The Doctor had long lived with the self-assurance that, no matter what his future held, nothing could ever be more horrific and painful than the Last Great Time War. Only he hadn't known that there was one final battle of the Time War still to come. As though the guilt of committing double genocide and the loss of his people weren't enough, he had to face his greatest nightmare again… and lose Rose.
His precious Rose that had made life beautiful again. She made every day something to look forward to. Her touch, her voice, her smile... they had been healing balms. No matter how troubled he ever was, a supportive look from her could mollify him. Not that she hadn't challenged him. She had and he'd needed that, also. Whether he felt lost or was blinded by his own arrogance, Rose had been there to guide him. She rebuked him when necessary, but was always there to comfort and support him after. He didn't know how he'd ever gotten on without her. Now that she was gone, he questioned how he was ever going to go on without her again.
Thoughts of her were with him no matter what he did. He couldn't escape them, couldn't run from them no matter how he tried, and couldn't even distract himself from them.
The moment after he lost Rose, after seeing and feeling her burn up with time energy, he stood frozen in absolute shock and horror. His mind had shut down as he stood alone in the silent, empty Game Station. Several minutes passed without a single movement. The Doctor acknowledged his tears with a touch… and then he ran. Once aboard the TARDIS, he immediately set a random course and exited the TARDIS as soon as he landed. The TARDIS was filled with memories of Rose and he couldn't bear to dwell on them. He couldn't accept that she wasn't there or that she never would be again.
Going to new places, places he'd never been with Rose, didn't help though. He only spent the time imagining what Rose would think of the things there, what things would draw her attention, what would make her smile and laugh or crinkle her nose in disgust. He just couldn't push her from his mind. It wasn't that he wanted to forget her. He only wanted to forget that he'd lost her. People everywhere he went should have been grateful that she remained with him in spirit because amidst the sorrow, the Doctor harbored anger, bitterness, and resentment. Thoughts of what Rose would and wouldn't approve of still guided him, dissuading him from lashing out as his anger compelled him. Many times anyway. Even when he did lash out, it wasn't too aggressive.
Except when it was…
Bad Wolf. The words still followed him. The first time, he was on an uninhabited planet and the words were carved into a cliff. Next, it was a poster in a market. He'd looked about wildly, even though he knew he wouldn't find Rose there. He tore down the sign and shredded it, which led to a heated argument with a shop owner. The third time Bad Wolf showed up, it was from the mouths of a few villagers, speaking about a voyage that 'Bad Wolf' was to make. The Doctor knew he'd gone too far that time, but as he watched the brigantine sailing ship called Bad Wolf go down in flames in the harbor, he couldn't bring himself to feel guilty. No one had been aboard. It was just the vessel. It was something physical touched by the Bad Wolf, something tangible connected with it. He wanted to burn the Wolf itself, but it was still nothing but words.
The Bad Wolf of prophecy spoke of Rose belonging with him, but in the end, it was Bad Wolf that took her from him. The Bad Wolf wanted Rose with him just so she could get to the Game Station with the TARDIS. The Bad Wolf used Rose and the Time Vortex to end the Time War. And then Bad Wolf was 'done with her.' Rose was played as the Bad Wolf's pawn. The Doctor still had no idea what Bad Wolf was, but he hated, loathed, despised it with more ferocity than he'd felt for anything or anyone before. It offered him something more precious than he'd imagined and then it burned her.
The Doctor felt no guilt watching the burning ship sink into the water, but all other emotions overwhelmed him and he returned to the TARDIS. He thought of revenge, but all he really wanted was Rose. He was caught between wanting to hold onto every bit of her that he could and wanting to forget everything about her. Trying to suppress it all was doing nothing to ease the pain, so for the first time in sixteen days, the first time since he lost Rose, he returned to their shared bedroom.
