Chapter 25: Flying vs Falling

"Morning, Gil."

"Morning, Birdie." Gilbert glanced over his shoulder with a smile before quickly turning back to the stove as Matthew walked into the kitchen. It was rare that he was up before the other, so he had taken the opportunity to cook breakfast for a change. He wasn't attempting pancakes (he remembered how that had went and any result would probably be an insult to the greatness that was Matthew's), but omelets. He hadn't expected to be alone for long and they were quick, straight forward, and delicious. It also satisfied Matthew's insistence on having more than one food group for breakfast.

"What are you making?" Matthew asked he came over to look for himself. He hummed in response as Gilbert folded the nearly done omelet over and continued, "You need me to do anything?"

Gilbert eyed the food before turning off the burner and looking at Matthew with a smirk. "A kiss would be nice?"

Matthew laughed and gave Gilbert a little shove. "I meant with breakfast, you dork."

Gilbert pouted, his eyes teasing. "You mean I can't get a good morning kiss? Birdie, I'm wounded."

Matthew rolled his eyes but his smile only brightened as he moved in closer. "Well, since you asked so nicely…"

Gilbert meant it just be a good morning, happy to see you kiss when he leaned in to capture Matthew's lips. He even got as far as pulling back after a long moment, his hand on Matthew's neck. But Matthew chased him and pulled him back with a hand on his T-shirt. He bit Gilbert's lip and all of his good intentions flew out the window. He made a low sound in his throat and kissed back, his hands moving to pull Matthew closer by the waist and the back of his neck. He took advantage of Matthew's sigh, deepening the kiss and swallowing the resulting sound down with base satisfaction.

It wasn't long before he felt Matthew trying to slow them, so he pulled away and looked down to check on him. He stroked Matthew's jaw with his thumb and asked, "You okay?"

Matthew laughed a little to himself before saying, "The island is digging into my back."

"Oh." Gilbert hadn't realized he had pushed Matthew against the counter. "Why didn't you say so?" Then he pulled back a just enough to quickly pick Matthew up by his hips and set him on the island so he was standing between his legs. "Better?"

Matthew stared through him for a moment, eyes out of focus with only a thin sliver of dark blue visible. He blinked a few times then let out a shaky sigh. "Yeah."

"Good." He leaned in to continue kissing him only to hear a low, angry rumble from Matthew's stomach. Gilbert raised his eyebrows and backed away as Matthew shot his stomach a look of betrayal. "I'm going to take a wild guess and say that you're hungry?"

"I'm not that hungry," Matthew said, sounding as put out as Gilbert had ever heard. He laughed and then, because he could, kissed the tip of Matthew's nose before turning away to put the omelet on a plate. The other was already in the oven to keep it warm, so he pulled that out too. He turned off the oven and walked towards the table. It was only after the put the plates down did he realize Matthew hadn't moved and was looking at him with utter bewilderment written all over his face.

"What?"

"You…you just…how did you?"

"Um…?"

"You can't just go from sexy to adorable like that."

Gilbert smirked and grabbed them some silverware. "Apparently I can."

Matthew was shaking his head as he stood. As he moved to get them glasses, he said, "It's against the rules. I have whiplash."

"There are no rules."

"Of course there are rules. Everything has rules."

"Oh, really?"

"Yes, really."

"I thought all was fair in love and war."

"Yeah, well, whoever came up with that obviously never had a real relationship or fought in a war."

Gilbert didn't say anything immediately in response, too busy grinning at their domesticity. Matthew continued speaking, distracted by cutting his food and the roll he was on. "I mean, seriously Gil, you can't go from being well on your way to making me forget my name to kissing me on the nose like I'm the most adorable thing you've ever seen. It puts a man off balance." He took a bite, humming appreciatively. "Oh, this is good."

Matthew froze then, fork mid-motion as noticed for the first time that Gilbert hadn't said anything in a while. Gilbert practically heard the gears in Matthew's head stop as his brain caught up with his mouth. He continued smiling, albeit with raised eyebrows now.

The silence stretched for a moment before Gilbert prompted, "You were saying?"

"This is a really good omelet."

"No, I meant that thing about forgetting your name?" Amusement and smug satisfaction laced his voice and Matthew groaned in response, embarrassed because he clearly never meant to say about half of that.

Matthew looked down at his food again, electing to ignore Gilbert if only to move on from this. He said with as much venom as possible (not much at all), "You're awful."

"That's not what you were saying last night or five seconds ago." Gilbert started to laugh until he saw that Matthew was actually really embarrassed. He stopped teasing and said gently, "Sorry. If it makes you feel better, I forget things when you touch me, too."

Matthew's flushed deepened but Gilbert saw the small smile that appeared on his face. Satisfied, Gilbert tucked in to his meal and Matthew picked up the conversation, changing the topic to what they needed to buy for the week at the grocery store. Gilbert followed his lead and then it felt like any other breakfast they shared.

Well, not quite. When they stood to clean up and Matthew kissed him on the cheek with a soft thanks for breakfast, angel, Gilbert thought that today's breakfast was better than any before.

Matthew wasn't blind or stupid. He knew things were progressing rather quickly. Before they started dating, Gilbert was already de facto living in his house and they had reached a level of comfort with each other that was usually reserved for close friendships. All this transitioned rather easily once romance started to creep in. He was comfortable with that and was ecstatic things were going so well. The thing that gave Matthew pause was that it felt like Gilbert went from being a visitor to them living together, which was a little too fast for him.

The thing between them was new and intense. They slipped into domesticity so easily that it felt like breathing. The rapport between them was as strong as it ever was, only changing in tone when they were actively flirting. And that scared him.

This was how it always was between them, including the night Gilbert had arrived, still emotionally reeling from Roderich. The dreams Gilbert had early on and his insecurities over being anything but normal were proof enough that he was still hurting. That was fine, expected even, and Matthew respected Gilbert's privacy and pain. But the thought that he was just a placeholder nagged at him in the quiet hours when they took the time to be by themselves.

Matthew knew that, if he wanted those feelings to go away, all he had to do was go upstairs to find Gilbert in his office, reading over whatever Ludwig had sent him. He would smile at him and Matthew would forget Roderich. The rest of the world would fall away with a touch and with a kiss… Just being with Gilbert felt like he was flying. It felt so good. Too good, to the point that it was frightening.

Matthew knew the end before they began. He made peace with the idea that Gilbert would leave him eventually. Hell, Gilbert had even made sure to say if we don't work out before he mentioned staying his friend. Matthew believed that he would always be a call away and that Gilbert didn't lie to him earlier. He knew Gilbert had good intentions. He also knew where that road led.

