Chapter 26
(A.N: Alright, it's been nearly two weeks since I last updated, and it's taken me a couple of days to finish this chapter, so I thought I'd give you an update now...Even though, I passed out tonight while writing some of this, and woke up – laptop still turned on, and resting on my stomach... XD That happens a lot. Anyways, enough rambling. 'These are thoughts.' TT means time passing, or scene changes. You guys know the drill. R&R? I'd appreciate it!)
TT
He awoke to the sound of beeping.
There was a sharp pain in one of his arms...And a dulled pain in both of his arms. There was light all around him – coming in through the windows, and shining down on him from the ceiling...
Even though he kept his eyes closed, he could tell that there was a brightness, all around him.
'Did I die...?' The thought coursed through him in a heavy haze...And he heard the beeping increase slightly.
'What's that...?' He fought against his eyelids, wanting them open. But they stayed sealed...So he tried opening his mouth instead. A groggy groan escaped his lips, and it took him a few minutes to realize that he'd made the sound.
"Fai?"
He realized that someone was holding his hand...It wasn't much bigger than that of his own...It wasn't feverishly hot, either...But the voice that called out to him was familiar...
"...Raiko?"
He heard the male sniffle, which registered in some deep part of his brain. Was he crying?
"You're awake...You're such an ass..." Raiko chuckled, using his free hand to wipe at his eyes.
"...What happened?" He was still trying to make himself understand. He was so tired...And lost...
Fingers brushed his bangs away from his face,
"Shooter and I," Raiko spoke the name quietly – he didn't want the staff to hear the nickname,
"We rode over to your apartment, on my motorcycle. When we got there, you were unconscious...But you woke up a little bit when I spoke to you...You scared me, Fai...I thought you were dead..."
"...Where am I?"
"You're in the hospital...We called an ambulance as soon as we got to your apartment..."
The blonde lie in silence for a few moments. He managed to get his eyes open – wincing at the light that shone down on him. Knitting his eyebrows at the ache the lights were causing in his forehead, he turned his attention to Raiko.
The raven stared at him for a moment, before he chuckled, and smoothed out the scowl,
"That reminds me...He's downstairs..."
"...He?" Blue eyes took on the expression of confusion, and Raiko smiled, pulling out the picture. The same one that his Father had stolen from the house. The same one that he'd written the location of the letters on.
The first picture taken on Kurogane's birthday.
It dawned on him then, that Raiko was telling him that Kurogane was downstairs.
"They all are," the raven continued, setting the picture down on the bedside table,
"Chi, Sakura, Syaoran...All of your friends."
"...Sakura's going to kill me..."
Raiko laughed at that, and turned to Shooter,
"Go and tell them that he's finally awake, okay babe? They need to know that he's regained consciousness."
The taller raven nodded silently, and left. Raiko turned his attention back to Fai,
"There's something else that you should know..."
TT
Once Shooter informed the group that Fai had woken up, he could feel their tension shattering. The previous night, they'd been calmer upon hearing that the male was stable...But now, he was awake, and that made them feel much more relaxed.
Kamui put his face in his hands, trying to regulate his breathing. Fuuma was kneeling beside him, rubbing slow circles along his back, comforting him...He'd forgotten how good it felt, to have the taller raven there, to hold him, or comfort him...To have him care...
He missed him.
Shooter pulled out his cell phone when he felt it vibrate. Flipping it open, he read the message, then closed his phone,
"Chi?"
When she acknowledged him, he offered her a smile,
"Room 203. Take Hideki up with you."
TT
Raiko sat with him until his sister arrived. Then the male hustled away, heading downstairs.
Chi sat down in his place, and Hideki stood next to her.
"...I'm mad at you..." She managed to murmur,
"You said you'd never go back to this...And then you pulled a move like that...?"
"I didn't go back to anything, Chi...I was trying to leave – forever. I left notes and everything...I wasn't going back to an old habit...I was ready to die..."
"You can't go, okay?" She took hold of his hand with both of hers, her voice was unsteady,
"You need to stay here, with me. You need to stay here, and be my baby brother. You need to smile, and laugh, and enjoy your life to the fullest...You need to do as many things as you can, while you have the time to do them...You have to...You have to live your life the way you want to live it...Not according to anyone else's rules, or expectations...I need you to stay here...You're all I have left...You're my last bit of family..." She was crying in the end. She'd tried to hold it back, but she hadn't been able to...
"...Chi..." He squeezed her hand – it was the best he could do with his arms in their current conditions and positions.
