Previously on All Fall Down…
When the wrapping paper is gone, Ziva can read the words on the box. She looks up at the two most important men in her life with shining eyes.
"I know it's not full size or anything, and it's electric so it sits on a stand and doesn't have pedals, and it's definitely no baby grand, but… I thought you should have one, if you love it so much."
Tony DiNozzo has bought her a piano.
"Tony! How did you know?" Tali exclaims, wrapping her small arms around Tony's waist tightly. "I have not played piano in ages, I missed it so much! Todah todah todah!"
Tony smiles and rubs her head affectionately. "You're welcome. When Ziva was over yesterday she played a bit for me, and I figured the two of you must miss playing a lot. A since it's Christmas…" he shrugs modestly. "Ari also chipped in, so you don't just have me to thank."
At that, Tali pulls back from Tony and transfers her hug over to her brother.
With Tali's embrace gone, it is inevitable that Tony would next transfer his attention to Ziva. She is standing next to the box, watching the interactions from afar.
She is not sure what to say, and for a moment there is nothing but meaningful eye contact. It seems they are quite good at non-verbal communication, because there is a minute where Ziva does not think words are even necessary. Every expression of gratitude that he is no doubt waiting to hear is clearly expressed in her eyes and in the way her mouth is upturned ever so slightly.
Tali, being the astute child she is, senses that their unspoken dialogue is perhaps something best fitted for privacy. She discreetly ushers Ari out of the room.
"You did not have to do this," Ziva finally says, feeling obligated to at least say something.
"It's Christmas. Gift-giving comes with the territory," Tony replies. She, however, is not satisfied.
"I did not get anything for you."
"Well this was a hell of a good day in my opinion, and I believe I have you to thank for that. It sure beats hanging at home watching How the Grinch Stole Christmas for the seventh time. Jim Carrey's great, but I don't think I could watch that movie again. So that counts: the gift of human company. Oh, and you made those donut things, and really if that doesn't count as a present then I don't know what does."
A gentle smile appears on her face as she listens to him ramble. Without thinking, she begins to close the space between them. Her feet start moving the second he finishes talking, almost on their own accord.
Soon she is standing right in front of him, and there is only a second's hesitation before she reaches up and wraps her arms around his neck ever so gently. The way he tenses up almost immediately informs her that he really was not expecting her to hug him. He relaxes almost immediately and brings his arms up around her torso, and for a moment she allows herself a human moment to relish in the safety his embrace brings.
"Thank you," she breathes, and with her mouth so close to his ear he has no trouble hearing it. With that, she pulls out of the hug and stands back, giving them a good few feet of space.
"I'm glad you like it," he replies, his left hand still resting on her shoulder. He gives it a light squeeze and trails it down her upper arm before releasing it. With this moment, both of them know they crossed quite a few implicit boundaries. They drew a line in the sand the night that Tony asked her out—the night they decided that friendship was as far as they could go. It seems, however, that the tide has come in and eroded what was previously definite. Now, after the waves have retreated, all that is left is ambiguity.
But, oh, how beautiful the waves were that night.
…
The twenty-seventh of December finds Ziva sitting in a white-walled room on a paper-covered padded table surrounded by sterilized medical equipment.
Patience is a virtue that Ziva has never truly been blessed with, especially when she is nervous. Her fingers are tapping against the table in a never-ending rhythm. She should not be nervous, she knows this, but the thought of what Dr. Kendiss can tell her today has her stomach in her throat. Bad news is not uncommon when it comes to Ziva's life, but she hopes to God that it will not be the same for her baby.
It feels like hours before the door opens to reveal Dr. Kendiss. Ziva stops her tapping immediately and sits up straight.
"Hello, Ziva, how are we feeling today?" the middle-aged woman asks as she picks up her clipboard and pen.
"I am well," Ziva responds.
"Good. Have you been taking it easy these last two weeks?"
"Yes. I cut down my shifts at the diner like you suggested. I only work one four-hour shift six days a week now."
"Good. Have you been taking your vitamins?" the doctor asks, continuing her line of questioning and simultaneously making marks on the clipboard.
"Yes."
"How has your diet been? Are you eating more?"
"I… still do not have much of an appetite, but I am eating what I can. More than before," Ziva answers. She is actually quite proud of herself. Ever since her first appointment, she has been putting forth a conscious effort to consume more food.
"Alright, well then, I think we can get started on the ultrasound. If you could lift up your shirt and lie down…"
Ziva does as instructed, and soon she feels the cool gel being spread across her belly.
"You're looking bigger since I last saw you," Kendiss observes.
"That is good, yes?"
"Very."
The doctor moves the wand over her belly, and Ziva stares intently at the screen. A grainy black and white image appears, and she is mesmerized.
