As I promised a few of you, the chapter got out today! I'm actually proud that I got it done xD

Anyway, R&R

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26. DECISION

In the time that followed I almost remembered how it felt to have goose bumps. Jasper's eyes were constantly on my back, watching my every movement. I knew that he even considered following me when I went hunting with the others, but I think Alice told him that that was taking it too far. When I talked with her about it, she simply answered that I was a newborn and that it was in my nature.

Nature. Ugh.

I tried not to let myself think too much about it; thinking too much about it would make Edward think about it. At first I didn't concern hiding the annoyance, but after Edward encountered Jasper with it, I decided that it was better that way. It almost ended up in a fight. A real one.

In the end I'd told Edward to back off and pushed him out of the living room – which surprisingly enough was pretty hard – and then convinced him to go for a run with me.

Nobody mentioned it again.

One thing was good, though. Kate and I had never been closer, and I tried to give her more attention, even though it was hard having to leave Edward so much, but I did it for her.

Alice, Rosalie and Carmen took Irina, Kate and me shopping. I wasn't too thrilled about it; clothes had never really caught my interest.

The people on the street stared after us; six beautiful women walking down the street had to be looked at. Usually I would have smiled over the situation, but as I now walked there, I felt nothing but annoyance. I wanted the glares away; away from my family. Anyone could turn against us. Anyone could be on the wolves' side. I couldn't afford to let them get hurt.

Which was why thoughts I had never imagined could encounter my head began to form.

I was the cause of things. It was me who drew their attention to the family. I was bad news wherever I went, even if Edward told me he was happy that I was there. Even if all of them said it. They just couldn't see straight.

I remembered Kate's words about not seeing clear, and she'd been right; until now, I hadn't been able to see clearly because of love. Love for the people in my family, the people in my life. Now everything was carved in stone, every detail. It was written in my mind with fire, fire as hot and excruciating as the one that had changed me. And the fire would expand and surround everyone around me if things continued the way it was going.

But I had promised not to do what I was thinking about. I had promised it over and over again. And how could I do it after what happened with Tanya? It wouldn't be fair to those who loved me.

But with time, they would forgive me, and they would see that I had made the right choice.

And so the decision was set.

I only hoped I would be able to do it.

-

Jasper had gone easy on me the whole day, but maybe that was because I had been going easy. He sat in the couch with Edward and Emmett, cheering over some game. I remembered Charlie – he'd always liked baseball, which I was pretty sure was what was on the screen right now.

Carlisle, Esme and Rosalie was discussing the possibilities of a new home.

Irina and Eleazar was playing chess. Kate watched without any real interest.

Alice and Carmen was out hunting. Exactly what I needed.

I got up from my chair. No one but Jasper looked at me, but I just shook my head at him, and he turned back to the TV. He must understand I wasn't 'up to no good'.

Trying not to catch anyone's attention, I walked silently to the stairs and up to Kate's room where my stuff was.

I'd never had much, and after our run from Forks I had even less, but I had clothes. I found a bag, since I'd lost my own, and hoped that Kate would forgive me. I began filling the back with the clothes, choosing only the things that I liked the most, the shoes that were easiest to wear. Besides, high heels could look pretty weird when you came around places.

When I was finished, I tried to listen if anybody had gotten up. No, they were all still there, and luckily the slightest bit louder than before. That wouldn't stop them from hearing, though, but they wouldn't think of following – they didn't know what I was doing. Unless someone came up to me now, my plan was going to work.

I tried not to think too much about what I was doing – I just did it. It hurt too much to think, it was easier to be passive and let the mind be blank.

I found pen and paper, but as I started to write the first letter, I couldn't stop feeling anymore, and everything came crashing down around me. I bit my lip to make sure I didn't make noise and sat down. I hid my face in my hands and tried to keep my breathing even. Part of me wished for tears, while the rest of me was glad I couldn't cry. If I could, I would be in hysterics, and that would definitely give me away.

