A special thanks to everyone who kept asking me to post! I really did appreciate the support.

I do apologize for waiting this long to get this out, but I swear I'm going to keep the promises I've made to you guys! I've got a little non-Twilight something at the end of the chapter for you guys to check out if you want, though.

No matter what I dream, I don't own Twilight. That's all Stephenie.

--

BPOV

I don't know what's worse, that Edward was gone from my room before I was ready for it—although no matter what the case I could never have been ready—or that he left before I'd ever gained the strength to look back up at him. I didn't have that one last image of him to keep with me, but maybe that was a blessing in disguise. I'm not sure how I would have handled having that tortured expression seared in my mind.

At first, I ran over to my window and stuck my head out, hoping ridiculously that I would catch a brief glimpse of him before he made it out of eyesight. I knew better, though. Edward was much faster than that. By the time I looked out my window, he was already probably a quarter of the way back home. That was when it hit me.

Edward was gone.

My knees never felt so weak before. They could not have supported my weight even if I lost a couple limbs and all my internal organs. It felt like I had. I collapsed on the ground and hit my head against the windowsill on the way down, but I barely felt it. The only thing I felt was this deep, sickening sensation in my chest. It felt like someone had ripped my heart out through my throat. Maybe Edward had.

I stayed on the floor, dazed and not trying to get myself off the floor. I was barely aware of the feeling of water pooling along the bridge of my nose and along my hairline. They must have been tears.

I heard footsteps run up the stairs and suddenly Charlie was in my room by my door.

"Bella!"

I had enough sense to make sure that the bite mark on my neck was covered. As I reached up to rub the place where my head had hit, I brushed some of my hair to cover it up.

"What were you doing out of bed?" he asked as he knelt down beside me and grabbed me around my waist and under my elbow and picked me up off the ground. "You should have called for me, Bells."

I couldn't find my voice. Edward must have taken that, too.

"Are you hurt? Is your head sore?" He led me back to my bed and eased me down.

I shook my head 'no.' The only thing that was sore was the empty space where my heart used to be.

"If you're really this sick maybe I should take you down to the hospital..."

The idea of Carlisle immediately lit something in me. It might have been hope, but whatever it was it gave me strength. If I could talk to Carlisle, maybe I could get him to talk to Edward for me. I knew it was a long shot that I could get Edward to change his mind, but somehow I knew that Carlisle would be my best chance.

Charlie helped me into his cruiser and drove us to the hospital. If I still had a heart, it would probably be speeding up. My knees were jumping up and down the entire ride and for the first time in a while I found myself getting anxious. What was I going to say to Carlisle that would possibly do anything? I had no idea what I would say or ask, but I had the strange feeling that with every passing moment, my chances of fixing this were shrinking.

I got checked into the hospital and one of the hospital staff led me into a waiting room. My hands started shaking, so I started taking deep breaths and sat with my hands wedged under my legs. It didn't really help.

When the doctor came in I took it as a bad omen that he was in his mid forties with graying black hair. I didn't pay attention when he introduced himself; this was not the doctor I had wanted. He started asking me questions about how I was feeling, and since I wasn't really sick I lied and gave him a list of common symptoms: dizziness, headache, fatigue, upset stomach, anything he couldn't really check for. He took out his stethoscope and listened to my heart. According to him it was still there. He clearly needed to get his hearing checked.

"Do you know if Dr. Cullen is here today?" I asked as he turned to his clipboard and jotted down his observations.

"I'm sorry he's not. He turned in his resignation yesterday evening."

"He did?" Charlie asked. He looked over at me, as though he was putting together pieces of a puzzle. "Why'd he do that?"

The doctor shrugged his shoulders and set the board down. "Not sure. Word around here is that the whole family's moving out. Things have been really busy around here since he left, though. No one knows how Dr. Cullen did so much."

"Did he say where he's going?" I asked, but I was already losing myself. I had to focus everything in me to stay in the room and hear the response. The walls seemed to be slipping away.

The doctor shook his head. "He just said that they were going to move closer to some family. I don't know where that'd be."

--

Four weeks passed. I'm not sure where they went and it really didn't matter to me. I spent most of my time locked in my bedroom, and Charlie didn't know how to handle it. He would knock on my door, ask if he could give me something, and beg for me to come out. Occasionally he would threaten to call Renee, but it didn't bother me. I got a few worried emails from her, and I always wrote back that I was fine. That I'd had my heart broken but that I would recover. I just wanted to calm her down.

