He woke to sunlight streaming through a window and realized he was not in his unit. Instead he was at Alicia's, concern curled in his gut, he'd been drinking last night and he'd been angry. Nathaniel swallowed hard, he may have just made things worse.
A soft sound made him look down, he was propped on the edge of the couch, between him and the padded back Alicia slept; one arm thrown around him. She looked so peaceful and content lying there and Nathaniel closed his eyes; letting the day before play in his mind.
He'd buried Lucas he realized, and come back to the colony to try and drink it away. He remembered two shots clearly, the first and the last; the last to give him courage. He'd come over here and she'd listened, then said something that had nearly stopped him in his tracks.
She had kissed him, he'd curled her in his lap and asked for another chance. He'd grabbed onto that and held on tight, kissing her back, kissing her again. He would have to fix this and fast, they could try to do this in secret but with so many people around it wouldn't work well. She needed time, time to trust him, time to see that he could be what she wanted. Damn if he ever backed down from a challenge; she'd handed him the fight of his life.
She stirred beside him and he watched as she stretched before curling back into him. He shifted his hand to cup her cheek, Alicia looked up at him and a hesitant smile played at her lips. They'd do this right.
"Alicia marry me." It was the only way he could think to do this right.
"What?" She looked stunned.
"We announce to the colony that we will marry. Marry me and let me learn to make you happy. We are going to fight, you have to know that but we don't play games and we don't give up. I want to be with you." And if he knew he'd come home to her he wouldn't feel the tightness in his gut when he wondered when he'd see her again.
"But…" She started and drifted off, he could see the hesitation in her eyes.
"Alicia I lost my son about ten years ago, this place was his second chance as much as ours. We're still here, and after what he has done I can't miss him, right now I miss you. I need to know that I get to see you tonight, tomorrow; that I get to hold you." He nearly growled the last of that as he leaned down to kiss her again; her chin tipped up to meet him.
"Okay." She whispered against his lips.
Nathaniel felt as though he had finally got something right when he heard that. The next couple weeks wouldn't be easy, he didn't kid himself on that; but he knew she would try just as much as he would. They could make it work, they'd put up with each other long enough.
And at one time he had known how to treat a woman right; that wasn't too far in the past for him to pull it out. It would be different this time, Alicia was as much a soldier as he was; he was going to have to learn what her boundaries were. But he wanted this more than anything else.
….
A few weeks, she had agreed to marry him in a few weeks because he promised to try. They had resolved nothing, and the unsigned papers on her coffee table didn't answer any of her questions. But waking up in his arms had felt so good; so right.
He wanted to make her happy but he could cut her down without a word. He was right, she knew him, had known him for fifteen years; within the context of the military. Alicia stared out the window, it took a moment to agree and a moment to second guess herself.
It was a lot of things, there was a lot of history between her and Nathaniel both good and bad. But she respected him and that gentle side of him she already loved. In a matter of weeks she'd be married to the man if things went to his schedule.
She left the house only because she couldn't bear to sit still any longer. Glancing furtively around for Elisabeth she headed for the patrol route. It seemed like the woman had an extra sense for when she was disobeying one of the doctor's orders. But movement helped her think, and she had a lot to think through; she'd pay for it later.
Patrols walked the interior fence dawn and dusk, the path was worn smooth not only from the foot patrols but training. She made her unit run this route with full gear at least once a week. They hated it but were better for it. It used to be that she walked this patrol to start and end each day, usually with Nathaniel.
It had never been personal, never been anything other than the job. A time to debrief, review the coming tasks and address the issues of command. She found the route relaxing, if not for her leg she would do several rounds at a steady jog.
Today however her pace was slow, her focus on the things playing through her mind. There was the logistics of any new relationship but between them there was so much more. It didn't help that some parts of her memory were still hazy.
She had got up the nerve to talk to Elisabeth about it once, after the woman told her there were tapes of the occupation. She wished that bit of info had come from Nathaniel. Alicia needed him to trust her, she might not be at her best but a gust of wind wasn't going to pin her down. The doctor didn't think recovering her memory would be a one shot deal, dealing with the back lash wasn't going to be simple either. And so she had agreed to work on it.
As she came back around to the market Alicia leaned against a post, watching people bustle about. One interaction caught her eye, she watched a vendor refuse a sale; she didn't need to hear the words to know they were cruel. Silently she pushed off the post and cut through the market, wishing her leg would bear weight better.
