...Hello, everyone. This story hasn't been updated in months and I'm sorry about that. If anyone still wants to read this story, I'm going to contiune it. This chapter is mainly about Mark (Matt's brother who came to live with Sam). I debated whether or not to add this chapter, but I decided to just write it. I think it was the best way to explain why Mark was there and to write geniune Mark/Beth interaction without Sam in the scene.

This chapter is the first and most likely the only chapter that will have parts from point of view of someone other than Sam. I hope you guys enjoy this chapter. But if you want to read a chapter completely from Sam's POV, it will be posted in a couple of hours. I wanted to proofread it before posting.

Disclaimer: I don't own these characters, please excuse grammatical errors, thank-you for the past reviews, and enjoy!

The entire car was silent as we drove toward Beth's house. Mark was in the front passenger seat looking down at his bruised knuckles. In the rearview mirror, I could see Beth and Heather sitting on opposite sides of the backseat. Beth was looking out the window. Heather was sitting straight up, biting her nails. Her brows began to furrow as she watched Beth.

Heather seemed confused by what was going on, but surprisingly-uncharacteristically-she hadn't said or asked anything. Meanwhile, I gripped the steering wheel tighter, as I tried to figure out when my life had become so complicated.

Heather dropped her hands from her mouth and began to fiddle nervously with the horizontal part of her seatbelt. With her eyes narrowed, nose scrunched, and lips tight, her facial expression seemed almost pained. If I knew my little girl, she was thinking. Probably thinking hard about what to say. I knew she had wanted to say something to Beth, because Heather's eyes had stayed locked on her ever since we had left the house.

"You're pretty." Heather had found her first words.

Beth turned tentatively toward Heather as if she was unsure to whom Heather was talking to. "Um…thank-you." Beth's gaze returned to the window.

Heather's face softened. It was all the reply that Heather needed to start the conversation…well more like badgering. "How old are you?"

"16." Again, Beth turned her attention to Heather to answer the question, before returning to the window.

"Why do you have blue stripes in your hair?"

Beth shrugged with one shoulder. "I like it."

Heather nodded. It was a good enough answer. "Why are you nervous?"

Beth shifted uncomfortably in her seat. "You ask a lot questions."

Heather shrugged her shoulders. "I've been told that I'm precocious. But why are you nervous?"

Beth sighed. "And you're persistent."

I stopped at a red light. "Okay, Heather. I think you asked Beth enough questions."

Heather nodded. "Why does Mark have a black eye?"

I turned to the backseat and glared at her. "Heather-"

Heather gave a sheepish look. "I didn't ask Beth specifically…"

Beth crossed her arms and rolled her eyes. "Mark got punched in the face because he was being hot-headed."

Mark looked up from his hands shocked at her accusation. "Sorry for trying to defend us."

Beth leaned forward in her seat. "I didn't ask you to defend my honor."

"I was trying to defend us. Not your honor." Mark said. "I don't think people who betray the trust of their friends have much honor."

Beth inhaled sharply at his words and leaned back in her chair. She mumbled something that sounded like asshole.

"No cursing, Beth." I said before turning to Mark. "You don't speak that way to your friends."

"Friends don't take the side of people who attack them. Friends don't leave friends hanging."

Beth quickly added, "In order to leave you hanging, I have to consider you a friend. How dare you put yourself into my business? I've only known you two days!"

"It became my business with your boyfriend tried to start something."

"He isn't my boyfriend anymore!"

"Does he know that?"

The back and forth between the two went on for another solid minute before I had enough. "Stop. Stop the arguing right now."

Mark turned to look out the window. Beth slumped back against the seat. I don't know what exactly happened between those two but the new animosity was apparent.

A few minutes had passed before I felt a tap on my shoulder. "Umm…dad…I know this is an inappropriate time, but Beth cursed a few minutes ago. She owes me a dollar."

"Is she serious?" Beth asked. "My house is on the left."

I pulled the car up in front of the house. Beth quickly opened the door and left for her house.

"Somebody's in a hurry…" Heather said.

"Wait!" I said getting out of the car. "I need to speak with your mother."

Beth turned around quickly, crossing her arms. "Why-why?" Her voice stammered.

"I can't just drop you off without telling your mother that you were in a fight."

Beth walked slowly toward me, looking down slightly downward to avoid eye contact. "Can you please not tell my mom? Please. I just got off the punishment and I really don't want to disappoint her again."

Small bits of emotion came through her voice. "I-I hate that look she gives me when she is disappointed. I can't stand that look." Beth looked up at me, her eyes giving a silent plea. Her grip on her arms seemed to be getting tighter and began to seem more like a self hug than an arm crossing.

I sighed. "I wouldn't tell her what happened."

"Oh, thank-you." Beth breathed a sigh of relief as she dropped her arms. "Thank-you so much."

"But I still need to talk to her."

Beth's eyes closed slightly as she tilted her head to the side. "Why?"

"I need to talk to her about your parents." I said. "Your biological parents."

I was the last one to walk into my house. The tension on the ride home had been thick. Even the usually inquisitive, talkative Heather didn't say a word on the ride back. Walking into the living room, I heard the door to the basement open. "Close that door. You're not getting off that easy."

Mark closed the door and gave me an indifferent stare. "Mark, sit down on the couch, because you are going to tell me everything that happened."

Mark didn't say a word as he sat down on the couch.

I turned to Heather."It's way past your bedtime."

Heather twisted her face in disappointment. "Aww, come on dad. It was just starting to get good. I wanna know what happened too."

I shook my head. "Good night, Heather."

Heather gave an exaggerated sigh before she began to walk toward her room. I barely heard her mumble, "Something interesting finally happens…" I walked over and sat down next to Mark when I heard Heather's door close.

Mark started. "Look, I don't have anything else to say that I already haven't told you."

I looked at Mark. "You told me that you and Derek had a disagreement. That has to be one of the vaguest answers I have ever heard. You have a black eye that I have to explain to your brother. 'You had a disagreement' isn't going to cut it."

"Matt doesn't have to know." Mark said.

"Yes, he does and so do I. What happened today?"

"Nothing. I can take care of myself."

I was getting tired of the defiance. "Oh, I know you can take care of yourself. I can tell by the black eye." I said with sarcasm in my voice.

Mark's glare was now cold. "I'm not going to sit here and let you patronize me." He stood up and walked over toward the basement door.

I heard creaking that signaled the opening door. "Mark."

I stood from the couch and I looked over at Mark. He didn't look back. "Put yourself in my shoes. You get a teenager literally sent to you overnight. You know almost nothing about him except from the few brief times you had sent him over the years. But you take him in on your friend's- this kid's brother- word that he is good kid. A brother that this kid actually can't stand for some reason that he won't disclose. This kid that you got overnight won't tell you anything. Nothing about his past or why it was so urgent that he had to leave the state. Now, he comes to the door with a black eye and gives you some lame excuse. Tell me, Mark. What would you do in my shoes?"

Mark closed the door and turned toward me. "Your shoes? Your shoes? Look at where you live! You have no idea what my life has been like. The things I have had to endure for the past seventeen years. I have been in hell for the last month."

Mark walked to behind the couch and looked me in the eyes. I recognized the look in his eyes. It was similar to the sadness in my eyes at seventeen, when I had what felt like the weight of the world on my shoulders.

Mark continued, "What would I do in your shoes? I don't know. I don't have the luxury to take in charity projects, because that is what I am to you right? A charity project."

My eyes widened. "Not at all. Where is this coming from?"

"Nothing. Why don't I go down in the basement and you just pretend that I don't exist. I'll stop being your overnight problem." Mark walked over toward the basement door.

"I was homeless when I was seventeen." I said.

Mark stopped midstep and looked over at me in shock. "What?"

"I was homeless when I was seventeen."

Mark turned to fully face me. He looked at me as if he was studying me or trying to figure out what to say. He finally let out something that was combination of a laugh and a breath. "What? Are you trying to relate to me? I wasn't homeless."

"I didn't say that you were. I'm saying that I know what it's like to go through something difficult during your teenage years. I remember seventeen. It was amazing. I was the quarterback of my high school football team. I had a beautiful girlfriend. My life just seemed perfect. It felt perfect. But things started to fall apart. I was injured during a football game. Then I came home early one day and my mom was crying. My family lost our home. Then it turned out my girlfriend had been cheating on me…it was not a good year. So, then I got a job and my job was practically my family's sole income for a while."

"What's the point?"

I sighed. "The point is that things get better. Eventually, my dad got a job. I got to play wide receiver and I met an amazing girl who liked me for who I was. And I guess, the other point is that when you are going through something…it helps to talk about it. I had friends that made me talk about it. It seems that you need that too."

"Talk about my feelings?" Mark's voice was filled with disgust. "Are you kidding me?"

"I get it. We're guys. We aren't supposed to feel. We aren't supposed to talk about our feelings, because we might seem weak. But Mark, there is no shame in talking about what you're going through and how you feel. You can't let that stuff fester. You have to let it out. It will consume you."

Mark didn't say anything, so I continued.