The problem was that he never expected being together to feel as amazing as it did. He reveled in the feeling. Even with his thoughts of the future, Matthew still felt content to his bones, a strange sensation of happiness that threatened to make him smile at any given moment like a love-struck teenager. He promised himself that he would enjoy the present and he was. But, by God, he never expected this.

He never expected the protectiveness he felt towards Gilbert, a desire to avenge his pain and defend his heart. He never expected the intimacy between them, both platonic and otherwise; a passion that could break him apart in the best way. He never expected the caring, thoughtfulness, excitement or joy or the idea that Gilbert would match him, point by point, at every turn. He never expected to fall in love.

Matthew recoiled from that thought so violently that he flinched. This couldn't be love; it was far too soon, Matthew knew that. But he also knew that if love was more than what he was feeling now, then he might not survive when Gilbert left. Every second they spent together, the higher Matthew flew. It would just make his fall all the more painful. And fuck if that wasn't terrifying.

Kumajiro entered the room and wandered over to Matthew. Despite his mood, Matthew smiled at the polar bear and reached towards him. Kumajiro laid his head on Matthew's stomach and whined a bit. He could always sense when Matthew needed comfort and he wasn't wrong.

Because Matthew would be damned if he let his fear take this slice of happiness away from him. But by putting off the inevitable (because really, how else could this end?), he just made letting go harder. Matthew would fight for Gilbert, fight for them. But he would never make Gilbert stay where he was unhappy and the thought of Gilbert just staying to save his feelings made him physically ill. So he would have to let go, sooner or later. Though Matthew would always choose later, he knew how this ended.

He was damned if he did and damned if he didn't. Since I'm already going to hell, he thought, I might as well enjoy the way down.

Matthew poked his head into his office and said, "Hey, Gil? Do you have a second?"

Already looking in meant that Matthew had the opportunity to see Gilbert's face light up when he saw him as his frown of concentration stretched into a smile. The flying feeling returned and he absently thought that his heart had no chance at all. Because that expression? It was enough to make Matthew think that he wasn't in love yet, but he was well on his way. Well, he thought, I'm fucked. A voice in his head that sounded a bit like Gilbert whispered back, not yet, you aren't.

Matthew shivered a little and Gilbert, oblivious, said, "Always for you, Birdie. What's up?"

Matthew hesitated, second guessing the timing of this conversation. Gilbert could be in the middle of something and it felt a little presumptuous to even be bringing it up. Then again, they were both free of alcohol and hormones and it was better talk about this now rather than when it would actually matter.

Gilbert noticed the hesitation and his smile dimmed, worry beginning to creep into his eyes. Matthew wondered at how he could read that as Gilbert asked, "Is everything all right?"

"Yeah, yes everything is fine. It's just…are you in the middle of something?"

"Nope. Just let me—" Gilbert clicked around for a moment before closing the laptop completely. Matthew was fully aware that he could have been doing something, but dropped it for him anyway. "You now have my undivided attention."

That worrying warmth spread through Matthew again and he began to explain himself. "Just hear me out, okay? We don't have to talk about this now if you don't want to and I'm not assuming anything. Okay, I am assuming something but I'm not expecting anything. I don't want you to feel pressured or uncomfortable, so just let me know if you are, eh?"

Gilbert didn't even try to hide the worry on his face. "Mattie, you're scaring me by talking around whatever it is, so just say it. I'm not going to cut and run if—"

"I want to have sex with you," Matthew blurted out, nerves getting the better of him. He felt his face heat as Gilbert's face cleared of worry and went straight for astonishment. Then, to his great surprise, Gilbert started to blush, too, just a light dusting of pink on his cheeks. Matthew had forgotten how pretty Gilbert looked when he blushed just a little. This didn't seem like the time to comment on it though.

Gilbert cleared his throat with a slight cough and said, "Is that a problem? Because the feeling's mutual."

Their eyes met and that now familiar tension appeared, thicker than before. Matthew licked his suddenly dry lips. Gilbert's eyes flicked down to follow the movement and Matthew struggled to remember what he needed to say. Oh, right. Sex.

"Great. Brilliant. We need to talk about that."

Gilbert's posture shifted slightly in his seat and Matthew got the feeling that he was being hunted in the best possible way. His voice had shifted to a slightly lower register by the time he said, "What's there to talk about?"

"Limits and safewords, for one."

Gilbert seemed startled for some reason, sitting upright with a soft, "Oh."

"Yeah, oh. Let's start off easy: do you have a specific safeword or are you good with traffic lights?"

Gilbert swallowed before he answered, "Grunwald. My safeword is Grunwald."

Matthew paused. "Are you okay, angel?"

Gilbert seemed to shake himself and said, "Yeah, sorry about that. What's yours, if you have one?"

"No need to apologize. Mine is Châteauguay. I know it's a bit of a mouthful but that's what it is."

"Hey, no judgements here. As long as it works for you."

Matthew smiled only to have it fade as he asked, "Hard limits?"

Gilbert winced and rubbed his neck a bit. "I don't like being held down at all or pain beyond some biting, hair pulling, or scratch marks. I can't do breath-play or anything with temperature. Role playing is also out for me. I don't like feeling like I'm not myself."

Matthew fought to make sure the concern he felt stayed off his face and wasn't sure if succeeded. He nodded and said, "None but the obvious bodily fluids, though some blood is okay with me."

Gilbert blanched and said, "Jesus, yeah, for me, too."

"Good to know. I'm pretty much fine with anything that doesn't scar or maim. I'm not a huge fan of pain, but find it can enjoyable in the right mindset."

Gilbert blinked slowly a few times, apparently trying to process the information. "That leaves a lot open, Birdie."

"Yeah, I know. There's just a few things I can really think of to mention. I don't do humiliation and I never want to feel like I mean nothing to you."

"Trust me, that won't ever happen."

Matthew's mouth quirked to one side for a second before he let the bittersweet feeling go. Possessiveness filled him for a minute and he felt his eyes harden as he said, "One last thing: I don't share."

Gilbert picked up on Matthew's meaning and smiled in a way that was nearly feral. "Neither do I."

They smiled at each other and the air became heavier, the air between them crackling with more violence than before. In that atmosphere, Matthew asked, "Would you be comfortable with holding me down?"

Gilbert's eyes got darker. "Yeah, I can do that. I just don't think I will be able to deliberately hurt you. I know it might feel good to you, but I don't think I could do it."

"That's fine. I just want you to be comfortable. I'm pretty flexible."

Gilbert raised his eyebrows at that and Matthew realized the double meaning. He just shrugged at him. Both were true. Gilbert let out a bark of laughter, like he couldn't believe this, only to ask, "Anything else I should know?"

"Oh, yeah. I forgot to mention that I'm a switch, but I think that covers it for me. You?"

