an: guessing by the lack of reviews that people be pissed at me lol... I know i'm sorry it's such a dramatic turn with the pregnancy but I try to keep my writing real and teach lessons and this is a big lesson. Also I wanted to explore a daddy Daryl for way later on in this series because this fanfiction will be a series I wasn't kidding when I said novel length i'm already writing the chapters where they get to the prison in season three... but just read on bare with me and it will be good... Can I have more reviews please? please... I don't want to have to reinstate the three review policy thing where I don't update until there's been three reviews... lol love you guys.
-o-
Two months had gone by since that fateful night, with the condom mishap. They had yet to tell the others except for Carol, but she had guessed all on her own what was going on. Emma had begun to wear looser shirts to cover her growing tummy. Daryl noticed that over the past four weeks Emma had lost a lot of energy and hardly slept. She reassured him that this was normal but he still worried. She lost any meal she ever ate nearly every morning, and he knew it was only a matter of time before the women figured out what was going on.
He had taken over her walker duties, not wanting to risk her or the baby getting hurt. Still Rick had begun to notice, and he knew it was only a matter of time before he started asking questions. Daryl had also noticed that Emma started asking for smaller seconds at dinner, which he knew wasn't for her benefit but the little one growing inside her. He also noticed that she was starting to get more excited about the pregnancy. There were only a few times that he caught her looking down at her stomach and having an expression of worry instead of a soft smile. Daryl turned the corner into the alcove and stopped seeing Emma looking over a small teddy bear.
"What's that?" She smiled looking up at him.
"I found it in one of the old kindergarten rooms, I cleaned it up… I thought it might make a nice toy for the baby, you know when it comes." She said with a smile.
"How are things going in there?" He asked sitting down across from her on the window sill.
"This week is kind of a big one, it's starting to take form. A tiny bunching of cells turning into the form of a baby complete with webbed little fingers and toes."
"Is it a boy or a girl yet?"
"Not yet… it's still… Well an it."
"With webbed fingers and toes."
"Yep." She said with a bright smile.
"You seem excited."
"I kind of am, honestly if the world wasn't like it was I'd be running out and setting up baby registries… I keep thinking though what's the baby going to sleep in, where are we going to get clothes for the baby… where are we going to get formula when I stop producing breast milk."
"Let me worry about that." He said.
"I have to worry about it too Daryl, it's not just your baby…"
"I know it's more your baby then mine I mean you're the one growing it." He said and she smiled.
"Good man…" he smiled before looking out the window.
"Still I've started gathering a few things on our supply runs."
"You have?" She asked.
"Yeah I say it's for Lori but then I keep a few of the stuff for us… I'm carrying it all in my motorcycle bags just in case we have to move quickly… I got this today on the supply run." He pulled out of his jacket a small yellow onesy with a cute duck head styled hoodie. Emma's bottom lip puffed out as she took it in hand. "It's good for either a boy or a girl you know?"
"This is so adorable…" She said looking it over. "Our baby is going to be so adorable in this…" He looked her over.
"Are you going to cry?" He asked blinking.
"Shut up I have hormones." She said punching him in the shoulder and he laughed as he wrapped an arm around her.
"I think we all need to have a discussion." They both slowly looked up to see Rick his jaw set in a firm line as he looked them over. "Now."
"I'll handle this." Daryl said to Emma. "You get some rest." He kissed her temple.
"Daryl-."
"I'll handle this I told you I would…"
"This is my fault." Emma said ignoring him as she stood her hand over her stomach.
"How far along are you?" Rick inquired his jaw set in a firm line.
"Eight weeks." She said. "The baby is about the size of a kidney bean…"
"With webbed hands and feet…" Daryl added and Emma smiled softly.
"How did this happen?"
"It was an accident." Daryl said.
"That's one big accident." Rick said.
"We know…" Emma said.
"How could you keep this a secret?" Rick inquired his head reeling.
"I'm still in the early pregnancy miscarriage zone…" Emma said. "I didn't want to tell anyone yet just to lose it, didn't want to worry anyone for nothing." Rick slowly nodded.
"When are you out of that miscarriage zone?"
"Well if I follow my mother's type of pregnancies, about ten weeks."
"At ten weeks we inform everyone…" Rick said.
