For two weeks I trained my ass off. Two long, grueling, agonizing weeks. Each time he thought I was giving up, I surprised him and pulled some half-assed shit out and show him up. Well not really, he still kicks the holy piss out of me. Gave me a good black eye, and now I don't have very good depth perception. I'm still healing. He didn't say sorry about it, though. It was an accident, I think, but he didn't say sorry. All he did was yell at me to get back up and stop 'crying like a spanked newborn'. Charon scared me, I've been sleeping with one eye open lately. He hasn't been sleeping in the same bed as me, either. He stays near the fire, he hardly even looks at me.

Now, it's just straight up anger I'm working on. I'm pissed at him for what he's doing, and I'm taking it out on everything he has to teach me. Every time he says we're going to spend the day fighting, I hit him harder than the day before. My body hurts every fuckin' morning, but fuck it feels good. Except, one night he came up to me with a gun to the back of my head. I freaked out until what he was teaching me ran through my head and I got the gun away.

"You may rest for the rest of our time here."

Thank the fuckin' soul. He's been having me do laps with the stupid rock all fucking day and I was getting sick of that. Throwing my pack down, I pulled out a bottle of Purified Water and gulped it down like I was going to die. Out of my good eye, I watched Charon. The sun was going to set, I told you I was running all day, and he was staring off into it.

"You gonna still be an asshole to me?"

Charon didn't answer right away. He jammed his hands in his pockets, his back to me. I picked my pack up after I pushed the rock out, and slunk inside.

"Fine, be a dick."

I muttered when I passed him. There's nothing here anymore. He's acting as if…nothing mattered. Like everything and anything that happened was bullshit and didn't exist. At night, I'd wake up because I would hear him move. Every time, every night, I thought he was coming to lie with me. Hold me and make the voices stop. But he didn't. He just left, and came back before dawn. I don't know where he went and frankly I don't care to ask. If he can be a dick, I can be a bitch. It's how things work now, I guess.

Lighting a smoke, I sat down in front of the fire I made. Charon came in a few minutes later, carrying meat from a dead Molerat. He stuck it on a stick and put it over the fire. I watched him through the flames while he sat across from me, waiting for him to cut the tension.

"You must understand I did not mean to harm you."

I rolled my eyes, taking a long and well-needed drag from my cigarette.

"I have only been acting that way so you would understand the means of real combat."

"I know real combat!"

I spat at him, glaring. He looked at me. For the first time in two weeks, he looked at me.

"You do not, Dez. You have had a gun in your hands throughout the duration of your time out here. You have not witnessed combat."

"Fuck you! Just because I have a gun doesn't mean shit!"

"It makes a difference."

I felt tears in my eyes. Why did it mean so much to me that he's looking at me now? Why now does it make an impact? Does he really have that much power over me?

"You…you've been a cock this whole time! Leaving me in the middle of the night, not even coming near me unless we've been fighting! It's bullshit. If you didn't want to fuck me you should have told me."

I think I shocked him a bit with my vulgar but screw him. I took another drag out of my smoke and turned away from him.

"I did not say that."

"You acted like it."

"I acted that way so you would learn. I gave you warning, Dez."

"Not about ignoring me. Not about any of that."

"You do not need my constant affection."

I glared at him from the corner of my eye. He looked blurry, because of the water that was pooling up.

"Yes I do. You…just don't get it."

"I am sorry, Dez. I did not mean to emotionally harm you."

Emotions. What the fuck does he know about emotions?

"Whatever, Charon."

I got up and stubbed out my cigarette. I'm tired. I've been working all day, running, really. Walking over to the makeshift bed, I laid down, not bothering to take off my armor.

"You are not eating?"

"No. I'm not hungry."

I rolled on my side, away from him. I don't want to look at him now. I'm too angry and pissed. The tears come out of my eyes, and fall down my face. I don't give a shit anymore. I just want to sleep for another week and then go back to Gob. Go help him like I promised I would. Maybe then I'd feel like I'd done some good for someone in this stupid world. Fuck this world man, fuck it all.

