Right: so my brain is a strange and mysterious place - I think that has already been established. Anyway, I kept thinking that living with Thomas and Panda was bound to have pitfalls for Emily. I hope you like the result of that thought. Sometimes, I wonder what stuff like this is doing in my brain to begin with!
This chapter goes out to girlno4282 who, for reasons that escape me, seems to find me interesting. No, I don't understand it either.
Hope you enjoy! Myrtle.
Chapter Twenty Six
Emily
I'm an idiot. I must be. A fucking stupid idiot. Either that or a glutton for punishment. Why else had I agreed to go out with Naomi? After everything she's done, why the hell am I still giving her another chance to fuck me over again? God, I really have to learn some self control around that girl. I should have just walked away from the whole sorry mess. Instead I find myself walking towards her, every single time. I shouldn't have gone round to see her today. I definitely shouldn't have kissed her, but like I said, no self control. I'm not deluding myself - I know I'm still in love with her. That's the real reason I keep going back. I want her apology to be as genuine as it sounded. I want her to really be feeling the guilt that she appears to be feeling. And I want her to be in love with me, like she finally said she is. If only I could be sure.
As I sat alone in my room in Thomas and Panda's flat, I found myself really looking forward to our date, despite my doubts. Maybe I was being stupid by giving her another chance, but I just couldn't help myself. Everything she had said, seemed so genuine. She had finally stripped away all of her excuses and her self-delusion and given me the pure, unadulterated truth. No bullshit, just honest confession. At least, that was how it had appeared. And my heart had sang with joy when she told me again that she loves me. Maybe it was just wishful thinking, but her eyes had been so full of truth when she said it. I had felt so sure that this connection between us was a two way thing, so Naomi's declaration was simply the most logical answer to all the turmoil of the last couple of weeks. I just melted when I saw the tears in her eyes. I had tried to convince myself recently that she is a cold hearted bitch, but that image contrasted so starkly with everything that had gone before. Even so, I had never in the whole of our brief acquaintance, expected to see her cry. Yes, I know that tears can be faked, but Naomi had the look of someone with nothing left to hide.
I still hadn't decided if I was keeping the camera though - it was a very expensive gift. Naomi had said again that she wanted me to keep it, no matter what happened between us. In truth, that was probably to help salve her own guilt. That didn't mean that I wasn't touched by such a thoughtful gift though. Especially when my suspicions were confirmed, and she told me that she had sold her car in order to pay for it. She had given up her most prized possession, simply to give me something that she knew I really wanted. The gesture had certainly moved me, but it was her actions in future that would decide whether or not I could trust her again. I certainly wasn't going to rush into that decision.
I glanced at the bedside clock. It was after half past eleven at night. I had spent most of the evening in my room reading. Sitting here was a lot less comfortable than in the sitting room, but I tried to give Panda and Thomas some space every now and then. I put my book down and stretched my back out. I felt thirsty so I rose from the bed and stepped out into the hallway. I heard the two of them go into their bedroom a little while ago, so I didn't care that I had nothing but a long t-shirt on to cover my modesty.
The kitchen was in darkness, but I could hear someone moving around in there. I flicked the light on, and a very startled looking Panda turned towards me, her face flushing scarlet. She looked like the proverbial rabbit caught in the headlights. She had a bottle of wine in one hand, and her other hand was fidgeting nervously with the hem of her cape. Yes, that's right: her cape. Because Panda was dressed in the boots, mini-skirt and cape of Supergirl. She had the whole costume, right down to the tight-fitting top emblazoned with an 'S', straining across her ample cleavage. My mouth dropped open in surprise as I took in the sight in front of me.
"I was er... just getting this" said Panda, waving the bottle of wine in unnecessary explanation. I closed my mouth, but couldn't stop it from forming into a smirk. Panda cleared her throat uncertainly. "We're er... hmm. We're just off to a fancy dress party..."
"At nearly midnight?" I bit my lip in an effort to contain my giggles. I failed dismally. Realising that she couldn't talk her way out of this, Panda joined in with my giggling.
"We've got dressed up for each other" she admitted. "We told each other our secret fantasy, and we had to dress up for each other like that!"
"So Thomas has a thing for Supergirl?" I asked in surprise. Panda nodded.
