Ch. 26 – The Strongest Bond
"That bomb was meant for you, wasn't it?"
Looking up from a dizzy haze, I saw Abby Deveraux stand before me. Wearing the same floral print dress that she had on at the wedding, the lovely teenager appeared to be an avenging angel. Hands on her hips, she glared at me angrily with tears in her eyes.
Tony and I had been sitting side by side in the hospital waiting room for hours, desperate for news on how Jennifer was doing. We, along with so many of the other wedding attendees, looked like escaped monsters from an old horror film. Tony's hair was mussed up, his evening clothes smudged with smoke and dust stains. I had his coat wrapped around me, hiding my torn and bloodied wedding dress from view.
Even as we were speaking, victims from the bombing were still being rushed into the Salem Hospital Emergency Room. I grimaced as I saw burn victims and those in shell shock. So many people who had suffered so horribly; and I had nothing but a few scrapes and bruises. And I felt more than a little survivor's guilt.
And here was Jennifer's daughter, wanting an explanation for why her mother was suffering. I had no answers for her.
Tony squeezed my hand encouragingly as he answered her.
"We don't know enough of the details yet. The police are looking into it."
"My mother shouldn't be in there!" Abby cried out.
"I know that, Abby," I answered. "We all know that. And I am so sorry."
"Are you?" Abby cried out incredulously. "I grew up without my Dad for a long time. And then I thought he was dead because of you, Tony DiMera!"
I bit my tongue to keep from explaining once again that Andre DiMera had been responsible for her family's suffering. But now was not the time to quibble over details.
"But Mom..."
Abby began to sob in helpless tears. I could not help but rise up and try to hug her.
"Don't touch me!!" Abby started, all but pushing me away. "It should be you in there! You're the one married to a criminal! You're the one that the bomb was meant for! God, I wish it was you in there! I WISH IT WAS YOU!!!"
Abby's grief broke my heart. I couldn't help but cry too. It hadn't been all that long ago when I had lost my own adoptive parents. I knew all too well how lost and helpless she felt.
"Abby..." I sobbed. "I know you don't mean that..."
"YES, I DO!!!"
"But you must remember that your mother is still alive. She's going to make it..."
"Yes," Tony answered, putting a comforting arm around my waist. "Your mother is a strong woman. I have every confidence that she will survive."
"No thanks to you..." she bit back angrily at Tony. "You've done everything you could to make her life a living hell, and now..."
"Abigail!"
Jack, obviously being alerted to Abby's meltdown, left Jennifer's side in the ICU unit to console his daughter.
"Abigail..." he said softly, working very hard to keep from collapsing into hysterics himself as he hugged her. "Please...you have to be strong for your mother. Make her proud. We've been through so much. We can get through this. It's a piece of cake, right?"
"Dad, I'm so scared..."
"Me too, Abigail..." Jack whispered. "Me too."
I turned away from Jack and Abby and walked to the hospital lounge, unable to bear witness to their agony any longer. Before I knew it, I was having my own meltdown. Immediately, Tony was by my side, holding me close.
"God...Tony..." I sobbed. "Why did this have to happen? Why?"
"I know," he soothed, stroking my hair. "Shush. I know."
"Abby's right. It should have been me."
"No!"
Tony pulled back and grasped my face in both hands.
"You mustn't talk that way. I won't let you think like that. Leigh, you must try to calm down. Think of the baby."
I took some deep breaths, nodding as I did so.
We saw that Jennifer's doctor was in the hospital lobby, talking to Jack and Abby. Apparently, the news was not good. Abby broke down yet again until her friends, Chelsea and Stephanie, offered to take her to the cafeteria where she could pull herself together. And Jack sat alone, disconsolate.
"Listen, I can't just sit here like this, doing nothing..." Tony confided to me. "I am going to call Abe Carver, see if he has any news about what's going on with the investigation. Will you be alright here?"
"Sure," I nodded sadly. "Go ahead."
I knew that Tony was restless and uncomfortable in the face of such raw emotion. So was I.
Looking around, I saw there were clusters of people around, spread throughout the hospital...all there for Jennifer. She was so loved and cherished throughout Salem. It was hard to think of a woman so full of life lying there in that hospital bed, fighting for her own survival.
"Jack..." I said, sitting down in the chair next to him. "How is she?"
"They don't know if she's going to make it..." he answered, his eyes glazed with shock.
"I'm so sorry, Jack...I'm so sorry for everything."
Something in Jack's expression hardened as he turned to face me.
"How can you..."
He stopped himself from continuing.
"Jack, if you have something to say to me, please say it."
"No, it's your wedding day and..."
