WARNING: Suicide.

Saturday found Mai and Yasuhara working together in the dining room. Mai was whizzing through her biology homework, while Yasuhara stared out of the window, pen in hand.

"Mai?"

"Hmm?"

"Can I ask you a serious question?"

"Sure?"

Mai put her pen down and waited for him to speak.

"Say you'd done something bad. Like really bad," he began.

"Like murder-bad?"

"Yeah, for argument's sake, let's say murder." Yasuhara took a breath. "Say you have murdered someone but there is no evidence. Only you know you did it."

"Okay?"

"How do you live knowing you did something like that?"

Mai's eyes widened.

"You really did mean serious huh…"

Mai bit her lip and frowned.

"Well I can't really make it up to the person I murdered or apologise to them," Mai said, thinking outloud. "And saying sorry to their family isn't really going to help."

She hummed, deep in thought.

Yasuhara watched her carefully.

"I guess I would try and learn from the mistake?" Mai mumbled, her voice weak. "But I can't imagine myself doing something like that. Even if it was accidental murder—"

"That's manslaughter."

"Yeah, I mean I'd feel guilty as hell, but I guess I'd just have to learn to live with that and make the most of the rest of my life." She shrugged. "That's not helpful, is it?"

"No."

"I'm sorry."

"It's okay, I didn't expect a great answer."

"Cheers," Mai muttered sarcastically. "Nice to know you have so much faith in me!"

Yasuhara laughed reluctantly.

"I meant that you are too good to be able to get into that mindset. I doubt you've hurt anyone ever!"

"I have," Mai insisted. "But I tend to fight with words, not fists." She held up a hand. "I'm not exactly built for fighting."

"No one is built for fighting," Yasuhara countered. "It's about using what you've got against your opponent."

"Yeah alright Mr Martial Arts," Mai said.

"Hardly," Yasuhara said, rolling his eyes. "I quit karate years ago."

"How come?"

"I got bored of it. I only started in the first place because of my Dad. It was kind of expected, you know?"

Mai nodded. She wanted to question how Oliver had managed to land a hit at all, but thought it best not to bring up that fight when Yasuhara was not in the best of spirits.

"I could teach you some things," Yasuhara said suddenly. "Like how to escape a few holds."

Mai was taken aback.

"Really?"

"Yeah, it's quite easy."

He jumped up, a keen expression spread over his face.

Mai stood up and moved around the table.

"Okay, so grab my wrist," Yasuhara instructed. "Really tight."

Mai complied, squeezing Yasuhara's wrist as hard as she could.

"Okay, so I want to escape right? So I twisted my hand inwards," he demonstrated as he spoke, "And then if my attacker is holding really tight so to get leverage I put my elbow towards yours and then," his wrist was forced out of Mai's hand, "I'm free!"

"No way can I do that!"

"Do you want to try?"

"Yeah."

Mai held her arm out and let Yasuhara take hold of it.

"So I twist it," Mai said as she moved. "Then…"

"Elbow to elbow," Yasuhara reminded.

Mai did as instructed and broke free of Yasuhara's grip.

"I did it!"

Mai bounced on the spot.

"Do it again."

She held out her other wrist. Yasuhara chuckled, but complied. They practiced the move a few more times before moving on to another hold.

"So strangle me."

"Steady on," Mai teased. But she placed her hands around Yasuhara's neck. "I hope no one walks in on us now."

"So I bring both hands up inside of yours and twist them out, like so. Now that might not always work, especially if your attacker is really strong. So in that case you aim for their throat, or the side of their neck. Or their nose, or eyes…"

"Anything sensitive?" Mai summarised.

"Yeah."

They practiced that a few times before returning to the table.

"I mean I can't promise it'll save you but it might help," Yasuhara mumbled.

"If all else fails, I will kick them in the balls and or ovaries," Mai declared.

"Yeah. Look, I'm gonna return my stuff to my room before dinner," Yasuhara said. "I'll see you later."

"Okay."

Mai watched him go before finishing off the piece of homework she had started. Yasuhara had the right idea, she did not want food stains on her books. She packed up and returned to her room.

John had been busy with end of term coursework on Monday night, so he requested that they played table tennis on Tuesday. Mai accepted this proposal and so, come Tuesday evening, they found themselves battling away.

With only two weeks of term left, the common room was a lot emptier than usual due to end of term tests and extra homework for the years with January exams.

Which meant that, apart from a few first years watching TV, John and Mai had the common room to themselves.

"Hey, have you spoken to Yasuhara recently?" John asked at the end of their third game.

"Yeah, why?"

