Disclaimer: I do not own the People Under the Stairs and if you thought I did you have some serious issues to work through with a licensed therapist.

Alice sat on Roach's bed a bit confused and happy. She was actually quite confused but she was trying not to dwell on it too much, it would only upset her and she didn't want to be upset. She fixed her clothes to be more modest, her bra strap was showing and her skirt was up to her waist. She sighed contentedly as she laid herself back on Roach's bed; that was wonderful. It was the most wonderful kiss she had ever gotten, from Roach anyway. She kept replaying it over and over in her mind like a VHS cassette and each time she did it got a little better. She smiled a little even though she wanted to shout from the roof tops. That had been so intimate and yet so caring but also a bit hurried that Alice wasn't all too sure what to make of it, or what this new found wanting was. She didn't really know why Roach was about to do what he was going to do or why he stopped. She really didn't know why she wanted him to in the first place. She wanted him to strip her down and then-and then-well she didn't know what she wanted to do from there but she suspected that it had something to do with what her real mother told her about. This confused her, why would Roach want to do something like that? Why would she? Why would anybody? The whole thing sounded very painful to her which just added to her confusion. She brought Roach's blanket up to her face and took a deep breath; it smelled just like him. She loved it. The thought of her laying where he slept and having just been kissed and touch by him made the strange feeling between her legs come back. She didn't know what it was or why it happened whenever she thought about Roach but she knew one thing; it couldn't have been how a good girl would feel when she thought about a bad boy, any boy. She stopped and sat straight up, almost getting tangled in his second hand bedding in the process. She was breathing heavily and very wet. Both from a combination of her and Roach's sweat that had been brought on by what had transpired and what she was doing after he left. This scared her and she instantly stood up and looked for something to do. Whenever something bothered or scared her she looked for something to take her mind off of it. She used to sew dolls and now she baked an sewed and made order in her room. She didn't see anything to do in Roach's room; his clothes and toys were all put away and she didn't want to touch his bed again. Maybe there was some dust that needed cleaning under his bed?

'Well, if there's dust I should probably clean it up for Roach, boys shouldn't have to clean things up. Is Roach a boy or a man? He looks like a man but he's so young. Stop it Alice! You are a good girl and good girls don't think about bad boys who spoke evil and escaped into the walls and have nice, hard muscles and-no! Stop it Alice or you'll burn in hell!' Thought Alice before she got down on her hands and knees to crawl under Roach's bed. She had barely got under there before she found a box. She knew that Roach kept things under his bed and he didn't like to have people looking through them but curiosity got the best of her. She opened the box and blushed as she saw several Playboy's predating the Regan administration. She moved them and continued looking through Roach's box but stayed ready to shove it back under his bed if he came back. She found the clothes she had made for him all those months ago when he first had his tongue cut out and on impulse too a whiff of them. She liked the way they smelled; they really smelled like the Roach she remembered smelled. They smelled like sweat and dust and several other things that she couldn't place. She cringed as she saw the blood stain and out them back the way she found them. She continued to look through his box and found several pictures of him and Donna as children as well as some recent pictures that either she or his mother had taken of him. What really caught he eye was a simple green notebook. She went against her instinct and listened to the curiosity nagging at her. She opened to a random page and read.

8-22-91

Dear Journal,

I'm growing all over the place! Seriously! Not only did I shoot up almost four inches since my escape(thank you God and thank you Fool) but a certain part of me that I like to refer to as Roach J.R. grew too. Really! Seven by three! Not six by three but seven by three! From base to head. Not only that but my hair grew too and not just the ones on my head. It's on my chest now! It's really light and hard to see but it's there! I wonder if Alice noticed. I kinda hope she did but I know that she probably didn't. She doesn't notice stuff like that. Well, that's all for now even though it's almost noon. I hope my day stays this good considering the fact that I grew(and boy did I grow, I'm bigger than Messenger! And I'm not talking height either)I also didn't dream and my mother let me eat jam right out of the jar.(She's such a nice woman.)Well, peace out!

-The happily growing boy known as Roach

Alice was a bit confused by that and decided to turn to a different page. She made a mental note to find out what Roach was talking about but not to reveal how she had come to know that about him.

8-23-91

Dear Journal,

I feel like curling up in a little ball and letting death take me to that big cellar of the earth know as hell. I'm nothing. I'm worthless. I'm a cockroach. I'm a whore boy fuck toy to whoever wants me and it makes me sick to the very core of my being. Why am I even alive? Why! I did nothing. I could have escaped but I didn't. I was just too afraid. That's why she doesn't deserve me, she deserves the hero. She deserves him. Wait, I think I hear my mother coming(I love her so much, much more than Mommy. Not that I ever loved Mommy or anything.)Well, gotta go, Prozac awaits.

-Cockroach, Boss's newest slave boy

Alice read and reread the passage many times. She didn't know why Roach would write something so horrible about himself. And who did he mean by 'she' and 'hero'? This passage upset Alice as she wiped some tears from her eyes. She quickly flipped backwards to another page, not wanting to look at the words smudged by tears that weren't hers.

8-12-91

Kiss me.

Kiss me like you mean it.

Like you love me.

Hold me.

Hold me tight.

While our hearts beat in union.

Tell me.

Tell me you love me.

Because I love you.

And I'll do the same for you, a hundred times over.

