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Chapter Twenty-Four
It'd only been a week. A week and five days since Ella's surgery. For Lucas it felt like forever. Yet regardless, he never thought he'd be back there. At a hospital. At a hospital with doctors, nurses, and that feeling of death looming around them all- with desperate helplessness to go along with it. It was such helplessness that was making Lucas' stomach churn as he sat in a poorly lit hospital hallway, his shoes tapping too quickly to count. He sat with shaky hands waiting for answers he wasn't sure he wanted.
-x-
"Dan!" Lucas hit the last step before his eyes could blink, and he felt his body moving-quickly- toward Dan, who lay there on the sidewalk. Lucas could feel adrenaline towards the tips of his toes, and it propelled him to go faster before he nearly tripped, and ignored the burn when his knees hit the ground. "Shit," he muttered as he ran his hand over his face. He couldn't bare to look at Dan, his eyes shut and his face sullen…Lucas had to stay calm. Thankfully, Lucas' cellphone sat at the ready in his jeans pocket.
"911 what's your emergency?"
"I'm here with my father, he's collapsed on the sidewalk. He has a heart condition, Hypertrophic Cardiomyopathy. " Lucas spoke quickly, his voice was quivering. He looked ahead of him only momentarily to see a small crowd of people had gathered, concerned glances on their faces. Lucas absentmindedly observed Dan's chest and realized it wasn't moving. "Christ, he isn't breathing! Please hurry!" Lucas heard his almost unrecognizable voice on the other line, and he realized he was being recorded..the panic filtered back right to him, and almost instantly Lucas started picturing Nathan, and it was making him sick.
"Calm down sir," the operator advised. "I need an address."
The rest was nearly a blur. Lucas blurted out that he was in somewhere in Brooklyn, and eventually remembered the street name and cross streets. He stood bent down by Dan's side, looking up to the street in front of him until he heard the blaring sounds of the ambulance and the flashing red and white lights. It advanced closer and closer, and soon it was parked and two EMT's ran right out to help. All Lucas could see was Dan in cardiac arrest and having to be given CPR right before his own blue eyes.
- x-
About an hour passed and Lucas found himself right there in that damn hallway in another damn hospital. He sat with his head in his hands, wondering how he was going to handle what was going to be a much different phone conversation with Nathan. He also wondered how he was going to tell his daughter about any of this when the time came-especially as he ran his fingers gingerly across the drawing Ella had made. It was a collection of lions (at least, he assumed) frolicking about in nature. Lucas smiled softly, thinking of the way her precious little hand clutched the colored pencil, and how her innocent and brilliant mind led her to draw such a picture. He opened the cover to see Ella had written something on the inside, which read:
Grandpa Dan, I had a lot of fun today and I'm really glad you came to visit me. Thanks! I hope to see you again soon!
Love, Ella
P.S. We should watch The Lion King, it's a great movie and it's funny and there are lions all over the place!
Lucas grinned only momentarily when he thought just recently before Peyton's birthday where Ella watched The Lion King on DVD with her Grandma Karen- three times in a row. Lucas counted, it really, really was three times. But no one had the heart to complain. Well, maybe once or twice.
His grin faltered and went away as quickly as it came and Lucas was right back where he started. Right when he felt terribly lost, his angel came along to his rescue. Lucas looked up towards the hallway when he heard the unmistakable sound of her heels against the white linoleum floors. Peyton walked briskly, searching for him, and Lucas noticed her purse was slung over her shoulder and a light jacket-since she figured she'd be there for a while-hanging off her other arm. "Luke," she called, an air of relief in her voice. Lucas stood up and treasured her embrace, holding her close. "My God…I'm so sorry." her voice was nearly a whisper to make sure Lucas heard her only then and nobody else.
Lucas said nothing. He just held her in that hallway.
"Any news?" Peyton asked when she pulled back to look at him. She could just see the distress in his eyes.
Lucas shook his head. "No not yet. How's the baby?" he asked softly, and he knew how hard it must've been for Peyton to leave Ella even for the moment, as up until this unexpected point Peyton never left her daughter's side.
"I'm hoping she's okay, I left her with Brooke and Jullian and your mother."
Peyton waited to leave for the hospital until after Ella had fallen asleep for her nap. Although Karen probably knew, Peyton went over it one more time for her own sake than anybody else's: the medication in the form of a capsule was powerful yet effective, to be administered every four to six hours. Peyton did so around the clock to make sure, if anything, Ella had minimal pain. The medication made Ella sleepy, did a fantastic job at doing so actually. But if there were any problems Peyton told her Brooke and Karen to call her. Although Peyton told herself to devote her attention entirely to her husband, in the back of her mind she was praying her phone would not ring.
Lucas nodded, hurt flashing in his eyes thinking of his mother. "Does my mom know?"
"She's worried, but I don't think she recognizes it."