"Do you know if he's moving schools?"

"He hasn't mentioned it, why?" Mai asked, confused.

"Only the way he spoke to me this morning - we bumped into each other in the bathroom - he made it sound like he wouldn't be seeing me again."

"Maybe it's because the holidays were coming up?" Mai suggested.

John frowned, unconvinced.

"I think he's going through a rough time," John said after a while. "I'll try to keep an eye on him."

"I thought the same thing," Mai admitted. "What did he say to you, exactly?"

"He thanked me for being kind to him and stuff, it was odd. It sounded like he was making a speech almost, like he'd rehearsed what he wanted to say."

"I'll try and talk to him."

"Thanks. I know you're closer to him than I am, maybe you can get through and find out what's bothering him."

"Yeah, maybe."

But Mai somehow thought that she would not manage it.

Nevertheless, that night she texted him.

Mai: Hey, John said you were acting weird earlier, are you okay?

Yasuhara: What did he say?

Mai: That you were thanking him and stuff? What was all that about?

Yasuhara: Oh, that! I just wanted him to know I appreciated his friendship. I realised I sort of took him for granted and didn't want him to think I did so…

Yasuhara: Talking of which, I want you to know I am grateful for what you've done. I know going against your friends isn't exactly easy.

Mai: Wow, you really are being soppy! You sure you're okay?

Yasuhara: Yeah, I'm fine. But thanks for asking :)

Mai chose to leave the conversation there, not entirely convinced. John was right, Yasuhara had seemed different lately. Less defensive, which she appreciated, but more… She was not sure of the right word.

Yet only ten minutes later, Yasuhara texted again.

Yasuhara: Um, I need your help with something, if you can.

Mai: What is it?

Yasuhara: I need to speak to Gene. I don't want to fight Oliver, or upset anyone, but I need to say a few things to him.

Mai: I don't know, I don't think he wants to talk to you right now. Maybe leave it until after the Xmas holidays? Things might have calmed down by then.

Yasuhara: Okay.

Mai frowned. There had been no fight in him whatsoever.

Defeated.

That was the right word, Yasuhara was acting as if defeated. Mai only hoped the Christmas holidays really let the dust settle.

Friday lunchtime was a disaster.

Mai and Masako had just sat down to eat when the twins joined them. They ate in silence for a few minutes before someone else loomed over their table.

"Gene, I need a word."

It was Yasuhara.

Oliver made to stand up, but Eugene beat him to it.

"Go away."

Oliver paused, half stood up, looking between the two.

"I just, please. I need to say something and—"

"I don't care. Go away!" Eugene said, louder. Other students glanced around.

"Gene—"

"Just fuck off! Haven't you done enough already? Look!" Eugene held up a hand and undid the cuff of his shirt, revealing a sickly thin arm. "You did this! You have hurt everyone and I don't care what you have to say!"

"I'm sorry—"

"Fuck off!" Eugene shouted.

The entire canteen was staring. Mai's mouth fell open.

Yasuhara nodded, shoulders sagging and eyes fixing on the floor. The reflection on his glasses hid his facial expression as he walked away, but Mai would not have been surprised if he was crying.

Eugene sat back down and there was a moment of silence before everyone began chatting about what had just happened.

But the table where Masako, Mai, Oliver and Eugene sat remained silent for the entire meal. No one daring to speak.

Mai went to bed early that night. She and Masako had talked for far too long about Eugene's outburst and Yasuhara daring to approach.

Her only comfort was the fact that the Christmas holidays were a week away. Of course, this also meant she had to revise for her January mock exams. But right now, she would take revision over drama any day.

She curled up under her duvet with the book that Oliver had bought her the previous Sunday. It was a fantastic read and she had even started considering potential fanfiction plots. What if the main character had died at that one point…? What if his best friend had died instead? What if… What if… What if…

Mai did not remember dozing off.

She woke to find her bedside lamp still on and her book closed over her hand.

"Oops," she mumbled, rubbing her eyes. She grabbed her bookmark and saved her place. "What on earth is the time?"

She poked the button the side of her phone.

"One? Eugh. Ooh, text…"

She unlocked the device and waited for the message to load. Her phone, like her brain, was slow to react.

Yasuhara: Hi Mai, I realise that things have been hard on you lately and that has been my fault.

Mai frowned, but read on.

Yasuhara: Oliver has been warning you against me for good reason. I hurt Gene. I hurt Gene badly and there is nothing I can do to make it up to him.

An empty void began to fill Mai's stomach.

Yasuhara: On the night of Masako's party we went back to his house. Everything was fun and good and then he said 'stop'. And I didn't.