-The lover boy known as David Mathias Cullen 4th

Alice felt a burning jealousy as she read that passage. Roach loved someone? How could he love someone?! How?! She loved him and he loved another girl?! She was very angry but then she was happy. It might've been her. He might be in love with her. It did make sense, he did kiss her even when she didn't ask and he lingered sometimes. Well, that and they did go just a bit farther than kissing only a few minutes ago. Alice decided to continue reading to see if she came up again. If he loved her than she'd tell him how she felt. Wait, she loved Fool too. She felt a cold, metallic fear creep into her. She'd have to choose and she didn't know who to choose. She loved them both and they might both love her. She'd end up having to hurt someone's feelings and that was something she didn't want to do, ever. It just wasn't in her nature. She shook her head; she'd have to cross that bridge when she came to it. She flipped the pages randomly until she stopped at a long passage.

8-17-91

I don't remember much about that day and I try not to but I relive it in my dreams. My nightmares. It's the same every time, like a video cassette. First I sit there by the wall of the money room in the cellar minding my own business and steering clear of the other boys(They did and still do scare me but not as much now.)and then he(Stairmaster) comes to me. He always tells me it'll feel good and that I'll enjoy it but I never do and it makes me sick just thinking about it. That was back when I was still the innocent little boy Elmira and Eldon(I refuse to call them Mommy and Daddy and I wish Alice would do the same, they don't deserve names in my opinion.) wanted me to be. First he touches me, like I did to myself sometimes and I cum but as I cum I cry. After that he does something I never had heard of or seen done. He sucks me off surprisingly well for a man who had a wife and a cut out tongue(He was 22 and I was 14 and his tongue wasn't cut out as badly as mine was) but I hate it and I beg him to stop but he takes that as pleas to keep going(It's like he lost his ears instead of his tongue). He then makes me mimic what he did and I beg him to leave me alone. He doesn't like that and he forces my head down so I scream. Of course that just brings some of the other people over to see the show(That was the single most humiliating moment of my life)I cry as I do exactly what he says and I gag as he comes. He then tells me I did a good job and holds me like a lover would. I want to pull of my own skin as he does this. I didn't quite understand what we did or why but I knew that it was bad. That was what really made the ordeal horrible: the fact that I was treated not like a toy(Like Messenger) but like an equal partner( a lover). I fell asleep from the emotional and physical exhaustion(It takes a lot of work to get Stairmaster off and I hadn't eaten in days) when I woke up he was next to me and I had him cum on me(I hope that he didn't fuck me, I don't think that I could deal with that.) Of course on a good night I'll wake up screaming around the beginning of it all but it's still horrible and the worst part is whenever I have this memory dream I can't tell anyone(Well, maybe Donna, she's read my journal already. I almost hate her for it.) so I have to live with it.(If there was real alcohol like Vodka or Scotch I'd drink it down just to forget.) I'd better walk around the house for a bit so I don't fall asleep and relive it again.

-Stairmaster's favorite toy and lover, cockroach.

Alice was confused. She had no idea what he meant by most of the things he said. She was tempted to ask him but she knew that if she did he'd know that she read his journal and he'd probably get mad at her. She felt bad for him but she didn't know why. She knew that this memory was painful for him by the way he used words and the tears on the page but she had no idea what he meant. She had a feeling that he wanted to keep it that way. Alice heard the doorknob turn and quickly stashed his journal back into the box it came in but it was too late. Roach saw her push the box under the bed and he got mad. He got beyond mad, he was furious. His eyes narrowed and he looked at her like he wanted to kill her. He was shocked and angry and violated. It wasn't as if she didn't know not to go through his things, he had made that quite clear to her quite a bit of time ago. Alice stood up and looked at him, fear showing clearly through her brown innocent brown eyes.

"Roach, I-I'm sorry I l-lo-looked through you-your things but please d-don't-!" Alice didn't get to finish because she broke down in silent sobs. Roach felt all of his anger leave him as quickly as it came. She looked at him like she looked at Daddy when he punished her for doing something bad and it both horrified and made him sick to his stomach.

'Alice, pleas stop. Please! Don't look at me like that, don't cry! I would never hurt you, you know that. I'm could never be angry at you, maybe at Fool but not you. I'm not Daddy and I never will be. I would never hurt you Alice, my Alice. I love you.' Thought Roach as he walked up to her. Alice feared the worst but was prepared to take whatever punishment she was given. She had been a bad girl to look through his things and she had to be punished. She knew that Roach had never hurt her and he probably wouldn't but he had never been angry at her before. She feared the worst as his arms wrapped themselves around her and pulled her into his embrace. If Alice hadn't been so worked up she would have blushed as her head came into contact with his slightly built chest. He began to tell her that it was alright and that he would never, ever do anything to hurt. He almost told her he loved her but he caught himself just in time. They stayed that way for a while, her head to his chest and his head buried in the strawberry scent that was her hair. She used to smell like industrial grade soap and fear but now she smelled like a field of strawberries; he loved it.

"David and Alice sitting in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g! First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes baby in a baby carriage!" said Dottie loudly, her newly washed hair making dripping noises as it dripped onto the hardwood floor. Alice but her hand to her stomac at the baby part but Roach didn't notice. Roach and Alice broke apart and Roach motioned for Dottie to go away. She walked away laughing loudly just as Amanda Cullen came down from the attic covered in dust. She looked at the puddles on the floor and muttered something about her kids being the death of her. She looked at Roach and Alice and cocked an eyebrow. She had heard what Dot said and they were both blushing so she assumed that Dot had caught them at least kissing. She had her suspicions about the two of them and she wanted her son to be happy but she also wanted to go back to the days when girls were icky and had cooties.