Lucas nodded and let out a breath. He didn't even know how he felt. It was too much for him and would have to be dealt with later when he had a moment to think.
"Family for Dan Scott?" the voice of a middle aged woman, with dark brunnete hair with wise eyes, spoke. She clutched a chart in her hand and her white coat flapped against the back of her legs as she walked.
Lucas and Peyton turned. "I'm Lucas Scott," Lucas said. He then hesitated and swallowed hard, what he was about to say next he knew would completely contradict what he fought so hard to believe with all his heart, especially after getting hit with the fact that he had to live without Keith, leaving him lost and heartbroken. "I'm his son." Lucas felt Peyton squeeze his hand, and he squeezed right back.
The doctor didn't even blink, not realizing the weight of Lucas' words right then. She introduced herself as Dr. Miller. "His heart is getting weaker, and the weakness caused him to collapse. He went into arrest but we've brought him back and he's stable for right now. Even so I'd like to keep him overnight for observations."
Lucas nodded. "Okay."
"I've notified Dr. Thorton in Charlotte. Considering Dan has decided to stop all treatment, I'd like to talk to you about flying your father back to North Carolina."
Lucas raised his eyebrows in surprise. "Really? I mean, you can do that?"
"Not at the moment, but hopefully in the next few days. That way he can be close by to Dr. Thorton and his hospice nurse. Would you have someone retrieve him on the other end?"
"Uh… yeah, my brother. My brother can take care of it." Lucas' head was spinning. When did Dan manage to get a hospice nurse? "This is all because of the HCM right?"
Dr. Miller nodded gently. "Ultimately yes. He's very weak at this point, his heart is weak and all the stress of his heart trying to keep up with his body and is what caused him to collapse." She saw a subtle hint of fear in the young man's eyes. He had HCM too, she realized.
Lucas nodded and let out a breath. He really didn't want to think about what that could mean right then. He felt Peyton squeeze his hand tighter. He could tell by the look on her face she didn't want to think about that either. "What about right now? Is he concious?"
"He is. I can bring you to him if you'd like." After Lucas said yes, Dr. Miller then started down the hallway bustling with activity, but in a quiet manner as the patients were meant to rest.
Lucas motioned for Peyton to follow him. They followed Dr. Miller's shadow as she approached room number three. The door was opened and dimly lit, and in the center of it was the bed in which Dan lay. At least, the shadow of the man. His skin was a pale, yellowish color, and his expression was nothing short of sullen. The expression in his eyes was panic-stricken, as he wondered where he was and how he got here. Instead of his lips forming words, the pain in his chest only served him to moan nonsensical things.
"It's okay Mr. Scott," Dr. Miller said in her reassuring and stable voice. "You're in the hospital. You collapsed but you're okay. Your son is here."
At those words, Dan's brown eyes flickered to Lucas, who stood there, his eyes and gaze somewhat gentle. It was as if he'd undergone a polar switch from the anger and hate that overtook him just hours earlier.
Dan's chapped and dry lips started moving, slowly, as he barely said his eldest son's name, and for a short minute that was the only thing that filled the silence.
"I'll give you guys a minute," Dr. Miller announced sympathetically, before leaving the room and closing the door behind her.
Lucas stood there, almost unsure of what to do now. But Dan kept looking at him, and it was that kind of haunting, unavoidable gaze that seems to follow you everywhere. Lucas took steps forward, arriving at Dan's bedside. He debated sitting by his side but decided against it. "You're gonna be okay, Dan," he said softly, although he really had no clue if that would be true.
Dan continued to look at his son, his eyes pleading and desperate, searching for a truth he knew was there. It had arisen like a heartless thief when he got the news of his organ rejection. He wasn't meant for this life, that he didn't deserve a life to live after he'd taken away somebody else's. Dan swallowed, feeling it travel down his throat before he spoke, or tried to. "Wh…what…" his lips were moving, his brow slightly creased as he struggled now to form words. Right then it hit just how tired he felt, tired and weary. Tired and weary of everything.
"After you left the house, you were walking down the block and you collapsed. The doctor's just gonna keep you overnight for observations." Lucas didn't want to watch Dan fighting for breath, so he spoke gently to quiet him- for both their sakes.
Dan's face filled with pain. He shook his head. "Don't..make me stay," he ushered in one breath.
"It's just for the night," Lucas said again. "Dr. Miller thought it would be a good idea to send you back to your hospice in North Carolina," Lucas watched as Dan visibly relaxed. "Would that be alright with you?"
Dan mustered enough strength to conjure a slight nod. In case it wasn't clear, he nodded again.
"Okay," Lucas said again. He hesitated, looking over Dan and his frail body, as he heard the bleeping of heart monitors and all the wires. He didn't realize Dan was trying to speak again until he heard his voice.
