Chapter Twenty Five: In Memoriam
Ametatsu hurried through the streets of Seireitei, his breath coming in ever-more ragged gasps. Behind him he could feel the flickering reiatsu of his pursuers, and he swallowed hard, tears blurring his vision as he made for the one place which he had always felt safe.
As he rounded the corner, the reassuring black on white of the 13-Bantai squad building loomed ahead of him and he charged towards it, ignoring the exclamations of the startled squad Shinigami that blocked his path.
"Shizuki…taichou?" One of them called his name and for a moment he faltered, fingers hovering over the hilt of Hassuiryou as for a split second his frantic brain instructed him to draw his weapon.
"Stop him! Someone, surround him!" The voice of the squad's third seat rang out, and despite their confusion, several of the others pulled their weapons from their sheaths, advancing on Ametatsu with clear apprehension in their gazes.
Panic seared in Ametatsu's heart as he realised that Hell Butterflies had been here before him, and that the word had spread even so far as this of events in the Real World. He pulled Hassuiryou from its scabbard, waving it menacingly in the direction of the advancing juniors as the edges began to shimmer and ripple like raindrops falling against a glass window
"Stay away from me!" He exclaimed, fear and anger mingling in his eyes. "Stay back, or I'll slit your throats too! I want to see the Captain! I want to see Ukitake-taichou!"
"Stand back, you bastard!" 13-Bantai's third seat pushed to the front of the fray, his own sabre-like weapon drawn before him as he faced the near-hysterical Captain down. "We know what you did to Shihouin-taichou, in the Real World. We know about it all. Do you think we're going to stand back an' let you do the same to our Captain? Not a chance. You want to fight? I'll be your opponent."
"Do you want me to kill you too?" Hassuiryou's blade glittered with shards of light as Shizuki threw caution to the wind, preparing to release his weapon at it's fullest level, and clouds began to gather overhead, at first just vague wisps but in a matter of seconds dark enough to be true storm clouds, loaded as they were with rain-like shards of polished metal. "A kid who hasn't even mastered Bankai yet? Don't be stupid. I want Ukitake. Ukitake, do you hear me? I'll kill anyone who gets in my way – step back before I kill you all too!"
"I already told you, you're not going to hurt the Captain!" The third seat stood his ground, and Shizuki's eyes narrowed, his grip tightening on the weapon in his hand. As he shifted his pose, several of the juniors who had served under him took a step back, and an anxious whisper began to slip between them as they realised the seriousness of his intentions.
"He's going to release the rain dragon." One man hissed fearfully to his companion. "He's goin' to go into friggin' Bankai – we're all goin' to be drowned if we stay here!"
"Stand firm and defend the Captain." The third seat said frankly. "This squad ain't a place for cowards."
He glared at Ametatsu coldly.
"That it would come to this, Shizuki-taichou." He murmured. "When so many people in Soul Society thought such a damn lot of you, too. Do you realise how much shit you've brought on us all? You're from Rukongai – like me, like others among us. Now people're goin' to think that Rukongai kids make unstable captains. That we're not good enough, after all, for the top ranks of office. That we go around goddamn slayin' other Captains, dammit! What the hell do you think you were doing?"
"Step aside." Shizuki's eyes glittered with reckless rage. "Before I show you the full might of Hassuiryou's power."
He raised the sword high above his head, the tip of the sleek, long blade glowing with a bright golden light as he drew on the remaining scraps of his shattered reiatsu. Before he could release it fully, however, the door of the squad building slid back, and the familiar form of the 13-Bantai captain stepped out into the melee.
At the sight of their superior officer, the scattered Shinigami seemed to gain their wits, and Ametatsu froze, raising his gaze to meet the confused brown eyes of the man who had trained him.
"What's this all about, Shizuki?" The voice was calm and reassuring, just as it had always been, and to the wrenched Ametatsu it was the last straw that broke his composure. With a stifled sob he sank to his knees, releasing his grip on Hassuiryou which dropped to the floor with a harmless clatter. In an instant, the squad members surrounded him, but Ukitake held up his hands, gesturing for them to step aside.
"What have you done, boy?" He asked softly, and Ametatsu raised his gaze to the man he had looked up to for so long, unable to form words as he interpreted the concern in the older man's eyes.
He swallowed hard, tears still streaming down his cheeks, and Ukitake sighed, bending to pick up the discarded blade.
"I think we should talk." He murmured, and at this, the third seat let out a surprised exclamation.
"But…Taichou, you heard the message! You heard…what he did…in the Real World?"
"Yes, Kuraki. I heard."
"Shouldn't we be locking him in a cell, then? And sending to the Sou Taichou…?"
"I will speak to Yamamoto Sou Taichou myself, once I have established exactly what happened between Shizuki and Shihouin-taichou." Ukitake gestured to Ametatsu to get to his feet. "You needn't look so anxious, Kuraki. I am a Captain too, after all. I trained him, and I know his strengths and his weaknesses. He will not get the better of me – and I cannot simply lock away someone who looks at me with a face like this."
"But Taichou…"
"That was an order, Kuraki." Ukitake did not raise his voice, but Kuraki faltered, then bowed his head in acknowledgement of his Captain's commands.
"Yes, sir."
"When the members of 2-Bantai arrive, tell them that I have taken Shizuki into my custody, and that I will be handling the matter directly with the Sou Taichou." Ukitake continued, even as Ametatsu got shakily to his feet. "Tell them that this instruction is absolute, and that in the absence of their own Captain, I will ensure that everything is done according to procedure. Also, send someone to 10-Bantai's quarters. Ensure they know that their Captain is in our custody – and that they should not attempt to either rescue or appropriate him until I have spoken to the Sou Taichou and established what we are supposed to do."
He cast the pitiful Captain a glance, then,
"I do not think he intends to fight with me." He added simply. "I believe it will be quite all right for us to just talk."
With that, the members of the squad melted back into the shadows, Kuraki hesitating for a moment, then following suit as he barked out instructions for one of the smallest and weakest members of the group to run to 10-Bantai's offices. Thus left alone, Ametatsu swallowed hard, staring at Ukitake in confusion.
"You…want to talk to me?" At length he found the words. Ukitake nodded, taking his former Vice Captain by the arm and leading him carefully inside the Squad building and further into the Captain's office. Once there, he ushered the shaken man into an empty seat, taking his own with a heavy sigh. It was in that instant that Ametatsu registered that beneath the white haori his former Captain was dressed in loose robes, rather than his usual black hakama. With a jolt he realised that Ukitake was once more in poor health, and that, in fact, he had been in the midst of one of his frequent attacks.
"The Hell Butterflies brought the word from Kuchiki Ginrei about what happened in the Real World." Ukitake spoke quietly, his words faintly hoarse yet somehow soothing to Ametatsu's wrenched spirits. "But I'd like to hear it from you, if you're able to tell me. Why did you come here, of all places, Shizuki? Your haori's stained with blood, and you're half out of your wits. Why come here, of all places, when you could so easily have fled?"
Ametatsu swallowed hard, reaching up to brush away his tears.
"I didn't come here to attack you." He said unevenly. "I wouldn't turn Hassuiryou on you, Taichou, no matter what happens. You know that, don't you? You taught me everything…I owe you too much. No matter what…I wouldn't turn Hassuiryou's blade against you."
