Xander laid on the warm grass the back of his head resting Buffy's lap as she read him the latest issue of Spiderman. The Florida sun was absolutely amazing. It wasn't that Cleveland wasn't nice but the weather was turning colder and he figured the two earned a little time in the sun.

Buffy smiled turning the comic book so Xander could see the pictures. "And until next week that concludes our adventures for Spiderman."

Xander was comfortable and reluctant to move. Buffy just stroked his hair through his forehead. "I think this is my favorite way to read comics now."

"It is pretty cool and I have to admit I'm kind of getting in to the stories."

"I see comic con in our future."

Buffy just laughed. "Yeah don't go jumping the gun yet." She put the Spiderman in the backpack. "What do we have left?"

Xander reached through the stack. "Just Superman."

Buffy looked at Xander curious. "You just touched that comic."

"Ah yeah."

"But you said if you touch something than it instantly downloads."

Xander pulled his head out of her lap looking at her in the eye. "It's the meditation, partially at least." He got up and started pacing. "I had to figure out how to shut it off cause as the power grew I was finding that it didn't just stop at reading books."

"What do you mean?"

He held his hands behind his back. It was a night after I finished a patrol with our squad and I was helping one of the girls up off her butt. She took my hand and in a second I saw everything that was in her mind. I saw her childhood and conversations. I saw her life experiences. I saw her fears and dreams. I saw her dark secrets. It was all just there."

Buffy looked at him. "So you are saying like the book now you can read people."

"I couldn't tell anyone Buffy. People would avoid me like the plague and rightfully so. I mean no one should have 100 percent access to what's going on in your mind. It's ultimate intrusion. So for two days I made busy work. I was doing repairs around the school. Everything I could do to avoid people."

Buffy thought back. "You told me those were priority repairs. But you were avoiding me?"

Xander shrugged. "I knew I couldn't use that excuse forever. I was about to lose it when Nee phi found me."

"The monk?"

"I have to say the guy is amazing. Seriously I wrote off all his herbs and chants but I can honestly say I have so much respect for that man."

"He helped you?"

"Took a while but yes. I have found the balance. I still struggle somewhat but the more I do it the easier it is."

Buffy looked at him. "When I touched you?"

"No Buffy. I didn't. I wouldn't do that to you. Everything I have in my head about Buffy Summers I learned the old fashioned way."

"If you had I wouldn't have been mad. I know you would never intrude intentionally."

He stepped back to her and stood behind her wrapping his arms behind her in a hug. He rested his chin on her shoulder. "If I expected anyone to understand I knew it would be you."

Buffy nodded "I know what it is to be inside someone else head. You are lucky though that you got a foot hold on yours."

"And I didn't have to drink a demon heart to do it."

Buffy laughed and slapped his arm. "So what do you say you read Superman to me and than we should probably head back to Cleveland."

Xander's face soured not wanting to go. "Yeah I guess we have to get back."

Buffy pointed to the ground and the blanket. "Sit. My turn."

Xander laughed and sat on the edge of the blanket as Buffy stretched out this time resting the back of her head in his lap.

A few hours later Buffy and Xander were setting down on the usual spot on the roof of the school. He looked at his watch and sighed. "I think we have two hours till patrol."

"And so we return to the real world."

Buffy opened the access panel on the roof and stared down the ladder and in to the school. "So I think I'm going to grab a bite."

Not needing the ladder Xander just slowly hovered down pulling the panel door shut and like a magic elevator lowered himself to the ground. "I am going to go get Andrew back his comics."

She stepped to Xander. "Thank you for a perfect day."

Xander wrapped his arms around her and kissed her softly and perfectly. "Thank you." With that he pulled away and headed down the hall.

When he knocked on Andrew's door from the other side he heard. "BUSY!"

Xander just spoke through the door. "I'll just slide your comics under the door."

Andrew jumped up. "Xander WAIT!" He flung open the door. "I didn't know it was you."

Xander took off the back pack he wore as he was flying and pulled out his comics. "Here you go."

"Xander do you have a few minutes."

"Sure. What's up Andrew?"