"Why did you come after me?" he whispered hoarsely, but the way Dan posed it didn't make it seem like a question, although it was just as honest- it was more like a dejected statement from a man who'd lost all hope. He'd asked the question simply because the last thing Dan remembered was hearing Lucas call his name.
Lucas answered in the only way he knew how. He quickly looked down to the card he still grasped in his other hand and lay it by Dan's side. "I was going to give you this." he watched as Dan looked over the card and its greeting on the front, and Lucas thought he saw tears forming in his father's eyes. "Ella made it for you."
Dan said nothing. He thought of his only granddaughter, of her brilliant eyes and her innocent laugh and her kind, unbiased heart. Even if he'd only spent a few hours with her, that was one thing to be thankful for as he found himself back in a hospital, his mortality staring him right in the face.
-x-x-x-x-
Peyton and Lucas had been gone for almost three hours. Ella had been asleep for a two and a half of those three hours. The past half an hour, she'd been crying her eyes out. Things were going well before the little girl fluttered her eyes open, expecting to see her mother. She looked around the room, her eyes bleary, but her mother was nowhere to be found. This couldn't be true, because her pain had come back, merciless as it coursed through her veins, the muscles in her legs tightening. "Momma," Ella sobbed as the pain was reaching new heights. "Mom," she whimpered again. When her Mom didn't show after her call, Ella stared crying harder, her pleas for her mother barely heard between her strangled sobs.
Peyton wasn't there, but Brooke was, and for the past thirty minutes she'd been trying to comfort her best friend's little girl as best as she could, but as Brooke quickly learned that no matter what she did, it wasn't the way Peyton did it, and if it wasn't how Peyton did it, then it wasn't going to work. At least, not where Ella was concerned.
"It's alright sweetheart," Brooke comforted her, gently wiping her cheeks of the tears that had fallen.
"No, Aunt Brooke it really hurts," Ella cried, as her legs trembled and her fists clenched as she tried to fight back. Her sobs escalated to shouts, the pain worse than it had been in a while- yet it seemed for Ella there was no relief.
Brooke was crouched by Ella's side, trying to keep her heart rate down and trying not to panic. She remembered saying briefly in high school how she was never good in a crisis, but naturally with age that changed. Especially now, since Brooke was a mother, being in good in crisis was essential- but it didn't mean that seeing any child in pain, in any kind of hurt, didn't hurt her too. "I know it hurts, I know," Brooke said, her voice full of empathy. She told Ella she knew, but really she didn't. She'd never know what it was like.
"I want Momma to come back!" Ella cried, her voice desperate as she sought out the person she loved most.
"Mommy will be back soon, I promise," Brooke said gently, trying hard to calm Ella down.
Jullian stood next to Brooke, an almost shocked expression on his face. He knew Ella had major surgery, and he knew pain would be involved but he never figured it would be like this- she was nearly screaming in anguish. It broke Jullian's heart and it terrified the hell out of him all at once.
"Aunt Brooke, it really hurts!" Ella cried harder, her body nearly shaking as she reached blindly for Brooke's hand.
"Okay, okay," Brooke said, both to soothe her niece and to make sense of her jumbled thoughts as to what the hell she was going to do. She turned to her husband and nearly snapped due to her nerves. "Jullian, can you help please?"
"Try giving her more medication," Jullian suggested lamely. He felt like an idiot, and even worse that he could do nothing more to help. His thoughts flashed to Karen and Andy, who chose this fantastic moment to be out of the house and at the bakery buying more bread for dinner. It was Andy who suggested he took Karen for a walk as a distraction, and it was Brooke who insisted they go. The bakery was close by, Karen would be back at any moment. Grandma Karen always knew what to do, and in this situation Jullian humbly considered her second best.
"I can't, we just gave her medication. They're really strong painkillers."
Jullian almost rolled his eyes. "I'm aware of that, and you didn't just give her some, three hours ago was her last dosage."
"Well, you heard what Peyton said, every four to six hours," Brooke snapped, trying to focus on Ella and her husband at the same time. She didn't want to take any chances since Ella was solely in her care, and Brooke knew how hard it was for Peyton to leave her little girl, especially now when Ella needed her the absolute most.
At the mention of her name, Ella burst into fresh tears. How she missed her mother- well firstly, Ella wondered, was where she had gone off to. She hated the silence and uncertainty without her. She missed her voice, her gentle touch, and the way she cared for her and did practically everything perfect- from tucking her in at night to serving her just the right portion of food at the dinner table. "I miss…Mommy…" Ella went on, shutting her eyes and squeezing Brooke's hand hard as another wave of pain went over her encasted legs, her chest jerking upward only slightly.
Jullian advanced closer, speaking to his wife softly as she tried to comfort the girl she loved so much. "Should I call her?" he asked seriously.