"I know that." Ukitake sat back in his seat. "But even so, I don't believe Kuchiki's words to be falsehoods. You did turn your blade against one Captain, didn't you? Against Shihouin Hirohito, in the Real World."
Ametatsu dropped his gaze, his body still shaking with the force of his emotion.
"I did." He said flatly. "I fought him and I killed him, just as you heard."
"Why would you do something so reckless as that?" Ukitake asked gently. "Shihouin was your ally. Why did you turn on him in such a way?"
Ametatsu's lips trembled as he forced himself to voice the word.
"N…Niji."
"Niji?" Ukitake looked bewildered. "What do you mean?"
"Ishida Niji was a Quincy. A Quincy who believed in peace between us and them." Ametatsu's tears welled once more in his eyes as he relived the stabbing, agonising pain he had felt as he had cradled her dying body in his arms. "She believed in us – trusted us – yet because she was a Quincy, she was killed."
His eyes narrowed.
"Shihouin-taichou was the one who gave the order." He muttered. "His special forces acted without taking into account all of Central 46's instructions. He had them indiscriminately murdered, Taichou. No matter what their intentions or their thoughts. He decided it would be better to kill them all."
Ukitake looked surprised, then he sighed.
"I see." He said heavily. "So Shihouin decided, did he, that all of the Quincy posed a threat to us and the balance of the two worlds we protect?"
"He decided it. He did, not the tribunal." Ametatsu's eyes glittered with anger once more. "He said it – that they were all potentially destroyers in disguise – that their clan was nothing more than an aberration and that it should be removed. So he ordered his people to move. And they did."
"I heard a report, however, that the Quincy had launched a full scale rebellion against the tribunal, and had attacked several Hollows in a short space of time, drawing them into the town using their unique skills and creating trouble not only there but also here." Ukitake said gravely. "Districts in Rukongai have suffered badly throughout this – as a Rukongai boy, Shizuki, I would've thought you'd be worried about that."
"But not all of the Quincy were involved in that." Ametatsu raised his hopeless gaze to his former mentor's. "Ukitake-taichou, the Ishida clan were on our side. They kept out of it and didn't join in when the others were sending bait up into the atmosphere and drawing the Hollows in. They submitted their weapons to us in good faith because they believed..."
He swallowed hard, as his voice threatened to give way to his emotion, and Ukitake did not speak, giving him time to compose himself.
"They…some of them…were even hurt because of it." He continued slowly. "And they came to us for…for…for help. But instead of helping them, Shihouin-taichou…"
He faltered, unable to go any further, and Ukitake's gaze clouded.
"I see." He murmured. "Shihouin decided it was a good opportunity to carry out Central 46's command, and decided not to discriminate between clans who were revolting and those who were not. Correct?"
"Yes."
Ametatsu's response was no more than a whisper, and Ukitake rubbed his temples, looking tired.
"And this Niji girl…?"
Ametatsu swallowed hard, and Ukitake sighed.
"You loved her, didn't you?" He asked quietly, and Ametatsu slowly nodded his head.
"So you took it into your own hands, because of that, to turn on Shihouin and attack him?"
Ametatsu nodded again.
Ukitake frowned.
"You do realise that this can't just go by the wayside." He said sadly. "If you'd reported it to Seireitei – even if you'd consulted Kuchiki and asked for his help…that might have changed things. But as things stand…"
"I didn't want to involve Kuchiki-taichou." Ametatsu said unsteadily. "He didn't want to kill the Quincy except by the orders Central 46 set down – he wasn't involved in the massacre. It was the Special Operations Forces, and Shihouin-taichou that took things into their own hands. It was only them…only them…for Niji's sake…"
He closed his eyes.
"Central 46 said there would be harsh penalties on the souls of those who contravened Soul Society's rules and were executed accordingly." He whispered. "Niji was…she shouldn't have been…and even now, she's still…because of Shihouin-taichou and his stuck up ideas of what was right and wrong!"
"I don't believe I have ever seen you in such a state." Ukitake observed gravely, and Ametatsu sighed, drawing a shuddery breath into his body as he fought to calm himself down.
"I don't think I've ever felt so many things all at once." He murmured. "I know what I've done. I know that it's unforgivable to have done it…even though the fight was even and fair and he fought to take my life as much as I did his. I knew that when I did it, Taichou. There's no excusing it…I knew I was going to kill him before I did."
Ukitake frowned, shaking his head.
"Saying such things will not help you now." He said softly. "Telling Central 46 that you knowingly slit the throat of a senior Captain of long standing…or that you took the law into your own hands quite deliberately – Shizuki, such things…"
"I know." Ametatsu nodded. "But either way, it's the truth."
He smiled sadly, tears still glittering on his lashes.
"Niji would have been so cross, if she'd known what I'd done." He added regretfully. "She would never have asked me to kill in her name. But I had to do it, Taichou. It was my vengeance to take. Whatever happens now. I'm not proud of what I did – I know that I betrayed every value instilled in me when I took the haori. I've let down and shamed 10-Bantai and I've no doubt disappointed you, too. You didn't train me to act like that, after all. But even so…even so…"
"You felt you had no choice?"
"No…I made the choice." Ametatsu shook his head. "It's no use, Taichou. You can't find a way to shield me – I didn't come here for that reason, in any case. I don't want to get you involved in my mess. It's not like that at all. But…"
He faltered, and Ukitake frowned, rubbing his temples.
"Representatives of the Sou Taichou will be here shortly, I have no doubt." He said slowly. "If all those things are true, why did you come to me, Shizuki? In these circumstances, knowing and freely admitting what you've done...and against one of the noble clans..."
Ametatsu bit his lip, then,
"I will be executed." He said softly, as a sudden sense of calm and resignation overtook his battle-weary body. "And it's all right, Taichou. I don't care about that. If Shihouin had killed me, so be it. I went at him recklessly, true, but deliberately. In the end I killed him because I didn't care if he took me down. I came back here because I have nowhere else to go, and no purpose in being in the Real World now Niji is gone. It hurts. It hurts more than anything else…I didn't come back here to escape. I know that if you cross one of the great noble clans, there is no escape. Besides, what I've done is already unredeemable. I didn't come looking for Soul Society's mercy. I came back here to die."
He smiled sadly.
"But I wanted to see you first." He murmured. "You trained me. I felt…I at least owed you…an apology for letting you down."
"Shizuki…"
"That's all I came to say." Ametatsu got slowly to his feet. "We won't speak again, and I won't stay here any longer. People will think you're complicit in my crimes, if I do – I won't let that happen, either."
"Wait, where are you going?" Ukitake was alert immediately, but Ametatsu was too quick, scooping up the hilt of his abandoned sword and sliding it back into its normal resting place at his right side.
"To see the Sou Taichou, just like you said." He said simply. "I can't walk away from this. I won't, either. I'm going to see him – and do what I have to do."
"Shizuki, hang on!" Ukitake's expression became one of alarm, but as he tried to grab his companion, he stumbled, dropping to the floor as his thin frame was wracked by a violent fit of coughing.
"I'm sorry to have come when you were unwell, but I'm glad it means you can't stop me." Ametatsu's gaze was melancholy as he looked back at the man with whom he had had so many years happy training. "I'm sorry, Taichou. Please, don't judge all of Rukongai's people by me. I'm sure there are others, after all, who'll be much better Captains one day than I've been."