"If not to me or Matt, you need to talk to someone. Because anger, resentment, fury, or whatever you're feeling will come out in other ways. It'll come out in destructive ways, like a fist fight." I said putting emphasis on the last two words.

Mark briefly touched his slightly swollen eye. "Talking wouldn't make me less angry. It'll just bring it to the surface-"

"So you can let it out." I said finishing his sentence with my own words.

Mark looked off to the side to avoid eye contact. "How do you know all this?" His tone was less anger, more questioning.

"Because I was you at seventeen. Trying to be strong and taking on the burdens of the world. I see myself in you." Mark looked at me. "That's how I know. Well that… and my psychology degrees."

Mark let out a quick laugh, before walking over to the couch. We both sat down.

Mark said in a serious tone. "Where do we start?"

I asked, "What do you have against your brother?"

Mark shook his head. "Can we start off with something…less serious?"

"Why were you selling drugs?" I asked.

Mark shifted uncomfortably in his seat. "Bills were stacking up…it's a long story."

"I have time."

Mark sighed. "It all started one day at school…"

I hadn't been to other high schools in the Miami area, but this school had to be one of the poorest in the district. I was at my locker, which was in main hallway at Grant High School. I pulled out and swapped one duck tape repaired book for another one. I had to usually remember different rips and marks on each book since I couldn't read the titles on more than half of the books.

"Mark!"

I turned to the side to see my long-time friend, Drew, running toward me. "Did you do the math homework? Can I copy it?"

I nodded and handed him my homework. "Why don't you just do the math homework at home?"

Drew retorted, "Why do Kanye and Jay-Z want everyone to watch an imaginary throne? Some things in this world just cannot be explained."

"You're lazy."

"Your mom." Drew continued to rapidly scribble answers.

I snatched my homework. "Figure the other ones out by yourself."

Drew rolled his eyes. "I was kidding."

I put my homework back in my folder.

"Whatever, Mr. Johnson will be shocked that I answered half of them, so I win." Drew said. "Are you trying out for the basketball team?

I was still exchanging books from my locker and putting them in my bookbag. "Thinking about it. You?"

"Yeah. I got new kicks to try out in."

I looked down at Drew's shoes. They were new black sneakers with an intricate red detail. "When did you get those? How did you afford them?"

"Got a job. Pays really good."

I laughed. "Who would hire you? You're too lazy to do five math problems."

"Hahaha." Drew said with sarcasm. Then Drew looked suspiciously around us.

"What are you doing?"

"Making sure that no one is listening." Drew said. He turned his attention back to me. "Look, I've been running errands for Manny."

I stopped. "What-" I had to stop and process what my friend was saying. Drew was a lot of things but he wasn't stupid. "Running errands for corner Manny? When the hell did you become a drug runner?"

Drew shushed me. "Keep your voice down. My dad lost his job and it was a way for me to help. It's just temporary."

I looked at him in shock. "Your dad is okay with this?"

"Hell no. He doesn't know." Drew said. "Look, my family needed the money. This money is fast. It's temporary."

"Listen to yourself." I said still in shock. "Don't do this. This is insane. This is not temporary. Once you're in, they're not going to let you go. You're putting you and your family's safety at risk."

"No. It's temporary." Drew said again. "I told Manny and he said that was okay."

"Manny is a liar." I said. "Do you even realize how high the probability of you getting shot has just gone up?"

Drew took a step back. "What is probability?"

I rolled my eyes. "Do your math homework!"

"Whatever." Drew said. "You know if you need money."

"Don't waste your breath. I would never sell drugs."

"Never say never."

"Mark, hurry up! Matt is going to be here any minute." I heard my mom urge from the living room. I threw a shirt on and picked up the wrapped present from my bed. Then I walked out of my room into the living room of our apartment. I put the present on the couch and picked up my jacket.

"I'm ready." I slid my jacket on. "I told you I can get ready fast."

My mom walked over to me from the dining table. She grabbed and fixed my collar. I fidgeted but she kept a steady grip.

I sighed. "Mom, you can't keep doing this. I'll be eighteen next year. A legal adult. I can fix my own clothes."

My mother shook her head. "Hush." She smoothed down the collar one last time. "I'm still and always will be your mama."

I half-smiled. It was true.

"Now, promise me that you won't go mouthing off at that party…"

My smile dropped. "As long as Matt's family and mommy dearest don't start with me, everything should be fine."

My mother gave me a stern look. "Mark-"

"No, mom."

My mother cupped my face and gave it a gentle push, so I faced her. "Mark, they are your family too. Don't be disrespectful to your father's wife."

I stepped back. "I didn't realize that I had a father." I walked toward the couch to retrieve the present.

My mother crossed her arms. "Baby…he'll turn around one day."

I tucked the square box underneath my arm. "I gave him the last seventeen years to try to get to know me. The only reason I'm going to this party is because I promised MJ that I would."

"Baby-" The ringing of the bell interrupted our conversation. My mom reluctantly dropped the conversation and walked over to the intercom. Matt's voice came through the intercom. He was downstairs waiting for me. "He is coming down, Matt."

My mother looked back at me and gave me a warning glare. "Best behavior."

"I'm not the problem, mom." I said, walking toward the door. My mom gave me a hug.

"Try to have fun, please." She let go and walked back toward the couch. I noticed that her walking was a bit staggered.

"Are you okay?" As soon as I asked, my mom bent over and clutched the back of the couch for support. I ran to her side. "Mom, are you okay?

My mom nodded. I helped her over to couch so she could sit down. "I'm fine. A wave of nausea just hit me." She put her hands on the side of her head and held them there.

"Nausea? Mom, I'll stay-"

My mom shook her head. "No. Go to the party. Have fun."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes!" This time, she spoke with more force. "I'm going to lay down, okay." She pointed toward the door. "Go!"

I gave up. "Alright. I'll be back in a few hours. Take it easy."

I closed the door behind me. I started walking down the hall with slight worry for my mom and nerves about this party.

I couldn't help but smile at the excitement on MJ's face. He sat in front of his birthday with the candles fully lit. Everyone was gathered around as we sang 'Happy Birthday' to him. Matt was to his left and Santana was to his right. My dad was taking pictures like a proud grandfather. His wife, Matt's mom-or mommy dearest as I call her-was beaming. The room was filled with aunts, uncles, and cousins. It looked like something out from the cover of a Hallmark card. At that moment, I wish that I had had this growing up.

"I can't believe my little man is ten." Santana said hugging him from the side.

"Mom…" MJ said low, embarrassed.

"Alright, let's cut the cake." Matt said. He picked up the knife and started putting pieces on party plates.

"So, Matt II." My uncle said after giving me a quick smack in the shoulder. I could smell the strong scent of alcohol coming from his cup. "How are things going for you?"

"My name is Mark." I hated that nickname. "Maybe I should be asking you 'how things are going'. What's in that drink?"

He laughed. "Smartass. Say…where is your pretty momma?"

I clenched my jaw. "Home."

"I think that was for the best." I heard Matt's mom mumble.

"What?" I asked

"Mom." Matt said. His tone pleaded with her. "Don't."

She folded her arms. "I swear Matt. Why do you insist on inviting this boy to our family events?"

My eyes widened momentarily at the blunt statement. In an instance, the room instantly became quiet and everyone's eyes turned to me waiting for my response. I don't know why I came. It always started the same. I looked to my father and he did what he always did when his wife attacked me. Nothing. I hated this family.

"Don't talk like I'm not in the room." I said.

"I invited him, grandma." MJ said quietly from his seat. "I wanted Uncle Mark here."

"Today is about MJ." Matt said to remind everyone why they were there.

"No." I interjected. "I want to hear what she has to say."

In the corner of my eye, I could see the grimace on Matt's face. My mom's voice started to play over my head and I knew this would not end well, but I refused to be openly disrespected by her again.

"Stay in a child's place." Matt's mother warned.

"No, finish what you started. Obviously you have a problem with me being here."

I turned my gaze to my father who had abruptly stood up. He gave me a vacant look. He turned to Matt and his look was almost apologetic. Then he- like all the times before -walked out the room. I shook my head and mumbled, "Of course. Why did I even come..."

"Good question."

I felt the anger building inside of me. Mommy dearest was always curt to me, but she was never displayed her disdain for me so publicly and verbally. I knew what this was about. "Get over it already. I'm here. I exist. I am his son. I'm just as much his son as Matt."

She crossed her arms. "Matt wasn't a mistake."

"Mom!" Matt yelled. A yell that caused MJ to jump in his seat a little. "Stop now."

At that moment, I hated him. It was irrational. The anger was definitely misdirected. But at that moment, I hated him. Dad loved him. He acknowledged him. He always got everything. He had this big happy family, which was rightfully mine too. But the only family that I had-that actually cared for me-was by herself in our apartment.

Mommy dearest stood. "We were a happy family before your mother came along-"

I interjected. "Is that why he moved to be near her?"

Her face reddened. "Don't you dare."

"As least, I wasn't dumb enough to knock up a lesbian like your perfect son."

I heard several gasps and I knew that I had gone way over the line. Especially since this was MJ's birthday party. Matt stared at me in disbelief. Everyone stared at me. I couldn't take it anymore.