Bile rose in Mai's throat and she fought to swallow it back down.

Yasuhara: I didn't listen. I don't know why I didn't listen but I didn't. I raped him. I am a despicable human being and I can't live with myself knowing I hurt someone I care for so much.

"Oh shit…"

Yasuhara: Which is why I want to thank you for your kindness in the last few weeks. You are too nice and I want you to know I have the highest opinion of you. You can go on to do anything you want. Thank you.

The timestamps on these texts read sometime after eleven.

"Fuck. Shit. What do I do?"

Mai fell out of bed and scrambled to her feet.

"I can't go into the boys' dorms," she said.

Then realised how stupid that was.

"John. John will help."

She found his number and dialled while pulling on her slippers.

"Hello?" John's bleary voice reached Mai's ears and she sighed in relief.

"You need to check on Yasuhara. I think he's doing something stupid."

"What?"

"Go and bash down Yasuhara's door!"

Mai left her room at a sprint.

"Why?" John asked, still confused.

"Just do it!"

"Okay…"

Mai bounded down the flights of stairs five at a time. She swung around the newel and down the corridor.

She paused as she came to the entrance to the boys' dorms.

It was forbidden to go past this point.

"What am I thinking…"

Yasuhara could be…

"Where is his room?" she demanded down the phone.

"First floor."

The boys' dorm was a mirror of the girls', so Mai had no issue navigating. She lept up the stairs and spotted John.

He was knocking politely and whispering Yasuhara's name.

But now was no time for politeness.

Mai pushed John aside and hammered on the door.

"Mai! You'll wake people up!"

"I don't care! He might be dead!"

"What?" John sounded shocked.

"He sent me a text. I think he tried to..."

She banged on the door, unable to finish the thought.

"Yasuhara! Wake up and answer this!"

"I'll go get the Matron," John mumbled.

Mai was barely aware of him running off. She kicked the door hoping it would be louder, but it resulted in a sore toe.

"I have to get in."

Mai backed away then ran forwards, jamming her shoulder against the door. It didn't budge an inch.

She tried again.

And again.

"Miss Taniyama, what are you doing?! This is the boys' dormitories!"

"Matron! Please you have to open this door I think he's tried to do something stupid!"

"It's true," John said. "We've been knocking for ages, he should have woken up by now."

She frowned but pulled her keys out of her dressing gown pocket. The Matron stepped past Mai and knocked.

"Yasuhara? I'm coming in now, okay?"

She unlocked the door, but Mai forced her way past and into Yasuhara's room. It was immaculate, like a show home.

Yasuhara was lying on his bed.

His eyes were closed. His lips were purplish blue. His mouth had drool escaping from the side. His skin was deathly pale.

"Yasuhara!" Mai shouted.

She rushed to his side, feeling for a pulse.

His body was still warm.

"Call an ambulance," Mai begged over her shoulder. But John had already dialled '999'. "He has a pulse, it's weak but I can feel it."

"Yasuhara, can you hear me?" the Matron asked. "We need to put him in the recovery position."

Mai's limbed worked on autopilot, helping the Matron manoeuvre Yasuhara onto his side. She could not hear John's words as he spoke to the operator. She could not hear the Matron's words either.

Mai glanced around, looking for any idea of what he had done. But everything was so tidy. She crept over and looked into the bin.

"Pills."

Her hand reached in of its own accord and picked one of the empty blister packs up.

Paracetamol.

She picked another.

Temazepam.

And another.

Ibuprofen.

"Sleeping pills and painkillers," Mai summarised.

"He still has a pulse."

"I'm going to go and wait outside for the ambulance," John said.

"Mai, I am sorry to have to ask this of you, but can you remain here. I need to wake another of the staff to help deal with this."

"Of course."

The Matron followed after John, leaving Mai alone with Yasuhara.

She watched the minute rise and fall of his chest.

"You idiot. How was this going to solve anything?"

Of course, Yasuhara did not reply.

"I hate you right now."

Still no reply.

"What were you even thinking?"

But she knew what he had been thinking: who would want to associate with a rapist?

Her eyes were drawn to a piece of paper next to his body. Frowning, Mai picked it up.

Eugene

It was a small envelope.

Mai wanted to open it but knew its contents were not for her.

"He's in here," a voice from outside the room said.

Mai shoved the envelope in her pocket, ensuring its safety from the teachers.

She was pushed aside as the paramedics worked. John pulled her into a loose embrace. The contact felt weird, but she did not push him away.

Then together, they watch Yasuhara be carried away.

End of Part 2...

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