"Yeah, he has all the comics. I think it's something to do with the boots." She turned one foot on pointe. I glanced down at her knee high, bright red boots.
"Yeah, the boots look great" I said with a nod. If it was possible, Panda blushed even more.
"Oh. Right." I watched her frown in confusion. "Em, you know I like you but..."
Oh, for fucks sake!
"Panda, relax" I told her. "I didn't mean that I fancy you!" She breathed out a sigh of relief. I was about to say something more, but just then another voice joined us in the kitchen.
"Panda, are you coming back to..." Thomas' sentence ended abruptly as he realised it wasn't just Panda in the room. I turned around to face him but as soon as I did so, he darted from the room. I just had chance to take in his hat, sensible shoes and notepad.
"Panda... is Thomas dressed as a traffic warden?" I asked, raising an eyebrow and looking back over my shoulder at her.
"Um, yeah" said Panda with a sheepish grin. I shook my head in disbelief. I really didn't need to know why Panda had a thing for traffic wardens. I grabbed myself a drink of water and hastily returned to my room, praying that I would fall asleep quickly tonight. The last thing I needed was to lie awake listening to the sounds echoing through the wall, of Supergirl getting a parking ticket.
Things were pretty quiet in the flat the next day. I felt sure that we had each of us cycled through our options on how to deal with our night's misadventure, and ultimately settled on the same choice: denial. Not a word was uttered between us about what I had seen in the kitchen. It was as if an unspoken agreement had been reached to never acknowledge that anything had happened. Instead, we all spoke to each other with an over-the-top politeness that had never been present before.
I was just finishing off getting ready for my date, when I heard a knock at the door. I prayed it wasn't Naomi just yet. She had texted me asking me to be ready for 6.30 - which seemed a little early for a dinner date - but I still had twenty minutes to go. I had been in a panic for the last hour trying to decide what to wear. I had twice gone through the limited selection of clothes that I had brought from home, before deciding on a 'smart/casual' look of some vaguely dressy jeans with a simple black blouse. I left off from applying my make-up when I heard Katie's dulcet tones issuing from the sitting room, talking to Panda and Thomas. I walked through to join them.
"Hi, Kay. You alright?" I asked. Katie seemed very agitated.
"I'm fine, except for getting a fucking ticket today! I know I was in a disabled parking bay, but it was a fucking emergency! River Island had the most gorgeous shoes on sale, I just had to have them. Fucking traffic warden." Involuntarily, my eyes met those of Thomas, before hastily looking away again. He shuffled awkwardly, before sitting down on the sofa, his eyes trained on the floor. If Katie picked up on the uncomfortable atmosphere, she chose to ignore it. Her irritation seemed behind her now. "Anyway, I wondered if you fancied going out tonight? We could go to the cinema." I frowned, wondering how best to handle this. Panda didn't give me a chance.
"Emily's got a date tonight" she announced. I braced myself for Katie's reaction.
"With who?" She asked suspiciously. Her whole demeanour changed as the only logical answer presented itself to her. "You're not seeing that bitch again, are you?" She demanded. Her voice was harsh, full of venom. "You can't honestly believe that load of fucking tosh she gave you the other night, can you?" I sighed softly to myself. I knew Katie would be dead against me seeing Naomi again, but I had hoped to avoid her finding out until I was more sure of how things stood.
"I think she's really sorry for what happened. She wants to make it up to me."
"She wants to make a fool of you again" snapped Katie. "How can you even go near her again? Just keep the camera, and tell the bitch to fuck off." I shook my head at her.
"I can't. Katie, I still love her - that doesn't just go away because she hurt me. I really want to believe that she's sorry. I know I might get hurt again, but I can't just walk away from her." I was desperate for Katie to back down, but I knew that wasn't going to happen easily.
"Emily, you will get hurt again! It's just another game to her." I shook my head again, but I wasn't sure what to say. I had enough doubts of my own, how was I to placate Katie's doubts? I decided on a different tactic.
"I can't believe you punched her!" I said, trying to make her feel guilty. To my surprise, Katie started giggling.
"You should have seen her!" She stammered out. "I hardly touched her, but she fell straight to the ground!"
"Katie!" I snapped, silencing her laughter immediately. "This is my decision. I am going out with Naomi, and you're going to leave her alone. Okay?" I spoke firmly, wanting Katie to realise that my mind was made up. She must have recognised that there was nothing more she could say, because she nodded tritely. She hates to let anyone else have the last word though, so she continued muttering under her breath about what an idiot I was. I ignored her and walked back into my room to finish my make-up.