With that he was gone, slipping into shunpo as he set his sights on the 1-Bantai headquarters. Behind him, he could feel the flickers of Ukitake's fluctuating reiatsu, and he knew that his former Captain, despite his poor health, was struggling to follow.
But it was too late. Ametatsu's hand closed purposefully around the hilt of his sword, as he reached his destination, preparing himself for what he was going to do.
"To end this, here and now." He muttered, pulling the torn, blood-stained haori from off his back and tossing it with disdain into one of the many furnaces that marked the entrance to the Captain's Chamber within. For a moment he watched it burn, as the flames licked high against the white fabric, slowly obscuring the distinctive black cross that marked out his squad number as it did so.
"I'm sorry, Niji. I couldn't protect you. But I did what I had to do, and I can't go back. It's over for both of us, now. This is the end…it's time to face my justice."
Uryuu opened his eyes, letting out a heavy sigh as he gazed out across the landscape beyond 13-Bantai. The vivid nature of Shizuki's memory and emotions still lingered in his brain, but this time he did not find himself afraid of them. On the contrary, for the first time, he began to feel a connection to this strange ghost who had been haunting his life for the past few weeks. Instead of anger and frustration, he felt only a sense of great sadness.
The dragon had tried to tell him, after all, about the way Ametatsu had felt that day. Yet Uryuu knew that he had deliberately not wanted to listen. Instead of embracing the severed aspects of his soul's past, he had fought to keep up his barriers...and had almost paid the same price as his predecessor.
"Byakuya-san would have killed me, and I wouldn't have blamed him." He reflected. "I don't remember most of the battle - just fleeting emotions and sensations - but I can tell by the way my body feels now that I was lucky Ukitake-san came to my rescue when he did. More, that he prevented me from doing anything else I might regret. I hurt Kuchiki-san, after all. I could've hurt more than that. And I could have lost my life. All because I didn't listen to the warnings...I almost repeated history. Kurotsuchi may have manipulated me - but I let him. If I'd really been strong enough...it wouldn't have happened that way."
He turned on his heel, heading slowly across the planking towards the small chamber where he knew the blue-guarded sword had been shut away. Since they had come to 13-Bantai, everything had seemed to fall into a confusing sort of normality. Ukitake had not insisted on the weapon being sealed or locked in the chamber, nor had he instructed Uryuu to keep away from it, and for this fact the Quincy had been strangely grateful. In fact, when Uryuu had asked to keep guard over the weapon himself until matters could be properly settled in the morning, Ukitake had readily agreed.
"Perhaps you can learn from each other, after all." He had said, in such a way that Uryuu knew that the old squad Captain understood far better the fluctuating connection between them. "And in the end, I'm sure that's what Shizuki would have hoped for, too."
Although Ichigo and Orihime had both expressed concern about him being in proximity to it, Uryuu himself had no fear. In the confrontation with Byakuya, and Ukitake's subsequent interference, a bridge had been formed between him and the confused psyche of the dead Captain who had once been in command of his soul. And somehow Uryuu knew that, come what may, he would not lose control again.
After all, it had all been in his hands. It had always been that way. His soul, his power, his strength. His decisions that had guided the battle forward or backwards. The sword had never been the dangerous one - it had only been a tool in the hands of one too stubborn to learn how to hold it. The true danger had been inside of him - his own doubts, his own resentments, and most of all, his own refusal to listen to advice. And now that he had a chance to reflect on it, processing it in his meticulous, careful way, he remembered what the dragon had said.
The only one preventing you from doing anything is you, Uryuu.
"Although it's one hell of a way to make someone learn a lesson, I guess I take the point." Uryuu murmured out loud. "And it isn't just now, either, is it? You didn't mean just rescuing Inoue-san from Kurotsuchi's clutches. You meant before, when I fought and lost my powers, too."
A wry smile touched his lips.
"Maybe it's a shame, after all, that Quincy can't communicate with their bows. Perhaps I'd have benefited from it in that battle, if there'd been someone else there to help guide me."
He pushed open the door of the spare squad bed-chamber, crossing the floor to the table across which the discarded blade lay, dormant and deceptively ordinary looking in the dim twilight that filtered into the chamber through the small slatted windows to his right. For a moment he gazed down at the glittering blade, a pensive look in his indigo eyes as he took in the sleek, smooth form of Ametatsu's long since abandoned zanpakutou. Despite the fact he knew it had belonged to someone else, somehow he also knew it was a part of him – and that, all along, the dragon truly had been right.
"I guess this is what I get for not listening to you, huh?" He murmured, eying the bruises on his arms ruefully as he did so. "I ache all over, and feel like something trampled me into the dust. Are you happy now? You proved your point."
There was no answer, and despite himself, Uryuu felt faintly disappointed. Shizuki had drawn back of his own accord, even if his memories and emotions were more vivid in Uryuu's own mind than they had been before, and yet the blade remained silent, as though the barrier between them had doubled on account of that fight.
Was the sword angry with him, then? Had he closed himself off deliberately, because in the end, Uryuu had not managed to prevent the past flooding into the present?
He sighed, turning his back on the weapon and moving across to the window, a faint smile touching his lips as he watched Kiyone and Sentarou squabbling over who would do the squad chores more quickly. 13-Bantai was a completely different place to 6-Bantai, he reflected. Yet somehow he felt more comfortable here than he had done in Byakuya's stiffly regimented squad buildings, and deep down he wondered if Ametatsu's own nostalgia and affection for the place had touched his thoughts.
"Though I'm not a Shinigami. I'm a Quincy." He said aloud. "Even a Quincy without any powers. That's what I was born and it's what I am. I'm sorry, Hassuiryou. I can't change that, not even if you want me to. I can't be that kind of fighter. It's not the way I'm built."
Noone is asking you to become something you're not, Uryuu.
The voice startled him and he let out a yell, almost falling backwards onto the makeshift pallet bed as he saw the glittering golden orbs suddenly staring at him from the shining surface of the window glass.
There was the faint sound of chuckling, then,
I suppose I startled you again. My apologies. Although it is amusing, watching how you react.
"You could've answered me before, when I actually came to speak to you." Uryuu gathered his wits, turning to shoot the sword a venomous glare. "Instead of…hey! Wait a minute, what…you're glowing. Why are you glowing? What's happening?"
In order for a blade to speak directly to its commander, the sword must be released. You really do not know much, do you, Uryuu, where zanpakutou are concerned?
"Well, I'm a Quincy." Uryuu frowned. "There's no need to be mocking. I thought we established that. I'm not your commander. And I don't fight with a sword."
Perhaps not yet. But one day, maybe, you'll change your tune.
"I doubt it." Uryuu shook his head. "Even if I was a Shinigami in a life once before. This is how I am now…and I'm not going to change. Not even to suit you, Hassuiryou. Not even to fight alongside you. It's just not who I am…it's not who I was raised to be."
His gaze softened, as he moved to gently pick up the weapon in his grasp.
"My grandfather taught me everything I know." He added wistfully. "He taught me to be a proper Quincy, with the right values and strengths to protect and defend. I won't turn my back on those things, no matter what. I intend to make him proud. If I am the last of the Quincy…I intend to make sure that my clan goes out on a high note."
There was a moment of silence, then Uryuu thought he heard the swish of a long tail, and he turned, almost dropping the weapon in surprise as he made out the ghostly outline of the dragon himself stood watching him.
