"Nothing fixes a thing so intensely in the memory as the wish to forget it."
-Montaigne

For a long while, everyone questioned Sakura's mental health.

The morning after Riko left, she was quiet, barely talking. In the weeks that followed, she was a mere shell of her former shelf. The light in her eyes had disappeared, the corners of her mouth constantly tilted down; her physical health wasn't much better. Sakura's weight had decreased and she became weak, barely keeping up with her two male teammates, who were steadily improving their own skills. After the reports of a few C-rank missions, it was made clear to the Hokage that something was seriously wrong. She called to young girl to a private meeting.

"You need to become healthier and take care of yourself, or I will be pulling you off of Team 7," she'd said. Sakura had said nothing, not even protesting to the threat, or attempting to reassure Tsunade that everything was okay; there was no need to worry. She'd stared at the older woman momentarily, stood up, and then walked out. She knew, as she shuffled home, that she should probably care. But she didn't. Sakura was not concerned that she didn't care about anything.

There was nothing left to fight for; all of the dreams she had once dreamt had been forcibly shattered by the final page in one book. Not only had her visions of the future been permanently changed, but there was also the presence that shook her, especially at night. When she was out during team training, or visiting Ino, she barely noticed. At those moments, it was like a little itch in the back of her mind that could be easily ignored, eventually forgotten. It was time when she was completely alone that it manifested from that small tickle in her conscious to a hard chill in her bones. Every night when she walked over the threshold into her apartment, it was as if she had stepped into the haunted house by herself at the amusement park, knowing that something was watching. At first she managed to ignore whatever it was. But when she started feeling things, think dangerous thoughts, Sakura knew that this was not ghost or angry spirit. This was much deeper. It wasn't as if she had no idea what was going on—Sakura was fully aware. No one could say that she didn't try, though, to take back control of her own body that one night when she was too weak to fight. It was like being a prisoner on her own body: she could see, hear, and feel everything, but she had no say in what happened. Sakura was trapped. One of the things she would never forget that day was the look on Naruto's and Sasuke's face when they walked into the living room to see her holding a gun to her temple. Had it not been for Sasuke's incredible speed, her perfectly white walls would have had a new decoration, forever stained.

In any case, the demonic presence was gone. It was also that day when the two boys decided to take matters into their own hands. Every morning, five A.M, Naruto would go to her apartment, wake her up, give her a light breakfast, and take her off to morning training. Their routine consisted of ten laps around the village walls, then further work with stamina and strength. Later in the morning the rest of the team would arrive, and then team training would begin. Around 1 the boys would take Sakura to lunch, choosing a place with plenty of meat, fruit, and carbs to put weight on her stick figure. Then, Naruto would part, leaving the rest of the afternoon and early evening for Sasuke to train Sakura, using his own methods. He worked with her on Taijutsu, speed, stealth, ninjutsu, and basically everything Naruto seemed to lack. He had been tough from day one, constantly pushing her to the limit, until she felt as if she physically couldn't move. At six every night, he would walk her home, make sure she ate, then leave, but not before talking to her for a short while. Under the boys' orders, Sakura was in bed by eight for a healthy nine hours; every night she took a pill containing the hormone of melatonin to put her into a restful sleep. Then she would wake up, and the daily routine would start all over again.

To make sure that her nights were undisturbed, Naruto and Sasuke found and hired a well-known priest to bless Sakura's apartment while she was training one morning; Sasuke was there to make sure that the man did not harm Sakura's old friend Benny, whom later gave Sasuke a sign to indicate he was still there.

By the time July rolled around, their female teammate had, physically, fully recovered, though she was still slightly underweight. Emotionally and mentally, though, was a different story. She still seemed to be empty of passion and life. Whenever someone was talking to her, she always seemed to lose focus on the conversation, her mind going elsewhere. She was less social, politely refusing Ino's offers to visit the flower shop one afternoon. Sakura no longer had the energy to fake a smile or put on a mask to fool the people around her. For all Naruto and Sasuke knew, she was upset. Unfortunately, it was much worse than that—there was so much more she felt she had to hide. She could never tell them about the nightmares she had every week; she feared going to sleep, feared the new vision she would see of her death, of how her life would end. It was always different: painful, quickly, slowly, every once and a while peacefully. But then came the feeling of helplessness, because what could she do? She was going to die young, and nothing could be done.