"Right…" Emma said.
"So… Are congratulations in order?" Rick asked. "Or do you not want to celebrate."
"We've been celebrating on our own." Emma said with a relieved expression. "Look… I found a teddy bear for the baby, I also have one for your little one to come." She said picking up two teddy bears. "I cleaned them all up so they're safe and germ free." Rick smiled as he took one in hand.
"It's nice to know my little one is going to have someone to grow up with…" He looked to Emma who was smiling. "First pregnancy?"
"Yeah…" She said. "How could you tell?"
"Well one you're young, and two… You got that glow…" Emma smiled. "That first baby glow… Congrats you two…" He shook Daryls hand before hugging Emma. "Can't wait to tell Lori she's not alone in the baby department anymore."
"Ten weeks." Emma said.
"Ten weeks I won't jinx you." He said with a smile. "Daryl can I get your help with something real quick?"
"Yeah sure." Daryl said before kissing Emma on the cheek and heading off as Luna curled up on the cot. Emma turned to see the dog had a teddy bear in its mouth.
"No that's not for you!" The dog just tilted her head at her. "Don't look at me like that you know it's for the baby."
"So you're having a kid… How you feel about that?" Rick inquired as he and Daryl headed outside to fix up a fence.
"At first I was freaked, but now…" Daryl shrugged. "It's cool I guess." Rick smiled, he knew Daryl wasn't going to be open with him, but he could see the excitement in his expression. "I'm worried though." Rick looked to him surprised that he had admitted the emotion. "She's been having trouble sleeping and she can't hardly keep her dinner or breakfast down…"
"That's normal, she's gaining the nutrition from the food even if she's throwing it up, as for the sleeping try rubbing her feet or her shoulders, its the excitement and or fear keeping her up she just needs to relax…"
"Fear?" he inquired.
"Well not only is this her first child, but she's having it in a pretty messed up world…" Rick looked around the dark field. "Don't tell anyone, but when Lori found out she nearly tried to get rid of the baby… Took a bunch of morning after pills, threw them up right after it, but she tried…"
"Emma talked about performing an abortion on herself in the beginning…" Rick looked to Daryl. "She threw up the second she mentioned it the first time."
"She wants the baby."
"So do I… I just hope I'm a better father then my old man was."
"We all hope that when it comes to our children." Rick said.
"If I have questions-."
"You can come to me." Rick said and Daryl nodded.
"Thanks man…"
"No problem. We're in this together, us dads, we gotta stick together…" Daryl smiled as he looked off.
"Yeah…"
-o-
Emma smiled as she moved around the room they had been using to teach Carl and Beth. Her hand was on her stomach as she pushed chairs back into desks. She was humming softly to herself as she walked to the chalk board to write down a few Mathematical problems for them to solve. It was nearing ten weeks. Soon everyone would know and it wouldn't be a secret. She was okay with it now. She okay with being pregnant. She still had her fears of course, but she could talk herself through them now and come out okay at the end of it all.
"How far along are you?"
"Nine and a half weeks." She froze before slowly looking to the doorway to see Carol and Lori standing at the door. "Shit."
"You're pregnant I knew it." Lori said with a sparkle in her eye.
"I did too but she had already told me." Carol said surprised that Lori had asked Emma if she was or if she wasn't.
"Nine and a half weeks that's insane…" Lori said walking over and setting her hands on Emmas stomach. "Carol you can feel the growth."
"The baby is about the size of a large grape…" Emma said. "In two weeks it'll be the size of a lime can you believe it?" Emma asked.
"Our baby is having a baby." Carol said with a smile.
"So it's Daryls?"
"Well it isn't Carls." Emma said and Lori laughed.
"Thank god for that, our little ones are going to grow up together, how perfect is this?" Lori asked.
"Not perfect but I'm okay with it." Emma said. "I never planned to have a baby."
"Neither did I at least not in this world."
"At least we'll have each other to get through it, and Carol of course to hold the baby when I can no longer hold my head up." Emma said and Carol laughed.
"How you feeling?" Carol asked walking over. "The first few months are the worst."
"I'm exhausted to be honest, Daryl keeps trying to rub my feet and shoulder before bed it more keeps me awake then anything…"
"Rick does that too it doesn't help me sleep at all." Lori said. "Why don't you take a nap? I can teach class you did it for me in the beginning." Lori said.
