A/N: Aww don't I treat you well… another chapter to make up for the previous long delay in posting. Thanks to all reading, especially you lovely reviewers for your kind words. Enjoy…
Chapter Twenty Six - Run
It was the first day back in the studio after the holidays and Karen was dreading the inevitable atmosphere, but she was dying to dance. The two weeks off had left her stressed and wound up, she missed the release a day in this mirrored room gave her. Pouring all her anger and worry into the songs, pushing everything she could into the movements. It was 8:45am and people were just arriving, Karen was already changed and stretching out at the back of the room. She was flexing her limbs, getting them warm for the day. She knew by the end of rehearsal she'd be exhausted; she was counting on it. Because currently every time she closed her eyes her mind went into overdrive.
She couldn't sleep, she could hardly sit still. Karen and Derek hadn't spoken at all since Ana's birthday party. She knew he'd seen her kiss Jax. He had been watching but she did it anyway. She wanted him to feel how she felt; after all she wasn't the one doing anything wrong. Karen wasn't committed to anyone.
Derek and Daisy hadn't stayed around much later at the party, excusing themselves around 12:30. Karen on the other hand spent the evening drinking. She made out with Jax a couple of more times the tipsier she got. But eventually she realized it wasn't making her feel better at all, it just made her more upset with herself.
When Derek had kissed her in her room her whole body felt alive. And then it was over and she had to watch him be with Daisy. That's when the guilt started to creep in. Karen couldn't believe they'd taken it as far as sneaking off while Daisy was in the very next room. But deep down, at night, when she lay awake and thought about it properly she could believe it. Because Karen was a wreck, she was incapable at a normal relationship she always had been. She was used to being ruthless and playing fast and loose with other people's emotions as well as her own. She was a real bitch at times. But the reason she couldn't close her eyes and enjoy some peace was because she had realized Derek and her were doomed. If he was willing to lie and cheat, why would she think they would ever be anything more or different? And if she was crazy and reckless how would they ever be in a relationship? Over the last few days Karen had made her decision, her and Derek had to stop. He didn't need to ruin his relationship, upheave his entire life and put the show in jeopardy for her. Not that she was even sure that's what he would do. But she had decided she needed to tell Derek that she didn't want him, couldn't be what he wanted. She was unstable, neurotic and a flight risk. He didn't need that. She couldn't be with any man because she didn't trust anyone, and there were secrets. A lot of them, buried deep down inside of her, secrets she would never be able to share.
Karen was pulled from her thoughts of absolution by Jimmy sitting down on the floor next to her.
"Hey Kid, how's tricks?" he asked, tickling the back of her leg she had stretched out next to him. Karen just shrugged in response. "Well I'm glad to see you're so thrilled to be back in the studio." Jimmy laughed before frowning when she didn't join in. He reached out and took hold of her hand, his voice taking on a slightly more serious tone. "Karen," he paused for her to look up at him but she didn't. "Karen," he tried again, and this time she relented and met his gaze, "what's wrong? Something's been bothering you for days now, weeks, I can tell. I don't want to push but I'm worried about you."
"What's wrong with me," Karen repeated with a cynical, single laugh. The noise was bitter and it didn't suit her at all. "Everything is wrong with me Jimmy, you know this. I'm always going to be wrong. I'm damaged goods, we both are, or have you forgotten that?" Karen pulled away from him, standing up to make space between them before he could respond.
Jimmy was taken aback by the anger in her voice but he recognized the start of something bad. He sensed something had been building with her for the last couple of weeks and he was worried what would happen if he pulled it to the foreground. Karen was erratic, and it wasn't unknown for her to go off the rails. He wanted to prevent it, but he could see the storm on the horizon.
Jimmy was about to try and talk to his best friend again when they were interrupted by their director calling them up for the start of the day.
The day's rehearsal had come to an end and the cast had left the studio for the day. Derek was just flicking through some notes for the next day's schedule, still sat at the table next to the mirror-lined wall. He was trying to concentrate but his mind was stuck on other problems. Karen, mainly.