The Doctor spent a few hesitant moments standing outside the bedroom door before his tentative entrance and he was accosted by memories the second he stepped inside. Rose was everywhere. A few pieces of jewelry were on the chest of drawers near the door, along with an odd assortment of items that she'd emptied from her pockets. A few photos and mementos from their trips were on surfaces around the room, but only her favorites. The Doctor had set aside a room just for her souvenirs and keepsakes as they had been taking up too much space in her old room and would clutter up their room (previously his room) unless he gave her somewhere else to put them. A pair of trainers were near the door to the ensuite. They were covered in the congealed, purple-tinged slime of a giant alien gastropod. Rose kept meaning to put them in the cleaner in the boot cupboard, but never got around to it. Against the wall opposite the bed, the Doctor's pillow lay on the floor. The Doctor stepped further in the room, closed the door, and went to retrieve the pillow. He wasn't sure whether to smile or cry at the memory that explained its location. Rose had been exhausted the night before and was moody and sleepy when he went in to wake her a few hours later. Her mumbling was unintelligible as she spoke into her pillow. He'd made some teasing remarks and she returned with grumbled banter. At his mischievous, lewd reply, she rolled over and threw his pillow at his head. She'd dragged herself out of bed and headed for the bathroom. She paused as she was passing him to give him a quick peck on the lips and advise that sexual suggestions were better accepted if one didn't annoy the person first. That was the last time they were in the room together. Then it was off to Japan 1336 and just after they returned to the TARDIS, they were taken onto the Game Station.
Oh, what he would give to go back to that moment. Lord of Time, yet he was powerless to reverse the time he most desperately desired to.
The Doctor climbed onto his side of the bed and just stared at Rose's empty spot. He didn't remove his boots or leather jacket. He felt vulnerable enough without removing his armor and he had no intention of staying long anyway. Just a moment, a few moments. He just needed this, needed her, anything he could.
It was a very rare thing for the Doctor to cry. It was not that he didn't feel profound emotion; it just rarely took the form of tears. When it did, the moment didn't last long. He'd cried more times in the few years following the Time War than he had in all his life prior to that. It was the same after losing Rose. There were quiet moments when the tears came, but he quickly pushed on to something else that required his attention. But here, in their bed, the Doctor broke. Restraint was released completely, not limiting him to a few sorrowful tears, but letting everything pour out. He clung to her pillow and wept, sobbing with abandon. Rose's name slipped from his lips. His Rose. Nothing hurt more than the loss of his precious Rose.
He let it all out until he'd exhausted himself, and then he just laid there, still holding on to Rose's pillow, her scent still tickling his senses. He'd exhausted his grief for the time, but in the wake, his anger began to grow. The reason for all of this, for his suffering and all of Rose's, was Bad Wolf. The Doctor still didn't know what it was or how to find it, but he knew where to start. He didn't care if the TARDIS didn't want to land on Ahnier. He was going to force it, no matter the risk. He'd faced his grief. Now it was time to release his wrath. The Bad Wolf would not go unpunished.
Though the Doctor meant it when he swore to himself that he'd land on Ahnier 'no matter the risk,' he still took some time to look for the safest point for his attempt. He probed here and there and the TARDIS was quite clearly against it, even going as far as to shock him when he tried to engage flight. Digging deeper, he saw why. There was a shield around those points, not around the planet, but connected to the Time Vortex. If the TARDIS tried to travel through those points, well, it'd be painful for both him and the TARDIS. Except… The Doctor looked closer and saw that there was a safe place to land. There was a window of three days and limited to the village he'd visited before, where Rose's father had tricked him into taking her as an infant. And the man would still be there now. This window was nearly twenty-seven years after the last time he'd visited. If he wagered a guess, it coincided with Rose's age. Had Rose never left Ahnier, at this date in time, she would be exactly the age she was when she died. This wasn't coincidence. This window was an invitation. The Bad Wolf wanted to see him.
Fine by him. Better than fine. Fantastic.
As soon as the TARDIS landed, the Doctor ran a scan. With as powerful as the Bad Wolf was, he hoped he'd be able to track it and maybe get an idea of what he was dealing with. However, the TARDIS was unable to run the scan. In fact, the TARDIS was unable to perform a number of functions. The Doctor would have been more concerned had he not been so determined. In order to dismiss unease and caution, he pointedly ignored anything that might stimulate those responses. Though the lights in the console room may have dimmed, the Doctor denied it completely. He didn't check to see if the TARDIS was still fit enough to make an escape because he refused to believe it might be necessary. He could handle this well enough on his own. Without a hint of trepidation, the Doctor strode out of the TARDIS. He didn't need the TARDIS to find the Bad Wolf. The people of the village would have far more information. Time to meet the neighbors. And he knew exactly who he wanted to speak with first.
