Z is for Zippers

Saturday, April 13, 2013

Anastasia

"Ana, where's Mama?" Kate is frantic. It's noon, and we've only just arrived at the Arctic Club Hotel. Kate and Elliot's ceremony starts at five.

"We're the only ones here." I told Bug we shouldn't have come so early. She's been so scattered lately. Must be wedding jitters. "The hair and makeup team doesn't arrive until two, so I wouldn't expect anyone until then. Maybe we should have waited, but you were so worried about being late."

"You don't understand. I've had a recurring nightmare for months about being late for my wedding. And after all the problems with venues and having to reschedule twice…well, you can understand my fear that something will go wrong."

Not wanting any hurt feelings, Kate allowed one of her aunts to take on the role of wedding planner. There were so many problems that Papa K finally had to have a sit-down with his sister.

"Everything has been smooth sailing since you hired Billy and Mia. Lesson learned. Never hire a relative who isn't a professional."

"Aunt Millie made such a mess of things. If not for being Dad's favorite sister, I'd disown her."

"Prescott hung your dress in the bedroom. I have your shoes and undergarments in my tote." I look around the place. "This is a lovely suite. The Arctic does have a nice vintage vibe."

"When I was little, I knew early on I'd get married at St. Paul's. We used to come to the Arctic for brunch. I've always loved this old hotel. The Dome Room is perfect for our reception. The only draw back was having to pare down the guest list to three hundred."

Kate grows wistful and walks to the window.

"Can I get something for you? Tea?" Kate stares down into the streets of Seattle, and doesn't respond to my question. "Bug?"

Kate turns to me, and uses her hand to smother a sob.

"Ana…I can't…" My friend throws herself face down on the sofa.

"What's wrong? Talk to me." I kneel next to Kate and rub her shoulders.

"What if I'm a bad wife? I'm not very domestic. And what if I'm not good with kids?"

"Elliot has a housekeeper who comes in twice a week. And you know enough to prepare simple meals. You're great with Teddy, so I don't know what you're worried about. You've never expressed doubts before. You've not been yourself lately."

What the hell is going on? Bug has been out of sorts for weeks now.

"I was on the pill for years and never had any problems. Then I switched to the shot, and became a raving lunatic. I let the shot run out, but the doctor said she wanted to wait until I had a period before putting me back on the pill. I'm still feeling out of whack, like I did on the shot."

"When did you last have a period?"

"Just before I took the shot. Six or seven months ago. I'm not sure."

"I don't know much about contraception, but that doesn't sound normal."

"The doctor said it oftentimes takes a while for menstruation to return after going off the shot. I just thought all the crazy side effects of the shot would be gone by now. Actually they went away and returned a while back."

"As soon as you get back from your honeymoon, I think you should see the doctor again."

"Yes, and maybe I should see someone about food allergies."

"Food allergies? That's new."

"I've had an upset stomach for weeks and I feel bloated. I've been craving milk shades, but I've denied myself, and I've been absolutely faithful to Bridal Boot Camp. No matter what I do, I'm getting bigger instead of smaller. Elliot likes it, says Boot Camp is making my boobs bigger."

Oh, shit.

"Bug, why don't you go lie down in the bedroom. I'm going to send Prescott out for milkshakes. We're both going to have one. At this point, it probably doesn't matter if you indulge a bit."

"Okay. Ana…thank you for putting up with all my crazy."

"What are friends for? Rest. I'll come get you when Prescott delivers the shakes."

As soon as the bedroom closes, I step into the hallway. Prescott and Sawyer are discussing the merits of preparing one's own ammunition, something I've heard Dad discuss on several occasions.

"Prescott, I need you to run an errand. Could you please go to Bartell's and pick up a pregnancy test?"

Prescott and Sawyer's eyes go wide.

"Congratulations, ma'am," Prescott says.

"It's not for me. Get three tests, different brands," I say, remembering all the pregnancy tests Christian ordered with Teddy. "On the way back, please stop at Dick's Drive-In and get two vanilla milk shakes."

XXXXXXX

"Bug," I rub Kate's back. "Milk shake."

Kate groans and rolls over, one eye open.

"I probably shouldn't drink this, but it's been a long time since breakfast," Kate says, sitting up and arranging the pillows behind her.

"I got something else for you."

