The silence in the living room was so complete, Tony understood the meaning of 'you could hear a pin drop'. There was shock; that much he knew. It was all around them, in everyone, and yet Tony couldn't look at the rest of them. The only one he could look at was the one who was guaranteed to break his heart the most.

The shock had been evident on Loki's face for one brief instant before he shut everything down completely. Not a thing showed through. Tony's heart clenched at the sight of that mask. Here we go. He might as well share it all now. It wasn't like he hadn't already destroyed everything. Again.

Tony made himself keep his eyes on Loki, no matter how painful it was. He was the one that deserved the most explanation right now. Watching him, Tony held himself up proud in his seat, and he let go of the lies and the secrets that he'd wrapped around himself over his lifetime. He stopped trying to hide. And, for all that it was painful, it was slightly freeing, too.

"I'd been in love with you for a long time," Tony said, low and even. "Sometimes I think I've been in love with you for most of my life. There's not a time I can think of that I didn't look at you and feel love. I didn't understand what kind at first, but you were always everything to me." Pausing for a second, Tony let out a shaky breath and made himself keep going. "I never planned on saying anything to you. Bad enough I was argr. But for my brother? My little brother? I was the worst kind of pervert, and I knew it. I wasn't going to let that shame touch you. But the Allfather… he didn't believe me."

"How did he find out?" Natasha asked.

Though she was the one to ask it, Tony still found himself answering Loki as if he were the one that had said the words. "You, uh, you remember that last magic we did together, right before I…vanished?"

There was a long moment of quiet before Loki answered. When he did, his voice was flat. "The mind shields."

"When I attacked for you to shield, you um… you turned blue."

That broke through the coldness of Loki's mask. His eyes briefly widened, and his words were sharp as a whip, cracking through the air. "What?"

I'm so sorry, Loki. I'm so, so sorry. Tony watched his little brother, and he just ached. "Just for a second, your skin flashed blue. I wasn't sure if I had it right or not, but the more I thought about it, the more sickening sense it made. I did some research and I, I found out a lot of things. I was stupid enough to confront the Allfather with it all instead of just going to talk to you first. My anger got in the way of my logic. I needed… I needed to know what the hell he had to say for himself."

"You went to confront Father – alone – after discovering Loki's heritage," Thor repeated those words slowly like he was testing them out. Trying to find a way to make sense of them. When Tony looked over at him, he was stunned to see the sadness in Thor's eyes. The bone-deep sorrow that was echoed by the slowly darkening clouds outside. It stole Tony's voice away so that all he could do was stare as Thor's shoulders slumped. "It pains me to know that you felt you could not come to me with this. That I was not someone you felt you could trust with this truth."

"Nor, apparently, was I," Loki snapped. His hands were clenched together in his lap now, and his eyes were a bright flame. He must've moved beyond shock and into the emotion that Tony had expected – anger. The genius was braced for it and did nothing to stop it as Loki spewed venom at him. "You knew the truth about who I was – about what I was. And instead of speaking to me, you went behind my back to speak with the Allfather? What gave you that right, Anto?"

Tony smiled sadly at him. "Nothing." No answer that would satisfy Loki, at least.

"I had a right to know!"

"Yes, you did," Tony agreed. "And I had every intention of telling you. Circumstances just got away from me. There was more to this than just you being Jotun, Loki." There was quite a bit more. Things that Tony knew they needed to know, though they held little sway now. Likely, Loki already knew it, considering how much he was aware of, and how much anger he had towards Odin. But, unlike the rest of this, unlike Tony's shame, this wasn't something that needed to be aired out in front of the others. Nor was whatever came next.

Tony held no illusion that this was a meeting that was going to end well. Perhaps it was better if his friends weren't here to see it.

With that in mind, Tony swept his gaze over the various Avengers, smiling at them as best as he could. "Would you mind giving us the floor for a while, guys?"

Bless them all, each and every one of them, they didn't argue with him. They didn't even protest. Natasha gave his hand one final squeeze before she rose, and Clint gave him a hug. Steve offered a smile, as did Fizik. Only Bruce took a second to point at him and try and glare. "You've got a half hour, Tony. Max. Then I'm coming back up here and getting you back to bed even if I've got to get the Other Guy to haul you down there."

"We will ensure he returns there," Thor promised solemnly.

Tony smiled and said not a word. He just took in the open affection on Bruce's face and soaked it up.

As he watched them walk away, he couldn't help but think I'll miss you.

