The song for this chapter is Afrakite - Grown apart watch?v=qhiKsH5fNQQ

A/N: So head's up I experimented with a little raunchiness in Octavia's pov, so if you don't like it don't read it. Lesbehonest. Chapter rated M for sexual situations.

AIDEN'S POV:

"You really going through with this?" I looked my sister.

She never came out to play. Too focused on work. I she didn't plan and attend all of our work events I'd say she was introverted. Now she was standing between Lincoln and Octavia in a black skirt, a grey halter top, and black heels. She's been more dolled up, but never in something this promiscuous. And it was clear it was all for Lincoln. He pulled her to the dance floor, she went stiffly.

Lexa clung to my side for what had to be because this atmosphere was so not what she was used to. Gyrating bodies, music that made it's way to your bones, heavy mixtures of colognes and sweat with lingerings of alcohol.

I turned toward her. "What do you think?" I asked her, my hand rested on the small of her back.

She leaned in close, her blue eyes holding a tiny bit of fear. "Too soon to tell." Her guarded eyes held curiosity. "You do this every night?"

I shrugged. "When the need hits."

Her brow arched. "When is that?"

"When I get bored. This is my life, Commander."

She gave a short chuckle. "You dance to this music? It's barbaric."

"You have to really dance to it to know what it's like." I nudged her forward with a willing grin. "Go ahead."

She glared at me. "I can't dance."

"What?"

She gestured to the crowd of swaying bodies. "I've never danced like that before."

Was she self-conscious?

"So let's remedy that." I tugged her along. My hands wrapped around her waist, bringing her closer to me. I rocked and swayed along her. She seemed to tense at first and wasn't letting up. My lips found her ear. "Loosen up, Commander. No one is exactly paying attention to us. They're too focused on themselves, so if you mess up they won't see."

By the end of the first song she had lost some of the tension in her body. The tiny grin on her lips said she was enjoying herself. I wasn't sure if she approved of our closeness, but in the last day or two that's all we've been. I turned her around and she let her arms swing about freely, and while it wasn't great it wasn't terrible

. I chuckled. "Having fun?"

She nodded.

"Good."

I held out my hand for her to take and we twirled around for who knew how long, letting ourselves over to the music. The pure look of happiness in her usually guarded blue eyes made me feel ten times better, made me forget about my troubles with James, made me forget that I was in love with a women that was in love with someone else. On that thought, my eyes shifted to Clarke standing alone for across the club, instantly finding her golden blonde curls. She looked great in anything, but that dress was doing her wonders.

Lexa turned towards her, looking to where she stood. "She is gorgeous, isn't she?"

I sighed at knowing I couldn't have her.

"Why don't we ask her to dance?" She asked.

I turned her back around. "No, she's okay." Probably waiting for Bellamy.

We started dancing again, but this time I was the stiff one.

"You're still focused on Clarke, aren't you?"

I looked down at her. "Sorry." My eyes went back to Clarke as she shoved some guy away from her. My hands moved Lexa aside as I headed for Clarke, every instinct in my telling me to end this asshole who so obviously trying to reveal himself to her. I grabbed his tshirt, pulling him a few feet back.

He scrambled out of my grasp like a slippery snake. Grey eyes stared back at me. "What is wrong with you asshole?" He mumbled, piss drunk.

I shoved him back. "She told you no. Take a hint."

He grinned at her. "Her mouth said no, but her eyes said fuck me."

My brain didn't have time to talk me out of it, my fist started hitting him over and over and over until he was on bleeding on the ground. Clarke's voice spoke in the background, but I couldn't hear her. All I saw was the an asshole who thought he could take what he wanted without consequences, without regard for anyone else's feelings. James' face blurred with the guy on the grounds. My mind flashed back to the beatings Talia and Evan didn't know about. The slaps upside the head. The night's I cried myself to sleep, wishing I could go outside the walls, wishing I could find my real family. Wishing I didn't have to feel like everything that went wrong was my fault. Wishing that I didn't have to marry off one of the girls from the sky. Wishing that someone wanted me. My mind went to Clarke. Hands grabbed at me, pulling me off.

Bellamy let go of me, his eyes searching mine.

I looked at Clarke. She looked a mixture between frightened and sympathetic. I headed for the door, not wanting to see that in her eyes because of me. A guard approached me.

"Mr. Wyatt, we have to ask you to leave."

I walked past him. "Yeah, I know." I pushed out the door, not being able to decide what I was feeling. Everything swirled around in me. Oddly enough, the place I could forget about all that just kicked me to the curb.

"Aiden!"

I kept walking.

"Would you slow down? I can't run in these stupid high heels."

I didn't care about her problems right now. I had enough of my own.

She caught up to me, her heels in hand. Reserved blue eyes stared up at me, her free hand on my arm. She didn't say anything, just stared at me. My eyes stung and I blinked back the tears.

"I'm fine." I told her, knowing she was about to ask.

She shook her head. "No, you're not."

I sighed. "What do you want me to say? I didn't mean to beat up that guy that badly. Once I started I couldn't stop."

She shrugged, her eyes forgiving. "Shit happens."

Despite myself I gave a wry laugh as we headed down the street.

"You want to talk about it?"

"Not really."

"Too bad. We're living together at the moment, so it's kind of my business."

She was right, but it didn't have to be her business.

"I love her," I sighed again. "It doesn't make sense, I've only known her for a few days, but I've been watching her for months. All of you for months. I shouldn't have expected her to feel the same way."

"Well, what do you expect? You kidnapped her away from her people, her boyfriend."

