A/N: Yeah, I know I know. No updates, I'm guilty.

Looking around, I found almost everyone crying, sobbing, or sobbing wildly. And the fact that I'm technically supposed to cry as well, but I'm not, gives me the feels that I'm looking like an idiot right now.

I don't know why I can't cry.

Sometimes I wish I could do it again. To let my emotions... burst out to someone else who could understand...

I often tried to force it, but it didn't have any effect at all. The only thing I could get is just a few lonely tears, but then again, they just often happened from the physical pain, not emotionally. But I still remember that morning, back, before I still had to babysit Yela, where I discovered my eyelids were slightly wet, and tears ran down my cheeks. Maybe it's a signal? If yes, then what's its meaning?

Maybe it's true that if you don't spill your emotions out, they'll eventually be stuck within you forever. And sometimes... that phrase gives me chills. Like...

Like right now.

"Shhh…it's okay, Tali…" I wasn't controlling my tongue at this moment, and not answering for my words as well. It feels like I already did it before, the feeling, which is always with me from the moment when my dream has fulfilled.

Tali is still silent. Simply because her voice output is still muted. Maybe because she didn't want to let anyone hear what a mess she is in right at this moment. But her body language is a dead giveaway. Her body is still shaking violently, her grip is tight on my, my hoodie is tight, and it probably hinted that she doesn't want to let go of me. Not that I want to complain about that.

Poor Tali. She doesn't deserve that. And she, for sure, doesn't have to sob so wildly for a woman who will be resurrected with in the next two year.

After the Council's speech there was a wet minute of silence. And by wet, I mean that the amount of tears, which were spilled in this minute, would be enough to refill that fountain, which we stumbled upon our entry, and it would even be enough to reactivate the geysers.

I'm joking, of course. If it weren't one, I would probably discover my legs being drowned by their tears.

After the wet minute had ended, everyone started taking their seats (except for Wrex of course). It took me some seconds to realize that taking a seat is not a taboo, and when I did, I started 'dragging' sobbing-against-me Tali and myself to the chairs.

She finally relented as I was around a few steps between the chairs and myself, while she did let go of me. Her glowing eyes became even more absent and blurred, another hint that she is the wildest sober in the Citadel Tower right now.

We took our places with the same scheme as we did in our lines, and after some fussing, almost all chairs were occupied by us.

And now… oh yeah. The speeches.

The first was Anderson. Giving some speech about how proud he is of her, seeing her raising from an Alliance recruit to the N7 operative and (again) the First Human Spectre. As touching it could be, I would chuckle or even laugh, but I did it internally, probably to not get kicked from such a sad event.

The next...it was a small competition between Garrus and (surprise) Kaidan, since they both called out to be next in unison. Kaidan passed, referring that he was going to be next after him.

Garrus talked about that it was a good experience for him, serving under the Spectre and a human; the next part about that he wouldn't trade his time on the Normandy SR-1 for anything, and the last part was about something about Alessia being so trusting and caring towards the whole crew, despite some racial differences in her ground crew.

After him, Kaidan was next. Talked about how much he cared for her; how she was one hell of a soldier; that she never gave up towards impossible tasks; he mentioned her determination and courage...and that's it. Flat one. I would give a thumbs up for Garrus if I had a chance to compare.

And so much words in past tense for me.

Most of the speeches often followed the same course as the others, but every speech had something unique. Like one was commending her for that, the other for this, and another for everything else. It quickly got me bored, making me slowly slip into my thoughts again, only pulling out when someone familiar was talking.

Next one was Liara. Saying that she owed her life to Shepard, being immeasurably thankful for saving her life back on Therum. But she somehow managed to stretch out her speech about saving her life for quite a lot of time.

Wrex was next on the line. Commending Shepard for her combat capabilities, saying that he's sure that if she challenged a krogan she would still win toe to toe. her ruthlessness towards her enemies, undying will to win and survive, and things like that.

Hmmm… one, two, three…four. Tali is supposed to be next. Assuming if she's ever go to say her speech anyway.

I glance over to my left and didn't find Tali there. I quickly scanned the place and found her already heading to the speech stand, which was just a place, where everyone had done their speeches. I wished to tell her that it's not really necessary, referring to what a mess she was still in. It went away when she un-muted her voice output and started talking.

Maybe she just wants to get it off her chest, I don't know.

And for some reasons, I actually start listening to her speech, not like with the rest.