"No," Brooke said almost immediately. Dan's dilemma had taken them all by complete surprise, and to be honest she was still shocked, and a part of her prayed for him. But the biggest part of her prayed for Lucas, who she danced with just yesterday; who she hugged in that way of hers; who she cared very deeply about. It was so hard to see him upset, from hurting for his little girl to irate over Dan (but more heartbroken over Keith)…and now he was put in the position of waiting by Dan's bedside until he felt well. Needless to say, whatever amount of strength Lucas was trying to put forth, Brooke knew very well he needed his wife by his side, because for years, Peyton was always the girl to fix everything. "We can handle this." Brooke told Jullian and herself, ever so determined.
Even if he might've disagreed in the slightest, Jullian spoke no more, except when he tried his hand at comforting Ella. "It's gonna be alright Ella," he said calmly, his voice sure. "Mommy will be home soon, and Grandma will be home soon."
"And my Daddy," Ella cried, when it hit her that her father wasn't around either. Where were they?
"And your Dad too," Jullian went on, quickly hoping Lucas was alright. "It's going to be okay kiddo."
Ella let out another cry louder than the last one, as the pain assailed with no apparent motive. It was like a thief that stole her freedom, stole her laughter, and stole from her that idea, that faint memory of what it was like to be a kid in the Summer: no hospitals, no cast, no wheelchair, no diapers, no sponge baths, no itchyness or discomfort, most of all, zero trace of this pain that was now all she could think about.
"Okay, sweetheart take my hand," Brooke said, loudly over Ella's cries to make sure she understood. Ella obliged, almost choking helplessly over her sobs, shaking and coughing from the intensity. Brooke held it and held it firmly, crouching to meet Ella's pained gaze. "I want you to squeeze my hand until the pain leaves," she commanded in her effortless ways.
"It wont!"
"Yes, it will," Brooke's conviction was strong. She let Ella squeeze her hand hard as she endured what might've been the last big feelings of pain for the night. Afterwards, Brooke had a tissue handy and gently cleaned Ella up. "You're such a fighter, you know that?" Brooke saw it in her the moment she was born; she watched Ella fight for the right to live for the three months she was in that hospital; Brooke watched her fight for her first steps; and she watched her fighting now, watched as she strived for that glimmer of hope she knew was there somewhere. Ella didn't answer, but Brooke swore she saw her lips curl into the slightest of smiles. She trembled for the last time as she regained her breath. It was over for now. "Do you want some ice cream?" Brooke almost whispered with a gleeful smile- just so it would be their little secret.
Ella shook her head feebly.
Brooke raised her eyebrows in surprise and doubt. "You don't want chocolate ice cream? No way lady," she said it in a way that almost made Ella giggle. "What about I get you some water?"
This time Ella nodded her head yes, for she felt the harsh strain in her throat from crying for so long. She knew water would at least make her feel a little better, even if nothing else would feel right until her mother returned. "Okay."
"Be right back," Brooke said greatfully, her feet moving quickly from the living room. She welcomed the warmth and cosy feeling of the kitchen, and the humble silence that knew nothing of what had just went down in the living room. Soft spoken voices were heard as Jullian turned on the television to keep Ella occupied.
As Brooke reached up into the cabinet, she felt her heart start to pound, and she couldn't help but tear up. She had just seen first hand what it was like for her best friend's little girl…everything she was forced to face at such a young age, and even if Ella was a pro at doing so, it was still a lot, so much so that it took Brooke's breath away and made her want to cry. Brooke put her hand over her heart to possibly make it stop hurting.
Right then, Jullian entered the room wearing a most gentle expression. If there was anything he hated, it was seeing Brooke so upset. And he knew she'd try and prove him wrong with the tight, sad smile she sent his way. "You okay?" he asked softly, as he walked closer to her and put a supportive hand on her lower back.
Brooke nodded right away, but she couldn't help but lean back into Jullian's touch, and let him wrap her into a protective embrace, kissing her on the forehead. It was in his arms that she let a few tears fall, for the two girls she loved most.
-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-
When Lucas and Peyton left the room to let Dan rest, all Peyton could do was take a deep breath as soon as the door closed behind them. She wrapped one arm around Lucas' torso to comfort him, or do something to find out what he was feeling. But to her surprise it was Lucas trying to comfort her. "You okay?" he asked, rubbing her back.
Peyton looked at him. "Luke, are you okay?"
Lucas shrugged as they started a slow walk down the hallway. "I don't really know," he said as honestly as he could, his voice sad. "Is that a good enough answer right now?"
Peyton's green eyes softened. "I don't think there are any good enough answers for right now."
Lucas nodded and took a deep breath. This was all so much, so much had happened since the morning he woke up next to his wife. In those moments he got to feel like things finally felt right, or okay enough to feel happy. But then in one rapid second, one unexpected knock on the door, everything changed. Everything changed and now Lucas found himself about to do something most difficult. "I still have to call Nathan."
Peyton took a breath, she hadn't thought of her brother in law yet. She had absolutely no clue how he would take this. "I think that's a good idea."
