Chapter 0026: Uniformity is not always the way to go

Kirsten found herself in the middle of a group of Newpsies, and it was disconcerting.

"Have you managed to find something?" – one of the women questioned in a high voice – "Oh, Kirsten, we just can't understand why you left the Newport Group! You'd been there since forever!" – that made Kirsten want to grimace; the Group was the only place she'd ever worked at, and the reminder was irritating.

"It was just time to move on, I guess" – she said plainly.

"Are you thinking of changing careers, maybe?" – another woman went next.

"Oh, I always thought you would do so well planning parties!"

The women clearly didn't need much of her input in what she should do with her life now that she was no longer under her father's thumb, so she decided to just hang back and enjoy her wine. The Newpsies, bless their heart, were all too adept at talking about a person without that person needing to even open their mouths, and since they were just being their usual flighty, well meaning but sly selves, Kirsten didn't think it was a bad idea to just smile and drink away.

"What does Sandy think of all of this?" – one of them snapped Kirsten out of her trance, and she internally shook herself off of it.

"Sorry?"

"Sandy! He must be feeling the heat, being the only breadwinner" – they all laughed a little disdainfully, well aware of Sandy's morals and lack of interest in being a corporate lawyer (like some of their husbands, in fact).

"He's being very supportive" – she opened a serene, if cold grin – "He's such a wonderful husband" – they blinked and shifted in place awkwardly for a moment.

"Ah, I've been meaning to ask, you know. How's your, ah, brother getting on at Harbor?"

"Ryan is doing just fine"

"Isn't that great? My daughter said he's a very quiet boy"

"He is" – Kirsten said briefly, but it was clear to her that the women's interest was peaked.

"And he's so handsome too! You two are so unlike, it's downright uncanny!"

"I suppose" – that comparison Kirsten didn't mind.

"He's in the soccer team, is it?"

"That's right"

"Athletic, handsome and smart, from what I understand. You got the jackpot!"

Oh yes, what a jackpot. A brother she never knew about, who grew up with a mother capable of leaving him behind without a second glance, a supposed father in jail and a brother who pushed him into criminal activity; that Ryan came out like he did, able to blend in at Harbor, to follow his interests in sports and do well was nothing short of a miracle, and she was so damn proud of him! But it was nothing she would ever voice to the Newpsies. Obviously.

"I suppose I did"

"He's friends with that Ward boy, isn't he?"

"I think so, yes. Luke is a nice kid"

"Did you hear about his father?"

"Luke's father?"

"Yes! It's all over! His wife is going to leave him!"

"Why?"

"You haven't–? Oh, it's awful!" – the woman leaned in and Kirsten automatically followed suit – "He's gay" – she stage whispered.

"Luke's father is–?"

"Yeap. He got caught with his pants down. Well, not literally, I don't think, but people saw him kissing his partner! How scandalous is that?!"

"That sounds–" – terrible for Luke, his brothers, his mother, his father.

"Doesn't it?! Oh, Kirsten, maybe you should tell your sons– I mean, your son and your brother not to hang out with Luke anymore! I told Julie Cooper the same thing, I mean, Marissa is such a darling girl"

"Why shouldn't I let my kids be friends with Luke anymore?"

"Because of his father, of course!"

"I... Don't see how that has anything to do with anything" – they gasped.

"But Kirsten–! You'd let your kids be around a man who would be so crass as to– Well, you know"

"... Be gay?"

"With his business partner! And under his own wife's nose too! Oh, just the thought of it"

Personally, Kirsten had the cruel thought that maybe they, too, needed a wake–up call in their lives. Julie had survived Jimmy's crimes, Kirsten had survived her father's lies, and Luke and his family surely would survive this scandal.

"Well, you know kids, if I tell them not to be friends with someone, that's exactly what they'll do" – she said instead with a pleasant smile – "Besides, they're old enough to decide for themselves who to be around"

Like you, a voice whispered in her ear.

"I still think you should tell the boys at least not to go over to the Wards. I mean, what if the man is around and he tries something?"

"He's just gay, he was caught kissing his partner, not a child" – Kirsten protested with a frown.

"Don't be naïve, Kirsten, men like these–"

"Are we about to go buy pitchforks and head over to the Wards?" – she blurted out and received incredulous looks.

"What a thought, Kirsten! That's so dramatic!"

"THAT is dramatic?"

"Of course, what else? Gosh, Kirsten, you are being so odd today"

"I– You know what? I'm so sorry, I didn't realize the time! I have to go, the boys, you know, I need to talk to them"

"Oh. Well, okay. Hum, think about what we said, okay? You can never be too careful"

"And consider the party planning thing! You'd make a killing~!"

Kirsten gave them a final grin that was almost a grimace and turned around to leave.

When she got home, Ryan, Seth, Anna and Lindsay were deep in their books, and Kirsten had to clear her throat to get their attention.

"Kids, may I ask a question?"

