One Month Later

Addison leaned her head back against her porch swing, settling into the cushion as she let her eyes slide shut. With her face tilted upwards, she could feel the wind as it rushed from one side of the porch to the other. "Why?" she whispered, letting the word wander off to no one in the breeze. "Why does God take some children and leave others behind. Why? How is that fair?"

"God doesn't take people. People do that all on their own."

The swing shifted as it adjusted to Alex's weight.

"God doesn't take people," he repeated.

"Some things you can't forget though," Addison said. "They're just too bad, or too deep. But if you can learn to see past them and move…I have to explain to my daughter every day why it is that she is still here, and her friends are not. I have to live with every day with the fact that my daughter is even still here, while the children of my best friends aren't. I have to be grateful for Lanie at the same time as I feel this overwhelming…guilt." After a breath, Addison continued, "It changed everything. How I view the world, myself, my friends…I haven't known how to act in a world where I have this kind of burden; this responsibility."

Alex draped his arm around Addison's shoulders and drew her in towards his chest. "I get it. I wish you didn't take it all on yourself, but I get it."

"I wish that we were all the way that we used to be, but…I don't think we can go back there. We can't ever have that time back."

"You're right," Alex whispered. "But it doesn't mean that you can't make…new…" He rolled his eyes, continuing, "I have no idea what I'm trying to say…Just…Why can't you still have a relationship, just…a different kind?"

"It's different now," Addison insisted stubbornly. "Harder."

"Since when do you quit trying just because something is hard?"

"I don't. I never have before."

"Exactly. So why start now?"

OooooooooooooooooooO

Izzie was sitting under the patio umbrella in her backyard, her gaze drifting off into space, when Meredith stuck her head over the back gate and called, "You mind if I let myself in?"

Shaking her head, Izzie reached out and took another sip of her lemonade.

"I've started going back to work," Meredith said.

"I haven't been ready yet," Izzie replied. "I might not."

"It's okay if you don't."

"Not forever," Izzie said adamantly. "The money I have now won't last me that long."

When Addison let herself in the same back gate Meredith had just entered by and crossed the backyard towards them, neither Izzie nor Meredith really reacted.

"Hey," Addison said quietly, looking both of them in the eye. When neither of them showed any negative reaction, she slowly lowered herself into the remaining chair.

"Hi," Izzie said.

"I'm sorry for being such a…bitch," Addison said. "Of all of us, I had the least excuse. You didn't deserve that."

"Maybe in a way we sort of did," Meredith offered.

"No."

Izzie went into her house and came out with two more glasses of lemonade, which she set down in front of her friends. After they had sipped at their drinks for several minutes in silence, she quietly said, "We aren't ever going to be what we were, are we?"

"I doubt it," Meredith answered. "There's a huge hole where the rest of our lives used to be."

"It's sort of like waking up one morning and realizing that you have everything, only to turn around for one second, blink, and realize that you suddenly have nothing at all and are back to where you started from," Addison whispered. "It only took one second." She reached out and took one of Izzie's hands in her right, and one of Meredith's hands in her left as Izzie swiped at a tear trailing down her cheek.

"If I wouldn't have blinked, if I wouldn't have turned away…if I would have been a better mother, been there for Doug, been holding his hand…"

"The past is passed, Iz. I wish we could go back, but we can't. We can only go forward." Addison gave Izzie's hand a quick squeeze.

Setting down her glass, Meredith joined hands with Izzie, "But…it doesn't mean we can't still be friends, it's just…a different thing now. Am I right?"

"We will always be there for each other," Addison affirmed.

"I can't help but feel if I would have been stronger, if I would have raised him better…" Izzie cried. "I…"

"Shush," Addison said. "We can't go back, we can't change the past. But we can be there for each other now, and that's what counts."

They settled back into their chairs, watching as the sun slowly went down on the horizon, and waited for the sunset to usher in the next stage of their lives.