I knew that almost everything I told my mother was a lie. The truth was that I'd only known Edward for a very short time. I'd only known Edward for two months when he left. I hadn't been officially dating him for more than a couple weeks, but it changed everything.

Edward had become everything to me. He was the first guy I'd ever been comfortable with. I hadn't even known that would be possible. For years, I had been positive that there was something wrong with me, and that it would keep me from ever falling in love with anyone. After all, how was I supposed to date when I couldn't talk to guys?

What if I needed a guy with the patience that could only be obtained after 108 years of existence? Or what if I needed someone who had to proceed just as cautiously as I do? What if in order to be able to fall in love, it had to be with someone who had an instinct to kill me?

I knew I was being ridiculous on some level. Of course I was, but it didn't stop one the greatest fears I've ever known from rising in me: what if now that Edward was gone I would never find anyone else? There wasn't anyone else like Edward. Not even close. It was as though he was exactly what I needed in a guy. Where else would I find someone who was as caring, understanding, and patient? Where would I find a guy who would be genuinely glad if I ducked out of a kiss? Nowhere. Edward was one of a kind. He changed everything I thought I had known. I knew I would never find anyone like him again.

And he was gone.

Those first weeks without Edward were particularly hard. Mike didn't try to hide how pleased he was that the Cullens had left. Jessica, on the other hand, seemed to be sorry that Edward was gone, but I doubted it was because she truly felt bad for me. Judging by the way she made more of an effort to smile and laugh around Mike, I would say that she was worried that he would start pursuing me once again.

I didn't want her to feel sorry for me, anyway. I didn't want that sort of attention. I was much happier sulking on my own—out of the spotlight.

Angela was the one person who seemed to understand. She asked me if I wanted to talk about it once. I'd told her that I really didn't want to quite yet and she hadn't asked me about Edward since. Occasionally, if I tore myself away from a crowd I would catch a concerned expression on her face and she would find me later to see if I was okay.

I could function well enough on most days. It was easiest when I tried to keep myself busy. If I could keep myself from thinking about Edward, his absence got to me less. It was difficult to do this, though, when a large part of me wanted to think about him. I wanted to think about how gently he would stroke a finger down my cheek and how sweet his breath smelled. The way his voice rang when he said my name.

The days trudged by, and I reached the second week of March. I wasn't having an altogether bad day. Mike was slowly picking up his old routine, following me loyally between classes. I was relieved when I managed to walk to lunch sans my golden retriever friend. Both he and Angela headed for biology with me after lunch. I didn't notice immediately the fliers that had gone up during our lunch period.

"Oh, look," Angela said, motioning towards a neon yellow piece of paper posted by the cafeteria door. "I'd almost forgotten about the dance."

The paper had the words "Spring Dance" printed across the top in large, bold letters. Someone had drawn flowers and butterflies scattered around the next four lines.

March twenty-second

8:00-11:00 pm
Semi formal

Ladies' choice

My heart thumped in my chest. Not because I neither could nor liked to dance. Not because it meant dressing up in the sorts of clothes that I seldom wear by choice. Not because I was already anticipating that Mike would be making himself increasingly available in the two weeks leading up to the dance.

"I'd ask you to the spring dance, but I believe it's ladies' choice."

"That's not a problem. I'd be holding you the whole time. You wouldn't have the chance to fall."

I heard Edward's words as clearly as though he were right beside me. I stood rooted by the door, staring at the offending piece of paper that had reminded me how Edward had wanted to take me to the dance. I had insisted I didn't want to go. I would take that all back if I knew it meant he would come back to Forks.

"Bella." Mike was calling my name, though it seemed distant. I barely registered his voice, but it jarred me back to reality. I blinked a few times and focused back on my two friends. They wore matching expressions on their faces.

"Hey," Angela said. Her tone was concerned. "Are you okay?"

"Of course I am," I said, forcing myself to smile. The worry melted off Mike's face, but Angela studied me a moment longer. I knew she wasn't convinced. Mike jumped back into discussing possible plans for the weekend that I knew I would only attend to keep up a façade rather than because it appealed to me.

I felt Angela's eyes flicker over towards me more often than usual for the rest of the walk to biology. I made sure to send a reassuring smile her way before I took my usual seat at the table near the back of the room.