"Chili-cheese fries?" Kate's hopeful smile is adorable.

"Nope. Pregnancy tests." And now her winsome smile is gone.

"What! No way am I pregnant. Since the shot, Elliot has used a condom every single time."

"I know whereof I speak. Exhibit A. Your nephew, Theodore Steele Grey." I think of my sweet boy who is home with Gail today. We decided he was too young for a wedding.

"Just to humor you, I'll do it." Kate rolls her eyes and retreats to the bathroom with the bag.

I take two sips of my milkshake. It's delicious. I remember craving these when I was pregnant.

Bug is taking her sweet time in the bathroom. The tests take less than five minutes and she's been in there for at least that long.

"C'mon out," I tell her. "You don't want your milkshake to get all warm and gross and melty."

Kate walks out and picks up her shake. She takes long draws on the straw and makes loud slurping noises. I don't need to ask her. I know the tests were positive.

"Should I call Elliot now or tell him in person this afternoon?"

"There's no time like the present," I say. "If you don't tell him now, you'll sit around thinking about telling him."

"Right…I think it would be easier telling him in person, but it's bad luck to see him before the ceremony."

"Do you really believe that? I don't. I think if you need to see him, you should see him. You could tell him through a door, but is that how you tell the man you love that you're pregnant?"

"I guess not."

"Are you okay?" I think of the baby Kate lost when she was a teenager.

"Yes. I'm happy, but I don't want to get excited until Elliot does. I'm gonna text him, ask him to come now."

I watch Bug tap away on her phone, and then hear the ping in response to her text.

"El is with Christian. They're on the way."

"Good. I'm sure Elliot will be thrilled. If the shot is good for three months, and you took it six or seven months ago, you could be four months along."

"I know. I feel foolish. I've been buying larger clothes, thinking I was turning into a lard ass…oh, shit. My last fitting was six weeks ago. What if the dress doesn't fit?"

"Try it on before El gets here." I dig through the tote for Kate's wedding lingerie, and her Spanx. "Can you squeeze into these?"

Kate undresses and I gasp when I see how big her boobs have gotten. The bra is too small, and the Spanx look uncomfortable.

Her dress is a strapless ball gown. I help her step into it.

"Sucking in my gut doesn't help," she says. "See if you can get it zipped."

I work the zipper up and down, wiggling it and gently pulling the fabric together. At last, the dress zips closed.

"Thank goodness," I say. "How does the dress feel? You look like you've put on weight, but you don't really look pregnant. You look fuller, more womanly, but I don't think anyone will think you're pregnant."

"The dress is snug, but I think it looks okay. The bodice actually looks better now that my tits are bigger. Maybe Mama can swing by the shop and get me a larger size bra. This one squishes my tits too much."

Kate reaches down to unzip the dress, and we both hear it. The sound of fabric ripping. The zipper has been stretched beyond capacity and has pulled away from the seam.

We exchange looks of alarm. Poor Kate is stunned. As if just finding out she's pregnant wasn't enough, she now has a ripped wedding gown. It's close to two. Billy, Franco, and the team will soon be here.

Kate begins to cry. The tears start with a whimper and soon become sobs.

"Oh, Bug. It'll be okay." I hold her close as she blubbers into my shoulder. "I'll call Mama K and she'll know what to do."

There's a banging on the door, and I hear Sawyer telling someone to calm down.

"Katie, open the goddamn door!" It's Elliot.

"Bug, are you ready to see him?"

"I think so."

"Go in the bedroom and put on your robe. You don't want him to see you in your gown."

I open the door and Elliot pushes past me. Christian isn't far behind.

"Where the fuck is she?" Elliot's voice booms through the suite.

"Calm down. I won't let you see her, if you're going to stomp around like an ass."

"Nobody's keeping me from her. Where is she?" Elliot pulls at his hair and marches toward the bedroom. "If she's got cold feet and thinks she's gonna bounce, she's got another thing coming."

They may not be related by blood, but Elliot's response is so like Christian. I start giggling and can't stop, tears running down my face.

Christian and Elliot stare at me.

"Baby, what's so funny about this?"

"You," I gasp for breath and move my finger between Christian and Elliot. "Alike…funny."

"Stop laughing, Banana. Where the fuck is she?"