"I don't...I don't think I had ever thought of fulfilling my Pilgrimage on a human ship, let alone a human military ship and... saving the Galaxy at the same time." Tali started off nervously, with a noticeable gulp in her throat. Her voice was a bit hoarse. She sighed, before finally continuing. "Shepard was a great Captain. She always found time to listen to her crew's concerns. She was an inspiring leader when she was fighting, but she was never cut off from those around her. She never judged those around her without knowing everything about what happened first. The time I spent getting to know her is time that I will always cherish." She stopped, taking a deep breath before continuing. "The fighting was hard. We never had a victory given to us. Alessia always told us when we were fighting, we were fighting to make the Galaxy a better place for everyone else. Even when we would get hurt, we took heart in her words of encouragement. It was hard... but I don't regret my time aboard the Normandy. It's...was good time, and I wouldn't trade it for anything else. Keelah se'lai."

Keelah se'lai, Tali.

And now I hope I didn't say it aloud. Gladly, I didn't.

With her ending, Tali quickly retired from the speech stand to her seat, just like the rest did, followed with deep silence. I would actually applaud, if it weren't a taboo at this moment.

And since now it's a moment when no one knows what to do, I while simulating a sentence in my head, poke Tali by her shoulder to get her attention. She looks better. Still very upset, but better just before she went to her speech.

"Hey, you did good." I managed to pull off without any hesitation or anything else related, while she was turning her sights to my side.

Tali nodded slowly and responded quietly, outlines in her mask signifying that she's trying to smile again. "Thanks."

And that's it. In an instant moment, the burial finished. Finished with the dissolving holographic image of the Commander, racing back into projector, and when everything is gone silent again.

And that's it.

She's gone.

I hoped I wouldn't be affected by the funeral. It…actually did, everyone's dread and sadness consumed me as well.

The Council explained that the coffin is going to be transported into the Citadel's Archives, and sealed inside of one of their vaults. Per perpetuated in our hearts forever, is what they said. And after that, everyone is free to go. Including me, guess that everyone already knows that I was brought here by Tali's insistence, as her friend.

Kaidan, Karin and Joker and anyone else from the Alliance's extras immediately went off, excusing that they must report to their brass for their next assignment, since their old one is destroyed.

Same with Wrex, saying that he must return to the Tuchanka. He didn't say why; don't need to tell me that I perfectly know why.

Liara…and she didn't say that much. She took her leave just after Council declared that everyone is free to go.

And me. I silently listened to all their conversations quite for a bit which I could, before deciding to leave as well. Without proper goodbyes, just turn around and silently go away, just as I always was doing in this kind of meet ups.

Realizing that Council is busy with itself and Tali and Garrus are still talking on their own, and neither of them have their sights on me, I finally take my start, slowly descending through the stairs towards the lift.

"Eduard!"

I halt immediately just after taking a last step, hearing Tali's voice calling me over. It's not hoarse anymore, but still was pretty upset.

I glance over my shoulder, only to find both Garrus and Tali standing there.

"Huh?" I responded quietly, eyes slightly widening.

What now? No, seriously. I want to know.

"We were…thinking," Tali started, hesitantly. "How about we go and grab some drinks? Together?"

Wh-what?

I got frozen, while my eyes went even wider, blushing intensively. At some point, there's one of the advantages having a long, messy hair.

Why…why do they do this to me?

"I…no…" I started rumbling unclearly; a wave of embarrassment didn't let me to construct the sentence right. "…I don't this…w-will w-work out…"

"Don't worry." Garrus reassured. "I see that the funeral affected you as well, you need to stress it out. All of us do." He sighed, before adding. "So why don't take a chance and go with us?"

This is not normal. You shouldn't even be here. You should've have been with Gans and Rina already.

I let out a long sigh, just to get rid of any thoughts and chunks of embarrassment. Clearly, Garrus is right. I may be in the same mess that they are, I just haven't realized and accepted that.

But now I just did that, right?

"Okay… fine…" I muttered, frowning heavily with closed eyes, ultimately failing to smile.

Be honest. You wanted this all along, right?

Heh.

"Have any ideas, Tali?"

"I have some hopes for the Flux. I remember it wasn't destroyed by the Geth."

"It certainly wasn't. Why there? I thought you are not in the mood for dancing."

"No…I just like the music – that's all."

Oh yeah, buy a drink, drink it, get invited to a dance, feel ashamed because you can't dance. Again. Yeah, great plan for a funeral feast, if you can consider this one.

Great, remind me why I'm doing this again? Oh, can't you recall? It's because your two most favorite characters in the whole video game history insisted to come with them.

