A/N: It's been a busy month since I last updated! Sorry for the delay. I'm gearing up to write my last few chapters, and I'm expecting this fic to be complete before the holidays. I hope you all like the approaching conclusion!

I just jumped out in the open
Without knowing my parachute would save me.
It's quiet and peaceful in this emotional nirvana blue.
-Hooverphonic

Chapter 25: Nirvana Blue

Seifer pulled back the curtains and walked out onto the balcony beyond the French doors, needing a breath of fresh air. The railing was still warm from the sun, which was setting beyond the palace and the sky that passed over his head was stained dusty pink. In the room behind him, Quistis sighed.

He hadn't said anything while she'd talked, and now that she was done he wanted to turn and run. He knew that she was scared, but he hadn't quite wrapped his mind around the idea that Vidar was really Vascaroon back from the dead and wasn't sure what he could say or do to help. It made him feel useless. And it made him feel angry.

Quistis came up beside him. Her hair was wet and she was in a bathrobe -- so vulnerable. He could smell the fear on her, the anxiety and uncertainty. It twisted his guts.

"You should have kept your mouth shut to begin with," he said impulsively.

Her voice was small. "What?"

"Back in the tomb, Vidar told you there was going to be a price. Shouldn't that have tipped you off? What'd you think it was going to be? Something pleasant?"

Some of the color left her cheeks. "I'm still willing to do what it takes. I won't let Hyne come back."

"Someone else could have done it. It didn't have to be you," he pointed out.

"I'm the leader. It's my responsibility."

He crossed his arms and rolled his eyes. "The leader? Like hell you are. We wouldn't even have gone to that stupid tomb if I hadn't said that we should."

Her eyes narrowed dangerously and he knew that he'd said the wrong thing. But there was no taking it back now. He'd have to muscle through.

"We didn't go there because you thought it was a good idea," she said. "We went because I decided we were going to. And a good thing, too, considering I was right. Honestly, Seifer, I thought we were past all of this."

"Yeah, well...lots of good being right has done you," he replied.

Quistis shook her head and forked a hand through her wet hair. "What's your problem?"

"I just don't see what you expect me to do about this. You want me to go back in time and stop Ultimecia from ever making any of this happen or what? I fucking would if I could."

"I don't expect you to do anything!" she shouted. "I was just trying to talk to you. Normal people do that, you know -- they talk to each other when they're upset. I just wanted you to listen. That's all."

"So I listened. What more do you want from me?"

She made an exasperated, disgusted sound. "I don't know. I thought for some reason that maybe you'd understand. I'm not sure why I bothered." She turned and walked back into her room.

He followed, unable to let the issue drop, and found her violently fluffing her pillows.

"So now you're pissed at me?"

She didn't turn to look at him and didn't reply. The thought that she might be crying seared like a brand.

"Tell me what you want me to do," he insisted.

"I think you've done enough."

He clenched his hands, frustrated, not sure what to do. He was used to confronting problems head on, violently, and one that he couldn't solve with either his fists or his gunblade left him at a loss. He stuffed his hands in his pockets and said, "If you're not going to come down to dinner, then I'm going to go."

"Do whatever you want."

Seifer couldn't reach the door fast enough.

He slammed it behind him a little harder than necessary and didn't pause on the other side -- if he stopped, he'd have to face the fact that he was running, and not from an enemy but from a shuddering, terrified woman. His ego turned the other way and pretended not to notice as paintings on the hallway walls whipped past him and his shoes thudded hard against the carpet. Distance gave him room to breathe again and think rationally. This was her own fault, he reasoned. There wasn't anything Quistis could expect him to do, and he didn't want to sit in her room all night watching her worry and cry.

When he reached the palace dining room, Laguna was pushing back from his plate, dabbing at his mouth with a napkin, and Zell was halfway through a substantial piece of cream pie.

"Where's Quistis?" he asked through a sloppy mouthful.

"In her room. She didn't want to come."

"Why not? Is she okay? I told you she was acting weird."

Seifer pulled out a chair next to Raijin and sat down. "I don't know. She's going to bed early, I think."

"Well...as long as she's okay."

