Warning: sexual content in some form or another, could be considered a little more graphic than usual

"Hey John, you seen Kate around?"

Locke smirked visibly, wielding his knife as he made easy swipes against his stubble with the long blade.

"What?" Jack asked, huffing a bit from the walk.

Locke shook his head, grin still stretched. "Kate just came by asking for you, too."

Jack eyed the tree line of the clearing. If he hurried, maybe he could catch up with her.

"Did you see which way she went?"

"Playing hide and seek?" Locke joked. He set down the long blade on the rock he was propped against. He took a long damp towel that hung from his pocket and used it to dab at his freshly shorn cheeks.

"The beach maybe?" Jack pointed behind him, clearly not amused.

Locke eyed Jack closely, the familiar look of study and analysis making Jack squirm.

"I told Kate something I don't think she liked hearing much, Jack."

Jack tensed, shifting his weight and setting his hands on his hips, waiting for Locke to continue.

"I told her how surprised I was that she could settle down with you. That she could settle down with someone like you. A man of science, a leader—a man who likes control. I told her I was surprised she'd let herself get tied down that way. "

Jack shook his head, frustrated with Locke's unpredictability and cryptic behavior.

"Why the hell would you tell her something like that? Why would you even think it at all?" Jack snarled.

Locke shrugged, looking innocent. "It was just an observation."

Jack snorted. "Well, you can keep your observations to yourself. What goes on between me and Kate is not even close to being any of your concern."

Locke laughed.

"What?" Jack practically barked.

"You two said the same things, but I can't help but wondering if you both don't secretly agree with me."

Jack watched him a second, his jaw clenching tight before he stormed off back towards the beach. He'd wait a while before he went after Kate.

It was raining so hard outside that Jack had to pull over to the side of the road to let the worst of it pass. When he thought Iowa—it didn't include torrential downpours in the middle of June. The windshield wipers whisked away the water, but not fast enough.

Miles of farmland. Cows. Fields. All spread out in full-fledge Iowa farmland basking in the summer heat. Jack missed living in a city and practicing medicine and his mother and the few friends he had left. Iowa wasn't for him. But neither was L.A. Not without Kate.

He hadn't made any friends in Iowa. Not that a few months really qualified him as a townie—so he wasn't expecting any real shows of welcoming. Dr. Gorman had left him a few messages over the past couple months. Once asking him to dinner. Another time for coffee. He'd called her back and explained that he couldn't, was quite busy with securing the transfer from St. Sebastian's to the local Skillet County Memorial Hospital. That securing the rental on the house would take time. And moving from L.A.

Dr. Gorman—Marie—had seemed to understand the subtext. That he wasn't interested.

But it was lonely. Sometimes Jack wished he'd never taken Kate cross country. Then maybe she wouldn't have been caught. He wished a lot of things these days.

He headed home after the rain eased up. He grabbed the mail and slipped off his shoes after he'd made it inside the door—not wanting to track mud across the hardwood.

He flipped perfunctorily through the few envelopes. Bills and junk, then a fine handwritten scrawl, a bit splotched by rain. Kate.

He tossed the other letters down on the kitchen counter, took out a knife and slit open the top of Kate's letter. It'd been two weeks since the exam. And she'd had to miss the last two visits so that she could meet with her therapist after he'd rescheduled. And now her letter was half open in his hands. He yanked out the letter and out fell a square, grainy black and white picture. The baby.

Jack,

I bet I know what you're thinking. I know—I'm not much for letter writing or any other kind of writing, I guess, but I wanted to send you these and to let you know I'm okay.

I'm sorry I had to miss the last two visitations. The shrink said it was 'imperative' that the sessions be rescheduled. He just happened to pick the worst possible times. You don't know how much I look forward to seeing you every Wednesday and every Friday. Every time our half hour is up I feel like I'm diving back underwater and seeing you every week is the only time I get to breathe. But don't worry about me here. I made a friend. Her name is Marge and she's probably as old as my mom would be. She's pretty nice…she's been here a long time. It's good to talk to someone who isn't trying to psychoanalyze me. It's nice to just not worry or miss you all the time.