She had been phenomenal in the studio on their first day back. She was powerful and committed to everything: she had been like a force of nature. But this scared him, she was so heightened, so intense during the work but in between she seemed exhausted and sad. The younger girl had barely spoken to Jimmy all day, and there was a tension in their duet scenes. As for how she acted towards Derek, well she was nothing but professional and aloof, but that hurt him all the same as when she ignored him.
He had thought they'd become close at work, friends even, before Christmas. But that night had changed everything for them and then New Year's Eve – well that had been something else entirely. He watched her, the look on face as she kissed the dancer kid. She was doing it on purpose, and he couldn't blame her. Derek has messed things up by showing up with Daisy. There was having an affair and not realizing the effects and then there was showing up at your lover's apartment hand in hand with your fiancé. Derek was such a prat!
However, that night had made him recognize something he needed to. He didn't love Daisy and he couldn't force himself to. He needed to break it off with her…he just needed to do it in the right way at the right time. Daisy being in the production complicated things slightly. They were two and a half weeks from the workshop performance and hopefully shortly after that they would be moving the show out of town to Boston for a six week run. He really needed Daisy not to freak out and pull a Diva, ironically, in between that time. He wasn't sure what would transpire between him and Karen. He knew he wanted her, desperately. He felt things for that girl he'd never felt for anyone in his life but there was a thousand reasons why they wouldn't work. He didn't want to think about those right now though. He just wanted to feel free, to be able to go home at night and not be in a constant level of guilt and regret. He needed to sort out his personal life. He was a 39-year-old man for Christ sakes.
It was getting late, out of the studio windows the sky was dull and grey and the lights illuminated the growing clouds. There was a rumble of thunder, he could hear it, muted though through the glass. The rain hadn't arrived yet, but it wouldn't be long. Derek began packing up his things to try and make it into a cab and back to his apartment before the approaching downpour when the studio door swung open. Jimmy poked his head into the room, Derek was surprised to see the young writer, knowing everyone had left the rehearsal space hours ago. "Hey man sorry, didn't realize it was you still here," Jimmy said and made to leave.
"Can I help you with something Jimmy?" Derek asked, curious as to why he was here at all.
Jimmy hesitated, then he walked back into the room, towards Derek, then he just came out with it, "have you seen Karen?"
Derek frowned, his first thought was shit why is he asking me, then he arrived at the reasonable conclusion that Karen may come to the studio out of hours. He was there right now; it wasn't that much of a leap to think she stayed late on occasion to carry on rehearsing. "No, I haven't," Derek replied. He would have been happy to leave it there but the concerned look crinkling Jimmy's face wouldn't let him. "Why, should she be here?"
Jimmy ran his hand across his eyes, the guy seemed pretty stressed. "Nah man, don't worry about it. Ana just said she hadn't come home yet, I assumed she was still working. I was just checking for Awn before my shift starts tonight. No worries though, Karen's probably gone out with friends and just forget to mention it," Jimmy explained.
But Derek wasn't convinced, "Well have you called her? Besides, she's a big girl I'm sure she can take care of herself."
Now Jimmy looked a little pissed off. "Thanks for your input Derek, but you don't need to talk to me about looking after Karen. I've seen the way you look at her. I don't know what's going on between you two but you need to back off." Jimmy stopped before he got himself in too deep.
"She's my lead Jimmy, that's all. There's nothing going on. If you don't remember mate, I'm engaged. I think you've met my fiancé," Derek replied sardonically. However he toned down the mean streak in his voice before delivering his next line. "If I see her, I'll tell her you were looking for her," Derek told the younger man. Because at the end of the day Jimmy was right, Derek didn't know enough about Karen. He wanted to but neither of them were the sort to open up willingly. He did know though that Jimmy was concerned about her right now. "Please let me know if you don't hear from her also," Derek said with finality as he moved to leave the studio.
Ana tried calling her friend again, for around the 20th time. It was passed midnight now, Karen hadn't mentioned anything about being late back from rehearsal nor had she mentioned plans to go anywhere. In fact the last Ana had heard from her roommate was that she'd meet her back home.