Lucas led his wife to sit down next to him on two chairs, where other families were waiting. "I know you have to get back soon," he said quietly.
"Luke, I'll be right here," Peyton assured him, letting him take her hand. It was true that this whole visit she was mindful of her purse, thinking every little jolt or movement was her phone going off, that it was Brooke or Jullian or Karen telling her that she was needed back home for her baby girl. To say that she was anxious was an understatement. But her husband needed her right now, so she wasn't going to be anywhere but by his side- at least for this phone call.
Lucas leaned over and kissed Peyton's temple, perhaps to tell her he loved her, and perhaps for strength. He took a moment before reaching into his jeans pocket and dialing Nathan for the second time that day.
-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-
Nathan was whistling a familiar tune as he waltzed around his sunny kitchen. He was always a big fan of good weather, where the sun was bright and shining, the sky an impossible color blue. He wanted to enjoy it, and he wanted to enjoy it with his family- which is why not too long ago he marched into his eldest son's room, turned off his play station, and almost demanded him that they go and enjoy the gorgeous day at the River Court. Jamie agreed to it almost immediately.
Haley had a crazy day ahead of her at the studio, between finding some sort of common ground with Miranda to trying to persuade Grubbs to record an album, so she enlisted Deb's help as grandmother to watch over Matthew. Years ago, asking Deb wouldn't have been an option. But after a long, stressing process in rehab and therapy, Deb had really turned her life around just as she promised for her son and family. She was doing amazingly well and Nathan had never been more proud to call her his mother.
So, for the day, it was just going to be Nathan, his oldest son and his buddies. Being the guy Nathan was he couldn't wait for Matthew to be old enough to be taught the game. Nathan was grabbing bottles of gatorade for the crew, when he heard his cellphone starting to buzz on the granite counter. He smirked when he saw that it was Lucas calling. "Damn bro, already?" he joked as he answered the phone. Sure when Nathan was younger he had memorized the valuable lesson that was to never underestimate Dan Scott, but this was a new record. "Alright, you have my permission. What's Dan up to now?"
"Nathan."
Nathan furrowed his brows at his brother's sullen reply. He concentrated and heard a busy background, full of buzzing voices and machines. "Yeah? Where are you?"
"I'm at the Hospital."
Nathan didn't let Lucas finish as his heart dropped so quickly into his stomach. Oh shit. "Why?" he asked, trying to keep his voice under control. He tried not to picture his beautiful niece. He gripped the counter hard with his hand.
"It's Dan. On his way out of the house, he collapsed and went into cardiac arrest. They saved him, gave him CPR. But he's at a Hospital in Brooklyn and they want to observe him overnight."
Nathan sank back into a stool that was thankfully behind him. Suddenly everything got really quiet… the type of quiet that arrived when something had gone terribly wrong. Even the animals outside stopped making noise. He couldn't really find words to summarize what he was feeling… all his life, especially as a boy Nathan saw his father as somebody invincible- hero was a bit of a stretch, but invincible for sure. Even now, to imagine him helpless and lying there on the ground was enough to make his stomach churn. But he was confused too. His father was a murderer. He took away someone else's life-his brother's life, and in doing so nearly destroyed Lucas and Karen's. Since then, Nathan had never felt so ashamed. But what to feel now? "Shit," Nathan muttered. "Is he okay?"
"He seems really tired and weak Nate. He doesn't look well."
Silence. Right then another looming question found its way into Nathan's mind. One that was heavy, and one that overtook him with a wave of emotion. It was a question that was almost inevitable, but a tough one all the same: Was Dan really, truly going to die soon?
"Nathan?"
Nathan snapped back into reality. "I mean I'm…" he stuttered over his words. "When did this happen?"
"A few hours ago. The doctor let me see him. It took a lot of effort for him to talk."
Nathan didn't say anything. He felt sick. What Lucas said next affirmed for Nathan even more that they were brothers. It was as if Lucas could read his mind without even being in the same room with him.
"I know this is a lot Nate, but I'm gonna stay with him, don't worry about it."
Nathan shook his head. A lot for him? It was a hell of a lot for Lucas, what with Ella recovering from major surgery in a new city. Yet his older brother was still willing to do this. "Okay." Was all he could think so say. Lucas kept on.
"But listen, Dan's doctor was talking about sending him back to North Carolina in the next couple of days, since he's stopped treatment. She think it'd be a good idea for him to be with his hospice nurse and with Dr. Thorton. And with you."
Nathan swallowed what felt like guilt. "Are they sure that's a good idea if he's so weak?"
"They seem sure. Would you be able to pick him up when he gets down there?"
Nathan tried to stop his voice was shaking, and followed his brother's example like he had so many other times. "Yeah, yeah. New Brunswick right?"