She tried to regain her composure...But it took time. Fai had been living in a deep pool of misery for so long...And then Kurogane had shown up, and he'd pulled his head above the surface...And then their Father had shown up, and pushed him back down again – drowning him slowly.
And all she could do was watch, uselessly. No matter what she did, or said, no one ever seemed to listen to her. It hurt, knowing that you couldn't fix anything...Even when you tried your hardest...
"Chi...I'm so sorry..."
It was one thing to be so messed up himself...And to let the others see it...But to drag his sister down under as well?
No...He didn't want her to feel this way. He wanted her to be happy...And he'd hauled off and made her cry.
He needed to fix things.
TT
Kamui and Fuuma had been instructed to go up together after Chi and Hideki had returned to the waiting room.
Kamui sat down in the chair next to Fai's bed when he stepped into the blondes room, and Fuuma sat on the edge of the bed itself.
"Hey you two..." He barely managed to get the words out.
Kamui had that look in his eyes again. That lost child look. He didn't seem to know if he should be crying, or completely pissed off...His eyes were glazed over, as if he didn't quite comprehend what was going on.
Fai felt the guilt rushing through him, and turned to look at Fuuma.
It was equally devastating.
Fuuma was smiling – happy to see that his best friend was alright. But his eyes...They showed the relief for Fai; knowing that he was okay, and that he wasn't going to die – at least, not from this – but there was something else there as well...It was a longing. A deep, dark pain that seemed to lurk in Fuuma's head, and in his heart. Especially his heart.
He was missing Kamui.
Missing everything about the male; the good, and the bad. But Fai only noticed because he'd seen how deeply Fuuma had been hurt by Kamui calling off their engagement. Which meant that the odds of Kamui noticing – especially in his current condition...
The thought trailed, and the second wave of guilt crashed in to Fai.
"I'm sorry you guys...For everything..." He said the last part, with his eyes locked on Fuuma's gaze. The taller raven nodded in silence, acknowledging the fact that the blonde felt horrible for what had happened.
"Kamui? Are you okay?" Fai turned his attention to the shorter male – who stared at him blindly. The male blinked. Again...Once more...And some of his focus came back,
"...What?"
"Are you okay?" The blonde questioned gently, feeling terrible for hurting the male so deeply.
"...I don't know...I'm mad at you...But then I'm relieved, because you're alive...And then I'm mad...And then I'm confused..."
"Confused about what?"
"...You asked for us to come up together...Even though you know that we're not..." Kamui trailed off. The pain ripped through him once again. He felt terrible...He'd called off his engagement – his wedding engagement – and then he had the nerve to feel like this? To still be hopelessly in love with Fuuma? It was his own fault...He'd been mad at the male for not stopping Fai from leaving that night...Mad that he hadn't been told about it until it was too late...And then he'd thrown down his ring.
"...Together," Fuuma finished the sentence for him, and Kamui ducked his head, hating himself.
"I think he was hoping that I'd prevent you from sending him into a coma," the taller raven teased, and Kamui smiled slightly. Fai chuckled,
"Yes, I was actually..." It hurt the blonde to see them this way. They were sitting close enough together...But they were really so far away from each other. The only good that had come out of Fai staying away from the group for so long, was the fact that he didn't have to see the hurt in the eyes of two of his best friends nearly as much as the others did.
TT
He hesitated.
He was waiting for him, just beyond this door. In a bed that wasn't his. In a bed that probably wasn't even comfortable. His arms were wrapped up as if he were a damned mummy...
He knew that he didn't have a choice. He would have to go inside sooner or later...And standing in the hallway wasn't getting him anywhere, and it wasn't solving anything.
It was however, making people stare at him in utter confusion.
Sighing, he stepped into the room, and approached the chair, sitting down. He didn't look at him. He stared at his own feet instead. This wasn't solving anything either...But at least he'd made it in to the damn room...
"...Kurogane..." The voice was sad, unstable...Gods how he wanted to stabilize him once again. Anchor him down to this planet and make him understand that people cared about him...
"Ah," he acknowledged the male saying his name, but he didn't raise his head. His eyes grazed over the males bandaged arm, and then he averted his gaze again.
Dammit, he was such a wreck...
"...How long have you...Been here...?" He was referring to when it was that the raven had entered the hospital.
"As soon as they allowed visitors this morning. Been in the waiting room all damn day, waiting for you to wake up. Your buddies came up here to keep an eye on you, when they arrived..." Buddies. A clear reference to Raiko and Shooter. He didn't know them all that well, so he wasn't sure how close the blonde really felt to them these days.
"..." Fai didn't know how to phrase it. It was sitting there, right on the tip of his tongue...But he didn't know how to word it...He swallowed hard,
"...Is what Raiko said true?"