"I'm here," Kate tells him, pulling the bedroom door back. "Come in here so we can talk."

"Christian and I will take a walk," I tell Kate. "Back in a few."

"Dome Room," I say to Sawyer and Taylor, as I take Christian's hand and lead him to the elevator.

"What's going on with Kate? Elliot's out of his mind with worry."

"She's pregnant and in shock," I whisper.

"That's huge…but what's the problem? I thought they wanted kids right away." Christian sees no problem.

"It's not as easy that. Don't you remember all of your own conflicting emotions when I told you I was pregnant?"

"That was different. I didn't think I wanted children, but Elliot has always wanted them."

We get off the elevator and walk to the Dome Room. The leaded glass ceiling was made by Tiffany in 1917. It really is a beautiful space.

"Literally minutes ago, Kate found out she's pregnant. It's her wedding day, and instead of focusing on her guests, she's thinking about the baby she lost years ago. Her hormones are wreaking havoc. She's allowed to be a mess. I just hope Elliot understands."

"Up in the suite, you said Elliot and I are alike, but we're not. Elliot will know exactly what to say and do."

"You underestimate yourself, Mr. Grey. You know how to do and say the most perfect things. If there weren't people in here setting up for the reception, I'd ask you to take me on one of these tables."

"Don't tempt me, Mrs. Grey." Christian kisses me sweetly. "I suppose we should go back upstairs."

XXXXXXX

Just as Christian predicted, Elliot said exactly the right things. El was so happy, he was twirling Kate around when we returned to the suite. Then he picked Christian up and twirled him. It was the most awkward and beautiful sibling moment I've ever seen.

Mama K had her alterations person from the shop come over. Kate has literally been sewn into her dress, and at the end of the evening, Mama K will have to use a seam ripper to help Kate undress.

My dress is a beautiful rose pink silk halter with silk chiffon overlay. The 'beauty' team is still here, but I'm ready to go, having been tended to early on. Becca is also finished and she's relaxing with a book right now. Mia is nearly ready, but Kate's cousins aren't even close. We must leave for the church in a half hour.

Kate is ready to go, sitting with Mama K and Grandma Aggie. She calls to me. "The photographer will be back in a few minutes, Ana. Tell everyone to be ready."

Prescott taps me on the shoulder.

"Mrs. Grey, your husband wants you to come out into the hall."

I follow her, to find Christian pacing back and forth in front of Taylor and Sawyer.

"Thank fuck. I was afraid you'd be under a dryer or have goop on your face."

His assessment of beauty practices makes me giggle.

"Your salon ownership days did nothing to educate you in the ways of female grooming." As soon as I say it, I want to take it back.

"That's certainly loaded with meaning," he says in mild irritation. "Come with me."

"I can't. We're taking pictures and leaving for the church soon. Shouldn't you be doing the same?"

"We already have pictures. Ten minutes," he says.

"Your timing is terrible. You're the best man and I'm the matron of honor. We have responsibilities."

"Ten minutes." Christian pouts. How can I refuse that handsome face?

He takes my hand and pulls me into the darkness of a linen room. Taylor follows us, to stand guard outside the door, I presume.

"Do you remember?" Christian presses me up against the wall.

"Commencement. Dinner. My first utility closet sex."

"Yes, Mrs. Grey. And this is your first married utility closet sex. I wanted to wait for the reception, but I need you now."

"Stand and slam?" I ask.

"Yes," he says, feeling his way under my skirt. "This dress suits you. I like having easy access."

"Please don't rip my panties. I don't want to be in church without underwear."

"God has seen you without panties."

"Yes, but Kate's wedding guests haven't, and I'm sure you'd like to keep it that way."

Christian unties my halter and lavishes my breasts with attention.

"I want you in my mouth," I say, as I unzip his pants. We don't have much time, so I practically assault his penis, taking it straight to the back of my throat.

We know each other's bodies very well. We can each make the other come within a couple of minutes, but we also know how to extend pleasure. Christian is a wonderful teacher, and he's taught me the fine points of edging.

Soon my legs are wrapped around his waist, and the heels of my Louboutins click together as Christian pounds away. I'm reminded of "The Wizard of Oz."

There's no place like home.

Christian is my home.

We soon find our release, fumble in the dark for towels, and clean ourselves up.