Those values and emotions do exist inside of you, then. I'm glad, Uryuu. I had hoped that they did…but I could not be sure.
"I get it." Uryuu frowned. "Now you're not sealed in that vault any more, you can talk to me properly…right? That's what this is about. That's what Kurosaki and Abarai meant. About seeing your spirit form…it's this, isn't it?"
You can only see me this way because Ametatsu mastered Bankai, and you still have his recollections.
The dragon responded.
And I am only speaking to you now because, at last, you called me by my name.
"Your name…?" Uryuu's eyes widened, and then he smiled ruefully. "So that's what you meant. About the barrier between us. That I wouldn't hear you or call you by your name. Names are important to zanpakutou, aren't they? Well, they're important to everyone, so I should have realised. I've been calling you – thinking of you – just as 'the dragon'. That's why you didn't answer me when I first spoke to you. But when I used your name, you replied. I owe you an apology, Hassuiryou. I won't call you that way again."
I'm glad that you understand.
There was a faint note of wistfulness in the dragon's tones, then,
You are correct, of course. I am not your weapon and you will not fight alongside me – at least, not once Ametatsu's memories are once more laid to rest. I was his blade. I fought for him. You are different…it's not the same at all.
"I guess not."
You sound almost disappointed.
"No." Uryuu shook his head. "I'm just no closer to getting my bow back, that's all. And if I relinquish you too…I really will be useless come the Winter, won't I?"
That depends on whether you take to heart the things I have tried to teach you.
The dragon swished his tail pensively, and Uryuu sat down on his bed, casting his companion a quizzical look.
"You're doing it again, with the random rhetoric." He warned. "Can you be a bit more clear this time on what exactly you mean? It's hard to figure out, otherwise - and you're making my head ache."
There is no use blaming me for that. I come from within your soul, after all. A complicated person spawns a complicated zanpakutou - there is no use regretting that fact now.
"And I already told you you belong to him, not to me." Uryuu was unmoved. "So let's quit it with the word games, shall we? Do you know a way that I can get my Quincy powers back, or don't you?"
Of course not. I'm a zanpakutou. I have nothing to do with the Quincy way of training.
"Then why did you say..."
I have no idea how a Quincy might unseal his locked away reiryoku.
Hassuiryou's tones were unrepentant.
But I do know that you have tremendous potential inside of you, Uryuu. Even though Ametatsu's reiryoku was sealed away - and even though you fought a foolish battle you did not understand...it is not the end. I cannot tell you how, or even tell you if you will find a way to recover what you have lost. All I can tell you is that the potential to do so is there inside of you. If it was not, none of this could ever have occurred. Do you understand? You are not a weak fighter. Your weakness is in your mental approach to that fight.
"I'd already clocked round to that way of thinking myself." Uryuu acknowledged. "You're saying that I broke my own power through recklessness, aren't you?"
I don't think you need me to tell you that.
"Because I fought without knowing what I was protecting." Uryuu glanced at his hands. "Grandfather told me that I would one day fight a battle in which the odds were against me, to protect something important to me. But I fought the battle without knowing that. I thought perhaps I was avenging him, but I don't think...I don't think Grandpa would want to be avenged that way. He wasn't that kind of person, after all. He didn't believe in revenge or violence. He believed in using what we could do to help. Not to harm."
And so? You went against his teachings and you paid the price? Do you regret, then, that fight with Kurotsuchi Mayuri?
"Regret it?" Uryuu sighed. "No. If I hadn't have fought him then, he would've captured Inoue-san and taken her prisoner in his lab while he ran all kinds of horrible tests on her. So in the end, there wasn't another option. Just, if I'd understood better, maybe..."
I've said it before, but you really are a silly boy.
"Huh?" Uryuu glanced up indignantly. "Why are you insulting me now? I thought we'd got beyond that point, Hassuiryou! Why..."
I already told you that denying realities doesn't make them less real. It only hampers your ability to face and deal with them appropriately.
Hassuiryou chided him softly.
You have accepted the reality of my existence and my bond to Ametatsu. You have accepted that I have more of a purpose than simply a ghost lecturing you in the background. You have called my name, and therefore there is no reason why you cannot take me and use me yourself, so long as Ametatsu's recollections and strength still surge through you. Yet you still insist on denying this basic truth to yourself.
"Basic...truth?"
All those who fight fight to protect. And when you fought Kurotsuchi Mayuri...what did you seek to protect?
"I..."
You have already told me in your own words the reason for your fight. You wanted to protect two things, didn't you? The pride of your Quincy race. And...
Uryuu's face flushed red with embarrassment as he realised the implication in the dragon's words.
"Inoue-san." He whispered.
There. It is not so hard, is it, when you try?
"But I..."
Ametatsu fought to defend Ishida Niji, and when she died, to avenge her death.
Hassuiryou spoke gravely.
Inside of you is that same spirit. You fought to defend Inoue Orihime - you used Kidou to escape the 6-Bantai cell in order to make sure she was safe. She is one you care for greatly - whether you prefer to see her as your friend and ally or as something more. There is no shame in having those feelings, either. You are not the only person in this world, after all. The people around you drive you forwards as well as kick you back. The more you trust in them, the stronger you will become. It takes far more strength to fight for another, after all, than it does to simply fight for yourself.
Uryuu sighed heavily, rubbing his temples as he digested the truth of this.
"You really like to lecture folk, don't you?" He said in resignation.
I don't recall ever having to lecture Ametatsu quite as much as this.
Hassuiryou admitted.
But then he was more open to the ideas and values of a zanpakutou and a Shinigami's relationship with one another. And you are not that way. Still, I don't suppose I can blame you for that. It would be wrong, after all, to expect you to be him.
"I don't think I could be, even if I tried." Uryuu shook his head. "In the end, there are too many differences between us."
And when Ametatsu's spirit and recollections are once more severed and sealed, you and I will no longer speak like this.
There was regret in the dragon's tones.
If you ever wield a zanpakutou, after all, it will be one of your own devising. A zanpakutou can only fight for one master. No matter whether the same soul is born again and again - this circumstance cannot happen again. I am his sword. When he is gone, so will I be.
Uryuu frowned, running his fingers tentatively along the sharp, fluid blade. Then,
"But you will help me, won't you?" He asked hesitantly. "Tomorrow, if we go to see Kurotsuchi. You will come, won't you? And...if I need you...you'll help?"
Yes, Uryuu. I will help.
Hassuiryou agreed softly.
It is what Ametatsu would have wanted, after all.
"Ishida?"
At the sound of Ichigo's voice, Uryuu turned, meeting his classmate's quizzical look with a frown.
"Something up?" He asked softly, and Ichigo shook his head, stepping into the room and pausing as he took in the unsealed zanpakutou cradled across Uryuu's lap.
"What are you doing with that?" He asked bluntly. "If you're going to go nuts with it again, Ishida, I swear..."
"You're so violent sometimes." Uryuu shook his head impatiently. "I'm not going to do anything of the sort. It's all right. You don't need to come and rescue me from myself. I'm quite fine."
Ichigo's eyes narrowed, and he glanced from the blade to his friend. Then comprehension flickered in his dark gaze.
"You were talking to it, weren't you?" He said quietly. "And the other night, too - when I thought you were babblin' to someone an' you told me noone was there. You've been chattin' to this thing for a while...haven't you? It wasn't just that one time at 6-Bantai. You've been doin' it a lot more than that. But you didn't say anything."