I looked at MJ, Santana, and Matt. "I'm sorry."

I ran out.

"Mark, stop!" I hadn't even made it out to the sidewalk. I stood on the front steps and looked around to see Santana.

I said, "Look, I was out of line-"

She shrugged. "It wasn't exactly a secret."

"I'm sorry." I sighed. "Just please…I don't want to be here."

Santana smiled. "Trust me, I know about not wanting to be somewhere. Sit down."

I did as I was told. Santana sat next to me.

I started, "How is MJ?"

"He is a little upset, but I think he was happy that all of his family was there…for a little while." She grabbed my hand. "Look, Mrs. Rutherford was wrong, but I think you remind her…of her husband's infidelity."

"Great. Even you're taking her side."

"I'm not taking her side. She was wrong and should have never attacked you that way. Please, don't forget that Matt is in your corner. MJ and I are too."

I nodded. "Thanks. How long are you here for?"

"One week. Not long enough but my job calls."

I had always liked Santana. She was rough around the edges but was really a good person.

We sat on the stoop, talking about everything from family to small things until Matt walked out. I looked up from the stairs and saw his stare. Santana let go of my hand. "I think that you and your brother need to talk." Matt sat in Santana's seat. It was quiet between us. The only sound was some crickets and the door closing behind Santana.

Matt was the first to speak. "I have only ever wanted you to feel welcome." Matt reached to put his hand on my shoulder, but I moved my shoulder out of the way.

"How I can feel welcome here?" I asked in an angry tone.

More silence filled between us. Then Matt asked a question that caught me off guard.

"Why do you hate me?"

I looked at him. I stared about him and I thought about it. I thought of all the reasons and then I realized something. I didn't hate him. "I don't hate you. I resent you and everything that has been handed to you. You're Matt. The football star. Everyone loves you. What am I? Your poor brother from the ghetto that no one wants around."

Matt didn't say anything.

I stood up and started to walk away.

Matt said, "At least, let me take you home."

I shook my head. "No. I don't want anything from you or your family…they sure aren't mine."

My pride fueled my long walk home. After about an hour and half, I was at the door of the apartment. I used my key and opened the door. I don't see my mom but I hear someone in the bathroom.

I cringed. Someone was throwing up. "Mom?"

I heard the toilet flush and she opened the door. My mom smiled at me. I was home.

"Are you okay, mom?"

She nodded. "I'm fine."

She walked toward the couch. I sat down next to her. "How was the party?"

"Worse than usual."

My mom sighed. "I really wish you would try harder to fit in. I want you to have someone besides me."

I wrapped my arm around her shoulders. "You're all I need, ma. Me and you against the world, right?"

She half-smiled. "I won't be here forever." Her tone was more somber than it should have been.

"Why are you talking like that? You're going to live to be 100."

My mom grabbed my knee. "I hope so, baby…I think I'm going to go lay down."

I nodded. I suddenly needed air. "Okay, I'm going to stand outside. I need some air."

She nodded and walked back to her room.

The night was clear and the moon was full. The air was calm. I took the time to think about everything from Matt to my mom. I was really worried about my mom. She wasn't telling me something. I could feel it.

Suddenly, the air was robbed of its calm when heard yelling coming from the adjacent apartment. It was Alicia's apartment. Alicia was a girl who had been my best friend since we were six.

Alicia walked out abruptly. She slammed the door behind her and slid down against. Her breathing was shallow and uneven. The tears were flowing down her face. "Ali?"

"Oh God, Mark!" Alicia said frankly rubbing the tears from her face. She obviously hadn't seen me.

I walked over and got down on my knees in front of her. "What happened?"

"Nothing!" She yelled. Alicia covered her face with her hands.

I grabbed her hands, but she screamed. "Don't touch me!"

I quickly retreated my hands. "What happened? Why are you so hysterical?"

"Leave me alone."

She stood up and started to run. I caught her and grabbed her in a tight embrace from behind. "You're not going anywhere!"

Alicia elbowed me in the stomach, punched my arms, and kicked me. But the harder she fought, the tighter my embrace became. I rocked her forward and backward until she calmed down. After a few minutes, Ali stopped fighting. She just cried. Ali cried harder than I had ever seen her cry. "Ma-Ma-Mark…" She stammered. "He-He put his hands on me and she took his side."

I froze. I couldn't have heard her right. "What?"

"My stepdad tried to-" She cried harder. "Don't make me say it."

"Did he make a pass at you?" I asked in disbelief.

"Then he grabbed me-" She didn't have to finish the sentence. I let her go and I started stalking to her door. "Mark, don't!"

"He has to pay for this." I said as I neared her door. I was about to bang on the door, when Ali grabbed my hand. "You'll just make it worse."

I shook her head. "No, I'm going to put my hands on him and see how he likes it."

"Let it go." She was still crying. "Please."

"Where is your son?" I asked quickly. It just dawned on me that he might be in there.

"I would never him in there alone." Ali said as if I had insulted her.

"I didn't mean that you would!" I said. "It's just-"

"That you were worried." Ali said quietly.

"Yeah." I said. I looked at her, but she looked down the hall. Like she wanted to run. "Let's get away from here."

"Where?" Ali asked.

"Follow me."

Ali and I sat in an ice cream parlor. One of the few places that actually stayed open late.

I watched as Ali used her brown fingers to swirl her spoon around idly in her cup of melted ice cream. We had been there awhile, but neither of us said anything. I looked at her face, which was still a little red from crying. Even then, I still thought she was beautiful.

"Where is Josh?" I asked referring to her son.

"With his father." She laughed darkly. "For his monthly visit. I hate it here."

"You're speaking to the choir."

She looked down at her ice cream. "There has to be something better than this. I don't want my son to grow up here."

I nodded. I felt her place her hand over mine. "Thanks for this, Mark."

"It's just ice cream."

"No, I mean…thanks for showing me that you care."

"You know I care about you. Always."

She smiled and teasingly said, "You're my best friend forever."

"Oh God, that sounds so girly." I looked at her smiling. I was happy that she was feeling somewhat better.

Ali laughed. "Whatever. You know you love it." Then her tone turned more serious. "One day, I am going to be a doctor and you're going to be a writer. Then we can forget all about this place."

"Well, that's far off." I said. "But for right now, you're staying at my place. I'll take the couch and you can have my room."

She gripped my hand tighter. "Thanks."

Early the next morning, I walked down stairs to pick up the mail from the apartment mail compartments. I used my key to open mine and was surprised to see a very thick envelope. We usually just got junk mail and bills. The envelope was just marked 'Janet'-my mother's name- on the front. Another thing that I noticed was that it was Matt's handwriting. The envelope wasn't sealed so I got a glance at the green inside. There was a lot of money in the envelope. Shocked, I immediately ran up the stairs to demand an explanation.

I stood in the front of my door. Through the door, I heard Ali say "I can't lie to him anymore."

I opened the door. "Lie to me about what?"

Both my mom and Ali stood in the middle in the apartment. Both had looks of shock from being caught.

I closed the door and asked the same question again.

I looked at my mom and she closed her eyes. Then I looked at Ali. "What is going on?"

Ali said, "It's not my place to tell you."

I look back to my mom. She opened her eyes that filled with tears. "I'm sick, baby."

"What…like the flu?"

My mom shook her head. "I have cancer."

I clutched the door handle for support, because I would have fallen without it. That was the last thing that I had expected her to say. Anything would have been better than that. I couldn't imagine the world without my mom. There would be no world without my mom. "How-how long have you known? How long have you both known?"

Ali explained that she had known for a few days. Ali had seen my mom at the hospital that she interns part-time at. My mom had known a lot longer for a few months.

My mom walked over toward me and placed her hands on my shoulders. "Mark, I didn't want you to worry."

"How bad is it, mom?"

"Stage 3."

I walked over and sat down in a chair. Everything had become too much. It wasn't until then that I had remembered the envelope in my hand. "Why is Matt sending you money? How much is it?"

My mom sighed. "It's $5,000. My job doesn't pay enough. I don't have health insurance and I've been falling behind in the bills. The hospital bills have been substantial."

I was livid. I stood up from chair. "What didn't you tell me? I don't want you accepting money from that family!"

"Mark, don't let your pride blind you."

"Where is your pride?" My mom stepped back. Her face was a mixture of hurt and shock.

Ali spoke up, "Mark, calm down."

I turned to Ali. "I don't want to hear anything from you. You have been lying to me. Stay out of this."

Ali crossed her arms and took few steps back.

My mother shook my head. "After everything I said, you're worried about the money that Matt sent me?"

"It's supposed to be you and me against the world, mom. I'll take care of you. We're supposed to be partners."

"No, I'm your mother and I'm the one making the decisions. Whether you like it or not."

"But-" She put her hand up to signal me to stop talking.

"This discussion is over." My mom turned and starting walking toward the hallway.

I ran and gripped her in a tight embrace from behind. I said quietly, "I'm here for you."

Ali and I walked into school in silence. Ali and I never lied to each other…or at least I never lied to her. I felt her loop her arm with mine. "I'm sorry, Mark. Your mom asked me not to tell."

I nodded. "I get it. I'm still angry, but I get it."