Seifer scowled. She wasn't okay; he knew that. But he didn't want Chicken Wuss knocking down her door either. So he kept her revelation about Vidar to himself. As he ate, he thought about how he'd left her afraid and alone in her room. Abandoned, more like it. Cruelly, he thought that it was a feeling she should get used to if she meant to do what Vascaroon had done. How long had he been walled up in that tomb? A few thousand years at least.

"Pie?" Laguna asked once Seifer was done with his meal.

Feeling nauseated, Seifer shook his head.

He wasn't feeling much better when he got back to his room. He pulled his shirt off, tossed it in the corner, and collapsed on top of his bed. It's not your problem, he reminded himself when Quistis popped back into his thoughts. Rolling over onto his back, he looked up at the last of the evening sun stretching across the ceiling. Tomorrow they were going to Centra. He'd fight Squall. Quistis would kill Hyne. And everything would go back to the way it had been a month ago.

He frowned.

Returning to Dollet wasn't a particularly encouraging thought either. He'd gotten used to the idea of being a hero. A fisherman's life might not cut it anymore.

Hell. What was happening to him? He was starting to worry as much as Quistis. He put the crook of his arm over his eyes hoping maybe he was just tired. Kicking off his shoes, he relaxed into the mattress and breathed out a long sigh. Just one more night to get through.

0 0 0

Irvine invited Selphie out to dinner and took her to a trendy place on Esthar's left side. The place had a relaxed, comfortable ambiance highlighted by soft music and sunlight barely penetrating bamboo window blinds. But across the table, Selphie was frowning. She flipped her menu over to look at the back and then laid it flat on the table.

"Irvy. I don't know what half this stuff is."

He reached across the table. "Try that. Kiros says that it's really good."

"Did he recommend this place?" she asked, looking around.

"Yeah. I asked him if he knew someplace nice. Like...someplace romantic. Do you like it? We can go somewhere else if you want to."

"No. It's fine. But it seems kind of expensive. And we could have stayed at the palace and eaten with everyone else."

He shrugged. "I wanted to take you out before we have to go to Centra. Like, just you and me."

"Mmm...you as bummed about tomorrow as me? I mean, I know we've got to do it. But it's Squall and Rinoa. Do you think Quisty is really upset about it? Her and Squall are pretty close, right?"

Irvine had been too occupied by his own problems to think about Quistis's.

"I'm sure she's fine," he said.

He reached across the table and took Selphie's hand, a supportive smile creasing his lips. She glanced down at his fingers twining with her own.

"So, is this a date?" she asked.

"Of course."

"Aren't you supposed to get me flowers or chocolates or something?"

"I will. Later."

She giggled. "It's our first date! Maybe you'll get a goodnight kiss."

He perked up. Since she'd agreed to give their relationship a chance, he'd been working hard to maintain his patience. He'd never taken so long to get to first base before. Any other girl he would have already slept with and discarded. And up until now, he'd been content to live his life from one conquest to the next. But he'd never felt the surge of anticipation that Selphie's sweet, coy comment left him with. He thought about the possibility of kissing her again all through dinner.

"Do you want to do something after this?" he asked as they waited for their bill. "A walk through the park maybe?"

"Last time we walked through the park, we were attacked by a giant killer wolf from the moon," Selphie reminded him.

"Okay. Maybe through downtown then. We can look at the shops and the lights."

She agreed, and he ordered a slice of chocolate cheese cake to go before they left. He carried the box out with him and smiled at Selphie when she glanced curiously at it.

They walked through the mall and up toward Odine's lab which was now abandoned. Outside a door marked "Employees Only" that was still guarded by a magnetic card reader, Irvine directed Selphie to a bench flanked on both sides by overflowing pots of azaleas in full bloom. The secluded, darkened seat overlooked the whole city.

"Nice. How'd you find this?" Selphie asked.

"I noticed it when I was up here for Odine's wake."

"You planned our date at a funeral?"

"No. After one. I was trying to think happy thoughts."

A crooked smile split her face.

"Oh. And..." Irvine popped open the to-go box with the cheesecake inside. "Want to share?"

"How're we going to eat it?"

He grinned. "With our hands."

