Chapter 26: Epilogue
Ser Dickslayer looks from side to side. The Interdimensional Ripping Sphere Mark II has brought him to the Great Sept of Baelor correctly. Time has been frozen once again, and is is free to do as he wishes with the body of the dead King. He has guzzled down two bottles in quick succession, and the pressure is growing.
Ser Dickslayer skips over to the platform bearing the body of the hated bastard King. He respectfully removes the Valyrian sword, Widow's Wail, from Joffrey and lays it across the platform vertically. He doesn't need to take the sword; one is enough for him. Standing straight and with hard eyes, he unzips his jeans and pisses upon the corpse of King Joffrey Baratheon.
Zipping his fly and turning around, Ser Dickslayer walks back into the Interdimensional Ripping Sphere Mark II and shuts the door behind him. His partner has entered the room, a short, bespectacled boy wearing a pink ball cap and sporting an unshaved face. He looks down at the pieces of the boy King on the floor and wrinkles his nose at the smell. "You know you're cleaning that up yourself, right?"
Ser Dickslayer nods, and the boy continues, "You let Melisandre drown in my bathtub and you left Ramsay on my living room floor...God, I never thought I'd get the blood out of the rug. What did you do to him, anyway?" Ser Dickslayer chuckles before replying, "Trust me, Black Jellyfish, you do not want me to answer that question. It would give even you nightmares."
Black Jellyfish wearily scratches at his head. "So I guess you got your playtime with Joffrey's body, eh?" Ser Dickslayer looks back at the door before turning back to Black Jellyfish and nodding. "I hated him as much as anyone else. A smug little shit, acting high and mighty and always losing a confrontation. I know you feel the same way."
Black Jellyfish nods. "Yeah. Joffrey was stupid and sadistic and weak...and he was probably one of the best characters in Game of Thrones." A moment of silence. Then Ser Dickslayer blurts out, "What?!"
Black Jellyfish nods. "You never tire of despising Joffrey for his arrogance and cruelty. You always cheer when Tyrion slaps him or when fate brings him down a peg. All over YouTube, you can find videos of people cheering over the simultaneous justice and brutality as he dies, choking on poisoned wine. Joffrey is perhaps the best example of the 'spoiled and sadistic ruler' archetype in our generation. And Jack Gleeson was able to perfectly portray him."
Black Jellyfish sighs, "It's a real shame that Jack has given up on acting. If you can make millions of people cheer for the humiliation and death of one of your characters, and a child character no less, then you are very likely one of the greatest actors in the world."
Ser Dickslayer stands still for a moment before shaking his head and brushing his way past Black Jellyfish. "I'm still bored." he says. "Where is the pair of pliers and blowtorch? I want more 'playtime' with Joffrey."
"In the cabinet under the main control panel," Black Jellyfish says with a shrug. "Have fun."
(Author's Notes: 25 Ways of Killing Joffrey Baratheon has finally come to end! I had so much fun writing this and I cannot believe that I ended up with 21,000+ views for my first fic! I would like to thank you all for your support, reviews, and encouragement during the writing of this story. Enjoy the rest of the summer!)