"Thank you, baby. I needed that. And I may need it again later."

"I love you, my darling." I reach down to zip him up, but as I pull up, the zipper gets stuck. "Uh-oh."

Christian steps back to find the light switch, and we both hear it.

The rip of fabric.

Under the harsh florescent light, we see Christian's zipper has caught the chiffon overlay of my dress. The chiffon has a small tear. He and I are now attached to one another.

"Shit, baby. What are we gonna do?"

"Let me try." I try working the zipper, but it won't budge. We're running out of time. "Stick your head out and ask Taylor to call Mama K."

Taylor makes the call, then steps in to see what he can do. Christian refuses his help.

"Baby, I don't know what Dana Kavanagh can do. You're the only one I want coming near my dick."

"I'm trying to avoid further damage to the dress. She may know what to do. We need help."

Mama K arrives on the scene in complete confusion.

"Ana, how did this happen?"

"I don't think that matters much right now," I say. "Please help us fix this."

"I'm not sure what to do," Mama K says.

"There you are." Carrick joins us. "We're waiting for you, son."

"I can't. Anastasia and I are stuck together." Christian points at his crotch.

"Oh, for the love of God," Carrick says in exasperation. "You two are like teenagers."

"Sir," Taylor interrupts. "I looked up stuck zippers and the internet says use Windex."

"On silk chiffon? Never." Mama K tells Taylor.

Suddenly Christian and I find ourselves in the middle of a crowd.

Grace, Papa K, Aggie, and the entire bridal party are in the hall discussing our situation. So much for Kate's dress being a surprise for Elliot. He has his hands all over his bride.

Everyone seems to have an opinion about how to solve our problem.

"How about graphite?"

"Olive oil on a Q-tip."

"Damn, bro, how did you and Banana do that?"

"WD-40 should work."

"Just give the zipper a good yank."

And from one of Kate's cousins, "Let me reach down there. I have small hands. I can fix it." Over my dead body!

Christian and I lean into each other, frustrated and more than a little embarrassed.

"Mia, where's Kate's bridal emergency kit?" I ask.

"I've got it right here in your tote."

"Wonderful. Would all of you please give us five minutes?"

Christian walks us back into the privacy of the linen room.

I find a pair of nail scissors, and carefully trim the chiffon away from Christian's zipper. There will be a hole in the top layer of fabric, but it's close to my waist, and I can hide it with the bouquet. At the reception, maybe people will be too intoxicated to notice.

I play with Christian's zipper but it comes off track and is a loss. I find duct tape in the emergency kit, and use that to close Christian's fly. The zipper placket covers the tape. No one will be the wiser.

"Every time you use the john, you'll need a fresh piece of duct tape. I'll be happy to help you with that, Mr. Grey."

"Thanks, baby. One day we'll laugh about this."

XXXXXXX

"I, Elliot, take you, Katherine, to be my partner for life,

I promise above all else to live in truth with you

And to communicate fully and fearlessly.

I give you my hand and my heart

As a sanctuary of warmth and peace

And pledge my love, devotion, faith and honor

As I join my life to yours."

This is El and Bug's special day, and we are privileged to be part of it.

Christian and I lock eyes. Suddenly a broad smile lights up his face. I return his smile, knowing what it means.

We share a secret, just us two. We are accomplices, confederates, co-conspirators.

I love you, he mouths silently to me.

You too, I mouth back.

XXXXXXX

9 Feb 2018

Gentle Reader,

Thank you for reading and following as we waited together for the release of "Fifty Shades Freed." Your kind feedback and reviews have been most helpful to me as I attempt to improve my writing. I have the brightest, most generous readers in the fandom. From the bottom of my heart, thank you!

To nikkistew2, thank you for being my rock. You are a blessing to the FSOG fandom, and one of the most intelligent and funny people I have ever had the privilege to know.

To Seosh, who provided the inspiration for "A to Z," thank you.

To ramanreinee, thank you for pre-reading, offering feedback, and most of all, for being a friend.

To Nance, who might read this, and to GDB, who won't, thanks for monitoring my guest reviews. Love you bunches!

To stargazer93, Diamondchild, missmusicteach, QueenBee03, and Carmelroads, thank you for the writer-to-writer support and encouragement. Your kindness will never be forgotten.

All the best,

Paula AKA T Traveller