However, there was one moment every day, that it was okay. That one small minute when she was tuck in oblivion; her death wasn't creping upon her, there was nothing to struggle for, no faces of worry, no questions of if she was feeling better. It was when she woke up every morning, the rays of the rising sun lightly hitting her face, the lovely silence. it only lasted a minute, one glorious minute.

And then it was over, and she remembered.

It was a cold morning when Sakura woke up, for the first time in a while, in an empty apartment. She found this strange: there was no mop of blonde hair, no loud boisterous noises, no one encouraging her to start her day, saying it would be better than before. For a slight moment she wondered about that. And then she didn't, and just got up. She noticed that she had woken up at the same time she had been these past few months, all on her own. Quietly, she moved towards the bathroom, having the sudden urge to take a quick hot shower. As she began to get stuff ready, she noticed that her favorite shampoo was missing—the pink-bottled one, that was scented with a mix of raspberry and vanilla. Instead, there was the basic formula that was found in most drug stores. A little bothered, she went ahead with the change in routine. The hot water and rising steam was almost relaxing, soothing aching muscles from the previous day's vigorous training.

It wasn't long until Sakura was out of the bathroom, hair dripping around her shoulders. She continued to towel-dry it as she made her way to the kitchen. She stopped, however, when she noticed that her apartment was no longer empty. To her surprise, he stood there over her stove, getting ready to start cooking—some form of eggs, from the carton on the counter. "What are you doing here?" Sakura questioned, still staring at him.

Sasuke ignored her as he cracked eggs over a small bowl, mixing milk in with them before pouring them onto the skillet. As he watched the eggs fry, he side-glanced her.

"Naruto got called to the Hokage early this morning," he stated. "Something involving Jiryiah." Sakura seemed to accept that answer, for she just walked forward and sat down at the small table. "Scrambled or sunny-side up?" he asked monotonously. Sakura thought for a moment, asking for the first option. "Good because that's what you'd get anyway." Sakura gave a little laugh, remembering an old mission. Kakashi had been gone, and Sasuke had been the first one to get up at the small inn they had stayed at on the way back. She and Naruto discovered that week that Sasuke knew very little cooking. She sighed lightly, looking out the window. As her mind started shifting gears, she suddenly thought of something.

"Sasuke, do you know what happens next week?" she asked, something bubbling up inside her; it felt weird. By the look on his face, Sasuke knew what she was talking about. "So what do you want for your birthday?"

Ah, yes. Sakura was now positive that he was cringing at the thought of his birthday. He placed a plate of eggs in front of her with a glass of orange juice, half glaring at her. "We are not celebrating my birthday, Sakura." The corners of Sakura's mouth turned up slightly as she thought of how Naruto would get around that.

Light conversation ensued for the rest of the hour until Naruto burst through the door, giving Sakura a bear hug, and shouting that they were finally going on a mission outside of the village. Somehow, Naruto already had the scroll containing the mission details. They were to deliver an artifact to an ally nation in the Land of Waves, having two weeks to do so. They were to leave in two hours.

Not long after the announcement Sasuke had left to pack the things needed for the mission. Naruto, having already packed, stayed to help Sakura. "This is awesome! We get to go on a real mission! Isn't this great, Sakura?" He turned toward her, a goofy grin on his face. Nodding absent-mindedly, Sakura continued assembling her mission pack. "It's been so long since we've been outside the village walls. I'm so excited!"

It really had been a while, too. Though it was left unsaid, it was clear to the entire team that the main reason they were finally permitted to take on challenging missions was due to the fact that Sakura's physical health had improved; Tsunade must have decided that the girl was able to handle such tasks now. Looking into the small pack, Sakura mentally checked off of a list the things she had and needed. There were her weapons—kunai, shuriken, senbon—a few explosives, scrolls, basic healing ointments; there was an extra set of cloths, a hair tie, and travel-sized toothpaste. It was a simple delivery mission—granted, it was in another country, and the scroll was for a feudal lord—so there was little chance they'd run into any ninja above Jounin if they were careful enough. However, Sakura was well aware of how simple missions could easily turn into A-ranked missions; she wasn't taking any chances.

Once finished, she noticed Naruto giving her a strange look, no longer hyper and excited. "Will you be alright, Sakura?"

The girl was taken by how serious and concerned he was. She placed her pack over her shoulders, staring him straight into the eye. "You and Sasuke have helped me so much these past few months. Not only with the training and keeping me healthy, but even just being there for me has meant so much." She walked over, hugging him lightly. "Thank you so much, Naruto." When she pulled back, Naruto had the same goofy grin on his face, a new light in his eyes. With his pack on as well, he grabbed her hand and pulled her out of the house and down the street, yelling about how "this would be the best mission ever!"

