OKAY, OKAY, OKAY...I AM A TERRIBLE WRITER, I KNOW, FOR GIVING Y'ALL ALL THESE CLIFFIES, BUT I DO NEED TO MAKE SURE YOU GUYS ARE STILL INTERESTED. OH, AND I'VE DECIDED TO MAKE EACH YEAR SEPERATE. JUST SEEMS RIGHT.
GOD BLESS AND GOOD DAY!
~LF221
I ended up in a rustic fireplace, and clutched the sides to get the world to stop spinning before leaping out. Padfoot was right behind me as I crept around the corner, to find the Weasley's sitting around the table, most clutching cups of tea. I breathed a heavy sigh of relief, which was far too loud to go unnoticed.
"Oops." I mumbled to myself, as the red-heads jumped in shock. "Forgot the Patronus, didn't I?" I smacked my forehead. When I looked up, I found Mrs. Weasley inches from me, looking highly worried.
"Rosie, dear...we...we didn't know you were coming...are you...is everything alright?" I chuckled. Now that I was here, this all seemed highly foolish. And childish.
"Yeah, Mrs. Weasley. I just...read this mornings paper, and...was worried. I thought...is everyone alright?"
"Yes, of course, Rosemary." Mrs. Weasley said in a tone that suggested she didn't know why I was suddenly in their house, unannounced and uninvited. Merlin, this was awkward. "How about you sit down and have a nice, hot cuppa?" She asked, arm around my shoulders.
"That would be nice, but Remus might be worried. I should probably get going..." I said awkwardly, scratching the back of my neck. Padfoot chose this moment to nudge me toward the table. I then remembered that Padfoot could get home and tell Remus just fine.
"Oh, nonsense, dear. Come and sit down." I didn't want to impose, but tea did sound nice. I can hear my heart pounding still.
"Were you that worried?" Fred asked as I squeezed into a chair beside him. I flushed.
"Well...yeah. I mean, the Dark Mark at the World Cup...Dark Wizards running around...I just..."
"Wanted to make sure you didn't lose us?" George said with an overly dramatic hand over his forehead. I narrowed my eyes.
"Can it, G...George." I was relieved when Ron nodded behind me. I huffed and rolled my eyes. I still felt really bad that I had just showed up.
"Well, at least she was attached enough to Floo here at the slightest possibility that we were gone." Someone said. I hurriedly finished my tea.
"So...uh...do you guys know if Seamus made it out okay?"
"Dunno. But we didn't ever see him, so...I guess that's not saying much." George replied.
"Yeah. Probably didn't even know we were there." Fred added. I stood up.
"Thank you for the tea, Mrs. Weasley, but I think it's time I got back."
"Certainly, Rose. Anytime." I blushed at having to ask for Floo Powder. "Not to worry. Not to worry." Mrs. Weasley soothed.
=#=#=#=#=
"Have fun?" Dad asked, grinning.
"Oh, please. I felt so awkward."
"You had to learn." Remus mused, turning the page. "If you had actually read the article, you would have read that there no fatalities." I face-palmed.
"Geez. Somebody could have told me!" I said. "I nearly had a heart attack."
"Well, yes, it was a relatively frightening idea. Dark Wizards running around, but you should have read the paper, at least, before rushing off. This is something you had to learn on your own."
"Just don't do that to me again, please. That was so awkward!"
"Fine." Dad chuckled. "Just don't yank me into the house next time something big happens."
"Fine." I grumbled, but then grinned.
"They didn't even seem to notice you, though."
"Yeah..." He shrugged. "Probably assumed I wondered in with you, Rosie."
"Probably. Wanna go grocery shopping, Dad?"
"Nah...I think I'll stay. Last time, I was nearly taken away by Animal Control. You left me too long."
"Well, I couldn't find the ice cream! They rearranged things!"
"Sure...whatever." Remus suddenly to remember something and tossed one of the envelopes toward me. In it were two letters. One, to tell me my grades, and the other was a list of the new books and things I'd need. Even with the letters removed, the envelope was heavy. I tilted it and out came a gleaming Gryffindor badge with a big 'P' superimposed over it. My jaw hung as I sat there in shock. Me, a Prefect?! What was Dumbledore thinking?!
"No way!" Dad cried.
"This is a huge responsibility you are being trusted with, Rosemary." I nodded, still numb as I headed out into the suddenly windy day. I intended to use the shopping to come to grips with being a Prefect this year.