I know I said I hated it that you rented the house, but I guess you're right. You can't raise a baby in hotel room and I know you're not gonna go back to Los Angeles while I'm still stuck in here, no matter what I say. But Jack, you have to promise me you won't paint her room pink. I know I'm not around to make all these very, very important decisions like what diaper brand to put on her, what's for breakfast, and what kind of duck wallpaper to spend hours hanging—but please, no pink.

I was thinking—I know they said a year and three months after the parole hearing, but what happens if I don't make parole? I should start lying to my shrink just so he can think he's making some big breakthrough and then he'll give the review board a good report. That I'm a reformed criminal or some bullshit. I've been thinking about the sentencing and parole board a lot but I was too scared to talk to you about in person without crying. Sometimes I think this is all too much and I might just die inside here. I spent so much of my life running from exactly where I am.

Mostly things are good, I miss you and I decided I want the baby to have your straight hair. I don't think any living thing deserves the burden of dealing with the mess of hair I have. I hope you're okay. Send me pictures of the house, and of you—so I can keep them here along with the baby's. I'll see you soon.

Love,

Kate

Jack read through it a second and third time before he folded it and examined every inch of the baby's sonogram picture. The letter had ended abruptly, like Kate had gotten caught up and then tugged suddenly away. He could almost hear her voice reading it to him, like in a movie narration. He took the single magnet from the fridge—shaped like a house with the real estate agency's information inside—and pegged the letter up. That night when he went to bed he set the baby's picture leaning up against the bedside lamp so it'd be the first thing he'd see when he woke up. Sam. No pink.

"Want some fruit salad?" Kate asked innocently, proffering the crude bowl to Jack, but he only shook his head, eyes hard with concentration. He sat down heavily next to her, eyes still steely and not meeting hers.

Kate let the bowl sit on the kitchen station's table. "What is it?" She asked carefully leaning towards him, her eyes darting around to the outside of the station, watching who was around.

"Did Locke talk to you?" Jack asked suddenly, eyes flying up to hers. Kate sat back.

"Did he talk to you?" Kate asked.

Jack smiled faintly and lopsidedly, a bit of tension easing out of him and the muscles of his neck.

"Yeah. About the same thing."

Kate looked surprised for a moment before blowing a wild curl away from her face.

"That's Locke for you." Kate tried.

Jack nodded, picking at his fingernail. "Do you think he's right? Do you feel tied down by me?"

Kate snorted. "Since when did you start taking what Locke says seriously?"

Jack looked at her hard. "Answer the question."

Kate's back straightened. "Why should I? Why would I even be with you if that's how I felt?"

Jack's eyes wavered but he didn't lose the aggression in them.

"Jack, I'm not sure how many more accusations I can take before I actually start to feel guilty for things I haven't even done."

"Since when do you feel guilty about anything?" Jack spat back without thinking, regretting it instantly when the hurt lanced across her face.

She leaned close to him, voice low and harsh. "When you feel like acting rationally and getting your head out of your ass, why don't you come find me."

Kate let her eyes bore into his a moment longer before turning on her heel and striding off towards the jungle, sand kicking up behind her determined strides.

Jack let the hot water rush onto his back and work to uncoil the tension in his neck. The water in the rental house sometimes ran cold at odd moments, and he knew the shower leaked—another problem he'd have to fix—but he'd been in bed for two hours tossing and turning and he hoped that a warm shower might calm him down.

His left hand itched at his side. He thought of Kate—the way her eyes looked sleepy in the mornings and how warm her body was, how her leg would somehow get pressed in between his, the top of her thigh rubbing into him and making him wake up with a grunt every morning.

He thought of her cooking and the way her tank top would ride up when she reached for something up high. He thought of her getting out of the shower and how she'd let him unknot the towel and press her back into the wall, his knee nudging between hers and his hands slipping up her sides until she whimpered and begged him to kiss her, begged him to touch her, how she'd beg him until finally she'd take his hand and guide it just to where she wanted him. He'd laugh into her mouth and she'd buck her hips into his hand while her forehead rested in the crook of his neck—her mouth breathing out quick puffs of hot air against his collarbone while he worked her.