Here the raven looked up to him – met his gaze,
"Depends on what he said."
"...About...About my Dad..."
The smirk on Kurogane's face said it all for him. Fai swallowed hard again,
"But...Why would you...? I mean, he's just going to..." He couldn't even form a full sentence anymore.
"Why? That's easy. I was tired of his bullshit. And no, he won't. I've made it quite clear already that I'm not afraid of his threats, and I'm not afraid of killing his ass."
"...I'm dying...Why does it matter if he hurts me in the mean time?"
"That's the point. You're already dying, so why the hell should he make you suffer on top of that?"
"Why does any of this matter? Kurogane, I'm going to die, alright? I'm dying! It's plain, simple, and you won't let it rest! Why do you have to be involved?"
"Because I love you, dammit!"
Fai's voice cut off on him, as he went to argue further. His argument was lost, and he couldn't even remember what it was that he'd been about to say. It didn't seem to matter anymore. Kurogane had told him what he already knew...Reminded him of something that he'd tried to force himself in to thinking had all been a dream...Some crazy dream that he'd concocted as a means of satisfying some inner need...But it wasn't a dream. It had been real all along, and he'd always known it deep down.
He averted his eyes,
"...I'm dying, and that's all there is to it. You should just leave now, because you're just wasting your ti-"
"—You know what I think? I think that maybe...Maybe you're just too scared that someone might actually want to be with you."
Fai met his gaze again, trying to act strong,
"And why would that scare me?"
"Because you want to be with me too."
Fai couldn't think of anything to say in response to that. Kurogane's gaze was intense, and he was watching him for a reaction...Waiting to see what he would say in response. But he was at a loss...Because Kurogane was right. It wasn't just his Father...Fai himself was afraid of being with the raven...Afraid of being with anyone romantically...Because he'd been doomed from the start.
What would happen when he died...?
"...I was meant to die, Kurogane...It's been my curse from the start, and it'll be my curse until the very end..."
The raven scoffed lightly at this, and his expression intensified,
"'Meant to die,' is that really what you think? Idiot. If anything, you were meant to be with me."
The blonde averted his gaze once more. He could feel his heart swelling...Could feel it racing...Could feel his eyes watering...
Then he heard the raven chuckle. He turned to face him, and was taken by surprise as the taller male enveloped his lips in a kiss.
His heart beat increased as his lips responded.
He'd missed this...The warmth, the taste, the affection...And when Kurogane pulled away gently, and chuckled, he was instantly confused.
"You might want to calm back down again, or else a Nurse might come in to check up on you..."
"And why would she do that...?" He was confused now, as he tried to get his breath back.
Still amused, Kurogane nodded in the direction of the heart monitor...And Fai finally clued in to his heartbeat being broadcasted to anyone who was close enough to hear the beeping noises...
He looked away – blushing a deep shade of pink.
TT
When Fai was finally released from the hospital a few days later – his arms still covered in bandages – he was told to take it easy for the next two weeks. No exercising his arms...No trying to reach high places...He was to keep them as low as possible, and to keep them wrapped as much as possible for the next two weeks. Even though the scars had closed up, he knew that it would take some time for them to heal.
He was sent into the washroom. Raiko had brought him a change of clothes – the clothes he'd been in originally, had been ruined with blood. And no one wanted to see him wearing blood stained clothing. But Fai had a dilemma. He managed to dress the lower half of his body just fine...But he opened the door, shirt in hand.
He was staring at it, as if staring would somehow help to fix his situation.
"Fai," that was Fuuma, who caught the blondes attention. He was unbuttoning the dress shirt that he'd put on that morning – revealing the t-shirt that he'd worn beneath it. When he freed himself from the dress shirt, he smiled, and proceeded with helping Fai into it. The blonde did up the buttons quietly.
"This makes it easier for you. You don't have to lift your arms to put it on."
"Thanks Fuuma." The blue eyed male smiled, finishing up with the buttons.
They left the hospital as soon as they could, and picked up a bite to eat on the way home.
And – once everyone had finished their meals...
The couples in the room, moved together. Arms wrapped around bodies, hands were held...Fai watched in silence, wondering what he should do.
But he didn't have to think about it for long, as a warm arm wrapped around his waist. He blushed, liking the feeling of being in the ravens arms. It was familiar...It was comfortable...
It was safe.
"Wow...He's bigger than I thought he was..." Raiko murmured from his position next to Shooter – who had an arm around him.
Tomoyo chuckled at this,
"They're very different in sizes, aren't they? Fai's so tiny, and Kurogane looks like he could break him in half..."