"I'll be fine if I get tired enough I'll finally fall asleep tonight…" Emma said as the kids walked in. "You guys ready?" She asked with a smile.
"Let's get to learning." Carl said with a smile wondering why his mothers hands were on Emma's stomach.
-o-
Lori smiled as she brushed her hair. She could hear Rick walking into the room and smiled even more. She turned to look at him and caught his gaze.
"Well… You know about Emma?"
"How did you know? Wait you know too?" Lori asked.
"I walked in on her and Daryl talking." Rick said as he walked over. "That night I brought you the teddy bear." He sat down on the cot. "How did you find out?"
"I caught her humming to herself with her hand on her stomach and just flat out asked her, and she answered right away… I'm scared for her you know because she's so young… But I can't help but be excited that I have someone to experience pregnancy in a walker apocalypse with, does that make me awful?"
"No I think it makes you sane… She's growing fast though huh?" Rick asked with a smile.
"Well she's got a small frame… She shows easier… I'm going to have to let out her pants soon though."
"I can't believe Daryl is having a kid…" Lori laughed.
"I know." She said.
"You know though, something tells me he'll make a great dad… He keeps picking things out for Emma and the baby. He grunts at it like it's no big deal but I can see the excitement like he can't wait to show her what he got for their baby. Still I worry about the delivery, I mean she's our mid wife but she doesn't have a mid wife for herself."
"Carol says she's going to watch and learn everything she can through mine…"
"Probably a good idea… Speaking of yours how's the little one doing?" Rick asked tucking up her shirt and laying his head on her growing stomach.
"Kicking the hell out of me."
"That's my girl."
"How do you know it's a girl it could be boy." She said with a smile.
"No I'm sure of it, we're having a girl…" He said turning to the stomach. "Hey little one… Can you hear me in there?" A shrill scream sounded and they both looked up.
"Who was that?" Rick asked as he quickly got to his seat.
"Help someone!" He rushed down the hallway into the alcove and froze seeing Emma laying in a pool of blood.
"Emma…" Lori rushed around Rick with Carol at her side. Emma made a pained noise as she hunched forward her hand on her stomach.
"Get Hershel!" Lori yelled and Carol nodded as she ran off her hands covered in blood. Rick moved forward and pulled Emma into his arms as he carried her off. "Get Daryl his on the soccer fields with T-dog!" Rick yelled at his son who had come out of one of the classrooms.
"On it!" He yelled before rushing off.
"What's going on?" Emma asked in rushed breaths as tears rolled down her cheeks and wave after wave of pain hit her. "The baby-."
"You're going to be fine." Rick said and the lie tasted fowl. He had been in this situation before with Lori, and she most definitely wasn't going to be fine… Even if she did live through it. "You're going to be fine."
"The baby?"
"The baby too."
"Promise?"
"I promise." He said his jaw clenching as he rushed her towards the nurses office.
"Daryl!" Carl yelled running out of the school. "Daryl!"
"Dude do you hear your name?" T-dog asked looking around the dark soccer field. They both turned to see a light coming at them.
"Daryl it's Emma!" He yelled. They both rushed forward and met Carl half way. "There's blood everywhere, dad told me to get you, Emma is with Hershel!" Daryl instantly took off along with T-dog and Carl but he soon raced far ahead of them and slid into the hallway. As he ran he didn't miss the droplets of blood on the ground. He was in a blur, unsure of what had happened. Did a walker get into the school? Was she bit?
"Emma!?" He ran into the nurses office and froze seeing Emma's bottom half covered in blood.
"Move aside!" Hershel yelled brushing past him.
"Daryl…" Emma reached for him. Before he could run forward and go to her aid he was pulled back from the room. "Daryl… Daryl!"
"Let go of me!" He yelled hearing her scream for him.
"Daryl!" He wheeled around to punch Rick but stopped as Rick grabbed ahold of his offensive arm and pushed it down before slamming him into a wall.
"Listen here listen closely." Rick said with a serious look that made Daryl go silent. "Emma is losing the baby…"
"What?" Daryl asked blinking as he shook his head. "No no she said she was fine."