Sakura could only smile in response.

A week later, Sakura wondered why it was all going so smoothly. Even their D-ranked missions were never this simple; and this was C-ranked. So far, they had encountered no enemy or rouge ninja. The skies had even cleared for the entire time they were traveling to deliver the scroll.

Sakura's stomach twisted out of the tight knots it had been in since they had departed from the village gates. At first, she had believed she couldn't handle the mission after being inactive for so long. At that point, Sakura was sure that she was going to be fine. I can do this, she thought with a growing smile, hope building in her heart.

Looking ahead of her, Sakura gazed at her teammates—her boys. As per usual, they were bickering on something as pointless as the weather. While Naruto had his fingers interlocked behind his head, laughing with obvious mirth, Sasuke gave a half-hearted glare back, his mouth set into an irritated frown. She didn't know when, or how, but one day, Sakura knew that she was going to give back to those two as much as they had given her in her worst time. Unconditionally, she loved them both with her whole heart.

"Guys, I'm hungry!"

Sasuke snorted, rolling his eyes. Sakura came up to them; they were coming up to a small town for travelers—there should be a restaurant that met the likes of all three of them. Soon enough, they came upon a grille and decided to venture in; they were quickly seated in a small corner booth. The inside of the restaurant was set up to give the impression that every table could have a sense of privacy; there were several translucent walls everywhere between tables with dim lighting. The walls were covered in a soft material that absorbed the sound of conversation, leaving the room quieter than what one would expect walking in.

Before long the group of three was enjoying their meals, conversing lightly about trivial matters—it was silently agreed to not speak of mission details in places where an enemy could lurk.

It was during a debate between Naruto and Sakura when Sasuke suddenly tensed, almost unnoticed. As fast as it happened, he relaxed again, but his mind was no longer on the conversation next to him. Instead, the Uchiha concentrated on the chakra signature at the booth across the room, trying to prove to himself that it wasn't who he thought it was. But of course, he was wrong. She was here—but why? He sneaked a glance at his teammate—did Sakura notice? By the way she looked at Naruto, her brows raised at something he said, Sasuke guessed that she didn't. Sasuke's mind ran at a mile a minute, thinking of what to say to get his teammates out of the restaurant; he didn't want another run-in with her. Unbidden memories of the last encounter flashed through his mind, along with an echo of the horror he felt at seeing one of his precious people lying at the bottom of a cliff, of feeling for her pulse and finding nothing. Stealing a glance, Sasuke checked to make sure she hadn't noticed them; as he turned back towards his friends, an excuse to leave ready on his lips, he finally noticed that they had stopped talking minutes ago. While Naruto simply looked inquiring, Sakura's down-turned mouth told him that she was also well-aware of who was in the vicinity.

It was hard to forget the chakra signature of the person who once killed you.

"I'll be back." And before either of them could stop her, Sakura stood, heading over to the other side of the restaurant, straight towards the exact person Sasuke wanted her to stay away from!

Standing, Sakura waited for the older woman to look up. When she did, Sakura braced herself for an attack, a shout of hateful words that made no sense, a glare, even—

—she received a blank look. After a moment, the eyes focused, a cold stare cut into Sakura's heart, the chill spreading, momentarily numbing her mind. "I want to talk to you," she said quietly.

Eyes narrowed. "Go away." Sakura gathered whatever courage she had left and sat down in the seat across from the not-so-strange stranger.

"Over a year ago, you tried to kill me." She paused. "I don't know you, but you know me. And you hate me, and I don't know why." Sakura watched the 30-something woman carefully, waiting for a repeat of the previous time they met. When she reminded Sakura that she would gladly take the opportunity to kill her again, Sakura nearly cringed. "Not now, you wouldn't. We're in a public place, not only with shinobi that may be stronger than you, but with plenty of witnesses. You would be imprisoned on the spot. You won't try anything." Although Sakura couldn't be too sure of that herself.

