A/N: I am sorry about the problems with this chapter, it was not meant to be uploaded so early. I have also being having some issues with this site, I could not view some of the reviews posted, but this seems to have resolved itself. To answer some questions: Philip had a febrile seizure, it is common in young children when they have a high fever. It can precede epilepsy in later life, but that is not the case with Philip. His fever was as a result of an infection from his fall in the lake.
Chapter 26
Darcy awoke sharply with a gasp. Something was wrong. When his heart stopped racing, he turned to his side to be reassured by his wife's presence. As her gentle breathing calmed his heart, he returned his head to his pillow. There should be nothing wrong. He had been given everything he could have wanted, but the sense of foreboding would not leave him. It had started the night she had given him the assurance of her love. So for the last three days, he had awoken sharply, in a pool of sweat with his heart racing. But he could not remember the content of the dream that had startled him awake.
He turned to face his wife, but she had her back turned towards him, so he drew closer to her. As the scent of her hair filled his nostrils and her curls tickled his chin he reminded himself of all that he had gained. But it was not how he had expected it to be. The assurance of her love was all that he had thought he needed to be complete. Even before she whispered words of love, he felt loved. He was not ignorant of how brightly she lit up when he entered the room or the fact that she knew him, even when he was hiding from himself. But the words were all he lacked; until she said them to him.
Her words brought joy, but it also brought a fear that he could not admit. A fear he was ashamed to admit, even to himself. Her words changed everything. The sun now rose because of her, and it would set without her. And that frightened him. Of all the similarities he shared with his father, he had never wanted to share his father's capacity to love.
As his mind drifted further into his fears he separated from her and was about to rise when he felt her stir and then turn toward him. But she did not wake and he was glad for it. Even in the dark, she could read what was not written on his face, and he would not have her distressed by his fears. When she settled into a comfortable position, he relaxed back into their bed. Slowly he raised his hand and laid it on her slightly protruding abdomen. Her condition became more evident with each passing day, and as he lightly stroked her stomach, he cast his mind to all her words of comfort. He continued his actions for some time and he allowed her gentle breathing to reassure him that the sun would rise today.
Elizabeth had expected the days after her declaration of love to be marked by drastic changes in their day to day life. But there were none. She had loved her husband long before she had realised it and so there was no need for changes. A perceptive observer might have noticed that Mrs Darcy smiled longer and wider than was her want. But she could not help it. Occasionally a servant would be surprised to catch Mr Darcy displaying outward signs of affections to his wife, but in Mr Darcy's defence, he had no notion that he was being observed.
Life continued as it had always done at Pemberley. Two days before Jane and Robert were expected to arrive, Elizabeth received and unexpected letter. She had neither heard from nor written to the Durhams since before her marriage. Once she had left London, Elizabeth had no problem considering that part of her life over. As she stared at the unopened letter, she could not imagine what Lady Durham could have to say. But eventually her curiosity got the better of her, so she opened it.
My dear friend, I know I have no right to address you as such but I find myself in need of a friend. So I appeal to your generous heart to allow for such familiarities. I am well, and though you may not care to know, Lord Durham is well also.
It will not surprise you to know that he has found himself a mistress and he has no desire to be discreet. But I choose not to care; in truth, I am trying not to care. But it is too humiliating. We returned to London from Bath and it was already well known amongst the small society left in London. Their look of condescension and pity was all too familiar. Familiar, because I had worn that look more times than I care to admit. But it is a strange thing to no longer be the spectator. I would much rather stand in the sidelines and pity Lady Durham – whilst blaming her for her husband's infidelity – than live her life. But it is my lot in life; I only wish I had chosen it, at least then I would have no one but myself to blame.
I would have loved to return to Durham, but for the time being, I must remain in London, because I am with child again. This is my purpose in writing to you, that I may share this news. You know of my struggles and you know the joy I feel at such news. But Elizabeth, I share this with you, and only you, I am frightened. I know this is my last chance to bear a child. With Durham now occupied with his mistress, and the general state of our marriage, I cannot imagine my husband having any more patience with me. Truth be told, I do not think I have the strength to face another pregnancy should this one follow after the others.