I finally put myself together by reminding myself that I didn't have much time. I turned back to the paper. I couldn't write anything major. I couldn't stand having to write everything down. So I kept it simple.

Sorry.

Then I folded the paper nicely and laid it on the bed. It wouldn't be found until after a few hours, and then I'd be gone. I left my cell phone beside the paper. It was safer if they didn't contact me, at least for a while. In a few years, we could see each other again. And then I wouldn't be newborn anymore, and Jasper could ease up, because then he could take me without effort.

I winced.

Then I yanked the bag on my shoulder and walked down the stairs. I couldn't walk through the living room with the back, so I silently dropped it out a window before walking to the front door.

"Where are you going?" Kate unfortunately asked.

I kept a leveled face. "Hunting," I answered.

She came to my side. "I'll go with you. I'm bored."

I forced myself not to grimace. "Actually, I wanted to do this alone."

She looked stunned at me, almost … Rejected.

I realized this would be the last time I saw her in a long time, and everything inside me softened, and I reached for her to hug her tightly.

"I'm sorry, but I have to do this." I looked around in the living room. Several eyes were looking questioningly at me. I should just go. I was awakening their curiosity. But I couldn't just walk away.

I caught their eyes, and tried to smile. I wished Alice and Carmen were there, but I knew that I couldn't do the right thing then. Alice would stop me. She might already have seen me leaving. Yes, she probably had. I had tried to keep the thought out of my mind so that she wouldn't notice, and it had seemed to work, but now it was too late.

Jasper was looking suspiciously at me, and I was sure that he would be the first one to figure it out.

I waved. "Goodbye."

In that moment, I knew that he had already figured it out, and he nodded at me, smiling. I didn't think it meant "yes you're doing the right thing" more "I'm going to miss you, come back soon. This is your decision."

He must have kept the thought somewhat out of his head, because Edward simply looked at me with incredulous eyes.

But I couldn't look back. I had to do this to protect him and my family, but if I looked at him, I wouldn't be able to do it.

The phone rang in that moment.

I ran outside and quickly got my bag before leaving for the forest. I ran as fast as I could, but as I did, he kept coming into my mind. Edward. My Edward.

Could he forgive me? Forgive me for doing this, for what I'd done, for not being good enough for him?

I sped up. Maybe some of them had gone looking for me; Edward definitely had. And Edward was fast. Too fast for his own good.

I duck my feet into the ground, knowing it would leave a trail, but I also knew that this would get me faster forward.

Triumph filled me as I did not hear anyone behind me, then sadness. They had accepted my decision, but I hadn't expected them not even to try to convince me not to do this. Maybe I had read Jasper's expression wrong and he had told them not to follow.

But just as the thoughts were running through my mind, I heard him.

I could make out that sound anywhere at any time.

Edward was coming.

I didn't know if I should groan or laugh. I did neither. I just tried to speed up, but it was hard as I was already running maximum. I wasn't fast enough, but I had to be. I had to outrun him! Just this once.

Silly, someone said in my mind, and I knew who it was. It was my better judgment. He'll follow you all around the globe if he has to.

No, answered her fiercely and bit my lower lip. He didn't love me that much, he didn't. He'd just told himself that he did, because he'd been alone all that time.

"Bella!"

"No!" I murmured, listening to the truth that had to be true. It simply had to.

He was coming closer now, I could hear it.

"Bella!" Too close.

I couldn't run faster, though I tried. I grasped for trees and rocks and bushes to push myself forward, leaving devastating destruction behind me. I distantly heard the things being smashed again as he ran through them.

"Bella, stop!"

The edge in his voice did the job; I stopped. I didn't know why, but something in my head snapped and made my feet freeze. It was the anger and agony in his voice.

It took only seconds before he was there, but I looked at the ground.

I saw his feet come into view, and then I felt his hands on my shoulders. That unfreezed me, and I stepped back.

"Don't," I whispered. I couldn't hear anyone else.

