As a quick note, this has only been edited by me so all the mistakes are mine. I've had some beta offers, which is very appreciated, and I'm still thinking things through. Right now, I want to get some of these chapters out of the way so I can get to the good stuff...
And thank you to everyone who leaves such heartfelt, thoughtful, and kind reviews. I know I always say thanks, but I can't explain how deeply grateful I am to receive such amazing comments. It's both flattering and humbling.
I hope to have the next chapter up by the end of the weekend, but, until then, enjoy this one. :)
"Tell me, how did you let them in? We were all silent secret agents, but the resistance is wearing thin. Dissent is now illegal-she must pay the consequence."-Third Eye Blind "Red Star"
"Come on, Pen," JJ looked at Garcia with wide blue eyes. "Please. I know you can figure out where he is." Garcia sighed, ponytails bobbing slightly, as she pinched the bridge of her nose. She knew this question would come sooner or later and she shouldn't have been surprised that it was JJ who asked first.
"Jayj," Garcia struggled to find the right words to comfort her friend. "Hotch said we shouldn't try to contact Reid." JJ glared at her with eyes that were now scarily composed.
"I need to see him." Garcia sighed again. Something told her she wouldn't win this battle. The tiny, dark room felt warm, heated by the multiple computer towers that composed the system in Garcia's office.
"It may not even be in here." Garcia said, already turning towards the black keyboard accented by various, colorful figurines and flouncy, feather-decorated pens.
"Well, we know he's at a rehab for people in this profession. If Morgan drove him, it can't be too far." JJ began.
"How do you know Morgan took Reid?" Garcia queried, turning to face the media liaison. Penelope knew because Morgan told her, but how JJ found out, she had no idea.
"I have my ways." JJ did not meet the analyst's gaze, and Garcia turned back to the keyboards.
"I hate profilers..." She mumbled. Yes, she was curious to see where Reid was too, but she had her nightly emails. That was enough. As much as she hated to admit it, Hotch was right-this was Reid's journey.
"I'm not a profiler,' JJ argued.
"Please," Penelope joked. "You can fend of an army of reporters with a stoic stare. You're a female Hotch." Although she had no expected it, Garcia was glad to hear JJ chuckle. It had been a while since the warm sound had penetrated her ears.
"I know it sucks not knowing how Reid's doing, JJ, but maybe," Garcia looked at her friend once more, noticing how she avoided meeting her gaze, "Maybe Hotch is right. Maybe Reid needs to do this on his own."
"And I suppose what happened after the aftermath the Hankel case was his way of dealing with everything on his own too?" This time, JJ locked eyes with Garcia, who broke the barrier first.
"I dunno about this JJ," Garcia debated, frowning at the blond standing next to her chair. "What if Hotch finds out?" For a fleeting moment, Garcia imagined Hotch's eyes actually shooting fire at her.
"Please." The soft, pleading voice broke Garcia's heart in two. She bit her bottom lip and watched as her hands moved for themselves. She knew this was wrong on a professional level, but her instincts, which she so often relied on, told her that it wasn't the worst thing she could do. JJ was her friend and if she needed to see Reid, who was Garcia to stop this urge?
"Alright, let's see what I can find…" There was a flourish of fingers on black keys, and the familiar, comforting sound of pressing plastic filled Garcia's ears.
"Alright, there are a total of 50 rehabs in the state of Virgina."
"Ok, well, narrow that down to anything within a few hours from here." In a few taps, the number disappeared to 15.
"Make sure none of those are women's only facilities." Two disappeared. JJ stared at the screen, estimating the few facts she knew.
"JJ-" Garcia began. Instincts or not, Garcia didn't like how wrong this felt. Hotch always had a reason for requesting certain boundaries, whether for personal or professional instances.
"Look, Penelope," JJ's voice was angry, but wavering, although Garcia noted it wasn't from rage. "I know what Hotch said, and I don't give two shits." Garcia blinked, trying to hide the surprise that she knew lined her face. Since when was JJ this vulgar?
"I haven't slept well since Hotch told us, ok?" JJ tried to keep her voice void of feeling, but Garcia sensed the large expanse of the last few weeks rushing forward. Her bottom lip trembled, her eyes welled, and it would just be a matter of time before everything spilled over into the open.
"Oh, JJ…" Garcia trailed off, grabbing the agent's hand in her own. As if Garcia's grasp was granting her permission, JJ let the tears push outwards, traveling down her cheeks.
"It's my fault Reid got into that mess in the first place." Garcia knew it came down to this-to the fact that JJ and Reid had split up that night on the Hankel farm, and it had been Reid, not her, who had been taken by Tobias. It was a point everyone on the team argued against because it could have been any one of them in that situation, but it had been a steadfast source of guilt for JJ.
"You know that it's not your fault." Garcia argued.
"That's not how it feels." The only sound in the cave-like room was the hum of computer monitors.
"I have to go visit Spence. I have to know he's okay." JJ didn't know how to explain the unidentifiable panic that filled her whole. On most days, she could quell its rising by mundane mounds of paperwork, the new cases she presented to the team, or the endless thudding of her feet against the treadmill's gray conveyor belt. It was all too easy to forget the dark Georiga night, the blood soaked barn, the foamed and fanged mouths of the dogs, and the images of Reid being tortured on a blurred computer screen. Yet, at night, the memories of what had been or what could have been assaulted JJ's subconscious, filling her with a very real sense of dread that she had to see Reid.
"Alright," Garcia nodded, blinking away her own tears. Guilt burned in her stomach, but her friends needed her. This was not the time to argue.
"This center," Garcia scanned the Adam's Rehabilitation Center website contents for further proof that it was where Reid was. "Says it's for law enforcement professionals."
"What kind?" JJ felt something similar to electricity surge through her veins.
"Their website says military, cops, detectives…" Garcia swallowed deeply before continuing. "And government officials." JJ did not dare release her next breath, speaking very quickly.
"Where is it?"
"Two hours away." Garcia knew she was right when the immediate,unmistakable warmth hit her bloodstream.
"He's there," JJ whispered. Garcia nodded, staring at her motionless, ring-decorated fingertips hovering above the keyboard. She knew, with just a few taps, she could hack into the rehab's system, finding every little detail about Reid, his treatment, and anything else she'd possibly want to know.
"I can lose my job, you know?" Garcia mentioned flatly. She had to make JJ realize that she had submitted to her initial request, but would go no further in her attempts.
"I know, Penelope." JJ's posture was suddenly straight. Her eyes had lost their glossiness, and determination set her jaw firmly in a hard line.
"Thanks. I really appreciate it." JJ gave Garcia's shoulders a strong squeeze. The look Garcia was receiving from the blue orbs told her the statement was true. She sighed, exhausted.
"Just keep it on the DL okay?" JJ nodded vehemently, her blond hair shaking slightly against her shoulders.
"I owe you, Garcia." Penelope watched as JJ turned towards the door, stopping when her hand reached the cool knob.
"Don't worry about it. You'd do the same for me." JJ smiled and nodded, asserting Garcia's statement as correct.
"Do you want me to tell him you say hi and that you miss him?" It was more a statement than a question. Garcia felt a shaky smile tug her lips upwards.
"Of course." She agreed, turning back to her computer screens once JJ disappeared into the hallway, closing the door to the outside world behind her.