Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters from Twilight. They are property of Stephenie Meyer. I just like to have a little fun with them.

Chapter 26 – I Fell On It

Jumping out of the car before Edward had even had time to put it in park, I couldn't wait to get him behind closed doors and finish what we had started earlier. My thought processes were limited to what I was going to do with him once out of the public gaze and nothing else entered my consciousness. Slamming the car door behind me I could hear Edward groan at my blatant disregard for his motor but I would make it up to him later.

Halfway to the door I turned around expecting Edward to be hot on my heels but instead he was still sitting in the car fiddling with his stereo, undoubtedly removing the rock station I had added a few days ago.

"What the fuck is he doing?" I cursed under my breath, frustrated at his dawdling at such a time. There are times when arranging your music is acceptable and this was most certainly not it. Hopping between feet I tried to attract his attention by waving my hands.

"If he doesn't get a move on I'm going to have to start by myself," I thought as he caught my eye and smiled before taking his time climbing out of the driver's seat and making sure the alarm was on and all doors were locked.

"Sorry were you waiting for me?" he asked with a smirk on his face.

"Oh no, not much!" I replied, spinning on my heels and heading towards the house once more, only to trip on my own feet and see the front steps coming towards my face. Throwing my hands out in front and closing my eyes I prepared myself for the impact

"Please Lord, don't let me lose any teeth."

I prayed as my knees hit the dirt and I felt a tug at Edwards's oversized hoodie I was wearing. Opening my eyes, I could see the steps mere inches from my mouth and struggled to breathe with the fabric pulled so tight around my throat. Edward's arms wrapped around my ribs as he pulled me up and turned me around to face him.

"You really are starting to make a habit of this," he laughed, poking my nose playfully with his finger.

"What can I say? I just have a thing for heroes," I laughed, placing a soft kiss on his lips before turning around and pulling him behind me as I carefully climbed the stairs to the front door.

"Hmm heroes," I mused as I looked for my key. "Edward dressed as a fire fighter, Edward dressed as a doctor…ew, no that would make me think of Carlisle. Edward dressed as a police man…ew, no that would make me think of Charlie…much much worse! Hmm, Edward as a commando. Scrap that…just Edward going commando."

After finally finding my key, I unlocked the door and flung it open marching quickly through it still with a firm grasp on Edward and slammed it shut behind us. Spinning to face him I pressed my body against his and ran my hands down his back to his ass earning a groan from him. My hands continued their journey around his jeans until they found his belt. Making surprising quick work of the belt and zipper, I pulled his jeans and boxers down in one smooth motion taking Edward off guard causing him to audibly gasp.

"What?" I asked innocently as I eyed him up only wearing a t shirt with his pants gathered around his ankles.

"What? You just de-bagged me Isabella," he said with mock hurt as he grabbed me by the arms and spun us around so I was now pinned against the door. His lips pressed against my neck as if he was feeling my pulse that thundered just below the surface, while his hand travelled under my hoodie to find my naked breasts. "No bra Bella?" he asked in a gruff voice as he realised my state of dress.

"Nope, no underwear either," I laughed as I pulled it over my head before my hand found his cock and began its job. I felt him play with the elastic on the pair of his track pants I was wearing and yank them down my legs forcefully. Kicking my shoes off and hopping out of them, I flung them down the hallway. His hands ran up the back of my thighs and grabbed hold of my ass. I needed to be closer to him and jumped into his body wrapping my legs around his waist whilst attacking his mouth with my own.

The impact of my body against his made him lose balance slightly and stumble with his legs wrapped in his jeans, causing his back to slam against the door. Letting out a loud scream he dropped me to the floor where I landed in a heap. I looked up ready to bitch the life out of him for doing it when I saw his face contorted and red with pain.

Scrabbling to my feet I held is face to look at me. Tears were streaming down his cheeks and he looked in genuine agony. "Sorry, did you hurt your back on the door?" I asked, my voice thick with worry as I turned him around to check for damage. As he turned he fell to his knees like a rock, the wind completely knocked out of him. Lying on the floor in a foetal position I knelt next to him shaking him in panic.

"Edward! Please you've got to tell me what's wrong! Is it your back? Heart attack? What?" I screamed as my hands pawed over his body looking for evidence of injury.

"M-my ass," he whispered in a broken and strained voice.

"What about your ass?" I asked, leaning over his body to see what he was talking about. There seemed to be nothing wrong with it. His hand tentatively moved around to it as his shaking fingers disappeared between his cheeks. "Edward what the fuck is wrong?" I shouted in complete confusion as to what he was doing.

"The fucking door knob," he hissed letting his hand fall behind him and rest on the floor.

"The door knob?" I asked, still completely dumbfounded.

"Yes. The. Door. Knob!" He shouted back. Glancing between the crumpled mass of flesh on the floor and the brass fixture on the door it suddenly dawned on me what had actually happened.

