James: Greetings citizens, and welcome to yet another chapter of...THEY JUST DON'T CARE ANYMORE! Chapter 26. As per the usual, the Author is forced to admit that he does not own The Transformers, not does he own any of the Transformers characters...huh? No interruptions?
Crystal: He's not here.
James: Huh? Why not?
Crystal: He said something about going off to buy supplies for a camping trip...
James: Oh...huh, he doesn't strike me as the camping type...
Crystal: Well surprise, surprise, he is.
James: Huh...But isn't he some kind of uber nerd who listens to a weird mix of Linkin Park, Queen and Utada Hikaru?
Crystal: Yep.
James: Oh...well, anyway, without further ado, the Author also wished me to tell you to please enjoy the following tale, don't forget to write a review when you've finished, and finally...Thanks for reading! Ciao citizens!
In the Decepticon Base, Galvatron was pulling some sort of bullshit that was irritating Cyclonus.
"I have decided to become a Satanist!" Galvatron cried as he covered himself in black paint and tattooed an inverse cross on his forehead.
Cyclonus sighed and massaged his brow "Oh God damn it Galvatron, this is just ridiculous!"
"Nuh uh! This fanfic told me that if I were to go Goff, I would become unstoppable!" Galvatron protested.
"And was this fanfic filled with enough spelling errors to get Microsoft Word to give up on it?" Cyclonus asked, frustrated.
Galvatron thought about it, stroking his chin "...Huh, yeah it did..."
"See? It's never a good idea to get ideas from crappy internet literature! And-Why do you have an upside down cross on your head?"
"Because it's totally satanic!" Galvatron exclaimed.
Cyclonus groaned in frustration "No it's not you idiot!"
"Yes it is!" Galvatron countered.
"Christ, are you thick? The upside down cross is the symbol of Saint Peter, who wanted to be crucified upside down because he didn't feel worth enough to be crucified in the same manner as Jesus!" Cyclonus explained.
There was an awkward silence between the two.
"Wow, I didn't know the Author knew this much about religion..." Galvatron said, finally breaking the silence.
"Yeah...me either..." Cyclonus muttered.
Suddenly, Soundwave burst in.
"EXCITED ANNOUNCMENT: ATTENTION! ATTENTION! CRITICAL INFORMATION INCOMING!" Soundwave shouted, arms flailing before he transformed and tuned into a radio station.
"...And in other news, the Wiley Watcher Chocolate Factory will be holding a competition where six lucky people will receive a tour of his famous chocolate factory. To win this fantaboulous prize, participants will need to find one of six Golden Skulls hidden in random Wiley Watcher products. Winners will be allowed to bring up to two companions and-" An announcer read, before Soundwave cut him off by transforming back.
"PROCLOMATION: WE MUST FIND THE GOLDEN SKULLS!" A determined Soundwave said, clenching his hand into a fist.
"...Why?" Cyclonus asked.
"Because, I've always wanted to see the inside of that place! Ever since that last tour was held and those children were mysteriously mutilated, I've dreamed of entering those walls and seeing what sorts of wondrous torture devices that man must have!" Galvatron revealed.
"Uh, torture devices?" Cyclonus questioned "Galvatron, the man owns a candy factory, I don't think-"
"He must have torture devices! How else did he viciously stretch that boy into a paper thin freak? Or make a chocolate-boy hybrid?" Galvatron asked.
"...Really bad caretaking?" Cyclonus suggested.
"No! Torture! I must meet this man, and I must find his torture devices!" Galvatron exclaimed, before moving over to the base's PA system "Attention all Decepticons! Cease all activity! I have a new objective for all of you! You are to go out, steal all the Wiley Watcher products and search them for Golden Skulls! The first one to do so gets a half day off!"
And with that, the Decepticons began scrambling to find the golden skulls.
"Oh dear God..." Cyclonus muttered, massaging his forehead.
Elsewhere, even the Autobots were getting in on the hunt for the Golden Skulls.
"Hurry men, we can't let those damn Decepticons get their grimy fingers on my Golden Skulls!" Optimus shouted as he and the other Autobots ran through their local supermarket, looting all the Wiley Watcher merchandise.
Cerebros was scanning every bar of chocolate in search of the skulls, discarding the negatives, Red Alert was using a metal detector, Jetfire was harassing the cashiers, attempting to threaten them into telling them were the skulls were and Cosmos was...sitting down in a huge pile of chocolate, shovelling it all into his gigantic mouth.
"Oh God damn it Cosmos! Quit eating the products! What if you eat the skulls?" Hound snapped.