My eyes narrowed. "Aren't you supposed to be giving me a pep talk."

"That's not what I do. I tell people what they need to hear. Did you think I was feared as Commander by appeasing to everyone's feelings?"

For a moment, I wondered what that must've been like. She must've been through a lot. They had to live a life I was so close to being apart of if the Wyatts hadn't found me. Someone would've found me. The also angered me. No one wanted me. "What do you know? You're not in my shoes." I threw at her as I stalked away.

"Hey!" She grabbed my arm, swinging me back to her. "You think I don't know what you've been through? That I don't understand the kind of responsibility, the kind of pressure you're under? I've had to lead hundreds of my men into war, knowing that most of them wouldn't make it. I've had to sacrifice the one I loved. I've had to make the hard choices, knowing that if I made the wrong one my people would pay with their life." Her voice faltered. "So don't tell me what I don't know, Aiden."

Her words sunk in and I realized that not was I a big asshole, but that Lexa and I were one and the same. That thought comforted me despite our current argument. She had let me stay with her when I was drunk off my ass, let me have some fun and get my mind off of Clarke. She got my mind on other things. Things like how even though my mind was with Clarke, my body was with her. Seeing her riled up did something to me. My eyes roamed her body in that black dress. I knew what was underneath, I felt it all against my body.

"Why are you staring at me like that?"

My eyes met hers. "Like what?"

A smirk played on her lips. "You know like what." Her hand moved up to my bicep.

I wasn't sure if she was aware of that or not. Deciding not to temp my bad luck with women, I laughed. This was actually a little bit amusing.

"What's so funny?" She moved her hands to her side.

"Us." I pulled her along. "We're exactly alike."

Her brow rose. "How so?"

I gave her a look. Instead of answering her question I said, "Thanks for kind of caring about me."

She looked taken aback. "Oh...um...you're welcome." She gave me a tight grin.

OCTAVIA'S POV:

My head throbbed as I rolled over in bed, a too loud groan echoed in the room. That wasn't mine. My hand felt around on the bed, finding another body beside me. I peeked an eye open only to find a girl. A rather hot girl naked and sprawled openly on the bed. I took in the room, noticing it wasn't familiar. It must've belonged to her.

Violet eyes found mine and a grin came over her pale heart shaped face. Reddish brown hair splayed across the beige pillows. "Good morning."

The night before came in bits and pieces and I assumed I met her at the club, but I couldn't manage to recall how we met. Would she be insulted? Wait, why did I care? Just then I realized I was naked too. Fuck.

Her tiny yet surprisingly strong hands grabbed my hips as I tried to form a coherent sentence, pulling me close to her. She went down lower on bed and before I could figure out what she was doing I was moaning and I didn't want to stop feeling the pleasure she was giving me. My hands held her head in place as my hips bucked off the bed. My mind thought of Murphy as he was before he drowned. How he looked at me made me feel so incredibly desirable and loved. How he never stopped caring for me even when I checked out. How he challenged me when no one else would. A grin found my lips as I thought of him doing this to me. I pretended that the Violet eyes looking at me were danger blue and the finger that slid inside of me was his. I whimpered. Not even ten minutes later I was panting in satisfaction.

Guilt sprouted in my chest. Johnny could care less about my sexual escapades, but if I got Murphy back how would I explain this to him. I couldn't. He'd be crushed. Actually, now that I think about it, he'd probably would want to watch. I shook my head in a mix of amusement and disbelief.

"Thank you, but I should probab-" I stopped and stared as her hips mounted mine and she rocked against me.

She bit her very pink bottom lip as she stared at me with carnal violet eyes. I didn't know if I could manage to think of Murphy while doing this, but I tried my hardest. Although, I should be the one on top if I was with Murphy. I mean, I really wanted to ride him. My body flipped her over as I controlled the pressure of our pelvises together. I closed my eyes and her hands were his as I gasped.

Moments later we were both slumped lazily on the bed. She met my eyes with a satisfied smirk. "I wasn't sure if you could go another round after last night."

My face reddened as I rolled of her. What the fuck did I do last night?

Her face saddened. "You don't remember last night?" She sighed.

I rose from the bed, determined to forget that I just imagined having sex with Murphy when I was with someone else. My stomach dropped. Disgusted with myself, I dressed in my clothes from last night that laid on the floor. My eyes stung. How could I do that? How could I do Murphy like that? Johnny didn't give a rat's ass about my debauchery, but Murphy...He'd care a whole hell of a lot more. He'd be crushed. That guilt thickened my throat. I had to get out of here.

"O, you don't have to leave."

My attention snapped to her as my defenses went up. "Don't call me that. Ever." That nickname was reserved for my brother, Clarke, and Murphy. Nobody else. Well...maybe Indra.

Indra!

We've been here for three days and I haven't even seen her! What if something happened to her? She's not exactly the nicest person. I didn't blame her for her behavior. She's the Chief of Tondc. A War Chief. A Grounder. None of those were titles to be taken lightly.

I headed for the front door without another word. I took out the phone the Wyatts supplied us with and dialed Lincoln's number. After a few rings he didn't answer and I was about to hang up when he muttered a hello. Grumbled was more like it.

"Lincoln, it's Octavia."

"I know. I have Caller ID."

Oh. Someone's a bucket of sunshine.

"Look, I need to see Indra, but I don't know where she's staying. Can you go with me? I need to see how she's adjusting." I paced the hallway.

"Sure. What else do I have to do at eight in he morning."

My brow rose. "What crawled up your butt?"