For a while, Selphie played the game straight, licking her fingers and glancing up at Irvine every so often in a way that made him suspect she knew how provocative she looked. But he didn't push her. He waited. And as they got toward the crust, she finally held a small bite up to his mouth. He took it slowly, his lips barely brushing the pad of her index finger. He offered a bite to her and she was more bold. When her tongue darted out to lap the last of the dessert from his fingertip, it was more than he could take. Cheesecake forgotten, he turned Selphie's head and kissed her.

Immediately, he knew that he'd violated their agreement and broke away.

"Oh God. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to rush you."

"It's okay." She leaned into him by a fraction. "You didn't."

She gently pressed her mouth to his and they sat together for a long time on the bench, enjoying the last of their dessert and the pleasure of one another's company. Irvine slung an arm around her shoulders to hold her close. She smelled softly of citrus -- like how he imagined orange blossoms must smell. The easy way she leaned into him and the relaxed slant of her lips against his made him melt. He touched her carefully, half afraid that he would spook her.

When the tenderness started to leave his kisses and he felt lust curling in his stomach, he took her by the shoulders and held her away.

"We should go," he said, his voice thick.

Selphie looked surprised but nodded. "Okay. Sure."

Their relationship wasn't just about sex to him. He aimed to prove that to her. So as they got up to walk back to the palace, he forced down the desire growling in his gut. That step would be up to Selphie to take. And he'd wait for her as long as he had to.

0 0 0

Seifer thought maybe he'd slept for a while. But as he lay in bed staring up at the shadows playing across the ceiling, he couldn't be sure whether he'd actually drifted off or had just become consumed by his thoughts and lost track of time. Night had fallen heavy and thick; it had to be well past midnight. He closed his eyes again, tried to will himself into a dreamless sleep, but his mind refused to quiet. It buzzed. It hummed. And it railed at him for walking out on Quistis.

He hated feeling this way. It disgusted him. But no matter how much he tossed and turned, he couldn't shake the feeling of responsibility that had settled over him. Damn it. He actually felt bad about leaving her. He actually wanted to go apologize to her and do whatever she needed him to do. And hell if he knew why.

The confusing memories ghosting through his head didn't help either. He still couldn't recall anything about his parents or about being sent to the orphanage in Centra. But he did remember a house, a room, and being utterly alone there. The isolated memories made him more eager to seek Quistis out. He wanted her company.

After a few more minutes, he gave up on trying to sleep and shoved the covers off. His clothes were strewn across the floor. He rummaged through them in the dark until he found his pants, then pulled them on and grabbed a white undershirt off the back of a chair as he passed, heading toward the door. Barefoot, pants unbuttoned, and shirt on inside out, he left his room and walked down the hall toward Quistis's.

He didn't know what he meant to do once he got there. But he felt compelled to go and couldn't think of any other way to spend the rest of the night. Maybe he could get in bed with her and sleep there instead. Would she let him?

You're fucking pathetic, he thought, shaking his head.

He found her door unlocked. Quietly, he eased it open and slipped inside.

Her room was cool and peaceful with the windows open and a desk-top fan oscillating back and forth in the shadows. Quistis was asleep, lying on her stomach in bed with the covers pushed down to her waist and her hair fanned out loose over her shoulders. The smooth, silvery plane of her back pulsed evenly with her breath and her thin fingers were sprawled in stillness across the mattress.

He closed the door behind him and padded across the room. For once he felt like he should have come up with a game plan before leaping into action; he didn't have any idea what to do next as he stood beside her bed.

Quistis, seemingly aware of his presence, suddenly rolled over and drew in a sharp breath.

"Seifer?" she said, her voice thick with sleep. "What are doing here? It's the middle of the night. It's..." She rubbed her eyes and looked around the room for a clock. "It's really late."

"I'm making sure you're sleeping and not up worrying," he replied. "We've got a lot of really important shit to do tomorrow."

She was still disoriented but managed a scathing look that burned even in the dark. "I was. Why aren't you sleeping?"

"Because of you."

"Well, I can't sleep with someone sitting here watching me. So just go do something else. Okay?"

She rolled away, curling up in the fetal position. There was space beside her on the mattress, so he sat down on the edge.