"That's a dark, mental image," Shooter spoke up, quietly; his voice still eerily angelic.
Fai laughed, as did the rest of the gang. He was feeling so good, because he was home. He was safe, and home, and happy...And he had Kurogane, who was holding on to him...
But when he looked to Fuuma, and Kamui – sitting close to each other, but with some space in between...
A rush of guilt flowed through him, and he looked away again, quickly. Tomoyo noticed,
"I think that we should celebrate Fai's return!" She jumped up to her feet as she made her announcement.
"And how do you propose we do that?" Kurogane arched a brow, knowing that his cousin tended to take things out of hand.
"I think we can help there," Raiko spoke up now, as he got to his feet – his boyfriend following right behind him.
"We were talking to the others in the waiting room, while you were up in Fai's hospital room," The amethyst eyed male added, looking to Kurogane, before he grinned,
"So we went to get some celebratory drinks – based on what the others told us."
"...You bought alcohol?" Fai questioned, already knowing the answer.
"You don't look twenty..." Kurogane murmured, arching a brow.
"Of course I'm twenty...My fake ID says so!"
The taller raven stared at him for a few minutes, before turning his attention to his boyfriend,
"Your friends concern me."
Fai couldn't help but laugh.
TT
Everyone was crashing at Kurogane's house for the night, as almost everyone had been drinking. And everyone had been so happy about Fai being alright, and home once again – that they didn't want to leave.
Plenty of people had gone upstairs to bed already, but some of the group were still downstairs. Fai wasn't drinking much. Kurogane, Fuuma, and Shooter had each had one drink, Raiko was finishing his second, and Kamui...Kamui was sleeping, because he'd had too much to drink.
"You guys okay with sleeping on couches?" Kurogane questioned, looking over to Raiko and Shooter.
"Sure thing. We'll only need one couch though...We're used to sleeping next to each other...And if I'm away from him – he'll go into panic mode," the amethyst eyed male chuckled when his boyfriend shook his head.
The emerald eyed male had nothing to say in response to that. Fai offered him a small smile. Fuuma decided to speak up,
"I could understand why though...I mean, you're a professional gunman right? So when Raiko is away from you, you probably assume the worst...You must've grown up in one hell of a neighbourhood..."
"It's not a place that I'd ever want to return to, I know that much...Where I grew up, you had to carry a weapon...It meant staying alive. Women with guns in the backs of their baby's strollers...In their purses...Men with guns in their clothing...Knives attached to ankles...Hidden in the upper backs of peoples shirts...It was a dangerous neighbourhood..." Here he flashed the fact that he had a gun hidden within his clothing.
"Always armed..." Fuuma remembered Sakura saying so.
"Never leave the house without at least one gun...And it's always loaded."
"That side table has a drawer that pulls out. If you're keeping a gun in my house, at least put it where it's out of sight," Kurogane murmured, unsure of whether or not he should be surprised by the weapon.
Shooter nodded,
"I'll be sure to put it there before I go to sleep."
Raiko yawned, and stretched his arms over his head.
"We should head upstairs," Fai whispered,
"Everyone could use the sleep."
His boyfriend didn't argue. As the two got to their feet, so did Fuuma,
"I'm going to wake Kamui, and get him to sleep upstairs. He'll be worse than usual in the morning if he sleeps on a couch all night."
"Will you be alright getting him up on your own, Fuuma?" That was Fai, who was concerned.
"Yeah, I'll be alright. I'm pretty sure he'll listen."
"Alright...Hey, Raiko, Shooter? How about you two come upstairs for a bit...Check out our room, and the studio attachment..."
Neither of the males questioned the blonde. They simply got to their feet, and followed him up the stairs.
When Fuuma heard the bedroom door close upstairs, he sighed. He'd been left with a passed out Kamui. A passed out, drunken, ex-fiancée. There were plenty of people in the world that would abuse this situation...But he wasn't about to. Instead, he shook him – gently,
"Kamui...Hey, Kamui...Get up..."
The shorter raven groaned in his sleep.
"Kamui...You have to get up now..."
"Mmm...Fuuma?" The shorter raven opened his eyes slightly. They were glazed with sleep, and alcohol.
"Yeah, it's me. You've got to go upstairs to bed now, okay?"
"Mmm..." The blue eyed male shifted in his semi-consciousness,
"...Why can't I just...Sleep here?"