"It wasn't any of your business." Uryuu got to his feet, setting the weapon down on the table once more, and watching as it glittered and returned to its dormant form. "I don't ask you what kind of things you talk about with Zangetsu, do I?"
"No, but still...shit, it's too weird to get my head around." Ichigo shook his head, a rueful look on his sharp features. "You're a friggin' Quincy. Now you're havin' dialogue with some dead guy's zanpakutou? I know Byakuya said that you were this Shizuki guy reincarnated, an' I guess that I can't not believe that. But even so..."
"Hassuiryou isn't my sword." Uryuu shook his head, startling himself at the faint sense of regret that stirred inside of him at this admission. "He's Shizuki Ametatsu's and he always has been. I'm still the same as I was before, Kurosaki. A Quincy with no reiryoku. And I can't hide behind a weapon that isn't mine. If I'm going to fight in the Winter, then I'm going to have to find a way to relocate my own strength. Whether it's even possible, I don't know. But you don't need to get your head round anything. When we leave here, Hassuiryou will be sealed again and that will be that."
"So why did you insist so much on keepin' it with you?" Ichigo lounged up against the doorpost. "An' why were you talkin' to it, if you feel that way?"
"I guess because, at the moment, my soul's connected to him." Uryuu pursed his lips. "Besides, even if Hassuiryou belonged to a Shinigami, he belonged to a Shinigami who cared about the Quincy and what happened to them. So in that light, I'm not really turning my back on my values. Ametatsu-san wasn't the kind of Shinigami who believed the Quincy were enemies who should be destroyed. In fact, he saved the life of one of my ancestors. That's probably why I have this name and why our kanji is the same. It's none of it coincidence. Only that kind of Shinigami could possibly be reborn as a Quincy, after all."
"Sure, keep telling yourself that." Ichigo grinned, clapping a rough hand down on his companion's shoulder. "But leave your treasure preenin' routine for the time being, okay? Renji just showed up here with that Kira dude...an' he wanted to know if you were still up an' around. Byakuya might've pulled himself out of this, an' he's got Rukia confined to 6-Bantai till that Shizuki guy's been pulled out of you completely. But there's still one matter to settle...isn't there?"
"Yes." Uryuu's eyes narrowed. "Kurotsuchi Mayuri."
"Right." Ichigo agreed. "Ukitake-san doesn't think that a full on frontal assault is a good idea, sadly - because a couple of folk'd like t'sharpen their blades on his false chin. But the old guy does think that Kurotsuchi's research material into this - and any other residual souls - should be destroyed or turned over to the Sou Taichou dude rather than let anything like this happen again."
"I agree." Uryuu pursed his lips. "Kurosaki...whatever extra powers this has given me, it shouldn't have been able to happen. Ametatsu-san wanted oblivion. He didn't want to have to repeat his past and because of Kurotsuchi's meddling, he's been made to do it. And because I have his memories right now, I've been made to, too. It's not nice, having someone else's grief pounding on your thoughts all the time. I want to make sure Kurotsuchi doesn't get to do this particular experiment on anyone ever again."
"Ukitake-san thinks that because of the need for firepower come the Winter, Kurotsuchi will probably escape with a slapped wrist." Ichigo admitted, as the two boys made their way back towards 13-Bantai's central hall. "But I guess that can't be helped, considering."
"Guess not." Uryuu frowned. "It's all right. Right at the moment, I could only fight him with borrowed power, after all. That's not good enough for me. If and when I take him down, Kurosaki, it'll be with my own power. As a Quincy."
"Then you think you can get your powers back?"
"Don't know." Uryuu admitted. "But that doesn't mean I'm going to give up on the idea. I won't be useless come the Winter. That much I'm sure of. Whatever I can do, I will do. I'm decided. On the pride of the Quincy, that's what I'll do."
"Yeah, you're still Ishida all right." Ichigo observed ruefully, but there was a flicker of relief in his dark eyes. "Come on. Inoue's been worrying about you, an' whatever you say, long dialogues with someone else's dead blade is not healthy. Come talk to some real people for a while, okay? We've got Kurotsuchi nailed, in any case. Not only did he take Inoue hostage, he also knocked out Kira an' his squad. Kira remembers it clearly enough to point the finger...so you wanna be part of the take-down squad, right?"
"If it means I get to see him squirm, then without a doubt." Uryuu said frankly. "It's all right, Kurosaki. I'm right behind you."
The chamber was silent.
By the flower-panelled wall, Byakuya knelt, his body stiff and silent as a sentry as he stood guard over his injured young sister. He had taken her to the family home in the end, determined to keep her out of harm's way, yet he knew deep down that no matter how hard he tried to do that, he always seemed to be a step behind.
Renji had left his side not long after, and Byakuya had made not attempt to stop him, knowing that the Rukongai Vice Captain intended to return to the front line and continue aiding the ryoka boy and his friends in their dilemma. Although he had not said as much, Byakuya had been only too glad to let him go. Renji was strong, after all. Strong enough to make decisions and, with luck, carry them through to the end without failure. If he was to one day be a Captain, he had to learn such things without always being guided. And as time went on, Byakuya was more and more convinced that his second in command was one who would one day wear the haori. Surprisingly, this thought did not disgust or horrify the noble-born Captain as much as he had once thought such a thing would. In fact, he admitted grudgingly to himself, much as they had had their differences, he knew that he had grown to have an amount of respect for his current adjutant.
Perhaps, then, I will support him in the way Ukitake supported Shizuki. And perhaps, Ukitake knows that better than I even do myself.
His brows knitted together as he contemplated this thought. Though he was still somewhat angry at the 13-Bantai Captain's choice of phrasing, he knew deep down that the older man had been - as he so infuriatingly often was - right in his assessment of Byakuya's own motives. It had surprised him that Ukitake had lied to protect his former subordinate, or gone so far to protect him. But then, Byakuya was no longer so naive as he had once been. And he had learnt, in the harshest, most painful way, that being a son of a Noble house could easily mean nothing at all.
His fingers strayed instinctively to his chest where, beneath the thick cloth of the hakama and haori he knew the scarring wound inflicted upon him by Ichimaru's Shinsou was still in the process of healing.
If the Great Noble Houses do not obey the rules, who will?
His own words flitted across his senses, almost teasing him, and he shook his head as thought to clear it.
To support a strong candidate towards taking the haori was not a breach of rules, after all. Foolish captains of noble birth had worn the haori in the past, and as he thought more about it, he realised that - whatever the true details of it - Ukitake's actions in protecting Shizuki had been as much a condemnation of the Shihouin-ke's desire to do as they liked as it had been loyalty towards a dead subordinate.
And right now, have I broken those rules, in allowing my Vice Captain to leave the barracks and pursue a private matter against a fellow Captain? Perhaps I have. Perhaps by doing nothing I have done something wrong. But perhaps there are rules in Soul Society that should be fought against, after all. If Kurotsuchi has caused the recent events, then he should be subject to the same rules that govern those who rank below him. There is no place in this Soul Society for Captains to do as they please without restraint. Aizen's behaviour has proven that. In which case, to support one who is honest cannot be seen as a sin, surely? Not even if that honesty makes him flawed in other ways. Renji's emotions are his weakness, but perhaps they are also his strength. This time, I will let him have his head. We will see what comes of it. In the end, it is the only way.