"Seifer." Her voice was sharp, scolding. "Go away."

"I can't."

"You didn't have any trouble with it earlier. I'm sure you'll manage just fine right now."

She curled up tighter and pressed her face into the pillow. Was she crying again? Damn it.

"Listen. I couldn't sleep."

"Really? Something bothering you?" she asked into the pillow.

"Yeah."

He waited for her to prompt him, hoping maybe to make this whole thing her idea. But she didn't.

"Are you going back to Garden once all this is over?" he asked, unable to voice the apology that had been floating through his head.

"Of course I am."

He reached over and trailed his fingers along her shoulder. "I'm going to go back to Dollet."

"And what? You're going to miss me?"

"I might."

She swatted his hand away. "I kind of doubt that. Go away. I'm trying to sleep."

"I told you. I can't sleep."

"Well, I can. And honestly, I don't see any reason I should sit up and soothe you. You wouldn't do it for me," she said with such conviction that a bolt of genuine guilt fired through him. "I tried to confide in you. I tried to tell you that I needed reassurance. And you didn't even try. I would have been there for you."

"I'm trying now," he replied.

She captured his persistent, wandering hand and sat up, holding him away at arm's length.

"Sometimes I forget who you are."

"And who is that?"

"You know what I mean. We've never been close. There's a reason for that."

She was facing him now and he could see the trails of fresh tears on her cheeks. "We're not talking about forever here," he said, doing his best to keep his voice level. It was difficult not to yell at her. "In fact, we're not even talking about tomorrow. I'm doing my best right now."

She groaned. "What do it you want from me?"

God. He didn't even know. There was so much he could have said, things hanging right on the tip of his tongue -- that he didn't know why he was such an ass, that her fear unnerved him, and that he wanted to comfort her but wasn't sure how.

So he did the only thing his animal brain told him to do: leaned in and kissed her on the cheek. Her skin tasted salty, sharp with despair. She sat still as his fingers tightened against the mattress and he dropped kisses all the way up her cheekbone, dabbing bits of the sadness off with the tip of his tongue. She sighed a little and her eyes fanned shut. Noses brushing, he moved to the other side of her face and slowly lapped his way down from her eyelashes to the corner of her mouth.

Here he paused. Whereas her cheeks were salty, he knew that her mouth was cherry sweet. He swept his tongue across her lower lip once, just to see if she would let him, then pressed a kiss there when she made no move to resist. His thumb dried the puffy area under her eye as his other hand worked across the bed behind her, trapping her within his embrace. He closed his eyes, willing her to understand. This was the best he could do.

He worked her slowly, kissing her and moving across the bed bit by bit until he had her face firm in his palm and she began to kiss back. Her nails scraped across his chest as she fisted her hands in his tee shirt. He let her be the aggressor -- gave careful, measured responses to the way she deepened their kiss. Finally, she broke off and tilted her head back to give him open access to her neck. It was pale and flawless in the low light. Creamy. Delicate.

She liked being kissed under her jaw and right along her pulse. He found her sweet spot and drew his teeth across it. The way she gasped and shuddered made him smile. So he did it again, sucked softly, and felt one of her hands release his shirt to move down his back.

"Seifer?"

"Hmm?"

"Do you want to stay?"

"Yes."

"Until morning?"

"Yes."

She pulled him close and held him for several moments, his face pressed tight against the curve of her neck. With a deep, trembling sigh, she finally let him go. He kissed her, pushed her down against the mattress and crawled the rest of the way on top of it with her. After the nights they'd spent on the cold ground in Trabia, being in her bed with warm moonlight flooding in over them felt good. She must have thought so too because she seemed to turn boneless underneath him -- all softness and ease.

Through half-lidded eyes, she looked up at him and slid her fingers through his hair. A smile played across her lips, maybe one of forgiveness, certainly one of comfort. He was eager to tease more pleasantness out of her -- it made him feel so much better -- so he pushed the thin, tight tank top she was wearing up her stomach and gathered it beneath her breasts.

He pulled her shirt off and tossed it onto the floor, then pulled off his own. As he kissed her again, he held her tight and cradled the back of her head with his hand. Across her cheeks, down her neck, over her collarbone -- he set about devouring her. But Quistis was a pushy lover, bossy just like in everything else, and soon pushed away to drop back against the bed.