Soon enough, the floor was empty. Only Tony, Loki, Thor, and JARVIS remained. Tony sat there silently on a couch that felt much larger and much emptier than it had moments ago. He hadn't realized just how much he'd been leaning on the support of Natasha and Clint until it was gone. Suddenly, it felt so much harder to bring himself to even look up at his brothers. Tony brought his hands together in his lap and tried not to clench down with them. His wrists were aching; a low, steady throb that he'd mostly ignored so far. Now, he stared down at them, eyes tracing each mark on his wrist, each bruise.

It was going to be up to Tony to start to speak here. He had to say this – had to get it all out. This whole thing needed to be done. Then Tony could run, hole up somewhere, and lick his wounds.

"I don't know what you learned when you found out about your heritage," Tony said slowly. He snuck a look up at Loki and tried not to flinch at the anger still there.

Loki's lip curled up into an open sneer. "I know that he stole me from Jotunheim in hopes of using me as a political pawn to further cement peace with them one day."

There was no way Tony could stop the snort that slipped free. Was that what Odin had told him? "That's the stupidest idea I've ever heard." At their shocked looks, the both of them, Tony raised an eyebrow. This, at least, he could do. This was easier ground. "Come on, guys. Use your heads. How would taking Loki help him out in brokering peace? He stole the king's son from a sacred temple where he'd been left. Not because they wanted to leave the kid to die," he slanted a look at Loki there, and the way Loki's eyes had gone wide made it clear that was what he'd believed – what Odin had likely told him. Tony huffed out a disgusted breath. "You guys never did take the time to learn anything about Jotunheim, did you? You were too willing to see them as the monsters Odin makes them out to be."

"They are monsters," Loki hissed furiously.

On this, Tony wasn't going to back down, and he wasn't going to cower. "No, they aren't! Being different doesn't make someone a monster! I'll tell you right here and now, I'd rather go back to spend time on Jotunheim than ever have to deal with Odin Allfather again. He's far more a monster than they ever could be!"

The fury and passion behind Tony's words shocked both his brothers into silence. Taking advantage of that, Tony continued on, hurrying to get the words out before someone interrupted him again.

"The Jotnar are a harsh people, yeah. They kind of have to be, living on the planet they do. It's not made for those that can't toughen up. But they aren't monsters because of it."

"Then why did they leave him there?" Thor asked.

Thank you, Thor. He'd asked just the question Tony wanted him to. "Because it was a part of their birthing ceremony. Children are a gift to the Jotnar. They cherish each and every one of them. When a child's born, the whole tribe celebrates it. It can mean different things for different tribes, but for the main tribe, including the royal family, they have a whole ceremony. A child born of royal blood is cleaned and prepared hours after birth, fed to make sure they won't go hungry, and then they're taken to the sacred temple where they're laid down and surrounded by magic. I have no idea what happens overnight – that's something they shared only with each other. But come morning, when they return, the child is marked. Those lines on your skin… they're a mark of who you are, and who you're meant to be. They mark you as a mage, a shapeshifter, and of royal blood, and so many other things I don't know the meaning of. Once you were brought back, the tribe's Mage would've read your fortune in your marks and recorded it in their histories. Instead… instead, Odin took you."

It was clear that neither Thor nor Loki had known any of that. They both looked shocked by his words. The fact that they didn't seem to doubt him kind of floored Tony. He'd expected denial of some sort. Yet the two just looked.. stunned. No, more than that. Thor looked stunned – Loki looked devastated.

Tony gentled his voice. He knew what he was saying was hard for them to hear. Hard for Loki to accept, even. But he needed to tell them. While they were still focused on this – before they remembered his confession, before he had to go – he needed to make sure they at least understood. Loki deserved to know.

"If Odin wanted to use you for peace in the future, he'd have to show that you were a Jotun. The instant he did that, the marks on your skin would've been checked, his story would've been checked, and they would've found out who you really were. That wouldn't have brought peace. Laufey would've used that as an excuse to invade Asgard and destroy everything."

"Then why take him?" Thor asked, sneaking a glance over at Loki. "Why take Loki if it would only lead to such trouble?"

Grimacing, Tony shrugged one shoulder and waved a hand through the air in an 'I don't know' gesture. "It wasn't like he laid out his plans to me. Things got a little heated pretty quickly. But, best as I could guess… he wanted to marry Loki off and then reveal his heritage, set him up to be king, and have him kill of Laufey. With the way he made sure everyone hated the Jotnar, it wouldn't have been hard to convince you guys that Laufey needed to die. If he'd done it just right, revealed things in his own way, he could've ensured that you stayed loyal to him."