Karen had been acting weird all day, she'd been crazy good in rehearsal, she always gave the show her all, but Ana had noticed her seclusion in between the routines. In fact Karen had been acting weird since Christmas. Ana had known the girl for years, there were times like this when they were back in college that Karen would disappear. It wasn't often, once in every four or five months if that. The feisty brunette girl would retreat into herself and drop of the radar and then reappear in a couple of days back to normal and would never mention that anything had been wrong at all.
When Ana first noticed her friends odd behaviour she probably wouldn't have thought anything bad about it, but Jimmy had shown up at Ana's parent's home. She was 19, almost 20 and in the first semester of their first year at college. Ana and Karen had become fast friends in class but Ana knew very little about Karen's life outside of acting in an Am/dram group and going to school together. She knew where she lived, and had been over to Karen's home once or twice, though they mainly hung out at Ana's house.
Ana also knew Karen lived with a guy called Jimmy, she'd seen him in passing. She'd assumed at the time that Karen and Jimmy were together, and Karen didn't correct her at first other than to say they'd known each other for many years, but had only moved in together for her to go to school. Ana knew that was a bit of a lie now, Karen had told her snippets of Jimmy and her past together – both being foster kids and that they met in a kids home. She told her they were best friends, and stayed in touch always even when they were moved around. Ana thought there was a bit more to the story – a lot more – but she'd never pushed for it.
That day Jimmy had shown up on her doorstep she wasn't surprised he knew where she lived. Jimmy had picked Karen up or dropped her off at Ana's all the time. She was surprised by his frantic behaviour. It made her worried.
Jimmy called round looking for Karen. Ana had assumed her friend was sick, she'd been out that day in class and missed rehearsals for the play they were in at the time. Ana had tried to call her but heard nothing back. Jimmy had told Ana that he and Karen had had an argument and he'd upset her. He just wanted to find her and apologize. Jimmy told the smaller girl as they sat on the doorstep of her house not to worry about Karen that she'd be off with one of their friends and her phone had probably died. He'd shrugged it off as Karen playing the dramatics and giving him the cold shoulder – but Ana could feel the worry emanating from his body.
She'd played along and agreed that Karen would come round soon enough and if he grovelled she'd forgive him quickly. However, in reality Ana hadn't slept all that night after Jimmy left. She'd tried texting and calling her new friend, worried about her welfare. Karen finally replied about two days later; Ana received a text telling her she was fine, and that she'd been pissed off at Jimmy and lost her phone. Ana let it go, the two girls saw each other the next day in rehearsal and pretended nothing odd had happened in the last few days.
Ana forgot about that night. Karen had disappeared for a few hours at a time when she should have been at events with friends from college but never for an extended period of time like then. Ana found herself making excuse for her best friend whenever she flaked out on plans they had with others but Karen always at least text Ana to let her know. She didn't leave her hanging.
The two girls became very close and Karen divulged small things about her life to Ana. She'd not had a nice childhood that was for sure. Ana left it at that though and instead, with her opposing overly friendly family, invited Karen in to be a part of it with her. Since Ana had been dating Jimmy she'd found out more about his past, where he was born, where he grew up and the like, by extension she'd learnt more about Karen and Jimmy's past before they lived in Chicago. Nowadays she was so used to their odd behaviour, she barely noticed the weird looks her pair of friends gave each other. But lately Karen had been reminiscent of days early in their friendship. Her best friend was a phenomenal actress, but those skills were born from heartache and the ability to experience massive emotions. Karen was wild and crazy and at times hard to handle. But Ana loved her like a sister, she always would.
Ana was perched on the edge of her bed, sending yet another text to Karen this time telling her how pissed off she was with her. Ana ended her text with a string of capital letters telling Karen to call one of them now. She headed into the living room, taking her duvet with her, prepared for a night of waiting up on the sofa until Karen got herself together and came home.
A/N: So a little more about Karen and Jimmy, but where had she gone now and what will happen next ?! Thanks for reading. Xx Sparks