She looked up at him, her expression serious. "You've got to keep me from thinking about this thing. Every time I think about it, I seize up. I don't know how to come to terms with this."

"Keep you from thinking? Is that possible?"

She took his hands in hers. "I'm saying that you don't need to go slow."

He hadn't been trying to go slow and couldn't help but laugh. "Nice girls like it like that."

"Those kinds of girls wouldn't be here with you," she pointed out. "Besides, it's the least you could do for me. I'll consider it your apology and all will be forgiven."

"Everything, huh?" That was one hell of a trade.

"I don't want to debate terms right now," she replied.

Smiling, he crawled on top of her and got into a position that he now recognized but still hadn't gotten used to. On top of Quistis Trepe wasn't somewhere he'd ever thought he would be. Looking down at her now, his heart constricted to think of her transformed into a monster some thousands of years in the future. That was okay for people like Vascaroon, even people like him or Squall, but not for someone like her.

Taking Quistis's request to heart, he wasted no time removing the last of their clothing. Seifer kicked all the blankets to the foot of the bed and stretched himself out against her. On the Ragnarok and in Trabia, she'd been subdued, wary of attracting attention. Now she didn't seem to care.

He lost all sense of where and who he was as they met in a frenzy of hands, lips, and hips. Although he'd meant to take longer and try to draw the moment out, he found that he couldn't hold back and didn't want to.

"Seifer, I..." Quistis started, but never finished. He put a hand over her mouth, not wanting her to say something that might interrupt them.

Passion overtook her. She wrapped one demanding leg around his back and began dictating his movements. Her pace was faster and more punishing than his had been. He tried to learn it, to impress the cadence she wanted on his brain, and she didn't let up the pressure of her heel against the small of his back until he had it just right. Vaguely, he wondered if he should slow her down or attempt to quiet the cries that were now ringing off the walls.

But then the muscles in his calves began to quiver. Quistis was digging her fingers into his arms. And then she froze, only her hips rotating in stiff jerks. He knew it was over for her. And it flooded him with uncontainable pleasure that quickly overflowed and left him collapsed in a sweaty, panting heap on top of her.

Quistis kissed his temple. It brought him back from soft, satisfied blackness.

He rolled off her, still short of breath.

"Better?" he asked after a long pause.

"A little." She reached over and brushed an unruly hair off his forehead. "I didn't think you were going to come back tonight. What was keeping you up?"

He shrugged and closed his eyes. Somehow, she seemed to know what he was thinking anyway.

"I used to think that you didn't feel guilt."

"Usually, I don't."

She scooted closer to him. "I'm finally starting to understand you."

He doubted that -- there was so much he still didn't understand about himself. But if she had tasked herself with figuring him out, then he didn't doubt that eventually she would. The thought made him a little uncomfortable.

"And I forgive you," she added. "It means a lot just that you came back."

He decided not to question why she'd told him to leave in the first place if she'd been happy to see him. It felt good to make peace with her, and he didn't want to risk another battle.

"Are you going to stay?" she asked.

"Yeah."

She crawled to the end of the bed to fetch the blankets. They were comforting when she draped them over him. In the corner, the desk fan moved back and forth, turning and cooling the warm air. Quistis slid under the covers next to him and stretched out flat on her stomach. She fell asleep quickly, her breath puffing against his shoulder.

He still felt like there was something more he should do, felt the smoldering need to take hold of fate and mold tomorrow into exactly what he wanted it to be. But his dreams of being a great hero couldn't hold out against the dizzying exhaustion that soon overtook him, and he fell asleep as well.

0 0 0

Seifer woke before the sun came up. At first, he wasn't sure why. Birds were beginning to sing outside, but nothing else was stirring. He was lying on his side with his hand on Quistis's thigh and something was tingling at the edge of his senses. A memory? Some of his grogginess crumbled away.

He'd been dreaming about his childhood and thought for a second that he'd finally recalled his father. But the image that popped into his mind was of a tall, powerful man, a sword-wielding warrior.