"Well, two reasons; the first one being the fact that if you sleep on a couch, you'll get a kink in your neck, or your shoulder...And it'll hurt you all day," Fuuma paused, giving Kamui a moment to soak it in, before he continued,
"And the second reason would be the fact that you're on my bed." He chuckled once he'd said it, but Kamui didn't smile. Instead, he opened his glazed over eyes, and set them on Fuuma – not seeing quite clearly, and not comprehending.
"...Why are you going to sleep...On a couch...? Are...Are you mad at me...?"
He was more far gone than anyone else could have imagined.
"No...No Kamui, I'm not mad at you. However, I do need to sleep on the couch tonight...Alright?"
"...You're not mad...?" He sounded so concerned...
Fuuma smiled slightly,
"Of course I'm not mad."
"...Then why won't you sleep upstairs...With me...? I feel like...Like you're angry with me...For fighting with you...Like you don't...Want me...Anymore..." Kamui was admitting his deeper feelings – something that he'd never been too good at doing in the first place. And he was only doing it, because he was tired and drunk...
"Kamui...I'm not mad." Fuuma kneeled beside the couch, and brushed the shorter ravens bangs out of his eyes.
"...Promise?" He needed the reassurance.
"I promise."
"...Then...Why won't you come upstairs...?"
"Because...You're forgiving me while you're drunk...And I don't think you're ready to forgive me while you're sober...At least, not yet..."
"...I forgave you the night that you left our apartment...I didn't want you to leave..." Here the shorter raven smiled slightly,
"...I woke up, thinking you were in the living room...'Cause the TV was off...And you're the only other person...With a key..."
"...Kamui..." Fuuma sighed. He should have known that the shorter raven wanted him back. A part of him had thought that he was just being hopeful...But now he was realizing that that wasn't the case.
"Listen...We can talk about this tomorrow, if you want to, okay? Right now, you need to go to sleep upstairs."
"...Carry me?" Kamui looked rather hopeful.
Fuuma smiled, and lifted the male easily – bridal style. It felt good, carrying him up the stairs. It felt good to have him in his arms...
They stopped outside of Kurogane and Fai's shared bedroom – as the door was opening once again. The blonde stepped out, and to the side, to let Raiko and Shooter past him. Then he realized that Fuuma was standing there, with Kamui in his hold.
"Going to bed?"
"Putting him to bed first," the taller raven told him so much, by saying so little.
Fai understood, and nodded. He watched them for a moment, made sure that Fuuma was able to open the door – and then returned to his own room, locking the door behind himself.
TT
He'd awoken to an empty room.
He had fuzzy memories from the night prior...Fai had returned...He knew that much for certain. They had come back – eaten...And then there was alcohol...And he'd foolishly downed drink after drink...He'd passed out on the couch...And then...
Fuuma.
A hazy image of Fuuma, looking down to him. Muffled words. It was like trying to listen to someone talk, while you were submerged in water. What was he saying? And then he was in the males arms, and being carried...To their room, he guessed.
So where was Fuuma?
Kamui felt numb, as he pulled his knees to his chest. He crossed his arms over top of his knees, and put his head in his arms.
The swelling started off slow. It was the inner void that grew, and expanded...And right now, it was trying its hardest to drown him completely. It dredged up the past, and it reminded him of Fuuma. Reminded him that it wasn't Fuuma's fault at all, that he was gone...It was his fault. He knew it already, he didn't need reminding. But the void swelled, wrapping itself around his heart. His stomach clenched up, and he felt sick.
He rocked himself as the tears became too much for his eyes to contain. They burned trails down his cheeks, when they managed to escape past his arms. The sobs wracked through his body, and he felt himself choking on his emotions.
He couldn't take much more of this.
TT
(A.N: So, before I wrote the whole bit between Kamui and Fuuma, I was watching a movie called, "Taiyou No Uta." It was actually reminded me of "A Walk To Remember." And yes, I mean the movie, and not my fanfic. XD Taiyou No Uta is cute, funny, and sad. It's really good! But enough about that...Who is excited for Christmas? I know I am! Not because of the presents really...Okay, the candy, maybe... XD Do you guys know what you're getting, or what you want? I'm pumped for this whole week. Later today I'm hanging out with a friend, sleeping at another friend's Mother's house on Tuesday – 'cause my friend is coming down to visit, and I haven't seen her in like seven months...And then Thursday night, my siblings are coming over! I haven't seen my older brother in like three months, so I'm pumped! But it's going to keep me busy, busy, busy...I'll try to squeeze in another chapter before Christmas, but I make no promises! So, as it is 6:15 AM, and my friend is coming at noon...I'm gonna go pass out...And maybe die. And if anyone gets that reference, I will give you the infamous internet cookie. R&R? LOVE YOU GUYS!)