I heard Charon put out the fire. I guess he's not hungry, either. His heavy footsteps dig into the dirt, and I notice they're coming closer to me. But I won't turn around, because then that'll show I was waiting for him, and I don't want him to think I was. The bed shifts, and I feel his hand on my side.

"I did not mean to hurt you, Dez."

"You did. And I'm not talking about my eye."

Charon pulls me, and I roll over. I look up at him, he's kneeling on the bed and he actually has an expression in his eyes. It looks like he's sad, like he's really concerned with my well-being.

"I wish to have…relations with you. I did not…enjoy the two weeks we have spent without sharing a bed."

Relations? I guess terms like 'sex' and 'kissing' or 'make out' make him feel funny. I smiled up at him, and he wiped some hair out of my face.

"You still acted like an asshole."

He nods at me, and I see he's looking at my body. I feel his hand stiffen against my waist, and I sit up. Charon has no idea what to do, but at least he knows what he wants to do. He just won't do it.

"When you haven't been training me, or any of that, what were you thinking about?"

His eyes meet mine. I smile at him, kind of, trying to reassure him of whatever it is that's wrong. He takes his hand off of my waist and starts to play with my hair. I like when he does that, I've missed when he does that.

"I have been thinking about…many things."

My Raider Throwdown Armor digs into my skin. So I take it off, unzipping, unbuckling, unclasping. Charon takes his off too, but leaves his pants on. He's always more dressed than me, all the time, somehow. That's the humor though. I'm half-naked all the time, and he is head to toe clothed. People who see us together probably don't realize that, though. He lays down with me, my head in the crook of his arm. I've really missed this. I'll admit.

"What kind of things?"

I feel him run his fingers through my hair. He sighs, and I close my eyes.

"About you."

"That's one thing."

"It is many things, Dez. You are not a simple being."

Got that right. I pushed my head into Charon's chest, squishing my face. I didn't care. I've missed him, a lot more than I'd like to admit, too.

"Thanks for showing me how to do stuff. I know better, now."

"Yes."

I reached up and kissed him. We've only kissed once or twice in this whole month, since I got back from the Citadel. Has it really been that long? It has…time doesn't seem conceivable. But right now, right now is pretty good. I don't care about anything else, really. Just that Charon and I are okay, that we're kissing and that…everything is okay right now.

I like how his ghoul lips feel. I like how his tongue feels. I like his taste and his smell and everything about him. The way he runs his hands through my hair and keeps me safe. How he can be far away, looking for something in the desert, and I still know he's going to be right beside me.

He does something totally different. I feel his hands slide from my hair. One hand rests on my cheek, and the other wanders down my side. Up and down, like he's actually going to do something. He pulls away from me, and I open my eyes.

"I have…never felt the curves a woman has."

I give him a genuine smile, the first I've had in a long time.

"It's okay, if that's what you're asking."

Charon doesn't smile, but the corners of his mouth twitch. He brings me really close and kisses me again. I feel his hand on my side, and realize he took off his gloves. I can feel his entire palm against my skin, and it gives me goose bumps. I'm expecting him to push things further, and slip a hand down my panties or up my bra, but he doesn't. He lets his hand rest on the small of my back, and pulls away again.

"I…do not feel…ready."

If Charon could blush, I bet he would be.

"Then we don't have to."

Although right now is perfect. Us getting over a rough patch, the warm cave, the nighttime. It's all set and ready, but if he doesn't want to, that's okay with me too. There's no rush. We have a week left here.

"I am unsure of what I should do still. I am worried your patience will run out."

Charon-speak: I don't know what I'm doing and I don't want you to leave me for a smoothskin guy.

"Don't worry, let's just have a good sleep, okay?"

He nods, and kisses me one last time. I roll away from him, putting my head back in the crook of his arm. He rubs my back, half-comforting, and half-feeling. His fingers trace the scar I got from the Hole, and I don't mind. It's healed now, it doesn't hurt. My Trog is almost gone, too. All that's left from that is a few dark splotches of skin, and two areas of muscles showing.