Ali leaned her head on my shoulder and I smiled. "I got a letter from my grandmother."

"Really?" I asked. "What did it say?"

"I haven't read it yet. My mom said that grandmother wanted nothing to do with me, but I really don't take my mom's words seriously nowadays." Ali said.

Suddenly, I heard cat-calling from behind us. It was Drew. He wedged himself between Ali and me and put an arm around each of us. I missed Ali leaning on me already.

"How is the happy couple?" Drew asked.

"We're not together." Ali and I said at the same time.

"Yeah, okay." Drew said. His voice packed with sarcasm. "So I'll just ignore that Ali is blushing."

I snapped my head a little too eagerly to her. Ali averted my gaze.

Drew laughed. "I feel like I'm ruining a moment. So, in the words of Sara Bareilles, I'm about to leave (get out)."

"Wasn't that JoJo who sang that song?" Ali asked.

"One of those singers." Drew walked through us and turned into a side hallway.

"He is a fool." Ali said playfully.

I nodded. We stopped at Ali's locker. She opened her locker and looked at me out the corner of her eye.

"What is it?" I asked.

"How come…we never dated?" Ali asked as she pulled a book out.

I looked down at my feet and shifted a little. "I didn't think that you thought of me in that way."

"I did." Ali said.

I looked back up at her. Her brown eyes bore into mine. If there was ever a time to take a leap of faith, it would be now. "I always thought you were beautiful."

She pulled her the book tightly to her chest. "Why didn't you tell me?"

I shrugged. "You were always with that guy."

Ali rolled her eyes. "I do not want to talk about Josh's father."

"Josh." I said. "Maybe Josh is the reason."

Ali frowned. "I thought you liked Josh."

"I do. You know I love little man, too." I said.

Ali smiled. "Josh looks up to you, you know."

"I know." I rubbed the back of my neck. "Trust me, I wish that I had been the one dating you, but if you hadn't dated that guy…you wouldn't have Josh."

Ali nodded. "He was the only good thing to come out of that train wreck." She sighed. "Why didn't I think of you sooner?"

"I don't know. I've been next door since we were six."

Ali closed her locker and stared at it like she was contemplating something.

"What are you thinking about?"

"Would you go out on a date with me?"

I looked at her surprised. "What?"

"I mean…I know that it's horrible timing with your mom and my responsibilities with Josh, but I would really like to go out on a date with you."

"I would like that." I said. "But if people ask, I asked you out."

Ali laughed. "Whatever, macho man. But I have to make sure that I can get a babysitter."

"I get it. Josh comes first."

Ali smiled. I listened as Ali rattled off all of the things that she had to do for Josh this week. The list seemed daunting. But I guess that's what happens when you have a baby at sixteen.

And you keep it.

After school, I walked straight home. I got back home earlier than usual. I climbed the stairs and walked down hall to see Matt standing in front of the door.

"What are you doing here?" I asked.

Matt sighed. "I-um…wanted to talk." I knew he was lying by the hesitance in his reply.

"I know everything about my mom." I reached into my bag and pulled out the envelope of money. "Here. Take your money."

"I'm not taking that. It belongs to your mom."

"Fine." I said tossing it back into my bookbag.

Matt sighed even bigger this time as if all the air escaped his lungs. "I didn't like lying to you. But your mom and I agreed that we would wait and see if she got better. You were just starting that summer internship."

"Wait, summer?" I said. "How long have you known? How long have you been giving her money?"

Matt looked at me puzzled. "I thought you knew. Since June…a few months."

I shook my head. I felt betrayed that even my mom had confided in Matt before me. "Stop it."

"What?"

I raised my voice. "I'll take care of my mom. Stop sendng her money. We don't need your help."

"Your mom is sick. Let me help. You can't take care of her."

My eyes snapped to him. "Don't you tell me what I can't do."

"You're seventeen, Mark." Matt said. "You don't have the resources that I have. Let me help."

"Go away." I walked toward the door and opened it. "I can take care of her. We don't need you. Or dad."

"Dad?" Matt asked, before I slammed the door in his face.

I walked into my empty apartment and closed the door on a shocked Matt. I walked over to the phone. I shocked myself as I dialed Drew's number. "Hey, Drew. It's Mark. You said that it is just temporary, right?"

Over the next few weeks, Drew and I came up with a system. I would run the drugs on Mondays and Wednesdays. He had Tuesdays and Thursdays. We promised never to tell on each other and we covered for each other. Whenever I was 'working', I told my mom that I was at Drew's house. And I did the same for him. Everything was going good but I guess it always does at first.

One day, I came home late. When I walked in, my mom was watching tv on the couch.

"Where have you been?" She asked sternly.

"I got a job."

My mom looked up at me from the couch. "Really? Mark, I don't want you working so late…"

I shook my head. "I need to start pulling my weight. I'm going to take care of you, so tell Matt to stop sending money." I handed her a stack of one hundred dollar bills.

My mother raised her eyebrow. "Since when do jobs pay in cash? And with this much money?"

"I've been working for awhile and I saved it. I didn't want to 'worry' you." I did air quotation marks with my fingers when I said worry.

My mom was not amused. "Do not use that smart tone against me."

I nodded.

"Where do you work?"

"Um…at Foot Locker." I lied. "The one near my school."

"How long have you been working exactly?" She asked as she eyed the money in her hand.

"A while."

"Mark-"

"Don't you trust me?"

My mother sighed. "I do but… try not to work too late. I don't like you to be outside at night. It's dangerous."

"I'll try." I said sitting next to her on the couch. I looked at my mom and couldn't help but be angry. I was still upset that she confided in Matt, before me. I saw the TV click off.

My mom must have sensed my anger. "What's wrong, Mark? Is there something else you want to say?"

"How could you ask Matt for help before me? You know I can't stand him."

My mom sighed. "I didn't. He came over one day to pick you up. I was really feeling the effects of chemo that day. I had just started it. He asked me if I was okay. I told him that I was fine."

While my mom told the story of how Mark came to know about her illness, it saddened that Matt had picked up on her illness and I hadn't. How could I have been so blind? Was I that wrapped up in my own life?

"I couldn't deny it anymore." She said. "He noticed the overdue bills on the table…and the landlord had accidently given him the eviction notice."

"Mom…" The humiliation swirled inside at the thought of Matt holding our eviction notice. I hadn't known that it had gotten that bad. My mom was good at hiding it.

"So…" My mom said. "I told him about the illness and about falling back in the bills. Then the next morning, there was this large amount of money in our mailbox. At first, I told him to stop, but he insisted. He kept saying 'until you get back on your feet'. Then I made him swear not to tell you."

"Why not?"

"I didn't want to scare you."

"Stop that." I said. "Mom, you won't die."

My mom looked at me confused then she grabbed my hand. "There is a possibility…I haven't been getting better. Mark, you have to be prepared for this."

I shook my head. "If there is a God, he wouldn't be that cruel to me."

My mom looked sad as she gripped my hand tighter. "I don't know what to say. Just know that I love you."

Two nights later, I was at my job. I reluctantly called Ali.

"I'm sorry, Ali. I can't make it. I promise to make it up to you." I said. "I had to work. We'll go tomorrow night I promise." I looked up and saw the guy I was suppose to meet. "Ali, I have to go." I hung up the phone.

As we were exchanging drugs and money, I heard cop sirens. My heart dropped and I was distracted briefly by the sound. During the distraction, the guy ran off.

He ran off with the drugs and money.

I yelled after him to come back but the sirens were getting louder. They could have been coming this way so I ran. I ran into the park. It was dark. It was so dark that I couldn't see my hands in front of me. The ground was rough against me skin as I fell down hard. I had tripped over the tree branch. I heard someone yell for me to stop. There was no doubt that the police were following me as circles of lights from flashlights frantically moved around the park.

I got up and kept running. I eventually got out of the park. I ran down the street until I saw an abandoned car in an alley. I hid underneath the car. I had never been so scared or ashamed in all my life. As the cold oil dripped on the back of my shirt, I wondered at what point had I fallen so much.

After about twenty minutes I didn't hear the police anymore. I figured it was safe. I walked down the street and silently thanked God that I hadn't been caught. I also promised Him that I would never sell drugs again. On my walk home, I decided to stop at a gas station to get something to drink. I walked into the store and grabbed a Gatorade from the refrigerator. I stood in line.

"How about the Miami Heat?"

I turned around to a middle-aged man looking at me. "Are you talking to me?"

"Yeah. What do you think about the Heat?"

I shrugged. "They're pretty good this year."

"What's your name, kid?" He asked.

Something didn't feel right and I just wanted to walk out of the store. "I don't have a name."

The man laughed. "Is it Mark Rutherford?"

I snapped around to face him. "How do you know my name?"

He also showed his badge that he hung around his neck in from of his Miami Dolphins t-shirt. The man was a plain clothes cop. "You dropped this in the park." He held up my ID.

The next thing I felt was the cold metal enclosing my wrist. "What are you doing?"

The man pulled my arms behind my back abruptly. "You're under arrest." As he read me my rights, I felt ashamed again as other customers stared.