So I must remain in London to have access to the best doctors. But my days are very bleak. My mother has returned to London to keep me company. But I find I can do without her company. It is ungrateful for me to feel this way, but I have had enough of hearing how embarrassing it would be to lose my child - whilst my husband makes it clear to all and sundry that he has no more use for me.
But I must not dwell on such things, as I am told it would harm the child. Dr Richmond, who I am sure you are familiar with, has ordered bed rest from noon till dinner. So I have no hope for society even should I wish for it. But I find that at present, I do not wish for it. I now see some of the hypocrisies that offended you and my solitary confinement gives ample time for reflection. Such reflections have shown just how much my thoughtless actions must have added to your pain, and I am sorry.
Pray for me my friend. I could not go through this knowing that you thought ill of me. I hope all is well at Pemberley and that you and your family are in good health. I miss you.
Your loving friend,
Amelia Durham.
Elizabeth was ashamed of herself; in her anger and disappointment she had forgotten her friend's vulnerability and so, she had forgotten her friend. The joy she had experienced in her marriage had made her forget the reality of what marriage was like for many others. She knew if she ever had a reason to doubt Fitzwilliam's fidelity, her world would collapse. She was happy to hear her friend's news, but she could not help but worry for her, Amelia had no more room for any more heartbreak. And she was angry at Lord Durham; he truly was a poor excuse for a gentleman.
As she prepared to respond to her friend, she felt a slight flutter in her abdomen. She had been feeling the inward movement of her child. But the babe, stubbornly, refused to move in such a way that could be felt by Fitzwilliam. She had begun the first sentence in her reply when the flutters became more forceful. Her hands dropped to her stomach and she waited until she felt it again. In her joy, she jumped out of her chair and ran the short distance to Fitzwilliam's study.
In her haste, she ignored the closed door and burst through to find her husband in a meeting with Mr Keith. "I am sorry to disturb you." She apologised as both men arose in search of the danger.
"Elizabeth! What is the matter?" Fitzwilliam asked worriedly.
"Nothing." She turned to Mr Keith and smiled. "I am sorry Mr Keith, but could you leave us please." He nodded politely and closed the door behind him.
"Elizabeth?" He asked as she walked towards him and took hold of his hand and placed it on her abdomen. They did not have to wait long for their child to move once again and her dark green eyes doubled in size as she looked at him. "That is…"
"Our child." She completed for him. She stretched as far as she could, wrapped her hand behind his neck and pulled him in for a kiss.
"Does that happen often?" He asked when their child moved again, interrupting their kiss.
"Yes, and it will continue to do so until it becomes a nuisance." She quipped but he frowned in response. He took her by the hand, led her to the chaise, and sat down pulling her onto his lap as he did so.
"I do not like to see you distressed." He whispered into her ears as she settled on his chest.
"It is a necessary burden, but one I bear with joy." She replied and he kissed her head. "Lady Durham is with child." She shared to fill the silence.
"Mr Bingley is engaged." He said in response.
She turned on his lap to face him and asked, "to whom?"
"A Miss Victoria Hunter of Rotherham, South Yorkshire." Her eyebrows shot up in response. "Do you know her?"
"In passing." She said absentmindedly. "I am surprised at your friend being engaged. But I suppose his sisters were eventually going to find someone who met their exacting taste. Although, from what I know of Mr Hunter, I am surprised he would let his younger daughter marry the son of a tradesman. But I suppose Mr Bingley is malleable and rich, that would be of some benefit to him."
"Is that your impression of my friend?" Fitzwilliam frowned.
"That is the impression I have of the gentleman who encouraged my sister's affections and was then encouraged to disregard her delicate heart." She challenged.