I wonder where my life would be without Charon. He's sleeping now, and I'm resting, but the thought bothers me. I don't think I would have ever gone for my father. He'd still be alive, stuck in Vault 112. It doesn't matter, though. He would have died either way. I wouldn't be where I am now without Charon. I'd be merciless, no different than those Slavers who are after me. Really, the Capital Wasteland owes everything to him. If it weren't for him and his voice of reason, his companionship, his kindness towards me, I wouldn't have done anything. I would have stayed in Megaton, drinking myself into oblivion.

I hear something outside. It sounds like muffled talking. Opening my eyes I look at the crack. Lights from outside bounce around the rocks inside, and I feel my heart thudding in my chest.

"Charon…Charon…"

I whisper, shaking him. He opens his eyes, but doesn't move. He glances at me, seeing the expression on my face.

"Stay."

He whispers and gets up. He walks over to his things, grabbing his shotgun. My heart feels like it's going to jump right into my throat its beating so fast. The lights get brighter, illuminating the room. I shield them from my eyes, and try to see Charon in the glare.

"Get outta here!"

I hear the blast of his shotgun. Its magnified in the small room and nearly deafens me. Goddamn him. The lights vanish and I see him standing at the crack, cocking his gun again.

"That'll teach you to mess with me!"

I get up from the bed and run to my things. He looks at me, his attention not where it should be.

"Dez get back!"

The second my hand touches my rifle, I hear the sound of bones cracking. Looking up, I see Charon in the floor, blood coming from his head.

"Charon! Shit!"

I forgot about my rifle. I ran over to him, grabbing his head.

"Fuck!"

He groans, his eyes rolling around in his head. His legs kick, and I hear something outside. A bright light is shone in my eyes, and I block it, looking up at a black figure.

"Move! Move!"

Their voice is muffled, softened by something. They push their way past, a green gun aimed at me. Another one steps in, and finally the lights cease. I can see them. Enclave.

"We got 'em boss!"

One of them yells. What the fuck is going on? I'm kind of disoriented, and I don't know what's up or down. Two more Enclave soldiers come in, followed by Colonel Autumn. Fuck.

"Good work men."

He takes out a Laser Pistol, and puts it between my eyes.

"His contract, where is it?"

"I…I don't…I don't know."

I stutter, my hands still clutching Charon's head.

"Search him!"

Autumn yells, and his men begin to tear at Charon.

"No! Leave him alone!"

I go to fight them, but Autumn presses his gun to the back of my head.

"We do not need you alive. It would be wise to cooperate."

My entire body freezes. The Enclave soldiers search Charon until they retrieve his contract from his pocket. I hear him moan, his arm reaching up for it. They kick his arm away, and I squeal.

"Hand it here."

Autumn takes his contract, and looks at me. He lets out a laugh, holstering his gun.

"Stand down, men. She is of no threat to us."

The Enclave men lower their weapons. I eye Charon's contract as Autumn reads it over. I can't take on all of them, they'll kill me. They'll fucking kill me.

"We're doing you a favor. You spared my life, and now I will give you the chance to spare yours, and the ghoul's."

"I wish I fucking didn't."

I spit at Autumn. I'm half-naked, sitting next to Charon in the dirt, whose pretty much useless now. Aside from the concussion, someone has his contract. Autumn lets out a chuckle, pocketing Charon's contract.

"Charon, I am your new employer. I order you to stand."

I jerk my head towards Charon. Slowly, he stands up. He looks at Autumn, as if I don't even exist. Oh Charon…the contract still owns you…why? I look at Autumn, biting my lip. I'm really scared now.

"Charon, I order you to dress."

"Yes, Master."

Charon stumbles over to his armor and buckles it back into place. Blood is coming from his head, but not as much as before. I stand up, opening and closing my fists.

"Charon, stop it. Stop it. That stupid contract is shit. It means nothing."

He ignores me, not even looking at me. I hear Autumn laugh behind me and I spin around.

"You should be lucky, girl. I'm sparing your life."

"What do you want?"

He smirks at me, pacing around my small home.

"It's simple really. I request your presence at Girdershade. A small settlement just an hour's walk South of here."

"I know where it is! There's people there!"

"Not anymore."

I glare at him. My anger thriving.

"What do you want?"