"I'll meet you at your place in a half an hour." He hung up.

What the hell?

I was going to give him an ear full when I saw him.

My body was sore, but it wanted to run back to my apartment. Only I didn't know where I was. I looked around and realized from the door numbers and same paintings hanging on the walls that I was down the hall from my apartment. Well, that wasn't going to be awkward.

I sighed as I made my way down the hall.

Lincoln knocked on my door thirty minutes later as promised. He wore dark glasses, workout shorts, a sleeveless shirt, and a scowl.

A tiny part of me was amused, the other ninety five percent was a little ticked that he got so sassy with me.

"You ready?"

I shoved him out the door. "Are you hungover?"

He pursed his lips. "Very. Let's go before-"

We turned to see Roma sneaking out of Murphy's apartment. She looked like a deer caught in headlights when she spotted us.

"Hey, Octavia. Lincoln."

All I could was stare at her. Anger bubbled up in me as I took in her clothes from yesterday. She slept over there. That's when Johnny came into view. My stomach wrenched. He stared at me like he felt guilty, but I knew he didn't want to. Had they slept together? Murphy wouldn't do that, not if he didn't love her. Johnny...I didn't know anything about Johnny. Maybe that was his thing.

Determined not to cry, I marched down the hall with Lincoln in tow. My feet shuffled down the stairs as my heart pounded in my chest. I shoved the door opened with a groan.

"I'm sure nothing happened."

"You don't know that."

Whatever.

"Let's just go to Indra's. I need to see her."

Not even fifteen minutes later we were standing in front of her door. She opened it, taking us in, she stepped aside.

"What are you doing here?"

My brow rose. "I was worried about you." I stepped past her and into her very bleak and dull apartment. I thought mine was pretty expressionless, but hers was void of anything dainty, anything colorful, anything worth having.

"I'm fine. If that's why you came by you can leave now."

I turned to her, wondering where this hostility was coming from. "Are you okay?"

She stared at me with emotionless brown eyes. "You're no longer my apprentice. There's no need for an army in this place. We don't need to pretend to care about each other."

I let what she said sink in. Indra cared about me, I knew it. She wouldn't have taken me on if she didn't care a little bit. When Murphy died, she was there for me, even if it was tough love, it was still love.

"We're not pretending. Just because we made it to the City of Light doesn't mean I'm not going to worry about you." I stepped closer to her.

She stepped out of the way, holding the door open. "You can show yourself out."

My forehead creased. "Indra,"

She looked away, staring off at the wall as she waited for us to leave. My eyes met Lincoln's and he nodded for us to go. I followed him and when I turned back to reason with her the door was shut in my face.

I wanted to talk to her. I needed to talk to her. I needed a connection. Everything was complete shit here. She was the only mother figure I had and when I needed her the most she'd been there for me. Now she put this wall up between us.

"Talia will let you use her gym." Lincoln insisted. "I need to get some sleep, baby girl."

So that's what I did. With no one around the punching bag was mine for the taking. My muscles were still sore from yesterday's activities, but I didn't care. This was all I had at the moment. Time slipped past me as I ran on the treadmill. I didn't want to go back to that stupid apartment and wear these stupid clothes. I didn't want to see stupid Johnny and Roma or think about how I literally screwed Murphy over. Or how my mentor completely distanced herself from me. All that crap about not being weak, all those months lost that I could've been with Murphy. I needed fresh air. Not the stuff floating around this shit hole of a city, but the real stuff with that earthy smell and thick with bugs.

With that in mind, I headed to the Wyatts building.

"Excuse me, miss. Do you have an appointment?"

I stopped in my tracks. A blonde haired looking barbie sat behind a desk with an expectant look in her eyes.

"Uh. No. I'm here to see Mr. Wyatt. I really need to talk to him."

"Without an appointment I'm afraid that's going to be a problem, miss." There was no apology in her voice, only an arrogance that didn't make sense because she was a receptionist. Like get over yourself bitch.

I made my way to the elevators with another protest from her.

"Security," I heard her say into the phone.

If I could break into Mount Weather and do away with the guards there I'd be able to take these guys without a doubt. That was until two big burly men descended the hall. Not that I couldn't take them, but their size matched mine about a thousand times. And there were two of them. I needed to get to Mr. Wyatt, but I couldn't just slice and dice my way in. I had no weapons. Fuck. I hated this place.

Well, with any luck I would get kicked out of this place. I charged the white guy first, knowing he was checking me out was used to my advantage as I slid through his legs, my legs knocked him off his feet while I charged the black guy. He was prepared for me, making my onslaught difficult. His size dominated me and that was the problem. These guys didn't look like they knew how to fight, they were just big. If he couldn't anticipate my moves I'd have a chance to get past the them. I threw some lame hits, hoping to throw them off until a big heavy white hand hit me across the face. A sense of excitement filled me. I turned towards him, my hands and feet flying out of my control as I brought him to the floor. Arms clutched mine behind my back. I struggled against them, but he was too strong. My mind went back to Lincoln holding me like this yesterday, to Greg pinning me up against a tree. My teeth gritted together. My elbows did most of the work, hitting him in the stomach. He stumbled back, the wind knocked out o him. I wriggled my way out of his grip. I had to jump to kick my leg high enough to knock his head to the side. We both fell to the floor. The white guy was coming for me, but I quickly grabbed the gun from the guy on the floor. I marched towards the white guy, aiming at his chest with both hands.

He reached for his gun.