Jack felt the heat in him rise in tune with the movement of his hand. He put out his right hand to balance himself against the cold tile as he grew more frantic, hotter. He thought of them reading the paper in the mornings back in his L.A. apartment. How he'd went to refill his coffee and Kate had crept behind him, hands slithering around to loosen the string on his pajama bottoms. He remembered how he'd turned, surprised, and she'd shoved him back into the counter, body sliding down his deliciously until she'd kneeled preciously in front of him, instructing him to close his eyes and not make a sound while her mouth found him and his hands had curled into her air—coffee forgotten.

Jack came with a shout and slapped a blunt palm against the slick tile wall while he shuddered. Just as soon as he came down from his high he felt guilty and worse than before.

He slipped back into bed, not bothering to dress or dry off. He felt the sheets cling to him and found he could sleep less now than he could before.

He wondered if Kate was lonely the way he was lonely and what she did about it if she was. Just as quickly as the thoughts arose he shoved them purposefully away—the image of them making him grown warm again.

"Sam." He said out loud, testing the sound. "Samantha."

"Katherine Shepherd." He tried. "Mrs. Dr. Jack Shepherd." He laughed at that one.

"Kate Shepherd." That sounded best, he decided.

He got up and flicked the light on, rustling around the bedside table's drawer and yanking out a notebook and pencil, both inscribed with the real estate company's insignia—again.

Kate

I miss you. I thought of you tonight over and over again and wished you were here. I wouldn't even mind it if I was there, as long as I could be with you. Can you imagine? I don't think I ever used to sound this romantic before I met you.

I don't know why I'm writing if I'm going to see you tomorrow at the visitation. After a few weeks we'll be able to meet in the regular visiting quarters instead of through glass. I don't know why it takes so long to get clearance for stupid stuff like this. Maybe I'm just ego-tripping. I am a doctor, you know.

Speaking of which, I think the transfer has finally been processed at the local hospital. Maybe you won't like my asking but did Tom work there? It's not L.A. but I guess you don't need a big city to treat patients.

The more and more I think about it, the more I like the name Sam—Samantha. If it's a boy (even though I don't think so) what will we name him then? I promise no pink. Maybe yellow? You can choose when you come home. I'll take pictures of the house tomorrow. Every room. A couple of our bedroom so you can start getting ideas—I know I have.

Kate, I don't want you to give up. I think if you really try in your therapy sessions you could get something out of it. And if cooperating will get you out sooner then that's what you should do. Every time you're lonely or going crazy, just remember what's waiting for you, and just touch the baby and think about what our future is going to be like. Full of soccer games, ballet classes, mini-vans and camping trips. And sex. Lots and lots of sex. (I just remembered that the prison probably scans these…oops.)

I miss you more than you know. I think about you all the time. I don't feel like unpacking a single box until you get here. Be safe and healthy. I'll see you soon. I love you.

Jack

P.S – When you get out, you're going to get the best massage you've ever had.

Jack set the pen down and read through the letter again. Erasing all the cross outs and making it look neat. His doctor's scrawl would have to do.

He slept better that night, until morning—then it all started again.

"Room for two?" Jack asked through the tarp on Kate's tent, trying his best to sound innocent and apologetic all at once. Kate didn't seem to buy into it too fast.

"Have you retracted your claws?" She called back.

Jack laughed and ducked his head.

"Claws retracted, yeah."

"Come in then."

Jack lifted the flap and Kate was there, back settled against one wall of her shelter and her legs spread out in front of her, feet buried in the sand and her chin almost touching her chest. She looked up at Jack moodily and he sidled into the tent, crouching and then sitting up on his knees. He waved an absent hand in front of him, unsure of how to begin.

"Hey."

Kate smirked. "If I had a coconut for every time someone started an apology that way…"

Jack smiled. "You're right. I'm apologizing. I was out of line."

Kate seemed more interested at this, shifting to sit up a bit and raising an eyebrow.

