Dear Headmaster Dumbledore,

Here is my security report for yesterday,

6:55 A.M. – Harry Potter, Ron Weasley, and Hermione Granger were wandering around the grounds. They said they were looking for "The Marauder's Map."… I have no idea what that is…

7:30 A.M. – Minerva scolded a group of 7th years after she overheard them encouraging 1st years to "befriend the Whomping Willow."

7:35 A.M. – Hagrid was seen walking around the Forbidden Forest. He was carrying a rather large net.

8:15 A.M. – Hannah Abbot and Alicia Spinnet upset many ghost by joking that they would "call the Ghostbusters." I told them that this was a cruel joke to play on the ghosts, especially Moaning Myrtle.

8:25 A.M. – Fred and George Weasley were seen running down a corridor. No one was able to find them.

8:40 A.M. – Mr. Filch was seen holding a map and wandering around the castle. He was reportedly muttering something about his cat.

9:05 A.M. – An incident occurred during a Herbology lesson in which a student charmed a cactus to behave much like the Whomping Willow. Eighteen students were sent to the hospital wing.

9:10 A.M. – Zacharias Smith was given detention after trying to sell "tickets to get into the Chamber of Secrets."

10:00 A.M. – Cornelius Fudge arrived at the castle for his week long business trip. Several students were asked to stop harassing him.

10:15 A.M. – Mr. Potter, Mr. Weasley, and Ms. Granger were asking students where Mr. Filch was. I asked them why they were looking for Mr. Filch and they responded that he may have taken something from Harry.

10: 50 A.M. – Terry Boot reported being asked by Mr. Filch where Fred and George Weasley were.

11:05 A.M. – Severus reported large amounts of potion ingredients being stolen. They included:

-Wolfsbane

-Belladonna

-Acromantula venom

-Bloodroot

-Hemlock

-White snakeroot

-Giant hogweed

11:20 A.M. – The Weasley twins were seen being chased by Mr. Filch into the Forbidden Forest.

11:25 A.M. – Mr. Potter, Mr. Weasley, and Ms. Granger were seen running into the Forbidden Forest

11:55 A.M. – Cornelius Fudge was dragged into the lake by the Giant Squid. Several staff members were able to get him out.

12:05 P.M. - The Weasley twins were seen yelling and running through a corridor, followed by Mr. Filch who was holding some kind of map, and then Mr. Potter, Mr. Weasley, and Ms. Granger.

12:30 P.M. – Dean Thomas, Seamus Finnigan, and Neville Longbottom were asked to leave Cornelius Fudge's guest chambers.

1:45 P.M. – A fight broke out in the transfiguration room between Mr. Filch, three of the Weasley children, Harry Potter, and Hermione Granger. Mr. Filch and Fred and George Weasley were shouting at each other about something to do with a cat and the other three were demanding for Mr. Filch to return "The Marauder's Map."

2:00 P.M. – A meeting began with the minister about an issue involving wizards attempting to send photos of house elves to a muggle magazine known as the "Weekly World News."

2:05 P.M. – Colin Creevey was given detention after trying to sell photos of "Harry Potter's epic fight in the transfiguration room."

2:50 P.M. – Peeves flew in during a Hufflepuff/Slytherin Quidditch match and stole the snitch. This caused confusion as no one had realized that he had taken it. The match went on for four hours before Peeves decided to return it because no one had become enraged.

3:45 P.M. – The minister's meeting was interrupted when Sybill and the minister began arguing after Sybill predicted that he would be chased by a unicorn.

4:00 P.M. – Several students were seen being thrown into the air repeatedly by some invisible force. Four staff members watch in awe for twenty minutes before realizing that they were being mauled by Thestrals.

4:20 P.M. – Severus reported that someone had put a unicorn in his office. It is not known how the unicorn got there.

4:30 P.M. – Two students began dueling in the court yard. Severus attempted to break up the fight. He is now in the hospital wing. A spell somehow caused the goat head to grow back.

4:35 P.M. – Severus returned to his office after having the goat head removed. He discovered that the unicorn had devoured a love potion. The unicorn became rather fond of Severus.

5:00 P.M. – Some Ravenclaw students were caught eavesdropping on the minister's meeting. The students had been hiding under the table. When found, they stole the minister's hat and ran off.

5:05 P.M. – Padma Patil reported seeing Severus being chased into the Forbidden Forest by a unicorn.

5: 15 P.M. – The Ravenclaw students were caught by Minerva as they were running down a corridor on the fourth floor. They were asked to give Minister Fudge his hat back and apologize. Despite their apology, the minister was not pleased.

5:50 P.M. – Severus ran out of the Forbidden Forest screaming. About a minute later an Acromantula emerged from the forest.

6:20 P.M. – Loren Coleman showed up in the forbidden forest. He was attacked by a thestral. He seemed to think that it was a poltergeist. Silly muggle. His memory was obliviated.

6:25 P.M. - A dung bomb was set off in the great hall.

6: 40 P.M. – Loren Coleman wandered back into the Forbidden Forest. Grawp found him. He was taken to St. Mungo's and then to the nearest muggle suburb.

7:30 P.M. – A book was stolen from the restricted section in the library. It was called "Poisons and how to slip them into someone's drink."

8:00 P.M. – The minister's meeting was interrupted yet again when Lucius Malfoy came on and began implying that he wanted a job at the ministry. The minister decided that the meeting was over, walked out of the room, and scolded the 23 students that had their ears pressed to the door.

We may want to find out who took that book about poison…and the various poisonous substances that are missing from Severus's office.

-Filius Flitwick