"I prefer to top, but I enjoy bottoming, too. Now, can I ask you what you do like or do you want me to figure it out?"

"I'll tell you some things but you know field testing theories is always the best method of learning."

"That might take a while. I have a lot of theories and you know replication of experiments is the best way to prove your results."

Matthew laughed because Gilbert had never sounded more like the nerd he was but, hey, he liked smart men. So instead of making fun of him, he went with it. "Your method sounds reasonable and I'm counting on it taking a long time. It's always good to be thorough."

They grinned at each other, having fun with the moment. "You're right. I'm lucky to have such astute partner."

"I doubt you'll find better."

"I'm sure of it." Matthew inhaled sharply at that and the air shifted again. Gilbert's expression didn't change much, but it did gain an edge that already had Matthew moving before Gilbert even finished saying, "Come here."

Matthew knew that the chair wasn't wide enough that he could comfortably straddle Gilbert so he put his hands on the arms of it and leaned down, saying, "I have an idea."

"I'm listening."

"It's kind of an 'I'll show you mine if you show me yours' deal."

Gilbert voice sounded strained when he said, "Still listening."

"I'll tell you something I like then you tell me something you like. How about five things each? That way there's still plenty of room for trial and error. We can do this throughout our date tonight, but we have to make sure that no one else notices what we're talking about."

Gilbert groaned and looked pained. "We'll be in public and I won't be able to touch you."

He grinned. "I know. But Gil," Matthew lowered his eyes and bit his lip deliberately, acting as shy as he usually was yet feeling anything but. He looked back at Gilbert with wide eyes and said, "Don't you want to play with me?"

"Fuck." Gilbert surged upwards to catch Matthew in a bruising kiss. Matthew gasped, delighted that he pushed Gilbert to the point just having to touch him. He pressed Gilbert back into the chair, making sure not to move his hands from the arm rest. He was still restless from this thoughts before and felt the urge to tell Gilbert, just release his tension. He couldn't actually say it, too afraid and cautious to put it into words, so he tried to put everything he was feeling into that kiss. All the desire, (not quite, damn it) love, desperation, and fear, everything.

Something must have gotten through to Gilbert after a few moments because he made a high, almost distressed sound and touched Matthew's face as he slowed the kiss. Matthew tried to make it as frantic as before, regretting his impulsive action, but Gilbert was insistent. He slowed his movements until Matthew was forced to follow and the kiss went from lustful to languid.

Gilbert pulled back enough to say, "Come here." He used one hand to bend one of Matthew's elbows and the other to twist his hips downward, forcing him to almost fall into Gilbert's lap with his sudden lack of balance. Matthew's mind went blank and he easily accepted Gilbert turning his head to re-initiate the kiss. He let out a sound that came from his voice cracking, only to have the sound drowned by Gilbert's grunt of satisfaction of having Matthew close. Distantly, he thought, why am I telling him anything? He clearly already has me pinned.

Gilbert never let their kiss speed, only deepen and Matthew felt higher than before. If his feelings were a cup, it was already nearly full and every second Gilbert spent touching him like this was another drop of liquid. He was helpless to stop it from overflowing if this went on, so he had to stop this. Like, five minutes ago.

He slowly pulled away, hand soft on Gilbert's face to reassure him that nothing was wrong even though something really was. Well, it was nothing Gilbert did wrong. If anything, he was doing too much right.

The sound of their heavy breathing echoed through the otherwise silent room. Matthew found himself sitting sideways on Gilbert's lap. Gilbert had an arm around his back, hand resting on his thigh, with the other snaked around him to grip his shoulder. It was with that hand that Gilbert began to rub his back soothingly and Matthew opened his eyes to see surprise and concern on Gilbert's face. It wasn't surprise born of Matthew pulling back, but looked something like discovery, like he had found something he wasn't even looking for and Matthew really needed to leave this room.

Matthew nipped at Gilbert's bottom lip before pulling away completely and standing up. Gilbert seemed to resist at first but let him go easily enough. The concern in his face only increased and he asked, "Birdie, are you okay? Did I do some—"

"No, you didn't do anything wrong, angel, I promise," Matthew had to nip that thought in the bud immediately. Gilbert shouldn't have to feel bad because of his issues and Matthew knew his priorities rested with making sure Gilbert was happy. Leaving was already hard enough but if Gilbert thought that he did something wrong then Matthew would never make it out of this room. "I just remembered I had to do something, that's all." It wasn't a lie, but it felt like one. It wasn't like he could just come out and say, hey, I had to stop you kissing me like that because it will make me love you and I'm not ready for that, so his explanation would have to suffice.

Gilbert frowned like he didn't quite believe him but said, "Okay, as long as you're alright…"

"I am," Matthew smiled and it felt like too much. He had to leave, but needed to make Gilbert think about something other than what just happened. So he headed towards the door only to stop in the doorway and smirk at him with wickedness he didn't have to fake. He said, "I'll tell you one, free of charge."

"Oh, yeah?" Gilbert leaned forward to rest his arms on the desk and looked interested enough. "And what's that?"

"I tease a lot, but I always deliver." Matthew left the room, feeling like Gilbert was distracted enough. Now he had to find a way to distract himself.

He stopped in his room to change and then headed down to his home gym. It was easier not to think when you were fighting your body to keep moving. That sounded like the best option at the moment.

To say that Gilbert was on edge would be an understatement. Matthew seemed to be dealing with the way the mood changed between them relatively easily outside of what happened that morning. But how they could go from hot-and-heavy to playful then almost violently passionate only to go back to calm friendship in a short period of time left him dizzy. It was a good feeling, but it wasn't exactly easy to adjust to. He'd manage.

He hadn't seen Matthew much since their talk in the office and it had been several hours. He didn't think Matthew was avoiding him, per se, but he certainly didn't linger when they ran into each other in the kitchen. Matthew was sweaty from a workout and Gilbert was about to say something when Matthew just smiled and jogged past him, saying something about not being late. It wouldn't have worried Gilbert by itself but Matthew hadn't been as smooth as he thought when he all but ran out the room earlier. Yes, Gilbert had been distracted at the thought of Matthew teasing him all night only to make good on all of it later. He wasn't ashamed to admit that; Matthew was distracting. But it didn't make him forget what he felt when Matthew first kissed him back or how he looked right before he left.

That kiss. That kiss was the equivalent to Matthew's bittersweet smile that said he wanted so much but never expected to get it, the one that Gilbert never wanted to see again. He didn't know if Matthew meant for him to understand what he was feeling from a kiss alone or even if he meant to put that much emotion into it but, God help him, he thinks he got the gist of it.