"Don't even think about it." I demanded as I closed the distance. I snatched the gun from his grasp and made my way to the elevator. I held the guns out in front of me in case either tried to come after me until the doors closed.

I relaxed, but immediately turned my weapons on the person inside. A lady in her thirties looked beyond scared shitless.

"Please don't hurt me. I won't say anything. I have kids." She pleaded.

My eyes went to her wedding ring. I pressed the five button and let her get off.

She ran like her life depended on it.

Just as the door was about to close a hand stopped it. My guns went up as Aiden's face came into view. His clear blue eyes widened as he pushed the door open. I lowered the guns.

"What are you doing?"

Why would he get in an elevator with a girl with two guns? Maybe he knew I couldn't hurt him or I'd be gone for sure. On second thought. I let the doors close before aiming at him.

He didn't look impressed. "You want to shoot me?"

"No, I want to leave. I figure the only way I'll get booted out is if I kill a Wyatt. Your dad wouldn't like that very much."

His eyes flared. "James is not my dad." He stared at me for a few moments.

He walked closer to me, towards the gun. "But if you want to kill a Wyatt to get out of here you've got the wrong one. James wouldn't bat an eye if I were dead."

What was he talking about? Those sad crystal blue eyes made me roll my eyes as my weapons dropped.

I sighed, just wanting to talk to Mr. Wyatt. I couldn't stay here any longer. Yes, I was running away. Something I've never done. Well, I ran away from Murphy after Lincoln died, but that was about it. I couldn't look at Johnny every day for the rest of my life and know that he hated me, I couldn't pretend that Indra's rejection hurt, I couldn't ignore that I hated this place and it's ability to turn me into a drunken idiot. So, yeah, I was running away. I just needed to talk to James so my brother wouldn't think something bad happened. The Wyatts would tell them that I left and that would be that. The Sky People would want to come here so I couldn't go back to them. My only options were find a Grounder tribe. I didn't want to go back to Tree People. There was no order there right now. Both the Commander and Indra were gone. Who knew what was going on with them.

Suddenly, the elevator jolted to a stop. My eyes narrowed at Aiden.

"You did this?"

He shook his head. "Not even. I just saw Margaret running for her life off of here so I had to check it out. This place does belong to my family. It's part of my job to keep us safe."

The lights flickered off and we were surrounded by a red lighting.

He looked up at the ceiling. "They cut the elevator off, but the backup generator shouldn't have kicked in for the whole building."

I tried to pry the doors open but I was met by a concrete wall. I shut them back. There was no way out of here. I sat back against the wall and tried to relax, but my heart was pounding in my chest. My breath thinned as I laid my head on my knees. Why was this happening? Why couldn't I just leave and start over? I didn't want to be here anymore. I didn't want to be reminded of everything that was wrong in my life. This elevator was too small. I wanted my brother.

"Hey, what's going on with you?" Aiden asked after I started gasping. "You're not having a panic attack are you?"

All I could was nod.

He came to sit in front of me. His hand went held up my head while the other warmly caressed my arm. Our eyes met. A blush settled over my face. How could one person be so attractive? His touch was distracting me from my panic attack...which I think was good.

"Just breathe in and out."

My eyes glared at him. If I could do that I wouldn't be having a panic attack.

"If it's the elevator, we're going to be out of here shortly. Think about rainbows and puppies, I don't know. Something to take your mind off of it."

Before I could think about how stupid it was I brought my lips to his. Anything pleasurable right now would do. Anything to distract me from the shit hole I was in. With no objection from him I took it further than it needed to go. My hands pushed him to the ground as my hips mounted his. He stared at me with wide eyes.

"Octavia, you're good." He held up his hands.

Rejection stung even though I didn't really like him. I climbed off of him.

He sat up. "You're panic attack is gone. Are you okay?"

I gave him a look.

He sighed. "Look, you're hot as hell, but you didn't kiss me because you wanted to. What's going on with you?"

I shrugged. "I don't want to be here anymore. I need to leave."

He gave me a sympathetic look. "Come on, it hasn't been that bad."

"Yes, it has."

"Because of that Murphy guy?"

"He forgot me."

He nodded. "But he forgot everything else, too. If you want him to remember then make him remember."

"No, you don't understand." I pushed my stray hairs out of my face. "He doesn't want to remember me. He doesn't like who I am. He thinks I'm some psychotic warrior bitch. I've tried to make him understand, but he doesn't want anything to do with me." I tasted the inside of my mouth. "Is that peanut butter?"

He grinned. "Thanks for noticing."

He surveyed my body. "So you went to the gym to work off some steam. How'd that work out for you?" He smirked. "What? No smartass comeback?"

"Not today, Wyatt." My arms folded across my chest, hoping I looked like I didn't care what he thought of me. I mean, I didn't. But he was one of the guys that was so hot you did kind of care what they thought of you. He liked Clarke, so really I shouldn't care.

"So you're just going to run away, Octavia?" He came to lean against the wall next to me.

I had to lean back to meet his crystal blue eyes. "I want out of this place. Today. I don't care about running away, even if that makes me weak."

"You don't strike me as weak."

"Thanks."

I've worked really hard to get to where I am and now none of it meant anything. Not here.

After a few minutes he said, "When the power kicks back on and those doors open, you're going to be in a lot of trouble. I'll reason with James, but it's really up to you and him if you stay." He patted my knee. "So I'd suggest you really think about if you want to give up."