The stranger eyed Sakura's teammates—sitting at their own booth, ready to jump in at the first sign of danger. She looked back at the girl—the child—sitting in front of her, demanding an explanation. Well, fine. "I hate you. I hate your face, who you are, and I hate the fact that you are even alive. You should be dead—you should have died over eleven years ago. Yes, child, I know all about that surgery you went through—you were having severe heart conditions, life-threatening, even. I know all about you. You were rushed to the hospital when you were three or so—I remember when they brought you in. Obviously you were sick, and you were sure going to die." She stopped, taking a breath. Now, she thought, she would explain to this undeserving child what has brought on this hatred she harbors. In the strange light, she thought the girl in front of her looked hard, due to the shadows that were cast over her sharp bone structure—she almost forgot that this girl was still a little girl. "That very same day, my daughter—my baby—was in the hospital as well. She had been having trouble breathing the past week, which just happened to be due to the fact that she had accidentally swallowed one of her toys—unfortunately, it happens. The doctors told me that she would be in and out quickly, not to worry. And then you came. You, with your health problems, with your brother that was screaming at the surgeons to save you or else, with your mother that everyone loved. Of course you had the sympathy card, having lived in Konoha your whole short life, when we had just moved in not even a month ago. During your surgery, something had gone terribly wrong—at the same time that my baby's surgery was undergoing similar complications." Her eyes turned glassy, still showing her anger and dark emotions. "Sometimes, it seems, god can only save so many children. And he chose you over Jane. He chose a girl whose medical conditions would end her life in only a matter of years over my child, who would love much longer, do much greater things—he chose you to live." Those hateful eyes stared straight into Sakura's, revealing all of the hurt and suffering. "So yes, I hate you. You cheated death once, and now you're back because you've done it again. Why you?"

Sakura sat back, her spine erect, mind numb from the harsh tale. She understood now. In a twisted way, Sakura's life was chosen over someone else's, whether intentional or not, and this woman in front of her was pissed and hurt, because she lost her daughter—her healthy daughter who had promise—to a sick child. By killing Sakura before, it would have been like revenge for stealing the chances of someone else.

"What do you want me to say?" she whispered, looking down at the grooves in the wooden table. "That I'm sorry? I mean, I am, but . . . to say I'm sorry would mean that I would reverse what's happened and try to make up for it. And I don't know how to do that. I know a lot of things, but I don't know how to ease the pain of death and loss—if I did, I could make a lot of people I know much happier," she mumbled, thinking of her boys. "Anything I say to you will not make you hate me les—I know that already. But, I'll say this: I'm going to keep living. I don't want to die. And I have no control over that—no one does, I don't think. Killing me, though, it won't bring her back. All it will do is get a lot of shinobi angry with you." Sakura stood. "So, I'm sorry that she isn't here. But I'm not sorry that I didn't die, because then that would be a lie, and you don't deserve fake words."

She left before anything else could have been said to her.

It took a moment before Naruto and Sasuke came after her, having paid the bill while she was listening to the woman—after all this, she never learned her name. . .

"Sakura, wait up!" Naruto ran in front of her, stopping her from going anywhere; the three of them now stood off to the side of the crowded street. "What happened—what did she say to you, are you alright, did she—?"

Sakura shook her head, quieting him down a moment so she could answer one of his many questions. By this time Sasuke was standing beside Naruto, hands in his pockets, face deceptively blank. "There isn't much to say—it's not my story to tell, either ("But Sakura!"); but she blames me for something that happened—I think she'll always hate me for it, even though it wasn't my fault." The boys watched as her eyes became downcast, a tinge of guilt hidden in them. Naruto came forward and placed a hand on her shoulder.

"Hey, whatever it is, just forget about it, okay? If it wasn't your fault, then it doesn't matter anymore, right?" Sakura shrugged. The blonde's face turned serious then, his eyes stern. "She doesn't even know you. She doesn't know that you're a great person, or that you have people that love you—so don't worry about it anymore."

They stood there for a moment before Sasuke grunted. "The dobe's right."

Sakura rolled her eyes at his brilliance with words. This was why she loved them, she realized again. Taking their hands (with Naruto grinning and Sasuke complaining) she pulled them forward. "I think we have a mission to accomplish, you guys. If we finish early, I'm treating us to dinner or something like that!"

With that promise, Naruto cheering and Sasuke smirking, they marched forward, unaware of the great change about to take place in all of their lives.

Over the past two months, I've lost a lot of passion for the arts all together. I wanted to stop playing the string bass in orchestra, I was sick of singing, most books bored me to death, I didn't care for my photography, and I had given up on writing. I'm not sure why this has happened, but reading back over this chapter really made me want to post it and get back into what I love. Even if a little slowly.

For an update, I have nine classes this year in school. I am working (finally). I am involved in the musical (Wizard of Oz). Our choir concert is this week (we get to sing "The Ballad Of Sweeney Todd"). And I turn 17 Friday.

Review, if you wish.