His eyes narrowed.
If I am honest, perhaps I have already made up my mind to support Renji in becoming Rukongai's next Captain representative. But if I do so, I will be sure not to make the same mistakes Ukitake obviously did when fostering Shizuki Ametatsu's potential. If you are born in Rukongai, you already face hardship and pain. To become a Captain is a dream most will never reach. If he is to reach it, I will do what I can to ascertain he does not succumb to his weaknesses before realising his real potential.
A faint, rueful smile touched his lips at this.
"It seems I am still as rebellious as I ever was, Grandfather." He reflected, glancing briefly across the sprawling Kuchiki estate grounds to where his illustrious Grandfather's memorial tomb stood. "And my attachment to Rukongai has grown stronger, not weaker, since Hisana's death. Though perhaps I have finally learnt the lessons you hoped so much to help me learn. And I can't say I learnt them without pain - but then, if I had heeded your warnings, maybe it would have been different."
He closed his eyes, as memories flooded across his senses.
"I wish you would reconsider."
With a heavy sigh, the elderly Shinigami turned from his position at the window, regarding his young companion regretfully as he slowly shook his head. "It's an unwise move, Byakuya. With all the work you've done and all the training to get to where you are...do you realise the risks you're going to bring down on the heads of this clan if you continue to act in such a reckless manner?"
At his tones, the young man stiffened, obstinacy clouding his grey eyes.
"Grandfather, the decision is my own to make." He said softly. "Haven't you always taught me to make my own decisions? What kind of head of the clan will I make, if I am unable to do such things by myself?"
"I dare not imagine." Ginrei stroked his beard absently, pain in his gaze. "I know you're young. I know too well your impulsiveness and the idealism that threatens your very stability as a future head of this clan. And I'm not going to be here forever to guide or chastise you. I can't keep protecting you from the worst of people's tongues, my boy. Do you realise how much discussion has already been generated about your proposal to take a Rukongai girl as your wife?"
Byakuya's lips thinned.
"I happen to care greatly for Hisana." He said coldly. "With no disrespect, sir, I don't believe that's an area in which you can govern me. I am, as you say, the future of this clan. In the end, if I choose it to be that way, there is no choice for others to make but to accept it. That is, after all, what it means to be a Kuchiki."
Ginrei's eyes closed briefly, and he sighed.
"You are still fool young to understand, it seems." He murmured. "Byakuya, your parents entrusted you to me and I have done my best. But there are scarce few forces in place to pull a Kuchiki son down and make him see the errors of his actions. You truly do not understand yet what the consequences of a match like this could be. Not just for you, but for your family, and also, even, for the girl herself?"
"Why?" Byakuya's eyes glittered with anger. "Because I choose to raise her from the slums that fate cast her into and bring her into my home? I do not love Hisana because of those things. Those things are worthless. I love her because of who she is to me. I won't be talked out of it. I am decided. And besides, since I already made to her an offer of marriage, it will not be retracted. She is the woman I intend to marry. I do not go back on my word."
Ginrei rubbed his temples.
"There are a lot of people putting pressure on me to negate this match, or even to put pressure on you to do so yourself." He said finally. "There has even been talk in some of the branches of disinheritance or disgrace if you choose to follow this path. I care very much for your well being, my boy. You know that, I think. You have always been the pride of this clan and the one most gifted in every respect. But your wilful, spoiled nature will one day be the death of you. Or, no, I fear more that it will be the death of someone you care for. You do not yet truly understand the price of being a Kuchiki. I only hope that one day that weight will not crash down on your shoulders and be too much to bear."
Byakuya's eyes narrowed.
"I am not scared of the clan." He said frostily. "I never have been. Do you intend to disinherit me, Grandfather? Because even if you say so, you won't sway my will. I am decided. A man of honour does not break his word."
Ginrei shook his head.
"I will not disinherit you. As you say, promises are not things that should be easily broken." He said gently. "But listen, please, at least to my concerns. A match that spans so many classes can only bring heartbreak in the end. Hisana is a beautiful young woman, true. Intelligent, perhaps. I have no reason to judge either her manners or her personality in an ill light. But do you realise the censure that will fall on her head from outside? Other noble clans will feel offended that the heir to the Kuchiki clan has shunned them in favour of a girl from Inazuri. And she will feel the backlash, even if they are too afraid to launch it at you yourself. She does not have the protection you have. She is from Rukongai. You are from Seireitei. The difference is that you are a Kuchiki by blood. But Hisana...if she falls from favour, she falls alone."
Byakuya was silent for a long time, digesting this. Then, slowly, he shook his head.
"You misjudge me." He said finally. "I will not allow Hisana to be so targeted. If I have to protect her every waking minute, so I shall. All these things I have thought over and have become convinced of, Grandfather. Hisana is something I have never encountered in my life before. Likely I will never encounter it again. I will not let that fleeting spark of light so easily escape my fingers."
"I see." Ginrei sighed heavily. "And nothing I will say can change your heart, can it?"
"Nothing at all."
Ginrei frowned, looking suddenly old and weary as he spread his hands.
"I trust you will not live to regret your impetuosity of feeling." he said sadly. "There are some gaps, Byakuya, that must not be breached. No matter what the reason. I hope you will not learn that the hard way."
"If you fall, you fall alone."
Byakuya rested his hand gently against Rukia's sleek dark hair, watching as the girl's chest rose and fell rhythmically with each intake of breath. She was sleeping peacefully now, he knew, and she was in no danger from the Kidou attack - in fact, the family doctors had assured him that even her convalescence probably would not be delayed any further by the incident. Yet even as he had chosen to watch over her, absorbing Hisana's features etched onto the girl's young face, he had found himself reminded of Ginrei's advice to him so many years ago.
Well, Grandfather, in the end perhaps you were correct, and I bow to you in acknowledgement of that fact.
He sighed, sitting back on his heels as he contemplated.
But even so, I don't regret the five years Hisana gave me. They were happy, even if so much else before and since was not. Even if, as so often it's been, the Kuchiki name and title was still a barrier between us - even if at times she felt alone and isolated and I could not protect her from it. At least I had her, and I treasure that most of all, despite our differences.
He smiled sadly.
And now, I have Rukia. And even though I couldn't protect Hisana as I hoped to, I will protect Rukia. I will keep that promise, if none other. For Hisana's sake...I will not let further harm befall her younger sister.
He pursed his lips, remembering Ginrei's expression one last time.
Renji, I hope you will forgive me. But the actions of that young Quincy fool, possessed or not, have only convinced me further that there are gaps that should not be breached. I already sinned by bringing both Hisana and Rukia into a world to which they did not belong. Rukia almost died because of it. And the tale of Shizuki Ametatsu and his Real World amour has only proven Grandfather's words right once again. There are some gaps that cannot be breached. Some situations in which you cannot protect the one you want most to protect, even if you try to give your all to do so. If I intend to sin again against my family's code to the point of supporting a Rukongai Shinigami to the highest level of office, then I must also be prepared to ensure that his affections do not cloud his judgement in the way they clouded Shizuki's.
He pursed his lips.
Rukia is a Kuchiki now. Whatever the past...that cannot be taken back. Ukitake was right also, though I hate to admit it. There is no feeling like that feeling...no loss like that loss. And if I can, I will do all I can to prevent others from feeling it. Even if that means that I stand between two people and act as my Grandfather acted, all those years ago.