"Bella, what are you doing?" he demanded and simply just put his hands back on my shoulders. This time I didn't step away.

"What I should have done a long time ago. I'm only bringing trouble to this family –"

"Your family, Bella! Don't leave! Why would you leave now that everything is all right?"

I looked up into his eyes. The pain I saw in his eyes stung, and I stopped breathing.

"Everything is not fine, Edward!"

"You promised you wouldn't leave," he pointed out.

"I can't keep that promise if it means leaving my family in risk. Face it, Edward; I'm a danger magnet, and I bring chaos everywhere I go!"

"No, Bella –"

"Yes, Edward! I'm right, and we both know it, so don't try to deny it!"

He looked at me with fierce eyes, and I could feel his grip tighten. "Where will you go?" he asked.

I shrugged. "I don't know. Away."

"When did you plan on getting back?" he asked.

"In a few years, then Jasper won't have to worry so much, either!" I glared at him.

"You could have at least thought it through! Alice didn't even see it!"

I realized that Alice would not let anything hold her away, and maybe Edward was just holding me here, waiting for her to come. I struggled against his arms.

"Let me go!"

"No!" he growled. "Damn it, Bella, I won't let you leave! Do you even realize what that would do to everyone?" he asked, and then said quieter: "What it would do to me."

I winced. "They'll get over it."

"You don't give them enough credit! They love you! And so do I!"

"And I love you!" I answered and stubbornly looked into his eyes – which I shouldn't have done. All those mixed, sad feelings washed through me again, leaving me cautious about what I was doing. But I couldn't turn back. Not now. "I love you all," I breathed, determined. "That is why I have to do this."

"But the wolves –"

"Will come back!"

"Jacob –"

"Come on, Edward! They're werewolves!"

It was his time to look away now, and I could see the grief on his face.

I forgot about Alice and anyone who might be coming. I embraced him with all my heard and strength and hid my face in his chest. This would be my goodbye.

"Stay," he whispered in my ear.

"I'll be back."

Then I forced myself out of his arms and took the first step away from –

He reached out and took my hand. "I'll go with you," he said.

"No!" I growled. "You're the one I want least in danger!"

"If you're a danger magnet, you won't last for long out there alone!" Edward stated. "If you're leaving, I'm going with you. I can't stay away from you, Bella. You're my life now, and I won't lose my life again."

I bowed my head. He wasn't going to back out. I thought about my options and realized I didn't have any.

"Fine," I groaned.

He wrapped his arms around me and kissed my forehead. "So where are we going first?" he asked cautiously.

"First," I answered, "we're going to La Push."

-

I'm not with them anymore. I left. Please, let them go back or at least leave them alone.

Bella.

-

I wrote the address on the convolute and put it in the mailbox. I turned to face Edward who looked down at me with unfathomable eyes. He held an umbrella. Just a prop.

"When do you think he'll get it?" I asked.

"Soon, I guess," he answered. The letter was addressed for Jacob Black, since he was the alpha. He put an arm around my shoulder. "Let's go."

He pulled me toward the taxi that was going to drive us to the airport. We could have run, but we were too near La Push. If we were with humans, they wouldn't attack us. We still kept an eye out for the forest.

Edward had made one last call to Carlisle – I hadn't supported it – to ask for money. I didn't like it – leaving them and then calling to rip them of money. The American way.

But they were glad to help. I was glad it was Carlisle in the phone – the others would have just pleaded for us to come home. But Carlisle said that it was our choice and that we could come home whenever we wanted.

And now we were on our way to the airport to leave. We would soon be at the point of no return.

-

I did not like this chapter. The decision wasn't out of character, but the rest of it was. Argh! I may redo this chapter some day because I really am unhappy with it! Grrr! Stupid chapter! . Stupid writer! (Me).

I would be very happy if you guys would please write to me in a review and tell me which chapter you liked the most and why. Then I can try to redo the success :)

Cake for anyone who does!

But the cake is a lie!

Still, fake-cake for anyone who does!

Love

Dawn