"Oh…" Ziva exhales, her eyes fixed on the screen. "Hello again."
She hardly notices the doctor taking out another wand and putting it on her stomach as well, but soon a noise fills the room and her eyes widen.
"Is that…?"
"It's your baby's heartbeat, Ziva. That's your baby," the doctor informs her, smiling gently.
Ziva does not know what to say. For a moment she just listens to the rapid thump-thump, thump-thump, thump-thump and watches her baby's tiny movements on the screen.
"Why is it so fast? Is it supposed to be so fast?"
"That's perfectly normal. It has a healthy heart rate, don't worry," the doctor promises. "It's doing much better than it was two weeks ago. Its growth is closer to the normal growth curve. You're doing well, Ziva. The baby's still small, but the chances of carrying it to term are looking better."
Ziva exhales a sigh of relief, feeling as though a giant weight has lifted from her chest. Her baby is doing better. Her baby will be okay. They will both be okay.
"You're about a week into your second trimester now," the doctor continues after a minute. "Do you know what that means?"
Ziva frowns in confusion. "Not really."
"The baby is big enough now for me to be able to tell you the sex. Would you like to know?"
There is a beat of silence while Ziva deliberates. Does she? Does she really want to know her baby's gender? It's such big news, is she really ready to hear this?
"Yes," she decides, curiosity getting the better of her, "I want to know."
And so she waits with bated breath.
…
The girls' celebrations of Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur brought a sense of comfort.
Lila was a bit afraid of participating. While she was hardly a devout Muslim, she was not sure she should participate in their celebrations. The girls understood, and Lila mostly watched from afar as the girls prayed and danced. She did take part in the fasting, however, even though Ziva assured her that it was not necessary.
To cover their heads, the girls used pillow cases. All of them refrained from taking the drugs and from eating. Ziva had managed to convince Kameel and Harim from bringing in any clients, as well. It was not difficult. The two men knew that they could not force the girls to do something against their religion, because keeping the peace was far too important when the girls were technically not being held against their will.
Ziva went to bed that night feeling almost at peace. She clutched her necklace, remembering home.
She felt closer to it than she had in months.
…
The apartment is empty when she returns home, and she is glad. She needs space, time alone, to soak in everything that has happened today.
Ziva needs time to envision her future, now that she has a better picture of what it will look like.
She is feeling hungry, so she grabs pita and hummus from the kitchen and plops down on the couch, grabbing Tali's book off the end table. However, she only makes it through a page before reaching into her pocket and pulling out the sonogram picture. She places it into the book, covering up the words, and stares. She examines the curvature of the spine, the tiny nose, the little feet, as her free hand rubs her belly gently.
It is not unlikely that she could spend hours just looking at her baby, wondering if she has ever loved anything more.
These pregnancy hormones are making her a sap.
Eventually, she does move from her spot on the couch. A shower is in order, she decides, and heads to the bathroom. As she strips out of her clothes, she examines herself in the full-length mirror and wonders when exactly her baby bump became quite so obvious.
The shower is refreshing and relaxing. When she gets out, she spends a half hour just blow-drying her hair, killing time until Tali returns from school. Once her hair is sufficiently dry, she returns to the kitchen and makes her sister a small snack of apples and peanut butter (her favorite) to eat when she returns. Her mind's eye can't help but conjure up images of what it will look like to have a small child running around the apartment, standing on tiptoes to see over the counter, munching on small pieces of fruit, banging on the piano which is now set up in the living room.
These images put a smile on her face, and her hand comes up to rest on her belly once again.
"You are going to be a little ball of energy, huh? I bet you and your Doda Tali will get along so well."
Ziva has just settled back down on the couch with the book and the sonogram when the door opens.
"Hey Zivi," Tali greets nonchalantly as she hangs up her winter coat on a hook and kicks off her boots.
"How was school?" Ziva asks, shutting the book and placing it on the end table.
"Good. We had a pop quiz in English, though," Tali gripes, walking over to the couch and sitting down on Ziva's left.
"How did you do?"
"Probably not very good. English is hard. Everything is spelled funny," she responds, wrinkling her nose. "Didn't you have a doctor's appointment?" A small smile appears on Ziva's face and she looks down at her lap.
"Yes. The baby is getting healthier. The doctor thinks I can carry the pregnancy to term." Ziva informs her little sister. "Would you like to see a picture?"
Tali's face lights up. "You have a picture? Lemme see!" she exclaims, smiling broadly.
Ziva grabs the book off of the end table and pulls out the sonogram, handing it to Tali to inspect.
"Ooo, Ziva…" Tali trails off, her finger tracing the baby's small features.
"I never imagined myself with a son," Ziva muses, tilting her head to the side.
"It's a boy?" Tali asks, surprised, looking up at her sister.