"I'm assuming so. They want to send him back tomorrow morning, or sometime in the early afternoon. Before that I'm probably going to need to fill out some kind of paperwork, so if I notice any changes I'll call you."
"Okay. Even they want to get rid of him, huh?" Nathan let out a chuckle, but there was no humor.
Lucas chuckled too for his brother's sake. A moment without words passed.
"Even if I'm in New York, that doesn't matter, I'm here for you man."
Nathan nodded, although nobody saw it. "Take it easy, don't start crying." He heard Lucas laugh.
"I'll take that as your thank you."
Nathan smiled and took a breath. "Well, I should get going. I promised Jamie I'd take him to the River Court."
"Wish I could be there. Tell Jamie I miss him and that he better be working on his jump shot."
Nathan grinned. Lucas would be surprised when he saw how much Jamie had grown. "Tell Ella I can't wait to see her. We miss her like crazy."
"She misses you all too. We'll be back, don't you worry."
"Hurry it up will you?"
"We're trying. Give my love to Haley."
Nathan almost grinned. "Dude, she's going to be so pissed that she missed your call." His smile faltered however. He knew that the call was meant for him.
"I'll have to catch her later on."
"I would definitely advise that."
It was then that the two brothers finally bid farewell, but not before Lucas said one last thing. "Hey, Nate…"
Nathan cut him off. As casual as he was trying to seem, he wasn't sure if he could handle a sentimental I love you, little brother. "I know." He said, trying to keep his voice firm. "You too."
There was a click on the other end of the line, and Lucas was gone, leaving Nathan dejected, in his own kitchen. He slammed the cell phone down, his eyes lined with tears. As quickly as they'd shown up, Nathan tried to get rid of them, wiping under his eyes and pinching the bride of his nose, and just taking a deep breath.
Right then, Haley nearly ran into the kitchen. "I know I said I was going to be at the studio but it's just so damn hard for me to leave Matthew. He's finally asleep, and I'm going now, I promise." In her rant she hadn't noticed the look on her husband's face. She walked a little closer, her eyes full of concern. "Nathan? What's wrong?"
Nathan cleared his throat, figuring out the best way to approach telling his wife that his father nearly died. "Lucas just called. Dan's in the hospital."
Haley blinked, taken aback to who knows where. "What, in New York?" she was almost speechless at Nathan's nod. "What happened?"
"He collapsed and went into cardiac arrest," right then Nathan's voice got so small, so heartbreaking and small that Haley just wanted to hug him.
"My God, Nathan," Haley breathed, walking quickly over to him. She put a soft hand on his shoulder. "Is he alright?" she held her breath with her hand over her heart.
"They had to give him CPR but he's alright. They're keeping him overnight there."
Haley watched him. His gaze was fixed on the fingers he was ringing together. She bent down and hugged him, wrapping her arms around his broad shoulders and kissing his cheek. "I'm so sorry baby," she said. Nathan timidly put his hands over hers, trying so hard to let her embrace comfort him like it so often did at other times. But it seemed, as Nathan gently stood up, that this time wasn't one of them.
"I promised Clay I'd meet up with him for a workout," Nathan said, clearing his throat and putting distance between himself and Haley.
Haley looked into her husband's eyes. He was hurting, and she knew it. He was lying, and she knew it. "Nathan…"
Their moment was interrupted by a young voice. "Dad, can we please go now?" It was Jamie, who stood in the doorway of the kitchen, his sneakers already laced, a basketball already glued to his hip. His blue eyes shined bright with anticipation. "We still have to get Chuck and Andre."
Haley looked back to Nathan, who looked like he'd been caught in a lie. And he had. He'd completely forgotten about his promise to his son, and that made him feel even worse. Luckily, Haley caught on pretty quick. "Don't worry, I'm taking you!" she grinned wide and tried to show excitement, but Jamie only looked at her with a perplexed expression.
"What?" Jamie complained.
"That's right, your father's got some things he has to take care of. Get ready and I'll meet you at the car babe." Haley said, and as quickly as she walked into that kitchen, she left it, knowing fully well Nathan would have to give some explanation to his son like he deserved it.
"Dad, I thought we were gonna go!" Jamie admonished. "Mom sucks at basketball. Ella is better than her!"
Nathan tried not to laugh, and he supposed it was his son cheering him up without even realizing it. "Oh, come on. You'll have a great time."
Jamie sighed. He supposed he could just hang with Chuck and Andre. But it wasn't going to be the same. "I just thought it could be you and me," he said sadly, and looked down to his shoes.
Nathan's gaze became soft, and he felt even worse for ditching on his son. But he just…his heart wasn't in it. And he just couldn't. Not today. He put his hand on Jamie's shoulder. "Hey buddy," he said, softly until his son looked up at him. "I'm really sorry, I'm just caught in the middle of something. Tell you what, later on tonight we can play all the play station you want."
Jamie smiled slightly, and Nathan considered the conversation a success. "Okay."
