Twenty five:

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Riften hadn't even been touched by the war. Auriel didn't know whether to be envious or just accept it. In truth, she was actually a little bit jealous of it. There was more revelry in the streets than anger and dissent. It was a far cry from the crabby numbers of Whiterun. She had only stopped there to get a cart ride the rest of the way to Riften, having decided that it was best to look in on the Guild first.

After her multitude of hot baths, of course.

Her housecarl was inclined to object to Auriel shooing her out of the house, but Auriel insisted, and eventually won. An empty house was a welcome blessing, and she indeed took a series of scalding baths to rid herself of the layers of grime and ash that had worked their way into her skin and her hair. She soaked so long in her final bath that she almost fell asleep in it, but fortunately her instincts kept her from going under.

She hung up her armor and armaments, with the intention of going over them later for repairs and replacements, pulled on some of the softest nightclothes she had, and practically fell into bed.

Around midnight she heard the faintest of creaks as her door slipped open, and she shifted slightly, slipping a hand up under her pillow where she kept a dagger. No one in their right mind would try and steal from her, so it was either friendly faces, or assassins.

The opened door brought a breeze with it, carrying two familiar scents, one of spice, and one of old stone and water. She relaxed fractionally; Karliah and Brynjolf were no threat to her. She heard one set of light footsteps head downstairs, another came over to the opposite side of her bed, and waited.

"...I know you're not asleep, Tam," Brynjolf said dryly. "I can see that hand under your pillow."

She snorted a little and half sat up, then rubbed her eyes. Brynjolf was, for the first time in a while, not in armor of any sort, but in the fine clothes she'd seen him wearing while he worked his shop of 'miracle cures.' Of course that shop was entirely defunct now, but still. It was surprising.

"You couldn't come in the morning?" she asked, making a face at him.

"It's after midnight, doesn't that count?" he grinned.

"...remind me to stab you next time," she grumbled.

"I told him this was a bad idea," Karliah murmured, coming back up the stairs to lean against the wall. She too was out of armor, and wearing a purple and black dress that suited her dark coloration. The brown hair was a bit surprising, but after a moment Auriel decided that it didn't look that bad on the Dunmer woman. "But he has this habit of not listening to me."

"Perish the thought, Karliah," he chuckled a little. "I listen to you when it's about thievery."

Auriel rolled her eyes as Karliah let out a delicate snort.

"While the banter is cute, and I'm glad to see you both, it's been a long journey, and I want some sleep. Like, say, a week's worth."

"Aye, we heard you'd gone and gotten yourself involved in the war," Brynjolf nodded. "When we heard you were back in town, we decided we'd come say hello. And maybe play guard."

"...that's sweet, but I do have a housecarl."

"Where?" Karliah asked.

"I kicked her out for a few days." Auriel shrugged. "I didn't want company while bathing, and I still don't want company. There's... some things I haven't yet come to terms with, and I prefer doing it on my own."

"Why's that?" Brynjolf asked, sitting himself down on the edge of the bed.

"...because," Auriel frowned at him. "It's private and personal."

"Oh come now, can't you tell us?"

"Let it go, Brynjolf," Karliah said quietly. "There are some things that just can't be spoken of."

Auriel nodded a little in quiet thanks, and Brynjolf sighed.

"All right, all right... should we come back another time, then?"

"...no, I suppose you can stay, since you're already here," Auriel sighed a little, and it was slightly theatrical; in truth, their company was more welcome than she'd expected. "Though I will be going back to sleep, thank you. I'm exhausted."

"Aye, you look it. Don't worry, we'll be quieter than mice," Brynjolf grinned.

Auriel didn't even have to think about it; she grabbed the spare pillow and smacked him with it. He reeled mockingly, and Auriel used her foot to shove him the rest of the way off the bed. Karliah chuckled softly as the redheaded Nord picked himself up off the floor, and made a mocking show of dusting himself off. Auriel just grinned.

"You can sleep downstairs, you roguish trouble-causer," she snorted. "I'd rather Karliah's company."

"You wound me to the quick, lass," Brynjolf placed both hands over his heart dramatically, affecting a drunken stumble to his walk.

Auriel brandished her own pillow threateningly, and he laughed, then trotted down the stairs. She had no doubt he'd appropriate Iona's room. After a moment she set the pillows back where they belonged and stretched back out. Karliah hesitated, then sat on the bed in the empty spot.

"You trust me more than Brynjolf?" the Dunmer asked softly.