"If you kids are hungry we got food, it's lunchtime anyway ya know." Said Amanda as she put the broom away in the upstairs closet, nearly getting hit by a falling bowling ball. She decided to let them have their privacy but she was going to break them up as soon as she heard bedsprings creaking. That was something that she was not going to have in her house while she was present. Roach and Alice blushed a bit before heading downstairs but not before Morgan could moth the word 'homo' at him. He gave him the finger and told Alice not to imitate him. She listened and allowed him to lead her to the kitchen. Roach made them both peanut butter and apricot jam sandwiches much to Amanda's disgust. They ate in silence only occasionally looking at one another.

'I wonder what the inside of his mouth tastes like now. I know that it's wrong to have these thoughts because I'm a good girl but I can't stop. Does he think about me like I think about him? I hope he does. I hope that I'm the girl he was writing about in his journal. I wonder what the last thing was about. What a 'lover' and why didn't Roach want to be this 'Stairmaster' person's lover? And what's 'cum' mean. I suppose that's it's one of those things I'll have to find out on my own, or ask Debbie about. This is actually kinda good when you get used to it.' Thought Alice as she at her sandwich slowly while looking at Roach and the near man he had become. She wished that he'd pull himself up in the doorway so she could see him without his shirt on. She loved the way he looked, lean not skinny. She especially loved the light and thin hairs that covered his arms, legs, and chest. She wondered if Fool looked like that too or if every boy looked like that. She finished her sandwich quickly so that she wouldn't have to look at Roach any longer; she was beginning to feel funny again.

'Man, she must really like peanut butter and apricot jam. I've never seen her eat an un-timed meal so fast. Why is she looking at me like that? That almost looks like the look I give attractive women sometimes. Could she-nah! She doesn't think about stuff like that. Well back at my bedroom she did stick her tongue in my mouth, that was a lover's kiss. Nope, she didn't know what she was doing and I shouldn't have given in. Wow, she's almost finished. I better hurry up, maybe we can watch cartoons? She lied cartoons, right? I know she does. But maybe she only likes them because I like them. I've gotta stop thinking like this; I'm way to quick to please. Wait, why do is suddenly assume that she can't think about me like that? She does look older after all with her round hips and butt and perky-oh God I'm thinking about her again. Ok, I've got to stop thinking. This is me not thinking. Oh shit, I'm still thinking. Alright, this is me not thinking and this is me finishing my lunch,' thought Roach as he ate quickly to catch up with Alice, gagging a little as he ate. It was a bit difficult for him to eat without a tongue and he stifled a laugh at the face his mother was making as some food fell from his mouth and onto his shirt. Alice had a bit of peanut butter on her lips and he stifled the urge to kiss her to get it off like he had seen in a movie. He shook his head; he was going to have to stop having these thought about his best friend. He almost wished that he wasn't in love with her but then he realized that he was feeling lust at the moment and almost gasped; it felt a a bit wrong to him to associate something like lust with his best friend and first love.

'This is me washing the plates and not thinking about Alice or how she'd look dressed in a thin, red silk night gown so short and almost clear that-no, this is me not thinking!' Thought Roach as he began to rinse off the plates as Alice made her way to the living room. He was no longer angry at her or Fool; he had strange mood swings like that. His mother gave him a knowing look and he blushed; he did not like thnking that his mother knew what was on his mind. Amanda had a good idea of what her son was thinking about as he looked at Alice nervously; he was a teenage boy after all.

'Alright, this is me following Alice to the T.V., nothing strange about that and I am not thinking about my lips pressed against hers and her tongue going into my waiting and willing mouth. I am not thinking about this because Alice doesn't think about things like that. Well, she did give me a lover's kiss but maybe she doesn't know what she was doing! Yes, she didn't know!' Thought Roach as he sat back and watched Tom and Jerry fight like only cartoons could. He and Alice laughed a bit at the gratuitous violence and he wondered why Trysta who was sitting a bit farther away from them wasn't laughing, she was just sitting there smiling at something. Roach decided not to think to much about that; girls and small children confused him and Trysta was both. Well, she wasn't a small child but she was a child none the less.

'This is me not thinking about Alice and this is me sitting in very close proximity to Alice. So close I can almost see down her dress, not that it's anything I haven't seen before on her or any other girl. Not that I was looking at her through her vent to get off or anything; I was curious if that was how all girls looked.' Thought Roach as Alice moved a bit closer to him. She was feeling tired and wanted to lean on something or someone and Roach just happened to be that someone. Not that he minded ut it was making him feel strange. It was making her feel strange again but she decided that it wasn't an unpleasant feeling, it just made her do rather unpleasant things. She wondered if then was the time to tell Roach that she might have been bearing his child. Would Roach make a good father to their baby if there even was a baby? She hoped that he acted more like his father or her real father than like Daddy who she now referred to as 'other father. She hoped that she acted more like her real mother than Mommy who she now referred to as 'other mother'. She yawned a bit and rested her head on his shoulder. She hadn't slept well the previous night due to a reoccurring nightmare involving dolls with souls and boys without eyes, tongues, and ears coming to her and killing her while Mommy and Daddy watched. She didn't tell Roach about it though, she didn't want to upset him.

