Disclaimer is attached to the first chapter.
Note: Thanks for the follows, Bella184ever and Mountainpass!
Note 2: And thanks for the review, Mountainpass. The interplay amongst those three is so complicated. I'm psyched that it's still coming across alright. Lots more of the dark stuff is on the horizon!
Note 3: Thank you, thank you, TheOnlyPotato! I promise future chapters will be more eventful. I just couldn't pass up the opportunity to bring Chaff into it, even in such a minor way. For someone we barely meet in the books/movies, he strikes me as all kinds of cool. And he has to be pretty awesome if he's Haymitch's friend, right?
I think and hope that this story isn't even close to over. Nothing's more fun than writing. You know.
Capitol Nights, chapter 26
On the second night of the Tour, in District 10, Effie finds out that her two Victors don't know how to dance. She seems oddly surprised by this, in the two seconds before she switches over to denial.
"You mean you can't dance very well," she asserts firmly. "That's alright, my dears. No one expects you to be as skilled on the dance floor as Capitolite children would be."
From his chair in the corner, Haymitch smirks in amusement and takes another gulp of his drink. Here's to Effie- she's always good for a distraction.
"No, we really can't dance at all," Peeta repeats in a slightly apologetic tone. Effie's incredulity seems to demand an apology.
"There aren't a lot of dances in District 12," Katniss deadpans.
"But what about school dances? You're old enough to have been to a couple, surely…"
"School dances?" Katniss rolls her eyes. Only Capitolites.
"New Year's?" Effie asks, her hope dwindling.
"Sorry," Peeta says, shrugging.
"Not-sorry," Katniss mutters under her breath. She must disassociate herself from the pathological kindness.
"President Snow's birthday?" Effie tries in a small voice.
Katniss gives her a poisonous look. Peeta regards her closely, wondering if she's joking. She could be joking. Haymitch laughs, low and insinuating.
Apparently homing in on Haymitch's reaction as the only one of the three she knows what to do with, Effie rounds on him with a glare. "Couldn't you have done something about this? You knew there would be dances on the Tour! Didn't you do anything at all to get them ready?"
"Dancing definitely falls under your purview, not mine. I know because it doesn't involve blood and no one gets maimed, see?" Although Katniss's look says that might be more of a guideline than a rule.
"You've had six months with them," Effie fumes. "What did you do with all that time?"
Haymitch sits back and regards her, his teasing smile fading. What did he do with the last six months? "Well, Effie-"
"You can dance, Haymitch?" Peeta asks hurriedly, intercepting whatever replies Haymitch might have offered.
"No, I used to be able to dance. When I was sixteen. Before your parents ever got together and had the bright idea to procreate."
"You've danced with me before," Effie protests.
Peeta chokes on a bite of lemon cake and hastily grabs one of the cloth napkins from the table. Katniss guffaws in a distinctly unladylike fashion. Haymitch flushes and glares from one of them to the other before settling on Effie.
"You talk too much, Princess."
"Well, I must say I don't see what's so funny. Haymitch has danced with me on at least two or three occasions. He's really quite a good dancer when he isn't too drunk," she continues doggedly, raising her voice to be heard over Katniss's ever increasing merriment.
"Don't have a miscarriage, honey," Haymitch mutters, slumping down in his chair and taking a long pull of his drink.
"The image of you being all romantic-" Her explanation is broken by another spate of laughter. Catching her breath, she continues, "It's just too funny, in a really creepy, messed up way."
"Wasn't being romantic," Haymitch says defensively. "You give the girl what she wants, you get-" He stops abruptly, wide gray eyes sliding over to Effie.
"Haymitch Abernathy! There are children present!" Effie says severely.
"Oh, I don't think such things are entirely unknown to them," he returns, with a sardonic glance at Katniss.
"Further evidence that you've done absolutely nothing to guide them or teach them proper deportment in the last six months. No offense, children, you make a lovely couple," she throws in a quick aside to them.
"Uh, thanks," Peeta says, not at all certain it's the correct reply.
"But you're going to do better, Haymitch," Effie resumes her lecture. "Starting right now. You're going to help me teach them how to dance."
Haymitch makes an indistinct noise of general disagreement.
"Haymitch," Effie says meaningfully, "give the girl what she wants."
Haymitch casts a surprised look at her that quickly turns into a smile. "Get up, Katniss."
Katniss looks indignantly from him to Peeta. Peeta, in any event, is clearly of no help. He's trying not to laugh.
