"Okay, that's it for today. Good work everyone, and Karen it's great to have you back."

"Thanks Marty. Good to be back" Karen smiled.

It was her first day back in rehearsals and even though it had been a tough session, she loved every second of it. It was also a little bit of a release for her. A time to just lose herself in the performance again. She hadn't realised how much she'd missed that feeling.

Something had changed though between her and Josh. On the surface he was still the same cheeky charming self, but there was something missing between them. That easy banter they shared.

"Hey!" Karen said, making her way over to Josh at the end of the session. "Good day huh?"

"Yeah it was. Good to have you back Cartwright."

"Thanks Josh."

She looked at him, but he was busy packing his bag, avoiding her gaze.

"Josh?"

"Yeah Cartwright?"

"I just ... I ... Josh are we okay?"

He looked up, clearly surprised at the question.

"Course we are. Why wouldn't we be?"

"I don't know. Just after everything that's happened. I just ..."

"Hey, we're friends right? Friends. Just like we've always been."

"Sure" Karen smiled. "I just ..."

"I think you've got a visitor" Josh suddenly interrupted, gesturing towards the door and she span around to see Derek walking towards them.

"Hey gorgeous" he said, kissing her gently on the lips. "Good day?"

"Yeah great. It's so good to be back. I'm way off the pace though" she laughed. "Josh has been pretty patient considering I mucked up about 15 times!"

"Don't be so hard on yourself Cartwright. It was only 14 times" Josh grinned. "Hi Derek. Good to see you."

"Thanks Josh" Derek smiled.

"Well seeing as this is the politest I've ever seen you two together, I'm going to trust you to behave while I go and get my bag and have a quick word with Marty" Karen laughed. "Won't be long."

Josh watched Karen as she made her way over to the producer. Truth was, he was struggling. He'd never allowed himself to believe he and Karen could be anything more than friends, but he couldn't help the way he felt either ... the way she made him feel. He'd fallen for her hard these past few weeks, he couldn't deny it. And just now, as he'd watched Derek tenderly kiss Karen, a pang of jealousy shot through him. He was in love with her.

Where normally he'd flirt with Karen and jokingly tease her, he hadnt been able to do that today. Things had changed the night of Kyle's benefit. It was what wasnt said that mattered. Of course Karen had picked up on it today, however hard he'd tried to act normally. But he couldn't be the same with her feeling the way he did. He didn't know what to do. He didn't blame Karen. She'd never asked anything more from him than friendship. Of course there was their moment of passion ... but Karen was hurting at the time, not thinking straight, and he couldn't be mad at her for that.

He was suddenly stirred from his thoughts when he realised Derek was talking to him.

"Sorry Derek, I was in another world."

"That's the effect she has on people" Derek smiled knowingly.

"Look Derek, if this is going to be an ..."

"No it's not. Just hear me out okay. Look Josh, I know you and I haven't always seen eye to eye, but, well, things have changed now, and I guess I'm not soooo stubborn that i cant realise when I've been a bit of a prick where you've been concerned so, well, I ummm, just wanted to say I'm sorry."

"Oh my god! The great Derek Wills ... apologising!" Josh joked.

"yeah well ... remember this day, cos it won't happen again!" Derek smiled. "I also wanted to thank you"

"Thank me? For what?"

"For being there for Karen. I know how tough I made things for her, but I'm so grateful for everything that you did for her. After, well, you know, and then with her accident. She told me how she wouldn't have gotten through it without you. She cares about you Josh. She cares about you a lot."

"Well we're friends, and that's what friends do for each other."

Derek simply smiled. "Josh, I love Karen more than anything. All I want for her is to be happy, and well, put it this way, there's a chance I might not get through th ..."

"Derek, please, you don't ..."

"No I do. I do have to say this. Look Josh, I know this is asking a lot, but, if, well you know ... if I knew that you'd be there for her, in case ..."

"Of course I'll be there for her Derek, you don't need to ask. Like I said, we're friends. You know I think the world of Karen."

"That's not entirely what I meant Josh"

"Wow, still both in one piece!" Karen suddenly interrupted, walking towards them with a big smile on her face. "Everything okay?"

"Sure!" said Josh. "Derek was just apologising to me for being such a prat!"

"Don't push your luck Jennings!" Derek smiled. "You ready to go sweetheart?"

"Yeah all done. See you tomorrow Josh. Break a leg tonight."

"Will do. Good to have you back Cartwright."

"Thanks."

He watched as Derek and Karen made their way out. His mind immediately went to what Derek had just said. "That's not entirely what I meant Josh." What exactly did he mean by that?

"What were you and Josh talking about earlier?" Karen asked, as she and Derek sat at the kitchen counter, finishing off their dinner.

"Oh, nothing much. Boy chat. He's not allllllll bad I guess."

Karen smiled. "Thank you Derek"

"For what?"

"You know what!" Karen said, leaning across the table to kiss him.

"Karen?" he asked, as she began clearing the plates away from the table.

"Yeah?"

"You know we need to talk about this."

"About what?"

"About what happens if ... if I don't ... well if something happens during surgery."

Karen could feel her heart start to race. She couldn't deal with this now. She couldn't think about the possibility she might lose him. Not yet. She didn't reply as she rushed to the kitchen and began throwing things into the dishwasher.

"Karen?" he said, as he came to stand behind her and gently put his arms around her. "We can't pretend this isn't a possibility you know."

"I'm not pretending" she said, her voice trembling. "But that's all it is Derek, a small possibility, nothing more. You're going to be fine."

"Karen? Karen, look at me sweetheart."

She did as he said, and turned to face him, as he gently stroked her face and kissed her on the forehead.

"You know I'd pray to anyone who'll listen if it means me coming out of this okay. And I'm going to fight harder than I've ever fought for anything, but ... Karen, listen to me darling. You've made me so happy. I don't think you'll ever realise how much. I wasn't really living until I met you. Whatever happens, I'm just so grateful for this time we had together..."

"Oh my god Derek! Just stop talking in the past tense will you. You're acting like you're dead already."

She couldn't handle this, and moved to push past him, but he grabbed her hand to stop her.

"Karen"

"Please Derek, just stop" she said, as she sprinted up the stairs and ran to the bedroom, shutting the door behind her. She lay on the bed, tears flowing. She couldn't think about this now.

After a while she heard him open the door, and felt him lie down on the bed behind her.

"I'm sorry Karen" he said, as he wrapped his arm around her and took her hand in his. "I just, I can't go into surgery without knowing you'll be okay. I need to know that, god forbid, if anything did happen, you'll get through it. I need you to stay strong. You're my rock Karen, but I need you to be strong even if I'm not here ... okay?"

"Okay?" he asked again.

She slowly turned over to face him, and ran her fingers through his hair.

"Okay" she whispered, her voice still shaking. "I love you so much Derek."

"I love you too darling."

He wrapped her in his arms and held her tight. She felt so secure in his arms, she didn't want him to ever let go. Derek was right. She did need to accept that there was a possibility he might not make it through the surgery, but she just couldn't bring herself to do it yet. She wasn't ready to say goodbye.

AN: thanks for continuing to read everyone. So I'm at that point where I've kind of got to make a decision where this story goes. I basically have 2 scenarios in my mind, but I'm so torn because the story I'm leaning towards is the tougher one to write, even if I think it makes for a better, and maybe more realistic story. And then the other scenario is maybe the more predictable but also bittersweet in a way. I don't know what to do, lol! Please keep reading though. All your reviews make this really worthwhile, thank you :)