"Well she was wrong."
"Emma isn't ever wrong, this… this has to be normal."
"It's not…" Rick said and Daryl looked him over. "I know what a miscarriage looks like and what Emma is having is a miscarriage… You heard what she said, from one to ten weeks-."
"She's nine and a half weeks-."
"But not the full ten." Rick said and Daryl slowly looked down at a puddle of blood on the floor.
"Is she going to live?" He asked feeling his heart drop.
"Maybe… If we get some good antibiotics into her…"
"The baby…"
"Won't live…"
"The baby is going to die?" Daryl asked softly still staring at the blood. Rick looked him over as his jaw clenched.
"I know how upset you are, how angry, how devastated… But you have to push aside your emotions because Emma, she's feeling that times a hundred right now… You have to be there for her…" Daryl slowly nodded and looked to him. "Go." Daryl instantly turned and rushed into the room. He didn't hesitate as he rushed over the bloody floor. When he got to her side he took Emmas bloody hand in his and she slowly looked to him tears rolling down her face.
"Where were you?" She asked shaking.
"I'm sorry… I'm so sorry." Daryl said before her head threw back and she screamed in pain. Carl and Maggie were holding her legs spread wide as Lori wiped sweat from her brow.
"It's alright love just breathe…" Lori said.
"The baby…" Emma said. "The baby… Daryl…" He didn't know what to say. He knew that she must understand what was going on, but just didn't want to face it. Still he didn't have the heart to reaffirm what she already knew. What she couldn't bring herself to face. "Daryl?"
"I'm sure… Sure everything is fine…" He said kissing her forehead and Lori looked him over. "We'll get through this both of us…"
"The three of us?" She asked before she started screaming in pain once more.
"The three of us…" He said softly as his eyes shut tightly.
-o-
Emma stared forward as Carol and Lori cleaned her up. Her eyes tried to look at anything in the room that didn't have some evidence of blood on it. Some evidence that she had lost her baby. Lori walked to her side and took her hand. She slowly looked down at it and then to her to see an expression of pure understanding.
"You feel empty in the most devastating way…" Lori said. "It's important to feel that emptiness, and to realize that someday you'll fill it once more with a beautiful healthy baby that you'll carry to full term and hold in your arms…" Emma only nodded and slowly stared forward once more. A knock sounded and Carol waked to the door and opened it up.
"I got her clothes." Maggie said and Carol nodded letting her in. Before Carol could close the door she spotted Daryl sitting in the hallway with the exact same expression Emma wore inside as she sat on a medical gurney. Her heart broke from them in that moment. Broke for both of them. She knew how excited they had been getting. A tear rolled down her cheek and she slowly looked to see T-dog gazing at her. He nodded at her with a soft expression and she nodded back with a weak smile before closing the door.
"Daryl…" Rick kneeled in front of him.
"Is she going to be okay?" Daryl asked looking to Hershel.
"She should be." He said.
"I need a hundred percent from you." Daryl said with a deadly look. "Is she going to be okay?"
"I can't give you a hundred percent Daryl."
"What good are you anyhow?" Daryl asked before gazing back forward.
"She's going to be tired for a few days and bleeding could continue for-."
"Fourteen days maybe more." They all turned to see Emma slowly coming out of the room. Instantly Daryl stood.
"You should not be walking." Hershel said with an alarmed look.
"Come here…" Daryl picked her up in his arms and slowly carried her away. Everyone watched them disappear down the hallway. When they were far out of sight and out of hearing everyone stayed silent for a long moment.
"I didn't even know she was pregnant…" Maggie said softly Glenns arm draped around her shoulders.
"She didn't want us to get excited or worried for nothing…" Rick said. "She said she knew she ran a risk of miscarriage in the first ten weeks because her mother seemed to always lose them in that time…"
"How far along was she?" Beth asked.
"Nine and a half…" Carol said her arms wrapped around herself as her voice broke. "I need to take a walk…" She said blood still staining her clothes.
"Carol…" T-dog went after her.
-O-
Daryl slowly set Emma on her feet. She looked around the bloody alcove for a long moment and shook her head as she slowly moved forward.