Well, at least Garrus is right. I really got affected by the funeral as well. That explains my dampened cyber-scars, pretty upset tone, and overall mood. But going with someone else to blow off some steam is not my way.

With a recognizable 'doink' and sudden stop of the lift, which followed with a slight shake, I got acquainted that we're in place. As I did, I slowly walk outside after the rest, finding out that the guards are already gone. Makes sense, since the funeral is already finished.

Looking around some more, I didn't find Rina or Gans either. Okay, where are they? And how much time passed since I've into this mess?

"Why do you wiggle your head so much?" I didn't recognize the owner, since I was too focused on the other thing.

"You know why I'm doing that…" I quickly threw off an answer, not really daring to check up with the questioner.

I then look at my omni-tool, and found a notification about that there's a message in our chat room, which was sent around half of hour ago.

Rina: Listen both of you. When you are done with your important, very important event, notify us, we will be walking around not too far ahead.

And here I thought it's going to be with much worse context than it is now.

Without wasting time, I already start writing the answer.

Me: We're done.

After a few moments, Rina came up with an answer.

Rina: Are you still around that lift?

Me: Yeah.

Rina: Good, we will come back soon.

Closing my omni-tool, which followed with my quiet, tired sigh, I discovered that Tali and Garrus is still standing right next to me, waiting for me to finish.

"Hey, are you done?" Garrus asked, as I drove my sights to their side.

"Can we…wait - here for a bit? My…family will be here soon." I responded a bit tiredly.

"Of course." He nodded, his mandibles slightly raising in motion.

"Thanks."

Come on, where are they? Don't make us stand here like idiots, what could both of you have possibly found in the still reconstructing Citadel, in which around two-thrids if is still a fucking wreck!

Oh yeah, if you are supposed to stress out with them, why did you even want to bring them?

And here's again some thoughts in my head that this is bad idea. Not just with the drink thing, but overall returning to the Citadel only to have a chance to see Tali again. Which… kinda fulfilled.

We took a bench, which was near the lift, just to not get bored standing around and looking idiotic. Then I started counting the minutes before Rina and Gans would show up, while scrolling in my Omni-tool, again not to get bored.

Damn, should've brought my sketchbook with myself. I could've draw directly in my omni-tool, but it's actually even harder when you have a holographic interface instead of graphics tablet, or a pretty large smartphone with a stylus.

Even if I did, what could I draw? Debris and dirty surroundings aren't best references to me.

And after about 10 minutes or so, I start to hear a pair of foot stepping, rising in volume while they are supposedly closing to me.

"There you are!" I heard Rina's voice shouting, and I poked my head just to make sure of it. Finally.

"Sorry we've took so long, Eduard. I think I became quite fond of this station." Added Gans, as soon as they were about ten feet between us.

"Yeah, don't worry about." I sighed, meanwhile pushing myself from the bench. "Where have you been?"

"Oh, you know." Rina huffed, her changing outlines in her face-plate looked that she was smiling. "Showed our relat the Presidium, talked about things. What about you?"

"I expected it to be less dreadful." I replied, almost quietly but managed to let out a chuckle. I also heard that Tali and Garrus were closing to us.

"So… I suppose we can head home then, am I right?" Gans asked, and I couldn't understand what it was. A plead? Or just an ordinary question?

"I…" I felt a gulp in my throat, while I glanced over my left. Tali was standing there, her eyes spotted that I was looking at her. Pulling them back, the gulp dissolved. "I wanted to go somewhere…you know, stress out with them."

"Troubled?" Rina quickly asked, incurring into our chat.

I sighed, giving somewhat a sad, mixed with anxious and excited look to them both. "Well, turns out I'm in the same mess as they are."

"You're not showing that." She giggled teasingly.

"Because I don't want to."

Correct: can't.

"It's okay. Go." Gans threw off with care. "But, speaking of them, who is that turian?"

Haven't I described him that Gans would recognize him? Probably not.

"His name is Garrus." I responded. "You remember I talked about turian who helped me to catch that idiot Rawling?"

"Oh, that's him then?" Gans asked rhetorically, tilting his head to have a better look. "Can I meet him?"

"Sure." I sighed, motioning both of them to follow me.

And I hope that Tali explains him why I keep talking to a pair of quarians with the blue hexed attire.

As soon as I was closing to her and Garrus, they immediately notice me, and Gans and Rina as well. I take the initiative, by slightly increasing my pace to say my words first.