We sat in silence. My mind went over everything I'd be giving up if I left, everything I'd gain if I left. The regrets. The chance I'd never see Bellamy again. I didn't want to do this to him, but if I was unhappy wouldn't be staying be worse on him. He shouldn't have to feel guilty. He deserved to be happy. Him and Clarke. I'd miss Clarke, too. I could really use one of her hugs right about now.

Some time later the power kicked back on and the elevator moved to the top floor. The doors opened. Mr. Wyatt stood behind a bunch of guards with big guns pointed at us.

Aiden rushed in front of me. "Hold on a sec, she just wanted to talk to my father."

I wasn't one for hiding behind anyone , but in this instance there were a lot of men ready to kill me if they thought I was about to aim for their boss. I was thankful that Aiden had taken caution.

"Ms. Blake?" Mr. Wyatt asked.

"Yeah, it's me." I held up my hands in surrender, carefully laying the guns on the elevator floor. We stepped out. "I just want to leave the city."

He visibly sagged.

CLARKE'S POV:

My hand laid on Bellamy's forehead, feeling the hot skin. "Yup, you're sick."

He scoffed. "That's ridiculous. I feel fine." He leaned up from the bed, his abs flexing.

I pushed him back down. "Bellamy,"

"Clarke." He met my eyes. "I'm not going to lay in bed all day and I'm not taking cold medicine." He grumbled.

"Well, you're going to have to if you want to knock whatever Kane gave you."

He frowned. "How come you didn't get it?"

I grinned. "You want me to be sick?"

He brought me down to the bed with him. "If I could play doctor then yes." He leaned in for a kiss.

My hand blocked his face. He gave me a look. "What? You're not getting me sick if I'm not already sick."

He sighed. "Sick and blue balls. What a nice next few days I'll be having."

I laughed. "Come on. You've waited how long to be with me. You can wait a week. Besides, it's not like I can't pleasure you in other ways."

His brow rose in mischief. "Suddenly, I'm so sick." He layed back on the bed, sniffling. "And my balls hurt. Whatever will I do?"

My hand smacked his chest. "You do not have blue balls."

He pouted. "I could."

I kissed his cheek. "I'm going to the pharmacy, I'll be back shortly." I grabbed my purse and keys. "Don't do anything stupid while I'm gone. Bell. Love you."

"Sure."

I rolled my eyes with a grin. "Bye."

Making my way to the drug store I thought about how normal all of this was. How content I'd been since everyone arrived. Not everyone, but enough of my friends to make me relax and enjoy what the city had to offer. I could walk to a store and get some medicine that helped heal my boyfriend. Simple. I could go around each corner in the city and find different cuisines. Exciting. I could be theoretically anything I wanted. I didn't have to be a doctor or nurse. I could be happy here, I just wished we all were happy.

Octavia hated it here, and I didn't half blame her. If Bellamy arrived here and I didn't remember him I'd think he half lose his mind. I just wish she could forget about Murphy for a while and let herself have some fun. He didn't define her, but I knew what position she was in. When I arrived and I thought Bellamy hated me he was pretty much all I thought about. All I worried about. It's hard when you're in love with someone and they could care less. I thought of Aiden and his episode last night. I texted them both to ask if they were okay, the act still a little strange. So was this big ass black purse I started carrying around per Talia's request although I don't think I've ever seen her carrying one around. It was different, part of me kind of liked it, liked that it made me feel feminine. I knew that was why I took the time to curl my hair in the morning and actually make an effort to look nice. I didn't get any complaints from Bellamy.

A black elderly man held the door open for me and I realized it wasn't an elderly man. It was Jaha. His hair was greyer than I remembered, his face more stoic.

"Clarke." He greeted with a warm grin.

Murphy appeared after him, holding a bag.

I stared at him, thinking how weird it was for him to not remember what he'd done, to not know what kind of relationship we had. He looked nothing like himself. No greasy twists at the top of his head. No scowl. No anger behind his blue eyes. He wore a green loose fitted shirt and blue jeans.

"Hey, Murphy."

He held out his hand. "It's Johnny now."

I shook it. "Right. Johnny. What are you guys up to?"

Johnny looked like he was caught when he looked to Jaha.

"Just stocking up on some personals. What about you, Clarke?"

I sighed. "Bellamy's sick. He got whatever Kane had. I'm just here to get some medicine."

He nodded. "Sorry to hear that. Where is Kane staying? I'd like to see him."

"Anberlin Crossings. It's a few streets over from mall. I could give you his number if you want."

He held up his hand. "No need. I'll find my way over to there." He looked down at Murphy. "We should get going. It was nice to see you Clarke."

"You, too." I lied. There was something about him that made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up.

"See you." I entered the store, finding the medicine quickly since we bought it for Kane the day before. I threw it in the shopping cart and found some orange juice and cough drops. It was pretty cool to see so much medicine. I didn't think I'd ever lay my eyes on half of this stuff. My mom would be so excited. I put two boxes of tissues in the cart. Maybe a humidifier would be nice. I didn't have to rush home so I lazily walked around the store, taking in everything from candy to makeup to condoms. I threw those in there, too. When we got down to Earth we didn't have the birth control shots to keep us from getting pregnant. Now that I was sexually active, I should probably be careful.

But what if I wasn't? My eyes found a wedding magazine. Great timing.

A sense of wonder filled me. Without a doubt it was too soon to be thinking about any sort of big union like that, but I couldn't help but think if that was something Bellamy wanted to do? We loved each other, sure. But marriage was a big step that was light years down the road. Did he want kids? If so, how many? I shook the thoughts from head but grabbed the magazine and stashed it in my purse. I'd go in the back and read it after I paid for what was in the cart.