"Yes. I always pictured myself with a little girl, I guess I never really considered having a boy."
"To be honest, I didn't picture a boy either," Tali admits, stroking the picture gently.
"I… whenever I pictured him, I pictured a little girl. I pictured… I pictured you, I guess."
"I guess this will just be an interesting challenge, then." Tali leans over and rests her head on Ziva's shoulder. "He's so… tiny. Tiny baby. Tiny little boy. Pretty little boy," she coos. Ziva rests her head upon Tali's and her hand on her belly.
"Yes. Yes, he is. And he is going to be so loved. So, so loved…"
Tali smiles and moves her head from Ziva's shoulder, bringing it down and pressing a kiss to her abdomen before amending her sister's last statement.
"He already is."
…
Tony strolls into the diner that night and the first thing he notices about Ziva is the spring in her step.
"Someone's having a good day," he observes as he approaches the counter. She smiles.
"If you must know, I went to the doctor today," she informs him.
"Well I seem to recall the last time you went to the doctor you were not nearly this happy after. I take it there was good news," he deduces, pulling out a seat and plopping himself down.
"My baby is healthier. Things are looking up."
"That's definitely good news, then."
She reaches into her pocket and pulls out a small square, holding it out to him. "Would you like to see him?"
"Him? It's a boy?" Tony inquires, reaching out and taking the sonogram from her hand.
"Yes. It was not what I was expecting." Tony studies the black and white image, a small smile on his face.
"You're not upset about that, are you?"
"Of course not! I am just happy he is doing okay. I just want him to be healthy," Ziva responds.
"You know what you're gonna name him yet?" he wonders.
"I… no. Probably something Hebrew, but something that would fit in well in America. I… I had a few names for a girl, but I had not thought of boy names yet," she admits.
"What were the girl's names? Maybe there's some sort of male equivalent?" he suggests, handing the sonogram back to her. She slips it in her pocket and gets busy pouring him his drink.
"I… I was considering two, actually. Rivka— that… that was my mother's name," she informs him, and the significance of her revealing anything about her parents does not pass him by. She sits the glass down in front of him. "The other, was, uh… Lila."
"What's the significance of that one?" A part of him is angry at himself for asking that question. Is it too personal?
She hesitates, visibly. "I had a… a friend. Her name was Lila."
Tony can easily tell by her tone and body language that pressing into that subject is a bad idea. "Can you masculinize those? Like… Rivk…o? Or… Lilo? Are those even names?"
She smirks, and Tony knows that his attempts and silliness have successfully alleviated the previous serious tone of their conversation. "I am fairly certain that those are both still girls' names. Besides, I do not want to name my son after a woman. I will think of something."
Your father, Tony wants to say, but a little something called common sense stops him. If Ziva's father as a namesake was even slightly an option, it would have been the first thing she thought of. No, Ziva's father is obviously not a man that she respects or loves.
This, of course, only makes him more curious about the man and Ziva's past. He tries so hard to not care where she came from or why she's here—does it really make any difference?—but he cannot stifle his curiosity.
And it's hard, but for Ziva's sake, he does not ask. He forces his mind to leave that train of thought and focus on something else. Since it is his M.O., he cracks a joke.
"Ya know, you could always name him Tony."
"Ha!" she scoffs. "What a thought."
"Fine. If you don't want your son to have the coolest name ever, then that's your problem."
"Coolest name ever?"
"Yeah! I mean, did you know that if you separate it it's two parts of the body?" he informs her. "Toe," he points to his foot. "And knee."
She chuckles. "What a fascinating piece of trivia."
"I'm full of fascinating trivia."
"I bet you are. Too bad you do not use your brain for storing useful knowledge," she teases. Tony just smirks.
What a relationship they have.
A/N: I think a couple of apologies are in order. First— sorry about that flashback, but I just didn't have energy. Second— I'm so sorry that it's been almost a month. These last few weeks have been… difficult. It's been hard to think about writing since the news. And then I've been busy campaigning…
I also changed my penname. I don't know if you noticed. It's now my Tumblr URL.
I know some of you had your heart set on a girl. Sorry to those people, but it was always going to be a boy. A girl is too cliché and has been overdone. I felt this was a refreshing change from the usual. Hopefully it's not a deal breaker for anyone.
Such a wonderful response to the last chapter! First and foremost I'd like to thank never-give-up-hope2 for reviewing EVERY SINGLE CHAPTER at once. That was incredible. Also my profuse thanks to Christinou, Abby, prince-bishop, shortcake99, Angelhaggis, aquasm, middawn, NCIStiva3, NCIS Ziva Dinozzo, dvd123, Nanoushka, theroseshadow21, bex19, xncisgirlx16, and JG for the fantastic reviews!