"Summer has come and passed, the innocent can never last
Wake me up when September ends" Green Day
2009 Grads and Gone
The best way I can describe graduating is anticlimactic. You spend all your time as a kid thinking about how awesome it will be when you're finally free from school and then when the last day rolls around it's huh, that's it? Used to, when I picture graduation day I thought it would be Allie, Rose, and I getting ready together and our families rushing us along. Instead Allie could barely look me in the eye when she signed my yearbook yesterday and I don't think I've even spoken to Rose this week. I've seen her around a few times. She looks skinny again. Thinking about it makes my stomach tie in knots.
Instead of my girls Alec has been blowing up my phone all morning talking about the party at Yorkies and Edward has been randomly texting me exactly how many hours and minutes we have left until our road trip begins. Every number is just a little bit smaller and it makes me just a little more excited. And scared. But mostly just excited. This day is nothing like I thought it would be. It seems like nothing ever turns out like I thought it would. But I'm learning to adapt.
"You almost ready, kiddo?" My dad is leaning in the doorway. Things are still like a fire keg ready to blow around here but today I think my dad is feeling nostalgic.
I put on one more coat of lip gloss and nod.
"I'm definitely ready," I say putting on my best smile. The only time my smile really feels real these days is when I'm with my guy. I turn to face my dad. We're both quiet for a minute and in silence I take a good look at the man who has always taken care of me. The lines on his face are more vivid and there's so much gray in his dark hair. I think I've put a lot of that there. Before I can think too much I go over and give him a hug. A real hug.
My affection catches him off guard but only for a second. He hugs me back tight.
"I'm proud of you, Bella," he says softly kissing the top of my head.
Hearing it mostly makes me feel good but a tiny voice in my brain reminds me that he wouldn't be if he really knew everything. That stupid little voice brings a wave of guilt with it and makes me let go of my dad.
"Thanks," I say shrugging back. "We should go."
-B-
The gym is chaos. Parents and kids snapping pictures and fixing gowns and bubbling with excitement. I spot Alice with her parents and I wonder where Edward is. Alice sees me looking and gives me a stilted little nod. Old habits die so hard and I'm alarmed for just a second. But then I remember that even though we're not who we used to be there's no secrets anymore. I nod back.
My Dad came dressed in full uniform so he's distracted shaking hands with the good citizens of Forks when I feel a hand wrap around my arm. I turn and I feel my heart speed up when I see green eyes. He pulls me through the door to the senior hall. Mostly hidden between banks of lockers he pushes me against the wall and lifts me so that my legs are around his waist. His hands ghosting over my thighs under my required white dress makes my blood rush.
"Do you know what I've been thinking about all day?" He whisper-growls in my ear and goose bumps spread all over my neck.
I shake my head because all my words get jumbled up. I wonder if I'll ever be able to handle full force Edward.
"I've been thinking about how good you're going to look laying naked on hotel sheets," he says pressing a kiss just below my ear.
I feel like I'm melting around him. I want to go now. Screw graduation. Screw after parties. Screw everything but us. Then a door slams causing us both to jump. With his signature smirk my guy steps back and smooths my dress down. I huff out a little sigh and give him a smile.
"I can't wait," I say softly.
"Soon," he promises and reaches out to softly stroke my cheek.
"Let's get this bullshit over with," I say nodding toward where we need to go put on the usual show.
After a ceremony that seems to go on for seven million hours I fling my graduation cap in the air with one hundred and sixty two classmates. I'm not at the top of my class or at the bottom. I'm right in the middle. It seems I've been right in the middle for forever, in the middle of my two best friends, in the middle of a secret, in the middle of my dad's crime fighting. But that stops tomorrow. Tomorrow I'll be at the top of the fucking world.
-B-
"What does one wear to a party where you'll be seeing people you kinda hope you never see again?" I pitch my voice loud enough so that Alec can hear it over my phone's speaker as I stare at my closet.
"Nothing," he says. I can hear his grin.
"You wish," I joke rolling my eyes.
"I could give a shit. However, I'm sure plenty of the other males departing Forks High would love to have that particular memory," he replies. "Am I picking you up?"
"Actually no," I tell him. "Edward is picking me up."
"Coming out, huh?" I hear just a touch of wistfulness in his voice. My heart breaks just a little for my friend.
"I guess," I say trying to downplay my bullshit. I get so wrapped up in my life sometimes I forget that someone always has it tougher. The words willfully naïve flicker through my mind. "Have you talked to your dad?"
This time my friend sighs.
"Nah. But UO has this really awesome… scene," he says. I can hear the uncertainty in his voice.
