10 September 2013

She was sitting cross-legged on the bed while Owen got ready for work.

Cristina watched him as he walked back and forth in front of her.

Every now and then he would look up at her and smile and she would nibble on her lip like she wasn't even aware that she was staring at him.

She cleared her throat. "Hey , Owen?"

He pulled on his jacket and then looked back at her. "Yeah?"

"Can I ... Do you mind if I go with you to work today?"

Owen froze. He thought about his reply carefully. He didn't want to scare her. "Yeah , sure." He tried to sound nonchalant.

She smiled. "Okay. I gotta go shower then." She jumped up and walked over to the bathroom.

"Do you need help?" He asked before she closed the door.

"I'm good."

The door closed and Owen smiled to himself.

He sat down on the bed and kicked off his shoes again. He was going to be late for his shift but he didn't mind.

Cristina wanting to go to the hospital showed that she was getting better. She was doing good.

It had been a few weeks since she last had an attack.

She had one more after the bathtub incident.

She had lost it in the park when a dog broke loose from his owner and charged towards her. She had fell to floor and pulled him with her. She couldn't stop crying and he had to carry her back to the truck.

After she calmed down , she refused to speak about it again.

Owen figured the panic attack had something to do with the wolves.

But that was the last one.

The door opened again with an annoyed Cristina on the other side. "I can't get this stupid sling off."

Owen smiled and walked over to her.

"This sling really is stupid." She mumbled as Owen slipped it off of her shoulder.

"I know." He laughed a little. He tossed it onto the floor and turned towards her again.

He smiled at the expression on her face ; her bottom lip was pushed out and her eyebrows were knitted.

"Also , it's a horrible colour." She stated.

"I chose the colour."

She shrugged. "I'm not apologizing for your sucky taste in colours."

Owen laughed again. "Yeah , whatever. Just get your ass into the shower."

\

Cristina sat down and Alex set her tray on the table.

"You know ," she started. "I like having you as my bitch." She picked up her fork and pointed it at him. "I think I'll keep you."

"Just shut up and eat."

Meredith sat down. "You look good in the clothes that I bought you."

"That sounds like something a rapper would say."

Meredith smiled. "Does it feel good to be back?"

Cristina shrugged. "I guess." She tried to play it cool but she couldn't hide the joy in her eyes.

Her day had been amazing. She had sat in so many galleries and witnessed so many surgeries. And after some convincing , Owen had even agreed to allow her to do an appendectomy.

It did feel good to be back. She also knew that it meant that she was getting better. She was well enough to go back to work now.

Cristina turned her attention back to Meredith. "How are Zola and Derek doing?"

"Well , Zola is really starting to get the hang of walking. She's making her mother proud." Meredith smiled.

Cristina smiled back. "And how about Derek?"

"He's proud , too."

Cristina watched Meredith's eyes fall downwards and then busy herself with her food.

Cristina looked at Alex and he shrugged.

She decided not to pry any further. She made the decision to let her friend come to her with whatever was going on in her marriage.

Cristina had noted something was wrong ever since that day she woke up to find Meredith in her hospital room , staring out of the window.

As she watched Meredith steal a fry from Alex's tray when he wasn't looking , she wondered if their lives could just be ordinary for once.

She could do with a little ordinary.

\

"I think this can come off now." Callie announced , removing the sling from Cristina's shoulder.

"Seriously?" She rotated her shoulder a little.

"Yeah. A month has been enough. You're good as new." Callie's smile faded a little. "Well , not good as new. You might still have a little pain now and then but other than that , you're good." Her smile brightened again.

Cristina returned the smile. "That's a relief. Damn thing is annoying."

Callie laughed and hopped onto the exam table with Cristina. "But are you good though?"

Cristina looked at her for a moment and then pushed herself off of the table. "We're not doing this."

Callie knitted her brows. "Doing what?"

"This whole talking thing." Cristina gestured all around her. "We're not talking about our hopes and dreams and fears." She paused. "No. Not happening."

Callie shrugged. "Okay , but if you need to talk , call me."

Cristina opened the exam room door and walked out. "Don't count on it." She threw over her shoulder , Her voice half playful , half serious.

As the door swung close again , Callie sighed. "How do you solve a problem like Cristina?" She mumbled to herself. But she then came to the conclusion that she wasn't someone you needed to solve or fix or change , she was just someone who needed to be understood.

\

"God , you look terrible." Noah stated as Cristina walked into the room.

"I was just about to say the same thing about you." She pulled a chair up next to his hospital bed and plopped down in it. "So , what's up? I heard you were dying since the last time I saw you."

"Well , apparently , I can survive a plane crash and war but an appendectomy nearly killed me." Noah shrugged.

"Seriously? An appendectomy?"

"Yeah. I was suppose to leave a few days ago when I suddenly got this pain in my side. Next thing I knew , I'm waking up with tubes everywhere and I'm being told that I nearly bled out when an intern nicked something. I wasn't really paying attention. I was too concentrated on how fucked up my life is." He laughed.

"I know what you mean." Cristina looked down. "Hey , sorry I didn't come to see-"

"Don't apologize." Noah cut her off. "I get it. I get why you didn't come."

Cristina smiled at him. "Thanks."

"Have you been to see Jerry?" Noah changed the subject.

"Yeah. He's doing great. Just had his last surgery yesterday and is still out. Shepherd said that things are looking hopeful."

