Disclaimer: I own neither Glee nor any part thereof. No money is being made off of this story and is intended only for entertainment purposes; therefore it falls within the parameters of "Fair Use"
Chapter 26
First Day Back
The Monday after Spring Break, as is typical, was agonizingly slow for virtually everyone. No one wanted to be back at school. The day had dragged by especially for Tina, having spent ten days in nearly constant contact with her girlfriend. Her absence was now particularly noticeable. Okay, so we are definitely co-dependent. Mental note: Next year I need to have at least one class with Brittany, preferably more.
Eventually, the day had wound down to time for Glee Club. Mr. Schuester was, seemingly as always, running late. Brittany and Santana were talking and laughing about something no one else could hear. Mercedes and Kurt were gossiping about who knows what. Matt, Mike, Puck, and Artie were having what appeared to be a very intense discussion that, given the audience, could mean only one thing: video games. Quinn was understandably absent, still home recovering from child birth. Tina and Rachel had just walked in and were going over their song that they had worked on Saturday making sure the band was familiar with it.
Both girls were dressed very differently than anyone had ever seen them. Tina had insisted that since they were going to live out one of Rachel's fantasies that they would do it right. If they were going to sing a rock song and be rocker chicks, then they were damn well going to dress the part. In both girls' cases, this necessitated a trip to the mall to acquire the appropriate attire. Rachel had picked up a pair of dark gray skinny jeans and a vintage The Who sleeveless t-shirt, in honor of her show stopping number at Regionals. Tina had gone with a Led Zeppelin shirt and a pair of leather pants that required a fair bit of effort to get into, but that she knew Brittany would love.
And Brittany wasn't the only one. The girls turned every head in the room, including the one certified straight girl and gay boy. Puck simply said, "Damn!" Matt and Santana were notably bug eyed, mouths agape. Brittany was wearing a huge, excited grin. Mercedes said, "Rocker chicks in the freakin house, ya'll." Artie intoned, "Ya'll look fierce, yo."
Before they could say anything in return, from behind Rachel came Finn's excited voice, "Hey, Rach, you look great."
Rachel huffed out a breath and rolled her eyes in Tina's direction before plastering on her standard "Rachel Berry, Superstar" smile and turning to face him. "Thank you very much, Finn. How was your Spring Break?" she asked quickly, trying to divert the conversation from where she was almost certain it was going.
"Oh it was cool. I mostly slept in, played a lot of Call of Duty. Went and saw that movie The Crazies, it was pretty awesome, but I was wondering…"
"About my Spring Break?" she cut him off. "Kind of you to ask. It was a veritable roller coaster of emotions. Sunday, my fathers took me out in grand fashion to celebrate my exemplary performance and our win at Regionals at Chai Home Kitchen for my favorite vegan Thai food. Then Monday I spent at Mercedes' house watching an array of motion pictures with Mercedes and the ever delightful Mrs. Jones. Tuesday I spent with Santana doing…"
"Santana?" the tall boy said with a confused look on his face.
"Yes, Santana Lopez," Rachel said pointing to the girl in question, "she's in Glee with us."
"I know who Santana is, but why did you hang out with her?" Finn said.
"Because she asked me to, and because we are in the same social circle now through Tina and Brittany and because I had no other plans for that day, I agreed. We did a number of things including clothes shopping getting pampered at a spa, a new experience for me which I found very enjoyable. She also introduced me to a recently opened ice cream shop in town that has non-dairy selections that I must say was quite delicious. Wednesday morning I had a breakfast date with my estranged biological mother and Quinn to discuss the possibility of the former adopting the latter's then soon to be born baby, a meeting that ironically enough was disrupted by the sudden onset of Quinn's labor contractions. I spent the rest of the day at the hospital with the majority of the rest of the Glee Club, less some noticeably absent members, waiting to see how Quinn was doing."
"Sorry," Tina apologized while staring a hole in Finn, "Britt and I would have made it, but we were out of town."
"Apologies completely unnecessary, Tina. That is a thoroughly valid reason for not being present to support one's teammate in time of need, much more valid than some could offer. Thursday morning was likewise spent at the hospital until a certain wise woman rightly pointed out that I was desperately in need of sleep, as such I spent the bulk of the afternoon being, I believe the term is, spooned, by Brittany, which I must say, Tina, is a rather delightful sensation."
"Not news to me, honey," Tina retorted quickly with a smile.