'Alright I'm beginning to think about Alice like that again and I have to stop before I get hard and Alice will most definitely ask about it and I am not going to explain it to her. Ok, and this is me not caring that Alice who now looks very tired is leaning on me and this is me yawning because I feel pretty tired myself and this is me resting my head on the side of the couch and this is me not caring that Trysta is smiling more than normal and just shot Alice a dirty look before leaving and this is me not caring that Alice's head is currently resting on my lap and this is me not caring that I'm both getting hard and falling asleep and this is me falling asleep. So much for not thinking.' Thought Roach as he fell asleep from the exhaustion of the day both due to insomnia and what had transpired that day. They slept like that until dinner time with nobody disturbing them and that was how they liked it.

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"Jesus!" said David Sr. loudly as he returned from another hard day of working for his father. If he thought he got a shock from seeing the state of his driveway he didn't know what a real shock was until he saw the state that Roach and Alice were in. He was half asleep with exhaustion but what he saw when he walked in the door woke him up better than coffee. Several things ran through his mind when he saw Alice's head on Roach's lap, none of them pleasant. Amanda shushed him and motioned for him to come into the kitchen, he followed her with wide eyes.

"They're asleep, I don't like it any better than you do but at least he's actually getting some sleep." Said Amanda as she added water to a boiling pot.

"That doesn't look like sleep." Said David Sr. sitting down and having a cup of coffee. He swore that he was about to have a heart attack but he was also proud of his oldest son, at least he found a girl willing to be that close to him. He knew that they were close and he didn't really want to think about how far their relationship went; he didn't want to know about the sex lives of any of his children.

"Well David, it is. Besides, he probably doesn't think about what we're thinking he thinks about with her." Said Amanda nervously. She had found the Polaroid's that Alice took that day including the one of the accidental kiss between Roach and Fool. She had to accept her son for who he was even if he was gay or more likely bi. She had seen him and Alice kiss before and she hoped that he wasn't forcing himself to be heterosexual; she hoped that he truly cared about her and that he could give her some grandchildren when e got older.

"He's a fifteen year old boy Amanda, his mind's only on one thing and it's currently sleeping on his lap. I'm gonna have to teach that by about privacy before we end up walking in on him like your mother did on us. That wasn't pleasant for anyone involved." Said David Sr. as he sipped his coffee idly. He didn't like how his wife seemed to think that their son was still five years old. He caught himself thinking that too but then he remembered that the year was 1991 not 1981 and his son was fifteen.

"Maybe not the only thing." Said Amanda nervously. She thought that it was better that her husband learn this from her and not by walking in on her son and that other boy. He didn't seem gay to her but then again he was a pretty strange boy.

"What are you getting at, Amanda?" said David Sr. not quite liking the tone of his wife's voice when she said that. Amanda took the meat out of the pot before resting her hand on the Polaroid in her pocket. This was going to be more difficult than when she told him that she was putting Donna on the pill.

"Well, you know that movie 'Blue Lagoon'?" said Amanda as she sat across from him. He cocked an eyebrow before nodding 'yes'. He was getting the feeling that it wasn't going to be a pleasant conversation.

"Well, those kids only had each other and were basically children in adult bodies. See, that almost mirrors David's situation because apparently those people want him, that Alice girl, and the other boys and girls they stole to be eternal children as far as I know." Said Amanda twisting a sock that was on the table nervously as she paused a bit. David Sr. did not like where the conversation was going but in a way he did. He assumed that his son and Alice were caught making love by his wife and he was proud of the boy. If he, with out a tongue and being covered in a series of scars which were disturbing by most standards, could find a girl than he was the proudest father there ever was. He did not look forward to having to explain safe sex though but he knew that it was a bridge that he was going to have to cross to keep his son from marching down to the isle to the barrel of a shot gun like he had to. That did not make for a good wedding picture.

"Get to the point Amanda, I don't have all day." Said David Sr. boredly as he tapped his foot impatiently. He had seen glaciers move faster than that conversation.

"Well, you and I both know that he knows about sex and since I'm betting that the Robeson's didn't teach him anything so un-childlike he must have figured it out for himself. Now, I'm guessing that the O'Dell girl didn't help him learn anything since I actually heard her ask him where babies came from once so there was only one other way for him to learn." Finished Amanda quietly. David Sr. turned paler than his sun light deprived oldest son; he hoped to God that his wife wasn't getting at what he thought she was getting at.

"Amanda, what are you getting at? So better not be getting at what I think you're getting at." Said David Sr. quietly in a controlled voice like he was talking about the weather. Amanda looked down at the blue tablecloth and bit her lower lip. She would have taken tell her husband that she was pregnant with Siamese twins above telling him that their oldest child might be gay.

"You know that Alice likes to take an insane amout of pictures, right? Well, she took a picture of our son and that little black boy he's friends with in a rather compromising position. Well, I think they might be more than friends." Said Amanda nervously as she took the Polaroid out of her front pocket and kept it flipped over. She didn't know how her husband would react as he turned several shades of red. She almost thought that he was going to turn into the incredible Hulk or something as he gripped the edges of the table.

"I hope to God that you mean him and Alice or Alice and the other boy." Said David Sr. through clenched teeth. He could have sworn that he was having a heart attack as several scenarios went through his mind, none of them pleasant. It wasn't that he had anything against gay people, what they did behind closed doors was their business, but he just didn't want his oldest son who shared his name to be one of them.