Waiting in line wasn't new to me, but this whole paying for things were. On the Ark we had a simple system. Everyone got what they needed. My mind thought about what life would've been like if there was never a problem with the air systems and none of us committed crimes. Or if the Earth hadn't been soaked in radiation and we never had to go to space to live. Chances are I wouldn't know any of these people. That kind of tripped me out.

The cashier rung in my items and I swiped the card the Wyatts gave me.

"Thank you for shopping with us, have a nice day." The cashier said with a fake grin as she handed me my bags.

"Same to you." I headed for the door . Alarms went off as I stepped through the doors. I stopped, unsure of what was happening.

"Miss, please come back into the store." The cashier asked.

What did I do?

I turned around, really confused.

"I must've forgotten to ring something up. So sorry, ma'am." She looked tired.

"What's going on?"

Shit. The magazine. I totally forgot that I was planning on reading through it and putting it back on the shelf where it belonged. But there was no way they could find it. Wasn't that like an invasion of privacy or something?"The alarms let us know if someone has taken an unpaid item out of the store. Can I check your bag?"

I clutched it to my side. "No, you can't."

"Ma'am, if you don't cooperate I'm going to have to call the police."

My eyes searched around. Customers were looking right at us. Other employees. My face burned. Pulling it out now would look stupid, but I didn't want to go to jail. Who would take care of Bellamy?

Talia walked through the door with sweatpants on. Black sunglasses covered most of her face, her dark haired pulled back into a navy blue hat. Thank God.

She noticed us and stopped in her tracks. "Clarke, what's going on?" She took of her glasses and turned her green eyes on the cashier.

"The alarms went off when she walked through the door, Ms. Wyatt. I was just asking to check her bag." She said nervously, like her job depended on it.

Talia looked at the bags in my hands, then back at the cashier. "If she's already paid for her stuff then shouldn't you be asking what's wrong with your alarm system?"

She nodded. "My apologies. I'll get my manager on it asap. Sorry to bother you. Have a nice day." She hurried back to the line of waiting customers and began ringing up items, her face red.

"Thank you." I told Talia.

"No problem. What are you doing here?"

"Bellamy's sick. Got some medicine and juice. What about you?"

She looked over my shoulder, her face heating up. "Nothing, just came to browse."

My eyes narrowed. "Why do I think that's not true?"

She pulled me along. "Okay, if you must know..." She lowered her voice. "I need a morning after pill."

It sounded familiar and after a few seconds I pinpointed what it was. I gasped. "You and Lincoln had sex?" I almost shouted.

She shushed me as she glared at me, her hand rubbed her forehead.

"You and Lincoln had sex?" I whispered.

She calmed down. A tiny grin produced a full on smile. "Yeah, we kind of did."

I smiled. "I knew it. You two were all over each other last night."

She rolled her eyes. "Yeah, well...we've just been arguing for the last two hours."

It wasn't my place to ask, but I did want to know. "Are you guys together?"

She shrugged. "Who's to know?" She eyed me. "What'd you take?"

I opened my purse to her. She looked shocked.

"Okay. Maybe we should talk."

She paid for both the pills and the magazine. Seeing them together on the counter made me chuckle. She gave me a look.

"Thank you." I said as we walked down the street.

She swallowed the pills before turning to me. "So you want to get married? Have a big wedding with Bellamy?"

I shrugged. "First off, I didn't mean to take that magazine, I forgot it was in my bag. I was just going to read through it and put it back. Secondly, maybe. Not now, but down the road...I guess."

"You don't sound too sure about that."

I could feel the weight of the magazine in the bags, it all of a sudden felt really heavy. "I mean, before we got here I hadn't thought of that. We only been dating for three months, but what we've been through, it's changed both of us, molded us together. I couldn't have kept us alive if it weren't for him. And now we're here in this place where I can do pretty much anything. It's an option. I just don't know if that's something he's thought about or would want." I met her eyes. "I don't think I can ask him about this. Not yet."

She nodded then brought her hand to her head as if to steady it. "You're secret's safe with me, Clarke."

We split ways after some more small talk, each wishing the other good luck.

Bellamy was sleeping when I returned. A grin found my lips as I put the orange juice in the fridge. I set up the humidifier by his side of the bed. Looking around us, we really needed to get out of Aiden's place. I was ashamed of how long we'd been staying there. I'd talk to him about that when he got back to me. I checked my phone to see if either Octavia or Aiden returned my text, but there was nothing.

While Bellamy was asleep I hit the magazine in the sofa cushion in the sitting room connected to Aiden's. Looking at him sleep, I entertained the thought of us married and grinned. I made my way over to the bed and laid beside him, thinking about adding little kids to the equation. Maybe a girl that looked like him and boy that looked like me. I didn't really care. All I knew as I played out this fantasy in my head was that it was definitely something I wanted. Bellamy could read me like a book, so I wasn't sure how I would hide this from him.

JOHNNY'S POV:

Roma was sitting on her couch in front of the tv, lost in thought. She turned as I entered. She jumped up and snatched the bag from me. I didn't know know if it would work, but she had faith in the pills.

"Thank you so much." She hugged me tight.

I rubbed her back. "Not a problem."

She filled a glass with water and chugged it behind the pill. Her eyes held guilt. Shame.

"Roma, what if they don't work? What are you going to do?"

She looked at me with frightened eyes. "I don't know. I can't think about that right now." She folded her arms over her chest as she sat on the couch.

I put on some boiling water and set two coffee mugs out before joining her. "I know it's not my place, but you need to tell Sterling."