He had known Matthew wanted him, had felt just how much on more than one occasion. He had known Matthew cared about him, a fact that had been proven time and time again. He had known that Matthew was afraid of him leaving. But he never could have guessed that he felt those things as deeply as he did. Matthew kissed him like he was the air he needed to breathe and like he was the most precious thing in the world. It felt like a claiming, like Matthew wouldn't dare let anyone else near him because Gilbert was his. It felt like Matthew loved him. All this would have had Gilbert jumping for joy because holy shit, we may actually have a shot and thank God, now I never have to let him go, if not for one thing.

It also had felt like Matthew was fucking terrified.

Gilbert doesn't think Matthew noticed, but his hands had been shaking hard enough to rock the seat. Gilbert had tried to comfort him by pulling him close and slowing them down enough for Matthew to get that Gilbert cared about him, too, so very much. Matthew had fought him but when he did slow he seemed to shake harder for a moment, even as he gave himself over to the kiss. The trembling had stopped suddenly when Gilbert had pulled him down and didn't return by the time Matthew pulled away. Fear had been written all over his face before it went blank with something like resignation. That, more than anything, worried him.

Gilbert didn't want to push because Matthew had respected his privacy, but it was hard knowing there was something wrong but not being able to help. So he had let Matthew go and watch him put on a brave face before running away. From what, he could only guess.

If Matthew was afraid of his feelings, then there wasn't much Gilbert could do besides be a steady, caring presence. He would do his best to treat Matthew right because he deserved nothing less and try to show him that there really was nothing to be afraid of here. At least, not from him. Showing was always more convincing than telling, anyway.

So Gilbert was going to go out with Matthew and play his game. They were going to have a great time and afterwards, if Matthew said yes, Gilbert was going to do his best to take him apart, piece by piece. Then, once he put him back together, maybe Matthew would understand.

It was during a pause in their casual conversation in the car that Gilbert decided to ask how exactly this whole thing was going to work.

He started with, "So, I'm assuming there are some rules to this game?"

Matthew shot him a shit-eating grin before looking back the road. "How'd ya guess?"

"Call it a shot in the dark," Gilbert said, deadpan. Matthew laughed.

"Let me think about it for a second." There was only a short moment of waiting before Matthew continued with, "Okay, we each mention five things that we like during sex, one at a time, throughout the night. We alternate, but we don't have to share immediately after the other does. Whoever breaks first or does something to draw attention to the fact that we are doing something inappropriate loses."

"What qualifies as breaking?"

"Touching more than what most people would be comfortable witnessing in public or suggesting we go home early."

"When does it start?"

"As soon as this conversation's finished."

They pulled up to a newly red light. Gilbert said, "In that case…" and reached across the car to pull Matthew in to a brief but filthy kiss. Gilbert gave Matthew no time to react as he used his hand to open Matthew's mouth a little to pull his tongue into his mouth and suck. It wasn't graceful or neat, but it was effective. Matthew made a high pitched startled sound and just started to kiss back when Gilbert jerked away to see the light turn green. He smiled innocently at Matthew's blank look and said, "Light's green, Birdie."

Matthew turned back towards the road in a slight daze and they began moving again. He wiped at his mouth and said, "I'm going to get you back for that. It's going on the list."

"What list?"

"Of things that I need to get you back for, of course."

"What? Why is there a list if there's only this one thing?"

"No, you tickled me. That's on the list, too."

"You're serious."

"I told you when it happened that I was going to get revenge. I don't know why you're surprised."

Gilbert chuckled nervously, remembering Matthew had said something about getting revenge when he least expected it. He swallowed and suggested, "Can we get back on topic, please?"

"Yes, let's." Matthew blew an audible breath then said, "Do you have any other questions?"

"When does the game end?"

"When we step through my front door or someone loses."

"What does the winner get?"

Matthew smirked at him, "Whatever they want."

"If no one loses?"

"Then we both win."

Gilbert thought for a moment about what he wanted. He smiled and said, "I like this game."

"Then are you ready to start?"

"Yeah, let's do this."

"Great! I'll go first." There was a solid minute of quiet, only the radio saving them from silence, while Gilbert waited for Matthew to say something. When he finally did, he said, "Are you okay with flying to Stockholm early Thursday morning?"

Gilbert looked at him, the question not quite registering in his brain for a second because it was so far from what he expected. Then he laughed, a little hysterically from the tension, for a second and said, "Yes, that's fine. Do we have any layovers?"

"We have one in London, but we'll make good time if the weather co-operates."

"Sounds good to me. I'll have to tell Ludwig when we arrive so we can meet up. He said earlier that he wanted to talk with me that night so we could go over a few things before the meeting."

"Oh. That sounds reasonable." There was something off about Matthew's voice. Gilbert couldn't quite place it but it didn't sound good. It seemed like there was something he wasn't saying. "I should call Alfred, though he'll probably be busy with Arthur or something."

"I'm sure he'll want to see you. You could call Francy-pants, too. He's mentioned you enough time to me in the past to want to see you."

"Really?"

"Yeah. Why do you sound like you don't believe me?"

Matthew sighed. "It's not that I think you're lying, Gil. It's that I hadn't heard from Francis outside of work for over a year until he called looking for you. On that note, I haven't seen Alfred in months, though he does call periodically."

"What? Shit, I'm sorry, Birdie." Gilbert couldn't imagine what that was like. He had lived with Ludwig for most of the time since he found him and never went long without seeing Francis, Antonio, or Alistair, at the very least. He reached over, took one of Matthew's hands, and interlaced their fingers. It was within the rules and Matthew could drive with one hand. He squeezed it gently and asked, "What happened when you called them?"

"They would talk a bit but it usually seemed like they were rushing through the conversation and I got the impression that I was bothering them. I don't know if that was true, but I felt like it was. So I called less frequently until I stopped trying altogether with Francis and only call Alfred every few months."

Gilbert frowned. "What about Nate and Yekaterina? You said you know them, right?'

Matthew shot him a surprised look. "You remember that?"

"Of course I do. I remember most of what you tell me."

Matthew smiled and said, "Nate isn't one for many words, though we're friendly when we see each other. Katyusha is nice and we do talk occasionally, but she truly is busy. Whenever we do talk she seems delighted. I talk to Alistair, of course. Arthur calls, and while it's mostly for business or to complain about my brother, he really is friendly. He even stopped mistaking Alfred and I when we meet in person. I'm really happy he did, especially because it was right after they started sleeping together."

"That's certainly incentive, I guess."

Matthew laughed. "I have no hard feelings towards Arthur. He wasn't unpleasant towards me growing up and, admittedly, Alfred and I do look a lot alike. Also, he was genuinely apologetic whenever he mixed us up."

"I don't think you look like your brother that much. I could never mistake you for being anyone but you."

"Yeah, but you're different."