"Well, he might be bi sexual because I have seen him and her kiss and I think I heard bedsprings creaking earlier today but I'm not sure, I was sweeping pretty loudly. But he might not even be gay because it might just sex to him and –" started Amanda trying to be optimistic. David Sr. looked at her for a long time and was breathing deeply to try and calm himself down.

"Amanda, I'm going to get up. After I get up I am going to leave this room and when I come back you better have a defined answer for me or I'm sleeping on the couch." Said David Sr. as he did just that. His head was pounding and his mouth was so dry his tongue was sticking to his teeth. Post traumatic stress disorder he could deal with, muteness he could deal with, he could even deal with the fact that his son seemed to have lost his mind at times with the self harming and the clinginess but homosexuality was something that David Sr. knew that he couldn't deal with. Hell, he could deal with rape better than he could deal with that. He walked into the living room to give Amanda some time to give him a good answer that she was sure of and he looked at his son. He didn't look gay but then again a lot of things about his son were strange. He walked back into the kitchen to find Amanda standing by the door waiting for him, a Polaroid photograph in her right hand.

"That girl really needs to hold onto her pictures better." Said Amanda simply as she set everyone a place, including Alice who she suspected would be staying for dinner. David Sr. looked at the Polaroid and blinked a few times. He turned beet red and then pale white and Amanda readied herself by the phone incase she had to dial 9-1-1.

"I'll be in my model room also known as the garage. Call me when dinner's ready." Said David Sr. emotionlessly. He turned and left out the back door and made his way to his garage to build a toothpick model of Mount Rushmore. He was in a state of shock as he acted purely on auto pilot, gluing and stacking. Every time something put a particularly large amount of stress on him he built another complicated model. He was up to seven thousand and thirty five. He led a very stressful life.

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Loud banging on the front door was what finally woke Roach and Alice up. They looked at each other still half asleep before Roach went to open the front door. Debbie continued to bang loudly until she hit Roach in the head. It didn't really bother him that much though; he had felt much worse pain in his fifteen years of life.

"Is my sister over here?!" asked Debbie in a panicked voice. Her parents were truly angry with her for the first time in a very long time. They had gotten ticked at her a few tomes but this was true anger. She couldn't believe that she had lost her sister but she was happy that she at least had a pretty good idea of where she would be.

"Hi Debbie." Said Alice as she walked into the front hallway. Debbie took a look at her rumpled hair and clothes and then took a look at Roach's equally disheveled appearance and blushed a deep red. She thought that she had interrupted something but in a way she was glad that she did. Her parents would kill her if she came home while under her watch with her sister carrying the next Cullen child.

"Thank God! Mom's worried sick, I was even worried. C'mon, it's dinner time anyway." Said Debbie leading her out the door as Alice tried to put her shoes back on. Roach was sad to see her go but he was also in a way grateful, he was half hard and his pants were only a bit baggie. He waved 'goodbye' to her and she blew him a kiss. Roach blushed before slowly closing the door. His heart was beating so fast he could hear it. He thought for one moment that that wasn't just an innocently blown kiss but something a girlfriend would give to her boyfriend. He then shook his head; that was crazy. Alice didn't like him like that, right? His mother called everyone to dinner and he went to his place at the table. Donna began to record him as he grimaced at the unidentifiable piece of meat in front of him but then remembered that he had eaten worse things before, like rats. The meal commenced a little less than normal. Morgan was still cracking up and mouthing things that questioned Roach's sexual preference and Trysta was still smiling like she was stuck like that. Dot looked clean for once in her life and his mother kept sending glances his way. He was used to people looking at hi and paid her no mind as he mixed his meat in with his creamed corn to give it flavor. He ate slowly and self consciously; whenever he ate it got everywhere but his mouth and he chocked sometimes. His father came in sometime later looking almost like a zombie. He didn't complain about the food like the others did, he didn't even glance at it as he began to eat. Roach found this strange and decided to follow his father around that night to see if eh could figure out what was on his mind. He was good at following people, he was used to it. He finished his meal with his father looking at him. He rubbed the back of his neck self consciously as he washed his plate. He didn't feel like watching television since the news came on at that time and he really didn't need to be reminded of Mommy and Daddy and the people under the stairs. He was a bit curious about how Messenger was doing though but not enough to jog his memory of that horrible time in his life.

"David, c'mere for a minute." Said David Sr. as Roach began to climb the stairs to his room. Roach looked at his father like he looked at Daddy for a moment before remembering that he wasn't at the house anymore, he was home and with his real family that loved him very much even if they were a bit annoying. David Sr. caught that look and looked at his son in sympathy but he felt a burning rage for Eldon Robeson. That was a look that no son should ever give his father, ever.

"Yeah?" asked Roach quietly as he was lead to the garage. He hadn't seen the inside of the garage that many times, it was his father's space and he respected that. He didn't understand what was so interesting about that place anyway, it was just boxes and shelves full of tiny toothpick models.

"Sit down." Said David Sr. as he motioned to a stool. Roach felt himself getting sweaty from fear and nervousness even though he tried to calm himself down. He kept reminding himself that nothing bad was going to happen but his body wasn't listening as his muscles tensed up. David Sr. noticed and sat down too to put his son at ease. It helped but only a bit.

