Author's Note: (1) I'm starting to go back through If to look for errors and the like. Nothing will change content wise, just looking for typos and the like. (2) Check out easyasbreathing(dot)ning(dot)com ! It's an awesome site for Team Jacob and Taysten fans. There's fanfiction, videos, pictures, podcasts... all sorts of fun. (3) If updates are now happening on the Easy as Breathing site the Friday before I post them here on Sundays, complete with pictures and occasionally video. (4) I am working on a few more Twilight stories. Two are going to be a bit shorter and I may begin posting those before If finishes: Hold Me Close One Last Time (which will only be a handful of chapters long, max of 10, probably more like 7-8), and Night Wind (based on a poem by Emily Bronte, planning on a chapter per stanza, so 9 chapters). Then there's a lengthier one in the If series (not a sequel) called If: Hidden Moon that I'm going to get to once If is complete. There's also another I started even before I began If, so I'm not sure if it will get done, but I hope to, called Angel of Darkness. It's the only one I'm working on that isn't a Jacob/Bella fic!

July 2006

Forks, Washington – Bella

Jake was gone when I woke up, but the spot next to me was still warm. He'd stayed the whole night. I smiled softly, and allowed myself to linger for a few long moments, to give myself a chance to be fortified by the warmth, love, and sheer happiness of the dream – fortified against the sadness of having to bid friends farewell, and not know how long it would be before I could see them again.

I drew in a long breath, then rose to get ready for the day, torn between hurrying so I could see them sooner, and taking it slow in hopes that the day would creep by.

When I got downstairs, my father had already left for work, but on the counter was a white restaurant take-out box. "Dad..." I hadn't felt at all hungry in the face of what the day would bring, but I had to smile at my father's quiet show of affection. So I took the box over to the kitchen table, sat down, and ate.

I was about to head out the door when there was a knock, and I discovered Alice there. "I was about to come see you guys."

"And just how were you getting there?"

"My truck...?" I ventured, confused.

"Bella, your left leg is broken."

"You push the gas and brake with your right... Ohh..." I blushed in embarrassment. "My truck's a stick, it has a clutch..."

She laughed. "Oh, Bella! I'm going to miss you!" Then she helped me out to the car.

"Very sneaky, with the comb, by the way."

She grinned. "I thought so. But the flower really was from me... I figured you'd had enough expensive gifts from me. The comb was from Jaz, something he's had since the Civil War, but wasn't really to my tastes. You seem to appreciate old-fashioned things more than I do."

"I do?" I considered this.

"Well, you like Edward," she pointed out with a giggle. "And you're apparently still no fan of modern fashion, I see..." She pointedly eyed the outfit I'd chosen.

I had in fact work a blouse that Alice had picked out for me on our shopping trip, but I'd forgone any skirt or designer slacks in favor of one of my favorite, old pairs of jeans and a pair of sneakers. The only jewelry I bothered to wear was what I wore every day – the woven bracelet, and the little silver one with the hand-carved wolf figurine. "I think you're seriously out of touch with how most modern women dress the majority of the time, Alice."

She scoffed as I teased her, but had no real reply for me other than to eye me again and shake her head. I smiled, and tried to fight off the trepidation and sadness that had started to grow inside me. I'd dreaded this day ever since the Cullens had let me in on their decision a little after the ordeal with James had occurred. Everyone I knew from my high school had already or would soon take off in their various pursuits. I didn't doubt Jess would make the trip back for Angela's engagement party, but after that, I'd be by myself in college, and feel like I was starting over again.

As we arrived at the house, I pulled in a deep breath, tried to put the sullen thoughts from my mind. If I didn't, I knew I would end up having spent my last day with the Cullens crying.

When I got inside, the first think I noticed was that nothing had changed. Every piece of furniture, décor, even curtain was still in place. If I checked the kitchen cupboards, I was sure I would find every dish and utensil in its proper place. This would be highly unusual for a family about to depart in a few hours time, but I knew they probably did it more for my benefit than anything else.

The majority of the morning was spent in games and talking – I was highly amused to watch Alice and Edward play a game of chess. It lasted only a few minutes, and neither of them ever moved a single piece until Alice huffed in annoyance, and tipped over her king in surrender.

When they began to talk of taking me out to lunch, I insisted on just ordering a pizza. And as I ate, I watched them all rather wistfully. Alice had again fetched my camera without my knowing it, but I mouthed a wordless 'thank you' as she skipped about to take pictures of everyone – Esme and Carlisle seated on the couch together, then herself and Jasper as they shared a kiss, Edward seated at the piano as he played through a composition that I recognized as one that he told me he'd written.

After I'd eaten, Esme approached me, and I was surprised to see that she actually seemed cautious. "Now, Bella... I know you're set against any of us purchasing lavish gifts for you..."

I gave a slow nod, almost afraid of what might come next.