The jail cell was cold and dark. The only good thing was that I was the only one in the cell.

I stared in disbelief at the floor. I couldn't believe I was here. I pictured my mom and I dropped my head. My mom had a lot on her plate to deal with including her cancer diagnosis. But no matter how hard her life was, she always prided herself in me. She would brag about what a good job she had done raising me- practically by herself. I gave her a great source of pride. Sitting in this cell, I had taken that from her.

I shifted my focus to the black line shadows from the bars on the floor. Suddenly, the shadows started to move. "Rutherford, your bail has been posted."

I was dreading the moment that I would see the disappointment in her eyes. I followed the officer into the labor, but I didn't see my mom…I saw Matt.

We locked eyes as the officer released me to him. Matt was angry. I was embarrassed for Matt to see me at my worst hour.

"Come with me." Matt said sternly.

I followed him out of the police station and into the parking lot.

"Where's my mom?"

He replied angrily, "Your sick mother is at your home."

"Is she okay?"

"Like you care." I was caught off guard. It was the first time that Matt had snapped at me.

"Don't tell me that I don't care about my mother."

Matt turned around quickly with fire in his eyes. "If you gave a damn about the welfare of your mother, you wouldn't be doing the stupid shit that you are doing."

"Did you call me stupid?"

"Yes, I called you stupid. Drug dealers don't live long. Are you trying to get yourself killed? Your mom doesn't need this kind of stress right now!"

"Why do you even care? Why do you care about her?"

"Because I care about you." He ran his hands over his head. "Did you know how many favors I had to call in to get this off your record? You're lucky there weren't any drugs actually found on you."

"Again, Matt flashing his money and influence."

"Shut up. You are so ungrateful."

"Don't-"

"No." Matt said firmly. "I don't want to hear anything that you have to say. I'll let your mom deal with you."

I watched as Matt's car drove away. I walked up the stairs and down the hall until I was in front of the door. But I couldn't bring myself to knock on the door. Knocking on the door and it being opened would mean that…I would have to face my mom. Many scenarios-about what she would do-ran through my head. Would she yell? Silent treatment? Grounded until infinity? Just look at me with disappointment? I took a deep breath and opened the door to just get it over with.

I was shocked at what I saw. Out of all the possible scenarios that ran through my mind, I never expected this.

There were two suitcases in the middle of the floor.

I closed the door behind me and stared at the suitcases.

"You have to leave."

I looked over to see my mother sitting at the kitchen table. She stood up and looked through me. "Did you hear what I said?"

"Mo-mom" I stammered. "Are you kicking me out?"

She nodded her head. "I will not have this kind of foolishness in my home."

"Mom, I did it for you-"

My mom put her hand up. "No, you did not. I don't who think selling drugs would help, but it's not me. What time I may have left on this Earth is not going to be spent burying my only son. I don't want to see it. I don't want to be around it. If you're going to sell drugs, you have to leave."

"I did it for you…" I said a second time. This time, my voice was weaker.

"Don't." My mom said, lifting a suitcase. "Take it. Leave."

"What about Ali?" I asked.

"She can still have your room for as long as she needs until she finds s more suitable place." My mom said. "This isn't about her. It's about you."

I stared at mom. She was serious. As I stared at her, it was the first time that I had really notice the effects of cancer. She had lost weight. Her hair was thinning. She seemed tired, but none of that stopped her teaching me this lesson. I felt ashamed at that stress and anger I had now caused her to feel.

I grabbed the suitcase from my mother and the other was a duffle bag that I slung over my shoulders. I looked at my mom one last time before opening the door. I stood in the doorway for a long time just staring outside. The cool breeze made everything worse, like I was about to enter the cold, cruel world alone.

As I looked outside, I realized something. I didn't sell drugs completely for her. It was partly selfish. I wanted to prove that I could take care of my mom. I wanted to be there for her, unlike my father. I didn't want to be my dad.

I spoke, "I'm not leaving."

"Yes, you are."

"Matt said that I couldn't provide for you." I said turning around. "That I couldn't care of you."

"What?"

Walking back into the house, I put the bags down and closed the door. "I wanted to prove that I could help you. That I was worth something. That I'll actually be there unlike dad."

"Oh baby…" She said. Her voice was softer this time.

"I'm not him. I'm not going to leave you."

I dropped my bags and enveloped my mother in a hug. "I love you. I love you so much."

"I love you too. But promise that you'll never do anything this stupid again."

I nodded, but it wasn't good enough for her. "Mark, I need to hear the words. Do you promise?"

"I promise."

Clutching the side of my stomach, I slid my key into the lock and turned. Walking into the apartment, I sat on the couch. It had been a week since I was almost kicked out. Everything had gone almost back to normal until about 20 minutes ago. On my way home, I was jumped by the guys who had given me the drugs to run. I explained what happened to me, but it didn't mean anything. I had to come up with the money or they said things would get worse. A lot worse.

I needed to tell my mom. After yelling her name, I realized that she wasn't home.

I walked over to the kitchen and grabbed a supermarket bag from under the counter. I filled the bag halfway with ice and twisted the excess plastic until the bag was tight around the ice. I lifted my shirt and placed the bag on my side. Instantly, the pain went down some but that was short lived.

The loud banging on the door surprised me enough to drop my ice. The ice scattered across the floor.

"Open the door!" I heard someone yell through the door. By the sound of the voice, I realized it was Matt.

I raced over to the door and opened.

"Where have you been? Why aren't you answering your phone?" Matt asked. The questions were coming like rapid fire.

"I left my phone at home-"

"We have to go now!" Matt interrupted. "We have to go to the hospital. Your mom isn't doing well."

At that moment, my entire body froze as I feared that my worst nightmare was might actually be realized. Matt yelled at me again, but I couldn't move. My arms tight to my side and legs felt as heavy as stone.

"Move Mark."

"I can't."

Matt released a sigh that turned his face from that of frenzy to sympathy. Reaching out, he touched my shoulder. "Everything is going to be fine."

"Do you promise?" I said in a broken, childish voice that I couldn't believe came from me. I looked up at Matt and for once I wanted him to be my big brother. I wanted him to be there for me and tell me that the world wasn't going to end today. "Do you promise?"

Matt looked down briefly before meeting my eyes. "Everything is going to be fine."

The doctors wouldn't let me back. I had been there an hour and the doctors were still seeing her. All I knew was that her immune system was low due to the chemo and the doctors said that she had caught something. They were being vague and it was frustrating to not know what was going on with my mom. I wanted my friends to be here. Drew had borrowed his dad's car to pick Ali so that they could come here, but the traffic was bad. All I had was a text from them every few minutes saying, "almost there."

The only two people with me were Santana and Matt.

Matt gave me sympathetic glances and Santana would loop her arm my shoulders in a sideways hug to comfort me, but none of it was enough. I needed my mom. Nothing else mattered.

"Mr. Rutherford?" A doctor in a long coat said walking into the waiting room.

Matt and I both stood but Matt tilted his head to side as a signal for me to go.

I walked over to the doctor. "Is she okay?"

The doctor had a look of sadness look on his face. "I'm afraid I have some bad news."

The doctor explained that my mom had passed away from complications of her cancer. The doctor gave one last apology for my loss and left me standing there. Heartbroken.

"What did he say?" I heard Matt say. I just noticed that he was standing next to me.

My teeth clenched as I felt anger rise from a deep place inside of me. "You promised." I said in a calm anger.

"Promise? What-" Matt slowly closed his eyes as he realized what must have happened. "I'm so sorry, Mark."

"You promised that she wouldn't die." I said louder, angrier.

"I didn't promise. I said everything is going to be fine. And it will in time." His voice was calm and sad.

"Don't twist your words around." I yelled.

People began to stare and Santana stood from her seat. Walking over, she asked the same question. "What did the doctor say?"

I stared at Matt. "I hate you. My mom is dead. I hate you."

Santana gasped. Matt placed his hand on shoulder, which I quickly yanked off. "Don't touch."

Matt took a step back, seemingly hurt by me actions.

"Mark, you're miss directing your anger." Santana said. "Matt didn't do anything."

"He promised!" I yelled in a broken voice. And in the middle of a crowded waiting room, I broke down. I started sobbing and I couldn't stop it.

Santana hugged me and started rubbing my back. I hung to her like a life line as I sobbed unbashfully into her shoulder.

"Mark" Santana said in a quiet voice. "Everything is going to be fine."

I wished they would stop telling that. Nothing was fine.

"Is everything fine?" Matt asked over the telephone.

I sat on the couch of the new apartment that Matt had put me in. I had still been getting threats from the guys who jumped me and Matt decided to hide me until the police could catch them. I was now living in the opposite side of the city so no one would find me. He even made me change schools. I missed Ali and Drew but it was best that they didn't know where I was. For their safety and mine. The only good thing to come out of selling drugs was that it made Drew stop selling drugs.

"I'm fine, Matt."

Since I was still seventeen and a minor, Matt was awarded custody of me. Of course, my dad and stepmother were first options but they didn't show up to court. Matt was disappointed. I wasn't surprised.

"Already, I'm going to come visit you to see for myself."

"I guess. If you think it's necessary."