"Nii-sama?"
Rukia's voice startled him back to reality, and he turned, glancing down at her as she raised confused dark eyes to his.
"What...where...?"
"You took a blow in the ruckus at 6-Bantai, but you are not seriously hurt." Byakuya explained briefly. "I brought you back here for peace and quiet...since at present I do not think it wise for you to be in the company of your ryoka friends."
"Ishida fired Kidou at me, didn't he?" Rukia pulled herself into a sitting position, rubbing her temples as she digested his words. Then she paused, glancing at Byakuya anxiously.
"You didn't...kill him, did you?" She asked warily, and Byakuya shook his head.
"I did not." He agreed. "Although I will not pretend that the idea did not cross my mind. He was extremely dangerous whilst that rogue had control of his body...and he attacked you. Not only that, within the confines of my own squad offices. I will not tolerate such grave insults against my family or my position - so he is fortunate, in the end, that your Captain came to intervene."
"Ukitake-taichou did?" Rukia looked surprised, then she sighed, relief flooding her expression. "Well, then I'm glad. Maybe now everything can be resolved one way or another."
"If so, it will be done without your involvement." Byakuya said quietly, and Rukia stared at him.
"Nii...sama?"
"I have already told you. I will not tolerate you being hurt."
Rukia stared at him for a moment. Then she shook her head.
"Ichigo came for our help. So did Ishida." She said matter-of-factly. "We have to see it through to the end, surely?"
"Ukitake will take it from this point on." Byakuya said briskly. "Though I have no axe to wield against the Quincy boy, I have no interest in a dead Captain from Rukongai."
Rukia sighed.
"You can't always protect me from everything, Nii-sama." She murmured softly, and Byakuya started, staring at her as he interpreted her words. "I'm not angry with you, after all. For what happened before. There were a lot of things that weren't understood by either of us, then. But...but Ichigo and the others are my friends. Going to the Real World changed a lot of things for me, after all. And though...though Hisana was my...my sister, I...I'm not her. I...I don't need to be protected all...all of the time."
Byakuya's eyes widened at this direct speech, and Rukia reddened, looking uncomfortable.
"I'm sorry." She added. "I'm being rude, I know, and...and maybe ungrateful. But..."
Byakuya's eyes narrowed for a moment, then he shook his head.
"No, perhaps the true fault is mine." He said heavily, and Rukia stared at him, losing the thread of her sentence as she interpreted the expression on his handsome features.
"Nii...sama?"
"When I made my promise to Hisana, I did not understand what it was I promised." Byakuya got carefully to his feet, gazing down at her as he did so. "Though she tried to explain it to me, I was too affected by her death to interpret it in any light other than the one in which I did. She asked me to allow you to call me brother, since she could not call herself truly your sister. I have done all I could to ensure the former. Yet I did not understand the meaning of the latter. Hisana felt she had no right to be your sister because she abandoned you and paid you no heed as you grew up. I have in essence done little different, have I? There is next to no meaning in the use of a word alone. To this point, perhaps, I have no right for you to call me 'brother', or feel an attachment to the Kuchiki-ke at all."
A faintly wistful smile touched his features.
"You are, I think, far more content with your ryoka friends and Renji than you ever are within this family." He added sadly. "And I have done little to change that fact."
Rukia's eyes softened.
"You saved my life against Ichimaru Gin's sword." She said gently, and Byakuya shook his head.
"No." He said heavily. "Kurosaki Ichigo was the one who saved your life. My actions were too little, and almost too late. Had I died then, I would still have not made amends for everything else."
"Nii-sama, I don't..."
"My Grandfather once warned me about the consequences of my actions." Byakuya murmured. "And I, a wilful, strong boy, did not choose to heed him. I did not understand the burdens of making Hisana part of my world. Nor you. But I am beginning to understand them. Yet...even so...Rukia, you are a Kuchiki now. There is nothing to be done about that. And even if you asked it of me, I would not make any attempt to change it. I made a promise to Hisana - one I should not have made, perhaps, but one I chose to make. Therefore I will ensure I uphold it."
Rukia reached out a hand to touch the edge of his haori, and Byakuya stared at her in surprise.
"Rukia?"
"When you took Ichimaru's sword for me, I realised you were my brother, now, after all." Rukia said softly, embarrassment in her expression. "When you told me about Hisana, I understood. You don't need to be sorry for that. Or for protecting me, now. I just...am not someone easily protected. I want to be useful, and use the training I have. Now I've been to the Real World, after all, I know what we're here to watch over. And I have people I care about there who should be able to live safely, too."
Byakuya offered her a rueful smile, his grey eyes lighting up with rare humour at her earnest expression.
"I will not ever understand, I suppose, the appeal of the Real World." He mused. "I am from Seireitei. That has always been my world."
Rukia looked surprised at this heartfelt honesty, then she returned the smile.
"And I'll always be at least some part from Rukongai." She said matter-of-factly. "I think it's just how things are. But...I'm proud to be part of the Kuchiki-ke now, Nii-sama. I'm honoured that you want me as part of your clan, even if it was for Hisana's sake. And I don't mean to do anything to disgrace you, if I can prevent it. Just...I'm a Shinigami. Hisana wasn't. I've been trained to fight to keep the balance of this world. And I want to do that. If I'm doing it as a Kuchiki, then I'll do it that way."
She looked sheepish.
"I admit, when Renji and I first decided to become Shinigami, it was to escape the slums and live somewhere better." She admitted. "We didn't know anything about what we were getting into. But now I'm here, and I do know. I'm glad you said I could go back to 13-Bantai, because that's my squad. And I hope...I think..maybe you understand that that means a lot to me. Even though K...Kaien-dono isn't there any more. I still belong there, with them."
"Shiba Kaien." Byakuya pursed his lips, and Rukia nodded.
"I'm going to try and put that behind me now." She told him earnestly. "As much as I can. Now I've spoken to Kuukaku-san and Ganju-san and got some perspective. I miss him. He was a good Vice Captain and I looked up to him a...a lot. But...I'm not going to dwell on it any more. I know you were angry, Nii-sama, when it happened. I thought then that it was because I'd somehow brought shame on the Kuchiki name by spilling the blood of the head of the Shiba-ke. But...maybe it was because...you were worried about me?"
"Ukitake was a Captain I trusted more than any other to keep you safe from harm." Byakuya said honestly. "And I feel that, that night, he failed."
He looked pensive.
"Perhaps you are right, however. You cannot always be protected." He admitted. "And I will strive to remember it. Because whatever the reason, you and I are family now. And I wish to preserve that fact. Not for Hisana's sake, Rukia...but for our own. Even if I do not have the same ease of manner as your former Vice Captain or your rough-spoken friends...that is my wish and I hope you will remember it."
Rukia eyed him for a moment, emotion glittering in her dark blue eyes, and Byakuya half felt that, if the situation and the social protocol had been different, she might have hugged him. A faint flicker of regret stirred inside of him as he realised yet again that being a Kuchiki really did interfere in every aspect of a Shinigami's life.
"Grandfather was a wise man." He murmured, more than half to himself. "I wish he had been here longer, to give me the guidance I chose to ignore when he was alive. I think, perhaps then, we would both have had an easier transition into the way things are now."