Andrew pulled him anxiously inside the room. "You have to come in. I am almost done." As he stepped in Andrew's room he saw the sewing machine and brightly colored gold and black spandex. Andrew quickly pulled the spandex revealing a tight body suit. It was gold almost all over except for black triangle that started at the top of the neck and plunged clear to the belly button. There were matching black patches on the knees and elbows. "It's going to be your new costume."

Xander looked at it skeptically rubbing his chin. "I don't' know."

"Wait there is one more touch." He quickly fished out a patch. It was a silver claw hammer with bolts going through it. "It's going to go on the center. I figured you could be." He stood back and said the name with such reverence. "THE HAMMER."

Xander let go of a breath. "Yeah Andrew I appreciate everything you did. I know it was a lot of work and I appreciate all of this but."

"You hate it?"

Xander paced. "It's just that" He took the patch in his hand. "First off the Hammer. I mean we might have licensing issues with Thor."

"But you are a carpenter and I thought."

"It's too obvious. I mean it's like if you asked someone to come up with a superhero name and you had 30 seconds to think about it. I mean it's cool but not anything that really moves you."

"But the costume?"

"I give you an A for effort. It's cool but the material reminds me of something you would see out of the Adam West Batman. Maybe there was a time when a superhero would wear this but today."

Andrew looked at the material and shook his head. "Christian Bale wouldn't be caught dead in this."

"Don't beat yourself up."

"I failed you."

"Andrew it is an A for effort and I appreciate it."

"Wait give me another chance."

"Andrew it's okay. I mean the whole costume thing is over rated. I don't need."

Andrew looked at him pleading. "Please I can do this. I was made for this."

A part of him felt guilty. He was having Andrew make a costume that would never get used. But it kept him occupied and out of his hair. "Andrew I don't know If I am a costume guy. I mean even if you made one that I said was awesome I'm not really going to be the guy who ever would wear one."

"Just one more chance. Even if you never wear it let me at least have another shot."

He sighed and shook his head. "It's your free time I can't tell you what to do with it."

Andrew hugged Xander. "I'm going to make you something that will move you I promise you."

Xander just patted his back. "I'm sure you won't let me down." With that he pulled away. As he stepped out of Andrew's room he quickly made a b line for the cafeteria. There was a special fridge located in the back they used to stock Xander's food. Being that he needed more they always kept it full.

He walked in to the back fridge and pulled out a pound of shaved turkey, a jar of pickles, a full bag of chips, some pre cooked bacon, and an apple pie.. He closed the door to find Angel standing on the other side. "You know that popping up of no where thing isn't as endearing as you think it is."

Angel just smiled. "Kind of hoping you had a minute."

"Let me guess you want to show me a costume you have designed to take in to battle."

Angel looked confused. "What?"

"It's an Andrew thing?" Xander made his way in to the empty cafeteria setting the food down on the table. He pulled a chair out sitting down. "So what is on your mind."

Angel sat across from him. "Xander what I'm about to say is about as difficult for me to say to you as anything I think I've ever said to you?"

Xander took out his fork and started eating right in the center of the pie. He swallowed the bite. "Are you coming on to me? Cause I have a girlfriend now."

Angel rolled his eyes. "That might even be easier to say than this. Xander I think I was wrong."

Xander dropped the fork looking at him. "Wrong about what?"

"About these powers and you. Everything happens for a reason. I don't know why you were picked but damn it you were picked. I think it's time you consider embracing that."

Xander looked at him skeptically. "Where is this coming from?"

Angel put out his arm. "You healed me Xander. Think of what that means. It means that any time you are in the field with a slayer you can keep them safe. Even if they are injured you can just touch them and bam they are battle ready again."

Xander took another bite of the pie and swallowed it down. "The thing is Angel what you are talking about is." He looked down trying to choose his words. "A lot of responsibility. I mean one second I'm healing people and the next I'm stopping them from dying and."

"And?"

"What if it upsets the balance?"

"It's no different from what you did for Buffy all those years ago. Back than you had a choice. You could have just gave up but you didn't. You gave her CPR and because of that she is alive. Was that upsetting a balance?"

"That is different Angel. I mean what I did with Buffy wasn't a guarantee. I mean it was something anyone could have done."

"Xander I think you are thinking too small. I know the power you have in you and what you are capable of." Angel quickly pulled the sleeve of his coat up revealing his arm. "Look at that. Xander my arm was broken and in one second."