"Garrus," I started, pointing with my thumb at my family. "Meet Rina'Zita and Gans'Zita – my family." I snorted, before adding. "Rina, Gans, this is Garrus Vakarian."

This is awkward. No, really, it is.

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Zita." Garrus raised and stretched out his hand for a handshake and Gans immediately noticed the gesture and returned it back.

"As am I, Garrus." Gans happily replied, as they shook each other's hands.

"Hey." Rina said simply, raising one of her palms in friendly gesture.

"I suppose my vode wanted to join you to relax?" Gans continued by asking another question.

"Technically, we offered him to do that." Garrus responded, again leaving me a bit flattered. "And I hope he won't have to ask for your permission?" He ended up jokingly.

Gans laughed, but the laugh quickly dissolve in volume. "Oh, Ancestors, no. Just wanted to meet you face to face. And before you ask, I would love to join with you, but studying this station is already gotten into me."

"Yeah, and I'll ensure that he won't get lost." Rina said, leaving me chuckling internally, and Gans agreeing by nodding and pronouncing his agreement.

Before they retired, Rina grabbed Gans' hand and started leading him, I would notice that one of her eyes winked at me, while the other one was pretending to smile. All her actions made my eyes widened, my cheeks slightly erupting with heat.

She does know something…doesn't she?

"Have fun with them, Eddy!" She said, finally towing Gans by his hand. I would hear his complains about slowing down for a bit. "Just inform us when you're finish, alright?"

"Yeah…right." I found a strength to reply, before they're gone away from us.

I don't know whether is bad or good that they couldn't join us. But hey, let them have their own fun, okay?

"So," Tali interfered, getting into my sights. "Ready to go?"

"Yeah," I breathed, accepting my follow-up smirking at her. "Yeah, I'm ready, Tali."

"Oh, I suddenly remembered that Flux is still closed for renovations." Garrus suddenly said, as we were closing to the transit system.

I faked a gasp, cupping my hands against my mouth. "Oh no! What a shame!" I said jokingly, pretending to be shocked.

"Garrus, you could've at least said that before we got to the Zakera ward!" Tali said sounding annoyed, and I can be sure she's not faking it.

"Well, I'm not the one with the Graybox in my head." He responded, pointing with his glare to me.

I frowned, snorting, "Look, ever since the assault, I didn't go anywhere. I was either stuck in hospital patching my wounds, or either in my apartment looking after Yela. And I definitely can remember I didn't set a foot on Flux after the assault."

Garrus sighed, trying to think of solution. Tali and I were as well, but he came with an answer first.

"We can go to the Apollo's café."

"And how you can be sure it's not renovating as well?" I teased jokingly, crossing my arms.

Garrus pointed at something that was behind me.

"Advertisement." He said flatly, as I glanced over my shoulder.

Apollo's Cafe has just re-opened!

To celebrate this, we are willing to give a discount in 25% for anyone who comes to us within two days!

Disclaimer: this event is only active in Apollo's Cafe within the Presidium Region

Huh. At least I won't be in danger being dragged into the dance floor again.

Tali let out a sigh of disappoint, still reading the advert. After that, she returns our sights to us to say her opinion.

"I'm okay with that." She stated, then exclusively glaring at me. "What about you, Eduard?"

"I – well, I'm fine with it." I shrugged, after sweeping the text one more time "Let's go, then?" I added, hiding my hands into my hoodie.

"Okay then." Garrus took his initiative in leading us again by moving first. "Let's go."

I guess Garrus has a thing in leading us. Probably boosts his confidence, or just trying to shut the pain of the death of Shepard. Or just unintentionally practicing in leadership, since later he's going to make a mess in Omega.

Eh, shame that he will fail. And get his face fucked up.

It's peaceful here.

And beautiful, as much as I can call it. Despite the whole huge discount thing, there's not many people at all, not like I've expected. And I expected it to be overstocked with very hungry refugees, burning inside to get their hands on their meal. Still, there's still some folk, chit-chatting or just drinking and eating something.

"I expected a lot more people to be here." I announced my thoughts without any reasons, as soon as we were moving closer.

"Why so?" Tali asked curiously.

"Well, you know. The whole twenty-five percent discount thing." I joked, shrugging. "A good reason to make it overfilled with hungry gluttons and make us look for another place."

"Maybe those gluttons haven't come yet?" Garrus asked, as we went downstairs.

"Maybe." Tali nodded a few times. "We best hurry then."