He reached across to rest his hand on her shoulder.
"We will not discuss these things again. They should not need to be repeated." He said softly. "I have already, probably, spoken more than is appropriate. But the truth is, Rukia, I have striven hard for a long time to be like my Grandfather. To be strong and distant, unbiased and obedient to the laws of Soul Society. In comparison to him and his repute, I am a gravely flawed being, after all."
"Nii-sama...?" Rukia looked startled, and Byakuya smiled ruefully.
"I know how you probably see me." He murmured. "And I won't pretend I intend to change my manner in any respect. Even if, at times, there are other things beneath the surface left unsaid."
He shrugged, remembering with a flicker of regret the idealistic, headstrong days of his youth.
"Being the head of the Kuchiki clan does not allow you, always, to be true to yourself." He said at length. "This is what Grandfather taught me most of all, and something I have come to take to heart in its entirety. Being so causes pain for those around you, and so I must never falter. Still, between us I would have no further misunderstandings. Whatever occurs from hereon in, you and I are brother and sister. And if you ever need my help, even after you return to your squad and undertake the duties assigned you there, you should not have fear to ask. I will not turn you away. Not even if the request involves ryoka boys with red hair and foul tongues."
Rukia's expression lit up with humour at this, and she nodded.
"I know, and I understand." She said sincerely. "I think there have been times I didn't, but I do now. It's all right, Nii-sama. I know how things are within the Kuchiki-ke better than anyone else, in some ways. And I know I'm not as alone as I thought I was. Just...you don't have to protect me. I'll be strong on my own, from now. I'm resolved to be. Kaien-dono would want me to be. Soul Society needs me to be. 13-Bantai are there to help me to be. And so are you. Come the Winter, Seireitei will need everyone it has. And I won't run away. I'll be there. Just like you."
Byakuya eyed her, taking in the resolute look in her dark eyes, and a pang of nostalgia touched his heart once again as he saw the ghost of his dead wife staring up at him.
"When you speak like that, you truly are like Hisana." He murmured. "And it makes me glad that, wrong as it may have been, I sought to keep that promise."
He smiled.
"One day, we will speak of Hisana properly." He added. "But not yet. There is time yet."
"I'd like that." Rukia looked surprised.
"Then we shall. When you are recovered, and I less preoccupied with matters of squad and kin."
"Nii-sama, are you really not going to help Ishida and Ichigo any more this time?"
"I have no need to." Despite himself, Byakuya's eyes glittered with wry humour. "My Vice Captain seems quite happy to take it into his hands, and I have no will to prevent him."
"Renji...?"
"Yes." Byakuya agreed. "I do not wish to be further involved, Rukia. Shizuki Ametatsu sparks too many unpleasant memories of how those who cross divides can so easily fall from grace. I will leave it in his hands from now. Ukitake has it in hand, after all. It is no longer my affair. And I have no residual interest in something that was my Grandfather's province. The boy is no longer at 6-Bantai, so the matter for me is closed."
Rukia sighed.
"And you really won't let me go...?"
"I would rather not issue a command to that effect." Byakuya admitted. "But I do not want you going near that boy whilst he may pose a threat."
Rukia looked thoughtful, looking him straight in the eyes.
"I'm not going to disappear, not like Hisana did." She said boldly, startling her companion by her sudden perception. "I'm not going to leave you to face the Spring alone, Nii-sama...even if I'm a poor comparison, I intend to stay here. The thing I know most about being a Kuchiki is that it's a lonely business, after all. But it's less lonely, if you have me and I have you. So I'll always come back. Even if I do go into danger...I'm not going to be easy to kill. I promise. You won't get rid of me that easily...no matter what happens."
Byakuya stared at her, beyond words, and Rukia grinned self-consciously.
"That wasn't very polite, was it." She said sheepishly. "I'm sorry. I suppose I forgot myself a little. I didn't mean..."
Byakuya shook his head, determination and defiance flaring in his grey eyes as it had not done since the day he had laid Hisana to rest.
"There is no rudeness between brother and sister." He said softly, only just keeping his tones level as his emotions swirled within him. "I understand your sentiments perfectly. Thank you, Rukia."
Before she knew what he was doing, he had taken her gently by the shoulders, hugging her tightly to him as he did so.
"This is also impolite and inappropriate on many levels." He murmured, as she stared at him in shock. "But I do not care. Not this time. I broke rules and I will not punish others for my having done so. Do as you please, Rukia. But remember the promise you have made. I will hold you to it, after all."
He released his grasp, suddenly feeling self-conscious at having let his impulsive nature take charge of his body.
"I have business to which I must attend." He said evenly. "If you are going out early on the morrow, be sure not to disturb my retainers. Many of them will be hard at work, even at that time."
With that he bowed his head towards her, withdrawing from the chamber before she could reply.
Was that you, Hisana, driving me to keep my word after all?
He stared at the sliding door, taking a deep breath as he re-composed himself.
It's been a long time since I allowed that wilful, impulsive child to take over...to do as I pleased, regardless of protocol. But in this case, I hope you will continue to guide me. I will do what I can, Hisana, to make her my true sister. And even if it's from afar...I will still protect her. So much as any brother can truly protect his sister.
He sighed, closing his eyes.
Thank you, Grandfather. Thank you, Hisana. I understand much more, now. And I will endeavour to understand more as time goes on.
With that he turned on his heel, heading back towards his office once more the composed, unflappable nobleman as he flicked his hand in the direction of this or that house servant to do his bidding.
There was no place, after all, in the Kuchiki-ke for a wilful, impulsive child. Yet it still lived within him, and somehow, Byakuya was glad.
It seems Shiba Kaien and Shizuki Ametatsu are not the only spirits being laid to rest. Perhaps it's time I moved forward, too...towards what will be asked of me, as head of the Kuchiki-ke, come the Winter.
See, people, I told you I wasn't done yet! It's not over till Byakuya sings. Er. No. Too much Bleach Soul Sonic there...I mean till the Epilogue. :) Speaking of Byakuya...
Author's Note: Byakuya.
I sort of feel an explanation is due where Byakkun is involved, particularly at this point in the story.
My interpretation of Byakuya is founded on the Byakkun we see in the Pendulum Arc, even though it's for only the briefest of moments. That hot-tempered, impulsive, proud-spirited young whelp of a boy is, in my belief, the real Byakuya. Obviously since then much has happened. He's lost his wife, adopted Rukia, broken the family rules, sworn oaths on his parents' graves, probably lost his Grandfather and mentor, taken over 6-Bantai and become head of the Kuchiki clan. But even though he's adopted this calm, well ordered veneer of disinterestedness, sometimes the real Byakuya shows through the cracks. In the fight with Ichigo, for example, he occasionally shows his genuine anger and frustration…when Rukia is about to be executed, his expression clearly shows his pain. Byakuya's made the choice to obey the rules and live up to the expectations of his clan. But the face he shows Seireitei and the way he feels about things inside are probably often at odds with one another.
My attitude towards him in this story has followed that premise. I've written him as detached and austere, but also with a flicker of that past self still lurking at the edges. Obviously, that's just my interpretation of him, so some people may consider that to be out of character. This scene in particular may well seem that way. I don't personally think that's the case. But so many things are open to interpretation.
This is simply how I see Byakuya's character. I don't think I could ever write him any other way…this is just how he is to me.