The smiled at each other for a moment before Matthew turned towards the road again. After a few minutes of comfortable quiet, the silence broken on by the sounds of the radio, Gilbert said, "Hey, Birdie?"

"Yes, angel?"

"Would you call me your boyfriend?"

The question seemed to throw Matthew for a second as he turned into a parking lot. It belonged to the music lounge they were going to and seemed reasonably full for a Saturday night. Frowning, Matthew said, sounding cautious and confused, "Well, I think of you as my boyfriend, though we don't have to call each other that. I mean, do you not want to be my boyfriend?"

"No, I do! I just didn't know if you thought of us that way. I, uh, well. I wanted to know how to introduce you to my brother. If you wouldn't mind, I mean. And, maybe if you didn't have anything else to do Thursday night, you could go to dinner with us? You certainly don't have to if you don't want to." Gilbert winced through his blush, finally able to stop himself from saying anything more.

Matthew parked the car and turned to look at Gilbert. He was frowning a little, not like he was mad but just didn't know what was going on. "You can introduce me as your boyfriend if you want, Gil, and I'll think about dinner, but is that what you really want to know?"

"What do you mean?"

"Do you want to keep our relationship a secret?"

Gilbert flinched because what? Matthew sounded calm but there was an edge to it, like this was a precursor to a fight. "No. I don't want to hide. Sure, I'm not going to run through Stockholm with a loud speaker announcing that we're dating but I wasn't planning on going out of my way to hide us. Why? Do you want to keep us a secret?" The thought hurt more than he expected.

Matthew sighed and closed his eyes. "No, Gil, I don't."

"Then where is this coming from?"

Matthew pinched the bridge of his nose and said, "I'm sorry, Gil, I am so sorry. I shouldn't have even asked. It's just, I know Roderich is going to be there and I didn't know if you would want to…"

"What, be with you?" Matthew didn't say anything. Gilbert felt awful because he hadn't even thought about Roderich being there and he really should have. He said softly, "Oh, no, Mattie. Please, Schätzchen, look at me." Matthew did and Gilbert saw the doubt in his eyes.

He had to fix this, so he said, "Birdie, I hadn't even thought about Roderich being there, I swear. I don't want to hide because I'm the luckiest guy in the world. I'm dating one of the best people I have met in my many years and he seems to want me to stick around for some reason. I want to share that with my family because I know they would want to meet you properly and would be happy for me. That's all."

Matthew looked floored for some reason and Gilbert really needed to touch him. He asked, "Can I please kiss you?"

Matthew nodded and Gilbert kissed him the same way he did earlier, trying his best to reassure his shy boyfriend who seemed to have been by hurt so much. Matthew made a broken sound and kissed him back with everything he had. Gilbert pulled away slowly, aware of their surroundings, and touched his forehead to Matthew's as he tried to catch his breath.

In that quiet, Matthew breathed, "I really like being marked. It makes me feel wanted, like I'm claimed."

Gilbert smiled and chuckled lightly to himself. "Is that why you ripped my shirt?"

"Yeah."

"Okay, Schätzchen." Gilbert kissed Matthew again briefly and then pulled away completely. "Okay. Do you still want to go out?"

Matthew smiled weakly at him but nodded. "Yeah. I'll be fine and we're already here. Come on."

They got out of the car and walked towards the lounge's entrance hand-in-hand. Gilbert hoped that what he had done was enough for now.

Matthew was well and truly fucked. He'd flown too close to the sun, jumped down the rabbit hole, and dived into a shark-infested tank. There was no saving him now. He was in love with Gilbert, damn the timeline. It shouldn't have happened, but that kiss was the straw that broke the camel's back. It shouldn't be true, but it was and now Matthew had no choice but to deal with it.

About 20 minutes had passed before Gilbert felt comfortable enough to answer Matthew's silent request to go about their evening as planned. They had both grown more relaxed listening to the neo-classical versions of popular songs as provided by the talented local band headlining the club's entertainment. It was dark (even the performance space was dimly lit) and relatively crowded as round tables with two or more chairs littered the area just behind the dancefloor and just before the bigger booths lining the walls.

They were sitting at one of these tables side-by-side, drinks in hand and maybe half a meter from the other table when Gilbert leaned closer to Matthew and say, "I tend to get a really filthy mouth once things get past a certain point. I like telling my partners exactly what I'm doing and thinking, so I really hope you don't mind dirty talk."

Matthew blinked at him as he moved back to his previous position with his arm stretched around the back of Matthew's chair and his eyes facing front towards the band. To any other person, Gilbert looked like he had just leaned in to be heard over the music, not so other people didn't hear. It was a commonplace and subtle gesture, so Matthew looked like the strange one for blinking owlishly at Gilbert for a moment before smirking and all but draining his drink. When he was done, his voice sounded rough as he said, "I don't mind at all."

A good half-hour passed of maybe-if-we-ignore-it-then-it will-go-away tension and friendly conversation before Matthew said during one of the band's breaks, "I really like being manhandled."

"Oh, I had noticed that," Gilbert said, smug because he remembered how Matthew's eyes had gone blank both times he had moved him like he weighed nothing. He shot back, voice low, "I get off on my partner's pleasure. The more I make you fall apart, the more relentless I am. Do you understand?"

Gilbert watched Matthew close his eyes and do a full body shudder. Gilbert trailed in fingers against the back of his neck in a motion designed to look like he was reaching for his drink, but they both knew it was deliberate. Matthew's hands formed fists has he fought his body's reaction to Gilbert's words and the knowledge that Gilbert was watching his every move. When he had regained control over himself, Matthew's gaze sought out their server to signal for a third drink. If Gilbert hadn't been paying such close attention to him, he would have missed Matthew's soft, "Yeah, I think I understand."

Their interactions were more aggressive after that, each trying to push the other to their limit despite the fact they both knew it didn't matter if someone actually "won" their game. The end would be the same, regardless. So their touches lingered a second longer than what was appropriate and they didn't try to hide just how effected they were in their voices. By an unspoken agreement, they were waiting for the band's next set to end before leaving. The music was good and they were both enjoying the unique arrangements but they were having trouble noticing anything beyond each other.

About halfway through, Matthew said, "I like feeling dirty after sex, like everyone will be able to see what happened even after I've cleaned up."

"What exactly does that mean?"

Matthew looked at Gilbert in the eye with a flash of…something. He had never seen the look before from Matthew and the best Gilbert could describe it would be darkly knowing. It set him on edge.

Matthew let the question linger for a moment before saying, almost contemplatively, "I believe the modern term for someone like me is 'come slut.'"

Gilbert's brain broke. That was the only word to describe it because for a second he literally could not process what those words meant. If he was a computer, his eyes would be flashing the "Error 404" message. Maybe it was his mind trying to save him because once he did understand, a series of rapid images flashed through his mind of what that looked like and how that would work and Gilbert lost minutes of time.