That's...Funny. The wind wasn't this bad during my run. I grabbed a bike from the garage, and then enjoyed the race down the dirt lane toward the convenience store for more cereal and milk.
"Find everything okay?" The kind cashier asked.
"Yes. I'm getting used to the new arrangements."
"Will this be all for you today?"
"Yes, thank you. Have a great shift!" I called as I walked back out of the door. I pedaled as slowly as possible. It was not hidden from me that Dad and Remus wanted time alone to talk things over. I feel certain that I am the topic of conversation, and don't want to barge in. I did, however, peek in to see what I could catch.
"-not a child anymore. It's amazing sometimes...the way she just...figures things out."
"I feel certain that you have something to do with that, Remus." Dad replied. Remus chuckled.
"I doubt it."
"Remus, Stoppit! You are always throwing yourself down. Take some credit! If anyone lacks in the parental department, it's me!" Whoa...you were in Azkaban that whole time! You couldn't have raised me!
"Now, Sirius-"
"No! I just...I hardly know how to talk to her sometimes! It's maddening! She's my flesh and blood! It shouldn't be hard to talk to her! But it is! I can't help but want to talk to her like I would to Jenny, and then I remember that she isn't, and then I have milliseconds to figure out what to say to her, so I automatically revert to sass and sarcasm!"
"It's not like she doesn't want to hang out with you, Sirius. She wants to spend as much time with you as you want to spend with her. She loves your sass. It means you're recovering from-"
"But I don't feel like I am!" I caught my breath in shock. Was that why Dad's constantly moody and depressed? Because he feels like a failure as a father? How did he reach that conclusion? "I feel like I'm getting nowhere! The only reason I am not screaming in the middle of the night is because Rosie gives up having her own room to let me wrap my arms around her, hugging her tightly to me all night. I doubt she's getting the rest she needs, and-"
"Mate, she loves you more than anything." Remus swallowed. "If she had to spend every night, all night, just talking to you, she'd do it."
"I wouldn't let her." I felt love and affection for my dad and godfather flood me. Is that how they view me? I...I...don't know if that's the real me...I almost feel like it isn't...but at the same time...I know it is. I guess Remus has gotten to me too much, let me self-deprecate with the nerve to call it humility. That's probably what he'd call his martyr complex. Being a gentleman, being the realistic one...he'd call it just being a bloody realist for once, but I know better. He is a Melancholy Pessimist with a serious Martyr Complex. It's amazing he hasn't gone suicidal yet. Okay, no, that's harsh. It's not like that. He may view the world as a cold, hard, cruel place all the time, but he knows better than to let himself think about ending it. The Wolf wouldn't let him if he tried. It's a stubborn creature, after all...
"I know, mate, but still. You don't need to worry about Rosie. She's a tough little girl. She's had to be..."
"Remus..."
"I mean it, Sirius. She forces herself to stay with me on Full Moons, and when she was in school, I know she barely studied or did anything too productive the next day, putting up with Snape's terrible substitution work, and-" He broke off, sighing. I knew than that Remus was getting everything he wanted to say off his mind at once. "And it's not fair to her to do that to herself, but she's too kind to stop, and I just don't even know what to do. She's...she's so like you, Pads, but so like Jenn, as well. She has her potential for Hufflepuff, but your love of Gryffindor. She's made great friends there. In fact, I think that's what happened today. She was scared for her friends' lives."
"I would be, too, if I knew that Dark Wizards ran around where I knew my mates to be."
"Because your mates tended to paint targets on their backs."
"The Order knew what we were getting into. Or we thought we did." Remus sighed heavily. It was obvious that this was something they were forcing themselves to do, so I stayed where I was.
"I just can't believe that this is happening again. It's just like last time, remember? These things started as we were about halfway through our seventh year."
"I know. We were too young to be properly scared, properly motivated to take safety seriously..."
"No, we did, it's just we didn't keep our guard up as much as we should have. We were so caught up in everything, trying to balance the Order, romance, and everything else that we...let ourselves be swept along, and before we knew it, we were hung to dry..."
"I miss her so much, Remus. It hurts to remember the way she was holding my hand that night. I was her pillar of strength, and I let her down. I let her down badly."
"Sirius, we've been through this..."