The TARDIS was parked in the exact place it had been the first time he'd visited, on a hill at the edge of a field of low grass, just off the side of a packed dirt road. From there, he could see a large portion of the village and even pinpoint the house he was looking for. The streets were quiet and nearly empty in the early morning, but the few people that the Doctor passed openly gawked at him. Most residents were likely awake at this time, but it was still early enough that very few had left their homes. The Doctor was grateful for this. He had no patience to deal with anyone that might approach him.
All of the mud brick houses had tall, smooth sides, the buildings constructed around a small courtyard at the front of the property with walls that afforded them complete privacy. Around the doorways leading into the private courtyards, some homes had decorations set into the wall: tiles, carvings, or raised lines made of the same material as the wall. The Doctor glared at the doorway he stopped at, one of the largest homes, two-story, with one of the more elaborate decorations, proudly declaring "Most Honored House of the Bad Wolf's Blessing."
The Doctor did not ring the bell or knock, nor did he knock on the house's front door. He stood in the private courtyard and called out in a commanding voice, "Cassaun! Come out!"
It was a few minutes before he saw any movement, but then slowly the front door opened and a man's head tentatively poked out. The Doctor held a hard stare while he waited for Cassaun to fully emerge and face him. The man did so reluctantly.
"It's you," he said anxiously as he stood before the Doctor. "I didn't expect we'd see you again."
"You hoped you wouldn't, you mean," the Doctor corrected. It had been about twenty-seven years since Cassaun had seen him and much longer since the Doctor had seen Cassaun. The man had aged, now in his sixties with age lines, dark hair gone mostly grey, and sporting a neatly trimmed beard, but the Doctor easily recognized him. "I came to talk. I want you to tell me about Bad Wolf."
"O-oh… Bad Wolf. Right. Yes… Yes, Bad Wolf. We could talk, yes," Cassaun stammered. "W-what did you want to know?"
"Everything," the Doctor said seriously. "I want to see any information that has ever been collected on Bad Wolf. Any records, rumors, evidence… everything. So if it's not here, bring it here or take me to where it's kept. And no visitors. I won't tolerate anyone else."
"R-right. That's fine. It's all here. As it's the honor of my family line, all historical writings are under my care. I-if you'd like to come in…" Cassaun gestured to the front door and the Doctor accepted the invitation. Cassaun's wife, Rose's mother, stood off to the side, watching cautiously.
"The man from the stars has returned," Cassaun explained, "and wishes to learn of Bad Wolf. He wishes to see me in private. See that no one comes to call."
The woman nodded and Cassaun led the way to the other side of the L-shaped house and through a door that led to a small room outside the main house. The room was a shrine to Bad Wolf. There was a large mural on one wall of a dark wolf howling with swirls of gold issuing from its mouth and small tapestries hung on other walls with images of wolves and written blessings. Against the furthest wall, in front of a tall thin tapestry, was a large 3-tiered table. On the top tier was a carved statue of a howling wolf. The second tier had only candles, but the bottom tier littered with a number of small items: pendants, gems, strings of beads, and tiny bowls of powders and oils.
"Not just a prophecy then. You worship the Bad Wolf," the Doctor commented. His voice was even, but his scowl left no question of his opinion of the Bad Wolf.
"Well.. y-"
"Just get to it," the Doctor interrupted impatiently.
"Right," Cassaun agreed, walking over to the shrine. Once there, he sank to his knees and pulled out a key to unlock the cupboard doors under the lowest tier of the table. The Doctor hadn't paid it any mind.
Cassaun didn't look up at the Doctor when he spoke, focusing on the lock, but they both knew he wouldn't have faced the Doctor when asking anyway. "If I may, could I inquire about my-?"
"No," the Doctor cut him off firmly. "I didn't come to tell stories. I came to hear them."
"Right, of course," the man replied meekly. From out of the cupboard, he pulled a chest quite similar to the one that infant Rose had been hidden in. The Doctor stiffened instantly. Using another key, Cassaun unlocked the trunk.
"Stories and prophecies of the Bad Wolf go back more than 400 years, so some of the writings are quite delicate," Cassaun warned. "Most are well preserved, although a few have been lost or stolen in previous centuries."
The chest was opened and pushed in the Doctor's direction. He knelt in front of it to examine it closely. It was filled with a number of scrolls in various sizes, pieces of leather and some of cloth bore images and inscriptions also. The Doctor didn't even know where to start, but Cassaun stepped in to walk him through it. He was definitely an expert, selecting the scroll that went along with his explanation without hesitation.