"...I trust you not to start anything, yes," Auriel yawned. "Nords are all alike, I've noticed. Most lacking in subtlety, and the inability to recognize when a lady wants only friendship. Brynjolf is slightly more clever than that, but on the whole, I just want rest, and to... come to terms with what happened."

"Ah, I see," Karliah chuckled softly. "Yes, he does do that from time to time. He can be quite the fussy person. He kept his ear to the ground on news of the war, trying to pick up anything he could to assure himself that you were still alive."

"...mmm... I suppose that's understandable, since the only time I was in Whiterun in these past months was when we were attacking it," Auriel yawned again, and curled up a little more under the blanket. "Well, I'm not dead... Just ask me questions later..."

"We will. Now rest."

While sharing a bed with someone wasn't new to her, it was different to share it with a friend that she knew would guard her back She didn't let her guard down completely, but she slept deeper and longer than she probably would have on her own. Her dreams were untroubled, for the first time in a long while, and when she woke, it was because Brynjolf dropped a pan on her kitchen floor.

"I told you not to touch it," Karliah said dryly. "I was waiting for it too cool a bit before I moved it. You're lucky it was empty already."

"You can quit laughing now," he retorted with a huff. "It's not that funny."

Auriel slipped silently out of bed, and changed while they bickered companionably. She had braided up her hair after the bath, and decided it could stay like that for a few days. Then she leaned in the doorway and watched them work curiously; it was admittedly odd to see them both working on making food. It wasn't a skill she associated with either of them, though Karliah seemed to have a masterful touch at it, while Brynjolf... well, he tried.

"Well, at least you won't burn a house down trying to cook, Bryn," Auriel teased as he set aside another pot.

He huffed at her in mock hurt, and she shook her head. In truth, they'd done a fairly good job at providing her with food; she would have just bought something at the Bee and Barb instead of cooking. Not that she couldn't, but it was not her typical pastime.

The table was well laden with things; dumplings and sweet rolls, bread, butter, cheeses, fruits, as well as some grilled chicken, and other things. Auriel raised an eyebrow slightly. This was more food than the three of them would be able to eat in one sitting.

"We figured we'd stick around for a couple of days, and fill you in on everything you missed over here," Brynjolf said with a winsome smile. "It's been a busy few months, after all, and you've missed out on a lot."

"...remind me to throw a boot at you next time," Auriel shook her head a little as she sat down in one of the chairs.

"If he forgets, I'll do it for you," Karliah chuckled softly.

"Well, if it's the price to pay to have the attention of two lovely ladies, I suppose I could take a few boots," Brynjolf grinned.

"Armored."

"Oh, now that's just mean, Tam," he sighed dramatically. "And here we are being so nice to you!"

"I never said you weren't. Just that at some point I'll throw my boot at you."

The food and company were well-appreciated, though Auriel chose to not let on how much. She hadn't though she would need the company of friends, but after the aggravations of Ralof, and the exhausting nature of the war, those who made few demands on her energy were quite welcome.

As promised, Brynjolf and Karliah took turns in filling her in on the things she'd missed. The Guild was back in full swing, with the Ragged Flagon once more being part of a city under the city. The treasury was filling up with gold and jewels aplenty, and while they hadn't recovered all the plans that Mercer had stolen, there was a good chunk of new ones just waiting for approval.

In turn, she told them bits and pieces about the war, Ulfric, and how it had all finally played out. Brynjolf was terribly impressed at the fact that she had been named a family member of the influential Jarl. He was also terribly amused by Ralof's bumbling pursuit of her, and she had to kick him off his chair to make him stop laughing. Karliah was much more sympathetic to that particular irritation, and 'accidentally' dumped her mug of cold water over Brynjolf's head to help him stop laughing.

A damp Brynjolf made Auriel grin, though she held back the laughter. He spluttered and complained that he was being ganged up on, which was the truth, and neither elf was inclined towards sympathy. He went on to lament about their cruelty until Auriel leaned over and dumped her mug of water on him. Karliah giggled unrepentantly, and Auriel smirked.

She felt... not quite safe, but well protected enough to let her guard down some, and linger in places where before she would have been agitating to be on the move. She spent several weeks in Riften, going over Thieves Guild activities, the first time in a long while she'd stayed there without worrying about the Thalmor. In fact, they were a secondary concern to keeping the rabble of thieves in line and properly directed at useful targets.

