Hey guys! The 1st song in this update was suggested by my friend, and I can't for the life of me remember who it was by. But either way- I don't own it. If you know, please tell me, I'll be more than happy to give them credit. Thanks! Second song is Somewhere In Between by Lifehouse.

Oh. Other topic. About the Cinny thing. I know a lot of you are starting to doubt the merder of this story, and truly it wasn't my intention. I just wanted to show that Derek wasn't living a miserable life without Meredith. Yes, he stayed with Cinny because she was pregnant, but they were together 10 years. He did love her. But they have baggage, and baggage takes time to overcome. Don't give up on them, though. Really.

Please save me, this time I cannot run
And I'll see, you when this is done
And now I, I've come to realize
That you are, the one who's left behind
I see, the light it feels good
And I'll come, back soon just like you would
It's useless, my name has made the list
And I wish, I gave you one last kiss

It'd been approximately 350 miles since she'd made her last car stop when she pulled into the slightly run down gas station. She only had about an hour left till she got home, but better safe than sorry considering the remaining stretch of road was nothing but wooded hills and long stretches of uncivilized surroundings.. Pulling up to the gas pump, the only one there, Cinny reached for her cellphone in her purse. She'd forgotten to call Derek that morning to tell him she was leaving. He probably wasn't home yet, but at least he wouldn't worry when he got home. The weekend had been nice with her mother, as nice as she'd expected, but she missed her boys so much. She missed her home. Hell, she probably even missed Mark. Maybe. She let out a small laugh as she finally grabbed the phone that had been buried in the bottom of her purse with only half battery left. No missed calls. Hmph. She smiled as she figured they were probably still fishing. Turning around towards the pump, she realized that they'd changed it since last time she'd stopped. It was now pay at the pump only. Frowning slightly at how impersonal even a small place like Anderson was becoming, she continued to rummage through her purse for her credit card. It was only for emergencies. But she didn't have much of a choice she reasoned. She refused to carry a debit card when she could just carry cash. Most places in Braxton didn't accept debit cards anyway.

Finally finding her wallet, that was mostly just consumed with various snapshots of Tommy, she pulled out the one of two pieces of plastic in it, the other being her license. Refocusing her attention on the phone in her other hand, she pressed 2 and hit send, huffing when there didn't seem to be any signal. This place really seemed to hate her today. Deciding to wait a moment before trying again, she stuck the credit card into the designated slot and waited for the machine to process it. It would be so much faster, she swears, if she could just go in and hand the guy a twenty dollar bill. But no. She has to stand there and wait for the damn thing to be authorized. She glanced towards the store angrily to find that the owner was walking out.

"Cynthia! Hi! How are you, dear?" The old man offered a friendly smile, and she quickly swallowed her anger. The old man was probably pushing 90. She returned the smile and waved in his direction. "Hey Sampson."

"How's your mother?" He always asked the same question. She swore one day that she was going to tell him that she didn't visit her mother. He probably wouldn't believe her though, so she decided to just answer the question.

"She's great. Thanks." She nodded convincingly as she returned her attention back to the bump. STILL waiting for authorization. What was going on.

"Sorry about the pump, dear. It's been acting up all week. Ronnie is suppose to come look at it. But you know Ronnie, always the procrastinator." Although Cinny could not remember who Ronnie was for the life of her, she offered an appropriate chuckle. It was better than him having to try to explain it to her anyway.


"It's alright." She smiled, glancing down at her phone that still had no service. Grr.

"Well have a good day, dear." He smiled before walking back into the store, probably to return watching some soap, she guessed.

"Bye.." She mumbled as the machine finally accepted her card, and returned it to her. "About time." She grumbled as she selected the cheapest gas, and lifted the handle from the pump.

Realizing that she hadn't opened the tank of her car yet, she cursed under her breath, setting the phone on top of the car to twist off the nozzle. Pressing it so that it clicked and would pump without her support. Once she was satisfied that she'd succeeded she grabbed the phone and smiled when she realized that she finally had signal. Hitting two once again, she sighed when she heard the ringing. "Pick up babyyy.." She whined as the third ring approached. It was times like these that she hated that their setting for the voice mail to come on was after 6 rings.

xx

I can't meet
Losing sleep over this
No I can't
And now I cannot stop pacing
Give me a few hours
I'll have this all sorted out
If my mind would just stop racing
Cause I cannot stand still
I can be this unsturdy
This cannot be happening

Derek had been pacing in the jail house all morning. Cinny was supposed to be home the day before. It was now after lunch time, and he still hadn't heard from her. It wasn't like her. She kept her cell phone on her at all times, and she usually called regularly. He'd called her mother, but was told that she'd left Sunday morning. All sorts of scenarios filtered through his mind, each one worse than the last, but as he picked up the phone halfway through the first ring, something is his stomach told him that nothing he'd thought of would compare to what he was about to hear.