Mr. Banner might have been talking about fungi or root apexes. I really don't know. Once something reminds me of him I lose myself for at least half an hour. I sat at the table, closing my eyes occasionally and imagining that Edward was sitting next to me, just a couple inches away. I let myself believe that if I moved my elbow a bit to the side it would come in contact with something cold and hard. In my head, Edward was looking over at me, trying to figure out what I was thinking. Once the bell rang I could no longer live in my fantasy. Edward was still gone. He wasn't coming back.

I grabbed my books and headed for the door, where Mike was already waiting dutifully. He was smiling more brightly than the neon yellow dance fliers posted around the school. And so it begins.

I glanced around the room for Angela, who was picking a fallen notebook off the floor to put off inevitably joining Mike. I slowed down and kept my eyes on her, but eventually I had to admit to myself that I couldn't slow down anymore without looking like I was avoiding him.

Okay, so I was avoiding him, but I didn't want him to know that.

"Hey," he said as I turned to him once more, "you ready for gym?"

"Not even," I said.

Mike kept smiling anyway. "But we're done with volleyball today," he added helpfully.

"On to the next form of torture."

"Oh, it won't be so bad." Mike seemed hopeful that I would eventually find a sport that didn't put the whole class in danger. "Want me to carry your books?"

My breath caught. This was a step up for Mike. He hadn't tried anything like this since before I started seeing Edward. "It's fine," I said, "I can carry my own books."

"Alright, just offering." Mike's smile dimmed subtly, and with it my guilt grew.

"Actually," Angela said, stepping in next to me with her notebook in hand, "do you mind if I talk to Bella? Alone."

"Sure," Mike said, rebounding and turning to me. "I'll see you in gym."

Angela walked with me out of biology, and once Mike was out of hearing she stopped us.

"You still miss Edward," she said. She wasn't saying it as a question, but rather as an explanation for my behavior since I saw the fliers. It turns out someone had been watching me during class and trying to figure out my thoughts… only it wasn't the person I wished it was.

"Yeah, I do." The phantom heart in my chest thudded.

"I'm starting to get worried, Bella. This isn't good for you."

I guess she wasn't going to give me space about this anymore. "I know," I said.
"I'll be fine, though."

"Will you? I know Edward was important to you, but you didn't know him more than a couple months and you still can't let him go."

I sighed and looked away from Angela's probing gaze. She picked up on this and looked downward. "I'm sorry," she said.

"It's okay," I said. "I guess it's just hard for me with my history of—well you know," I said, referring to social anxiety disorder. Angela nodded to show she understood. "I just can't believe I can find someone else I'll be comfortable with."

Actually, that was only part of the issue, but Angela could never fully understand the pull Edward had on me. How could she? The relationship I had with Edward felt mythological in itself.

"Maybe, then, you should think about finding someone to talk to again," she said, her voice even softer as though she were afraid to suggest it.

"I don't think therapy will help me right now." If I mentioned what I really wanted to talk about I'd be diagnosed with a major case of schizophrenia as well. Just what I needed.

"Really, though, it's got to be better than what you're doing now."

"I'm not promising I'll do anything, but I'll think about it, okay?"

"I guess that's all I can ask."

When Angela and I parted ways, I was left with something other than Edward to think about. I couldn't be sure if Angela was right. Maybe I couldn't talk about the heart of my problems, but maybe I did have a few issues that needed to be dealt with. I had to face the possibility that I would never see Edward again. Even if I ever got over him I wasn't sure if I'd ever had the courage to enter a relationship with another guy. But would going to a therapist mean that I've given up on Edward? I don't think I ever could do that.

--

A/N

I hope you liked the chapter! I know it was kind of sad, but I'm starting to lead us up to something more exciting. Please review! I love me some reviews, haha

I just want to say that I'm not at all saying that Bella (or rather, anyone else with social anxiety disorder/social phobia) couldn't possibly fall in love with anyone else and that her only chance would be with someone completely supernatural, but having lost someone like Edward it is easy for her to think that way. It certainly was easier for her when she was paired with someone in Edward's situation. Bella would eventually find someone someday if Edward were to stay away… not that I would ever pair Bella with anyone other than Edward =)

I'll get working on my next chapter later on today. I don't know when I'll get the next one up, but I'm hoping to get one up within half a week.

Thanks for being awesome readers!

~Mel