"Thursday night I spent getting dolled up and going out with the aforementioned wise woman, my afternoon's Big Spoon, and the previously discussed Santana where we had a lovely time dancing and singing together. Santana was nice enough to give us all Screaming Orgasms…"
"WHAT?" Finn asked far too loudly drawing attention from a couple of people in the room. Tina was furiously biting the inside of her cheek to keep from laughing and the innuendo.
"Screaming Orgasms," Rachel confirmed flatly. "I believe that Brittany and Tina had one each, right?"
"Correct," Tina said managing to keep her voice level, "I'd have asked for more but, well, I was driving."
Now it was Rachel who had to make a concerted effort to keep from laughing. "As I said a wise woman, and a wise decision. I, myself, had two and in rapid succession, no less. It was quite the experience. If I recall correctly Santana wound up having four or perhaps five by night's end."
"Five, I think," Tina confirmed.
"I believe you are right. And Finn I know what you are thinking, that I should have waited for a more appropriate age before engaging in such activities and in times past I certainly would have agreed with you, as certainly there are very specific laws regarding such things. However, it felt right at the time and we were safe in doing it, as such I don't regret a moment of it."
Finn had long ago gone speechless and pale faced. "Were you… drunk or something?"
"Santana assured me that while obviously somewhat inebriated, and probably over the legal limit, especially for a minor, that I was nowhere near what one might call 'hammered' more accurately I think I would have been described as 'buzzed.' Santana's assurances were backed up by the fact that I did not have a hangover the next morning."
He stood there not saying anything, barely moving for a minute before Mr. Schuester finally made his entrance saying, "Sorry I'm late, can everyone please take your seats?" Tina and Rachel quickly took seats in the front row. Finn stood stunned, motionless. "Finn, can you take a seat, please?" Mr. Shue repeated, and finally he did. "Everyone enjoy their Spring Break?" he asked to a mixed response. "I'd like to start off by thanking you and congratulating all of you on a job extremely well done at Regionals. I confirmed with Principal Figgins this morning Glee Club will officially continue on next year. I know that's a big concern off of a lot of your shoulders. Unfortunately, we have our plates full with Spring Showcase in just over three weeks and Nationals in seven, so we need to get down to business on…"
Rachel's hand shot up quickly. "Mr. Schuester, I have one quick order of club business before we get into what is undoubtedly a much larger discussion of set lists for the Showcase and fundraising for Nationals," she said standing and walking to the middle of the floor.
"Actually, Nationals is covered, but go ahead," he said.
Rachel faced Mr. Schuester instead of the group. "Mr. Shue, we're all aware of the extreme limitations of the Glee Club's budget. How can we suddenly have funds enough to pay for entry fees, transportation, and lodging for fourteen people?"
"I'll explain it to you later, privately, Rachel, just continue with what you were going to say," he dodged.
"Very well, in my capacity as Team Captain of this Club, I would like to take this time to hereby officially name Tina as Glee Club Co-Captain."
"Um, no thanks," Tina responded very quickly.
Just as quickly, Rachel came back with, "It was not an interrogative statement, Tina. You are Glee Club Co-Captain. You've been doing the job for several weeks now. It's long past time we officially recognized you as such."
"Since when?" Tina asked.
"Since what I believe is known about the school as 'Vampire Day' when you stood here in this spot and took the club to task for being dilatory in their attitudes toward preparing for Regionals, and since your actions in leading the group in the wake of my attack. If you would prefer we can put it to a vote, I motion that we appoint Tina Cohen-Chang co-Captain of the New Directions Glee Club."
"Motion seconded," Artie responded quickly.
"Motion freakin carried," sounded Santana almost immediately after him.
"The motion is brought to a vote," Rachel said. "All those in favor, raise your hand." She quickly scanned the room. "Everyone but Finn. All those opposed? No one. Finn stands silent on the issue. Having previously discussed this issue with Quinn she votes 'Aye' in absentia. The Aye's have it. Tina, you are hereby appointed co-Captain of Glee Club. Congratulations, and as I said, you've effectively been doing the job for weeks. It shouldn't be a burden on you or time. Mr. Schuester, I hereby return the floor to you." With that she retook her seat next to Tina. Tina smiled slightly and pulled Rachel into a one armed, side hug.