"Right on," I say encouragingly. I want the same thing for Alec I want for me. Just to get out of here. To just be able to be who we're supposed to be.
I pull out a baby pink tank with a sheer overlay and pretty beadwork. Alice helped me pick it out.
"Right on," Alec echoes. "So one last Forks High bash, huh?"
"One last bash," I agree. I dig out my favorite black ass kissing shorts. I toss them on the bed next to my phone and I hear a familiar throat clearing from my door. My dad leaning there with an arched eyebrow.
"Gotta go, Alec," I tell him and disconnect the call.
"Bash?" My dad asks.
"Graduation party at Eric Yorkie's," I tell him. I fiddle with my top, letting the slippery fabric slide through my fingers.
"I don't like those kinds of parties, Bella," he says.
"I know but it's the graduation party. The last one with all the kids I went to school with," I tell him.
"And all of those kids are going to be drinking and getting into trouble. I shouldn't have to tell you the statistics on graduation night accidents," I can hear his voice starting to rise. Great another fight. A fight just to go out on graduation night. I'm so over this shit. I don't want to fight.
"And I know every single way to not become one of those statistics, Dad."
"Ok, who's the designated driver?" he asks.
"I am," I tell him. I'm not. I plan on getting bombed. I assume Edward will get me home somehow. Or maybe I'll stay with him. I have no idea.
"Who will you be with?" I feel just a little bit like I'm being interrogated. It makes me want to scream but I stay cool.
"Pretty much every body but I'm sure I'll just hang out with my usual crowd," I tell him.
"And you haven't forgotten that curfew is midnight?" he raises an eyebrow at me in challenge. He knows that's bullshit. He wants a fight so bad. Just so he can say I can't go.
"Can we negotiate for one?" I ask. I will not let him win.
He opens his mouth to speak immediately and I expect to him to bark out a no. But then he stops.
"Be home before sun up, Bella," he tells me.
Apparently I look comically shocked because he chuckles.
"Just don't do anything stupid," he says and walks off down the hall.
-B-
When I hear Edward honk I sprint through the house yelling good bye to my Dad over my shoulder. I don't even think he had time to get out of the recliner before I'm buckled in and were cruising off to Yorkie's.
"I see were on the run from the man," the boy greets me with a smirk.
"Two thousand eight Bonnie and Clyde," I confirm.
His low chuckle gives me a shiver. The excitement, the anticipation… just everything has my nerves strung so tight that I'm feeling everything super intense. The Edward effect is almost too much. I feel a little bit like that never been kissed little kid on Rose's back deck. To remind myself how far I am away from her I reach over and scratch my nails softly down Edward's neck. I see his skin prickle and his mouth curve up in another smile but he doesn't take his eyes off the road.
"You starting something?" he asks.
"Maybe," I tease.
"Just as long as you plan on finishing," he says agreeably.
He's so cocky sexy that I kind of want to say screw the party let's just go somewhere and get naked. But I'm not a word that rhymes with mutt so I just grin and turn the radio on. Even though he can't stand R&B he just smiles when I start singing Umbrella at the top of my lungs.
-B-
"What the fuck?" Jessica's mouth is a perfect O of surprise. Her blurry eyes are on hands clasped in between Edward and me. We decided to say fuck it all and make an entrance tonight. "You two? You're together?"
The sun has barely sank and she's tanked. Even soaking in booze she's beyond shocked. I think we'll be getting that reaction quite a bit. At least for as long as were at this shin dig. We don't plan to stay long. We just want to say good byes and I want a little buzz. I look up at my guy and he's smirking. I can't help but grin.
"Yep," I tell Miss Shitfaced and we breeze past into our last high school party.
Just as I expected I see plenty of disbelief as we make a round through the crowded house. I also see a ton of dirty looks from the females in attendance. I guess quite a few girls wanted to make one last memory with Edward Cullen. I feel beyond smug.
"Well, it's about time," my oldest friend greets us with an eye-roll. Those eyes happen to be shot through with red but I smile anyway. She gives us both a little hug.
"Hey, Rosie, Em will be here later," Edward tells her.
Once upon a time that would have lit my girl up like Fourth of July fireworks but now she only shrugs.
"Cool," she says with a nod. She's fidgety and looking around.
"Are you guys…?" I ask. I don't know what's going on with her and my favorite big brother. I guess I don't really know anything about her anymore.
"We're whatever," she says with another shrug. Then something catches her eye and we're dismissed. "I'll see you guys later."
"Wow," Edward says shaking his head as she wonders off.
"Don't," I tell him, sighing. I don't want to worry about it tonight.
He nods.