"I thought you bear Mr Bingley no ill will?"
"I do bear him no ill will. But you must own, he lacks conviction and many will take advantage of that. From what I remember of his would-be father-in-law, he can be counted amongst those who would seek to take advantage."
"What do you know of Mr Hunter?"
"Nothing specific. All I can hold against the gentleman is his penchant for condescending remarks. But then again he is the youngest son of a Baron, and so entitled to his condescending remarks. Andrew did not care for the gentleman, and so we had very little dealings with the family."
"You have never spoken of your late husband," Fitzwilliam said tentatively after she had once again settled in his arms. "I imagine the anniversary of his death must be coming up soon." He continued when she said nothing.
"No, it has passed." She eventually replied.
"Why did you not say anything?"
"What would you have me say?" She replied, unsure if she wanted to talk about Andrew, it had never occurred to her that he would have questions.
"Would you tell me about him?" He asked and she turned to face him.
"Did you know Andrew at all?" When he shook his head, her eyes dropped to his necktie. She took its ends into her fingers and began. "Andrew was a kind and loving man. He loved society, but there were very few people he considered to be his friend. As you know he had a difficult relationship with his brother, and he had no other close member of his family, so family was important to him. He died after a riding accident. He was riding after his brother, they had had a disagreement, and John had left in haste. He was a great horseman, but I sometimes think he forgot how to be careful."
"So you were happy." He said when she became silent.
"Yes." She replied after some time, but then she turned to him and said, "yes we were happy. But Andrew was not perfect, and neither am I." He nodded to encourage her to continue, "he loved me, you see, but he could not always trust me. He had little faith in my abilities. I was so young when we married, and he was so used to controlling everything. So we were not always happy. But when we were happy we were very happy." When it was clear she would say no more, he took her by the hand and kissed it.
"I will endeavour to never underestimate you." He promised.
"I doubt I would ever allow you to do so." She quipped and he smiled. "So when is Mr Bingley's wedding?"
"The twelfth of November."
"I imagine he has asked you to stand up with him?" He nodded in response. "It would be an opportunity for us to visit Nettleham." She suggested
"You would accompany me, despite your reservations?"
"Well, I have no intention of leaving you to fend off Miss Bingley's advances all on your own."
He laughed and said, "I have done so for quite some time now."
"Well, now you have me." She declared and kissed him.
"Yes, I do." He whispered against her lips.
A day before Elizabeth expected her sister, she received an unexpected surprise. She had been coming from the music room, where she had left Georgiana and Kitty practising a duet that they were preparing for the ball when Mr Keith came to inform her that she had visitors. Right on his heels came Lottie and the Colonel.
"Well, this is an unexpected surprise." She embraced her friend before she led them to the drawing room. A footman was sent to inform her husband and sisters, and some refreshments were called for. "To what do we owe this pleasure?" She asked as Fitzwilliam entered the room.
"Fitzwilliam? Charlotte? Is there something wrong?"
"We have come seeking sanctuary." Lottie declared, then waited for the refreshments to be brought in and the servant to leave. The drawing room door opened a third time to admit Kitty and Georgiana. The ladies shared a warm embrace with Charlotte, whilst the Colonel hugged Georgiana and bowed exaggeratedly to Kitty before kissing her hand.
"Before you begin with what I imagine will be a very tall tale, can I ascertain that no member of your family is in mortal danger?" Fitzwilliam inserted before Lottie could begin.
"What a person considers to be mortal danger is subjective, Darcy." She replied firmly. "But since you are so pedantic, I will say, papa, mama and Cromford were in good health when we left them."
"So why do you seek sanctuary?" Elizabeth asked after she had seen to the tea.
"Well, it is all your fault, Darcy." She declared with great energy.
"Mater and Pater are determined to see all of us, equally well disposed of in marriage, and it is said that the upcoming ball is just the place to scout out potential suitors," Richard explained with a little less emotion and they all laughed.