"The-the-the…" I began, unsure of how to phrase the question. "The door knob went into your ass?" I asked trying to keep my voice steady and stifle the all inappropriate giggle threatening to leave my throat.

"Yeah, can you look to see what I've done?" he asked, looking up at me with red eyes looking terrified.

"You want me to look in your ass?" I replied hoping I'd heard him wrong. As close as he was to me there surely had to be a line drawn somewhere and this was most probably it.

"Please Bella," he pleaded. "It really fucking hurts and I'm worried."

There was no way I could refuse him. After all he could be seriously injured. "I hope you wiped yourself properly last time you took a dump," I joked trying to lighten things slightly.

Shuffling around his body on my hands and knees, I positioned myself in front of his backside and tilted my head unable to see any damage. I could hear Edwards muffled pleas and I knew I just had to suck it up and get it over with and then pray that some sort of brain bleach was invented in the near future. Shuffling closer and leaning down, I slowly moved my hands and placed them gently on each cheek. Taking a deep breath, I gently spread them and bent down further to get a better look.

"Oh my God! I'm peering into my boyfriend's butt hole!"

My brain screamed as I looked carefully for any damage. Not that I'd ever given this part of his anatomy much thought, I never expected quite so much hair. Sure, he had a bit of downy fluff on his cheeks but this was like the damn Amazon. I could make out a small patch of blood as I moved away from him and sat up.

"Well?" he asked turning slightly to look at me.

"Nothing, but I think you should get checked out just in case," I replied, intentionally omitting the bit about the blood. If I told him that he would just freak out and probably do himself further injury.

"Oh God!" He groaned, letting his head fall backwards as I pulled my hoodie back on and ran to grab a pair of jeans from the laundry. Racing back to him I pulled his shoes and jeans off before helping him to his feet amidst a flurry of colourful language.

"And you said I was the clumsy one," I joked pulling the track bottoms I had on earlier up his legs thinking they'd be the most comfortable thing to wear.

"Very funny Swan," he laughed quietly and wincing as we began our way to the car.

Opening the car door I pushed the passenger seat back and looked at the seat, before running back inside shouting for Edward to just wait where he was. Rummaging around in the spare room I located my prize and proceeded to blow it up as I ran back outside to Edward who was leaning on the car with his head down. Upon hearing my approaching footsteps he lifted his head and shot me a strange look as I came towards him with an inflatable ring in my mouth.

"What the fuck is that?" he asked as I threw it on the seat and pointed for him to get in.

"It's Charlie's haemorrhoids ring," I replied nonchalantly as I climbed in the driver's side and started the ignition.

"I don't want to know," he sighed, obviously trying to keep as much weight of his ass as possible.

"Well it seemed to help him. It removes all pressure from…that area" I explained, waving my finger vaguely around his crotch to indicate his anus.

"I said I didn't want to know!" he laughed as we sped down the road to the hospital.

Pulling up in front of the Emergency Department, Edward put his hand to the side of his face in a vain attempt to avoid someone recognising him. Shaking my head I jumped out of the car and opened his door, holding my arm out to assist him. Search through the glove compartment Edward finally found his favourite pair of wayfarers and put them on, before slowly swinging his legs around and holding onto me as he climbed out of the car, wincing and groaning in pain as he tried to straighten up to walk into the building.

We managed to get in the building with difficulty. As much as I tried to support Edward I was really no use. How could I help him when he was nearly a foot taller than me? The most use came from him using my head as an elbow rest. My relief at seeing no queue for reception was short lived as I glanced towards the waiting area to see half of the Forks population there. We would be in for a long wait, but at least I had the comfortable option of sitting down. I could see Edward peering around the room over his glasses.

"Nobody gives a fuck that you're here," I whispered to him "And unless you want to tell them all that you got a door knob rammed up your ass whilst trying to fuck me I really don't think they'll care."

"Next," a middle aged buxom woman called from the counter as we made our way over. Looking us up and down, she let out a puff of air which smelt of a combination of mint and cigarettes. The fan behind her caught her hair and blew the most pungent smell of perfume towards us I have ever had invade my nostrils, causing my voice to catch in my throat.

"Name?" she asked in a monotone voice eyeing up Edward who was avoiding her gaze at all costs.

"Edward Cullen," I responded after he wouldn't speak, noticing that the receptionist was very low on patience and people skills at this very moment.

"Address?" she asked as she tapped away on the computer.

"5146 Mount View Drive," I replied causing her to look up over her thick rimmed glasses at Edward who was shuffling his feet and staring at the floor.

"Edward Cullen as is Dr Cullen's son?"

"Yes," he mumbled almost inaudibly not lifting his head.

"So how can we help you today?" Her tone had suddenly changed and she seemed interested in the most recent admission. "You know, as soon as I heard the name I wondered. You bear a striking resemblance to your father."

"Brown nosing bitch," I mumbled under my breath.

"I've had an accident and I need to see a doctor," Edward replied taking his glasses off and looking directly at the woman.