"I'll move our cots to another room and come back and clean this up…" Daryl said softly. "I didn't know it looked this way… I'm sorry…" Emma slowly picked up a bloody teddy bear. "Emma…" She looked at it for a long moment before she dropped to her knees and let out a heart wrenching sob. Daryl walked over and slowly picked her up into his arms. "Come on…" He pulled her to his chest as he stood up. "You don't need to be around this right now…" he walked to one of the empty classrooms and headed over to a couch where he sat down.
"Maybe… Maybe this is for the best." Emma said as she wiped her tears away still holding onto the bloody teddy bear. "Maybe I was going to be this awful mother-."
"No."
"That was terrible and wasn't fit to be having kid anyhow so nature stepped in."
"You were going to be an amazing mother…" He said and she shook her head.
"Were…" She repeated her voice breaking. "No… No this is for the best, I was too young, this world… it's not meant for kids… I just…" She looked over the teddy bear. "I just wanted it so bad… I just wanted something so pure and so innocent to hold and to cling to... And to keep that pure and innocent… I just… I wanted the hope a baby could bring…" She gave a cynical laugh. "I'm acting like something died… The baby was the size of a large grape it didn't have a heartbeat. It wasn't even a baby it was a grouping of cells… It didn't die it just… Didn't get born."
"You loved that little grouping of cells though… I loved… That little grouping of cells…" She slowly looked to him with a guilt ridden expression.
"I'm sorry Daryl… I wish I could have carried it all the way."
"It's not your fault…" He said looking her over as a tear rolled down her cheek.
"My mom said that how she lifted herself up after all her miscarriages… She had six mind you… She said that the way she looked at a miscarriage was that a flower had bloomed already wilting… Beginning its life with an early ending."
"Can I ask a question?"
"What I think caused it?" She asked softly and he nodded. She looked him over and tilted her head. "I know what you're thinking…" She said. "You think you didn't do enough, or that you didn't look after me as well as you could have, that's not it at all Daryl… You took really good care of us…"
"Then what caused it?" He asked.
"Who knows." She said with a shrug. "I may just be like my mother in where I have trouble carrying babies." Her voice hitched on the last word as her voice broke and her eyes welled up. "It might have been a deformity in the cells… Who knows..." She wiped a tear away. "There's nothing we can do now…" She said.
"We could try again."
"No." She said her jaw clenching.
"I shouldn't have said that." He admitted softly.
"No I understand why you did…" She said as she gave a shaky sigh. "But… I can't… I… I don't want another baby… I want the one I had…" She laid her head on his shoulder. "I was so looking forward to holding the baby… Only nine and a half weeks and I already had so many hopes and… and dreams…"
"I know… Me too…" He said his arms around her. "I'm so sorry I wasn't there for you when it started."
"It's fine… You were out there protecting us from the obvious dangers… I have to stop saying us… There isn't an us anymore…"
"We'll get through this Emma…"
"I was so happy… I hadn't been that happy since Annabelle was around." Her voice broke. "If it was a girl I wanted to name it Annabelle." Tears rolled down her cheeks. "God I need to stop crying." She said completely irritated with herself.
"You've been through a lot the last few months… Nearly getting killed, having to deal with your little sister, the unplanned pregnancy, now this…"
"It's all kind of piled on me…" She said.
"And you haven't dealt with any of it…" He said. "Now this is forcing you too."
"Since when are you all knowing and insightful?" She asked softly as he brushed her tears away.
"Since about a second ago don't worry I'll turn back to normal soon." She looked him over.
"Are you trying to joke around with me?" She asked.
"Bad timing?" He asked slightly fearful of her rage. He was pretty sure she could kill him with only her thumb if she wanted. She looked him over for a long moment before giving the softest smallest of smiles.
"Thanks." She said taking his hand. "Can you do me a favor?" She asked her hand going to her stomach.
"Anything."
"I would get it myself-."
"What do you need I'll get it?" He inquired wanting to do anything for her in that moment.
"I could use some water and something to numb the pain… I thought I could take it but… It's rough."
"I'll be right back." Daryl said getting up and running from the room. Emma watched the empty doorway for a moment before reaching into her pocket and grabbing a bottle of pills. She had taken them off the counter in the nurses office, and in all honesty they were looking very friendly in that moment. She heard rapid footsteps and stuffed the pills back into her pocket as Daryl ran back in.