The conversation was a complete blurr to him. The only parts he remembered of the first conversation, of many, were the bare basics. Explosion. Cell phone. No body found. License plate recovered. No chance of survival.

No chance of survival. As a sheriff, he knew that that meant she'd basically been cremated from the explosion. As a husband, it wasn't logical. If there was no body, she could still be out there. Lost. Alone. The thought was almost as unbearable as the original.

After several reassurances that it was no mistake, Derek hung up the phone. Only looking up from it once he heard Mark return from getting lunch, he'd refused to leave the phone. Even though he had a cell phone, something told him it would do him no good. Something bad had to of happened. He'd just been hoping it wasn't this bad.

"You okay, buddy? You look kind of pale." Mark remarked, only vaguely worried that he'd missed something huge. But Derek wasn't crying, so therefore, no matter what it was, it couldn't be that bad. Could it?

This is over my head
But underneath my feet
Cause by tomoroow morning I'll have this thing beat
And everything will be back to the way that it was
I wish that it was just that easy
Cause I'm waiting for tonight
Been waiting for tomoroow
I'm somewhere in between
What is real
Just a dream
What is real
Just a dream
What is real
Just a dream

Would you catch me if I fall out of what I fell in
Dont be surprised if I collapse down at your feet again
I don't want to run away from this
I know that I just don't need this

"Sheriff over in Anderson called.." Derek began not sure how to even process what he'd been told, much less say it out loud. But he knew that Mark wasn't one to wait for answers. If he didn't talk soon, Mark would be on the phone for as long as it took, not listening to a word he'd say.

It would have been easy for Mark to play dumb, and pretend not to know that Anderson was in the direct path of Cinny's drive home. But he had a feeling that Derek wouldn't appreciate it, so he merely swallowed the lump in his throat and sat down in once of the two chairs in front of Derek's desk. "How bad is it?" He asked, crossing his ankles, not quite \being able to be so juvenile as to believe something so small as crossing fingers would somehow alter history.

"She.. She was getting gas.." Derek barely got out before he had to cover his eyes. Already trying to discard the horrible images that were flashing through his mind, only to find that closing his eyes made it that much more vivid. He could almost feel the heat burning his skin, and it made him queasy. "I think I'm going to be sick." He quickly grabbed the trashcan that was on the side of his desk before ridding the contents of his stomach. Not that there were much considered he hadn't been able to eat from worrying. Only resulting in brutal dry heaves.

Only milliseconds passed before he felt Mark's hand on his back running quick lines in between his shoulders. The movements were entirely too fast to be comforting, but he ignored it because he knew that Mark was doing the only thing he knew how to do, besides make a joke. He was just thankful that he hadn't done that yet. He couldn't manage a laugh if he was paid to.

"It's going to be okay, Shep." Mark whispered as he finally slowed down his hand's pace once he felt the muscles in Derek's back relax, his head finally making its way back up, allowing Mark to free his hand.

"She's dead, Mark." Derek whispered, not even sure if Mark had been able to hear him. It wasn't really for Mark. It was mostly for him. He had to admit it to himself before he admitted it to anyone else, even if it was just Mark.

Cause I cannot stand still
I can be this unsturdy
This cannot be happening
Cause I'm waiting for tonight
Been waiting for tomorrow
And I'm somewhere in between
What is real
Just a dream
What is real
Just a dream
What is real
Just a dream
What is real just a dream

The silence that consumed the room proved that he'd in fact heard him anyway. The next thing he heard was a rather loud crash like sound. Derek didn't have to look over to know that Mark had sat, possibly collapsed, into his very old leather chair.

"It has to be a mistake." Mark finally declared as he pleaded helplessly with his eyes for Derek to tell him that it was all a big joke. A joke that he was surely not getting a laugh out of.

"The gas pump blew up." Derek scoffed at the idea. It was practically an urban myth. Those things didn't really happen! No one was going to believe him. He was better off lying. Except for the fact that it'd be all over the news.

"Oh my god." Mark placed his head in his hands, trying to come to terms with the news. He couldn't even fathom it.

"Cinny... Bon Bon died." Derek spoke a little louder as his eyes widened in horror. How was he going to tell their son that his mother wasn't coming home? How was he going to tell the town? Most importantly, what was he going to do.

"I.. I.. I think I need some air." Mark muttered, quickly raising from his seat and making a dash for the door.

Derek watched in complete envy at his ability to move, an ability he didn't possess. He couldn't even manage to twitch his feet, much less walk on them. So instead, he leaned over his desk, burying his head into the pillow his arms had created, and sat perfectly still. The world would have to wait.