It wasn't his father. And it wasn't a memory.

Suddenly, he recognized the figure.

"Stay where you are, Knight," whispered a raspy voice. Vidar half materialized at the foot of the bed, gripping the frame with one misty hand. Seifer looked down at him and thought he had to still be dreaming.

"What are you doing here?" he asked, surprised by the strength of his voice. He was definitely awake.

"Protecting her."

Seifer's hackles rose. "From me? You're a little late."

"From everyone," Vidar replied smoothly.

Why wasn't Quistis awake yet? Seifer wondered if Vidar had her under some sort of spell. She wasn't noticing their conversation and when he touched her he could feel the guardian force glowing through her skin.

"I know all about you," Vidar said, pinning Seifer with his luminescent gaze. "I know that your sorceress was the one who collected the bits of Hyne together. And I know that you helped her. You killed Odin."

"Yeah," Seifer said slowly. "That's what I've heard."

He was very aware that he was naked in bed, completely vulnerable and exposed. If Vidar wanted revenge, there wasn't much he could do to defend himself.

"Why did you agree to become her knight?" Vidar asked.

"Guess I just wanted to do something big."

"And now? Why would you help to destroy Hyne?"

"What's Quistis think? You know what she does, don't you?" Seifer asked petulantly.

"She doesn't know why you agreed."

"Well, the knight thing didn't really work out. I guess you know that." Seifer wasn't sure why he was bothering to have this conversation. "I want fame. I want to be a hero."

Vidar thought his answer over for several seconds. "I felt that way once, too," he finally said.

"You don't anymore?"

"Now I'm a legend," he replied -- mockingly, Seifer thought.

"You shouldn't be here, you know," he said, rolling over so he couldn't see Vidar's stern face. "I'm pretty damn sure that Quistis didn't summon you."

"She doesn't need to. And I'm helping her sleep."

"Helping her?" That irritated Seifer. Powerful beings like sorceresses and guardian forces never really wanted to help, and Vidar's seeming ability to bend Quistis to his will was too similar to the influence Ultimecia had exerted over him years ago. "You just don't want her to decide she doesn't want to take your curse from you."

"Someone has to," Vidar said. "But she might never get called back to earth like I have. I'm stuck here now. I'll be here forever unless someone like you kills me and Gilgamesh comes to claim my blade."

"Gilgamesh?"

"Guardian of death. I was buried with this sword. It's real enough, and when I'm gone it will remain here. Gilgamesh possesses all the swords of past aeons."

Seifer had a bizarre mental image of the guardian force adding a whip to his arsenal and frowned at it.

He didn't think Quistis was the right one for this task. She didn't even want to it; she was afraid. Vidar lingered at the bottom of the bed, apparently still keeping her asleep.

"Are you really Vascaroon?" Seifer asked. "Or did you just tell her that?"

"I'm Vidar now. I haven't been Vascaroon for a very long time."

Would Quistis change, too? What would she become? He imagined her as something close to a sorceress, and it bothered him. The real thing had soured his dreamy, childhood fantasies of the beautiful, tragic sorceress in need of protection. Quistis didn't really need protection. He knew she would fly to Centra in a few hours and would do whatever she had to despite the personal sacrifice. She'd been that way in school, he remembered -- devoting everything to her studies even as the chance for a normal life slipped away.

Someone had to do it.

Seifer wished it could have been him.

He laid one hand over Quistis's shoulder. Bahamut was there inside her, far beneath the surface, a star in the night sky compared to the nuclear furnace of Vidar burning through her skin.

Maybe, Seifer thought while palming the guardian force's essence, it didn't have to be Quistis. What he if took Vidar from her now? They hadn't killed Hyne yet, after all. He hadn't passed the power on.

There wasn't time to think the idea through. If she woke, she wouldn't let him do it, and Vidar wouldn't come willingly. He had to act fast.

He seized the guardian force. At the foot of the bed, Vidar bolted to attention.

"What are you doing?"

With a solid, forceful jerk, Seifer wrested the guardian force from deep within Quistis's body. The effects were startling. She woke up as if coming out of a nightmare, eyes wild and lungs gasping. And Seifer felt the full force of the ancient, powerful aeon crash down on him. Vidar raged through his head. Quistis was disoriented from the sleep spell and the empty pain Vidar had left in her head. She didn't notice Seifer battling for control next to her.