We said our goodbyes before hanging up the phone. I sighed as I leaned back into the couch.

It had been a month since my mom passed away and I was waiting for everything to be fine.

A few hours later, I heard a knock at my door. I figured it was Matt so I opened the door. I was very wrong.

Everything was a scary blur. It was Manny's guys at the door. They grabbed me as four guys came into the apartment. They tied my wrists behind my back and made me kneeled on the ground. One of them pointed a gun to my head.

It was the scariest moment of my life and I thought I was really going to die.

"Where is the money from the drugs?"

I explained to them what happened again, but like the time before, they didn't want excuses.

"You're responsible for it." The man with the gun said.

I then remembered the envelope with $5,000. The last envelope of money Matt had given to my mom. Matt refused to take it back and I still had it. I told them where it was in my room. After one guy retrieved the money, he counted and said that it was more than enough.

"Can you put the gun down?" I asked. "I gave you the money."

Two of the guys nodded and one of them actually started walking toward the door. Most of them believed the issue was resolved. All except one because the gun never moved from the front of my face.

"How do I know he won't tell the cops?" The man with gun asked.

"Come man." One of the guys said. "The kid paid. Let's leave."

"No." The man with the guy said. "He's a liability. He's seen our faces."

I closed my eyes as I felt my heart sink. I didn't think my life would end this way.

I sighed as one dark silver lining entered my mind. I would finally be with my mom again.

The next sound I heard wasn't from the gun but from the door.

The word Police was shouted as I opened my eyes. I looked over and saw the door being broken down. Men in blue walking over it.

Matt got there twenty minutes later. He asked a barrage of questions that I tried to answer. But between the gun that had been in my face and the police's questioning, I was shaken and tired.

"Can you stop with the questions?" I asked.

Matt shook his head. "What am I going to do with you? You're not safe here."

"The police said that the guys are going to be locked up for a long time."

"I need to think." Matt said sitting down. "You need to go somewhere so I know that you'll be safe."

"Go where? Matt, I'm safe."

Matt wasn't convinces because the next thing he does is grab his cell phone out his pocket. He dials a number. "Sam. I need your help."

There was no way in HELL I was going to Cleveland. People leave Cleveland to go to Miami. Not the other way around. When Matt went out to the ATM to get money for me, I packed a bag. I had plan. It involved Ali and Josh. We could run away together and be our own family. I had enough from my mom's life insurance policy to last us a year. I knew Ali would leave with me. She was my best friend and it was an escape from her family.

I wasn't going to Cleveland. My brother wasn't going to ship me away, because I wasn't going to be his problem anymore.

After a bus ride that crossed the city, I was back at my old apartment building. I walked up the stairs and down the hall. It was a walk that I had taken all my life but now everything was different. I didn't live here. Laughter came from my old apartment and I was saddened that some other family had claimed my home.

I took a deep breath and knocked on Ali's door. Within a few seconds, Ali answered the door. With a bag in her hand. It was fate.

"Oh God, what are you doing here?" Ali said shocked. "Are you okay?"

There I was again tonight, forcing laughter, faking smiles
Same old, tired place lonely place
Walls of insincerity, shifting eyes and vacancy
Vanished when I saw your face

I smiled. I had missed her. "I'm fine. I came to see you."

All I can say is it was enchanting to meet you

Ali dropped her bag inside the house and walked outside. "I missed you. Josh missed you, too."

Dropping my bag, I put my arms around her. "Feeling is mutual."

"Mark, there is something I need to tell you." Ali said returning the hug.

This night is sparkling, don't you let it go
I'm wonder-struck, blushing all the way home
I'll spend forever wondering if you knew
I was enchanted to meet you

"I do too." I said as we let go. "What is it?"

"Do you remember that letter that I got from my grandmother?"

I nodded. I remembered.

"My grandmother said that she had been trying to get in contact with me for years. My mom had never given me any of her messages. My grandmother always wanted to meet me, but my mom left a few days after I was born."

"Wow. I can't believe it." I said.

Ali nodded. "Yeah, so we have been writing letters back and forth for the past month. She is amazing. She was the first African-American to own a huge wine vineyard in her county. She went Yale. She collects-"

I smiled as Ali's face glowed with pride about her grandmother.

"I want to be just like her." Ali said.

"She sounds amazing."

Suddenly, Ali's face darkened as she crossed her arms. She looked down. "I told her about what my stepdad tried to do."

I started to feel angry just thinking about it. "What did you say?"

"It wasn't what she said." Ali reached into the pocket of her dress and took out an envelope. "It was what she sent."

Ali opened the envelope passed me a folded up sheet of paper.

I narrowed my eyes. "What is this?"

"Open it."

I opened and saw it contained two smaller piece of papers. The letter said in big bold print, "GET OUT THERE. YOU ALWAYS HAVE A PLACE HERE." I looked at the smaller piece of paper and realized it was a plane ticket.

A one-way plane ticket.

I looked back up at Ali who was eyeing me. "Ali…are you going to use it?"

Ali sighed. "I've been struggling with it. It's a huge leap of faith. I would have to leave everything that I know. But then I remembered something. There is someone that controls this decision. It isn't really my decision to begin with."

Ali grabbed my hands and looked into my eyes. My heart soared. Was she talking about me?

The lingering question kept me up, 2 a.m., who do you love?
I wonder 'til I'm wide awake
Now I'm pacing back and forth, wishing you were at my door
I'd open up and you would say

"Josh." Ali said squeezing my hands. "I have to go. I can't leave like this. I can't stay up during the night with Josh by my side because I fear for his safety. I have to leave to give Josh a better life."

My heart fell selfishly.

"I'm going to Louisiana." Ali said. "That's why I packed my bag. Josh and I are leaving tonight for Louisana."

"Wow." It was all I could say.

It was enchanting to meet you

"I know." Ali said. "I can't believe that I'm actually doing this."

I looked off to the side and gently pulled my hands away. "I'm happy for you."

Ali crossed her arms and looked at me suspiciously. "What did you have to say?"

I couldn't tell her why I was really here. I wouldn't. This was an escape for her. A life of stability and a loving grandmother. I wouldn't take that for Ali. But now the idea of running away, didn't feel the same without her.

"I came to tell you that I was leaving for Cleveland." I said. "And that I'm sorry that I never gave you that date."

"Oh my God. Mark, it happened! We're both getting out of here." Ali hugged me and I hugged back. The hug was long. It felt sad. Probably because we had realized that it was the end of the line for us.

"It would have been a great date." Ali said laying her head on my shoulder.

"Amazing." I corrected.

Ali pulled lifted up her head and looked in eyes. "Promise me that you'll find someone as wonderful as you."

Please don't be in love with someone else

Please don't have somebody waiting on you

Please don't be in love with someone else

Please don't have somebody waiting on you

I thought Ali was that someone. I had thought that since I was six. I guess I was wrong. "I promise."

I released her from the hug. "Take care of yourself, Ali. Take care of Josh."

"You too." Ali said sadly.

I walked down the hall and down the stairs for the last time. My life had changed forever.

Ali was going to Louisiana. I was going to Cleveland.

I sat in a window seat watching the only city that I had ever remembered growing smaller and smaller as the plane ascended miles into the air. I had never been in a plane before. The idea of rising 40,000 feet in the air made me feel like a giant. A giant who was now taller than his city, his neighborhood. Now, bigger than the place he knew. I was a giant looking down at a small city. A small city that looked like nothing more than a splatter of misplaced Christmas lights. But I knew this strange euphoric feeling wouldn't last. It was temporary like my drug crime

Temporary. Like my friendship with Alicia, who had once called me her best friend forever.

Temporary. Like my stay in this new city would be.

Temporary. Like the life of my mother.

The sobering realization made me feel as small and weak. I missed my mom. She now only existed in my memories.

My mother was tall, beautiful and proud. I would miss her laugh, and her offbeat sense of humor. The way, even through her brown skin, her cheeks would blush bright red like a rose. My mother was a flower until a cancerous wind came and ripped her from this Earth.

Strangely at that moment, I wondered if what I had loved about her, was the same thing that my father loved. I wonder if that's what my father saw in her. What attracted this powerful businessman to her? Was it her beauty? Her charm? Her quick wit? I wouldn't know. I wouldn't even dare ask. I had no relationship to my father. Besides, blood, we were bound together nothing.

Our only bound had descended six feet into ground a month ago.

At that moment as her coffin was going down, he looked up at me and an accidental eye contact was initiated. Moments like that used to make me feel nervous, scared…intimidated. But not that day. Before that day, this man would intimidate with his expensive suits, a commanding voice, and an unshakable aura of confidence. But not today. Before that day, the man had intimidated a boy. I was not a boy anymore. Boys were happy. Boys were carefree. Boys had mothers.

I stood there now a lonely, furious man staring at my father as his blood rushed through my veins. Furious that he hadn't said one word to me. I stared at his blank eyes and for the first time in my life, he looked away first.

He walked toward his car down the hill. I shook my head. What I did expect? For him to comfort me? Hug me? Tell me that he loved me? He didn't love me. His love had been reserved for the woman of the hour. He still loved my mother, which is why my stepmother hated me. She hated me because my dad still loved my mom. Like I hated Matt, because my dad only loved him.