She stared at me with wide eyes. "I can't. You know why I can't."

I sighed. "I understand. But you just took a morning after pill. He's your ex boyfriend. He'll understand."

Her brow rose. "And if he doesn't? I have the baby and take care of it by myself?"

I couldn't believe I was about to say this. This wasn't my baby. We didn't have sex. But Roma was my friend, one of my only friends here. She was nice despite what other people thought. Even when she had reason to talk badly about Octavia she didn't.

"You won't be alone."

She squeezed my hand. "I can't ask you to do that. If I'm by some disaster this doesn't work and I'm having a baby, it's not your responsibility. I don't even want it to be my responsibility." She sighed.

"Fair enough."

"Besides Octavia would kill me. Did you see she looked at us this morning? She must've thought we hooked up."

I shrugged. "She'll get over it. I'm not hers. She's always so angry. I don't want to be around that." Wasn't that reasonable?

She gave me a look. "Octavia wasn't angry when she saw us together. She was hurt. Trust me, I understand that look better than anyone."

"Still, she didn't have to storm off like that."

She huffed. "I know you're practically knew to this, but let me explain something to you. Octavia is in love with you. She knows you don't like her. And seeing us together in that situation wasn't good for her. Anyone would've been angry."

"She's not in love with me. She's in love with Murphy." I shook my head. "I'm not Murphy."

She stared at me for a few moments. "You're right. He wouldn't be such an asshole right now. He'd realize what an idiot he'd been and try to make it right."

Irritation filled me. "What do you want me to do? I don't love her."

She shrugged as she pursed her lips. "I don't know. How about you grow a pair and go talk to her."

My eyes narrowed. Okay, maybe she had a point. I didn't have to marry Octavia, but talking to her some more wouldn't hurt. Maybe my first impression of her was too harsh. Even Jaha defended her.

I knocked on her door but got no answer.

"Well, I tried."

Roma gave me a scowl.

"Geez, tough crowd."

Later on that evening I tried knocking on her door again, but she wasn't there. I wondered what she was doing? What kind of things did she like? I knew she was aggressive, so maybe she'd like boxing. I don't know. I didn't know her.

Try again, my mind told me.

I dialed Evan's number.

"Hey, Johnny. What's going on with you?"

"I just wanted to know if you knew where Octavia was by any chance." I pulled a shirt to my chest and surveyed myself in the mirror. "I couldn't get a hold of her."

"Oh, yeah. She's leaving."

I stopped in my tracks. "What do you mean?"

"She's leaving the city. She's went to speak with my father about it this morning."

I dropped down on the bed. "Oh. Where is she now?"

"Uh, probably trying to find somewhere to sleep. The helicopter dropped her off outside the wall a few hours ago."

For someone who didn't like her very much I couldn't help but feel disappointed for some reason. I thought about how weird it would be knowing she wasn't next door, even if I didn't go over there.

"Ok, thanks. Goodbye."

"Bye."

Falling asleep that night wasn't easy. If I thought I had guilt about Octavia the first night it didn't compare to this. I literally drove her out of the city. Maybe there were other forces that lead to her decision, but I knew deep down that she wouldn't have left if I hadn't been so awful to her. Roma was right. I'd been an assole. Not only an asshole, but a judgmental asshole.

I startled awake, gasping for air. Sweat dotted my skin. I had another dream, but already things were fleeting. I grabbed the notepad by the bed and jotted down what I could remember.

Dream #4: A little girl. Choking. Mindfield. Drowning.

My guess was the little girl was Charlotte, the girl Octavia told me about. They tried to hang me for her crimes. I couldn't place the mindfield. I knew I drowned, that was how I died. Little by little my dreams were becoming easier to decipher. I didn't know if I was that was good or bad.

My mind played over the quick flash of the girl I could never get a good look at. My only guess was that it had to be Octavia. It made sense. My mind was trying to recall what was important to me. Apparently, she was important.

I sighed as I rolled out of bed. I knew what I had to do.

Evan met me outside and we rode the elevator together. I didn't tell Roma what I was doing, but I had wrote her a long note letting her know I was sorry to leave when she really needed me, but I had to take care of some things. I needed to know who I was if I was being completely honest. Octavia told me I didn't know who I was because all I knew where these walls, the city. If I could prove that I could survive out there without turning into what I feared then I'd be the first to admit I was wrong. I still needed to find her regardless. I had to fix the damage I'd done.

The elevator doors opened.

"Mr. Murphy." James greeted me. "I hear you want to leave my city, too."

I nodded. "Yes, sir. I appreciate everything you've done for me and I want to come back. I like it here. I just need to bring back Octavia."

He nodded. "Octavia left of her own free will. Even if she does want to come back that's not up to her. I gave her the option to stay. She chose to leave."

"I understand that, sir. I just...I know I drove her to leave. She stayed here because of me, because she loved me. I told her I didn't remember loving her." Thinking back on it I was really awful to her. "She left because of me. Please let me go find her."

He looked at Aiden as if actually considering it. "I'm sorry, Mr. Murphy. If you leave, you can't come back."

I thought of Jaha and how I liked having him around. We talked about a lot. He had some great insights on things. If I did this, if I left the city I wouldn't be able to see him or Roma again. As much as I'd miss them, I needed to do this. Finding out who I really was was important to me.

I nodded. "Okay. When can I leave?"

The helicopter dipped, moments later we landed on an open area of grass. My heart pounded out of my chest. Had I really done this? I was a fucking idiot. I didn't know anything about survival. How was I going to keep myself feed, where was I going to sleep, and how was I going to find Octavia? She could literally be anywhere.