I repeat through clenched teeth.

"Arrive at Girdershade before morning, and we will inform you then. Come unarmed. Any later than sunrise, and this ghoul will pay."

I spin around to face Charon.

"Don't do this, please don't do this."

He stares at me, a robot. He's a robot again, mechanically listening.

"Men, move out! Charon, come with me now."

"Yes, Master."

I watch Charon as he follows them out. He doesn't look back, he doesn't turn around. I'm so angry, I can't react. My heart is racing in my chest, and I check the time on my Pip-Boy. It's only…it's nine. Nine at night. I hear the sound of a Vertibird and know they left. Fuck.

I hope they're shaking in their fucking Enclave Power Armor. I hope they're scared, and shitting their pants. Putting on my armor, I go through my weapons. I find a Scoped .44 Magnum, and pocket it. They said come unarmed, and I will. I am packing to never fucking come back here. I'll show up before sunrise, hell I'll show up there before they know it. I just hope whatever they want from me is plausible.

They better run. I hope they run scared. Once I get Charon's contract back they're going to be dead. Dead like all their other little friends. Dead like Eden, dead like my father. I step out into the moonlight, my pack strapped on my back, gun on my waist. I think I'm more angry at Charon. He can't disobey. He can't tear himself away from his contract, and that…that will kill us.

I'm dangerous. I have people after me. People from all around want to kill me, and with Charon's contract, it's not safe. It's not fucking safe. They use him to get to me, just like they did Gob. If they're even the same people. Probably not, the Enclave wouldn't step foot in Megaton. But now I know. Whatever people are around me, they're in danger. I bring them that danger. There's no real reason for…for anything, really. These people will do anything to get to me, and I can't risk that.

I can't risk Charon's life. After all he's done for me I can't put him in that position. Lighting myself a cigarette, I make a hard choice. Tonight I will rescue him. Whatever the Enclave wants, I'll give them. Nothing is more important to me than his safety, and they know that. If he wasn't, they wouldn't have known to take him. If we…were careful they wouldn't have known. I should have told him to wait in fucking Underworld. I never should have brought him around here.

New home. I need a new home now. I don't even know how they found me. I can see Girdershade down the hill I'm on. It's close, scary close. But I have a feeling they're just staying there for this purpose.

"I hope you all fucking die."

I mutter, walking down the hill. Charon, how can he be so stupid? He can't listen to that contract anymore. I'm going to rip it once I get it, watch. But then…what would happen to him? I don't know, nothing probably. His mind would freak out but that's about it. No one would go after him, and if they did they'd be screwed. It's safer for everyone if he lets me rip it. Fuck it I'm doing it anyways. I'll tear it to shreds right in front of him.

I come to the gates of Girdershade. There's two Enclave officers outside a nearby house, and they aim their guns at me.

"Chill out, I'm dropping my gear."

My pack falls to the ground and I take the gun from my waist. They watch me as I walk in, and I hear one of them laugh from under their helmet.

"You have something you want to say?"

I glare at his glowing green eyes, watching electricity sparking over his shoulders.

"Just wondering how much the ghoul paid you to get naked. Must have been cheap."

I want to hit him. I want to tear out his throat and feed it to the Yao Guai. But I don't. I have a lot at stake right now. I have Charon's life at stake. All I do is glare at him, and push open the door to the house. If not for me, Charon, you'd be dead. You better fucking repay me for this. People…people are shit.

Autumn stands behind a desk, and I see Charon behind him. Good, he's safe. Thank god they haven't hurt him. I almost smile at his safety, but I don't. Autumn motions to a chair in front of me, and I sit down.

"What do you want?"

He paces around, taking his sweet time. I dig my nails into the chair, holding in my anger.

"You know what amazes me? Is how a single person, a single girl, can infiltrate a military base and seal it's doom. A base of fully trained and operational soldiers, you took down single handedly. You must have some training, girl."

I say nothing, I just stare at him.

"I suppose you're wondering why I brought you here?"

I nod, baring my teeth. I've never felt so angry before.

"It seems the Brotherhood Outcasts have found a unique simulation. This simulation replays the events of Anchorage, Alaska some two-hundred years ago."