"Okay, congratulations Tina. Now, as I was saying, Spring Showcase is just over three weeks away. It's going to be a two hour show, and here's how it's going to work. Artie, Quinn, Matt, Mike, Brittany, Kurt, and Mercedes, none of you have ever sang lead at a competition, you will all get a slot to perform. Those of you have had leads can work with the others if they wish to share their spots. Also depending on the song selection, there will be two or possibly three open slots for you to fight over. It's not an official show choir competition, but it is still a school event so let's try to stick to the standards imposed at competition. Artie, I know you've been chomping at bit to do Lil Wayne but 'Drop the World' is just too violent and vulgar. I'll leave the rest of the period for you to brainstorm ideas for your performances, but I believe Rachel and Tina have something prepared for us today. Is this an audition for Showcase, Rachel?"
"While it may serve as such," Rachel said as she and Tina stood and walked to the center of the floor, "it was originally conceived as an exercise in friendly bonding between Tina and me, as well as a small measure of wish fulfillment on my part."
"And mine," Tina interjected.
"Tina's as well, evidentially. While Broadway and Barbara will always be my first loves musically, I have always a certain visceral reaction, pleasantly so, to the rock 'n' roll stylings of the late 70's/early 80's band Heart, and…"
"Wait," Puck interrupted, "you're doing a Heart song? Which one?"
"Noah, I was not aware of your affinity for the Wilson Sisters," Rachel said smiling in surprise.
"Are you kidding me?" he said. "Nancy Wilson, badass rocker chick and world class MILF? Puckzilla knows some freaking Heart."
"Well, then," Rachel replied, "in answer to your original question we are about to perform the classic 'Barracuda'."
"Yep, that's it," Puck jumped up from his seat and walked toward the band. "You, Band Geek, give me that guitar. I'm playing lead on this." The skinny guitarist quickly handed over his guitar to Puck and quickly backed away.
"Noah, if you wish to accompany us on this number, we would be agreeable to that," Rachel said, then after a beat added, "right after you apologize to Martin for that horrible display of testosterone."
Puck growled deeply but never able to deny "his Jew" on matters such as this, he quickly turned back to the curly haired boy and quickly said, "Sorry, dude."
A more than slightly stunned Martin Bishop muttered, "Uh, umm… no worries?"
"You're sure you know the song?" Tina asked.
Puck cranked the amp up, looked at Tina and said, "Princess, I got this. Check it." He then proceeded to rip out the opening riff of the song like he'd been touring with Heart for years, and they were off…
(Rachel)
So this ain't the end
I saw you agaaaaaaain today
Had to turn my heart away
You smiled like the sun
Kisses for eeeeeeeeeeeeeeveryone
And tales - it never fails!
You lying so low in the weeds
I bet you gonna ambush me
You'd have me down, down, down, down, down on my knees
Now wouldn't ya, Barracuda?
Ooooow!
(Tina)
So back over time when we were all
Tryyyyyyyyyying for free
You met up with porpoise and me, uh huh
No right no wrong you're selling a song
A naaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaame whisper game
But if the real thing don't do the trick
No, you better make up something quick
You gonna burn, burn, burn, burn, burn it out to the wiiiiiiiiick
Oooooh, Barracuda!
(Both)
Oooooooh!
"Sell me sell you" the porpoise said
Dive down deep to save my head
(Rachel)
You...I think you got the bluuuuuuuuues too
(Both)
All that night and all the next
Swam without looking back
Made for the western pools - silly fools!
(Rachel)
But if the real thing don't do the trick
No, you're gonna make up something quick
(Tina)
You gonna burn, burn, burn, burn, burn it out to the wiiiiiiiiick
Oooooooooooooooooooh, Barracuda!
As soon as the song was over, Rachel hugged Tina tightly, then Puck, and then did a small happy dance. Brittany came bouncing down to grab Tina in a Brittany-hug, and said, "You have no idea how turned on I am right now." Tina smiled and blushed at this and kissed her girlfriend sweetly. Elation overflowing, Rachel quickly hugged Puck again and placed a very firm kiss on his cheek. At this site there came there came a voice that sounded almost like a roar, "Is this what you're gonna be now, Rachel? You do it with her, and now you're just this?" it was a mightily angry Finn. "You were worth way more than that. God! Why do I always lose everything?" Rachel stood stunned still. Puck quickly returned the guitar and extricated him from what clearly didn't concern him. Finn turned his head to look at Santana, "Why do you always take everything from me?"
Arching an eyebrow, Santana replied coolly menacing, "Firstly, watch your tone, Frankenteen, with me and with Frodo. Secondly, I don't have the slightest clue what the hell you're talking about because the only thing I recall taking from you was your virginity and I don't remember you complaining about that."
"You slept with Santana?" Rachel asked incredulously. "You lied to me! You said you couldn't go through with it."