Yeah, drinking while standing firm isn't the best idea. So we hurried for a bit, as my mind was continuously filling with thoughts if this cafe soon being overfilled. We spotted and decided to take the farthest table, which was close to the Presidium site.

"I'll go make an order." Garrus said, as soon as we were close to a bar. "What do you want?"

"You think I've got no balls to order myself?" I joked, not quite understanding his whole idea.

"No. I just don't want our place to be occupied." He explained, making rising my eyebrow. "And don't worry, I won't bring a dextro for you." He ended jokingly.

I grumbled in consideration, trying to think of what I can ask for him to order. "Well, anything spicy would be nice." I asked, shrugging.

"Got it." Garrus nodded, before taking his leave and leaving my alone.

Well, speaking of being alone, Tali already took her seat there. They probably already discussed what they would eat. You know, they could've do the same with me just to save more time.

I slowly approach the table as well, immediately getting Tali's attention to my side. I didn't say anything while I was grabbing a chair and sitting on it or after I did that. All I could hear was some forks, spoons, or knives being rubbed against dishes, or quiet ramblings, which I couldn't process.

Now that we're not in the move and actually sitting on the chairs (which are very comfy), I actually have a chance to examine Tali…well, her new suit a little bit better. My eyes keep trailing up and down at her new appearance and I can't actually believe that Rina was a designer for it.

And I must say - she does look even prettier than in her old one. And… ho…

Damn you brain.

"So…" Tali initiated, as some time had passed. "I wasn't going to ask…but how do I look? My new suit, I mean." She asked; suddenly, and a bit nervously, instantly made me shuddered.

If she figured out that I was non-stop staring at her, I'm going to kill myself.

I huffed, getting my mind into order and not fail in such miserable question. "You look…lo…vely…" As soon as I was moving to an adjective, my voice instantly was lowering in loudness. I hummed quietly, only to think of how I should say it properly.

"I-I mean, you look great!"

Damn you brain, times two.

"Thanks." Tali said simply, reassuring that I didn't screw up at that moment. Gladly.

I run down my hands against my hair, collecting it and folding them back. And then I realize that at least without water it won't work, as my hair returned to its natural position. With that, I let out a long sigh, mixed with upset, nervousness and a little bit of joy at the same time, lowering my head and glancing over my left hand again.

"Hey, you okay?" Tali suddenly asked, as I was clenched my left palm into a fist, making the outlines of my hand between the cloth slightly visible.

"I wanted to ask you the same." I responded, moving my sights over her again. "I…I don't know."

"Then just – yes, or no." She continued, leaving me sighing again.

…

"No."

I sigh again, getting a feel that I would cry, but I'm not able to anyway.

"And I just... hoped that it won't affect me just as it did you." I suddenly continued to confess. "Or with anyone else out there." I sighed once again, before shrugging and adding. "I guess it was pointless in hoping so."

I shut myself up after the last sentence, before my mouth starts opening by itself again.

"Maybe… maybe it was because she saved my life as well?" I thought aloud.

"She did?" She asked, almost quietly.

"In the clinic. Just after you left. Got abused as a body shield for a mercenary." I confessed, thinking if I already said that to her earlier. Not wanting to waste my time digging in my memories, I decided to ask her personally, "I did tell you about this one, right?"

She didn't respond to this one, just shook her head slightly.

Garrus hasn't returned yet, guess he's just waiting for his order to be done, or there's quite of queue. From what I can see, he's already negotiating with the barman. We share a glance once more before I finally decide to ask the same thing:

"What about you?"

"No…but, I do feel better." Tali responded, forcing a smile. "Thanks."

I forced a smile as well, but something was telling that it wasn't that much of a forced. "Good."

And Garrus decides to show up just in time I've said my response. Great timing, despite that he wasn't carrying any trays or dishes with himself, just casually walking in and taking the front seat.

"I think you should've made the order yourself." He said, pulling out the seat and sitting on it.

"And now you're saying that I'm guilty?" I tilted my head, giving Garrus a bit of an annoyed look.

"I didn't say you are." Garrus shrugged, glancing over his back for a second. "By the way, it was quite a problem choosing a meal for you."

"And what did you order?" I asked.

"I asked them to bring something spicy, just like you asked."

"And the drink?"

"And the drink as well."

"Nice."

A/N: This chapter had come through my beta-reader, Ghostboy95, and I thank him for checking out this chapter.

Thanks for reading, stay tuned for updates! And remember: feedback is most welcome and reviews are appreciated!