Who are the Brotherhood Outcasts?

"What does this have to do with me?"

I don't open my mouth when I talk. I move my lips, baring my teeth still.

"Upon completion of the simulation, a large stock of valuable ammunition is granted. Ammunition and armor that my remaining men need."

"You didn't answer my question."

"Problem is, it takes a unique set of technology to access the simulation. You have that technology."

I look down at my wrist. My Pip-Boy.

"My Pip-Boy will give you this shit? So you need me to do the simulation?"

Autumn shakes his head, still pacing. He's making me dizzy.

"No, no. What I need is just your Pip-Boy."

"What if I refuse?"

Autumn doesn't speak. He waves his hand and an Enclave soldier comes in. He walks over to Charon, and hits him hard in the stomach with the butt of his gun. Charon falls over, gasping for air. Autumn is smart. If he were to hit Charon, the contract wouldn't be valid. Having someone else do it does shit.

"You can't take it off short of cutting off my arm."

I tell him, holding back from running to Charon's help. It wouldn't do any good. None at all. He doesn't even know I exist right now.

"Oh on the contrary."

I hear a door to my left open. Looking over I see two Enclave solders escorting Stanley Armstrong. I haven't seen him since I left the vault. I didn't even see him when I returned to the vault. He looks sick, pale and weak.

"Why not take his Pip-Boy?"

I notice Stanley still has his on. They can use his. Why me?

"Because you have a different model. His will not work, we have tried. He told us that you are the only one with a Pip-Boy that would open the simulation to us."

I look over at Autumn, my eyes avoiding Charon.

"Stanley will take it off for you, and then you may have the ghoul's contract."

"I don't believe you."

Autumn takes out Charon's contract and places it on the desk. They bring out tools, and place them beside the contract.

"You may take it once he finishes removing the Pip-Boy."

Stupid. Fucking stupid. I'll kill every one of them before that happens. They won't get out of here alive, I promise.

"Fine. Take it."

I put my arm on the desk. Stanley is brought over a chair, and he begins his work in silence. The only thing that has kept me alive this long is my Pip-Boy. Without it, I have no map, I have no compass. It holds all my important notes, holodisks from my father, my mother's bible passage. Now I have to part with it. No. I'll get it back. I have to. I feel Stanley working, he doesn't look at me. He can't look at me. The tools slide under my skin, loosening the Pip-Boy. I feel the gears turning, moving.

I've never felt it this loose before. I've forgotten how it feels to be without this thing. It'll be short lived. I eye the contract, my right hand itching to reach for it. I want it. I want to take it, but there are armed guards all around me. There's no way I can take it and live. My eyes find Charon. He doesn't look at me, but rather through me. I don't know why I fight for him so much anymore.

A sharp hissing sound causes me to look at my arm. I feel the lack of pressure, my Pip-Boy opening up. Stanley slides it from my arm, looking at me with sad eyes. He takes it, and I lift my arm. It feels light, lighter than air. I don't like it. I don't like it at all. Autumn takes the Pip-Boy from him, and smiles.

"Very nice…"

I glare at him. Before anyone can say anything, I grab Charon's contract. I glance over at Charon, his eyes are wide, he's back. My Charon. As if I know what is about to happen, I get down on the floor, pulling Stanley with me. Charon reaches for his gun, pulling it out faster than I've ever seen before. I hear the shots go off, hear the blasts of his gun, hear the snarl in his throat. The thud of dead bodies surrounds me, and when Autumn falls, his open-eyes meet mine. My Pip-Boy falls from his grip, and rolls over to me.

Obviously he didn't think plans through. That's why his base got destroyed by a little girl. The Enclave are fucking stupid. I slide my Pip-Boy back, and instantly it reboots. It recognizes my DNA, and I feel it squeeze against my arm. It tightens and loosens, finding the perfect fit for me, just for me. I smile at it.

"I'm getting out of here!"

Stanley yells, running out the door, past the dead men on the floor. I grip Charon's contract in my right hand, my blood pumping. I hear his heavy footsteps, and he helps me from the ground. I look at him, pulling myself away.