I was a mistake. A hiccup. An accident. A complication of that ultimately doomed love.

I felt a firm hand grab my shoulder from behind and I inhaled sharply. For a second, I thought it was my father. I mentally kicked myself for wishing it was him. I knew before I turned around who it really was. It was Matt. It was always Matt.

I turned around and he gave me a sympathetic smile. "Your mom is in a better place."

He grabbed both of my shoulders. "You've been so strong. It's okay to show reaction. It's okay to let it out."

The first cry came out like a cough as the remembrance of Matt's words brought me back into the present. The next was a stifled sob as I clutched the sides of the chair in front of me. I tried to hide my face with my arms to keep some of my dignity, but my quivering shoulders probably gave me away. I felt ashamed for crying on a plane.

I couldn't believe that I had the nerve to feel any kind of happiness from flying on an airplane. I may have been 40,000 feet in the air, but my mother was six feet underground. I couldn't stifle the wailing noise coming from my mouth as the flood escaped my eyes. I felt lonely. I cried on an airplane to mourn the loss of love from my mother and mourn the love that I would never feel from my father.

I was breaking down and I couldn't stop. I looked up to see the horrified faces of the fellow passengers. I imagined the awkward feeling brewing in there chest as I cried in front of them.

I didn't care.

I'd rather cry in front of strangers that I'd never see again than appear weak in front of my family. Matt had seen me cry once and it would never happen again.

"And that is why I'm here." Mark said finishing his story. "Matt is being paranoid. I was fine in Miami."

"I think you coming here was a good thing." I said. "To be on the safe side."

Silence came between us. I didn't know what else to say. It seemed like there was nothing that I could say.

Mark spoke, "I guess you weren't expecting all of that."

I let out a heavy sigh. "I definitely wasn't. Mark…" I paused to collect my thoughts. "No one deserves to go through anything that happened to you. I'm so sorry about your mother."

"Me too." His voice broke a little. "I miss her so much."

I placed my hand on his shoulder. "I'm not going to say everything is going to be fine, but obviously you hate that. But think of it this way. One day, you'll think of your mom and it wouldn't hurt. That day will come. I promise."

Mark nodded. "Thanks. I'm going to hold to that."

I nodded. "Mark, I still need to know one thing."

"What?"

"How did you get that shiner?" I said pointing to his eye.

Mark touched the darken skin underneath his eye. "Well, I guess I should start this part of this story with Beth…"

I walked in silence with weepy girl. I think Sam said her name was Beth, but I didn't dare ask. She was still using her sleeve to wipe old tears from eyes and I didn't want to say anything to cause new ones.

I followed her as she turned into the middle hallway.

"My name is Beth, by the way." She said dropping her arm from her face. "Its funny. I never cry and I think you're one of the few people to ever actually see me cry."

"Uh-huh." I said disbelievingly. "My name is Mark."

"That's a nice name."

"I guess. Are we almost there?"

"Am I boring you?"

I guess that was rude. "No. I'm impatient, I guess."

"Stop saying I guess." Beth said. "It sounds like you're unsure of yourself."

I stopped in my tracks. "What did you say? I am very sure myself."

Beth stopped and turned around to face me. "If you heard what I said, why did you ask me to repeat it?"

I opened my mouth to explain but no words came out. Just a 'ah?' which only made her smirk.

"Ah? Sounds unsure to me." Beth turned on her heel and began to walk away. "Follow me if you want to go to class."

I stood there blinking a few times. Who did this girl think she was? I asked just that question. "Who do you think you are to insult me and then order me around?"

Beth laughed. "Wow. You're sensitive, Marky."

"Don't call me Marky."

Beth stopped and looked over her shoulder. "It's easy to get you upset, isn't it?"

"No." Truth was that one certain people had the power to get me upset easily. This girl was turning out to be one of them.

"Well, then come on." Beth said. "We're both already late."

Beth then tilted her head forward a few times to signal me to walk. I didn't want to go, but I walked forward anyway. The last thing I needed was to get in trouble at my new school.

After a walk down the hall and around another corner, Beth spoke again.

"You have to stick to your beliefs. Believe in what you believe. Don't be unsure of yourself."

"I think you read too much into me saying 'I guess' a few times."

Beth shrugged and stopped walking. "Well, this is where we part ways. This is the African-American history classroom."

I looked in the room and saw a man in wheelchair pointing to the board.

"Why are you here?" Beth asked.

I was taken aback by the question. "What do you mean?"

"I just thought about it. It's a little weird to transfer schools months in. And at junior year at that." Beth asked.

I put my hands in my pockets. "Its personal."

"Oh. Sensitive and secretive."

"Well, I'll tell you why I had to transfer if you tell me why you were crying."

Beth looked up to the ceiling playfully as if she was thinking about. She looked in my eyes. "I think we should both an air of mystery about ourselves." Beth turned and walked to the stairway but stopped in the doorway. "But Mark, I know that you were forced to come here."

I jerked my head back, surprised. "How did you know that?"

"You said 'I had to transfer' instead of 'I transferred'." Beth said.

I shook my head. "Who are you again?"

"Beth Corcoran. The school's certified radical badass."

I couldn't help but laugh. "I have a hard time believing that."

Beth smirked. "You just met me. You have no idea what I'm capable of."

Beth walked down the stairway as I stood there…intrigued.

Who was this girl?

The last two periods had been Math and English. Since this school was so big, I was surprised to have both classes with Beth. She repeatedly called me Marky. I hated the nickname. She continued to call me that because she knew it bothered me.

It was now last period and I had lunch as last period. I wasn't really hungry so I decided to wait in the auditorium until Sam-well you-were ready to leave. I walked in a sat in the back row that was in the shadows. I figured I could get a nap in with the period bell as my alarm clock. I hadn't slept much on the plane the night before.

My plans were ruined when I say someone walk on stage. The person stood in front of the microphone. It was Beth. She was going to sing.

I had to see this.

"No, I'm singing it by myself." She said to someone off stage. "The song is Bring Me to Life."

Bring Me to Life by Evanescence? I loved that song. I sat up in my seat and leaned forward. I really wanted to see this.

"No, I'm going to just to skip the chorus." Beth said to whoever was off stage.

Skip the chorus? It was the best part. How was she going to sing the song without the chorus? I was broken out of my thoughts when just the stage lights dimmed slightly. A spot light was shone on Beth. She nodded to the off stage person. It must be the stage manager.

Beth stepped forward. She grabbed the mic with one hand and the mic stand with the other. Then the background music started to play. Beth sang:

How can you see into my eyes like open doors
Leading you down into my core
Where I've become so numb without a soul

I sat back surprised. She was good.

My spirit sleeping somewhere cold
Until you find it there and
Lead it back...home...

Then she paused. And I heard her breath a huge sigh into the microphone. "I can't…stop the music." The music cut off.

Why did she stop? She was good. She should finish the song.

"Wake me up!" The words came out my mouth loud before I could even think about.

Beth looked frantically at the seats in the auditorium. "Who's there?" She said into the mic.

"Turn the music back on." I yelled in auditorium.

"Who is there?" Beth demanded.

I got up out of my seat and walked into the aisle. I walked down until Beth could see me.

"What are you doing here, Mark?"

"It seems like you need a singing partner."

"You sing?"

I smiled. "Couldn't I ask you the same question?"

She sighed. "This is private."

"Then why are you in the public auditorium?" I asked. Then I yelled, "Turn the music back on."

The music came back on. "Beth, start from the second to last line and I'll back you up."

Beth looked at me warily. "I don't know…"

"Trust me?"

She continued to look at me warily, until she finally broke down. "Fine."

Beth sang:

Until you find it there and
Lead it back... home...

I sang:

Wake me up inside, Save me
Call my name and save me from the dark

I think having someone to sing with her was all the push that Beth needed. She leaned into the mic and enthusiastically sang:

Now that I know what I'm without
You can't just leave me
Breathe into me and make me real
Bring me to life

We both sang the chorus, before Beth took the next verse:

Frozen inside without your touch
Without your love darling
Only you are the life among the dead

I had ran down the aisle and climbed on stage, which caused Beth to laugh. I laughed too. It was the few times I had laughed since mymom died. I leaned into the mic and sang:

All this time I can't believe I couldn't see
Kept in the dark but you were there in front of me

We finished the song out and I bowed to the empty audience.

Beth laughed. "Really?"

"You have to practice your bowing too."

We both sat down on the stage. Then Beth tilted her head to the side. "Marky are you following me?"

"Not at all." I said. "Why are you singing in the auditorium?"

"I was thinking about singing in the talent show. I figured I needed to give performing on stage a try."

I nodded. "Why did you almost stop singing?"

Beth frowned. "I did stop. I was about to walk off stage when I heard you yell."

"Why?"

"Mixture of things…It was scary to sing on stage even in front of no one. Then I felt like I betrayed my deep seeded hatred for show choirs."

"Why do you hate show choirs?"

"My mom. Well, my adopted mom paid more attention to her show choirs than me." Beth gave a short laughter. "I can't believe I'm adopted."