"Stop." The vendor straightened up as she approached, the young woman who had turned away paled but stopped. Alicia stopped and nodded to the abandoned basket filled with basic provisions. "Can she pay?"
The man spluttered some excuse; he wouldn't sell to scum. "What am I? Is my money good enough for you?"
Fishing a handful of taros from her pocket she waited for a response. The blood drained from the man's face, she knew he hadn't expected to be called out; she wondered how many others had been making life difficult for the Tates. The vendor shook his head, she fixed him with a glare as he shoved the basket towards her.
"How much?" Some had been giving her a hard time about paying since everything had happened; this man had been happy to pocket her money. Apparently the vendors had been giving Skye and her mother an entirely different hassle.
He mumbled a price and she dumped the coins on the table, he wanted the money then he could pick it up. Alicia grabbed the basket and turned, leaving the vendor scrambling to pick up the coins, her jaw set and eyes cold; any who dared meet her gaze got the message. Beside Skye she nudged the basket against her, the young woman fumbled to take her the load.
"Chin up." Alicia put a hand on her shoulder, motioning that the young woman should walk with her.
"Here." Skye held out a handful of coins as they neared the edge of the market.
"I don't need your money." Alicia knew the girl didn't live far from the market, with everything that had happened she hadn't had a chance to see Deborah since they learned the woman wasn't dead. "Have they been giving you a hard time since the occupation or before?"
"It's not a big deal." The young woman squeaked, Alicia glanced over to study her.
She had been caught up in her own problems, during the occupation Skye had played the other side to gain information; to try and protect her friends. But from what she had been told her loyalties had stayed with Taylor; she'd acted as a spy to preserve her mother's life. It wasn't right but then the kid had just lost one parent.
Skye was pale and scrawny, she'd lost weight in the past few weeks and Alicia couldn't think of any other time she had seen her out with the colony. She was coming in invitation or not. If the vendors in the market had been refusing to sell to the young woman she wanted to know; and it would end.
Alicia had served with Deborah's husband for nearly two years before he fell ill, she had trained him and he had excelled in the military; his daughter had the same potential. She shadowed Skye into the kitchen and looked around, one good thing about the open concept kitchens was she didn't have to snoop to see how they were. The kitchen was bare, it was one thing for the steri-bin to be empty, hers was more often than not; but it was another to have no dry goods what so ever.
That wasn't an accident and it made her angry. Skye had made some poor choices but Terra Nova was a place for fresh starts; shunning the girl wasn't right either. "Do you have the money for groceries?"
"Yes. We're fine." Skye answered her too quickly, the girl was lying.
"Her apprenticeship won't let her attend anymore." A weak voice carried from the other room, Alicia turned and moved towards it.
Deborah Tate lay on the couch, the woman didn't look much better than when Curran dragged her through the gates. Alicia frowned, lack of food may be part of that. "How long has this been going on?"
"It's not a big deal." Skye mumbled, staring at the floor. She knew Nathaniel had a soft spot for the girl, knew he was angry about what she had done; but he wouldn't allow this. Not if he knew about it.
"I'll straighten out your apprenticeship and I'll be by in the morning; I'll need groceries as well." Her eyes narrowed, she needed to have a few words with Taylor.
Alicia turned for the door, Skye moved quickly to block her way; if not for her limp the girl wouldn't have had time. "Why do you care? Why don't you just ignore us like every one else?"
"I took an oath, I swore to protect this colony and I don't pick and choose who that includes."
"If I hadn't helped Lucas he wouldn't have had the chance to torture you." The girl's voice was faint.
"Maybe not, but that doesn't matter."
"How can it not matter? Your back is covered in scars; everyone knows." The last words made her gut tighten; no everyone did not know. They couldn't.
"I've got a lot of scars, gave up my vanity about that a long time ago. My humanity how ever I hold onto; it's what keeps me human. You might want to think about that; carrying a chip on your shoulder only holds you down." Alicia put a hand on her shoulder and moved the girl aside.
Just because she knew all that didn't make it easy; saying it was only one thing. Living it was another. Alicia returned to the market, glared at the vendor she had dealt with for a long moment; then turned for the Command Center. It was tempting to hover at the bottom until Nathaniel came down, or wait to discuss this later; neither option was appropriate.
"Washington." A familiar voice called as she was about to put a foot on the stairs; relieved Alicia turned.