Vidar pitched and rolled inside Seifer's brain like a crocodile. He yelled something in Ancient Centran which Seifer supposed was probably a foul name.

"You are a knight." His voice rattled off the inside of Seifer's skull. "I don't trust you to fight Hyne."

Wasn't like either of them had a choice now. Seifer pushed Vidar down, trapped him deep before Quistis could notice that something was wrong. She was sitting up, one hand over her chest, growing calmer and more aware of where she was. Finally, she turned and looked down at Seifer who was doing his damndest to look sleepy and unaffected.

"I think I was dreaming," she said.

"About what?" Seifer asked. Vidar fumed.

"I can't really remember. Apparently not anything good."

She flopped back down and scrubbed her eyes with her fists.

"What time is it?" she asked.

"Dunno. Early yet."

She rolled over toward him. She smiled but kept her distance. The pale, washed out morning light made her blurry, not helped by the angry aeon still storming painfully around in Seifer's head. Vidar didn't materialize though. Seifer wasn't sure why, but he stayed out of sight. Maybe he didn't want Quistis to do this anymore than Seifer did.

"You know," Quistis started and then stopped to yawn. She closed her eyes. "Despite the dream, I actually do feel better this morning. More relaxed."

Seifer didn't reply. He didn't want her to guess what he'd done.

"I'm hungry," she announced. "I never did eat dinner last night, did I? Do you think they'd be serving breakfast already?"

"I think if you go down there and make a few demands, you'll get whatever you want," Seifer replied.

"Hmm. Maybe. I think I'll do that. Want to come along?"

"Nah. Chicken Wuss is probably already there." He pushed the covers off and sat up. "I'm going to go shower. I'll meet you down there later."

"Okay."

He stood up.

"Seifer?" She crawled across the bed to him on her hands and knees and hugged him. "Thank you."

The hug was brief, a gesture rather than an act of affection. Seifer would have liked it to have been more. He felt like she should have been down on her knees, thanking him for saving her from a terrible fate, praising his sacrifice, maybe even confessing her love. But at the same time, the thought of telling her what he'd done was frankly embarrassing.

They dressed in silence. Quistis pulled her hair up into a wild ponytail. They left together and Quistis walked Seifer all the way to his room. She stopped next to him as he opened the door.

"I'll see you down there soon. Right?"

"Yeah. Sure."

She nodded and paused, apparently reluctant to leave.

"I'll bring you something up if I don't see you."

"I'll be there."

She smiled. "It's just, last time I asked you to eat with me, you blew me off. Remember?"

He nodded, desperate to duck into his room and be alone with the thoughts swirling through his head like sediment disturbed by Vidar's passing. The guardian force had given up yelling at him in favor of rifling through Seifer's memories. It was distracting having the aeon in there, prodding at old injuries, drudging up things he hadn't even remembered clearly until Vidar pulled them out of the mire.

"See you later then." Quistis popped up onto her toes and kissed him once before leaving. Normally, he wouldn't have let it go without at least a comment, but he couldn't even think straight enough to form a cocky response, and watched her walk away from him in dumb silence.

Vidar was waiting inside his room.

"What have you done?" he demanded.

"I took you from her," Seifer replied.

"I'm aware of that. Why?" He pulled his sword. "Do you intend to kill me?"

"No!" Seifer shouted, wondering what exactly Vidar had learned about him inside Quistis's head. It was a little humbling to see himself from the outside in, the way other people did, reflected through this aeon.

Vidar strode all the way across the room in only three steps. He was taller than Seifer by more than a head and was undeniably intimidating, even though Seifer logically knew that Vidar couldn't kill him -- their lives were bound together now.

"You know I'm the better choice," Seifer said. "Quistis would have done it, but I'll be great at it. I know sorceresses. Hell, I was a goddamn inch away from being Hyne's knight."

Vidar didn't disagree, just narrowed his eyes.

"Don't pretend like you wouldn't have chosen me to begin with if I hadn't been a knight," he said, standing his ground.