'Why am I here?' wrote Roach his handwriting slightly illegible because his hand was shaking. He hated the feeling of being afraid but he knew that there was nothing that he could do to stop it, it was out of his control and he hated it. David Sr. read the note and took in a deep, shaky breath. He could think of twenty other conversations he would have rather had been having with his son that didn't involve putting anyone's sexuality into question. Twenty five when he really thought about it.

"Well you see…uhh…hey, is that a hickey?" said David Sr. noticing the red mark on his son's neck. Roach pulled the neckline of his T-shirt up, he didn't have time to change into a collared shirt because of what he caught Alice doing. He blushed and looked down at the cockroaches running across the concrete floor, he suddenly wished that he was really one of them so he could disappear within the cracks of the floor with them.

"I know that's a hickey David Jr., I've had and given enough to know." Said David Sr. fearing that the hickey on his son's neck was the result of an occurrence between him and the other boy. He went pale when he remembered Amanda had said about bedsprings; that was on his list of things he couldn't deal with. Roach gave him a pleading look that clearly said 'drop it' but David Sr. wasn't going to drop it.

"Who gave that to you? David Jr., don't dare try and lie to me, you can't get anything past me. Nobody can and no one ever has." Said David Sr. as Dot walked behind him with a can of paint and a paint roller but he didn't notice her. Roach shrunk under his gaze, he decided not to tell his father about what had transpired between him and Alice. It was very private and he was uncomfortable even remembering it. He took his son's embarrassment as confirmation of his worst fear. He suddenly began to blame himself for what he thought his son was but he vowed to do everything with in his power to make his son normal even if it killed him.

"The look on your face is enough answer for me, you really should get rid of the evidence you know, then we wouldn't be having these conversations." Said David Sr. Before Roach could ask what he meant David Sr. handed Roach the Polaroid of what transpired between him and Fool that morning. Roach's eyes went wide and his jaw dropped giving his father a very good view of his tongue stump. Roach began to rapidly shake his head 'no'. He fumbled with his tiny notebook because he was so agitated from the shock. His father thought he loved Fool? That was insane! He needed to clear the whole thing up with his father before things went even farther and a boy/boy wedding was being planned if such a thing was even legal in their state.

'That was ACCIDENTAL! Fool didn't mean to kiss me! I didn't want him to kiss me! Fool fell on top of me and why Alice felt the need to take a picture of that I'll never know. I like women, I'm not like that. Fool maybe, he seemed to enjoy that but not me. Hell, you've seen what's under my bed.' Wrote Roach quickly, his handwriting worse than ever. David Sr. read it over a few times before pulling his son in for a fatherly hug. Roach tensed up at the sudden contact but he didn't pull away, it was almost nice. Almost. David Sr. began to cry and Roach felt a bit uncomfortable.

"Oh son, you don't know how happy this makes me!" said David Sr. as he let go of Roach. Roach looked at him like he was crazy and David Sr. instantly composed himself to the best of his abilities. He didn't question his son's story even though it sounded a bit far fetched because he wanted so desperately to believe that his son was a normal, straight, mute, and just a bit disturbed boy with several disorders. He looked at his son and then noticed the hickey. He then wondered if he didn't get it from the other boy than the only other person he could have gotten it from was Alice.

"Hey David, who did you get that hickey from then if it wasn't the other boy?" asked David Sr. as Roach looked down in embarrassment. He wondered why his father didn't just drop the subject; then everything would be more pleasant for everyone.

"You can tell me, this is just between guys. What you tell me won't leave this garage, David Jr." said David Sr. as he put a reassuring hand on his son's shoulder. He was brought back to the bedsprings comment and several much more pleasant than before but still unpleasant scenarios ran through his mind involving his son and Alice. Roach looked up, then he looked around the garage to see if Donna was recording it but he then remembered that he hadn't seen much of Donna the whole day. He hoped that she was dropping the whole recording thing, then maybe he could have a few moments of peace. He decide to tell his father about how confused he was feeling; the man seemed to be good at helping him solve problems and he seemed to be a good advice giver too. Maybe it was because his father was already an adult in his early thirties with almost twice as many years of life experience as him while was just a fifteen year old boy.

'Alice did it. I don't think she meant to but it just sort of happened. I'm confused too because I think that's he might be in love with me and I want to ask her but if she says no I don't know what I'd do. She's my best friend.' Wrote Roach as he looked down, he was now a shade a red that he didn't even think was possible. David Sr. read the note and then looked over at his son. He was happy that his son was having a problem involving a girl; it was normal for a fifteen year old boy to have problems with girls and Alice was actually a girl and not a boy. He didn't know which he was happier about, the fact that his son was asking him for advice like a son should or the fact that Alice was a girl. He wasn't going to dodge this question like he did the first time his son asked him about girls; he was going to be a good father, the best father he could be to his son. Even if it killed him.

"All you did was kiss her, you guys didn't do…other things?" asked David Sr. nonchalantly like he was talking about the weather. Roach blinked a few times before nodding 'no' furiously. He didn't know what would posses his father to think that but he had bigger questions to ask.

