Chapter 26

Brenda Leigh was growing accustom to waking up to the sound of Sharon vomiting in the bathroom. It was not surprising that this morning, after a round of chemotherapy the day before, Brenda should find herself alone in bed and the sounds of retching coming from the bathroom. Sleepily, Brenda kicked the sheets off of herself, realizing that she'd fallen asleep in her work clothes. Her skirt was wrinkled and her bra was uncomfortably digging in to her skin.

She tossed her legs over the side of the bed and got up, slipping out of her wrinkled skirt as she did so. Her feet tiredly carried her to the bathroom and she found that Sharon was sprawled weakly before the toilet, her hand on the rim, her head held over the bowl.

"You okay?" Brenda sleepily got down on her hands and knees and crawled towards the other woman, letting her own hands take over in the chore of keeping Sharon's hair out of her face.

Sharon held up a finger and then shamelessly vomited again. Brenda had to look away, but she kept her hand soothingly on Sharon's back, stroking her sweetly.

"Oh my God, it hurts." Sharon panted as she messily wiped her chin with the back of her hand. She would get in the shower as soon as she felt better. She would wash away the stench of her sickness. For now she flushed the toilet and sat back.

Brenda could only frown. She would give anything to make it stop, to make Sharon better. She knew that the chemotherapy was helping her, but it was still painful to watch her having to go through these not so minor side-effects.

Brenda could only press her lips to Sharon's shoulder blade and pull her close to her.

"I need to shower," Sharon sighed, her body shifting so that she could lean up against the cabinet across from the toilet. Brenda helped her before settling in front of her, staring in to those gorgeous green eyes, which were still as bright as ever. The cancer had not taken the life out of her eyes.

"I love you," Brenda blurted the words out before freezing, pushing herself up against the wall opposite Sharon, afraid of what she had just admitted without even thinking.

Sharon just shook her head, "you don't mean it."

Brenda frowned, but this time it was not with concern for the other woman. This time it was anger and resentment that furrowed her brow. "How dare you say that, Sharon Raydor? I do love you. I know this isn't the best time to be sayin' it, but I love you."

Sharon closed her eyes and let her head roll back to lean against the cabinet. "Fuck," Sharon whispered before letting her eyes open. Those green eyes caught brown and a small smile formed at the corner of those round, full lips. Sometimes Brenda hated that she couldn't read Sharon Raydor. "You're in your underwear."

Brenda looked down, annoyed that Sharon was ignoring her proclamation. "So it seems." She crossed her arms and huffed.

Sharon looked down at the ground, letting her finger anxiously rake through the bathmat. "You look nice in just your underwear." She quietly noted.

"So do you," Brenda bristled, wondering what this had to do with anything. She'd told her she loved her. She should acknowledge th…

"I love you, too." Sharon had closed her eyes. Her voice was hardly above a whisper. "I do. I love you."

The smile that formed on Brenda's lips seemed to tug slowly at the corner before transforming in to a beaming, radiant smile. "You…you do?"

Sharon just nodded. "Please don't kiss me. At least not until I brush my teeth." She calmly retorted before pulling herself up using the sink.

"Wouldn't dare," Brenda pulled herself up as well and then wrapped her arms around Sharon, kissing her shoulder blade. "I love you," she smiled. She was trying out the words as if she were trying on a new pair of gorgeous shoes after purchasing them. The words felt so right and she was so glad that Sharon was not running from them.

"I love you, too." Sharon smiled at Brenda through her reflection in the mirror before placing her toothbrush in her mouth.

…

Jonathan passed the joint to his mother and settled back against the porch seat. He watched as she inhaled, her eyes closing in relaxation. He was glad she'd found something that actually helped with the pain.

"You know, I have to leave soon."

Sharon's eyes came open and she sadly nodded as smoke was expelled from between her lips. "Oh, Jon. I'll miss you." She coughed and passed the marijuana back to her son.

"Do you think you'll be all right? I could always have Grandma and Grandpa come back…" he winked and took another hit.

"Oh, fuck no." Sharon shook her head and reached for the bag of chips she'd brought outside to munch on. She was glad to have somewhat of an appetite back. "I think Lucas and I can manage, just fine."

"And Brenda?" Jonathan exhaled, his head tilting to the side as he regarded his mother.

"What about Brenda?" Sharon held out her hand for the joint.

"Well, she's certainly around enough to help." Jonathan shrugged.

Sharon took a contemplative hit and rolled her head back.

"What?" Jonathan could tell that his mother was tense.

"Oh," Sharon hummed, taking another hit. As the smoke came out, her eyes leveled with Jonathan's. "She told me that she loved me."

Jonathan's eyes widened. "Yeah? What'd you do?"

"I love her…I mean I told her I loved her. I mean…I do love her, I just…isn't this odd?" Sharon sighed. Her eyelids felt heavy. She reached up to pull an eyelid up, as if it could make her vision better.

"Not so odd. Is she good at fucking?" Jonathan got a mischievous smile on his face.

Sharon's mouth came open, but the marijuana was slowing down her offended response.

"Well, she looks like she'd be good in bed." Jonathan laughed.

"We are not talking about this," Sharon huffed.

"Oh," Jonathan took another hit and regarded his mother. "Wait, you two…you haven't…have you?"

Sharon covered her eyes. "I told you I'm not talking about this with you."

"So you haven't fucked her."

"Do you have to say it like that?" Sharon snapped.

"You haven't had sex with her." Jonathan shook his head.

Sharon took a deep breath and slouched down in her chair. "No, we haven't." The hem of her shirt suddenly became very fascinating.

"Well that's honorable, Mother." Jonathan laughed. "You love her and you haven't even fucked her."