"I know, but it's just...I know she would not have died if she had just left when I told her to. I told her to get Rose and head to your place, right after we found Peter. I told her to 'start the apologies' and she wouldn't do it." Dad exhaled shakily in what I knew was an attempt to hold in tears. "I let her come with me, and then when Peter threw her to the hippogriffs, as well, I lost it. You know, for those twelve years, I've been thinking...'what if I was the one who accidentally set off that explosion? What if I killed my own wife?'"
"Sirius..."
"I know I shouldn't, but I do! I really do!" Dad said. "It's been so hard since I've gotten out. I passed me and Jenn's spot in the woods, you know? I found it, and I just...sat there for hours, remembering all the good times we had there...all the memories of full moon Maraudings and things...we were so young, so foolish back then..." We all are...I thought, sitting below the window. I wanted to let this play out. It may hurt, but it'll be worth it.
"We were headstrong and feeling huge daredevils. That's partly why I never went and confessed to Dumbledore."
"You wouldn't have, anyway. We made that Marauders Pact, mate."
"Yes, but still..." Remus heaved a sigh. "That just proves my cowardice." This, ladies and gentlemen, is what it's like living with Remus. He's constantly throwing himself into the dirt, almost without a thought. And it's really annoying when he does it when he needn't. But that's why I keep encouraging and bolstering him. I want him to see how amazing he is. How happy he could and should be, how much he's worth. I want him to feel loved. So I went to the door, loudly setting my bike down and grabbing my bags. When Remus opened the door, I grinned widely.
"Hey."
"You're fast, little Prefect girl."
"Benefits of running, Remus." Dad said, grinning as he took the bags from me.
"Dad...I could've gotten it. I still can't believe I got the badge!"
"Meh. I'm not." Dad said. "After all, you were raised by Remus." I huffed. I wanted to the food away, but my 'parents' had said they felt I worked too hard for them, so I let them help me here. It wasn't that big of a deal, honestly, but Dad was grinning as he put the milk in the fridge and put the cereal away. He, like me, couldn't believe that I was being handed something so serious.
=#=#=#=#=
Later the next day, Remus, Dad (as Padfoot) and I went to the Burrow to apologize more fully and actually just to...hang out. We decided to not rub it in that I had a badge, and kept the conversation on every detail we could get about the cup.
It was all my idea. I just figured we should. Remus and Dad need to get out of the house. So do I, but that's beside the point. It went fairly well, despite the awkwardness of explaining my headlong panic. It was honestly just...I just panicked. I guess this is what friends do for each other, though.
"Honestly, I just panicked."
"Well, it was sweet of you to come rushing over, but didn't you read the article? It said there weren't any casualties and all that..."
"Yeah...no. I just saw the headline, read up til the Dark Wizards were mentioned, and...lost it, I guess." I'd said, cheeks burning.
"Well...that's alright, dear." Mrs. Weasley had said as she dished more cheesy macaroni onto my plate. Remus was just eating his food quietly, not making more of an impression than he needed to. I hated when he did this. Mr. Weasley caught a look I gave Remus, trying to get him to engage in the table conversation about the Cup, and struck up a conversation with him.
"So, Remus...where'd you get that dog? He's very well-mannered." Remus caught my eye, smirked, and turned to answer Mr. Weasley. I looked around the table, catching Ron's bewildered stare.
"You brought him here?" He mouthed. I nodded subtly. Remus cleared his throat.
"I found him wondering the lane when I got back from the school. Rosemary convinced me to let him stay."
"I'm glad she did. He's looking a bit skinny, isn't he?" Typical Mrs. Weasley...
"Yes. One of the reasons I finally caved. Poor thing was worse when we found him." Padfoot gave a bark beside Remus' seat, and I reached over and scratched his ear.
"Yeah...he's just beginning to put on weight. I've been running him to keep him toned, with the amount of food he's eating." I said, grinning. Padfoot gave another indignant bark. It was so hilarious, everyone chuckled. I straight up laughed, my sides aching by the end of it. I had been thoroughly entertained all evening, watching the Weasleys play with him. I loved that Dad fit so naturally into a dog's role, and I also love it that I can see that Dad really is enjoying himself. Molly had probably told him stories during the first Wizarding War, about all the trouble the boys would get into...and now he's seeing these kids grown up into fine young people. I smile as Ginny scratches under Dad's chin.
All too soon, however, it's time to leave. We bid goodbye to the Weasley Clan, and head down the lane. As soon as we are out of sight, Dad transforms.