"I don't trust Shepherd." Noah stated. "His hair is too perfect. It's too suspicious." He gestured at his own hair.

"He has a wife. Don't fall in love with him too much."

"Damn."

Cristina laughed , stood up and gestured for him to move over.

She laid down next to him and sighed. "I'm glad you didn't die."

"Yeah , that would've sucked."

"Yep."

He looked at her for a while and then smiled. "I'm glad you didn't die , too."

\

Owen set Cristina on her feet.

He was forced to carry her into the house after she complained about being too tired to walk and refused to move.

She threw her jacket onto the chair and kicked off her shoes.

"You're welcome." Owen said sarcastically , his tone playful.

She stepped forward and wrapped her arms around his neck. She looked into his eyes as a light smile played on her lips. "Thank you." She placed a soft kiss on his lips. "For everything." Her words held a lot.

He placed his hands on her hips and pulled her even closer. "You're welcome."

He moved in for another kiss but she pulled away. "I am starving." She complained. She was about to walk away when he lifted her into the air again.

She giggled , because that's what she did when she was with Owen , as he carried her over to the kitchen counter and set her down there.

"Stay." He instructed.

"Yes , Sir."

He walked over to the fridge and pulled it open. "Okay , we've got cold pizza , spaghetti and... " his voice trailed off as he smelled something , made a face and then threw it in the trash. "I guess that's it." He wiped his hands on his jeans. "What would you like?"

"Pizza , please."

"You got it."

Cristina listened as he moved around the kitchen. She heard plates being moved and the microwave being turned on and then he was in front of her again.

He handed her a plate and stood between her legs as he took a bite of his own slice.

"So , did you enjoy today?"

She chewed as she nodded. "I did."

"Feeling better?"

"I am."

His smile was so bright and filled with love that her appetite was suddenly gone and she was craving something different.

She set her plate on the counter and then did the same with his.

"I think you've had enough." She wrapped her arms around his neck again and pulled him closer with her legs.

She placed a kiss on his cheek , on his neck and then his lips.

"I missed you." He whispered.

She rested her forehead on his. "I know." Her eyes remained close. "I missed you."

Suddenly , she was in the air again , her back was hitting the mattress and Owen was kissing her hard.

He pulled away and looked into her eyes. "I'm tired of missing you."

She started unbuttoning his shirt. "I know." She said again and then pulled him close once more. "Now , ssh and help me get you naked so that I can stop missing you."

\

Owen woke up to the sound of rain falling against the windows.

It took him a while to realize that the thing that woke him up was the blaring alarm beside his head.

He turned it off and then suddenly remembered that someone was suppose to be next to him.

But she wasn't there.

"Cristina?" He called out into the still dark house. There wasn't any answer.

He got out of bed and walked over to the bathroom , pushing the door open. "Cristina?" She wasn't in there either.

He walked back into the bedroom and looked around with his hands on his hips , mildly confused.

For a second , he wondered if she might be on the roof but then he remembered that it was raining.

Something caught his eye on his bedside table and found that the light on his phone was flashing continuously, signaling he had a voicemail in his inbox.

He walked over to get it and then sat down on the bed again.

He held the phone up to his ear and almost immediately her voice came through.

"Owen , hi." He could tell something was wrong but her voice was still filled with love. "Don't hate me but I did something." She continued. "I'm currently on a flight to Switzerland." She paused because she probably knew that he would need some time to process that. After a moment , she went on. "I just couldn't ... I couldn't say goodbye again." She was quiet again. "We knew this was coming. We knew that at some point I had to leave and I hope me sneaking off in the middle of the night was worth it because it was the hardest thing I ever had to. I don't want to leave you. I don't. But , I have to go and live my life. And so do you." He heard the emotion in her voice and he could feel his own eyes tearing up. "This is for the best."

His heart ached at her words. "You have given me ... So much. You have. Don't ever doubt that , Owen." Her tone was stern. "And just so you know , everything I've ever said , I'll always mean." He closed his eyes and listened as her voice faltered. "I want you ... I want you to have what you need. You deserve it. That's why I can't stay. I can't stand in the way of your dreams. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I did. I can't have you resent me , Owen." He heard her take a deep breath in. "I can't have that." She repeated. "You are such an important person in my world." She emphasized each word. "You always have been and always will be." He could now hear that she was crying by the change in her breathing and it made him wipe the wetness from his own eyes. "I've been rambling , I know. But , I just wanted you to know. We didn't get a proper goodbye the last time and I just thought that we deserved one this time. Even if it had to be this way." She laughed a little. "Owen , I will always-" She was cut off by a flight attendant , telling her that they were about to take off and she needed to put her phone away. Owen heard Cristina ask for a minute and then she was back. "Anyway , I've gotta go. The flight attendants are giving me dirty looks." Owen smiled. She was quiet for a while and he waited. He waited for it. "I ... Uh .. Take care now. Bye."

And then the machine was speaking in his ear again , asking if he wanted to replay the message.

He threw the phone on the bed beside him.

He looked around at his surroundings.

Everything felt different.

The house suddenly felt a lot colder.

The bed looked a lot bigger and emptier.

And Even as the sun started to break through the rain clouds and pour into the firehouse , the house still looked dark.

He felt more alone than he ever had before.

He sighed and looked at his phone again.

His words were a whisper into the cold , dark , lonely home they once shared.

"Take care now."

/

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