"Alright," Nathan put on his best grin and ruffled Jamie's hair. "Go ahead and have fun with your friends. Show them how it's done."
Jamie grinned and laughed as he walked out of the kitchen. "I will," he promised over his shoulder.
Nathan smiled until he heard the car's engine start up, and as Haley pulled out of the driveway, Nathan turned and looked back at the cellphone, and then back up to the blue sky from out of his backyard door. He stared outside for a moment, and suddenly the bright blue sky, and the shining sun didn't feel so beautiful anymore.
-x-x-x-x-x-x-
Lucas hung up his cellphone and took a deep breath, thankful for Peyton's gentle touch as she ran her hand along his back. "Well, that's over," he said, his voice filled with equal regret and sadness. He looks to Peyton and answers her unvoiced question. "I'm worried about him."
Peyton ran her fingers absentmindedly through Lucas' short blonde hair. One of the things she loved most about him was surely his protective nature masked by sensitivity. "I'm worried about you," she admitted.
Lucas looked at her, his deep blue eyes reaching her soul. "I'll be alright." He moved closer to her and urged her to lean against him. When she did, he put his hand on her shoulder and leaned in close, smelling the shampoo in her hair.
"So you're gonna stay overnight then?" she asked softly, relishing in that way he held her.
"I think it's best. I promised Nathan."
Peyton just looked up at him, looked at him as he looked at their entwined fingers and their wedding bands, the wedding bands they gave each other when they vowed to love each other forever. For Peyton, right at that second when she looked at the man who had her heart, who had such grace….forever was right then. "I love you."
Lucas smiled softly. "I love you too."
-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-
"This is crazy," Karen revealed to Andy in the kitchen as they prepared dinner together. She tried to focus on the task but in all honesty she felt all over the place.
Andy nodded, his hand on Karen's back. "I know."
Karen couldn't take not knowing what was going on. She was usually the one who knew everything, and she hadn't heard anything from Lucas since he left for the hospital hours ago. "Do you think he's going to be alright?"
Andy sighed. He hated these types of questions, because he had no idea how to answer them. "I wish I knew."
Back in the living room, Jullian, Brooke, and Ella were watching a movie from Jullian's collection. It was something Ella hadn't seen yet, but Jullian insisted- it was Castle in the Sky, from one of his favorite directors of anime films, Hayao Miyazaki. Karen for one had praised Jullian's idea after she heard of Ella's outburst while she was gone, and especially after Karen's efforts to get Ella back asleep were futile. The little girl refused, saying she wasn't tired. But the adults knew better. It was because Peyton wasn't the one putting her to sleep.
At a particularly slow moment in the film, Ella turned her gaze to the front window and noticed that it was getting dark out. It was getting dark out and her mother was still not home. She felt her stomach twist in worry. She tapped her Aunt Brooke's arm. "Where's my Mommy?" she asked quietly.
Brooke swallowed. She knew telling Ella "Mommy will be back soon" wouldn't work now. So what was she meant to say?
Thankfully, and because timing was wonderful sometimes, the faint sounds of a key being turned in the lock had captured everyone's attention. Ella held her breath, and she only relaxed when she saw her mom walking through the door. So did Brooke.
"Hey," Peyton greeted the room softly, smiling when she saw Ella seemed OK on the couch bed with Brooke laying by her side. When Ella's eyes lit up when she saw her, Peyton felt something warm in her heart.
"Mommy!"
Brooke couldn't help but smile at the sight. Those two were just remarkable. She'd be lucky if she had that with Natalie someday, and she promised herself she would. "See, there's Mommy," Brooke gestured. "She was worried," she told Peyton.
Peyton's face became somber. "Why?" she asked gently as she slipped off her heels and sat next to her daughter on the couch bed and giving her a hug for she had missed her so.
Ella gratefully leaned into her mother's embrace, remembering her scent. "Because I woke up and you weren't here," Ella said sadly, and just the memory of it almost made her start crying again.
Peyton's heart sank. She wasn't meant to wake up. Not without her there. "Aw sweetheart," Peyton said softly, stroking Ella's golden hair. She noticed her puffy eyes and red cheeks and realized she'd been crying. She gave her girl a kiss to make her feel better. "I'm sorry," she said honestly. Right then and there she made up her mind: no leaving her baby girl again. "I'm here now."
Brooke couldn't help but interject. "We're glad, Ella was so sad she didn't even want ice cream."
Peyton raised her eyebrows. She ran a finger along Ella's chin when she noticed Ella bowed her head down with a little knowing smile. "What! Really?" her question was soft and humble-like.
"Really," Brooke confirmed. "Karen even tried it."
At the mention of her mother in law, Peyton's look became serious. Is she okay was what she mouthed to her best friend. When Brooke honestly shook her head no, Peyton thought it best to go back to the kitchen, promising Ella she'd be right back. She honestly hoped to God she didn't just traumatize her.