"It is not a laughing matter!" Lottie exclaimed only mildly irritated. "We were lucky to escape with our lives. Well – Cromford was not so lucky. But then he hardly put up much of a fight. Since their return from Bath, he has his sights on marriage.
"Well, he is rather old." Georgiana injected. "Perhaps it is time he set his sights on marriage, and you too Richard."
"My dear Georgiana," the Colonel said with an exaggerated bow as he took her hand to kiss it. "You are the only one for me." With his hand on his heart, he continued, "But alas you are my ward and not of age so we cannot marry. All hope is lost and so I must prepare myself for a life of perpetual loneliness." He finished with a wink in her direction and Elizabeth watched as both Kitty and Georgiana blushed.
"Oh, Dicky! Do be serious!" Lottie snapped.
"Do not call me that!" The Colonel replied very sternly. "You forget I am an officer of the King."
"And you forget that I am your sister, sir, and I will not be intimidated by you."
"I do wonder why you would seek sanctuary at Pemberley, where the ball is expected to take place," Kitty observed, disrupting the squabbles between the two siblings.
"Yes Fitzwilliam, it is hardly a credit to your military knowledge, that your plan was to escape the battlefield by arriving early to the battlefield," Darcy observed.
"Yes, well as you can imagine, I was not the captain of this ship." He said with a significant look to his sister.
"There was no time for strategic planning," Lottie said defensively. "In any case, the problem is in the person Cromford has chosen. Mama is on a warpath and papa is torn between his political ambitions and good sense. Whilst Cromford intends to subject us all to another harpy in the family. It has been nonstop arguing and mama's conclusion is that if we were all married by now, she would not be in her current predicament."
"Who exactly has Lord Cromford chosen?" Elizabeth asked indulging her friend's histrionics.
"Lady Agatha Huxley." She replied dramatically. On hearing that name Elizabeth's eyes met her husband's and they both laughed.
"It is no laughing matter," Lottie whined. In truth, it was not, but they could not help themselves. Lady Agatha had earned a reputation for being rather spoilt, but she was very well connected and so she could afford to forget the niceties of society when it suited her. From what Elizabeth knew of Lord Cromford, she imagined he was politically ambitious enough to seek such an alliance.
"I am sorry my dear," Elizabeth said as she patted her friend's hand. "But they are not married yet." She tried to encourage.
"I doubt your parents would want to see Cromford so poorly matched," Georgiana said.
"Pater is unsure. He believes Lady Agatha can be managed by a firm hand, and a good marriage can provide that. But mater is set against it." The Colonel gently explained.
"I think his Lordship is merely bringing on a world of trouble on himself, should he enter a marriage with a view of changing his spouse." Elizabeth declared. "But you have sanctuary here my friend. Will you be making an escape before the ball?"
"No!" The Colonel said forcefully, with a hard stare aimed at his sister. "I value my life more than indulging your aversions to marriage. And mater is right, you should be married by now, you will soon be an old maid."
"Richard you are a veteran of the Napoleonic Wars," his sister replied her voice was deadlier than his. "If you have any ambitions of returning to your men on the battlefield I suggest you stop with such treacherous words."
"I will see to your rooms," Elizabeth announced as brother and sister continued to stare at one another.
The Fitzwilliams were a wonderful addition to the company at Pemberley. Despite the threats made on their first day, brother and sister remained civil with one another and during the ball, the Colonel was seen on numerous occasions deflecting unwanted attentions from Lady Charlotte.
Elizabeth was excited to watch as her sister's carriage came closer and closer to the house. She had been unable to wait inside for her sister's arrival, and so her face was the first face Jane saw when her carriage stopped. She stepped back from the carriage to allow Robert to help his wife to alight from the carriage, but as soon as Jane's feet were on solid ground Elizabeth threw her arms around her sister. Their tight embrace alerted Jane to that which was in the midst of them and her sister pulled back, "Elizabeth?" she asked searching her sister's eyes.