"And he would have a puppet king of Jotunheim," Loki finished slowly.

Tony nodded at him. "Yeah. It was the only thing that made sense to me. And I… I had to know. I couldn't just tell you, not without knowing everything." Remembered pain flashed through Tony. He hunched his shoulders against it and tried not to let them see just how much it hurt. "I was stupid. As soon as he knew I'd figured some things out, he wasn't going to risk me figuring out any more and telling anyone. Not when it could've toppled all his plans. And he didn't need me. He's already got Alfheim under control, even if it's not as much as he wants. Sending me there would've made it more secure, but he can work with what he has. I was expendable."

As much as it hurt, it was something Tony had come to terms with. He'd been expendable to Odin. In a way, they all were.

The silence over the room felt heavy. Tony knew he'd given them so much to think about; they needed time. All of them needed time. And he… well, honestly, right then Tony needed a bed. He wasn't sure how much longer he was going to be able to keep upright. "I know this is a lot to take in," he said into the quiet of the room. "I'm… there are a few more allies I need to court. That should keep me away for a few days so you'll have time to think…"

"You're leaving?" Thor blurted out.

Tony shrugged one shoulder as casually as he could manage. It still seemed to come off as more of a twitch than anything else. "I think we all need a chance to relax and think through everything we've learned today."

He heard the sound of someone trying to speak, and then silence. Just as Tony prepared to push himself p, or teleport away – anything to get away from this – Loki spoke. "And if we were to let you go, would you actually return?"

It took a lot of effort for Tony not to flinch. More for him to make himself lift his eyes again and smile as he lied right to Loki's face. "Of course I would."

Loki pressed his lips together. After staring at Tony for a moment, Loki finally said: "Thor, leave us."

"Brother…"

"Leave us." Loki didn't look away from Tony as he said, "I believe Anto and I have a few things to discuss. Please, go let the others know that we'll be returning downstairs to the medical floor shortly." The way he said that, the sharp look he gave Tony, was a promise that Tony was going to be returning there with him. Tony didn't bother arguing it right now. There was no point. Let Loki think what he wanted.

When it looked like Thor was going to argue with them, Loki solved the problem by waving a hand in Thor's direction. In a sparkle of green light, their oldest brother was gone, not even having enough time to shout before he was sent away.

Tony licked his suddenly dry lips. "He's going to be pissed over that."

"I'm quite sure he'll cope," Loki said bluntly. "As I'm quite sure neither of us wishes to have him hear the things we are about to say."

There was no stopping his flinch this time. Tony knew Loki saw it, and he also knew that Loki's words were right. What came next was something that Thor didn't need to hear. Besides which, when he had time away from them to sit and think, to let Tony's words process, no doubt he'd have a few choice words for Tony as well.

However, for now, it was Loki here, and Tony owed it to Loki to listen to him. Loki had every right to rant and rage and do what he wanted to Tony. The engineer drew himself up and blinked his eyes a few times until he was sure they'd stay dry before he brought them up to Loki's face. "Say what you need to, then, Lokes. Let's get this over with, huh?"

The fire was back in Loki's eyes, and it leapt brighter than before at Tony's words. "You are an idiot," was the very first thing that Loki spat out, and honestly, it was nicer than Tony had anticipated.

"That's not really anything new," Tony said dryly.

It earned him a snarl. Loki clenched his hands so tightly his knuckles went white, and his seidr sparked around them in a blatant display of just how shaky his control was. "How dare you? How dare you keep all this from me? We might have had our secrets, but I trusted you! And for what? For you to lie to me? To keep from me things that I had a right to know?"

Tony flinched again. "I know. I'm sorry."

He watched as pain flashed through Loki's features. He drew back, and there was hurt clear in his eyes. So much hurt. All caused by Tony. "Even now, you still do not trust me."

Now that, Tony couldn't just ignore. His eyebrows shot up, and he sat up a little straighter. "I do!"

"Do you? Tell me, Anthony, how many months was it again that you kept your secret here?" Loki fired back. He deliberately used Tony's other name, knowing just how much of a slap in the face it would be. "How many times did you look me in the face and lie to me? How many times did you smile and pretend to be someone else, all the while knowing that I was in the dark? You kept yourself from Thor and I – from me – because you did not trust us."

"It wasn't like that!"

"Oh? Then how was it?"