When he finally came back to himself, Matthew was humming idly with the song and tapping his foot to the beat. They were holding hands on top of the table and Matthew was distractedly running his thumb over Gilbert's knuckles. To top it all off, Matthew shot him a wide-eyed, innocent look. Gilbert thought he was in shock.

What he said was, "How are you even real?"

Matthew shrugged and then, when Gilbert didn't stop staring at him, laughed. "Calm down, angel. I'm teasing you. No one uses that term outside of porn and I said it to shock you. I really am half joking."

"But doesn't that mean you're also half serious?"

Matthew shrugged again and smiled.

Gilbert drained his drink, hoping the alcohol would help him make sense of the situation, and signaled for another. He wasn't complaining, not in the least. He would have been completely mad to complain that his boyfriend was more than a little adventurous in the bedroom. It's just… "Okay, you've got to help me out here. I'm not judging and I am so not complaining, but you're being, well, brazen, when usually you're reserved. I also didn't expect you to be so…"

"Freaky? Kinky?"

"…Open to not only liking this stuff but being able to talk about it comfortably."

"Sex is just different for me, Gil. There are very few expectations as far as politeness goes. If you and your partner aren't on the same page then the sex will not only not live up to its full potential, but can be dangerous. Also, I like sex and I'm not ashamed of that or how many different ways I like it. If I don't let you know what feels good, then why would you keep doing it or even try it out?"

"So you've always been this vocal? I'm not trying to interrogate you, I'm just trying to understand."

"I know, angel." Matthew leaned in to give him a brief kiss. "Most of the time, there are rules of society that keeps us civil towards each other. A lot of people break them or simply don't care, but I'm very cautious not to hurt or offend anyone because that is how I would like to be treated. I know the world isn't kind or fair, but I try to be. Sex has absolutely nothing to do with that besides mutual consent and respect. But to answer your question, no, I haven't always been as vocal about it. I had, well, an unfortunate experience because my partner and I didn't communicate. I survived because of what I am and he was devastated at the thought of hurting me, but it's not something I ever wanted to repeat.

"I also think that the fact that it's you makes me all the more determined to make things absolutely clear."

Gilbert took all that in and it made sense. It was just so Matthew when he explained it. But he didn't get that last bit. "What makes me different?" His drink arrived and he started to take a sip.

"Well, you're my first boyfriend and the first Nation I've been with. If you thi—Gil!"

Gilbert started to choke on his whiskey when the sentence was half done and was too distracted by the end to try to cough. He felt the liquid reach his lungs and he had to excuse himself to the restroom to cough like he was trying to expel his entire cardiovascular system rather than a little alcohol. He was incapable of drowning but it still hurt.

When Gilbert returned, Matthew looked very worried. He wiped at his eyes and said, his voice rough from coughing. "Sorry, sorry. I'm okay. What were you saying?"

"You're my first boyfriend. I've only ever had sex with humans and I couldn't exactly commit to them. Francis warned me off of that when I was a child. I saw how torn up he was over Joan even centuries later and never took the risk to actually date a human. Is… that a problem?" Matthew sounded worried again.

"Of course not, Schätzchen." Gilbert kissed his forehead and drew him into a hug. "I just don't understand how no one saw what I see."

"That's the other part of what makes you special, Gil. I haven't felt the need to be anything but myself with you, even the rude and mean bits that I keep under control almost constantly. You not only accepted those sides but encouraged them because they are a part of me. How could I not treat you differently?"

Matthew looked slightly up at Gilbert when he asked the question with a small frown. Gilbert's breath caught and he fought every urge he had to kiss Matthew exactly as he wanted. Instead he said, "The set is almost over." He thought Matthew would understand what he wasn't saying and he was right.

"Yes, it is."

The vocalist for the band, a small, curvy woman with mahogany skin and beautiful braids, said, "This next one is a song we just finished arraigning from the original. We would like you to be the first to hear it. This is our take on Lana Del Rey's 'Million Dollar Man.'"

The song began slowly and Gilbert leaned towards Matthew to say, "I love doing oral."

Gilbert felt Matthew startle, like he had forgotten they were still playing. Then he squeezed his hand and Gilbert saw Matthew's breathing speed out of the corner of his eye. He was still facing the stage and the woman began to sing.

"You said I was the most exotic flower

Holding me tight in our final hour

I don't know how you convince them and get them but,

I don't know what you do. It's unbelievable.

And I don't know how you get over, get over

Someone as dangerous, tainted, and flawed as you.

One for the money. Two for the show.

I love you, honey. I'm ready, I'm ready to go.

How did you get that way? I don't know.

You're screwed up and brilliant,

Look like a million dollar man.

So why is my heart broke?"

"I'm a voyeur."

Gilbert looked at Matthew who was looking quite pointedly at the stage and smiled. "That's interesting, because I'm an exhibitionist. But you probably could have guessed that."

Matthew smirked. "Makes sense after what you did when we went to the nightclub."

"You got the world,

But, baby, at what price?

Something so strange,

Hard to define.

It isn't that hard, boy, to like you

Or love you.

I'd follow you down, down, down.

You're unbelievable."

"You know I danced like that just for you, right?"

Matthew's entire body flinched and he snapped his head around to look at Gilbert. "What?"

Gilbert cringed a little because he was more than aware of how soon that happened after they had met. "At first, I wasn't thinking about putting on a show just for you. Yes, I was showing off a bit but I hadn't thought about seriously seducing you or anything like that. Then I met that woman, Alex, and she made it clear that her suggestion would benefit us both. I denied that there was anything between us, that we were just friends. I guess she saw something I didn't and… you know the rest."

"You…danced like that. For me." Matthew seemed to have a hard time comprehending.

"If you're going crazy, just grab me and take me.

I'd follow you down, down, down.

Anywhere, anywhere…"

"In the end, yeah, I did."

Gilbert was close enough to actually watch Matthew's pupils expand, much larger then than even this lighting required. His lips were parted as he turned back towards the stage.

A movement just beyond Matthew made Gilbert's eyes shift its focus, only to see a couple kissing each other intensely. Now, they were in a darkened room, but it wasn't the right place for that much groping.

Gilbert's eyes immediately sought out others like them. There weren't many, not enough to draw the attention of a manager, but there were several couples—no, no, that's one was a group—that were acting like they were behind closed doors. Gilbert was all for putting on a show but this was uncomfortable and unnerving. Shit, he thought.

To confirm his theory, Gilbert released Matthew's hand to trace the veins in his wrist. All Matthew did was shoot him a glare, the effect slightly lost because he licked his lips at the same time. But Gilbert had been listening and swore he heard someone cry out a little behind him. He stopped touching Matthew completely, even moved his chair away a little. Matthew frowned at him and Gilbert said, "Look around."