"Well, I'm kinda glad for that but if you do ever sleep with her or any girl remember what I said about knocking her up. You better remember because you ain't gonna march down the isle to the barrel of a shot gun like I did. Now as for your problem I'd just ask her out. If she says no you can still be friends and if she says yes you've got yourself a girlfriend but don't call her your girlfriend until the third date. You'll like the third date, that's the best one. Of course with your mother it was the second date but I'm really not gonna tell my first born son or any of my kids about that.' Said David Sr. patting his son on the back. He hoped that that helped and he hoped that his son had some luck with this Alice girl. He was grateful that his son was normal in a way and felt that there was hope for him. Roach looked at his father like he had just told hi to brun his name in gasoline on her front lawn. Did he actually say what he thought he said? Did he actually tell him to-to-he couldn't even think about it. Just thinking about being in a romantic situation with Alice that wasn't unintentional or for practice made his heart beat faster than it ever had before. He was nervous enough when he put his arm around her and gave her that light kiss but this, this was even worse. He decided to seriously reconsider his opinion of his father's advice.

"Or you could just live with the confusion, keep being her best friend and watch her marry another man when you guys grow up and you'll spend the rest of your life wondering about the one that got away." Said David Sr. as he led his son to the door as a way of getting him out. He decided to give his son some time to think about what he was just told but before Roach left he gave his father a nod that meant 'yes'.

"Tell me how it goes and don't go too far until the third date. Oh, and don't look down her shirt either, I noticed that you tend to do that to women. They don't like that for some reason." Said David Sr. as Roach left. Roach walked up to his room in a daze, wondering how he was going to ask his best friend out on his first date.

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Alice was giddy the whole way home. She wasn't letting to much of it show because Debbie had the tendency to ask questions about her love life. That didn't' stop her though, she had seen where Alice's head was through the window when she had gotten there and she was shocked. She dressed like a slut but she had enough decency to wait until the guys parents left. Her sister dressed like she was an aspiring nun but she was doing felattio on a guy's living room couch with his mother not to far away. How appearances deceived.

"So uh…like, how was your time at David's place?" giggled Debbie as she ran a stop sign. The person in the other car gave her the finger but she didn't mind in the least bit, she was used to it. Alice smiled and looked at the link shag on the floor of Debbie's custom car before giggling loudly. Debbie cocked an eyebrow at her sister's behavior but she didn't ask why she was laughing, it was normal Alice behavior to do laugh or cry with out any apparent reason. It was oddly comforting to Debbie in a way, just a bit or consistency in her rather distant family.

"It was…nice." Said Alice taking a bit of time to choose the right word to describe the rollercoaster that was her day.

"I bet it was, Allie. So, how did it taste?" asked Debbie slyly. During the last few days she had found nothing more interesting than her little sister's strange but wild love life. That was how she was reassured that they were sister's, they were both wild in their own way. She considered herself to be a loud kind of wild while her sister was more of the subtle, good girl type the ever so often just cut loose.

"How did what taste?" asked Alice as she picked a candy wrapper out from her now slightly frizzy hair. She always found things in her hair, clothes, or shoes whenever she came back from Roach's house and she found it mildly amusing.

"You totally know what I mean sis." Said Debbie looking right at her and not the road which made Alice just a bit nervous. She hoped that they didn't get into a car crash like on TV, the people in the car crashes usually didn't make it out alright and she really didn't want to go back to that hospital place; too many knew people and everything was a boring color.

"I, like, don't know what you mean, Debbie." Said Alice mirroring her sister's valley girl tone and speech. She liked the way Debbie talked and acted even if it didn't make much sense to her. She wanted to be like her sister who wasn't afraid of people or punishment and knew how to have fun even when there wasn't any fun to be had.

"Sure ya do, you can't hide stuff from me, I see everything." Said Debbie as she almost hit a mailbox.

"Look out!" yelled Alice as they almost hit a mailbox. Debbie turned just in time and the people who owned the mailbox began to shout obscenities and death threats at them but Debbie just gave them the finger.

"Well, I didn't see that. Don't tell mom or dad about that, they might take my license away like they did the time I ran over the neighbor's cat."

"Alright Debbie, I won't tell real mother and father." Said Alice who didn't want to get her sister in trouble. She wasn't even sure if Debbie would get a bad punishment like she used to but she didn't want to risk it.

"Thanks bunches Allie. Hey, why do you call them that anyway?"

"Because they're my real mother and father." Said Alice like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"So why don't you call me real sister then?"

"Because I never had a fake sister, just fake parents."

"You're kinda weird, you know that?"

"To me you're a bit strange too but that's why I like you."

"Thanks, Alice. So back to the subject I looked through the window, I saw your head in his lap." Said Debbie slyly. Alice looked up at her confused. She didn't even know what to think at the moment so she just gave her sister a long look.

"What? You have no idea what I'm talking about, do you?"

"No, not really."

"Well, it has something to do with sex." Said Debbie. She wished that she was allowed to touch Alice's camera so that she could take a picture of her sister's shocked expression.

"I didn't have sex with Roach!" said Alice shocked at what her sister was saying. All she did was kiss him with her tongue and let him touch her, she didn't let him have sex with her. She didn't even know why anybody in their right mind would want to have sex, the whole thing sounded painful and nasty to her.

"What I said isn't technically sex but it does feel good, for him anyway. For us we get nothin' out of it." Said Debbie who took it upon herself to explain these things to her younger sister. She was often surprised by her naivety but she was getting used to it. She just had to remind herself that yes indeed her sister had been living under a rock for the past twelve years.

"Well I didn't do anything like that to Roach; he's only my best friend." Said Alice as they pulled into her driveway. She didn't quite understand what Debbie was saying but it struck her as something a good girl like her wouldn't do, not that she was entirely good but she knew that she was a better girl than Debbie.