Seifer didn't want to have to say that he was doing this for Quistis. But Vidar was in his head; he didn't have to. And they were stuck with one another now. Vidar had no choice but to agree.

"All you'll need to do is get me to Hyne, out of the range of the sorceresses's knight," he explained. "Nothing will happen to you immediately. You don't have to worry about that. That doesn't happen until after you die. Hopefully it will be a long wait for you in the pleroma. You need some seasoning, Knight."

Seifer nodded.

"Quistis thinks you're quite a capable warrior," Vidar said while sheathing his sword. "And she has a certain respect for you. I don't have much choice left in the matter. Get me to Hyne and then we can be free of each other."

"Yeah. Fine. I can do all that, and you just stay out of the way. None of the sleeping shit you pulled with Quistis, and no more browsing through my head."

The aeon grunted and vanished, back into Seifer's head where he settled in quietly this time. Cactuar shifted aside to make room and even seemed to bristle with excitement. Seifer was left in silence and relatively alone, his thoughts and memories still churned up. It felt uncomfortably similar to how he'd felt just out of time compression. He sat down on the edge of his bed and tried to sort himself out.

Some old memories had been jostled loose. One of them surprised him: Adel.

And -- oh my God -- his parents.

He remembered them so vividly all of the sudden that he couldn't believe he'd ever forgotten them. They had lived in Esthar, somewhere in middle in what had seemed to him to be a huge high rise apartment. He hadn't been very old at the time, just a toddler, but he remembered seeing them somewhere with Adel. On TV maybe? Or at some kind of event?

Shit. Were they politicians?

He rubbed his temples. Now that he was getting the memories back, he couldn't help but think that life had been easier without them. Now all the sudden he was Estharan? And he had somehow managed to make all the same damn mistakes his parents had? The same mistakes he was still making, evidently, as he was now allied with another powerful creature that could live both inside and outside his head and could bend him to its will.

He'd done all this before. Apparently it was a goddamn family tradition. At least this time he was relatively certain what side he was on -- though, in retrospect, he'd been confident that Edea's was the right one two years ago, too.

He got up, fetched a change of clothes from his bag, and showered. He could deal with all of this later. Quistis would lose patience down in the dining room if he didn't join her soon.

She smiled at him when he walked in. She was the only one there except for the palace staff. A woman stopped and filled a cup with coffee for Seifer who didn't really care for hot drinks but drank a little of it anyway. It was a peaceful breakfast until Zell arrived -- Seifer wanted to kick him in the teeth for interrupting the moment Zell skipped into the room.

"What time are we leaving, Quisty?" Zell asked.

"In a few hours. We've got to get the Ragnarok prepped and then I'm going to see if I can get the frequency for Krier's camp in Centra. I want to talk to them on the way, see what they've found."

"We should probably stock up, too," Zell suggested. "I dunno about you guys, but I'm real low on magic. I figure they might have some holy stones or something in one of the shops here. Could come in handy."

"You take care of that then," Quistis said. "Spend whatever you need to and meet the rest of us at the Ragnarok." She put down her fork and wiped her mouth with her napkin. "I've got to go shower, and then I'm going to go see Laguna."

She waved to Seifer as she left.

The next time he saw her, they were leaving the palace for the Ragnarok. Esthar was bustling, completely unaware of what was happening. Seifer felt strange walking down the blue streets and looking up at the huge, glittering buildings. Vidar liked this town, and Seifer looked at it for the first time with the thought that it had once been home, however briefly. This was where his roots were, where his blood came back to.

It took a moment to wrap his mind around. But he found he sort of liked the idea once he got used to it. Esthar was the most powerful nation on the planet. It made sense he'd been born here.

Zell was already at the air station, hauling the last of several boxes of supplies up the ramp into the Ragnarok's belly. It looked like he'd spent his whole salary plus some.

Inside, Quistis sat down next to Seifer and coiled her whip coiled in her lap.

"You ready to do this?" she asked.

"Yeah. You?"

She smiled. "I think so."

"Everybody buckle up," Selphie commanded from the pilot's seat once everyone was on board.

Without any more preamble, they blasted off into the blue dawn, course set for Centra.