"I'm guessing you didn't before."

"I just found out recently." Beth stretched out her legs and crossed them. "That's why I was crying. I had just found out…I needed to vent to someone. The counselor had offered to speak with me before, so I took the opportunity."

Beth then went on to explain everything that had happened to her last weekend from her adoption shocker to her cheating ex-boyfriend. I guess I wasn't the only one having a hard time.

"Wow." I said. "That was some weekend."

Beth laughed. "Yeah. But I'm still angry with my mom. I'm can't believe she lied to me for all these years. I mean, I don't really know who I am anymore."

"Well, if you want to know who you are…didn't she give you a gift?"

That really got Beth's attention. She looked at me. "What do you mean?"

"I mean that you can finally can find out who are really and where you come from." I said. "Your mom told you the truth and she gave you a gift."

Beth looked off the side and rubbed her upper arm. "I never thought of it that way. I never did feel like I was like my mom. Don't get me wrong, I love her. But sometimes, I felt like I couldn't relate to her."

"Maybe now, you can find out why."

Beth smiled and looked back over to me. "Thank-you."

I nodded. "No problem."

"Well." Beth said. "Now, it's your turn. So why did you move here?"

"Oh." I rubbed the back of my neck. I wasn't sure if I should tell her. "I thought you wanted to keep an 'air of mystery?'"

"Come on Mark. We've sang together, I've given you a pet name, and I just revealed my life to you." Beth said. "We're practically best friends."

"I don't know about all that." I said on a shrug.

I guess she was right. She would probably fine out eventually. "My mom died."

Beth sat straight up and covered her mouth with her hand. She gasped before dropping her hand. "I'm an idiot. I'm so sorry. Here I am complaining about my mom and-"

"It's fine." I said. "I'm nowhere near finished."

I told Beth everything. Everything from selling drugs to moving in with the guidance counselor. After I told her everything, she sat there just staring at me. "Beth?"

"Give me a minute. It takes a while to process everything you just said." Beth said. "I mean-wow…how can you be so stupid? I mean you were noble for trying to help your mom, but stupid. What if something had happened to you?"

"Trust me, I'm never going to do it again." I said.

The bell rang and Beth stood up.

"I have to go." Beth said. "I have to-Bye." And with that goodbye, Beth ran off stage and out the auditorium.

I guess I scared her off.

The next day at school, I was surprised to see Beth at my locker afterschool. She wanted to know if I could hang out. I guess I hadn't scared her off. We watched a movie and then decided to take a walk through the park, before heading home. We sat down on the bench,

"That movie was hilarious." I said.

Beth nodded in agreement.

"You know, I was surprised to see you at my locker. I thought I had scared you off."

"Trust me, it takes a lot to scare me off." Beth said. "I found my dad's address."

"Really?" I asked. "Are you going to go there?"

"Honestly, I'm scared."

"I thought you were a badass."

"What if my dad is a bigger badass than me?"

I shrugged. "I don't know, but you have to try."

Beth looked over to me. "You're a good guy."

"I know."

Beth smacked in the shoulder with the back of her hand. "Modest much?"

Beth and I continued to joke around until about 7:30 pm. We got and started to walk toward the bus stop, until Derek showed.

"Well, this your new boyfriend?" Derek asked loudly, arrogantly as he walked down the park path toward us.

"Come on." Beth whispered to me while she grabbed my arm. "Let's just turn around and walk away."

"Who is that?"

"My ex-boyfriend and I think he's drunk."

"Great." I said sarcastically.

"Hey, I'm talking to you!" Derek said as he staggered toward him. "Really? Him? Beth, you're dating the guidance counselor's charity project?"

"Charity project?"

"Beth told about how you had to move."

I looked at Beth and she averted my gaze. "Beth, you told him?"

"I thought it was in confidence." Beth said. "Leave Derek."

"No!" Derek said staggering forward.

"You actually dated him?" I asked

Beth nodded. "He's misunderstood."

"Whatever. Let's leave." I said as I walked behind Beth, but then I felt a shove in my back. I turned around and the fist was a blur as it collided with my eye. I quickly grabbed my eye as it throbbed.

Derek yelled, "Stay away from my girlfriend!"

Beth yelled, "I'm not your girlfriend! You cheated on me with my friend-"

Beth stopped talking when she saw me punch Derek back in the face. "Mark, what are you doing!"

"Me? He started it!" Then Derek tried to throw another punch but he missed. I punched him back repeatedly.

At some point, something in me changed. I kept hitting me and it wasn't to defend me or Beth anymore. It was a release. I became angry and let out all my frustrations. Everything that had happened to me…I could fight it back. It became a real thing that I could punch. I didn't stop until I heard her scream.

Beth yelled, "Mark! Stop! Please stop!"

"Are you serious?" I asked as I backed away. Derek fell to the ground and Beth ran to his side.

"Derek, are you okay?" Beth said as she rubbed his forehead. "Mark are you insane? You could have killed him."

I took a step back in disbelief at everything that had just happened. "Where you not standing two feet away from me when he attacked me?"

"You took it too far!" Beth yelled. "I still care about him. Why would you do this?"

"Beth…"

Beth ignored me and asked Derek if he was okay again. Derek nodded and seemed to cling to Beth. At that moment, I realized something. This date had been a mistake. During the walk to park, I had done nothing but think about Ali. And now, Beth was consoling a guy that she obviously she had feelings for.

This date was bad timing. In a way, we were both on the rebound and maybe we wouldn't be good for each other.

I looked at Derek and realized what I had done. Derek got up and walked away after telling Beth that he never wanted to see her. Beth looked at me. She said she hated me as she walked past me.

I had just moved here. I could actually really just need a friend. I think I lost the only one I had here.

"Are you going to speak to me?" I asked Beth as we walked to Sam's house.

"Why couldn't you just walk away?" Beth snapped. "I'm so angry with you. You didn't have to fight him."

"He asked for that butt kicking when he punched me in the face." I said. "Beth, you're too good for him."

"I don't want to talk about it." Beth said.

I remained quiet as I rang the door bell.

The door opened. "Mark, where have you- What happened to you?"

"That's everything." Mark said. "Anything else that you want to know?"

I shook my head. "No, but do me a favor?"

"What?"

"Try to stay out of fights." I said. "Although, the one with Derek was definitely warranted. He had that coming."

"Am I in the clear?"

I nodded. "You're fine, but your curfew stands."

Mark nodded. "Understood. I think I'm going to make a sandwich."

Mark stood up off the couch but said something before he walked away. "Um…Sam?"

"Yeah?" I said looking up.

"Thanks for listening."

"No problem. And Mark, don't listen to Derek. You are not a charity project and you can stay here until you find something better for you."

Mark nodded before walking into the kitchen.

I got up off the couch too and walked back to Heather's room to see if she was asleep. I opened the door to see her reading.

"Its bedtime, Heather."

"You promised me a song awhile ago." Heather said as she closed her book. "When we first started the story."

"It's too late, Heather."

"Please?" Heather said giving me her best puppy dog face. Those pleading eyes sucked me again.

"Fine. But only one song."

Heather nodded enthusically. "Okay."

I walked into my room and grabbed my old guitar. I walked back into Heather's room and sat in the creaky chair near her bed.

"After everything that happened today, this song seemed appropriate." I said as I tuned my guitar.

Heather laid her head on her pillow. "Play it."

I strummed the strings and started to sing:

Your little hands wrapped around my finger
And it's so quiet in the world tonight
Your little eyelids flutter 'cause you're dreaming
So I tuck you in, turn on your favorite night light

To you, everything's funny
You got nothing to regret
I'd give all I have, honey
If you could stay like that

I looked over to Heather and she looked so precious. She was my little girl, but I realized that she wouldn't be forever. She was going to grow and face obstacles and difficulties that I can't always save her from. That sadden me. I wished she could stay little forever.

Oh, darling, don't you ever grow up, don't you ever grow up
Just stay this little
Oh, darling, don't you ever grow up, don't you ever grow up
It could stay this simple

I won't let nobody hurt you
Won't let no one break your heart
No, no one will desert you
Just try to never grow up, never grow up

And don't lose the way that you dance around
In your PJs getting ready for school

I finished the song and looked the Heather, whose face was expressionless.

"Honestly, Dad. That song was a little sad."

I laughed. "Thanks for the honesty, sweetheart."

"That's why I'm here." Heather pulled her comforter over her shoulders. "Good night, Dad."

I walked over to the door and turned off the light switch. "Good night."

I closed the door and walked down the hall. I heard Mark in the living room talking to Beth. It sounded like they were on good terms again.

"I'm sorry, too." Mark said into the phone. "Yeah, I'll sing with you at the talent show. But I think I have a better song idea in mind…Your mom needs to talk to you about something? Okay, I'm going to sleep anyway-"

I closed the door to room and I couldn't hear him anymore. After putting away my guitar, I changed into my pajamas and went to bed.

Hopefully, tomorrow was better.

The songs used in this chapter were:

"Enchanted" by Taylor Swift

"Bring Me to Life" by Evanescence

"Never Grow Up" by Taylor Swift