When she visited Nightingale Hall, at Karliah's request, she found the hall in somewhat better repair. Brynjolf was busy with a number of tasks Auriel had asked him to coordinate, since Karliah's request had been to come alone, and in truth, Auriel was more than happy to let him handle it. While he had stayed firmly on the friend side of her personal boundaries, she caught him occasionally giving her softer looks, no doubt wishing to be closer than that. While she appreciated the Nord, she wanted his friendship, and his loyalty. He could love her if he so chose, but she knew that he wasn't the one for her.

Karliah nodded in greeting, and motioned for Auriel to join her; the days of camaraderie, aided by Brynjolf's presence, had worn away the last of the ire Auriel held for the Dunmer's trickery. So Auriel sat in a nearby chair that was more comfortable than initially expected, and cocked her head a little curiously.

"I'm glad you came alone," Karliah smiled ruefully. "Brynjolf is quite pleased to have you back, you know."

"Yes. I hope he doesn't expect me to stay, however," Auriel shrugged a little. "I have other places to look into soon."

"Auriel... he told me that the Thalmor are hunting you. Have you ever figured out why?"

The redhead shook her head.

"They have a greater reason to hunt me now, of course, but Ulfric is working on closing their Embassy and escorting them out of the country," she replied. "I had hoped to be less conspicuous than I was, but that idiot Nord... He insisted I take part in things that I have no desire towards doing."

"You speak both fondly and irritably of Ulfric," Karliah chuckled a little. "I suppose your closeness to the situation granted you that sort of familiarity with him, mm?"

"Well, he named me sister, and called my Stormblade, for all it still feels an oddness," Auriel shrugged a little. "And he certainly settled into the role of annoying younger brother easily enough."

"With his influence, you can go anywhere, do anything," Karliah said. "So I have to wonder why you're hiding here, with the Guild?"

"...I suppose I'm not yet ready to return to Whiterun," Auriel sighed. "I know I should go back, but how many people saw me in the mix of soldiers, moving through barricades to get up to Dragonsreach. How many will make me as a hero, and how many an enemy?"

"Is that really all you're worried about?" Karliah's expression was skeptical.

"They are not small problems, Karliah. The number of places where I may well be considered an enemy is much greater now. I may not entirely fear for my life, but I know well that the Battle-Borns, at least, would probably enjoy shoving a sword down my throat."

Both mer were quiet for a while, then Auriel sighed.

"I'm tired of fighting. Protecting myself is one thing, but the war was... it was bad, Karliah. Some nights I can't sleep for the memories of the wounded crying in pain, the smell of blood and ash in the air. Perhaps it is cowardly of me, but I want to see Whiterun whole again, not scarred by the war."

"If that's the case, where will you go next?"

"Probably up to Winterhold. Tolfdir was saying he wanted me to watch a few students and asses them to see if they were ready to move up a grade of spells. It'll be cold, but it'll also be one of the safer places," she smiled dryly. "Unless the mages want to let someone across the bridge, it's generally not going to happen. Once the furor of post-war patriotism and anger have died down a bit more... maybe then..."

"What about the Companions? Don't you think they'll be worried?"

Auriel snorted a little, and smiled wryly.

"I suppose Bryn told you about that too... The only one I expect to really worry about me is Farkas, and..." She went quiet for a long moment. "I have to come to terms with a few things before I'll be ready to see him again."

"...you love him, don't you?"

"I don't know, Karliah. That's the problem. I know he cares about me, and... it's confusing. Part of me thinks he'd be better served by someone his own height and speed, and part of me doesn't care to consider that idea. The things I'm involved in... I just... I don't know."

Karliah smiled sympathetically.

"Why not tell me about him?" the Dunmer asked gently. "Maybe talking your way through it will help. It certainly helped me when I was trying to decide about Gallus... though I regret now that I spoke to Mercer about it at all."

Auriel snorted, a faint, reluctant smile crossing her face.

"Well, hopefully you won't do that. You and Bryn are close now, hmmm?~" the redhead teased.

"Yes, but not that close," Karliah blushed, making Auriel snicker. "Like you two, we are only close friends. I learned that lesson well, and have no desire to get involved with a fellow Nightingale."

Auriel chuckled a little, and shrugged lightly.

"He's a Nord, big, burly, and dark haired. Silver eyes. He's... kind. Patient. Perhaps ridiculously attached to me, though I am not sure I understand why. I think he sees an ideal, and the ideal is not who I am... His brother calls him slow, and I admit, he does tend to be rather simplistic in terms of thought, but he's also observant. He trusts me..."

Auriel's voice trailed off, and she sighed a little. Karliah smiled sympathetically.