Karen was also relieved when she saw Peyton. "I'm glad your back," she said softly. "Lucas still there?" With Brooke now in the kitchen, all the adults spoke in hushed tones.
Peyton nodded. "He thought it best to stay the night. The doctors thought it best to send Dan back to North Carolina, and Nathan's going to get him."
Karen took a breath. "That doesn't sound good. How does he look?"
"He's really weak. When he saw Lucas he could barely talk with him."
Karen sighed. "What a mess." She had really no clue what to do, and she knew nobody else did either. Expect wait, but what a cliché answer that was.
-x-x-x-x-x-x-
Dinner was a quiet affair, and soon Peyton and Brooke were back in the kitchen. Karen was exhausted and retired early, Andy was on a phone call, and Jullian promised Ella they'd finish what was left of the film before Ella had to get to bed. Peyton looked in the living room when she heard her laugh. "How was she really?" Peyton asked her friend.
Brooke took a deep breath. She could be nothing but honest, even if it would hurt. "About 30 minutes after you left, Ella woke up and was in pain."
Peyton's heart sank again and she clutched her chest. "A lot of pain?"
Brooke swallowed. "Yeah."
Peyton sighed. She was already counting down the days until this was over. "My baby," she lamented. She'd do anything to stop the damn pain, but regardless it kept coming back and it was killing her. Ella was suffering, and it was hurting her. "I'm suffering too," she said softly, in a moment of pure brutal honesty.
As she looked into Peyton's eyes, Brooke couldn't doubt it even for a second. Her best friend was probably going through one of the toughest times of her life, enduring the pain with her daughter hand in hand. The heartbreak was enough for Brooke to walk over and hug the woman who was her sister so tight. "I love you, best friend."
"I love you too," Peyton whispered as she let a tear roll down her cheek.
-x-x-x-x-x-
Peyton approached Ella quietly, holding a bowl in her hand. She sat down next to her and saw her smile. Her mother was holding a bowl of chocolate ice cream. "Oh, now you want some," Peyton teased lightly. Regardless, she held up the silver spoon and let Ella take a bite. Peyton laughed warmly when she saw how much chocolate got on her face already. "Look at you," she said, and she sweetly rubbed Ella's bottom lip with her thumb to get rid of the ice cream. "You've even got some on your nose!" she kissed the chocolate away and it made her so happy to hear Ella laugh. She couldn't help but kiss her little cheek over and over again.
Brooke stormed in from the kitchen after watching the sweet scene of Peyton feeding her baby girl, their quiet laughter making her think of Natalie and how much she missed her own baby. "What is this?" she asked playfully, gesturing to the pair. "I offered you ice cream and you didn't want any, but Mommy offers you some and you want it?" she was only joking, and shook her head when Ella looked bashful. "I see how it is."
Peyton couldn't help but smile. "She's jealous," she whispered to Ella.
"I love you Aunt Brooke!" Ella exclaimed in her cutest voice, looking up from the couch.
Brooke narrowed her eyes. She couldn't resist. "I love you too, silly." She walked over to the other side of the couch bed and plopped down next to Ella. "What's this movie about anyway?"
-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-
I miss you was the text Peyton received from Lucas an hour later. The movie had finished, and as soon as it did Peyton liked the idea of having Ella sleep upstairs with her. With the help of Andy and Jullian, Ella was carried upstairs and placed gently on the bed beside Peyton. The streets were quiet after the long day, and the only light came from the front windows as it streamed to illuminate Ella's beautiful face, her green eyes glowing.
Peyton texted Lucas back quickly, saying she missed him too and she loved him, before facing her little girl and taking her hand. "Did you have a nice day today?" she couldn't help but ask softly, running a thumb over Ella's cheek, and her nose.
"Yeah," Ella replied. Her eyes lit up once more. "Hey, do you think Grandpa Dan liked my card?"
She asked the question so innocently, Peyton hurt for her. She didn't want to think right then how hard it was going to be to tell Ella about Dan. "I'm sure he did baby," she whispered, kissing Ella's little hand, at the same time wishing her pain away. "You know I'd never leave you right?"
Ella let out a little smile. "Yeah. I just got sad because you took a while to come back home."
"I don't want you to be sad," Peyton said gently. "You've gotta be my brave girl." Peyton saw that Ella was getting tired, so she said one more thing. "I love you, and I'll always come back no matter what."
"I love you too Mommy," Ella whispered back, and she let Peyton nuzzle her nose against her own until she giggled.
"Sweet dreams baby. I'm right here okay?" Peyton whispered softly, and watched as Ella closed her eyes, settling into a true moment of peace Peyton would forever hold dear.
It was in her mother's arms that Ella finally fell into a dream filled sleep.
-x-x-x-x-x-x-
Peyton's a great mom, isn't she? :)