"A little over 400 years ago, this village and six others witnessed a flash in the sky. It was in the dark of night, but the sky lit up like midday. The length of time that the sky stayed light was fiercely debated, but was generally accepted that it was between two minutes and ten. It was not long after that that the whispers began. People reported small whispers in the mind, some having odd dreams. When people started speaking of them with one another, they found that many had similarities. It was then that people began privately recording these dreams and they brought them together and they were examined by a group of respected individuals. One thing was repeated time and time again and those were the words 'Bad Wolf.'"
The Doctor had seen that there were many scrolls, but judging by the number of scrolls Cassaun had already showed him, there were more than he thought.
"The whispers and dreams became rare after Bad Wolf was found."
"Wait, what?" the Doctor cut in. "You found the Bad Wolf? And just what is this thing? Where is it?"
"It is a god or a spirit that resides in the sacred rock. We do not know the exact nature of it, but it has blessed our people and we pay homage to it."
"A rock…" the Doctor repeated skeptically. "And it's blessed your people how?"
"Prosperity. Our crops and livestock have been healthy and bountiful and our entire planet has known peace for over 400 years," Cassaun boasted.
"Good crops and healthy livestock for 400 years?" the Doctor challenged doubtfully.
"Well, not at all times…" Cassaun looked uncomfortable, but explained. "There were, of course, times of drought and famine and floods… but we discovered that which displeased the Bad Wolf. We made amends and were sure to give proper praise. So long as we're in the Bad Wolf's favor, we're blessed."
The Doctor rolled his eyes. The Bad Wolf might be powerful, but this distinctly sounded like people making up reasons for misfortunes. He wasn't even going to ask what 'making amends' meant. "Back to this rock then. You think the Bad Wolf is a rock?"
Cassaun looked insulted. "Not a rock, the Bad Wolf resides inside the sacred rock. In this, there is no doubt."
"'Kay, right, we'll get back to that." It sounded like nonsense, but the Doctor wasn't going to argue until he learned as much as he could. "What's this about me?" He couldn't bring himself to ask about Rose. He hoped she'd be addressed without him having to request it.
"The first mention of you was made about 300 years ago. There was telling of the stars crashing to the ground, of great destruction. If the falling stars could not be stopped, not a single person would survive. But the Bad Wolf gave assurances that a man would come down from the stars, a man both like and unlike us. This man from the beyond the sky knew the name of each star and would saves us from harm."
The Doctor rolled his eyes again, but then startled and stopped Cassaun from putting a decorated piece of leather at his side. He hadn't tried to keep it from the Doctor, had showed it to him, but Cassaun was moving so quickly through the scrolls that the Doctor was given hardly more than a glimpse. This one, however, caught the Doctor's attention. He'd been shown a few images, but this one was clear. It was not a generic picture of a man surrounded by stars. It was him. It wasn't a detailed portrait, but it definitely captured his likeness, even had his leather jacket and black trousers.
The Doctor released him and nodded. "Keep going."
"We did not need to be told that we would owe much to the man from the stars for his protection, but we had no idea what would be appropriate. What did one give a man from places beyond our knowledge?" Cassaun glanced at the Doctor and it revealed his uneasiness. "The Bad Wolf told us that there would be a woman from our people that we were to offer to you. We questioned for some time what this meant. Was she to be a sacrifice or a gift and how should we know which woman? What were we to look for? All this information came over time. People began fabricating false prophecy, too, so that made it even more difficult. But then the Bad Wolf began marking those that it spoke to. People went to worship at the sacred rock and came back with the mark of the Bad Wolf on their wrist, a mark that could not be duplicated.
"The prophecies that spoke of the woman referred to her as many things, but most frequently as the Bad Wolf Child or The Heart of the Bad Wolf. This woman would be selected by the Bad Wolf and would receive a special blessing. A little more than 200 years before my second daughter, Seshalin, was born, it was told that the woman would be in my family's bloodline. My ancestor was given the Bad Wolf's mark, an additional mark on his shoulder, and two small marks behind his right ear. The marks behind his ear were the natural birthmarks that the Bad Wolf Child would be born with. From that ancestor, some children were born with the special mark on their shoulders and that further narrowed down the line that the Bad Wolf Child would come from. I myself have one. It was my daughter, Seshalin, that was born with the natural birthmarks behind her right ear. We thought she would be grown before the time came for you to arrive, but it was only nine days after she received her blessing that you came. We meant to give you a woman, not a baby, but she was the one the Bad Wolf had chosen. Who were we to question the Bad Wolf?"