"What is it?" She asked as he walked to her.
"Nearly forgot…" He cupped her cheek and kissed her gently. "I love you…" She looked him over.
"I love you too." She said softly.
"I'll be right back…" he said before rushing off. Emma slowly pulled the painkillers from her pocket she stared at them for a long moment before tossing them across the room to rest on Hershels bags.
"You all aint looking to friendly any more…" She said softly staring at the deserted pain killer bottle before she hissed in pain as her hand flew to her stomach. "This will pass… This has to pass…" She said softly not referring to the pain but instead the deep emptiness she felt in that moment. She slowly laid back on the couch to stare up at the ceiling. She had never felt so weak before in her life. Not just physically but emotionally as well. She knew there was a chance she was going to lose it, but in all honesty she had never thought she actually would, not when she loved something so much. Her eyes shut tightly as a tear rolled down her cheek.
"Stop it, just… Breathe through it… You're not the first person this has ever happened to…"
"Burying it isn't going to help." She looked to see Lori walking in her hand on her stomach. Emma instantly turned away. She didn't know why but in that moment she couldn't stand the sight of Lori.
"It's… How I do things."
"You just lost a baby."
"I'm aware."
"I know how it feels."
"I know."
"You have to face it Emma. Head on."
"Not on the night it happened I don't." Emma said the pain beginning to build once more. She sat up as she hissed in pain her hand planted on her stomach as she moved.
"Emma I know how you feel."
"You keep saying that."
"Well it's true…" Lori said moving towards her.
"Can… Can I just have some time to myself… I just really want to be by myself."
"You shouldn't be alone."
"Lori please get away from me, I just want to grieve alone."
"But you won't grieve I know you you'll push it down burry it."
"Daryl will be back soon I'll grieve with him…"
"You should be with a friend."
"I don't really want to be around you Lori." Emma said her jaw clenching from the pain growing in her stomach.
"Why not?" Lori asked blinking.
"I just… I can't be around you right now."
"What the hell did I do?"
"You didn't do anything."
"I'm just trying to help Emma."
"Well you're rubbing your still pregnant belly in my fucking face instead!" Emma suddenly yelled and Lori took a step back. Emma took a few breaths before slowly getting up onto her feet. "Just… Leave me alone for a while… Stay away from me… Please…" Emma slowly moved past her.
"What are you doing on your feet?" Daryl asked walking to the doorway with Rick.
"This place is too crowded…" Daryl picked her up in his arms as he looked over Lori who was looking at Emma with a wide eyed look.
"Emma I'm sorry-."
"Save it." Emma said as Daryl carried her off. "You really don't have to carry me everywhere."
"I don't mind, what was that about?" He inquired.
"Nothing just… Lori being insensitive…"
"Want me to have a talking with her?"
"Do I want you to have a talking with an emotionally unstable hormonal pregnant woman?"
"Well when you say it like that…" He said with a smile.
"Where are we going?"
"Maggie and Beth set up the bell tower for you so you and I could be away from the group for a while."
"That was sweet of them…" She said as she hissed in pain.
"You alright?"
"Yeah…"
"I got the aspirin in my back pocket." She reached behind him and grabbed it before throwing four back. "Hershel is trying to find some pain pills for you… But he says he's misplaced a bottle."
"That's… Too bad." She said as they walked up the stair case leading to the bell tower. When they got inside Emma spotted Luna who was curled up into a small ball. Daryl slowly set her on her feet and Emma made her way over to a few of the bundled blankets. She slowly laid down and ran her hands over Lunas black fur.
"Hey girly…" She said quietly. Daryl slowly laid down behind her and wrapped his arms around Emma who instantly moved back against him.
"Thanks for being sweet…" She said. "I know it's hard for you."
"Not with you it isn't." She smiled softly.
"I think I'm going to sleep for about fifty years…" She said.
"Me too…" he said as he looked her over.
Daryl didn't sleep that night though. Instead he watched over Emma. His hand resting on her stomach which no longer held the bloat of a full womb. He didn't know how to feel in that moment, but he did know that there was a hollow ache in the middle of his chest for the woman he held in his arms.
AN: Sooo that's over and done with, can we move on and give me reviews again? pwease! love you guys.