Matthew did and frowned a little. When he understood, his eyes widened and sounded horrified when he said, "Oh, my God."

Almost all of those affected by Matthew's emotions slowed down and their behavior went from soft-core porn to PG-13. Some even stopped all together and smiled shyly at their partner like they didn't know where that had come from. No one looked upset as far as Gilbert could tell except Matthew. He looked devastated and embarrassed. Gilbert motioned their server over and asked to close out their tab. He reached over and started to rub Matthew's back in soothing circles. Matthew tensed at the contact and Gilbert stopped. He started to pull away again when Matthew moved closer and hugged him.

"…You're screwed up and brilliant,

You look like a million dollar man.

So why is my heart broke?"

The vocalist let the last cord die before smiling at the applause and said, "Thank you all. I really felt like everyone enjoyed the song, just from the energy in the room. We are going to take a short break before we do one last set for the evening. In the meantime, please enjoy the music provided by DJ Short."

Matthew was doing his best to keep his composure, but it took everything he had to take his card back from their server, calculate a tip, sign the bill, and hand it back. He stood as soon as it was out of his hand and Gilbert followed looking concerned. Gilbert offered his hand and he took it, grateful for the support. Matthew led them out into the parking lot at a fast pace, needing to get out of there as soon as possible. It occurred to him that he would have left at the same pace earlier, but for a much different reason. It was that thought that made him start shaking.

They got as far as the car when Gilbert stopped them and pulled Matthew into a tight hug. Matthew wanted to pull away and reject the comfort because he so didn't deserve it. But he also felt like he was falling apart and Gilbert was the only thing keeping him together. He compromised and didn't hug him back at first.

Then Gilbert said, "What can I do to help?"

Matthew hugged him then because it was exactly the right question and Gilbert had known to ask it. He clearly wasn't okay and him asking would have just made Matthew angry. But he asked how he could help so Matthew held him tight and shook his head because there was nothing to be done.

Matthew didn't know why he hadn't thought it was okay for him to go out. Yes, nothing had happened the night before but he had gone out with the specific purpose of making their date a form of foreplay tonight. He should have known that anything he was feeling would affect the other people. He had worked to control himself, sure, but he still should have known it wouldn't be enough. This was so much worse than before for so many reasons.

Matthew not only should have known that his emotions would affect the crowd but also how the nature of his emotions mattered. By infecting the humans with his desire he de facto took away their right to consent and that was something so disturbing that he shuddered and felt his eyes begin to burn from unshed tears. He began to feel nauseous because oh, my God just didn't cover it. He not only took away their right to consent but also may have just left someone prey to sexual assault. He had no way of knowing that all those people wanted to be sexually involved with their companions.

Gilbert kissed the top of his head and said softly, "Talk to me, Schätzchen. Tell me what you're thinking."

"I'm a date-rape drug, Gil. I took away everyone's right to consent because they were under the influence of my emotions. I thought I was controlling myself but I should have known, Gil. I should have known. This is all my fault." Matthew was crying by the end, face hidden against Gilbert's jacket.

Gilbert held him closer and said, "No, Liebling, it wasn't. We don't know how the whole thing works, remember? You were controlling yourself very well. I didn't know you were that effected until I looked at other people." Matthew let out a sob and Gilbert moved on quickly. "But last time you were very outwardly emotional. You, of all people, were yelling. You couldn't have known it was based on internal emotion rather than outward expression. Want to know something else?"

Matthew replied wetly but quiet, "What?"

"I looked around the room longer than you did. And you know what I noticed? I saw that only relatively few people out of that entire room were affected enough to act on it. I know your desire was only for something consensual, so maybe that translated to other people."

Matthew felt himself calm down as he listened to Gilbert and he stopped crying. He was deeply embarrassed but thankful that Gilbert was still talking. "But we don't know that."

"Birdie, no one knows, that's why we're doing a presentation on it. But isn't it plausible that the exact nature of your emotions are what transfer? People at the hockey game became increasingly angry but there were no fights that broke out in the stands. They were all upset about hockey. In my experience, I have found that if that much anger is in a room, it spills over to other things. But it didn't there."

Matthew rubbed at his face enough to clear it and pulled away a little to look the short distance up to Gilbert. "But if they were that in tune with my emotions, why didn't they all want you?" Matthew blushed a bit but didn't look away or take the question back.

Gilbert cupped his face and wiped away some of the tears he had missed. "You only want consensual sex and I only want you."

Holy shit, Matthew thought. If I wasn't already in love with you, that would have done it. It isn't possible to fall more in love, right? God, I hope not. What he said was, "Oh. Right."

Matthew didn't know what expression he was wearing but it made Gilbert smile a little and kiss him softly. Matthew was sure he looked a mess, so he didn't understand the gesture but he didn't complain either.

Gilbert drove them back to Matthew's house, a place he had to stop himself from referring to as home. His true home was long gone, destroyed well over a century ago and his brother's house was what passed for it today. At least that was on land that was previously his. The house was very much Matthew's home, yet Gilbert deep down still wanted to claim it as his, too.

Matthew was sitting beside him holding one of his hands as he gave directions. He had taken up on Gilbert's offer to drive them back once he had calmed. They had been talking briefly about how tonight changed how they were going to structure the information only to fall to thoughtful silence. Not even the radio was on, and that was okay. A lot had been said and seen during their night. They didn't need to talk now.

Gilbert was preoccupied with two things: concern and lust. He was still worried about Matthew because his fears were not unreasonable at all. While the explanations Gilbert had come up with were logical, he very much so doubted that Matthew wasn't going to go back to his original thought. The problem was that nothing was really known, except for the fact that Nations' emotions effect their citizens with proximity. There was a big question mark over the entire issue and Gilbert knew how much Matthew cared about respect and people in general. There was no way he was going to leave this alone in his head.

As for his lust, Gilbert was mostly annoyed it was still hanging around. This was so not the time. Yet he couldn't ignore how much Matthew must want him for the people around him to be so affected and that made him want Matthew all the more. Not to mention all the things they had said to each other or that, until about a half an hour ago, Gilbert had been steadily planning exactly what he was going to do to Matthew when they got back. But that was not going to happen now and Gilbert was more than fine with that so if those thoughts could just fuck off that would be great, thanks.

His relationship with Matthew was about more than sex and he wouldn't do a damn thing to change that. He wasn't going to push him into doing something he wasn't ready for and he would rather make sure Matthew was happy than have sex. Even really spectacular sex. Gilbert was increasingly invested in their relationship emotionally and he was trying his hardest not to fuck this up. He was Matthew's first boyfriend; he had to make sure Matthew didn't regret dating him.