"And I stuck with that, but I also know that everyone's been giving you gifts to remember them by. Well, you've mostly seen me here, so..." She extended her hand, and placed a key on the table before me. "Not a gift, of course, but a favor. It would be impractical for us to take everything with all the traveling we'll be doing for a while. But, I do so love this house, so would you mind keeping an eye on it for me?" My jaw dropped, but she rushed onward. "You're welcome to stay here as much as you like, of course, in the downstairs guest room. I know you want to continue to live with Charlie, but it's usually nice to have a place to escape to, right? Or maybe have a party?"

I ducked my head as I sniffled, and Alice came to my side. "Bella?"

"Oh, I didn't mean to upset you. You don't have to house-sit for us, we can put everything in storage and lock the house up..."

I shook my head as I looked up. "No... I've just never been so... touched by someone gifting me with a whole houseful of chores before!"

That set everyone to laughing, and I picked up the key to tuck it away in my pocket. At least I knew that I couldn't possibly even begin to forget any of them, with a whole house filled with memories – both ones I had built with them, and from their lives before I had entered them.

After that, we went outside, which I enjoyed immensely right off the bat because it was of those rare, sunny days, and I got to enjoy the pleasure of seeing their skin shimmer like diamonds as they played. Races around the clearing that their house stood in, short and playful wrestling matches. I couldn't help but enjoy watching them use all their strengths and abilities, without restraint, as they played as any other family might.

Finally, as sunset approached, Edward broke away and walked over to where I sat. "Trust me?" He questioned, and held out his hand.

I didn't hesitate. "Yes." I reached out to take his hand. How could I not trust him, with everything he had done, all he would continue to do to protect me?

He pulled me up and onto his back. My arms went around his neck immediately, my good leg around his waist as he carefully supported the other. Then he was off into the woods at such speeds that it hurt to keep my eyes open, but I couldn't help but watch the scenery as it flew by. Eventually, we slowed, and I wasn't sure how far we'd gone.

"Hold on tight," he said, and released my leg.

My grip around his neck tightened, and he began to climb the tree before us. And I gasped in wonder at the scene that slowly unfolded before me as we passed up beyond the reaches of the majority of the trees, and I was left with an unhindered view.

I couldn't speak. Within my view was miles of forest, but also ocean and mountains, all colored under the warm glow of sunset. I watched it all in silence until the sun sank beyond the horizon, and I could make out hardly anything in the dim light of stars and a barely risen moon.

I felt rather than saw Edward climb back down the tree. I expected him to head straight back to his house, but he carefully sat me on the ground instead.

"Bella."

I was surprised to hear his voice at my side, rather than from in front of me, where I had thought he was. But I turned toward the sound. "Yes?"

"Everyone else has given you gifts..."

"I don't want anything from you, Edward."

"Why?"

"Because... you've already given me so much. And I know that simply by existing, I cause you pain because I cannot return your feelings as you might wish me to."

"Oh, Bella... how little you understand me." He reached for and found my hand easily in the darkness, and I returned his hold easily. "You have given me... everything, just by existing. How long I watched my family be so happy in love. Wondered if anything like that could happen for me, or... had I lost that chance by being thrust into this life. So not only have you given me this... indescribable gift of love, but you have allowed me to learn that I was capable of it at all. And so many other things, Bella."

I choked back a small sob that surprised me with its presence, only became aware of a tear that slipped down my cheek as his kiss there cooled it.

"Do you still object to my gifts, even if I point out that one is handmade, and the other something that I inherited from my mother?"

I sniffled and shook my head.

There was laughter in his voice again when he spoke. "Good. Because one is already in your CD player at your house, and the second I've placed on your charm bracelet."

I laughed a little as I reached for my bracelet and found a second charm now dangled from it. "You weren't really going to allow my to refuse, were you?"

"As the rest of my family has done so, I did not think it much to ask that you have something to remind you of me."

"I couldn't possibly forget any of you, least of all you..."

He was quiet as he reached up to wipe another tear from my cheek, traced the shape of my lips.

"I'm going to miss all of you so much..."

"It won't be long before this is all done with, and you're safe once again."

I gave a short laugh. "What is 'not long' to someone who is over a hundred and still looks like a teenager?"

There was some bitterness to his laugh. "I suppose there's some truth to that, but... I do not possess the strength to remain away from you indefinitely, Bella."

My breath caught once again, and my heart fluttered painfully in my chest. And in the next moment, I was in his arms.

"Never regret the decisions you have made in your life, not for a moment, for I cannot bring myself to even consider regretting any of mine, except that some have put you in danger. And I will not rest until you are safe again."

I simply clung to his shirt and cooled my forehead against his chest as I tried to calm myself down. I'd had quite enough of passing out around Edward. Instead, I focused on the things around me, and became rather aware of Edward's scent... it was somehow warm and spicy, despite his cool skin and sweet kiss.

He drew in a sharp breath. "I should get you back. We had planned to leave at nightfall."

I could not bring myself to release him just yet, so he scooped me into his arms with ease and made his way back quickly, but not with near the same speed as we had left. Everyone had gone back inside, so I had another moment to compose myself before we went inside. When he sat me on the couch, I somehow made myself let him go.