"You have a hard time with trusting anyone, don't you?" she asked.

"I didn't always, but after a while, it just becomes second nature. It's easier to not trust, and to live on your own. Safer too, in many ways."

"What sort of life were you living?"

"The kind I still don't want to talk about, but you can probably guess, since you have many of the pertinent details," Auriel sighed a little. "Suffice to say, I don't even know if I can love. I can care. I can guard my friendships, but... anything beyond is dangerous. All it takes is one slip, and all I've done will be undone, because they will know."

"...as much as there is great folly in love, there is great strength in it too," Karliah said softly. "A trust far greater than anything else can bolster a wounded spirit, and to have someone at your back, without question or worry... it can be a wonderful thing."

"Yes, but the trust has to be mutual... I don't know if I can do that."

"You can try," Karliah said gently. "I know you trust Brynjolf, and myself. You trust that Galmar fellow, and Ulfric. And Tolfdir. Perhaps the numbers are few, but you do know how to trust... you just need to try."

"...maybe. I don't know," Auriel sighed. "But regardless, I have a number of things to do before I head in that direction. The Jarls aren't yet pressing for the Moot, but I told Ulfric I'd be there when it came... He also wanted me to go about getting more formal training in the Voice."

"Will you run forever from this feeling, my friend?" Karliah asked.

"Stop. I know you mean well, but stop. It is my business, not yours, and I will deal with it as I see fit."

Auriel frowned at the Dunmer woman, who sighed and nodded. The talk turned away from heavy emotions into more neutral areas; how to fix up Nightingale Hall further, and the number of escape routes the thieves in the Guild were coming up with.

After lingering for a while longer, Auriel made good on her word and took fond leave of her friends to go north to Winterhold and the College. She was greeted warmly, and with praise from almost everyone she met that had been keeping an ear to the ground about the war. Winterhold had been strictly neutral, but unlike Whiterun, they hadn't been strategically important enough to mess with, and had accepted the idea of Ulfric in charge willingly enough. To hear that their own Arch-Mage had been at the forefront of the war meant that she spent several meetings simply telling them everything that had happened.

In a way, talking about everything she'd seen, while not pleasant, assuaged a part of her that was aching over it. She had not gone to war for fame or glory, she had gone to war because it was an expedient method for getting the Thalmor out of the country. She had seen horrible things up close and personal, and she regretted them. But she also accepted them.

She spent a few weeks in Winterhold, trying to consider her options. She was safer now than she had been in a very long time. Yes, the Embassy was still currently open and operating, but the likelihood of her being targeted was smaller; she had too many influential people backing her, and many of them would go after someone who attempted to attack her without a second thought,

Maybe it was okay to admit that Farkas was more important to her than she'd initially wanted him to be.

Whiterun, when she finally returned to the city, was quiet. It had been well-repaired after the fighting had finished, and other than a few places, most everything looked the way it was supposed to. Her own home had been locked up tight, so other than a few things rattled off the shelves and onto the floors, it was untouched.

She still waited for dusk before she made her silent way up to the Gildergreen, settling onto her favorite bench. The Amulet of Mara was hidden under her clothes; she didn't want people getting the wrong idea, after all. She didn't want just anyone. She wanted Farkas. But she wanted to talk to him first, before she committed fully to the idea. Auriel hoped that he was in town, and not out on one of the many jobs of the Companions. If he wasn't, she was going to feel downright silly for sitting here.

Still, the tree was nice. And with the Talos priest still busy repairing his house, he didn't have the time or energy to bellow his sermons at passing people. There was a slight, lingering tension in the air, but on the whole, it was a wonderfully relaxing evening to be under the tree. She let her mind drift, idly turning over new ideas in her head. She had certainly put off visiting the Graybeards long enough... Had it been a year, or longer?

It was hard to imagine she'd been in Skyrim for such a short time. She'd become so familiar with it that it felt more like three. She smiled faintly, tipping her head back to watch the stars come out through the branches of the Gildergreen. Who would have thought that all of what she'd done would take so little time. She wasn't untouchable, not entirely, but she was much harder to get at now.

"A... Auri?"

She startled slightly, and glanced up. It was probably the first time she hadn't heard Farkas approach, and when she caught sight of him she saw why. It was odd seeing him in cityfolk clothing instead of armor, but she found she rather liked it. The stunned look on his face made her smile faintly; he looked like someone had just clocked him with a piece of wood, all unbelieving and... well, rather like a puppy. She stood up fluidly, and offered him that faint smile.