Why was he doing this? Why was he drawing it out this way? They both knew why Tony had kept his secret. He fisted his hands in the soft material of his pants and fought not to tear through them. Tony could feel his slowly recovering seidr pushing out from him in shaky waves, begging to be free, only there was nothing here for him to use it against. Nothing that he could fight.

The sound that came from Loki was somewhere between a scoff, and the sound of some wounded animal. It was low in his throat, and it echoed with the kind of pain that hurt to hear. "Do you truly think so little of me?"

"I think the world of you," Tony said softly, achingly. The words were the truest thing he'd ever uttered, and he knew his heart was evident in them, right out there in the open for Loki to hear. Closing his eyes, Tony held himself still and poured out the rest of his heart to the only being who had ever laid any true claim to it. "You were the only thing that kept me alive. You… you were the voice I heard when I was alone on the ice, or trapped in a cave. If it weren't for you, I wouldn't… I wouldn't be here."

"Indeed. If it weren't for me, you never would have been in this mess to begin with."

That had Tony's eyes snapping open again. He didn't think anything of the tears that burned in his eyes, blurring the vision of Loki in front of him. Tony stared at him, and couldn't be anything but honest. "I'd take my punishment a thousand times over if it meant having had you in my life. In whatever capacity."

Rightfully, this should've been when Loki flinched away from him again because there was no doubt what Tony's words meant. That reminder should've been enough to draw Loki back from his hurt. Only, his eyes grew sadder, and Tony got to see the faint tremble around Loki's lips that he knew meant just how short his brother's control truly was. It was something that – to Tony's knowledge – no one else had ever seen. A vulnerability that Loki allowed with no one else.

Then Tony couldn't think about that anymore, not when Loki whispered: "As would I."

His words were soft, yet they cut off anything Tony might've said. They took away the last bit of steady ground that Tony was standing on and yanked it out from under him.

"You were everything to me, once." That little tremor was in Loki's voice now, too, and Norns, Tony wanted to reach out to him, to soothe it away! But he was frozen in his seat. All he could do was stare as Loki let out a breath that looked like a shudder and kept on breaking Tony with his soft, aching words. "The very first dream I had of another was about you. And while it scared me, it felt natural. As if a part of me was saying, Yes, of course. It was always him."

Tony's breath tore out of him like he'd been punched. He could barely breathe – it felt like all the air had been stolen from his lungs. He… he had to be hearing this wrong. He had to be. "Loki."

"A world without you in it made no sense to me. I knew that what I felt for you was not quite right – that it was not what it should be. Nor would it ever be accepted in Asgard. Yet, when had either of us ever been accepted?" A bitter parody of a smile twisted Loki's lips. "We were always the outcasts. The two imperfect pieces in an otherwise pristine collection. Who else would I have fallen in love with?"

The tears that Tony had been fighting before were burning trails down his cheeks now. This… this was everything he'd wanted, everything he'd dreamed of, and yet it was too good to be true. Tony wanted so desperately to trust this. He did. He wanted more than anything to reach out with both hands to what he thought Loki was offering here, and grab hold of it. To never let it go. But he'd been burned one too many times in life. I don't get this. These things, they don't happen to me.

"Don't…" The word tore from Tony, throbbing with the pain that was wrapped tightly around his heart. "I can't… if you're just… " Words failed Tony. He dropped every pretense, every wall, and looked up at Loki with open pleading in his eyes, begging the one person he'd always trusted. Begging for Loki not to break him. "Don't." The soft whisper was all Tony could get out.

In an instant, just the blink of an eye it felt like, Loki went from seated nearby to kneeling at Tony's feet. His hands were shaking, Tony noticed. Fine tremors ran through them as Loki brought them up and cupped Tony's face in a gentle hold that only served to make Tony's tears come faster. He had no defenses left here. All his secrets had been laid bare, and he was just, he was so tired. Today had been too much, and Tony was too exhausted to fight it anymore.

"Anto," Loki breathed Tony's name out like it was a prayer and a benediction all rolled into one. As if it were the sweetest sound he was ever going to say. Then he drew himself up until they were able to press their foreheads together. He tilted his head, nuzzling his nose against Tony's. "You sweet, amazing, idiotic fool. I have lost you once already in my life. Even though I wasn't aware of what I lost, I still felt it. I am not complete without you. Do not think that I am ever going to let you go again."

The whole world seemed to fall away as Loki leaned in and closed that last tiny bit of distance, pressing his lips against Tony's. It was the softest, most chaste kiss that Tony had ever been a part of, and it felt like coming home.