"Surprise," Elizabeth said sheepishly and Jane exclaimed and threw her arms around her sister. Fitzwilliam saved the sisters the trouble of explaining their odd behaviour and told Robert their happy news. The rest of the party had previously been told and so Fitzwilliam received Robert's warm congratulations. When Elizabeth finally allowed Jane to be greeted by the other people who had assembled to do just that, the party made their way inside.
It was a joyous reunion, where no one observed the rules of polite conversation, they all shared whatever news they had to share all at once. After a while, Elizabeth released the Stanleys to go and refresh themselves and when they returned Robert was given an abbreviated tour of Pemberley.
With such a large party it was a little difficult for Elizabeth to find time alone with her sister, but as there was no pressing need for it, Elizabeth did not try and orchestrate time alone with Jane. She saw daily evidence of the felicity in her sister's marriage, and her sister witnessed the love between Elizabeth and Fitzwilliam.
There was no need to plan excursions for the party, the women were happy to spend their time in preparation for the Ball - although there was no longer anything to prepare – and the gentlemen spent their time on the estate or enjoying the ladies' company.
The morning before Mary's arrival, two days before the ball, Elizabeth finally had a private moment with her sister. She found Jane in her room, and on entering she dismissed her sister's maid and helped Jane finish her hair. "How are you, Jane?" She asked as she inserted some pins here and there.
"Very well." Jane smiled.
"I am glad to hear that, I had no doubts of course, but all the same it is glad to see you doing so well."
"I could say the same thing about you, my dear. I knew you would come to love him in time. But I do wonder what made you see what was right before your eyes?"
Elizabeth laughed and said, "I cannot fix the exact moment when it happened. I was in love long before I knew it. But a right understanding of my relationship with Andrew certainly helped." She hugged her sister's shoulders and said, "I cannot fathom why I should be so blessed as to have love in my life for the second time. It is so rare; many still hope to be loved just once and now we are blessed with a child. I want for nothing."
"I am so happy for you, my dear, and you deserve to be so loved," Jane said softly.
"Do you have similar happy news to share?" Elizabeth said asking the question that had been on her mind since her sister arrived.
Jane blushed then said, "Not yet."
"Well, I imagine your diligent efforts will soon yield good fruits," Elizabeth said with a coy smile.
"Elizabeth!" Jane exclaimed, then laughed and her sister joined her. "Have you told mama of your happy news?" Jane asked, chasing Elizabeth's laughter away.
"No, not yet," Elizabeth answered a little guilty. "I know I should, but the many pieces of advice she gave when I was carrying Philip are no inducements for me to do so now. But papa knows and as soon as Mary knows, I will share my happy news with her."
"So mama, papa and Lydia will not attend this ball?" Jane asked changing the subject
"No, they will not. Papa will not give Lydia permission to attend, and mama informed me she will not be attending, she has chosen to stay and support Lydia instead. Although I suspect the prospects of travelling for five or six days, has robbed Pemberley of its appeal. You know Mama dislikes travelling."
"Yes. She has yet to visit us in Leicestershire."
"Amelia is with child," Elizabeth announced as she finished Jane's hair.
"Oh, that is wonderful news!" Jane proclaimed. "I have not heard from her, but I must admit I have not been diligent in my correspondence to her." Elizabeth suspected as much, but she was determined that they would all extend an arm of friendship to Amelia.
"Yes, I have also neglected to write," Elizabeth admitted. "But we must do so now, she is in need of our support."
"What is the matter?"
"Lord Durham has found himself a mistress," Elizabeth said and watched as Jane's hand balled into a fist.
She sighed deeply before she replied, "I could not imagine such a betrayal."
"We are lucky we never have to," Elizabeth said and they walked hand in hand to join the rest of their family to break their fast.
