So, a funny weird story: I met a girl called Aithusa, well she spells it like Athoosa but pronounces it like Aithusa. And even though we've only known each other for around 4-5 weeks, I honestly feel like she's one of the sweetest people I've ever known. And I keep telling her that I love her name and she laughed and asked me why? But before I could answer she told me that my name was actually the name of a very popular belly dancing group in her hometown. Safe to say the conversation steered far away from cute fictional dragons at that point :P

Anywho thank you for all the reviews, favs and follows! ( requim17: I'm super glad you liked the direction I took with mergana, trust me my feelings and thoughts when it comes to their development are exactly the same as yours and I'm very happy you're enjoying the story!)

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Merlin knocked softly on her door.

Morgana set her hairbrush down and got up from her vanity. She opened the door and let him in.

The room was unusually bright for this time of the night, with multiple candles shining around her bed.

"I was just practicing," she explained, "lighting and extinguishing them."

"Didn't anybody ever warn you not to play with fire?" he teased.

"Gaius did, once. When I almost burned my hand at the feast of my sixteenth birthday. But I never listen to that man's advice and I'm not about to start now."

"I don't doubt it." Merlin replied. He cleared his throat awkwardly and then said, "I just wanted to thank you for not bringing up the poison incident."

"I didn't do it for you."

"I know but still, I'm grateful."

"What good would it do honestly? Arthur would grab his chest in shock and declare, 'You didn't talk to me for a month after I tore your favorite dress. A month Morgana! And you forgave Merlin for poisoning you? How could you?!" she waved her arms around wildly and pulled a surprisingly well -if a little exaggerated- impersonation of an enraged Arthur.

Merlin laughed. "Oh please, you know his reaction would've been far more aggressive that that. Something along the lines of him grabbing me by the neck and proceeding to throttle me while Gwen supported him from the sidelines. You saved my life."

Morgana considered his words for a moment before she firmly shook her head.

"No, that would not have happened. You three care too much about each other to ever truly harm one another."

A coldness settled over his chest despite the warmth in her room. "Us three? And what are you then, an outsider? You realize Morgause isn't the only one who loves you right?"

Morgana chewed on her bottom lip, regretful about what she had just said but not willing to take it back.

"Perhaps but Morgause loves me more. I know you don't trust her and you wonder why I'm still so attached to her when I have all of you. It's because despite all the flaws in her way of showing love, at the end of the day Morgause wants the best for me. Or at least her 'idea' of what's best for me. I can always rely on her to have my back and I can't really say that about anybody else in my life right now."

The last sentence felt like a pointed arrow meant to wound him acutely and she turned away to face the window so she wouldn't have to see the hurt in his eyes.

After waiting a beat in which she recollected her thoughts, Morgana went on, "And I say this knowing how deep her flaws run. Merlin I'm not unaware of the fact that she did...'something' to fundamentally change who I was when she took me away for that year."

His breath hitched behind her.

"You mean she used the mandrake-"

"No it wasn't the roots. It was much more subtle. Maybe something in the food I ate, or the potions she used to heal me, or even the air in the preposterously large room she gave me to live in. I don't know. But I felt it, I felt the change within me. At first my mind rebelled, similar to antibodies fighting against a foreign substance in your system. Because that's exactly what it was. Foreign, unfamiliar ideas seeded into my brain. Thoughts that had never even occurred to me now seemed like second nature. Thoughts about killing Arthur and Gwen, killing you."

She paused and chuckled darkly. "Though I'm sure the desire to murder you was more mine than any kind of magical persuasion. But the influence grew stronger. Day in and day out. The thoughts about how every citizen in Camelot was guilty because they continued to support Uther's laws. And that was ridiculous because I knew they obviously didn't have the power to stop this madness, anyone who dared to speak up would be executed immediately. Yet I continued to spiral down that path and then then the day came when Morgause was certain that I would never stray from my goal. She told me I was ready to go back. She knew I had reached the point where I would do anything to sit on the throne, kill anyone in my way. And that's exactly what I did." she whispered.

The room became remarkably quiet in the aftermath of her confession. When Merlin finally responded, it felt like he was sharing a confession of his own.

"There was this nagging suspicion on the back of my mind some days, when I couldn't connect you at all to the woman you used to be, when I could barely recognize you, that maybe there was something amiss. A missing link that would allow everything to make sense. But I never pursued it because-"

"You didn't care enough to go that far." she said simply but Merlin could hear the straining edges in her voice.

He took a few hesitant steps forward, unsure how close he should get until he stopped right behind her.

"I do now."

Her face was partially shadowed but Merlin could see that it was rosier than it should be. "I know."

She felt his sigh on her neck and fought the urge to lean back into him. Her grip on the windowsill tightened as Merlin curved his hand around her arm, fingers resting lightly and ready to let go at a moment's notice. His head dipped low, as close as he could get without actually touching her and then his mouth was at her ear. "It's okay, it's all behind us now."

Morgana breathed out and watched it fog up the window, blurring the world outside for a second before it faded away to reveal the Camelot courtyard below her again. Where she'd first seen him, the only frightened face in a crowd brimming with bloodlust. Their eyes had met, for the briefest moment, before she retreated back into her chambers. He'd probably forgotten about her the next minute but she remembered. Maybe it was a sign.

"Morgana?" he gently shook her. She turned around at the sound of her name and promptly bumped heads with him, which caused him to stumble back a few steps. She rubbed her aching temple and looked up to see him doing the same. They both grinned and just like that the tension melted away.

"So is that all you had to say because I have the feeling that there's more to this visit?" she asked as she moved to sit down on her bed. The luminous candles were starting to irritate her and she diminished most of them with a flick of her wrist.

"Actually, yes." Merlin frowned, clearly unhappy about having to talk about whatever he was going to share but believing that it was absolute necessary.

"I'm sorry your family so messed up Morgana, I really am."

Her eyebrows pulled together in a dark V of worry.

"Uh...okay. What is this about Merlin?"

"Your mother. It's time you found out the truth about what actually happened to her."

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So I included that part about Morgause and Morgana because honestly there's no way for me to reconcile season 2 Morgana and season 3 Morgana without some hint of magic being involved. Maybe nothing drastic like the mandrake roots because I don't think Morgause would ever use that on her sister but the 180 degree change in Morgana doesn't make sense at all, at least to me especially when it concerns killing citizens that Morgana was so strongly against. So here's my take on how, partially, it works. Even then it's a shoddy situation I think. But Morgana isn't ready to give up on Morgause because she was her only beam of light when everyone else had turned her back. Merlin's revelations will put her in a tough spot.

Anywho, thanks for reading, lemme know your thoughts and in case I don't manage to update once more before the year is over:

Merry Christmas to all those who celebrate, Happy Holidays to all those who don't, and a Happy New Year to everyone! :D