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Chapter 24
Anakin had no idea how to start the conversation with his sister because he wasn't sure what the problem was. The Force told him it had something to do with homesickness, but that didn't make any sense. Caisha's home was here, with him, Padme and the twins. What other home could she be missing?
The Temple? Maybe she was still upset, still grieving. Maybe instead of dealing with her emotions, she'd buried them like he used to think he had to, and now they were all just boiling over.
Great. He had a starting place. From there, Anakin intended to do what he always did: dive in headfirst and hope for the best.
So that evening after he and Padme had put the twins to bed, Anakin left his wife reading some political nonsense and went to see his sister. At the last second, he decided not to burst into her head, but knocked on her door and called her name instead. "It's open." Came the call back, so he entered.
Acacia smiled like she always did, but there was something that wasn't like the usual at all. He noticed she was holding her commlink, flipping it over in her hands, and she seemed so far away, like she'd gone somewhere he couldn't reach.
Anakin shook off that idea. His sister would never be so far that he couldn't reach her.
"Hey, Caish," he said, sitting on the bed beside her.
"Hey, Ani." She glanced over at him, the sad smile slipping into something slightly confused. "Is everything okay?"
"I was gonna ask you that actually."
Acacia raised her eyebrows. "What do you mean?"
Anakin paused, then dove. "Acacia, are you okay?"
She blinked, and even without looking into her head, Anakin saw the tumult in her heart. How, for just one second, she was going to spill it all, tell him everything like she used to.
Then she closed off. "Of course, Ani. I'm totally fine," she lied – while putting up a mental block so he couldn't see the truth.
Anakin shook his head. "Caisha, I've known there was something up with you for weeks. Even Obi-Wan noticed it when he came by. So fess up. What's the problem?"
Acacia frowned, staring at the floor. "Obi-Wan noticed?"
"Yeah. And he told me to talk to you if you didn't come around soon."
She scoffed. "So that's why you came? Because your Master told you to?"
"No, I only mentioned him so you'd know that we're Force Masters, and you're not fooling anyone." Acacia rolled her eyes, and Anakin sensed her annoyance, so he plunged on before she could stop him. "I came to talk to you because I promised I'd watch out for you. That I wouldn't make you feel less again."
Acacia still didn't look at him. She just said, "Oh," to her shoes.
"Come on, Caish." He bumped her shoulder. "Tell me all your troubles." Anakin tried for a joke, but his sister didn't laugh. Instead she shrugged him off and shook her head. "I'm fine, Ani."
"No, you're not and we both know it. Quit lying."
She sighed. "Fine. I'm not fine. But I'll be fine eventually and you wouldn't understand anyway."
For a moment, Anakin wondered if he ought to get Padme for this discussion. If this was gonna turn into a girl-talk thing...
But Acacia suddenly laughed. "It's not what you're thinking, Anakin."
"Wait, you're allowed to read my mind, but I can't read yours?"
She shrugged. "You're the one who didn't block me. Besides, like I said, it's not a girl-talk thing. You just... you wouldn't get it. Even if I did show you."
"Then make me get it."
"It's just–" She cut herself off, sucking in a deep breath like she had to keep herself from going too far. "I'm feeling a little... lost, is all." She scoffed, shaking her head. "It sounds so stupid when I say it that way."
Anakin was careful not to mentally agree in case she heard him and clammed up completely. After several seconds of silence, during which he sorted through memories of Obi-Wan's lessons on tact (most of which he'd ignored), Anakin said, "What do you mean by lost?"
"Like... I don't know. I just feel like I'm doing something wrong. Like I'm not where I'm supposed to be or doing what I'm supposed to do."
Anakin squinted. "Is this about the babysitting?"
"No. Yes. Ugh, it's complicated! I told you you wouldn't understand."
"And I told you to make me. Whack me over the head if it'll help me get it, Caish."
His sister laughed, and Anakin secretly congratulated himself as she finally relented. "When I joined the Jedi, I knew absolutely, positively, beyond the shadow of a doubt that I was in the right place. I don't feel that way now. I mean, you, right now," Acacia turned towards her brother. "You feel like you're exactly where you're meant to be, right? Like you're home?" When Anakin hesitated, she rolled her eyes. "Just admit it, Ani, I know it's true."
So he nodded. "Yeah, I do feel that way. But Caish, it's your home too."
"I know that," she whispered, turning away again. "I do." But Anakin sensed it was herself she was trying to persuade, and that she didn't feel it as firmly as she claimed.
Anakin wanted to fix things, to make her better. But he had no idea how. Unlike when he began the conversation, he didn't have a starting point anymore. And winging it? Yeah, not really working at the moment.
"That," Acacia said, breaking the silence. "is exactly how I feel."
"What is?"
"Like I don't have a starting point anymore. A point of reference to know which direction I'm supposed to go in. No offense, Ani, but it's like I'm just... following you around. I'm not doing anything. Not for me, anyway." She shook her head. "Nope, that came out wrong. Stars, I sound like a spoiled brat." She sighed. "Maybe it would be easier if I just showed you."
"Um, yeah. I'm kinda thinking it would."
"Fine, then. Here goes." Down came the mental block, and out flowed every one of her emotions, flooding into his mind. All the confusion and restlessness and lostness he'd sensed in her, he felt it again only a million times magnified.