"Back when I was your age that was a positive thing." Sharon hummed, reaching for the last of the joint. She nearly burnt her finger on the butt.

"I never said it wasn't." Jonathan grinned. "But it's never a bad idea to take the car for a test drive before buying it."

"Oh shut the fuck up." Sharon hurled a chip at her son, though her effort was rather fruitless. The lightness of the item caused it to fall short by a foot. "I will sleep with her when I damn well want to."

…

"Sharon, do you want me to…" Brenda stopped dead in her tracks in the doorway to the bathroom.

She watched as the brunette quickly pulled her button-up shirt shut tightly around herself, her hand wondered upwards to wipe at her damp cheek.

"Sharon…" Brenda stepped forward, but the older woman stepped away.

"You should knock, Brenda," her voice was broken, her eyes puffy from crying.

"No, not if…why are you upset?" Brenda moved forward, wrapping her arms around Sharon, but the brunette shoved her way out of her grasp.

"Really, I just want to be alone, Brenda." Sharon brought both her hands up to her face, wiping at her eyes. "I'm okay."

"No, you're not." Brenda crossed her arms and rooted herself to the spot.

Sharon took a jagged breath and collapsed in her vanity chair. She stared in to her mirror for a moment, taking in the sight of her puffy eyes and tear stained face, before putting her head in her hands.

"Sharon," Brenda coaxed her to speak, to tell her what was going on. They'd had a lovely morning in bed together, with kisses and cuddling. Brenda hadn't expected to find Sharon crying in the bathroom.

"I…" Sharon started, running her fingers through her hair. "I hate what it…and I don't want you…"

Brenda pieced together her sentence in her mind and shook her head. "Sharon, you're beautiful no matter what it looks like."

"Oh, shut the fuck up." Sharon wiped at her face, taking a deep breath.

"I'm serious, Sharon." Brenda moved closer to her, placing her hand on her shoulder. The brunette shrugged her hand away.

"Please, Brenda. I'll be okay." Sharon pulled out three tissues from the box on her vanity and began wiping at her face.

"Sharon!" Brenda grabbed her wrist – stopping her hand from scrubbing at her face and causing Sharon to swivel around and stare, bewildered, at her.

"Let me go," Sharon glared up at her.

"Sorry," Brenda let go of Sharon, but didn't move away. "It's just…" Brenda ran a hand through her loose blonde curls. "I don't know what to do."

"You don't have to do anything," Sharon turned back to the mirror and began applying a moisturizing cream to her red face.

"I want to do something, though. I've never…I've never felt this before. You have to know that, Sharon. I've never wanted to…" Brenda shifted, feeling completely out of her element, yet knowing Sharon needed to hear this. "I've never wanted to be there for someone like I want to be here for you. I just wish you'd let me in."

Sharon pulled out her foundation and began to apply it, her beautiful natural face with all its intricate wrinkles and lines that Brenda had spent hours admiring were easily covered up. "I appreciate that, Brenda Leigh." She finally whispered.

"Are you always gonna hide it from me?" Brenda slumped against the cabinet.

Sharon snapped shut her powder and pulled her lips between her teeth in contemplation. "It's nothing to marvel at."

Brenda rolled her eyes and moved to tangle her fingers in Sharon's hair. This time the brunette did not shrug her off. "I want to see it," Brenda's eyes met Sharon's in the mirror.

"I'm not sure I'm ready for you to see it. Weren't you going to ask me something when you walked in here?" Sharon leaned forward to line her eyes with a black-tipped pencil.

"I was gonna see if you wanted me to take you by the hospital on my way to work." Brenda's fingers trailed to the ends of Sharon's hair, fighting away a few tangles.

"It's out of the way," Sharon opened her mascara wand and began running it along her lashes.

"You're beautiful," Brenda sighed, leaning around Sharon to press their lips together.

"Not so beautiful," Sharon pushed her away before unrolling her lipstick. "Do you mind taking me? I can have Jonathan pick me up in the afternoon."

"Of course," Brenda glanced in to the mirror and straightened out her hair. She could tell that Sharon was diverting attention away from the place where her left breast had once been. She knew that Sharon was unwilling to let her see the scar, but Brenda also knew that it didn't matter. It could never matter what Sharon looked like. She loved her. She just wished Sharon could wrap her mind around this fact.

…

Sharon watched as her son carried his cello case through the living room. "Where are you going?" She called out from her spot atop the couch. She was in a terrible mood. Brenda had caught a case late in the afternoon. She had a feeling she wouldn't be seeing her at all that evening, and she felt like hell from the chemo she'd received the week before. She just wanted Brenda there to curl around and forget what was happening to her body. But of course she was busy with work. What Sharon would much rather be doing.

"I have rehearsal 'till nine." He set the cello case down by the door and moved towards his mother.

"The concert's tomorrow night, right?" Sharon reached up for her son and wrapped her arms around his tiny waist as he walked in to her embrace.

"Yes." Lucas kissed his mother's forehead. "Do you think…" his voice trailed off.

Sharon glanced up at her son. "What?"

"Do you think Brenda would want to come?"

Sharon gently pushed her son away and shrugged. "You can ask her, but she might be busy." Sharon yawned. She felt like such a slug. She wished she had the energy to get up and maybe take a nice, relaxing walk, but instead she was confined primarily to the couch and bed, and she could spend a few minutes in the kitchen if she felt up to it. What a fucking life.

"Okay," Lucas eyed his mother. She looked a bit depressed. "Are you okay?"

Sharon nodded, "you'd better get to rehearsal."

Lucas frowned but then nodded. "I love you, Sharon."

"Love you, Luc."