"Jake's coming, Bella, so that he can drive you home."

I nodded my head toward Alice. My head swam with a dozen dizzying thoughts, and I was grateful when no one questioned my silence. It was so quiet, that I jumped to hear the knock at the door. All at once, reality flooded back in on me, and tears sprang to my eyes once again. I was immediately in Esme and then Alice's embrace as Edward let Jake in.

"Don't worry, Bella. We'll all do our best to keep in touch," Carlisle assured me as he gave me a hug as well.

"I imagine you'll have little time for even schoolwork, for all the letters Alice is sure to write you each day."

Alice scoffed at Jasper, and I actually laughed a little.

"I'll manage, somehow."

"No goodbyes, Bella," Esme said softly, as I began to tear up all over again.

"Yes. Just... we'll see you soon!" Alice beamed at me. "After all, how could I possibly keep myself away from my best friend for too long?"

I smiled faintly, then hugged her again. Then I had to hug all of them again, though the one I shared with Jasper was very brief, and more like a pat on the back than a real hug. Then Jake, who had patiently and silently waited through this whole scene, helped me out to his care as he half carried me, and Edward followed with my crutches. He lifted me into the seat as my crutches were place in the trunk.

Jake turned to walk around to the driver's side, but found himself nearly face-to-face with Edward. "I mean no unkindness when I say this, Jacob... But take care of her. We'll all be doing our best to see this ended, but... I could not see myself or any of us leaving here under anything less than the assurance that you and your pack will do your best to protect her."

"Of course," Jake said tersely, eying Edward carefully, seeming not to take offense at his words so much as the fact that he'd crept up on him so closely. Then he circled around to the driver's side and climbed in, and the last thing I saw as we pulled away was Edward's face as he watched us go.

We were halfway to my house before he finally spoke again. "You're going to miss them, aren't you."

"Immensely," I managed, and kept my voice steady as possible.

He sighed. "He's in love with you."

I sniffled a little. "I know."

"And... you love him."

I drew in a deep breath. "Yes. But we've been through this, Jake. It doesn't change how I feel for you. It doesn't make sense to me, how I can feel this way about two people, but... you're the one that I want to be with, Jake. You always have been, and always will be."

He released a small sigh. "Well... you can't blame me for being a little nervous... I know how you are about gifts, especially expensive ones... and he's managed to get a diamond on you."

"Diamond?" My heart fluttered a little in panic through my confusion.

"Your bracelet."

I lifted my arm in order to look at it. On it now dangled a small, diamond heart that glittered brilliantly, even in the light that was currently available. I gave a short laugh. "He said he'd inherited it from his mother, but... it suits him. All of them, really."

"What do you mean?"

"It glitters in the light the way that they do."

He actually laughed a little at that. "They glitter? I guess that explains why they were so covered-up when they found me on the beach that day."

I giggled, then scooted over to be closer to him. "I'm going to miss all of them. I'm going to miss all my friends that are leaving. But I think that I can get through anything, as long as you're by my side. Nothing scares me, and nothing can, while I'm with you, short of the thought of losing you."

"Then I'll do my best to make sure you never have to be scared again," he said as he flashed me a smile.

"Are you staying tonight?" I asked as we arrived home and he helped me from the car.

"Sure. I have patrol in the morning, but, it's just as easy to leave from here."

"Good." I smiled softly as he left me at the door, and I let myself in. My dad had already gone to bed, so I worked through making a few sandwiches for my dinner... well, mainly for Jake. But I took so long that he'd actually already returned, and then came downstairs to see what I was not in bed. He carried the sandwiches up to my room so that I could make my way up unhindered, I hadn't wanted help for myself because I was sure if my dad was awake still, he'd notice that I made less noise on the stairs and would come to investigate. But when a loud snore issued forth from his room, Jake rolled his eyes, picked me up, and carried me up with my crutches into my room. He stepped out briefly to allow me to change, but returned quickly when I whispered that it was okay.

As we ate, he patiently listened to me recount the day I'd had with the Cullens. I skipped over the majority of my conversation with Edward, but the mention of the run through the woods reminded me of the CD that he said was in my player. So I turned to my bedside table to turn it on, and smiled to hear Edward's voice introduce what I recognized as Esme's song that he had written for her.

"Classical music?" Jake asked incredulously.

"Mmhm... Sounds like it's a CD of songs that he wrote."

He yawned, and I snickered softly. "Sorry, nothing against it, but..."

"It's an acquired taste," I agreed, and snuggled down into bed with him.

He was soon out, but I remained awake as each tune was introduced and played. But even I could not fight off the tiring day for long, and began to doze off until I heard my name. I glanced around, then realized that it had come from the CD. Confused, I reached to start the track over.

"Bella's Lullaby," Edward's voice introduced, and then the piano began again. Tears sprang to my eyes as I settled back down. I couldn't help but play it over and over for as long as I could stay awake, but it wasn't long before the lullaby did its work and I drifted off to sleep in Jake's arms.