'Buzz.' Even with my head under my pillow I could head my phone buzz on the night stand. I grabbed my phone and blinked at the bright screen. Mom: 'Hi sweetie. What time are you going to be home today? Coach wants to talk to you. I love you Blainey. See you soon.' I shot her a text that our train left at 9 and checked the time. It was almost 7; not enough it to go back to sleep. I groaned and kicked the mound of blankets off me. I dressed in jeans and an old baseball shirt. I dug out a pair of clean socks and my boots and pulled them on. I turned on my music and sang along as I packed up my stuff. I locked my guitar case and jiggled the latches to make sure. I zipped up my duffle and took one last look around the room. I had folded all the blankets in a pile on the bed. The room looked just like it did when I arrived but now it felt like a home to me. I sighed and grabbed my ball cap off the headboard and shut the door tightly behind me.
I dropped my bags at the foot of the stairs and followed the smell of coffee and pancakes into the kitchen. Kurt and his dad sat looking at newspapers and Carole was flipping pancakes at the stove. "G'mornin' everybody." I said standing on my tip toes to grab a mug from the cabinet. They all mumbled good mornings. I sat down at the table just as Finn stumbled into the kitchen wrapped in a blanket. He flopped into the chair next to me and mumbled something I couldn't understand. Carole set down a mound of pancakes and Finn grabbed at them. I sat quietly picking at my breakfast. They all chatted amongst each other. I would miss all of them so much. How kind and welcoming Carole was to me. Burt's unconditional love for his son and how much he accepted me also. Even Finn's constant eating and griping. In the past weeks these people have become my family.
"Let's go Kurt! Train leaves in an hour!" I shouted from the bottom of the stairs. "I'm coming Blaine!" he yelled from the second floor. Kurt walked quickly down the stairs and I followed him outside. Everybody was standing on the porch waiting for us. Burt pulled Kurt and me into a big bear hug and Carole and Finn wrapped around us. The love I felt in that moment was the warmest feeling I've ever felt. We all let go and just kinda looked at each other. "I'm gonna miss you so much bud." Burt said to Kurt. Kurt nodded holding back tears. We said our goodbyes and piled our stuff into the back of Kurt's tiny car.
Kurt pulled out of the drive way, tears spilling out his eyes. I leaned over end kissed away the tears rolling down his cheeks. I grasped his hand and kissed the back of it. "You're gonna be alright babe. Its summer we can do anything we want. Day trips to the mall in Effingham, we could camp out every night if we wanted to. I'm going to take you swimming at the lake and ridding again. You won't have time to be home sick." I reassured. Kurt turned into the train station parking lot and grabbed his bags out of the back without saying a word. I grabbed my stuff and ran after him.
We boarded the train and sat in an empty dining car again. Kurt sat silently across from me looking out the window. "Kurt look at me." I said reaching for his hand across the table. He took it but refused to look me in the eye. "Please Kurt." I whispered. Kurt looked up at me. His eyes were a different kind of sad. No more tear fell but there was such sorrow in them that it broke my heart. "Will you tell me what's wrong?" I pushed. "I'm just nervous is all." he huffed. "Why are you nervous babe?" I asked squeezing his hand. "That we're going to fall apart." He choked out. I was shocked; the last thing I thought about was breaking up with Kurt. "Oh Kurt, if either of us should be worried about that if should be me. You deserve a boyfriend who's not a coward. One you should be able to walk hand in hand with on the streets but you can't with me because I'm too much of a baby to come out to my parents." I said fighting back tears. "Blaine you are the bravest person I've ever met. I don't care that you aren't out. All I care about is that we care about each other." he insisted. "Well I care about you to the moon and back." I smiled. We sat next to each other most of the way home sleeping or just talking.
We climbed off the train and collected our bags from the storage compartment and walked out of the station. It was sunny and warm out and the sky was still the country blue I remembered. We strode across the lot where my old pick had been sitting for two weeks. I unlatched the tailgate and smiled as it made the same creaking sound as before. I tossed our stuff in the back and dug in my pocket for my keys. I pulled out the chain and unlock the door. The inside smelled like baseball leather and my air freshener. I zipped out of the parking lot with my windows down and country music blast from my radio.