"Go on," he tells her cheerfully. "I don't mind a bit."
"Oh, well, as long as you don't mind," Katniss says sarcastically as she stands and faces Haymitch.
Haymitch steps closer to her, uncomfortably close, invading her space. He takes her right hand in his left. "Don't worry, the glitter's not going to rub off on you," he drawls. His other hand finds her waist. "Put your hand on my shoulder."
"Anytime you start minding this, Peeta, you just let me know," Katniss says, reluctantly obeying the instruction.
"Haymitch," Effie says in an impatient tone. "There's no point doing this if you refuse to do it right."
"Of course, Princess," he accedes. He lets go of Katniss and takes a couple of steps back. Then he executes a graceful bow that, combined with everything else about his bearing at the moment, gives more of an impression of dangerous insanity barely held in check than one of courtliness. Katniss awkwardly copies the movement, drawing an exasperated tut from Effie.
"No, no, no, Katniss! Gentlemen bow; ladies curtsey."
"Lady?" Haymitch scoffs at Katniss. "I suppose in the broadest sense of the word…"
The reply to this is too obvious to bother voicing. Instead, Katniss conveys it perfectly with a sneer that might have been copied from Haymitch's own repertoire.
"Why must you two be so unpleasant to each other?" Effie asks.
"Don't bother," Peeta tells her. "This is actually friendly for them. They're doing really well so far. Proud of you both!" he adds, grinning.
"Shut up, kid," Haymitch snaps at exactly the same time Katniss says, "Shut up, Peeta." Then they go back to glaring at each other.
"What's a curtsey?" Katniss asks.
"Bend your knees and lift your skirt," Haymitch tells her with an exaggerated leer.
"This is a fine time for you to stop being over-protective, Peeta," Katniss says, crossing her arms.
"That's not what curtsey means!" Effie protests. "Well, it is, but- Here, watch me." She curtsies gracefully. "The idea is to keep the hem of your dress off the ground. Not-," she throws a dirty look in Haymitch's direction, "to raise your skirt up."
"That's stupid," Katniss opines.
"More stupid than bowing to a damn teenager?" Haymitch says sullenly. Somewhere in the background, Peeta drops his head into his hands.
"I can't believe I'm stuck doing this with you. You-" She stops, then finishes obscurely, "You can't even hunt." Effie tilts her head confusedly at the non sequitur.
"Well, aren't you conceited."
"I'm not dancing. Tell them I have chicken pox or something," Katniss says, turning away and crossing her arms.
"Come on, Katniss," Peeta urges her. "You know we're going to have to dance." He considers advising her to choose her battles. No, that would only make her dig in her heels.
"I'll dance with Peeta," Katniss concedes. "That's it."
"No accounting for taste," Haymitch says with a shrug.
"Why must you make everything so much harder than it is?" Effie asks in exasperation.
"Hey, I was going to play along with this farce. She's the one who refused," Haymitch protests.
"I was talking to her," Effie says. It occurs to her that the question could be addressed to either of them with equal validity and usually at least four times a day. "Oh, dear," she says faintly.
"What's wrong?" Peeta asks her with a tinge of concern.
"Oh, nothing, really," Effie replies, attempting to sound calm. "I just realized that from now on my workload has doubled."
"Welcome to my world," Peeta says. "Support meetings are on alternate Tuesdays."
Katniss sketches a curtsey that vaguely resembles Effie's demonstration. "Bow," she snaps at Haymitch. "You just became the lesser evil."
"Fine, fine, just don't sit on me," Haymitch says, bowing.
"I'm not fat, you jackass. I'm pregnant," Katniss grits out as she takes the hand he offers her and puts her other hand on his shoulder. "Do I need to explain to you where babies come from?"
"You probably need to focus on this, honey. I step forward, you step back. It will be harder for you, what with not being able to see your toes."
"Is this still 'friendly' for them?" Effie asks Peeta quietly.
"I'll let you know when we need to pull them apart," Peeta says.
"Now we make it even more asinine by turning in slow circles," Haymitch instructs.
"Ow! You did that on purpose. Jackass."
"Step back and I won't step on your foot," he says slowly, as though explaining something to the village idiot.
Katniss gives a frustrated growl and stomps on Haymitch's foot, drawing a hiss from him.
"Alright, I think I've got it now," Peeta says, standing up quickly. "Mind if I cut in?"
"She's all yours," Haymitch says, stepping away. "'Til death doth you part. Good luck with that."