"I won't!" Cosmos replied...before burping up a skull, which went flying into the air and impacted into Dirge's skull as he stepped through the door, killing him instantly.
All of the Autobots froze and stared at the skull.
"Get it! Get it!" Springer cried as he dived for it.
"I saw it! It's mine!" Octane snarled as he elbowed Sludge in the face.
"Get out of way or me Slag make your head into ashtray again!" Slag roared as he ambled past Octane as he was clambering to get past the Dinobots.
"Mineminemineminemine!" Sunstreaker chanted as he frothed at the mouth.
Suddenly, Cosmos flew ahead of them all while in saucer mode, dropped down, transformed back and picked up the skull.
"Yoink!" He exclaimed as he snatched it away from Seaspray, crushing him in the process "I found it, so I get to go!"
There was a collective groan as the Autobots all looked on at Cosmos in disappointment.
"Wait, he still gets to pick two people to go with him!" Sandstorm exclaimed with joy.
"Who you pick Cosmos? Me Swoop?" Swoop asked expectantly as he leaned forward, placing his hand atop Omega Supreme's head.
"Hmmm..." Cosmos thought about it as he rubbed his chin "I pick...Hauler!" Cosmos announced "You can help me carry all the candy I'm gonna get!"
"Yes!" Hauler shouted as he leapt up into the air.
Optimus cursed "Damn it! Now there are only...uh...three more skulls left!"
"Five sir." Jazz corrected with a sigh.
Elsewhere...
"Success!" Drag Strip cried out as he jumped out of a massive pile of chocolate wrappers, holding a golden skull aloft in one hand.
"Woot!" Galvatron cheered "And you're going to take me, right?"
Motormaster suddenly stepped up behind Drag Strip and pointed a gun at the back of his head.
"Sorry Galvatron, but he promised me he'd take me, right Drag Strip?" Motormaster asked, cocking his gun for emphasis.
"Uh right!" Drag Strip nervously agreed.
"But he can take two people!" Galvatron protested.
"...He's taking Dead End." Motormaster added.
"But I don't want to go!" Dead End protested.
In response, Motormaster cocked his gun.
Dead End sighed "Fine...I'll go get my bags..."
"Oh God damn it! Who's going to find the next Golden Skull?" Galvatron asked himself.
"I want the Golden Skull now daddy!" Mirage pouted.
"Yes, yes dear, I'm doing my best to find it." Lord Straxus, Mirage's father assuaged his son as they stood inside the family Lugnut factory.
"Now! Now, now, now, now, now!" Mirage screamed.
"Yes alright, I'll get you the friggin' skull." Straxus assured, before turning back to his workers and pulling out a rifle "Right, you have five minutes to find that skull, or else I start shooting."
And with that, the workers began frantically going through mountains of chocolate, desperately hoping not to get shot by their insane employer or his idiot son.
Suddenly, one of the workers, a rusted out Empty by the name of Telus, stumbled upon something hard and shiny. Eyes wide with shock, he realised it was the Golden Skull. Eyes shifting back and forth, he made to slip it into a hidden compartment in his stomach.
It was at this point that he was shot by one of the factory's security guards, a Seeker called Ferak.
"That's some good murder there Ferak." Straxus complimented his demented Seeker henchman.
"Telus, no!" Rotorbolt cried, kneeling over his friend's corpse.
"Silence him!" Mirage yelled, pointing at Rotorbolt.
So, Ferak aimed and fired. Moments later, a cry was heard as someone doubled over in pain, smoke pouring from his wound.
"Well, that was the wrong guy, but I think he got the idea." Mirage said, waving his hand slightly "Anyway, bring the skull to me!"
"Well, who will you choose to accompany you?" Straxus asked.
Mirage shrugged before replying "Eh, I'll bring Ferak and Starscream's ghost, they can carry my stuff for me!"
"Good idea! You hear that Ferak? You get to lug my son's stuff around all day through a gigantic factory!" Straxus called out.
"Oh...goody..." Ferak muttered, beating a helpless Empty for the hell of it.
Inside the Decepticon base, a large group of reporters were crowding around Shockwave and Galvatron, clambering to get a view of Shockwave's recently discovered Golden Skull.
"Shockwave! Shockwave! How did you find the Golden Skull?" A reporter called out.
"Well, it was somewhat simple for a genius of my calibre to do so. All I did was [Insert Technobabble here], and that was it!" Shockwave explained.
"Of course! Genius!" The reporter exclaimed with wonder.