And almost all of it stemmed from the loss of the Temple. He watched Acacia look on as the others – Obi-Wan, her best friend, Kady, Anakin himself, even the baby Poluna – settled into their new lives post-Temple. And he saw his sister floundering, desperately searching for a handhold, trying to discover where she fit into this mixed-up, messed-up Galaxy, this all-new game Sidious had cruelly tossed them in.
Like she'd said, she'd lost her starting point, and now she was lost somewhere in the middle, unsure of where to land or where to go next.
And then amidst it all, he saw one shining word, Tatooine.
"Tatooine?" Anakin pulled back, sucking himself out of his sister's head. "Why do you want to go there?"
Wrong answer. He knew it immediately in the way she became defensive, shoulders hunched, eyes darkened, eyebrows pulled low over her face. "Did you miss everything I just showed you?"
"No, and that bit I almost understand, believe it or not. But what's Tattooine got to do with anything?"
"It's our starting point, Ani. Mine and yours."
"Well yeah, but some starting points are better left behind, Caish. What's good on that worthless ball of sand anyway? Mom's dead, your dad's dead." They'd discovered that during the Clone Wars, when the two of them briefly visited to the farm while looking for an outlaw in the area. "What's left?"
"Owen and Beru are there, you know," Acacia said, her voice steely, glaring at the ground rather than at him.
"Right. Sorry. I forgot."
"Yeah." She nodded. "I'm sure you did." Anakin resisted the urge to ask exactly what she meant by that. For once, he was trying to use discretion and he figured heading down that road would only make them both angry which would completely defeat the purpose of this conversation.
"Caish, I'm sorry. Really."
"I know."
An uncomfortable pause that stretched on far too long. "So... you want to go back to Tatooine because you feel like your roots are there?"
"I don't know, Ani. Maybe it's the Force, maybe I'm just crazy. But I feel like I'll find something there. Something important. Something that'll help me... find me. Force, that sounded–"
"Kinda dumb?" Anakin finished, hoping for a smile.
For once, he got what he hoped for. "Gee, thanks," she replied dryly. "So you mean it sounded like you?"
Anakin chuckled along with her, stuffing his sarcastic reply in favor of the shaky understanding he and his sister were coming to.
They sat in silence for another few moments, neither quite sure where to go from there, until Anakin finally said. "So you want to go back to Tatooine?"
"Yup," she replied the last letter popping on her lips, like she was releasing something to him.
"Well, I can't take you now. Obviously. Spy stuff, Senate stuff, Sidious stuff, all that."
She sighed again. "I know it."
"Hear me out, Caish. I'm not gonna pretend to get all of this, but I can see it's important to you. So help me figure out this spy thing, and I promise I'll take you back to the farm myself."
Acacia spun on him, violet eyes wide in surprise. "Are you serious?"
"Hey, do I look like I'm kidding?" Anakin grinned. "Like I said, Caish, this is important to you. So after we get this spy and throw them in jail forever, I'll take you to Tatooine. Hey, maybe we'll even bring Padme and the twins, make a family trip out of it."
Acacia grinned, throwing her arms around her brother. "Oh, thank you, Ani!"
"No problem, Squirt." She pulled back to punch him in the arm, and he laughed. "Who's the best big brother ever?"
Acacia rolled her eyes. "You know I can't answer that."
"What Owen doesn't know won't hurt him."
They chuckled again, Acacia shaking her head at his silliness, but laughing with more genuine joy than Anakin had seen in her in a long time. "You're bad."
"Very. But Caish, while I sort of understand that you're... you're searching or whatever – I can't say this without sounding stupid, so don't laugh – you know you do always have a place here with us?"
She smiled. "Yeah, I know."
"Great. We're good then?"
Acacia nodded once. "Very."
"Great." Anakin stood to his feet. "See you in the morning."
"The morning," she agreed. "And then we get started."
And with that, Anakin watched Acacia throw herself into the chase like she never had before. He didn't know for sure if it was their talk, the promise of return to Tatooine, or both, but Acacia seemed happier, more comfortable, more vibrant and alive than he'd seen her since... well, since before the Emperor stole their home and family by burning the Temple and slaughtering the Jedi.
At the time, Anakin had felt his own level of pain of course, but truthfully, he'd already been on his way out from the Order. He'd never stopped to think, though, what a toll the whole ordeal had taken on his sister, just how much pain Sidious caused her. The very thought made Anakin want to Force-Choke the life right out of him.
At the moment, the young Jedi found himself with a long list of to-dos: be a great dad, husband, and brother; help train his wife and his sister; find their spy; eventually take Acacia to Tatooine...
But inching its way onto the list was Make Palpatine pay.
He felt the anger stirring deep within him, but he knew better than to give it too much control. That was the way to become just like Sidious after all, which would more or less defeat the purpose. But, though he had to force himself to ignore the anger, that didn't mean the reason behind it could be forgotten.
Sidious had caused him and his family worlds of pain. When the time came, Anakin would deal that back a hundredfold.
But it shouldn't be about revenge, a voice – not Acacia's – gently reminded him. It's about the good of the Galaxy, and those in it. That is the Jedi way.
Anakin nodded to himself. Of course it was. He knew that.
Unfortunately, it didn't change the fact that revenge was what he wanted.
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