"Hello Far. It's been a while."

Hesitantly he stepped forward, lifted a hand, then immediately dropped it. It was clear he wanted to touch her, and make sure she was real, but he recalled well her aversion to casual contact.

"Eorlund said you'd gone to war..." he said uncertainly.

"War's over. Mostly. I'm not dead, if that's what you're thinking. It takes a lot more than... all of that, to kill me."

She was quiet for a long moment, simply studying him. He looked tired, she decided, and there were fine lines of worry on his face that indicated he'd been brooding more than he ought to. Unlike Ralof, however, he respected her desire to not be touched, no matter how clearly his body language said he wanted to hold her. She sighed a little, and stepped forward until she could rest her head against his chest.

"I'm home, you goon," she murmured softly. "I'm home."

Slowly, his arms came up until they were wrapped around her gingerly. He was trembling a little, clearly wanting to hold her tightly, and just as clearly holding himself back. Peace slid through her, a subtle easing of tension she hadn't even known she'd been carrying. A weight slid from her shoulders, and she leaned against him more firmly.

"Yeah..." his voice was a little hoarse, and very soft. "Welcome home."

That was the right word for it, she decided, lifting her arms to loosely drape around his waist. This was home. Right here in his arms, was home. He tightened his own hold in response to her, and she listened to the beating of his heart for several long minutes. She didn't want to end the peace, and the comfort, but... but if she was going to let this happen, well, he had the right to know a few things about her.

"Far?"

"Y...yeah?"

"Would you come with me for a little bit? There's... something I need to tell you."

She felt him tense, and had to smile faintly, a little sadly.

"It may change your perception on some things, but... but you have earned the right to know."

"...okay. Where to?" he asked.

"Follow me."

She was reluctant to step out of his hold, but when she slipped her hand into his, he followed along willingly enough. She brought him back to her house, and felt him tense up again. She snorted a little, and pushed him gently to a chair.

"You attraction to me is possibly the worst kept secret of the Companions," she teased him gently as he fidgeted uncertainly. "You are far too easy to read, you know that, right?"

"Ah, yeah..." he rubbed the back of his neck self-consciously, a little sheepishly.

"Will you listen to what I have to say?"

"Yeah."

So she told him everything, starting from Helgen, and moving on through her adventures. She told him that she had once been a Thalmor spy, but no longer, that she was the Arch-Mage of the College, and the Thieves Guild Master. She spoke of her friendship with Ulfric, Brynjolf, Karliah and Tolfdir. She wasn't sure how much of it he understood, and there was a long silence when she was finished. Metaphorically, she held her breath, wondering what he would make of it all. But she would make no excuses for her actions, and he had to understand that if he wanted to be with her, he was going to be in danger.

He sat in the chair long enough for Auriel to become more bored and a little hungry instead of anxious, and she got up to make something to eat.

"You were with the Thalmor," he finally said, "but not anymore?"

"At this point, they probably want to kill me for a grand variety of things, so no. Not anymore. Not ever again."

"...okay."

She blinked, and looked at him over her shoulder. He had shifted the chair around so that he could look back.

"Okay?"

"You're you," he said simply. "I trust you."

Auriel stared a little, then quickly looked back down at the food she was preparing. Even after all that, knowing her faults, knowing her past... he trusted her? She heard him get up, and didn't move, trying to understand the enormity of the weight he had just lifted from her, the fear that was now simply gone. He trusted her. He trusted her.

When he wrapped his arms around her gingerly, she turned into his hold and threw her own around his neck, holding on tightly. She felt more than saw his surprise, and he nuzzled at her a little after a moment. She wasn't crying, no, but there was such a profound sense of relief that it was hard to let anything else in.

"Auri? Are you okay?"

"Yeah... just... give me a few moments. Please."

"Okay."

He just held her, nuzzling her gently every now and then. After a couple minutes he cautiously lifted a hand and let it run over her hair. She relaxed against him, little by little, and finally let out a long breath.

"...I wouldn't want a... public ceremony," she murmured quietly, fishing around under her collar. "But I have an amulet of Mara here..."

He shifted, and rested his hand carefully over hers.

"We can do whatever you want," he said simply.

"No ceremony?"

"No ceremony."

"You'll just... stay with me?"

"Yeah."

She paused, and then chuckled a little.

"So, wait, who's proposing to whom, exactly?" she teased.

Farkas hesitated, then kissed her forehead.

"Does it matter? I want to be with you. That's enough."

"...you're right. It is."