"Jack, the wedding has officially proven to be a disaster. We've never kept things from each other. Tell me what's on your mind."
"OK," he agreed grimly. "But remember you asked for it. How can you have the gall to sit there and apologize to me when you must have known that something like this was going to happen all along?"
I looked at Jack, stunned.
"Jack, how can you possibly think that I would have known that this was going to happen?"
"EJ Wells has tried to kill you how many times now?" he hissed. "And with this big spectacle of a wedding, it was just too good for him to resist. How could you put so many people in danger by going through with this wedding?"
"Jack, EJ was on the run!" I said in self-defense. "We had no way of knowing he was going to disrupt our wedding. And Tony had airtight security all over the place..."
"Oh, yes, it was airtight all right!" Jack interrupted, his blue eyes cold with fury. "So airtight that my wife might..."
He couldn't even continue.
"Jack, you mustn't think that way," I begged. "Please...I know Jennifer will be okay. She has to be okay."
"There wasn't one guest there for Tony, do you know that?" Jack challenged. "They were all there for you, Leigh! Every single one of them. Those were your friends because Tony doesn't have any friends! He has done too much to hurt everyone here in Salem. And this..."
Jack gestured around the hospital bleakly.
"This is just one more DiMera horror story...maybe the worst one of all. Why couldn't you have had the decency to just elope? Why did you have to make a big show out of it, with your fancy party and flowers and wedding dress? Were you so anxious to flaunt your newly-found wealth and title in front of everyone? Was Tony that hot to flaunt the next DiMera heir? So much so that you'd put everyone in danger, regardless of the price?"
I was horrified to hear Jack talking to me this way.
"No!" I cried out. "No! Absolutely not! Jack, you're upset about Jennifer. And that's why you're saying this stuff to me. But, believe me, Tony would never..."
"Oh, spare me the excuses," Jack interrupted, unwilling to listen to me. "You always have an excuse for Tony, don't you? No matter what he does or who he hurts..."
I didn't know what to say.
"All I know is that whenever I'm anywhere near that man, someone in my family gets hurt. And this time, it's..."
Jack's eyes glistened with unshed tears as he struggled to say his wife's name.
"It's Jennifer..." His voice cracked with emotion. "A woman who has never hurt anyone. You know, I didn't want to even go to your wedding, Leigh. I'll tell you the truth. I think Tony Dimera's poison for you, whether you're having his baby or not. But Jennifer...she always believes in the best in people. She kept comparing you and Tony to us. She said that you would change Tony and make him into a decent guy. That's how she is. She always believes that true love conquers all..."
If looks could kill, Jack would have slain me right there on the spot.
"But the fact is you're not changing Tony DiMera," he remarked cruelly. "He's changing you...into someone I don't even know anymore. You've become a DiMera through and through, haven't you? You've become someone who is selfish and irresponsible and dangerous and..."
"That's enough, Deveraux!"
Tony's voice startled me as I turned around. My husband's expression was hard, impenetrable, as he glared at Jack with restrained viciousness.
"Out of respect to the pain you are going through, I will not acknowledge your rudeness to my wife," he said in that lethal quiet way of his. "But I cannot allow you to upset the mother of my child this way. Come, Leigh. There's nothing more we can do here."
"Yes, I'd say you've done plenty as it is..." Jack snarled back.
"Tony..." I started. "I really don't feel right going home right now...not when Jennifer is..."
"I must insist," Tony interrupted, brooking no argument.
"Is that what your marriage is going to be like, Leigh?" Jack retorted, furiously staring down Tony. "Are you going to spend the rest of your life being bullied around by him?"
Tony opened up his mouth, undoubtedly to lash out with a vicious retort.
Before there was yet another unpleasant exchange between the two men, I interceded.
"No, I guess Tony is right. I am tired and I should probably go home. But please call me if there's any change with Jennifer."
"Enjoy the honeymoon in Venice..." Jack snarled. "I'm sure it's lovely in Italy this time of year. And please, don't forget to send Jennifer a 'Get Well' card..."
If there was a nearby hole, I would have crawled into it somewhere.
"Again, Jack, I'm very sorry..."
Jack did not acknowledge my apology.
"You also have my condolences," Tony added.
Jack sniffed at his words in disdain.
As Tony grimly took my arm, I felt the accusing stares and whispers all around us throughout the hospital. The entire Horton clan would cheerfully have burned us both at the stake at that moment. I felt deserving of the hatred. Yes, I had been foolish and irresponsible, allowing Tony to have his big wedding. I supposed I had been carried away by my dreams. What girl wouldn't want to have a dream wedding, marrying her prince with all of the pomp and ceremony possible? But I should have seen the bigger picture. EJ had tried to kill me twice before. Jack was right. Such an event had to have proven such a temptation for his next attack.