"Let's get a drink, Beautiful Babydoll," he says and steers me toward the kitchen.
My second drink of punch has me just a smidge tipsy and even through I'm pretty comfy on a couch in a basement rec room, tucked up against Edward's side, I'm also kind of bored. I've lost track of how many times I've said the words "I'm going to miss you soooo much" and "we just kind of happened".
"We should leave tonight," I whisper in my guy's ear. "Make our getaway under the cover of night."
He snorts a little laugh.
"Dramatic," he says.
"I like dramatic," I reply with a pout.
"Clearly," he agrees. He's about to go on, probably tease me some more, when the absolute last person I want to see walks up.
"Yo, E, it's been a minute," I watch silently as Edward knocks his against Felix'. "Let me get at you for a minute. Take a little ride with me."
I know Edward feels my body go completely stiff and he squeezes me tight.
"Man, I'm with my girl tonight. Just doing this last party," Edward says. I grab a hand full of his shirt and sink my nails in.
"Alright, alright, just come speak for a minute then," he says nodding away from our cozy little spot. This kid looks so much older than the one I met at the rec center. He's face is pock marked and he looks haggard. Like he's thirty instead of our age.
When I feel Edward start to move away I hold on tighter.
"I'll be right back, Babydoll, I'm just going to speak for a minute," he says.
I shake my head.
"No way," I tell him. "None of that bullshit. You're fucking done with that."
"Right," he says reassuringly. "That's why I can go speak for just a minute with no problem."
"Edward-"
"Bella, I'll be right back," he tells me and tugs out of my grasp.
I grit my teeth so hard I feel like they may break. I love the headstrong and the crazy that makes him Edward Cullen but I hate it too. It kind of breaks my heart. True to his word I'm only left sipping my drink alone for a minute but when he walks back up his face is stone and I know I'm going to hate what is about to come out of his mouth.
"I gotta go out for a just a little bit, Bella," he says. His face doesn't show any kind of emotion.
"No. Fuck no. Don't even fucking think about it," I tell him jumping to my feet.
He places his hands on my shoulders and pushes down, sitting with me as I go.
"Look, this is separate from all the other shit. This is just Felix in some trouble," he tells me. "I can't let him go."
"I don't care what shit this is," I practically yell.
He takes both of my hands and holds them tight.
"Bella, look I know this freaks you out but I have to do this. Despite all this bullshit, Felix was my boy… his is my boy. Fuck I don't know. I just… I have to do this one last thing," he says. I feel tears welling up. I know Edward. When he mind is made up I can't do a fucking thing to stop him. "I'll be back by midnight, one at the absolute latest. I promise. Just chill here and I'll be back for you."
"Edward, please –"
"I promise, Babydoll," he tells me. He lets go of my hands and I wipe away the tears that overflowed.
"This is fucking bullshit," I sniffle.
"And I'll make it up to you," he assures. He stands but the bends down and places his mouth next to my ear, "I love you. Tomorrow we start the rest of our life."
I nod.
"Hurry up," I tell him because I know there's really no other choice. He nods and disappears in to the crowd.
I feel like I've been sitting there forever sipping my drink, being kind of morose, and not really getting drunk when a massive force jolts the couch sitting down beside me. I can't help but smile back when I see Em's sunny grin.
"Hey there, Babydoll, congrats on the educated," he says wrapping me in a huge hug.
"Thanks, Em," I reply.
"So, where's my darling brother? He said you guys were appearing tonight," he asks.
I roll my eyes and sigh. My Em induced smile disappears.
"That fucker Felix showed up and he had to go do one last thing," I say souly.
"That stupid fuck," Em groans. "When did he leave? You couldn't stop him?"
"A while ago. And you know how he is when he gets something in his stubborn head," I reply. "He promised he'd be back for me no later than one though."
I look at my phone. It's only eleven fifteen.
Em nods.
"I'm kicking the shit out of him when he gets back," he says.
"I'll film it. We'll go viral," I say nodding my encouragement.
"So, my girl said she'd be here," Em says glancing around.
"Yeah, we saw her earlier," I say. I finally drain the last sip from my cup. I think maybe if I'm chilling with Em and Rose I can relax enough to get my buzz on. "Wanna get a drink and hunt her down?"
After we fill up our cups we circulate. My mood begins to lift just like it always does when Emmett is around and the alcohol seems to finally be doing its job. We jive through the crowd looking for blondie but kind of chilling too. Our search is proving kind of fruitless until we run into Makenna.
"Down the hall, second door," she tells us.