"And who will you take with you?" A second reporter asked.
"Why, me of course!" Galvatron cried, putting his arm around Shockwave.
"Uh...sure..." Shockwave replied uncertainly.
"And how did the chocolate bar taste?" Reporter number three asked.
In response, Shockwave shrugged "I don't know, I can't eat chocolate, no mouth."
In the Autobot base...
"Well it's a good thing you're going to a chocolate factory then, you mouthless little bas-!" Gears ranted at the TV, only to be pushed aside by Jazz.
"Alright men, there are only two Golden Skulls left, so let's get searching! Move, move, move!" Jazz commanded, sending the others in a motivated frenzy.
"Wait! I think I found something!" Groove called out, alerting the others.
Everyone rushed to see the Skull...and were all horribly disappointed to see that it was bronze, not gold.
"Groove ya idjit! This ain't no Gold Skull! It's Bronze!" Cog snapped as he looked at the skull.
"Well...what do I win?" Groove asked.
"Hmmm..."Congratulations dear customer, you have won a trip for five to the USG Ishimura"!" Jazz read aloud.
"...Aw, son of a bitch!" Groove cursed.
"What the hell's so great about a big dumb spaceship anyway! We've already got one of those!" Hot Spot complained, motioning to Fortress Maximus.
"I can fly with my Pegasus Boots!" Fortress Maximus exclaimed as he leapt into the air with all the grace of a drunken whale...and promptly crushed Beachcomber, Tracks, Goldbug and Smokescreen.
"Uh...maybe it'll be fun...maybe..." Streetwise said with a shrug.
And elsewhere again...
"Whee! I found the fifth skull! All bow before me!" Skywarp commanded as he presented his skull.
"Where did you get it? I didn't see you buy a single bar!" Thundercracker pointed out.
"I stole it from the factory that produced them!" Skywarp announced.
"Wait, what? Well why didn't you say so until now?" Thundercracker asked.
"I didn't want the company that made them to get suspicious, so I waited a little while before I announced it!" Skywarp told him.
"Huh...you are a despicable person, you know that right?"
"Yep!"
On the streets, Jazz sighed. Now there was only one Golden Skull left, and although he had displayed no obvious interest to find it before this sentence, he desperately yearned to find it.
Suddenly, he heard a cry of joy. Looking around, Jazz saw Daniel and some of his friends all crowding around outside of a candy shop.
"Wahoo! I just found the last Golden Skull bitches! You can all just suck it! Especially you Sara!" Daniel gloated.
"Screw you Daniel." Sara replied, glaring at her so called friend.
"Are you still mad that she beat the living hell out of you because you wouldn't stop calling her a minor character?" Rhonda asked Daniel.
"What? No, it has absolutely nothing to do with that! Other than the fact that yes, it has everything to do with that!" Daniel screamed, gnashing his teeth in a psychotic fury.
Sara sighed in annoyance.
"Say...Is that a Golden Skull Daniel?" Jazz asked as he moved close.
"Why, it sure is!" Daniel replied, beaming.
"Wold you...mind if I held it...to make sure it's real and not some cheap fake?" Jazz offered.
"Why sure buddy!" Daniel exclaimed, handing the Autobot his Skull.
It was at this point that Jazz ran off, skull in hand.
"Uh...Daniel-?" Schrader began.
"Not now man, I'm waiting for Jazz to get back with my skull! He'll be back any minute!" Daniel shushed his friend.
Hours later, the sun had gone down, and Jazz was standing alongside Sara, who was basking in Daniel's ignorance.
Finally, having enjoyed Daniel's sheer stupidity long enough Sara said to Daniel "Daniel, you are without a doubt, the dumbest person I have ever had the misfortune to meet...luckily, karma hates you almost as much as I do, so...nyeh!" Sara stuck out her tongue as she walked off.
"Any...minute now..." Daniel repeated, very tired, finally collapsing from exhaustion.
James (?): And...end of chapter 26! Wait, that's it? He ends just as the sixth skull is found? It's another two parter? What a rip off! I feel terribly cheated here! The next chapter had better be twice as long to make up for this travesty! Boo! Boo I cry!
James: What the-? Operative Demi, what are you doing here?
Ashlyn: I was filling in while you visited the vending machine...and I was doing a very good job.
James: You were sabotaging the Author again, weren't you?
Ashlyn: Maybe...
James: Sigh. Anyway, now that I'm back, please feel free to ignore Demi's comments and make up your own mind. Whether you liked it or loathed it, I hope you'll return to see the next chapter! Until then...ciao!