Tony and I were silent as we went to our limousine parked outside of the hospital. Even Bart looked sad as he opened the car door for me.
The ride to the DiMera mansion was horribly awkward. What could you say when your wedding day turned into a nightmare? Tony and I should have been toasting our new marriage with champagne. We should have been necking in the car on our way to the airport.
While I knew that Jennifer was going through much, I couldn't help but feel sorry for myself too. This was so damned unfair for my wedding to turn out this way!
I looked longingly at Tony, needing desperately to hear some words of comfort or wisdom from him. But as it was, my groom was coldly withdrawn as he sullenly stared out of the car window.
The tension in the air seemed to get to be too much even for Bart.
"Sorry things turned out the way they did, Boss..." he said sheepishly as he pulled into the garage of the Dimera Mansion. "That really sucked. Hell of a way to start out on a honeymoon, isn't it?"
I grimaced, expecting Tony to lose his temper with his manservant. But he was eerily silent, so much so that he scared me.
As Bart helped me out of the car, I looked nervously across the way at Tony.
"Tony...what are we going to do?"
As if pulled out from some distant dark cave of his soul, Tony looked at me blankly at first. But then he took my arm as he led me into the house, patting my hand distractedly as I were just an inquisitive little child.
"You're going to get some much-needed rest," he answered.
"And what are you going to do?"
"I have some family business to take care of."
I didn't like the sound of that at all.
"Family business with EJ?"
Tony shook his head, refusing to explain as he went to a nearby bar and poured himself a glass of sherry.
"The less you know, the better off you are. Bart, please escort my wife to our bedroom."
"No!" I cried out, shrugging away from Bart. "Wait a minute! You mean you're going to spend our wedding night plotting out revenge against EJ?"
Tony shrugged coldly.
"Consider it my wedding gift to you," he answered. "Little Elvis will never be a problem for us again."
The murderous tone in Tony's voice truly frightened me. I had never seen him appear so brutal and ruthless before...looking for all the world like a shark about to strike out at his victim. I felt as if I no longer knew him.
I left Bart's side, going over to Tony, trying to reach him somehow...
"Please, Tony, why don't we just let the police handle it and...?"
"Oh, don't be ridiculous, Leigh!" Tony barked, turning to face me. "You know the police are utterly useless in this situation. Don't you understand? The DiMeras are at war! And this time, little Elvis has gone too far!"
"So what?" I asked hysterically. "So you're going to kill him? So you're going to actually become the villain that everyone says you are?"
"I am not doing it to be evil, Leigh. It is a matter of survival! Your survival...and our child's!"
"There's got to be another way..."
"THIS IS NOT A GAME, LEIGH!!!" Tony yelled at me. "When EJ planted that bomb, he signed his death sentence! There is no room for compromise here. It is a fight to the finish. That is what Father taught Elvis...and it's the only thing that he understands."
"Don't you see that by killing EJ, you are becoming just like him? And just like Stefano! You are becoming like the very men that you hate! The men who tortured you and brainwashed you for all of those years..."
"With all due respect, my dear, you haven't a clue of what you're talking about."
"The hell I don't!"
"Bart, please take her to her room."
Bart, becoming very frustrated, grabbed me by the arm.
"Come on, Mrs. D," Bart coaxed. "Maybe the Boss will chill out in the morning. Come on now. Little Baby D needs sleep too."
"Yes, darling."
Tony came up to me and kissed me on the cheek.
"You and the baby need your rest. And don't wait up for me."
"Why would I wait up for you?" I snapped churlishly. "It's only our wedding night!"
But I might as well have been talking to a stone wall!
Seeing that Tony had made up his mind to be an idiot, I shrugged away from Bart once more, turned and stormed towards the Master Bedroom.
"Bart..." I heard Tony say behind me. "We must set up a meeting for the morning with the usual suspects..."
Seething with frustration and anger, I ripped off what was left of my wedding gown, not even bothering with the buttons. It wasn't as if the dress could be salvaged after the bomb's damage anyhow.
I hadn't been sure how this night would going to turn out after all that had happened. Realistically, I didn't expect a romantic evening, but I didn't expect my husband to turn all gangster on me either! This was so unfair. I was supposed to be having delicious sex with my husband. I was supposed to be jetting off to Venice for my honeymoon. I was not supposed to be trapped up here like a useless trophy wife while my husband was downstairs, plotting EJ's demise.