"We weren't together, Rachel! You were with Jesse."
"You say that as if you weren't about to ask me out again when you walked into the choir room a moment ago, and don't lie to me… again. I know you were. Moreover, that wasn't my point. My point was you seem to view my virginity as something of value but not your own since you gave it to someone for whom you have nothing but contempt, so I must conclude that this little hissy fit you're throwing has less to do with my maintaining my virtue and more to do with you thinking that it somehow belongs to you despite the fact that when you had my affections, you threw them away like so much hot garbage."
"I made a mistake," Finn pleaded.
"As did I," Rachel replied. "My mistake was in thinking that you were ever worthy of my time."
Hurt written across his face Finn said, "Whatever! You fucked that slut and now you're a slut just like her!"
At this Matt and Santana both jumped forward in a rage. Mike, Puck, and Mercedes grabbed Matt and tried valiantly to hold him back while Artie tried to appeal to him to calm down. Brittany, Tina, Kurt, and Mr. Schuester were having much more trouble holding back the rampaging Latina. So engaged with the two of them was the group that when the ear-splitting crack of skin-on-skin echoed through the choir room, everyone was suddenly stunned still, even Matt and Santana. When they all finally looked at the source of the sound, they found Finn knocked on his ass on the floor with a quickly developing welt on his left cheek and the tiny diva somehow towering over him. "Finn Hudson, you do NOT call her that… that vile, contemptible word! Do you understand me? Not Santana, not myself, no one! Not that it is remotely any of your business but I did not have sex with Santana. If you seriously think that I would lose my virginity in a mildly intoxicated bout of group sex with my best friend and her girlfriend, then that just proves how very little you know me Finn. Listen to me and heed my words, now and forever more we are through, you and I. I am over you. I am so far over you that you would need a telescope to see me. I have moved on, it's time you did the same."
Mr. Schuester finally spoke up at long last, "Okay, everyone needs to just settle down. Finn, outside. Puck, Mike, please go with him to make sure he calms down. Rachel, my office please. Everyone else, brainstorming about the Showcase."
Rachel quickly looked at her friend and nodded towards the office and said, "Tina?" They quickly beat a path to the office.
"Tina, can I help you?" Mr. Schuester asked.
"Tina is here," Rachel answered, "because I asked her to be. I struck another student, on school grounds in plain view of a member of the faculty. I assume I am to be suspended, in which case she needs to know, so that she, as co-Captain, may take over leadership of the club."
"You're not suspended, Rachel," Mr. Schuester interjected. "Finn definitely had that coming. Yes, you shouldn't hit students. There, I gave you a verbal warning. Don't let me catch you doing it again."
"I am thus chastened," she responded quickly. "Why then, am I called to the office?"
"You wanted to know how we were paying for the trip to Nationals. I told you that I'd tell you later. It's later."
"In that case," Rachel responded, "either it's club business, in which Tina, as co-Captain should know about it as well, or more likely since you wanted to speak privately, it has something to do with me personally, in which case, Tina as my best friend, will be told about it soon, if not immediately, after anyway."
"Fine," said Schuester, "Last Monday, Shelby Corcoran handed me fifteen first class plane tickets, reservations for six rooms in a five-star hotel in Atlanta, and a check for $100,000 to cover expenses." Both girls sat in stunned silence. "She said I could tell you, if you asked but she asked that I not tell you in front of the group. I guess she didn't want it to look like she was…"
"Buying my affections," Rachel finished for him. He nodded. "But isn't that what she's doing?" Rachel was addressing Tina, now, "I mean, I let her adopt Beth and she pays for us to go to Nationals?"
"No," countered Tina, "Mr. Shue, you said this happened on Monday right? A week ago today?"
"Yes," he replied.
"You only agreed to the adoption late Thursday night, she hadn't even broached the subject of adoption with you then."
"You're right," Rachel replied, "so this is just her being… incredibly generous."
A/N: So I didn't actually mean to get into another bout of Finn Bashing since I think Tina took pretty good care of that back in Chapter 10, but I really felt like before I push forward with Rachel's subplot, I really needed her to have a big blow off with Finn to distance my Rachel from HeadCannon Rachel who keeps going back to the big ape.
The song, in case you somehow missed it, is "Barracuda" by Heart and if you haven't heard it or them, then you have not lived. Go to YouTube and look them up. They're amazing.
One final note, what should Rachel and Tina's mash-up name be? Tinchel? Rina? CohenBerry?