"You mean another one?" – Seth piped up and the girls kicked him almost in unison. He yelped and pouted, but said no more.

"Yes, dear son. So, I just came back from meeting with the Newpsies, and I was just wondering if you've heard anything about Luke's dad" – she observed as the kids traded nervous looks.

"What about him?" – Ryan bravely asked.

"Seems there are some rumors going around about him"

"There may be" – Seth conceded – "So?"

"So, I'd like to know if that's going to impact your friendship with him"

"Should it?"

"Where I'm concerned, and I'm sure your father as well, no, not at all. I hope this doesn't change anything on your end, anyway"

"Yeah" – Seth shrugged – "Luke's at home, I guess, dealing with– You know, otherwise he'd be here. The big guy is bizarrely good with Biology, and as you know, mother, I hate all life on Earth other than humans, and not even them for the most part, so it's good to have someone around who does not feel the same way" – that made the other kids snort.

"Oh Seth. Well, so, you're all good with Luke?"

"We are"

"Good. Girls, are you staying over for dinner?"

"If it's not too much trouble, Mrs. Cohen" – Lindsay chirped sweetly.

"Not at all. How about we girls choose the menu today? The boys have too much free reign with the take out menus in my opinion" – Anna smirked at Seth, who groaned.

"Mom! No fair! It's gonna be salad fest if they have their way!"

"What's wrong with eating healthy, huh?" – Anna poked his arm – "A salad won't kill you"

"Oh, it will too, I'll starve!"

"In one night? Unlikely"

"But should we take the chance? I don't think we should, at all! Mother, please!"

"I don't see Ryan complaining"

"That's because he LIKES the healthy crap these two shove our way every chance they get! He's a fiend!"

"Ah, that's called taking care of myself, actually" – Ryan interjected, and Seth wailed about it in a way that made Kirsten smile fondly.

"Surrounded by healthy freaks! Rescue me, mother! Please!"

"Sorry, you're outvoted"

"Where's dad when I need 'im? He'll back me up"

"Don't even. Well, I'm gonna go freshen up, you kids get back to studying" – she gave her son a hard look and he sniffed before doing as told.

Kirsten went to her room, and into her bathroom, and stared herself in the mirror. All she saw was a Newpsie, one of the women her own son mocked, that her husband scoffed at. With a frown, she stared at herself a little more before hurrying to her closet and furiously looking for something that would make her feel like herself, like the girl Sandy Cohen fell in love with, like the woman who couldn't get angry when her son wrote all over the walls when he was two, like the woman that up and quit on her father, like the woman who became a mother to her sixteen year old brother with open arms.

Finally, she found a pair of jeans and a long forgotten but beloved sweater that had once belonged to her mom. She sniffed it and closed her eyes for a moment after putting it on, then smiled to herself.

It was a weird life that she was living, but somewhere along the way, she thought she had become Kirsten Cohen for the first time in a very long time.

Kirsten grows up and opens her eyes wide open to the shitty and petty and gross nature of Newport and the Newpsies, and Luke's canon situation shows up ahead of time but fuck it.

Also, regarding the previous chapter, because someone asked about it. Luke is a Newport kid thru and thru, and him joking about stealing alcohol? Canon as far as I see it. The kids at Harbor don't know much about Ryan's past, as they shouldn't, there would be little reason for them to know much about it, his dislike of alcohol/drugs and those who partake in it to excess, so yeah, Luke was being Luke, but the moment his offer was shut down, he backed down and played it off as a joke, though at this point, Ryan still doesn't know Luke well enough to know that yes, he's not all douchebag water polo player, and yes, he's a goofball, but also, he is a sensitive dude (he WAS the only person besides Ryan who truly saw right through Oliver's bullshit, after all) and can read a room.

As for Ryan realizing the positive effect he's having on the family? LOL Yeah, that's not gonna happen any time soon. This adorable ball of insecurity? Nah. It's sad, of course, however, I think it speaks not only about his lack of self esteem, but also his lack of perspective, which's totally understandable since people haven't really been going, Oh yeah, Kirsten/Sandy/Seth used to be waaaaay different before you came along. The changes in them have been happening since the moment he arrived, so to him it could be they are adjusting to his presence but it's nothing extraordinary. I'm sure that he would've heard much about Seth and Luke not getting along, about Luke being a bully, but he never got the full brunt of it as in the show, so Seth and Luke becoming friendly? Sure, why not, he doesn't really know any better.

Catherine is trying to raise Ryan's self–worth and show him that, dude, you got it, you're awesome, but I think everyone knows that compliments mean jack shit when you're not confident in yourself, and it's an internal work. In Ryan's case, it's all too internalized and slower than a snail, so... Yeah, he'll keep being dismissive of his hobby and his efforts, just seeing the errors he's made, and the unpolished details – as he sees himself, of course. It will play a significant part in the near future, though I haven't gotten around to writing it yet. Stay tuned.