"And the nature of your accident?" she asked, raising her eyebrow and taking in the way he was standing.

"I will not divulge the nature of my accident as it is a purely clinical, not clerical matter." His voice was full of authority which caught her off guard and stopped her in her tracks. I was sure she was hoping for all the juicy details to pass onto all her old cronies during her next coffee break.

"Fine, well your father is due on shift shortly. You shouldn't have to wait long." She smiled as we took our place in the waiting room.

It felt like we'd been waiting for an eternity surrounded by people coughing and sneezing.

"Great, he'll get his ass fixed and I'll end up with the plague. I'll probably end up in an iron lung and the closest we'll ever get to nookie will be some sort of weird phone sex through glass."

I looked around at all the infected people just waiting to pass on their germs. Edward just stood next to me reading some sort of magazine about gardening. The only bush trimming I'll be advising for him in the future will be the ass, crack and sack variety.

"Edward Cullen?" A male voice called from the doorway.

"Do you want me to come in?" I asked, looking up to Edward unsure as to whether he'd want me to witness whatever they were going to do to him.

"Please," he replied, holding my hand and pulling me from my seat as we followed the male nurse to a side ward where Edward was ordered to strip and put on a hospital gown. "How do they know I need to strip? I could just have a damaged finger for all they know," he whined as I helped into the very fetching piece of hospital attire.

"At least it's open at the back and gives easy access to your butt," I joked, knotting the final tie around his back.

"Great. Well that's good to know," he sighed leaning forward and resting his forearms on the gurney.

"Edward, what's happened?" A familiar voice called from the doorway causing him to groan and rest his head on his arms. "I heard you were here from 'Jabba the Hutt' at reception."

"I had an accident," he mumbled as Carlisle walked into the room and stood next to me eyeing up his son from behind.

"What sort of accident?" Carlisle asked with concern, only to be ignored by Edward. I kept silent as I didn't know whether he would want his father to know the details. After what seemed like minutes I decided to answer for him. If he wasn't going to be mature enough to answer his father I would just do it for him.

"He fell onto the door knob and it went into…" I explained pointing to his rear end which was sticking out.

"Sweet Jesus Edward. How on earth did that happen?" Carlisle said louder than necessary with surprise but looking at me.

"We erm…we were fooling around and I pushed him against the door," I mumbled, hoping that it would be enough of an explanation.

Carlisle walked towards Edward and placed his hand on his lower back leaning forward. "Look son, I know it's not very nice or ethical but I can have a look if you like and see check for damage."

Edward simply nodded slightly.

"Well if it's not you it will just be some stranger doing it. Either way it's going to be humiliating." Edward sighed lifting his head and facing Carlisle in defeat.

"Ok, fine. Just lie down son and we'll get this sorted. I've seen your rear-end more times than I can count. Just think of who used to change your dirty diapers," Carlisle reassured calmly as he directed Edward towards the gurney and pulled on some examination gloves. There was no way I wanted to witness this father/son interaction, so I made my excuses and left the room to wait outside on one of the benches.

A short while later Edward re-emerged from the room with Carlisle. Although obviously disturbed from what had just happened, they seemed calm around each other and I just hoped that things had been somewhat resolved between them. Although I'm sure the conversation we'd avoided would happen with Carlisle in the future.

"It's nothing serious. Just a small tear and some minor bruising," Carlisle explained as we walked towards the exit. "I've injected a little local anaesthetic around the area so Edward shouldn't feel anything for the next few hours."

"Yeah you really did tear me a new one," Edward joked, putting his arm around my shoulders and pulling me tight against his body. "I just can't believe I let my father stick his lube covered finger up my ass." He shuddered as his hand travelled down to my ass and rested in the back pocket.

"You're gross," I laughed, smacking his chest and pulling away from him to join Carlisle who had gone ahead was already waiting by the car.

"Thanks Carlisle," I said taking his hand as we got outside and met him. "I'm actually really glad it was you today. God knows what he would have been like if it was some stranger doing that."

"He's my son. Simple" he replied quietly with a smile before embracing me in a tight, warm hug.

Just that small gesture of a hug was a huge break through on my part. I didn't imagine I'd feel so comfortable around him for a long time. Although it had only been a day it felt like much longer and I really missed the Cullen's and the feeling of belonging. As much as Edward was my life, he wouldn't be who he is today without his family and the same with me. I owed them so much.

As we got to the car I made a promise to myself. I would fix this family and get things back to how they used to be. No matter how stubborn or pig-headed Edward wanted to be about it.

I hopped in the car and turned the ignition as Edward got comfortable next to me. Leaning through the open window, Carlisle stretched his arm out across me towards Edward giving a manly handshake. "You two be careful and please avoid falling on anything else for tonight. Stay near something soft, say a mattress," he grinned with a knowing look on his face. I could feel my face burning as I put the car in gear and started to pull away.

"Oh and I won't tell your mother!" Carlisle shouted as he disappeared into the distance.

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