Obscure Plot Device
Bella's inner monologue: I imagined how the thread of my life might look in the Fates' loom- a nice beige. Seriously, what's the sudden fascination with beige? Now it felt like it might be glistening gold.
browniechadowes: *turns off Hercules* Really, Steph, you need to lay of the Disney movies when writing.
Bella's inner monologue: Am now going to super!monologue about vampire life. Werewolves, Renesmee, Sue Clearwater, Charlie, Leah, Jasper's happiness whoring, Renesmee growing super-fast.
Renesmee: Mommy, where is Grandpa? *walking like a supermodel on a catwalk*
Bella: Aghhh! Super talking, walking baby.
Renesmee: *quoting Tennyson*
browniechadowes: *rolling eyes at Stephenie* Pretentious much?
Renesmee: that softer falls than petals from blow roses on the grass-
Bella: Agghhh! Super reading baby.
Bella's inner monologue: We were going back to Brazil, starting there. If other children like her had existed, perhaps some tale of the life span of half-mortal children still lingered…
Super Bear: Still don't get why she grows faster rather than slower…
Bella's inner monologue: It was impossible to forget the Volturi.
Aro: Why, thanks cupcake. Aren't you a doll! *tosses Bella a note and a box* Don't worry, it's not another dick.
Bella: Erm…
Aro's note: Here, have some priceless jewels. Can't wait to see the new Mrs. Cullen. I'll bring the fondue set, you bring the chocolate *wink wink* Love, Aro. P.S. Give a little pinch on the tush to Carlisle for me.
Edward: You're not going to Volterra alone. The last time I went alone, unmentionable things happened with Jell-o and cool whip…
Bella: They won't hurt me. I'm a vampire.
Edward: You, sweetheart, are a fucking idiot. No.
Bella's inner monologue: Alice kept searching for the future, but the things she found were unrelated to what she was looking for.
Renesmee: *hides blindfold behind back* What? It's fun to fuck with Alice's vision.
Bella: *grabbing Jacob and Renesmee* Let's go hunting. And this little outing is in no way awkward, considering the relationship between the three of us.
Jacob: Suuure you're not thirsty, Nessie. You're just afraid I'll catch the biggest one again!
Renesmee: Eff that, wolf boy. I'm a fucking child prodigy. I will own your ass.
Jacob: You already do.
Bella's inner monologue: I stared. The vampire stared back. Her hair was pale, almost silver. Irina had decided to come after all.
Irina: *staring at Renesmee and Jacob* Ugh, Immortal Demon Child and bitch who killed my Laurent-kins. Must tell Aro. I wonder how many cream puffs I'll have to eat before he gets his ass up out of Italy?
Aro: 42.
Bella: Crap!
Renesmee: *killing Bambi's mother with one fell swoop* Take that, pouncing little whore of a deer.
Bella: *ignoring Renesmee's demented smile and calling Edward* I saw Irina, and she saw me, but then she saw Jacob, and she ran away.
Edward: And we're supposed to be worried because…
Bella: I don't know. I'm sure it's some kind of obscure plot device, as I am a vampire and as of now there is no reason for the Volturi to come and try to kick our asses. Oh, and the bitch growled at me.
Edward: What? Only I'm allowed to do that.
Carlisle: She's grieving.
Jasper: Over Laurent? *hides burning cross behind back* I swear I had nothing to do with that.
Jacob: *manhandles Renesmee back to the house*
Bella's inner monologue: Since the hunting trip had been aborted, Renesmee would have to make do with donated blood.
Edward: You weren't so complacent in aborting things a few chapters ago…