With no small amount of depression, I put on the pretty lacy blue nightgown I had purchased just for tonight. It had been so perfect, just setting off my increasingly curvy body. The negligee made me look sexy without seeming too pregnant. Earlier this morning, I had laid it across the bed in eager anticipation for this night. Many times throughout the reception, I had thought of how I would look in it. And more importantly, how Tony would look at me as I was wearing it.
So much for my happy ending...
Lying upon the bed and staring out in the darkness, sleep was impossible. Every time I closed my eyes, I saw Tony's cold hatred or Jennifer's unconscious body or Jack's agonized grief. And I cursed out EJ repeatedly as I tossed and turned.
Perhaps I should not be so judgmental of Tony because I yearned to kill EJ myself. How dare that insolent jerk destroy my wedding day? When would he leave me in peace? When would he stop trying to kill me...as if he were trying to exterminate me like a bug? Could I help it if I was a DiMera?
And I could not bear seeing Tony go down the dark path that he was taking. At last, I had truly seen the dark side of him that belonged to Stefano. I felt as if we were on a wild rollercoaster ride and we couldn't get off. More of the DiMera Curse...
Rising from the bed, I began to pace. I wished Tony were with me. Even if he were angry and arguing with me, even if he was cold and insufferable...
I just hated this barrier between us. And if Tony followed through with this madness, it would only get worse.
Cracking open the bedroom door, I peeked out in the darkness of the hallway. I strained to see if I could hear Tony and Bart talking. But I heard nothing. And yet...
In the corner of my eye, I saw a light coming from one of the nearby guest rooms in the hallway. Was Tony planning on sleeping there tonight instead of with me? Had he really grown that distant from me in a matter of hours?
Furiously, I stalked over to the room and flung open the door.
And then I gasped in shock...for I knew this room.
It was Renee's room!
The room that haunted my dreams.
I entered the room slowly as if I were sleepwalking. Scared, yet fascinated as well...
Stefano and Tony must have left this room untouched over the years. There was the bed where she had made love to Tony. There was the dressing room table where she had primped in the mirror while lustily drinking from a champagne glass. And there alongside of the bed must have been where her body had lain that night after her murder.
The thought chilled me, causing me to shiver with cold.
But what really freaked me out was the sight of my wedding bouquet lying upon the bed. The mystery bouquet consisting of daisies and myrtle and fennel and silver dollars and fern...and white roses...
Lying beneath the bouquet upon the bed was a bound brown leather album.
Carefully, I sat upon Renee's bed, feeling as if I were in a sacred place. And I opened the album, sure that Renee somehow wanted me to explore this latest mystery.
To my surprise, there was only a handwritten letter inside, framed within the pages.
Hands shaking, I began to read it.
--------------------------------
Dear Stefano,
There comes a time in every life when the meaning of that life becomes clear. I've been waiting for so long to find it. And I have recently. My life had very little purpose, very little focus, until I came to the realization that I could not exist alone. No one can exist alone. I've been put on this earth with eyes to see and ears to hear and lips to tell, with a heart to feel and a soul to enjoy. And I must drink in life until I can drink no more.
Stefano, I now realize that I must first of all trust as I trusted when I was a babe, trusting no one but my mother and father. Having faith that I would be nurtured by you and I saw that while I am indeed an individual, I did not create myself. I was given first to two people. People who would always be a part of my life. No matter how many miles separate us or how many emotions separate us, we are parts of each other. Life supports of each other. And we must each understand that family is the strongest bond of all. A tie that can never be broken. A tie that holds duties and responsibilities as well as privileges. I have exercised the privileges too long and I must now acknowledge my duties and responsibilities and savor them for they are what make life worth living.
We've been apart too long. My wish is that this sad state should end. And we will be family once again.
I need you, Stefano. I need you, Father.
All that matters are the ties of blood and family. I am your family and you are mine.
Your loving son, Tony
--------------------------------
As I finished the letter, my cheeks were streaked with tears. Just when I thought that I had no more tears to cry...
The emotion was so palpable in this letter that I could feel it intensely. No wonder that Stefano and Tony seemed bound together, no matter how murderous or dysfunctional the circumstances. Tony would never be free of his father, whether they were related by blood or no. He could never be free of his DiMera heritage...any more than I could be free of my own.
I am very proud to be a DiMera...
The words echoed in my mind over and over. Renee's words from some distant place in the past...
And I had my answer.
Placing the letter reverently back on Renee's bed, I left her room and returned to the Master Bedroom.
I would no longer be afraid and ashamed to be a DiMera.
I made this promise not just for myself, but for Tony and our child.
I would embrace being a DiMera...from now on.
First, I would have to find a way to manage my unmanageable husband.
And then I would need to take the next step...to face Stefano...the Phoenix himself.
And I would not be afraid.
A DiMera is never afraid...