There was another knock at the door, and this time I knew it must be Naomi. Fantastic: Naomi and Katie in the same room together. Not a situation to show either of them in their best light. I was pleased that I had not shut the bedroom door behind me - I could keep an ear out to make sure Katie behaved herself. I could hear Panda telling Naomi that I was just getting ready, so I shouted through that I would be there soon. Katie's harsh tone carried through to me.
"So. Are you galactically stupid, or are you hoping for another punch in the face?" She asked Naomi. There was a pause, in which I assumed Naomi was trying to decide on her best way to answer.
"The first one" she said at last.
"What?" Sharpness from Katie, clearly thinking that Naomi was taking the piss.
"I mean I was stupid" Naomi explained swiftly. "What I did was stupid, and I'm trying to make up for it." I smiled softly to myself at her answer. Katie mustn't have had a reply for her, as she just spluttered into silence. With a last glance in the mirror, I decided I was ready and had better intervene anyway. I walked back into the sitting room, where a very nervous looking Naomi was being glared at by Katie.
"Glad to see everyone's getting along" I said lightly, trying to ignore the tension in the room. Naomi had also dressed casually. She looked beautiful in skinny black jeans and a pretty vest top. She smiled when she saw me.
"You look great Em. Shall we go?" Clearly she didn't want to hang around Katie for any longer than necessary, and I could hardly blame her for that.
A short but quiet taxi ride later, and Naomi and I were walking along the Quayside. There were plenty of restaurants in that part of town, so I kept expecting her to lead me into one of them. Instead, she came to a halt outside of the art gallery. It was a huge, converted warehouse, and was regularly home to an array of touring exhibits of contemporary art. I looked questioningly at Naomi.
"There's a photography exhibit on" she explained. "They're open 'til eight, so I thought we could have a look before we go for something to eat." She shrugged uncertainly. "Just if you want to."
I smiled broadly at her. I had been meaning to come down here to see the exhibit before it finished, but I hadn't got around to it so far. I told her that I thought it was a great idea. She smiled back at me and led the way into the exhibition.
The air between us felt strained as we wandered around the gallery. So far we had exchanged nothing beyond the usual pleasantries. From the corner of my eye, I noticed that Naomi kept glancing across at me, as if checking that I was okay. Whenever I looked at her, her eyes darted away. She seemed nervous. I watched for a moment as she fiddled anxiously with the strap of her handbag. This was a new side to her. She had always seemed so sure of herself before now. I decided it was time to break through this. I stilled Naomi's fidgeting hand with my own, which drew her eyes up to meet mine.
"Naomi, why are you acting so nervously?" I asked. She let out a slow breath.
"Because I don't want to fuck this up" she admitted. "I hurt you so much, and I just want to make things better, but I've never been on a date before, and I'm not sure how I'm supposed to act, or what to say or..." I waited until her rambling fell into silence, before smiling at her.
"Just be you, okay? I'm here because I want to get to know you - the real you. Just relax." Naomi smiled back at me and nodded. She seemed a little more at ease after that. She stopped fiddling with her bag, but kept my hand in hers. Her posture seemed to visibly relax. After a moment or two, I decided to tease her about what she had said. I arched an eyebrow at her. "So, seriously... you've never been on a date?" She looked guiltily back at me.
"Er, no" she said with a small shrug. "I've never wanted to until now."
"What's changed?" I had her on the hook here, and every intention of letting her squirm.
"You" she answered firmly. "You changed everything. I didn't think I wanted anybody else until I met you. I thought I would never fall in love, but..." She smiled softly at me. "...you didn't give me a chance."
I returned her smile. If this was the real Naomi, then I liked it.
After the gallery, Naomi led us on a short walk to a little Italian restaurant. It looked perfect - intimate and candle-lit. It avoided all of the usual clichés of Italian flags draped everywhere, and checked table cloths. Instead it had the feel of a really genuine family-run restaurant.
"Have you been here before?" I asked. Naomi shook her head.
"No, I asked Malcolm to recommend somewhere. He's always entertaining clients and stuff, so he knows most of the best places."