"Dez…"

He says, but I ignore him. I hand him his contract back, anger behind my motives.

"You almost got me killed."

He looks to the ground, nodding.

"Yes. I know."

"Because you're fucking weak. You can't disobey that shit."

He doesn't say anything, but he puts the contract in his pocket.

"I need you to leave me. You need to go, and never fucking find me again."

His head snaps up. He looks into my eyes, but I won't look at him. I head towards the door, hearing him following behind me.

"Dez, I do not understand."

"What's not to get? Go! Get the fuck out of here! I never want to see you again!"

I scream at him, my voice echoing in the darkness. He looks pained, hurt. I don't care.

"If that is what you wish."

I walk over to my stuff and pick it up. He follows me to the gate, and we look at one another again. We aren't going to travel the same way, not now. I head back down to the house, making camp in the opposite one. Just for a little bit, then I'll head home, I'll head back to Megaton.

I stare at the dead Enclave soldiers, not processing anything, not feeling anything. Charon listened and left. He didn't argue, he didn't do anything. I sat down on the floor, running my fingers through my hair. I made him leave because it's dangerous. Around me, people will get hurt. Since he's been with me it's just been one thing after another, one life-threatening event after a night of peace. It's not the life I want him to see. Even Gob and Nova aren't safe with me. That's why they have to go to Underworld. They have to go there and they'll be safe there.

Unlike Megaton, Underworld won't hesitate to kill someone. They will kill if they feel threatened, and not just anyone can waltz in there. It's the safest place for them, for anyone whose around me. Charon…I can't risk his life anymore. I can't ask him to come with me when I know eventually he's going to get hurt, that someone will take him to get to me. I don't know if I can do it alone, I haven't thought about it. I just know that what I did was for his best interest. If I told him that, though, he wouldn't have listened. He would have argued, said he could handle it. But I can't handle it.

I can't handle waking up every day, knowing that the cause of his harm was because of me in a way. That kind of burden is too much. I'm meant to do this alone, live this life by myself. I don't think I'll ever find peace, and if I do it won't be for very long. It seems the only thing I can rely on now is the pain I feel, when I get shot or hurt. It's an old, familiar pain. I can depend on that to keep me going, I guess. It's the only time I ever really feel alive. Charon has to leave because he'll die out here. He'll die fighting or die because of me. I don't care what happens to me, but I care about what happens to him.

I took what I could from the dead soldiers. I stuffed more medical supplies and ammo in my pack, and strapped it on my back. By now, Charon would be a few paces away from me. I'd be able to walk and go to Megaton without having to worry about seeing him. I know if I see him I'll take back what I said. I'll take it all back and beg him to come with me. I can't, though. He has to stay away from me, for his own good. Gob and Nova…they have to stay away from me, too.

Heading out the front door, a light breeze blows against my skin. It's unusually warm for the night, but it's okay with me. Pulling up my Pip-Boy map, I notice it has a lag to it, a delay that wasn't there before. I have to head Northeast, to get to Megaton. It'll take me a bit, I'm a slow walker, and without Charon I won't feel the need to move very quickly. Looking around the desert while I walk, it suddenly all looks so sad, so depressing.

The moon is full, as usual. It doesn't hold the beauty I saw in it before, though. Now it all seems bleak, like I can see this place for what it really is for the first time. Slowly, like a time bomb, my emotions catch up with my actions. I realize that I left Charon, that I just witnessed the death of the man who killed my father, that the Enclave in fact, took me once again. It all happened so fast, I didn't have time to process it. Now I do. I can feel it all, the anger, the grief, the sadness and worry. What the hell kind of place is this?

It's hell. It's the aftermath of all our ancestors fighting a war that ultimately destroyed humanity. This isn't a happy place, no. Happiness can be found out here, but it's hard, and you have to really work for it. I see a pack of stray Brahmin in the distance, hear them calling to one another. At least the animals are nice, they can live in peace. Until someone shows up to kill them for food. I don't want to live in this place anymore.