"Forgot how much fun it is to play as a dog."
"Ooohhh, we could play together! WolfTail, PadFoot, and Moony!" I blurted. It was almost a full moon, two nights to go including this one, actually, and I had secretly been planning it out, itching to say something. Remus groaned.
"Rosie..." Dad burst out laughing.
"You have no idea how weird that sounds, Rose...no idea." I blushed.
"What?"
"Nothing. I think that's a wonderful idea, Rosemary."
"Thanks, Remus." I said, snobbishly turning my nose up at Dad, and linking my arm with my godfather's. We laughed at Dad's crestfallen face. "Relax, Dad. I was only teasing."
"I know."
"He loves being over-dramatic, remember?"
"Oh, yes." I chuckled.
=#=#=#=#=
The night came too soon. We were gathered in the basement, waiting for the silver light to creep into the one small window. Remus had yet to look away from us.
"Are...are you sure you guys-"
"Remus, stop!" Dad and I chorused. "Yes." I continued. "We've done this-"
"Countless times." Dad interjected. Remus sighed.
"I suppose I should get used-"
"Yeah. We'll always be here." I interrupted. "You shouldn't have to go through this alone ever again." I said. "I'll even talk to Gran and sort it all out so I can come home every full moon."
"You-" I felt slightly bad that I was being rude, even as I reached over and cut Remus off with two fingers. I smiled in a 'I love you dearly, but please shut up' look. Dad just sat there, giggling. I sighed, as Remus did beside, and we settled back down to wait for the moon to come up.
I ended up leaning against Remus' shoulder, and Dad was laying with his head in my lap, humming tunelessly. Then, I felt every muscle in Remus' body twitch and tense at once. He let out a groan that quickly turned into a scream as the pain ramped up. I leapt up, in synch with Dad, and ran to the door, locking it normally then sealing us in magically as Remus screams turned to howls of pure agony. As I turned back to my godfather, who was now completely hairy and turning more lupine by the second, I changed to WolfTail, and scurried over, even as PadFoot did the same beside me. It seemed that Dad was born for this very thing, as he automatically placed himself beside the door, and as Moony sauntered toward him, he nudged him back as I came over, as well. Together, we passed the night chasing Moony, who was jittery tonight, around the frankly pretty small basement room. We always somehow made sure that we kept the door covered.
To be honest, this was probably the most involved and exhausting full moon I have ever been awake for. Ugh. I rolled my eyes for what felt like the umpteenth time as Moony brought a board he had found to PadFoot for another round of chasing. I grabbed the board in my mouth before PadFoot could and took off around the small-ish room.
Then, just as Moony was about to catch up to me, he collapsed, whining and barking in pain.
About time...I thought half-heartedly as Remus transformed back. He lay there, the board on the ground beside his mouth (touching it, in fact) as he panted with the exertion of getting back to the man I love so much.
"Do...do I want to know?"
"About the board? No, you really don't." Dad and I said together. Merlin, it's gonna be hard, leaving in...a month. Crud.
Remus picked himself up, and I sprang forward, supporting him as we made our way to the door Dad opened for us.
"Thanks." We both said. Dad nodded, and we made our way to our bedrooms in silence. I laid Remus down, then slipped into my room to change before going to Dad's room. It was automatic, after all these nights of doing it...
Wait...is Dad...is he really...crying?!
"Dad? Dad, what's wrong?"
"Same thing as always. Memories...ghosts of times long past." Dad sobbed. I swallowed.
"...I'm sorry if I'm the—"
"No, it's not you. It's never you. It's all in my head. I saw...I saw Jenny, laying there under that car, fer..fer Pete's sake...for twelve years...you'd think it's be easier seeing someone so similar to her now...but it only drives that stake in deeper, you know?" I swallowed...yeah I did. I'd seen the grief in Dad's eyes sometimes, when he looks at me laughing, watches me perform magic around the house, or just jamming out to some of my favorite tunes as I Tergeo the lighthouse. And I'd suddenly be hit by what hit Dad.
Mum. Her loss is still raw and fresh, no matter how long it's been. The Dementors' presence and attention made sure of that. It would send a pang to my heart, seeing Dad in such a state, and knowing that I was the cause, with my resemblance to the wonderful woman who gifted me with life, so soon before her death.