Dinner passed by very quickly. The food was great, but the company was better. After our initial awkwardness, the conversation flowed much more freely. Admittedly, there were a number of topics that we avoided. I had so many things that I wanted to ask her about what had happened between us, but a little restaurant was hardly the place to do that. They would have to wait for another day. Also, Naomi didn't seem to be aware that my photography course would take me away from Bristol. I didn't deliberately mislead her, but I didn't set her straight about it either. I wanted to keep it to myself until I knew how things were progressing.
After our main meal had been cleared away, a waiter appeared at our table to ask if we wanted to see the dessert menu. I opened my mouth to say yes, but Naomi beat me to it.
"No, just the bill please" she told him. I frowned. Was Naomi getting cheap on me? Because coming between me and a pudding was not the way to get in my good books. She caught my frown and winked at me. "Don't worry, we're going somewhere else." Naomi paid the bill and in no time at all we were sat in a taxi. Naomi gave an address on the other side of town.
We were driven down an unfamiliar part of town. The taxi turned down what seemed to be a little back-street. Once there, we alighted outside of a restaurant that I had never seen before. Naomi paid the driver, before taking my hand and leading me inside. It was quite dark inside, and looked more like a seedy gentleman's club than a place to eat. Naomi led us over to a small leather sofa and we sat down. I looked uncertainly around at our surroundings. Naomi grinned at me.
"Yeah, they really need to rethink the decor, but trust me, the food here is great." She grabbed a couple of menus from the small table in front of us and handed me one. I opened it, noticing that Naomi didn't open hers. She was watching me to see my reaction. I glanced at the contents. Row upon row of desserts. The whole menu was made up of nothing but drinks and puddings. "This is a dessert restaurant" she told me. "That's pretty much all they sell, and they're fantastic." I grinned broadly at her before returning my attention to the menu. This was going to take careful deliberation.
In the end I couldn't choose between strawberry pancakes, or sticky toffee pudding. Naomi ordered both and said we could share them. We also ordered a cocktail each. When they arrived, we both tucked straight away into the desserts, forgetting our drinks for the moment. The pancakes were filled with fresh strawberries and topped with cream and chopped nuts. The toffee pudding was light and moist, and absolutely drowning in toffee sauce and thick, sweet custard. Both tasted absolutely divine. We savoured every mouthful, feeding spoonfuls of them to each other, and arguing playfully over who should get the last bite.
When the two plates looked almost clean enough to be put away, we sank back into the sofa to enjoy our drinks. I felt fit to burst. I had made an absolute pig of myself I was sure, but I didn't care. I smiled across at Naomi.
"Well for a first ever date, you've done a pretty good job" I told her. She beamed at me.
"Does this mean I get a second one?"
I made a big show of mulling that over, but Naomi could see I was just kidding around.
"Yes, definitely. But we really need to talk. You know, about everything..." I shrugged, not best sure how to phrase it. Naomi nodded.
"Okay, so come over. I'll cook something."
"You cook?" I asked, my voice sounding more surprised than I meant it to. Naomi rolled her eyes at me.
"Yes Em, I can cook. I'm pretty good at it, actually. So, tomorrow?" Then suddenly uncertain, she added "Unless that's too soon?" I assured her that tomorrow would be fine, and arranged to be round for seven o'clock.
All too soon, our date was over and we were sat in another taxi, this time outside the place that I had recently taken to calling home. We had been holding hands for the whole journey, and I didn't really feel like letting her go. We stared at each other, both wondering if the date was going to end in a goodnight kiss. Eventually, Naomi leaned closer and pressed her lips against my cheek.
"So, tomorrow then" she murmured as she pulled away. She didn't pull too far back before I tangled my free hand in her blonde hair, and pulled her in towards my lips. Like I said, no control. As my tongue slid into her mouth, I felt Naomi's hand reach up to stroke my cheek. Her other hand was still entwined with mine. I was vaguely aware of an exclamation from the driver. I slid one eye open as I felt Naomi's hand leave my face. Without turning towards him, she flipped the driver off, not once breaking from my lips. Eventually, we pulled apart, both of us gasping for air.
"Tomorrow then" I said, giving her hand a gentle squeeze. I climbed reluctantly out of the cab, and walked towards the flat with a huge smile on my face. All things considered, I thought our date had been rather fucking wonderful.
Please let me know what you think!