"I know Angel I was there."

"One second Xander. You held on to my arm for one second and what you did was amazing."

"Yeah I know Angel I cured you."

"Not completely."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that I still couldn't' breathe. I can't walk in the sun."

"Well Angel you aren't talking about curing your talking about." He didn't want to say it so Angel did.

"Resurrection."

Xander jumped up stepping away from the table. "Angel I don't even know if I am capable of that. I healed your arm that doesn't mean I can bring you back from death."

"What if it does? Xander you healed my arm."

"And to do so I thought I killed you. Do you remember that day? I touched you and you howled in pain like you never have before."

"I'm not going to lie it hurt like hell but on top of that pain I felt something else. I felt something I hadn't felt in years. I felt life flowing through me. I felt my heart I felt warm."

"If I did this wrong who knows the consequences."

"What I am talking about is you just put your hands on me like last time and you don't pull away. You just let that life force flow and I swear I think it could make me a man not a vampire."

Xander shook his head. "No Angel." He shook his head afraid for what he was asking. "I can't do that. Angel it's unknown. Maybe you are right and maybe it would work or maybe the power inside is like the sun and would turn you to dust in a second if I held to long."

"I don't think it would. I know what I felt. I know this can work."

Xander paced back and fourth. "I'm sorry Angel but I have to take a stand I have to say no."

"Look Xander I know you and I haven't gotten along."

"That has nothing to do with my decision."

"Just hear me out please. Xander I know that you and I have butted heads over the years. This is my humanity we are talking about. I have wanted this for longer than you've been alive. There have been prophecies written about this. I would give everything I am everything I have. I would rather have one more day I can spend as a human. I would give up every day I have left as a vampire for that."

"And I get that Angel but what you are asking isn't my place to make this choice. You are talking about higher being stuff. You are talking about something that isn't to be taken lightly. It's Fate or Destiny or hell even the powers that be who make the call on your humanity. It's not me."

"That's just it Xander. They have decided that. It's called the shansu."

"Angel I know about the shansu."

"That is what I am saying. I always wanted to believe the shansu but always had doubt but I can see now. You are the one who makes all of that happen."

Xander shook his head. "Angel you know that's not right. The shansu might come to you some day but it's not going to come through me."

Angel slammed his hands down. "You don't know that."

Xander looked at him. "Angel what you are talking about is a game changer. It would be taking the vampire warrior out of battle, every battle to come. This is major change stuff. I can't be the guy responsible for that change."

Angel shook his head. "You aren't the one responsible. It's my choice you are just the one carrying it out."

Xander shook his head and grabbed the food off the table he turned around walking away. "I'm sorry but I'm done here."

He took a few steps when Angel said it. "Let's cut to what this really is about." Xander kept walking and ignored him. "It's about Buffy."

Xander spun around on his heal. He set the food down and stepped back to Angel. "What?"

"What if I take her off the table?"

"Take her off the table? What are you saying?"

"Xander you are afraid that if I became human you would lose Buffy."

"I am?"

"Come on Xander I am her soul mate. You don't have to like it but everyone knows it."

"You truly are an arrogant son of a bitch."

"Buffy and I are perfect for each other. We are 99 percent compatible. It's that 1 percent though that keeps us apart. A vampire can't give her the life she deserves. So we aren't on equal footing. Your humanity gives you an advantage. If you made me human you would lose that advantage and that 99 percent would be 100."

"You believe Buffy would choose a human you over me."

"I'm not saying it to be harsh. It is just the way it is."

Xander looked down angered by his arrogance. "You are unbelievable."

"If you do this for me I will step away from Buffy. I will take all romantic prospects I will ever have with Buffy present or future off the table. I give you my word."

"You are insane Angel. It pisses me off that you think so little of me. I am not that petty."

"No you would rather hide behind the lie blaming responsibility."

"Hate me if you want it won't change that much of who we always have been. If it's any consolation to you all I want is my life back. So I know what it is you are talking about."

"Get out."

Xander sighed and walked away. He wanted to be angry at Angel but understood his rage. In the end though he was just a man and to make such a dramatic change was something he didn't have a right to do. He found his way in to his bedroom and looked at the mirror on his dresser. The reflection staring back at him was one of stress and worry. He just spoke to it. "I want my life back."