I'll Be Okay

It's time to let you go
It's time to say goodbye
There's no more excuses
No more tears to cry

There's been so many changes
I was so confused
All along you were the one
All the time I never knew

I want you to be happy
You're my best friend
But it's so hard to let you go now
All that could have been
I'll always have the memories
She'll always have you
Fate has a way of changing
Just when you don't want it to

Throw away the chains
Let love fly away
Till love comes again
I'll be okay

Life passes so quickly
You gotta take the time
Or you'll miss what really matters
You'll miss all the signs
I've spent my life searching
For what was always there
Sometimes it will be too late
Sometimes it won't be fair

I won't give up
I won't give in
I can't recreate what just might have been
I know that my heart will find love again
Now is the time to begin

I can't hold on forever baby
I'll be okay

(I'll Be Okay - Amanda Marshall)

Sometimes I can convince myself that I hadn't lost my first love at the age of twelve and the fact he had left me behind just like everyone else didn't bother me. Sometimes for a moment I forget he was ever there at all.

But only for a minute...

Then his face is back again when I close my eyes I can still see that lopsided smile those green/brown eyes and his black curly hair.

I sat in my room staring out the window wondering why now of all times I couldn't take him off my mind. Edward avoided me and I didn't mind because I wasn't talking to anyone anyway I was lost in my own thoughts.

I read mostly quietly keeping to myself thinking about the stranger who had saved me from myself. I had yet to meet him I was staying in my room mostly I couldn't stand the sympathy and the pity in their eyes.

Prince stayed with me, my only comfort. I stroked his luxurious fur wishing once again to be able to run as an animal again. I didn't want to be human anymore humans felt too much pain.

I'm listening to the CD that he gave me all those years ago I've transferred it over to my iPod. He had called me a solitary creature when I was younger as he was my only friend. Or his lonely dove. I missed my friend so much.

More now than ever, he would have took me into large warm arms and held me until I was all cried out. But I must cry alone now in this cold empty room there is no longer any feelings here just numbness.

I decided it was finally time to leave my room as a cat of course. I've mastered this whole transformation thing. I silently slipped out of my room it was late at night and I was simply part of the darkness with my black fur.

I fancied fish been a cat and all so I made my way to the kitchen. Once in the kitchen I made a graceful jump onto the breakfast bar and pondered how I'd get the fridge door open. Of course I had not thought this far ahead but I could not change back because I didn't want to risk been caught naked in the kitchen.

I jumped from the counter to the top of the fridge a distance I think a normal cat would struggle with. Here I tried to prise open the door by pushing my front paws against the seam between the door and the fridge base.

Alas this didn't work and my stomach was making some rather frightening noises which made me wonder if it was eating itself.

I sighed and paced on top of the fridge contemplating what to do next. Help arrived soon after when someone walked into the kitchen. I chill ran down my back but not a chill of fear but of excitement. I wondered who it could possibly be.

He came closer and I couldn't believe my eyes. The same black curly hairs, handsome face now even more handsome, same warmth in his newly golden eyes.

Uri...

It had been so long since then my heart thumped hard in my chest demanding I move.

"Reese" he said "what are you doing on top of the fridge?"

Suddenly I was embarrassed remembering the events of the other night... he'd seen me naked.

"Are you ok?" he asked he was always so kind.

My stomach answered for me growling very loud.

Suddenly he was laughing the same old chuckle with a new velvet twist that was contagious it made everyone around him want to laugh. He was everything I had wanted to be everything I needed to become. He was the light in the darkness, the sun, the warmth everything this place had left me without.

Edward could have his Bella. After all Edward if not perfect he's not what I need. I could let him go now. I'll be ok I think. I had dreamed up a love for him which was only trying to shadow a deeper more true love one which had been buried in my heart a long time ago. Unmoveable, unchanging, undisputable and it all came to me so quickly.

The sudden realisation triggered by an echoing laugh from a life that seemed so long ago. It couldn't be real to feel like this so suddenly to feel the earth move beneath between all four of my feet.

But this was now and this was my reality and suddenly my whole world revolved around this ghost from my past. After all he was my sun. I needed to get out of the house so I could deal with these strange emotions. I jumped down from the fridge and out the window. I changed into a panther the instant I hit the forest I could feel his eyes staring at me in confusion.