Gilbert was still floored by that fact. Clearly the rest of the world was blind and he was the luckiest bastard in the whole world. Gilbert certainly didn't have any good karma floating around in the universe so he was kind of waiting for some higher power to show up and say, sorry, there was a mix up and Matthew wasn't meant for you.

Gilbert pulled up to the house and parked. Matthew let go of his hand and opened the door to find two polar bears waiting for him. Gilbert was similarly greeted by Gilbird and just seeing the little puff of yellow made him feel better.

"Hey, Gilbird. Missed you, too, buddy."

Gilbird chirped at him and settled into his hair just long enough to make it a complete mess before zooming off to places unknown. By the time Gilbert made it into the house, Matthew was already there with Maple in his arms sleeping and Kumajiro wandering off to do his own thing. Matthew turned at the sound of the door closing and then tried very hard not to laugh at Gilbert's hair.

"Gilbird was there just long enough to mess it up. Do I even want to see what I look like right now?"

"Probably not," Matthew said as he turned to put Maple in her bed (though she often ignores it and falls asleep anywhere). "It doesn't look bad. Just less date night and more happy hour."

"Oh, well as long as it doesn't look awful…" Gilbert smiled.

Matthew smiled and walked over to him. "It would take a lot more than a messy hairdo to make you unattractive, Gil."

"I aim to please." Gilbert kissed him lightly before saying. "I had a great time tonight. I'm sorry it went sour but now at least we know what to look for."

"Me too." Matthew's smile faded to something sad for a second before he looked at the ground like he was…shy. Gilbert was a little confused because he thought on some level that Matthew wouldn't feel the need to be shy around him anymore after tonight. He guessed it really did just depend on the topic. "Gil, I…I really don't feel up to sex tonight."

"I figured you wouldn't and that's more than fine. I don't want you to feel like you have to do anything with me that makes you uncomfortable, okay? You're not the only one who only does consensual sex."

"Thanks. But I-I would really like it if you still slept with me, if you wanted to." Matthew was biting his lip and still not looking at Gilbert.

Oh. "I would like that, too."

Matthew looked up in surprise and smiled wide at him. "Really?"

"Of course, Schätzchen. Like I would turn down something that lets me stay close to you."

They got ready for bed separately and Gilbert felt a little like he was having an out of body experience. It was rare that he ever slept with someone. It was something he considered very intimate and he had only slept next to a handful of people voluntarily. Matthew didn't know that but Gilbert did and still he had agreed without hesitation. A stray thought occurred: I never would have done that for Specs.

It was enough to make him freeze halfway through raising his arms up to put on a shirt he was using for pajamas because it was true, almost glaringly obvious in fact. What he felt for Matthew was nothing like what he had felt for Roderich. That was hopeless longing and what boiled down to a sense of duty, which Gilbert could now admit to himself was messed up. This was easy but hard at the same time and worrying all at once because Matthew was starting to mean more to him than nearly any other person in his life after just a few weeks. That was terrifying but he wanted more and he never wanted it to stop. This felt like belonging. Just being around Matthew made Gilbert warm and touching him burned but in the best way possible, like if the flames were to consume him it would be the best way to go. It felt like—

No!

Yes.

It felt like maybe Gilbert should talk to someone like his brother before he thought any harder about this.

Gilbert finished getting ready for bed quickly after that, trying desperately to outrun the thought he almost let form. He knocked on Matthew's bedroom door and heard a soft come in. He opened to the door to find Matthew dressed like he was, in boxers and a T-shirt, though their colors differed (black on black for Gilbert and blue and white for Matthew). He was pulling back the blankets but turned a little to greet Gilbert with a shy but happy smile in greeting.

"Hey, Gil. Could you hit the lights while you're by the door?"

"Sure." Gilbert searched the wall for the switch and flicked it down. The moment the lights out, Gilbert got a sense of nerves. He fought them off as he walked around to the other side of the bed, only stubbing his toe once in the dark. He slid under the covers then stared up at the ceiling for a minute. Then he got over himself because Matthew had asked him to be here and said, "I can't see yet but I would really like it if you were closer."

He heard Matthew sigh and they moved towards each other. Matthew sat up a little and leaned down to kiss him. It was a good, slow kiss and Gilbert used a hand to brush Matthew's hair away. Gilbert felt Matthew's smile as he pulled away and said, "Goodnight, angel."

Gilbert felt Matthew lay down and turn away from him. He moved closer and put an am over his side to pull them closer. It wasn't quite spooning because Gilbert still needed to breathe and Matthew's hair would have made that an issue and he was keeping his hips well away from Matthew out of courtesy, but it was close. Gilbert leaned up to kiss the side of Matthew's neck and said, "Goodnight, Liebling."

He laid back down and started to go to sleep, content, when he heard Matthew ask a few minutes later, "What do those words mean, Gil? The ones you call me, I mean."

"Schätzchen means 'little treasure.'"

"I'm not exactly little, Gil."

"I know, Birdie, but think of it kind of as a substitute for calling you 'baby' in English. I could call you the equivalent of 'little mouse' if you prefer. That is a common enough endearment in German."

"No, no. 'Little treasure' is just fine. What about the other one?"

Gilbert hesitated then said, "Liebling means 'darling.'"

"Oh, okay. 'Night."

"'Night, little treasure."

"Gil!"

They both laughed and settled for the night, leaving Gilbert off the hook for explaining the other translation of Liebling. Outright telling Matthew that it meant "beloved" made everything a little too real. He fell asleep with his boyfriend in his arms and a smile on his face. That was good enough for him.

A/N:

The line from the "Flesh" I had in mind was I don't play around that often. When I do, I'm a freak. Of course, a lot of other parts also applied to Matthew (and Gilbert) but this is what I was thinking of at the moment.

"Falling's just like flying except there's a more permanent destination." – Jim Moriarty

Thanks to Masterliful, as always.

darkhuntress13

Songs: "Halo" by Beyoncé and "Ready for Love" by Bad Company

P.S. Happy early birthday to toxic-wolf-heart! I'm starting a full time job tomorrow and don't know if I'll be able to get the next chapter out by then. Anyone's free to send me their birthday if it's coming up, too.

(Edit 10/22/15: Okay, so I promised about two months ago to explain Matthew's sexuality in the chapter that he talked about wanted to go out with Cuba but also said he really didn't feel attracted to people. As it just so happens to be Asexual Awareness week, I wanted to state explicitly that I ended up writhing Matthew as someone who is Grey-Ace, homoromantic, meaning that he is very rarely sexually attracted to anyone (men, in his case) and is romantically attracted to men. He is obviously attracted to Gilbert, so much so that he doesn't really know how to deal with it. Hope that cleared up any confusion if there was any.)