The guards opened the door and one hopped out to help me down. "Are you sure about this?"

Despite all of my worries, this was something I had to do.

I nodded as I jumped out.

"Good luck, kid."

The took of.

I sighed. Too late to turn back now.

With the sun high in the sky I had the whole day to figure out what the hell I got myself into and how to make the best of it. First things first, food. I wasn't hungry now, but soon enough I will be. No, maybe I should find a place to sleep. Well, what if I get lost? Spinning around there were nothing but trees. That leaves finding Octavia first and I'd leave the other two when the time came.

The whole time I'd been walking I was on edge. Noises sounded from all around me, but I didn't know what was out here. The sun was significantly lower in the sky, which meant if I was going to set up camp and find some food for the night I should probably start. It was hard to focus on that when I was paranoid. I expected...I don't know what I expected, but it wasn't good.

I had to pee so I stopped at the nearest tree and relaxed for a moment. I laid my hand on the tree as I hung my head. Voices came from nearby, but I couldn't understand what they were saying. There was no one around. Maybe I was losing my mind. Maybe I fell asleep and I was dreaming.

A knife flew out and pinned my hand to the tree. My eyes didn't believe it, but the immediate pain cleared things up. I screamed, too shocked to do anything other than scream. That language from before became louder. I had to do something. I didn't dare look back up at my hand, knowing it would hurt more. I tried to pull the knife out, but I wasn't strong enough. All it did was cause me more pain.

I turned to see five people covered in animal hides and bones stalking towards me. None of them Octavia. Panic set in. They were going to kill me. Hell, they might even eat me. In that moment, I knew I regretted knowing hearing out what Octavia had to say most. What she told me could've saved my life. If I had listened to her, made an effort to not judge her then I wouldn't even be in this situation.

The knife was ripped out. I groaned, clutching my hand to my chest. I scrambled away from them. My penis was still out. No matter how much my hand was hurting I had to protect that more than anything. I hurried to put it back in the protection of my pants.

One of the men yanked me up forcefully. He tied my hands together with coarse rope.

"I'm sorry if I'm in your territory. I don't know where I am."

He pulled me along by the rope without a word.

"Please," I pulled away, but it was no use. "My name is John Murphy. I don't know where I am. I'm looking for a girl. Her name's Octavia..." Shit. I remember her last name.

They spoke, but not to me. It sounded like they were arguing, but I couldn't tell. Everything they said sounded naturally aggressive.

"Do you know Octavia...of the Sky People?"

They stared at me.

A blow came to the back of my head, lulling me into the darkness I tried to fight off.

I startled awake, my heart raced. My head throbbed. I took in my surroundings. The air was dank. Dark. My hands were shackled above my head. I bit back a cry and the sting in my left hand. A sense of Deja Vu washed over me. Had I been here before?

I noticed the room was empty once my eyes adjusted. "Help!" I didn't have a better idea, a better plan that was going to get me out of here. Okay, maybe it wasn't the best, but it wasn't like I was going anywhere with these shackles. I was hoping a passer byer would hear and come rescue me. After who knew how long those chances were looking bleak. What were they going to do with me? The only two things I could think of was torture for information because they thought I was a spy or something or eat me. I wasn't partial to either of those.

My stomach growled. "Please, I'm hungry!"

Silence.

Eventually, I drifted back to sleep. My throat hoarse, my stomach empty, and my mind frantic.

I was woken with freezing cold water splashed on me. I coughed up the water that went down the wrong pipes, my eyes searching for the person. It was a woman.

She crouched in front of me and spoke in the same language as the others. She eyed me with suspicion. Tattoos swirled on the right side of her face. Olive skin. Long dark hair. But not Octavia. Disappointment filled me.

"What are you doing here, Murphy?" She drew her dagger and held it to my throat in a way that made me confident she wouldn't use it to hurt me. "Where are your people?"

"Do I know you?"

She stared at me blankly before slicing a cut on my arm. "I don't have time for games."

I screamed. Apparently, I was wrong.

"I lost my memory!" I rushed out. "If we've met I don't know who you are." My eyes pleaded with hers.

She sliced my other arm, but deeper this time. A stoic look on her face. "I'm not fooled by your ruse."

I leaned forward as much as I could. "Please, I'm telling you the truth."

She scowled at me. "I don't believe you."

"So you're just going to keep me locked up because I came in your territory?"

She rose from her crouch. "Until we figure out what to do with you, yes."

"Wait," I struggled against the chains. "How do I know you?"

She looked over her shoulder. "I met you on your trek through the desert. You were going with your people to the City of Light. I knew I could play you, take your things, and run for it. The dark haired one, Octavia, she was on me before I could threaten your life."

I tried to sink in the wall. Whatever alliance I thought I'd make with her was nonexistent.

"You tried to kill me?" I asked shakily.

"Don't take it personally. I needed to make it out alive. You were a casualty I was willing to let happen. Octavia wasn't having that."

My interest piqued. She was very protective. "What did she do?"

She sighed as if this conversation bored her. "She made it clear that if I hurt you she'd end me. I was almost impressed. Almost. If I ever see her again I might just kill her."

Warning bells went off in my head. I had to reevaluate what I thought was unstable.

She headed for the exit.

"Wait, what's your name?"

"Emori." She said before leaving me alone with my own thoughts.

A/N: Sorry for the long wait yall. I have a lot going on right now. Hope yall liked it :)