"Then what, pray tell, were you doing?"

"I fell asleep."

"Sure, and I'm joining a convent as soon as I graduate from high school." Said Debbie as she unlocked the front door. Alice looked at her for a long time with a curious expression on her face. Debbie sighed.

"A convent is a place where nuns live. You know, those singing penguin ladies you watch on the religious channel." Said Debbie as she led her sister into the house.

"You were being sarcastic, right? Roach told me all about sarcasm, he knows everything." Said Alice as she took her shoes off and put them in line with the others by the front door. Cleanliness was next to godliness in her mind. It was one of her many personal philosophies to live by.

"No I was being sincere, I'm gonna go out right now and by a penguin suit." Said Debbie sarcastically. Alice gave her a long look.

"I was being sarcastic then too and I really don't think that that guy knows everything. Remember sis, he was living under the same rock you were."

"Rock?" asked Alice quietly. She didn't understand most expressions and she hated it because it made her feel stupid sometimes.

"It's an expression now c'mon, mom's probably got diner ready." And with that they made their way to the dinner table. What Debbie had implied consumed her thoughts for a moment but that moment was broken when her father uttered the most horrible words that she knew.

"Could you keep it down, I've got a headache." Said Ronald as he put his head in his hands, it had been a long day at work and his head was killing him. If he had been looking up he would have caught that deer in the headlights look that his youngest daughter had given him. Alice went pale and looked right at her father. She stopped breathing and her heart stopped beating. After that the memories came and each scar that was hidden under her clothes seemed to hurt just like they did when they were first inflicted upon her. She acted in a panicked haze as she ran to her room.

"I guess she's not hungry, I better save her some. That's the good thing about my nutritious jell-o meals, they keep." Said Mary-Ann as she took the top off of some green jell-o that had vegetables floating in it.

"She doesn't like jell-o Mary-Ann, she told me." Said Ronald through his hands and he put his head down on the table. It was times like these that made him want to quite being an accountant.

"Well, she should have said something earlier today so I could have mad something else. Besides, she can't have her way all the time Ronald, I think that's where we went wrong with Debbie." Said Mary-Ann as she served everyone's dinner with a Christmas cookie cutter

"Hey, I resent that! Besides, didn't you guys see her?"

"Yeah, she really should wear some pants once in a while, it'd be more normal." Said Mary-Ann as she sat down to her meal ignoring her husbands moaning.

"No, she looked scared and not her usual 'This is new therefore scary' scared this was 'I'm gonna die' scared."

"Why would she think she was gonna die? Are you even sure about this Debbie?" asked Ronald as he took an Asprin and gritted his teeth

"Why does she do half the stuff she does? Besides, she got scared when you said that you had a headache." Said Debbie attempting to pick the peas out of her dinner. Why her mother didn't make normal food she'd never know.

"I better go talk to her, make sure my dinner doesn't melt, would ya?" said Ronald as he got up from the table and made his way to his daughter's room. He hoped that Debbie was just misreading her, he didn't know what could be scary about him having a headache. Maybe she thought that he was going to die? Or maybe it was some strange Alice reason like why she cleaned obsessively and why she was afraid of the attic and cellar. He opened the door to her pink bedroom and looked around.

"Honey, are you in here?" asked Ronald as she surveyed the room for any signs of his daughter. Alice brought her knees up to her chest and began to breath heavily. Her father had been so nice but she knew from experience that fathers became unpredictable when they got headaches. She knew how he was going to get rid of the headache and began to pray that he didn't bruise her face or any part of her that clothes didn't cover. It was her secret fear, having people stare at her like they started at Roach because of the scars and burns and bruises that covered his body. Ronald walked around the room before noticing that the door to her closet was slightly ajar. He opened it and found his daughter attempting to hide behind dresses that would have been better suited for a small child than a fourteen year old girl.

"Is there any reason that you're hiding in the closet?" asked Ronald as he crouched down to her level. Alice looked at him, her eyes filled with pure fear. She stood up and walked out of the closet while hugging her arms to herself defensively. Ronald was confused by this behavior and watched her as she stood in the middle of her room and looked down at the ground. A few silent tears fell from her eyes and dripped onto the floor with little plops. Ronald was confused and scared by his daughter's behavior.

"Alice honey, what's wrong?" asked Ronald as he walked over to her. She looked up at him and backed away in fear. She mumbled something incoherent.

"Honey, please speak up? Please?" asked Ronald as he put a reassuring hand on her arm. He pulled his hand back quickly as all of the muscles on her arm tensed.

"You have a headache." Said Alice as she eyes the thin leather belt of his suit. She wanted to crawl into a hole and die right then and there. She wondered if it would hurt when he hit her with it, it didn't really look like it could do much damage.

"And?" asked Ronald confused as he sat on her bed and just watched her as she shrunk back in fear. She just wanted it to start so it could be over quicker and she could go back to trying to be a good girl. Ronald wondered why she was crying and why she seemed to be afraid of him. He wanted to hold her close to him and reassure her that everything was going to be alright but he got the feeling that then wouldn't be the best time to try and touch her.

"You're going to get rid of it." Said Alice as she bit her lower lip to keep from sobbing loudly. She knew from experience that crying would only prolong her suffering.

"How?" asked Ronald hoping against hope that she didn't think what he thought she was thinking.

"By making me pay."

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Poor Alice, please review!