Nathaniel rounded the building, he must have been in the eye; his posture showed his sadness. She realized what he had been doing. There was a voice code and DNA response required in order to update or access the hard files of the eye; only two people in the colony were able to access it. To enter a new file only one was required; to change an existing one both were needed.
Nathaniel was one and she was the other and she wondered if it really couldn't have waited a few days. He would have forced himself to relive it all, she didn't doubt that; his record would be honest and detailed no matter how much it hurt him. As he approached her his arm straightened as if to guide her away from the stairs. "You can always reach me over the com."
"My temper has always been able to override my fears." She replied softly; she hoped he didn't want to walk far.
He smiled slightly at that, gesturing for her to sit in the shade of the building; gripping her elbows as she lowered herself with one leg out stretched. It was an awkward movement but with him stabilizing her it was easier. "Don't tell me I've got your temper up again?"
"Have you addressed Skye's issue?"
"Alicia I had no choice but to terminate her apprenticeship in the infirmary, it put her in contact with to many colonists whose opinions will only cause more harm. The goal of the apprenticeship program is that the kids are successful. Elisabeth Shannon aside she wasn't wanted there. Agricultural detail is temporary, she is going to have to give it time and earn back a little trust." He sighed and she knew this was still bothering him; he had jumped to the defensive to quickly.
"Agricultural detail isn't working. And vendors in the market haven't been selling to her." Her tone revealed more than she wanted and he turned sharply. "Agricultural detail hasn't been giving her hours; Deborah told me. The two of them are skin and bone."
"Vendors I can deal with." He sighed rubbing his jaw. "Apprenticeship gets touchy, Elisabeth would have kept her on with restricted access but too many people over there don't want her. Some think I should have thrown her out with the Sixers."
"I may have given the vendors a lesson." Alicia told him, seeing the muscle jump in his jaw and quickly recounted the interchange.
"I don't know where to place her. I don't trust her Alicia but I don't think she would have done it if they hadn't had her mother. She is going to have to prove her loyalty to the colony; all of them."
"She could join security, her father was good and she has the potential. It's a way to keep a close eye on her and put her to work; anyone mistreating her would answer directly to you." Alicia tossed the idea out and saw a light in his eyes. "And we'd know about any trouble."
Corporal Tate had been a good soldier, his daughter was a lot like him. And with everything that had happened even if Skye had learned her lesson it was a way to keep an eye on her and on those she worked with. Given time she figured the girl would prove her loyalty was with the colony, the Sixers having her mother was putting the girl between a rock and a hard place. It was fine for the colonists to say what she should have done, but Alicia knew most have never been in a situation with that much on the line.
"She'd be the only recruit. I can't spare the time for basic training." He had straightened, and she could see him going through a process in his head; running through the people qualified to run basic training.
It was a short list, Nathaniel himself could but rarely did, he had enough obligations. Guzman was still in the field monitoring the Phoenix, and then her. Alicia usually took care of basic training, drills, and survival training as well as annual skill retraining. Her unit got extra attention and she knew there were days they regretted being assigned to her; but they were all damn good at what they did.
"I could train her." She blurted it out and blue eyes met hers, something masked in his expression; yet he didn't throw it back at her. "I could start with the book work, move up to physical; by the time she is ready for drills I'd be fine."
It took six to eight months to put a recruit through basic, specialized skills came after that. Alicia had been assigned to a special ops team, she had a list of specialized skills behind her name and every one of them would be a benefit to the colony. Skye was sturdy and she could learn, when they got to skills it wouldn't hurt to pull in a few other soldiers anyways.
He didn't say a word but she saw the irritation in his expression and his posture. She almost waited for the argument, until she realized he was trying to hold it back; he had given her the discharge orders last night. "Nathaniel you didn't sign off; those orders are null and void."
The man's frown deepened, she could almost see him trying to go back to the night before. It was very rare that he was wrong. "You could have told me."
"I had other things on my mind." She replied softly, thinking of the words he had been saying as he shoved those papers at her. "And I didn't like being discharged."
"Do you really think I wanted you to leave? I argued for you to stay." He looked so hurt, the man had no idea what his words had felt like to her.
"You told me I was out two minutes after I woke up. I asked you for time!" She nearly yelped. "You wanted an answer and I asked for time, I wanted to know if the portal was closed, if this was going to turn into another drawn out war. How many people I cared about, how many kids I trained was I going to see die? I can't relive the wars of the past Nathaniel. I couldn't handle the idea of the colony being occupied again. I can't surrender again."