After I help Gob and Nova, I don't know what I'll do. Maybe I'll leave this place, and look for somewhere I can live in peace. Somewhere that no one knows me, that has no idea who I am or where I come from. I'll create a new identity, a new persona. I'll give myself a new name. But…what about Charon? Would he opt to come with me if I asked? Run away into the great beyond with no direction or reason?

No. I can't ask Charon to do that. I don't even want to risk seeing him again. I can't put anyone else's life in harm's way. I can't be responsible for the death of the people who've cared about me. All I can do is help them, and say a painful goodbye, and hope they know I did it all for their best interest. I hope Charon knows that. I hope he knows I don't hate him, and that it's not his fault. That I didn't make him leave because of his contract, but because he was going to die if he stuck with me. He wouldn't have listened if I told him the truth. He would have protested. I know that much.

Looking up at the sky, I keep walking. The entire sky is full of bright, twinkling stars. When I first got here and saw all of this, I remembered that by the time we can see the light of them, it's old light. That's how far away we are from them. But it doesn't take away the fact that it's beautiful. With no lights, the sky is full and bright and twinkling. It doesn't help the ache that starts to form inside me, though. I look at the stars, and I realize how sad I am. How I know Charon is really gone, and I made him go.

If I fall down, he's not going to be here to grab my arm and pick me up. If I get stuck in battle, there's no one yelling they have my back. If I die, there's no one here who would know about it. Looking at the sky without Charon makes me want to cry. It makes me want to fall to the ground and sob like a baby. The Capital Wasteland has taken everything from me. It took my mother, my father, any chance of friends I had. It took Gob and Nova, it took Charon. No one can be with me, they're going to die. I have to protect them, though. I have to keep them safe no matter how much it hurts.

I don't know anymore. I don't know anything. I look at my compass, there's no green or red ticks. For some reason, this makes me sad. Maybe if I found something to fight, someone to talk to, I wouldn't be so sad. I'd be able to forget it all. It's easier for me to run from my pain than face it. It's easier to mask it behind a veil of murder, mayhem and blood spray, than it is to actually deal with it head on. I don't care if someone takes me now. I don't care if more Enclave or Slavers decide to follow me. It doesn't matter what happens to me anymore, as long as everyone else is safe.

If I let go, there'd be no problem. If I just let myself leave this place and never look back, no one would have a care in the world. There'd be free water, clean water, and Gob could have a family. Charon could meet a nice ghoul lady and settle down with her. Nova would be happy, too, and they'd all think of me and smile. That's what I want from it all. I want them to smile when they think of me, and remember me as someone they could talk to, someone who was good. I don't want them to remember me as…as I am now.

Leaving Charon is hard. I have to fight finding him with each step I take. But out here, it'd be near impossible. I have no idea where he could have gone, or even if he'd speak to me. You and me Charon…we could have had something. We could have…written that tragic romance. But we can't. I'm too dangerous to be around. If whomever is after me went to Gob and Nova, I can only imagine what they'd do to Charon. If he just didn't have that contract. Even then I'd have a hard time letting him come with me. It's someone they can use against me. A weakness. I can't show weakness.

The sun rose in front of my face. It's warm rays blinded me for a minute, and I wished I knew where I left my glasses. But it doesn't matter now. A few miles off, I can see Megaton. Only because it's on a hill, and I'm on a hill under a big freeway. Stopping, I light a cigarette and take in the sights. I can see the Washington Monument, it's really far away, but I can see it. I feel my body churning inside, wanting to break down and cry. But I won't do that. I refuse to do that.

I start walking and rub sweat off my forehead. My mind starts to go back to the old ways, and I force it not to. I don't want to be that person anymore. Hell I'm not sure what I want to be. I don't know anything anymore. I want to hear my dad, telling me he's proud of me. I want to hear words of wisdom and comfort. I can't hear it, I know I won't hear it. He's dead. I pass a dead Wastelander and look down. I think I've become immune to the smell of decay these bodies have, just like I've become immune to the sight of blood. It just doesn't bother me anymore. I wonder if I'll ever see Charon again. Maybe this time apart will help ease my mind, help me figure out who I am and what I want. Maybe then I can find Charon again, and we can begin something anew. Maybe. Maybe.