I have a really bad feeling about the ratty gleam in her eyes. I start to tell Em maybe we shouldn't worry about it but he already hauling his bulk through the crowd and I have to step lively to catch up to him. By the time I'm by his side again he's tapping a quick double knock on this random bedroom door and swinging it open.
"Ro-" he name dies on his lips when he sees her.
She's on her knees with her pink mini dress pushed up over her tits. Her bra is still on but on boob is out. I don't know the guy behind her, pumping away. And I don't know the guy sitting in front of her with his jeans around his ankles and his hard on pointed at her mouth. When I do know is that the rubber strap tied around her arm and the needles on the floor in front of the bed means this is beyond fucked. I also know that the bellow of rage that just came from the huge man next to me means I need to stop staring at the fuckery and act. As I drop my drink and grab him with both hands and attempt to dig my heels into the floor the blonde at the center of this catastrophe finally notices her past exploding around her.
"Em?" she questions dreamily. The guy behind her never stops and the guy beside her looks confused.
I hear Em hiss the words mother fucker and he charges forward. I start yelling whatever comes to mind.
"Em don't!" I yell. "It's not worth it! She's not worth it!"
Thankfully my weight is slowing his progress toward the dumbasses on the bed. Also thankfully, they've stopped with the porn scene but they're so fucked up that they're just kind of sitting their mostly naked and stunned.
"Please Em!" I'm still blathering on. "Your family needs you! Think about all the shit your parents have dealt with!"
"I'll fucking kill you!" Em bellows at them. I'm not even sure who he's planning to murder.
"Em, Allie's pregnant!" I scream. "She needs you!"
Apparently that cuts through the rage fog and Emmett still probably just steps from his intended target. His huge hands drop to his sides. He looks down at me and he looks kind of confused. He looks back at the bed and the blonde. He never says a word. He just turns and leaves, not shoving through the crowd who have gathered at the door but just easing through. It's the most defeated thing I think I've ever seen. Before I follow him I look at Rose. Her eyes are alarmed and lost.
"Bella?" she questions, her face turning to distraught.
I don't have any words. I just shake my head and follow the man she just destroyed.
-B-
"Where did I go wrong BabyB?" Emmett asks me taking another sip from the bottle of Jack in his hand. I should be concerned that a good portion of the bottle is gone but I know all the fight is gone out of this giant.
"You didn't Em," I assure him. I take a sip of my own drink. Cherry Coke. I gave up on getting drunk.
"I just feel like I could have saved her. Like I should have saved her. Like I still should," he says. His eyes are shiny with tears and it's breaking my heart.
After we walked away from the shit scene Em tossed me his keys and asked me to get him out of there. I did as I was asked. Then I did as he asked when he told me to drive to the liquor store. And I did it again when he asked me to stay with him. And I didn't ask any questions when we reached his and Rose's house side by side with sleeping parents tucked in their bed and he crossed through the always open gate to sit on her back deck. I just text his brother and told him where we'd be and that I'd fill him in later. And that I loved him.
"Like, how did I not see how bad it was?" Em asks.
"I didn't see it either, Em," I tell him softly.
"No, you didn't, Bella. Why weren't you watching? Were you so wrapped up in my fucking brother you couldn't see your best friend is killing herself?" he snaps.
I look down, properly chastised because he's right. There were a hundred things I should have seen but I was too wrapped up in my own bullshit.
"I'm sorry, Babydoll. I didn't mean that. It's not your fault. It's no one but Rose's fault," he says softly. He doesn't even bother to stop the tears streaming down his cheeks.
He's right on both so I don't know what to say. I just take his big paw in mine and we sit.
-B-
It's nearing one after I help Em stagger up to his bed. Thankfully Mrs. Hale hasn't changed the alarm code so I'm able to borrow Rose's old Schwinn out of the garage. I can let Rose or Allie know it's at my house later on. Although I really don't think Rose will be needing it anytime soon. I text Edward again to let him know what I'm doing. Every time a car passes me on the dark ride home I kind of expect it to be him.
When I get home I need to decompress so I smoke a fat joint and crawl into bed. I make sure to text my boy and tell him the window is open. Then I put my phone on silent because messages are already starting to fly about the Rose show and I just can't deal.
I wake up at two thirty because I've got to pee like mad. I glance at my phone. Seventeen missed calls. Twelve unread messages. None from Edward. I use the restroom and go crawl back in bed. It crosses my mind that the boy broke another promise. But I'll deal with that in the morning.
A/N: It only gets worse from here, y'all. That's the only warning you get. If you want to see it through until the end I'll see you at the last AN. If not thank you for your time.
Chapter Songs: TI – Dead and Gone
Kings of Leon – Cold Desert