Three years is far too short a time to be a parent, and giving your child away, like Dad did...I couldn't do that. I could never give my own child away. I hugged Dad, tears running down my cheeks. I felt another presence, and then, faintly, I heard footsteps retreating down the hall. Remus had probably heard everything. Remus had probably already had this discussion with Dad.
"I think I do." I replied, hugging Dad tighter.
=#=#=#=#=
The weeks flew. It was filled with more conversations about Dad with Remus, and more conversations about...loss with Dad. Things like this were common:
"He's suffering, that much is certain. But he's too prideful to admit to needing help. He'll never do it."
"Yeah. You'd be insane to try and get him to admit it."
"He'd admit it to you, if you let him."
"Remus..."
"I mean it, Rose..."
Or sitting with Dad after he breaks down again: "I just...it's weird. You'd think, after twelve years, thinking about Jenny would be easier, wouldn't you?"
"I don't know, Dad. I just...I don't think this is the same. I think...the Dementors...forced the numb shock on you again and again, but it was never...dealing with the grief and loss...it was just reopening the wound, over and over...torture, really. And now you're left to cope as best you can."
"How'd you get so wise?"
"I had a great teacher."
"I know. I wish...I wish I could have...but then I had to go and-"
"Dad, stop."
It was things like this that make me more determined than ever to at least try and fix my broken family. Artemis' only advice is to 'keep up the good work. I think you're making headway'. Trouble was, I didn't really feel that way. I still felt as though leaving Dad for the semester would be the worst thing to do. I only have a week left.
And that's when brilliance strikes. I lead Dad to the roof, carefully balancing and staring up at the stars. It would be nice for Dad to see them, and I can't fathom why it took so long to come up with this. It seemed to do a world of good.
"Can you show me the constellations, Dad? I don't remember them, or where they are..." Remus had indeed shown me once or twice when I was a bit younger, but I wasn't lying when I said I couldn't remember where they were, or even what they were.
"Certainly. There, of course, is Sirius. My parents probably thought I was going to be the perfect little pureblood heir, a shining example to all the other families..." Dad sighed, and let his hand fall.
"But you weren't."
"No, I wasn't, was I?" He gave a self-important sniff. I rolled my eyes.
"Seriously? That's why they names you after the brightest star around?" Dad blinked, looking torn between laughing and merely smiling, until...
"I'm Dad Sirius."
"You did not!"
"Oh, yes I did." Dad replied, reaching over and tickling my ribcage.
=#=#=#=#=
Well, the day had finally come.
And I was nearly sobbing and puking in anxiety. Would I have more hexes? Or more friends? Would people avoid me like the plague, or would they just politely decline my company?
"Are you sure it's alright if I run up to the castle from the station?" I asked for the millionth time, pacing the living room while we waited. Dad laughed.
"I'm certain worse things have happened, Rosie." I chuckled.
"You mean you did worse things?" I asked. Dad's frown said it all. Remus shook his head.
"You just don't give an inch, do yah?"
"With sarcasm? Nah." I replied, giggling. Once again, my godfather (and father to some extent) acted like a steady protector against nerves. It was now almost 9:30. We'll be leaving soon. I've been sorting through the clothes Dad sent all summer.
"How did you know my size?" I'd asked. Dad shrugged.
"I have a lot of hand-me-downs from the family, and I thought it should be put to good use."
"You went to your house, and got these for me?"
"As PadFoot, it was a simple slip-in and out. I don't think even the house elf knew I was there."
"You got the clothes as PadFoot?"
"No! I happen to be able to be stealthy to some extent, you know!"
"I'm certain." I replied. Dad shook his head but hugged me none the less. "I'll miss you, Dad."
"I'll miss you, too, Pup." I took a deep breath, then grabbed the handle to my trunk, and pulled it out to the car, putting my case in the boot, then climbing into the passenger seat. Remus drove off, and I couldn't help waving back at Dad as we drove away for King's Cross. I sighed as I sank back into the seat, the lighthouse behind, Hogwarts ahead.
Come what may, I'm starting to look forward to this year, for some reason...
MUCH AS I DON'T WANT TO, I THINK I'LL KEEP THE YEARS SEPERATE. MY FRIEND HAD A GOOD POINT: THIS WOULD BE, LIKE, A HUNDRED CHAPTERS LONG IF I KEPT EVERYTHING TOGETHER, SO...SORRY.