always wondered if you were a liar."
Stroking him gently, she drew a groan from his lips the moment her fingers wrapped around him. "No point. Figured I'd be upfront about it."
"To some dumb kid who was trying to impress you? Great job, there. It's almost as if you wanted me to think about your dick."
"Maybe." The low tone had her flushing deeper. "You're the one who's still thinking about it now."
She pushed at his chest to get him to sit back, and the moment she had an opening, she took him into her mouth and tried to lick as much of him as possible. He groped for her as she worked, kneading her breasts as she moaned around him, and when she heard her name slip out, she sucked harder. Wanted to hear it again, rough and desperate, while he ran his fingers through her hair.
Because that was something else she wanted to hold onto. That sound, that deep breath that he couldn't hold onto no matter how hard he tried, and when he pulled her up her eyes met his. And she wanted to hold onto that too. That need, dark and lovely, as he watched her search for a condom to roll onto him, her hands shaking once they did.
She tried to climb onto him, settle onto him as he held onto her, and when he pushed inside, she could feel his fingers press hard into her skin. Because he wasn't patient either, but wanted to be. Wanted to ease into her as her nails came close to drawing blood.
And when he moved, deep inside of her, she threw her head back. Followed every motion with one of her own, and when he rolled her onto her back, she stared up at him until she couldn't keep her eyes open any longer.
Because she wanted that. Every moment, every memento, every second.
Everything had been too short with them. Too short or gone too soon, and she was done living by that. Done waiting for that moment, because there wasn't one. This was them, now, and she wasn't going to let it slip by. Not again.
Not when they could have this.