"A lot of people called it prison when I was growin' up, but these are my roots and this is what I love.'Cause everybody knows me and I know them and I believe that's the way we we're supposed to live.
I wouldn't trade one single day in small town USA." We flew down the road that led us into town. I smile grew on my face when I saw the old wooden sign that said 'Welcome to Newton! Catch the spirit!' "Oh gosh I missed this so much!" I exclaimed. Kurt's musical laugher rang through the radio static. "Calm down Blaine! We were only gone for two weeks." Kurt grinned. "I've gotta stop by Coach's house. Mama said he wants to talk to me." I said turning into a neighborhood and stopping outside a tiny house. "I should be just a few minutes if you wanna stay out here?" I said climbing out of the truck. I jumped up the steps and knocked on the door.
"Come on in Blaine." Coach said walking me into the kitchen. I sat down across from Coach and just looked at him. "How's your summer been Blaine?" he asked. "It was good thank you." I said politely. "Good, good. I have an offer for you Blaine. I want you to coach a little league team this summer." Coach said. "Yes, yes I'd love to!" I grinned. "One more thing, I got a call from the University of Illinois baseball coach. They want you to come to their pitcher's camp this summer." "R-r-really? Me?" I said shocked. "Yup it's a weeklong camp. You'll stay on campus with another player and pitch in a game at the end of the week." He said pushing a flyer across the table. I opened it and my heart shattered. "I-I-Its $400 Coach; I can't do that, I'm sorry." I sighed pushing the paper back to him. "Don't worry about it. You coach the 11U team I use the money I would have paid you with to send you to this camp." Coach grinned. "Seriously sir?" I asked shocked. "Blaine you are talented. If you had the right trainin' you could play college baseball. I'm not just runnin' my mouth here!" Coach said seriously. "I don't know what to say Coach." I sighed. "How about you talk to your parents about this and let me know in a few days, alright?" Coach said getting up. "Yes sir. I wanna thank you so much for having this much faith in me and for this opportunity." I said following him to the front door. "You can do it Blaine, just let me know soon." He said shutting the door behind me.
I spirited out the truck and smacked the passenger window. Kurt jumped and dropped his phone. I ran around to the driver's side and jumped in. "Damn it Blaine you scared the shit out of me." Kurt said hitting me on the shoulder. "Sorry babe." I said kissing his hair. "Why are you so giddy?" Kurt said. "Can't tell you yet." I said turning down the road to the farm. Kurt groaned and rested his head on the seat.
I park near the porch and grabbed our stuff out of the back. I pushed open the door and tossed my bags on the couch. Kurt set his stuff next to mine and gave me a long look. "I'm home!" I shouted walking into the kitchen. I ran over to my mom and wrapped her in a tight hug. "I've missed you so much Ma." I whispered. I could feel her tears dripping on my neck. I pulled away and smiled at her. "You're never allowed to leave this house ever again Blaine you can live here your whole life, just don't ever be away that long again." My mom laughed. I just smiled. "Come here Kurt." my mom said pulling Kurt in a hug too. He walked over and let my mom hug him. She let him go and wiped her eyes on the hem of her apron. "Okay no more tears. Let's eat." Mom said through a teary smile.
We all sat around the dining room table laughing and talking about our trip. My dad was yet to say anything to me since I got back. I waited for a lull in the conversation to share my news. "Um I have an announcement." I butted in. Everybody quieted down and stared at me. "On our way home I stopped and talked to Coach for a bit. He told me that I've been asked to attend the University of Illinois's pitcher's camp at the beginning of August." I said with a broad smile on my face. My mom and Kurt babbled congratulation but my dad didn't react. "How much is this going to cost Blaine." he quipped. "The camp is $400 but Coach made me a deal. If I coach the 11U baseball team that he would use the money I would have earned to send me to this camp." I explained. My dad just sat there and picked at his salad. "Can I do it dad?" I asked. He set his fork down and looked straight at me. "Why do you want to do this Blaine?" he asked. "It's such a blessing have this opportunity dad. Coach thinks that if I work hard enough I could make a college team. It could mean job opportunities, a better college education if I could earn scholarships. God has given me this chance and it would be a waste to throw away this opportunity." I said getting worked up. "Just the answer I wanted. You can go to this camp Blaine." my dad smiled. "Thank you so much dad." I grinned. "You're welcome B." he nodded. ""Um mom could we camp out tonight?" I asked. "I guess that's fine. Go get your stuff." she smiled. Kurt and I dashed up the stairs and grabbed our stuff.