"Who were you to-?!" the Doctor snapped. "You were her father! More than anyone, you should have questioned! You offered your helpless infant to a man you didn't know anything about. A man you feared. A man that didn't even want her! And then you fooled me into taking her. Did you consider I might not find her? Because I didn't. She was locked away in that chest, in a storage room for thirty hours before I found her. She suffered and could have died because you didn't want to question the wisdom of a bloody rock!"
Cassaun's expression was a conflict of emotion. He was indignant at the way the Doctor challenged him, but there was guilt as well. Guilt was what the Doctor had wanted to see. At least he had felt some measure of compassion and responsibility toward his offspring. The Doctor wanted to continue telling him of his daughter's fate, out of spite and resentment, but there was more to learn.
"You mentioned her receiving her blessing. What was that then?" the Doctor questioned.
Cassaun still looked displeased with the Doctor's disrespect, but one look at the Doctor's face reminded him how wary he was of this man from the stars. They had expected a hero and the Doctor was that, but he also seemed quite grim and irritable, not what they had imagined. The first time Cassaun met him, the Doctor's mood didn't darken past irritable and frustrated, but Cassaun had still felt unsettled. There was a look about him that warned he was not a man to cross. Being close to the Doctor now, Cassaun felt more than just unsettled. There was not a look 'about him' that warned, it was a pointed look. The Doctor's mein was hard and threatening and one could feel the dangerous storm beneath the surface.
Cassaun composed himself and continued. "Bad Wolf had instructed that when the Bad Wolf Child was 16 weeks old, we were to lower her into the belly of the Wolf and it would be there that she would be blessed."
"Belly? What belly?" The Doctor's eyes were narrowed with suspicion.
"A-at the sacred rock, beneath the Wolf's shoulder..."
"Shoulder?"
"Y-yes... the sacred rock of the Wolf..." Cassaun pointed at one of the tapestries. The image was of some large jutting rocks at the base of a mountain that came together to form the head and front shoulder of a howling wolf. While the Doctor had been examining it, Cassaun had pulled out another scroll. The image on it was detailed and, if it was accurate, the rock was very much in the likeness of a wolf. In the picture, there were several people gathered around the base, some kneeling about the shoulder. It was much larger than the ridiculous 'rock' he had been imagining. The Wolf's shoulder was about twice the height of a man and the tip of the Wolf's snout looked to be about twenty feet high. That was if the drawing was to scale.
"There is a sealed covering over a hole at the Wolf's shoulder. No one has ever entered. Anyone that had ever tried to break the seal was severely injured. Most had burns, some became ill, and a few even lost use of the arm that had come into contact with it. We weren't sure how we would open it when the time came, everyone was quite fearful, but when it came time for the Bad Wolf Child's blessing, it opened easily."
"And you lowered the baby inside then?" The Doctor's words were bitter, but he withheld further comment.
"Yes." Cassaun unfurled another drawing. It was just like the last, but closer to the scene. Not dreams or prophecy, this was documentation. "We placed the baby into the sling and lowered her gently. We did not know how long the ropes should be. We lowered until the ropes went slack which was twenty-six feet."
The Doctor was boiling with barely suppressed rage. This thing had injured many and they put a baby - put Rose - down there, having no idea what could be inside it.
"Almost the instant after we stopped lowering, a golden light burst out of the hole. It was so bright that those closest shielded their eyes. We had to be mindful not to let go of the ropes. It lasted for a number of minutes and we weren't sure when we were supposed to bring her back out. But the light died away and we drew her out. I was quite terrified. She had stopped crying as soon as the light appeared, but she emerged completely unharmed. Changed, though. Brown hair turned light blond, dark brown eyes were lighter and touched with amber. She was truly the Bad Wolf's child then. It was expected that my wife and I care for her until you came, but she was the Bad Wolf's child."
"I've heard enough," the Doctor growled. "Take me to this bloody rock."
The Doctor was on his feet and Cassaun trembled slightly as he looked up at him. "W-why?"
"Because it's long since time I meet this damned beast."
A/N: Thank you so much to those that reviewed! Really, thank you.