Jack took this as a cue to continue. "I shouldn't have…what John said was ridiculous and I shouldn't have bought into it and then turned on you like that. And then gone after you about," he motioned awkwardly, "your past."

Kate fidgeted. "Yeah, well." She mumbled under her breath, fingernails picking out the flecks of sand that had combed into her shirt.

Jack sighed. "So, I'm sorry. I messed up."

Kate eyed him, and finally sat up. "It's okay." Jack smiled and crawled closer to her until their shoulders brushed and he settled back next to her.

"I'm sorry, too." Kate said softly and Jack looked at her questioningly.

"Kate, don't—this was my—"

"No, just listen," she started, raising a hand to stop him, "when you asked me about what Locke said…"

She fidgeted, picking at a hole at the knee in her jeans. "I guess I got so mad because maybe a little bit of what he said was true."

She felt Jack tense next to her, ready to attack. "But it's not you that makes me feel tied down, and tied down isn't even the right word," she said quickly, feeling Jack halt and let her finish. "It's just that…I'm not used to sharing anything with anybody. It's always just me, and being with you now—here—it's not just like dating out in the real world. I could never escape you here, we could never not work out. It would be it. And Locke was right—that is settling down."

"Escape me?" Jack said hatefully and Kate shut her eyes.

"I mean it's a bigger deal on the island. Not to mention if we, when we," she amended and motioned between them, "there's nothing to protect us. And a baby? Jesus, Jack. That's a big deal."

Jack seemed to consider this, quiet, and Kate waited in suspense for the blow she anticipated.

"I want to be with you, but you just have to understand…me. I'm giving myself to you by being with you, and all the sudden I want to. I just don't know what happens after I do. And that scares me."

Jack was quiet, unmoving another moment and Kate felt like tearing through the tarp of her shelter and running away. Down the beach to nowhere until there was nothing but rocks, trees, and sand and she could disappear into one of them.

"I think I could be with you forever." Jack said carefully after a long minute. He was looking straight ahead, but he could feel Kate's body stiffen next to his and he turned to face her. "I don't want you to hold back and I don't want you to feel stifled or tied down—then you wouldn't be you." Jack said with a lopsided grin and reached out to tuck a curl behind her ear.

"And I'm…I'm scared, too. But let's be scared together if that means you won't run from this. I don't want you to get half way in and then go, find someone else, break it off. If you're going all in, then I am too. But let's really do it, let's not kid ourselves."

Jack thought it might have been the best thing he'd ever said to a woman, and he was ready to revel in Kate's wonder at his words, but she ducked her head and when she looked up to meet his eyes again she had a laugh stretched into her grin.

"That was pretty damn poetic. Like something right out of Jerry McGuire."

Jack look stunned a moment before laughing loud and kissing her. She pressed close to him, mouth moving under his until his opened wider, letting her tongue sweep inside and slide around with his, making his skin crawl with the desire to touch her. She pulled back after a moment, lips swollen and moist.

"We should go make out in front of Locke and then see what he has to say." Kate joked, and Jack drew her closer, pressing her down into the sand with his weight atop hers.

"I think we should make out right here and then go beat up John a little later…after I've ravished you senseless."

"Ravished is a pretty strong word. Think you can live up to the hype?" Kate teased, nipping at his bottom lip while he adjusted himself to lie over her, body heat molding into hers deliciously.

Her hands snaked around his back just over the top of his jeans and he felt like groaning loud, but held it in.

"Just watch me. You might learn a thing or two."

Kate laughed and Jack took the opportunity to dip his mouth down to hers and steal her breath right from her with a long exhale into his mouth, and he found—with a smirk against her lips—that it was his new favorite sound.

Tried a few new things in this chapter, hope you liked it! Thanks to Athena Alexandria for a great suggestion! And for the reviewer wondering, I actually was in Costa Rica! It was gorgeous there and we caught some good waves after a few days of pretty flat waters. Always cool to meet a fellow surfer--where are you from?

More soon since I'm home now! Please review, please please! Loved 'em last time, and looking for some more!