Mary received a very similar welcome to the one Jane received, and she found out the news of Elizabeth's current condition just as Jane had. But there was even less time to spend in Mary's company. Pemberley's doors were thrown wide open to receive all and sundry. Those who were close friends or family were invited to stay at Pemberley during the days before and after the ball and Fitzwilliam occasionally whispered that he had no idea that they had so many who could be considered as friends or family.
As Elizabeth descended the stairs with her husband's help, on the day of the ball, she was happy with all that she saw. But the look of pride and admiration on her husband's face was all she needed to declare the night an unparalleled success.
They could not have been more proud to welcome their guests into Pemberley and despite Fitzwilliam's taciturn nature, he was happy to take his cue from his wife. In accordance with custom, Elizabeth and Fitzwilliam opened the ball with each other. "You look beautiful." He said as he stared deeply into her green pools.
"You have already said that." She said as she blushed.
"Well, it cannot be said too often." He whispered softly and they said nothing to one another for the rest of the dance; no words were needed.
It was some time before Elizabeth had the privilege of dancing with her husband again and she was happy to see that he did not shirk his duty for the night. After he danced with his sister, her sisters and his cousins, he paid his compliments to some young ladies sitting down without a partner.
After dinner, Elizabeth received the conclusive proof that she had won her campaign. Pemberley was re-established in Derbyshire. But as she received the nod of approval from Lady Matlock and Lady Northwick, she could not help but think how wonderful it would be to enjoy the company of her beloved husband unencumbered by social engagements.
The days after the ball saw the slow trickle of guests leaving Pemberley and though Elizabeth was sad to see her sisters leave, she could not help but be relieved. The morning after the ball was marked by tiredness the likes of which she had never experienced. It would seem her body had stored just enough energy to see her through the ball and its many preparations.
Unable to hide her situation from her husband, she had submitted to his excessive fussing and over pampering. But as she had just enough energy to eat, she thought it sound to remain in bed. Those who had remained at Pemberley had been informed of Elizabeth's delicate condition and so they were willing to excuse her less than proper neglect of her guests.
Jane invited Mary and Kitty to view her home in Leicestershire, and so five days after the ball Pemberley was emptied of all except the Darcys.
Elizabeth was worried, it had been five days and she still felt tired all the time. It was becoming a nuisance. No matter how much she slept, she received no renewal of her strength. But when she started to feel restless, she arose from her bed and went in search of her family. At first, when she had been bedbound – by Fitzwilliam's orders – Georgiana and Fitzwilliam had kept her company, but there was work to be done on the estate and she refused to allow the necessary work required to be left uncompleted.
When she made it to her office, she was happy to find Georgiana hard at work. "Where is Fitzwilliam?" She asked on entering the room.
"He has gone to check on the work being done on the west fields. Should you not be in bed?"
"Yes, but I felt a change of scenery might be beneficial." She replied and Georgiana frowned. "I am not so fragile as your brother makes me out to be. Whatever this is, it will pass." She said as she sat in her chair. They had been sewing some small garments for the tenants' children and other small tokens, for the festive season, and so Elizabeth picked up the small cap she had been making and settled into the task with Georgiana.
Things had been going on well for some time and Elizabeth had begun to feel secure in her decision to leave her room when her eyes unfocused and she felt light. She slowly set down the needle in her hand and waited for the moment to pass, as it had always done for the last five days. "Elizabeth you do not look well," Georgiana observed politely and came to stand by her. But the fog would not lift and her heart began to race, she took deep breaths to fortify herself but the fog kept on descending. "Perhaps, I should call Fitzwilliam," Georgiana said but she barely registered her sister's worried tone.
"I will return to my room and then you may call him." She said as she began to rise, she did not want Fitzwilliam to find her ill and out of her bed, he would be so disappointed. She kept her hands on the table until she felt strong enough to take her first step. She had moved away from her desk, with Georgiana behind her, when she could go no more. In the millisecond it took for her to collapse on the floor, all she could think of was Fitzwilliam; he would be so disappointed.