I laid out my mound of blankets and tossed the pillows in the bed where my guitar was already sitting. I helped Kurt into the truck. I slammed the tailgate and climbed over the edge. I grabbed a pillow and rested against the edge of the truck with Kurt across from me. "I've missed this so much." I sighed. "Me too, I'm so proud of you Blaine. The U of I is a great college." Kurt smiled. "Not to be cheesy but I have a song for you." I blushed. I pulled my pick out of my sock and grabbed my guitar. "I remember tryin' not to stare the night that I first met you. You had me mesmerized and three weeks later in the front porch light takin' 45 minutes to kiss goodnight. I hadn't told you yet I thought I loved you then. Now you're my whole life, now you're my whole world. I just can't believe the way I feel about you Kurt. Like a river meets the sea; stronger than it's ever been. We've come so far since that day and I thought I loved you then."
I let the last chord ring out as I started to breathe again. "That wa-" "Don't say anything yet Kurt. The first time I saw you all I could think was wow. But them you let me in. You spilled your secrets to me and I was amazed by you. Your story inspires me so much and continues to more every day. I thought I loved you when you when you showed me how to be myself. I thought I loved you when you told me about your cutting and I thought I loved you when we were cuddling on the back porch the night it was raining. But I was wrong, I've loved you since the first moment I saw you. The love I have for you grows with everything you do. How you spend forever on your hair. How you roll your eyes when I wear t-shirts every day. How you have the most compassionate heart of anybody I have ever known. How you have so much more faith in me than I do in myself. I love you for all those reasons and more. I love you Kurt, so so much." I said choking back tears. Kurt just there looked at me. I could feel my hands shaking and my breathing was uneven. "P-please say something Kurt." I said in a horse whisper.
Kurt scooched forward till his knees were touching mine. He grabbed both my hands and rubbed the back of them. I took a deep breath and could feel my lungs raddled. Kurt lifted my hand and placed a kiss on the back. "One for the first time I saw you." He kissed my wrist. "One for our first campout." Forearm. "One for you coming out to me." Upper arm. "One for our first kiss." Edge of my neck. "Our trip to Chicago." Adams apple. "Getting into U of I camp." Cheek. "And for your first I love yous." he kissed me tenderly on the lips and I cupped his face with my hands. Kurt pulled away sat on my lap. I wrapped my arm around his waist and let him rest his head on my shoulder. "So you love me?" I said. "You have no idea how much I love you honey." Kurt said nuzzling his face into my shoulder. "I've waited so long to tell you this Kurt." I said burying my face in his shoulder. Kurt warm breath tickled my neck. I could feel his breathing slow down and his head feel forward onto my chest.
Once he was asleep I grabbed his hand and held it. The sleeve of his hoodie was pushed up slightly. I pulled his arm closer to me and pushed up his sleeve. I gasped a little when I made out the pale scars running across this wrist. I ran my fingers over the raised lines and squeezed my eyes shut. I pushed his sleeve back down and let the hot tears roll down my cheeks and stain my t-shirt. I why couldn't I have been there? I could have done something or helped him. Rolled up my sleeve and stared at my own wrist. I couldn't image being in such a place of darkness that I would do that. I pulled him in tighter and rubbed his back. I'm never going to let him do that again. I'm making that promise to myself now. As long as I live I'm going to keep him happy so Kurt never does this again. I rested my head on his and inhaled the smell of his shampoo.
Author's Note: I'm baaacckkk. I'm done with school for the year and I have the next like 3 months to be a lazy bum! I hope you liked that chapter; I wanna do something different than what I usually do when Blaine goes to the camp. I don't really know yet…. Well review please; it motivates me so much to know somebody is reading this other than me when I proofread. I love you guys so much!